I couldn’t control my face – 9th February 1998

Monday 9th I kept seeing Ferny or other members of his family today. I keep seeing his sister now. Actually, I probably don’t see her any more than I used to, it’s just that I notice her more. (Out of embarrassment!)

They were both there again after school. I think their parents mustn’t be able to pick them up straight away coz they’re always standing by the school gates.

Emma and I were coming back from the shop and I was just thinking that if they were waiting for a lift then I would have seen them already. Then, in the distance, I saw a girl in a yellow coat who I thought could possibly be Lola F then, to confirm it was, I saw the tall, dark-haired lanky figure [Er… swoon?] striding along behind her.

I was trying to get Emma to walk through the car park so I could avoid them but she wouldn’t let me. It was horrible coz I couldn’t control my face to stop myself from grinning stupidly as I walked by them. Will just walked past coolly and glanced at me. His sister (who was trailing behind him like they didn’t wanna be seen with each other) sort of smirked as if to stop herself from laughing. I turned round afterwards and they were stood there looking at me.

I had a shock later too when I burst into the canteen and saw Will by the lockers. I calmed myself down and calmly walked straight back out again and collapsed in a heap of giggles by Emma who was feeding a seagull. (Strange girl, she was talking to it too!)

When I thought they’d gone home I asked Emma to go to The Quiet Shop with me. As we were walking down the road we saw a maroon Renault Espace driving into school. I thought it was Ferny’s because Ralph said they had one of them but Emma said that their one was green. I was right again! Ha ha ha!

We came back fully expecting it to have gone but guess who we saw climbing into the back of it. Yes, Will and Lola. There was also a bloke and a woman (presumably his parents) and a little girl in the back. (The reg place was J357 JPP. Sad, I know but it’s just in case I see it again. Then I know to clear off!)

Ralph smiled at me at lunch. A proper nice smile. Hmmm, he must be ill or summit!

I saw him after school again too. Hayley had been asking me to find out if he was gonna give her a Valentine’s card and, as I was with her when he rode past (to get even for the Lola Fernley thing, you understand), I yelled, “Oi! Ralph! You gonna give Hayley a… er… Valentine’s card?!” I couldn’t think what I was s’posed to be asking him so I had to think. He yelled back a sarcastic, “Ha ha! Funny people!” Daft git.

Erm… nowt else has happened I don’t think.


I nearly called him a liar – 21st October 1997

Tuesday 21st Dougie’s started talking a bit more notice of me and my mates and so have his mates since Saturday. [Since I decided I’d gone off him a bit. TYPICAL!] They probably won’t from now on, now I’ve said that!

Outside English, at last break, Dougie walked past and when he was quite a way off he turned round and smiled at me. I had to have a reason to be looking at him so he wouldn’t think I was looking for no reasons coz he was so far off, so I grabbed Hayley and said to her, “Look, there’s Dougie”. That made him grin and turn away.

The after school I was walking down the school drive and I saw Hayley going into a block. I said to Olivia and Poppy, “I bet she’s looking for Dougie”. I didn’t see him catching up with us and I thought he might have heard so I turned round and said, “Hayley’s looking for you”. Then he asked me why, which I was hoping he wouldn’t do and I ended up saying, “I dunno” which means he’ll probably go and ask her tomorrow and it’ll all get traced back to me.

After I said that, he started walking with us and out of the school gates. He usually gets the bus so I thought he must have a piano lesson. I knew he had them last year coz Poppy said they have the same teacher but I hadn’t noticed him going the way recently [If anyone was going to notice him going a piano lesson, it was me.] so I thought I’d try and make him admit it. I asked him where he was going and he just said, “The village”. He didn’t say why so I asked him. He just said, “My mum’s picking me up”. It was like he didn’t want to tell us and I nearly called him a liar but I thought that was tight and I would wait to see where he was going. [Poor lad.]

I was right! [Stalker-sense affirmed!] We got to a road and he stopped to tie his lace and we just carried on. I turned round and so did he and he smiled at me again as he went up the road. I don’t know why he didn’t just tell us, I bet he thought we’d take the piss or something but then Poppy and Olivia both play the piano. Oh, I don’t know!

I went on the internet this evening. I sent Adam my photo. Just after I sent it, the whole computer went weird so we turned it off and switched it back on again.

I’m being assessed in basketball tomorrow on the skills we’ve done and the game and then Mr B is gonna ask us questions about it. They mark is out of 25 and he says we should get 15 or over, I think. I’ve got no chance!

Anyway, today I got this but then so did quite a few P.E. students:-

October 1997 - PE letter


I thought maybe he was sulking – 17th October 1997

Friday 17th The first time I saw Dougie today was when he walked up the stairs past me to line up for form. I wasn’t sure how to react so I just ignored him [Standard reaction.] and kept talking to Sarah. As he was going up the other flight of stairs, I couldn’t resist looking up to see what he was doing. He was looking at me but neither of us smiled.

He usually does smile so I thought maybe he was sulking coz Emma did say I told her he was going to phone her. Lizzie said he’s told her I’d told Emma but I hadn’t. All I’d said was that he’d got her number.

He wasn’t in the Music rooms at lunch so I went to the garage with Emma. When we got back, we both went for a walk with Hayley and Lena down to the field coz Hayley wanted to see Dougie and co. She told me she didn’t actually fancy Dougie anymore and she likes Will Fernley (Ferny) instead now.

We went past the Sports Hall coz they could have been in there but they weren’t so we went out of the back door to the field. We waited for a moment coz we felt a bit funny about walking past all the silly bitches. We did have to but they ignored us and got on with talking to their mates.

We went round the garages and saw Ralph, Ferny, Dougie, Freddie and a few others playing some game with a tennis ball. Ralph ran past me and on his way back I said, “Do you fancy Hayley?” Everyone’s been saying he does so I thought I’d just check. He denied it so I asked him why people had been saying he did. He just told me, “They must be wrong”. Oh yeah, right. Like we’re gonna believe that!

I caught up with the other 3 and I noticed Dougie had been watching me speaking to Ralph. I got a thump off Hayley and we decided to go back. It looked a bit stupid just turning round so we pretended to look for someone.

On the way back, Emma (I think) asked if Ferny still liked Hayley. I thought I’d ask [The helpful, non-interfering little soul that I was.] so I yelled, “Ferny!” Before I could say anything else, Hayley grabbed my hair bobble so I shut up coz I don’t like wearing my hair down. I got it back and I looked over and saw Dougie looking at me and laughing a bit. I was going back past the tennis courts and I turned round and he was looking until the ball came his way.

[So much detail for so little actually happening!]

October 1997 - Hearts

At last break, Poppy and I were panicking about where to go coz Mrs L hasn’t told us that we had changed teachers for P.S.E. [Personal and Social Education – A kind of ‘Other’ category of lesson covering subjects that didn’t fit in anywhere else e.g. careers, bullying and sex education.] so we didn’t know where to go. We went up to the usual room with Dougie but there was another group outside. We ended up going in a room with them then we got told we had Mr H. We got to the right lesson eventually and everyone else seemed to know we’d changed.


P.S. Hayley phoned me and said Dougie was going to phone me tonight about bowling times so I was worrying that Mum or Dad would answer! He didn’t though.

He’s just so creepy and sleazy – 11 & 13th October 1997

Saturday 11th


0-0 against Italy but England were top of their group and have got the points to qualify. It’s brilliant! Paul Ince was man of the match which is right coz he’s been running round with 3 stitches, a glob of Vaseline and a bandage all on his head and blood stained shirt but he carried. Nice one, England!

Hayley came today. We didn’t really do much. She brought a phone number with her though of an advert she’s seen on Granada asking teenage kids to come and be an audience on a new footy programme and she said you have to cheer and do Mexican Waves and stuff.

We phoned up but there was an answering machine and she didn’t know what to say.


Monday 13th Not much has happened today. Oh, except Lizzie’s going out with Davis. Urgh! It’s sick! Outside English he said, “It’s cold out here, isn’t it Lizzie?” and he stood behind her and put his hands on her shoulders and slid them down her arms to her waist. I nearly puked between laughing hysterically!

He’s just so creepy and sleazy all the time and Lena said to me. “Urgh, that could’ve been me!” He is gross though. I think I preferred Lizzie going out with Ralph. At least he ignored her mostly!

I shouldn’t be so snidey really coz if she likes him then that’s all that matters. YEAH RIGHT! It’s not just Lizzie that has to have him around coz wherever we go, she comes and so does he!

I sort of told Lizzie and Emma some of this and now they reckon I’m jealous coz she’s got a boyfriend and I haven’t had one yet. I don’t tell ‘em everything though, do I?! [Yes. Yes I did. I even wrote a few days ago that I’d never had a boyfriend and they’d know if I had because I would tell them.]

Does everybody know I fancy Dougie?! [Probably. I was pretty bloody obvious.] Jill Baines was talking about him this morning and everyone looked at me! She was saying that he’s the sort of lad that, if you took him home, your parents would like and he’s good when it comes to homework! She’s probably right!

I’ve seen him a couple of times today. Once at lunch when he was on a bench by us. I didn’t actually notice him until he walked off into the library. He turned round and grinned at me, you know, that hamstery one!

2nd time was when we were lining up to go into French. He walked up the stairs and Hayley said, “Are you still coming skating on Saturday?” I think he said, “I dunno” but I was watching, not listening. Anyway, when he turned the corner to go up the other set of stairs, I looked up and he was watching me as he walked up so I smiled and he did it back all the way up til he went out of view. [Maybe it was a bit like when you keep an eye on an unnerving spider until it’s definitely buggered off.]

Emma doesn’t believe me. She thinks I’m imagining it all. I don’t know if she doesn’t believe me or doesn’t want to believe me.

It was Open Evening at school tonight. Very boring Sat listening to Swing Band.


P.S. Like the green?! [I’d got a pack of different coloured cartridges for my fountain pen.]

Gross or what?! – 10th October 1997

Friday 10th At lunch today I saw quite a lot of Dougie. He was outside our form room when I took my bag up and he was looking at me so I smiled at him. He smiled back.

After I came back in school, I went with Freda and Olivia into a practice room in the Music block so Freda could practice the kit. There were a few lads in there already but Mr P cleared them out. Most of our friends ended up in the small room and so did Dougie and Jez Greenhalgh.

Jez said something to Emma about Dougie coming in to shag her. I didn’t really hear why he said it but it made Olivia laugh. Mr P then came in and told us all to get out except Freda but as soon as he went, we all crowded round the doorway.

Dougie kept coming in and seeing what we were doing and at one point Olivia said, “Doesn’t it look a bit suspicious with you in a room full of girls?!” That then caused Freda to say, “Especially with Tess standing in the corner!” I sort of gave her a disgusted look and Dougie smiled sarkily and went out again.

I was standing in the corridor later on with Emma when Dougie walked up to us and stood up really close to me and said, “Are you coming ice skating?” I told him I didn’t know but probably. You see, Hayley, Emma and Freddie Bevan had all decided in Geography that we’re going ice skating in the hols and Dougie and I are going too. It started off as the cinema but it changed for some reason. Dougie said he can’t skate coz he hasn’t been for ages but the other lads (including Jez) go every week.

The bell went and we all went up to our form rooms. Dougie was lined up with a few other people but he was basically on his bill. I was going from the stairs to the form room so I could see what he was doing and if he was watching me. He did once! [Probably only because he was wondering what he feck I was doing going back and forth from the stairs.]

We had P.S.E. last thing which is when I see Dougie most, usually on Fridays. It was our last lesson on careers with Mrs L and she was going round the class asking us all what we wanted to do. I was the only one who said I didn’t know and I don’t really. I quite like the thought of working with animals, you know, as a vet or something.

Well, Dougie said he would like to be a journalist or a writer I never imagined him as that but it quite suits him really. I like it!

Orchestra was good. Every time Mr P mentioned my name, I glanced over at Dougie (who is opposite me at the other side of the room) to see what he did. It made him look up usually. Emma also said she saw him craning his neck around Robert Osborne when he walked between us!

Dougie was doing the bells for a Christmassy song and I looked up at him, smiling coz he looked funny sitting there with bells and he looked up and smiled back. We ended up both laughing and I couldn’t play my flute!

Woah! I know all along that Davis fancied Lizzie. Then today in Maths he sent her a note asking her out! Urgh! Gross or what?! I think I’m the only one who doesn’t think it’s ”kinda sweet”. She hasn’t given him an answer yet.

She went out with Ralph too. She seems to attract pricks! [Er… Without giving away too much, I may or may not do a U-turn on that in a couple of months.]

I’m going now.

♥ BYE! ♥

Oh, I luv the guy! – 8th October 1997

Wednesday 8th First thing this morning, we had assembly. I walked in through the doors and most people were already in the studio including Dougie. He was looking at me and Lizzie (I think) at one point. It was quite a good assembly done by Mr M on fear. He was coming round with cobwebs and dead wasps and throwing woodlice at us!

He was funny considering he’d just had a right go at our form for being the worst. He says we’ve nearly had as many detentions as the rest of the year put together! The rest of ‘em must have done well!

3rd thing we had basketball. It was quite good (considering the lads don’t tend to pass the 6 of us the ball) because we had a game. Our team was crap but I managed to block a few passes and score once.

I always end up on Johnny Doherty’s team and he’s gotta be the worst for not giving us the ball. The rest of the group that is! He’s a selfish bastard and wants to get all the glory so he keeps the ball to himself.

Anyway, at the end, Mr B was saying to the lads how they should learn to trust us more and that with our netball skills we can do pretty well. He then said, “Tess, you were super today”. I was really pleased coz I didn’t think I’d done so well. I found it hard not to smile!

At lunch, I saw Dougie and his mates go out of school so I was trying to hurry Lizzie up so we’d pass them on our way out. Just as we were about to take our bags up to our form rooms, I saw Dougie come back in on his bill. I thought he would go and get his bag and I was right [After years of stalking, I’d got to know his habits rather well.] so, after being stopped by Hayley, he was behind us on the way up the stairs.

I chucked my bag in a corner (accidentally on purpose on top of his) and I turned round and he was stood behind me. He said, “Hello” (and I did too) and grabbed his bag and followed us back down the stairs. We got outside and I asked him what he was doing but before he had chance to answer, Lizzie asked him, “Are you stalking us?” He mumbled some sarky answer, smiled and went in another block. I think he’s in Macbeth (Ha, ha, ha! That should be good!) so he was probably going to rehearsals.

Later on in lunch, it started pouring it down so Emma and I went off to the Music block. I saw Dougie and Ralph come in so I told Emma and went to see what they were doing. Well, we didn’t actually go to them coz that would’ve looked obvious so we went to Ed instead. Dougie kept turning round and came over at one point.

They were all composing music on the computers so we went over and listened to Dougie’s. It was quite good except it sounded a bit like a funeral march!

The bell went and he raced off, looking back at me once.

It was Geography straight after lunch and Mrs C was setting another class some work so we just talked for a few minutes. I really can’t remember what about but Neil kept saying stupid things about bed-wetting after X-Files and stuff and Dougie and I just looked at each other.

I mentioned Ed’s list of top 20 girls and Dougie asked me if I was on it. I said no and he sort of smiled but not nastily.

Oh, I luv the guy! Well, that could change, depending on what happens tomorrow! [CLIFFHANGER!!]

November 1996 - Red heart (general)
♥ BYE! ♥

I could actually like him! – 7th October 1997

Tuesday 7th I caught Dougie glancing at me today. Twice! [Thank GOD! Yesterday I thought he was never going to look at me again!]

First time was when he was coming up the stairs this morning for form and he walked past and glanced sideways at me. The second time he was coming down the stairs a few minutes later and he was sighing, I think, and he turn right round and looked at me again.

Too many people like him at the moment! There’s

Zoe’s sis in Year 7
Lizzie says she likes him but hasn’t mentioned him for a while
Emma denies liking him but I don’t believe her!

[They were just the ones I knew about. I definitely had more competition than that. Pretty much all the girls in school fancied Dougie because he’d moved from Cumbria and was therefore all exotic.]

Hmmm….. What else has happened today??? Oh yeah, Mrs P collapsed or something in the middle of the quad. I’ve heard so many different sides of it but I saw the ambulance.

I went to Swing Band this afternoon after school coz Mr P wants me and Emma to join for the Paris trip.

Davis kept winking at Lizzie in English so I asked him why and he just said something about her looking at him between blowing his bloody trumpet down my ear!

Charlie W kept smiling at me too. I hate to admit this but… well… he sorta looks cute when he does and I could actually like him! [I KNEW IT!!! There’s been way too much in my diary about how much I didn’t like him for that to be true. The lady doth protest too much and all that.]

Urgh!!! What am I saying?! Anyway, he hardly ever smiles and when he does, I’d better just not look!

Dougie was in the Music block at lunch actually. He was in a practice room with a few other lads on the kit. They all went out so he said he’d come and stand with us instead of being on his bill.

Hey, I hope Dougie doesn’t like Emma! He’s so horrid to her. Maybe he does it for attention! I hope not!


He told me to feel his hand – 4th October 1997

Saturday 4th Emma and I went to Dougie’s village this afternoon. It took about 20 mins to get there and we were knackered. I wanted to call on Lizzie first but Emma wanted to go for Lucy so we did. [Lucy very conveniently lived next door to Dougie.]

I wanted to see Dougie but I also didn’t. D’you know what I mean?! We got past his house without seeing him and went for Lucy. Her sister answered the door and Lucy was eating her lunch so we went for Lizzie. She wasn’t in. She’d gone to her nan’s and swimming I think so we went back to Lucy’s again.

Lucy suggested calling on Dougie to see if he wanted to come so we sent her round. He didn’t. His middle sis had answered the door and said he was having a shower and doing homework.

We ended up taking our bikes to the park and just standing about. Somebody had drawn a picture in pen on one of the swings saying ‘Big Head JD’. We thought it could’ve been James Douglas (Dougie)!

I got bored and made them get off the swings and we cycled back to Lucy’s. We just stood [lurked] on the drive talking and Lucy went back round to Dougie’s. He said to give him a minute so we went inside for a drink.

Emma was just stuffing her face with cake when Dougie came to the front door. I went outside and stood on the drive with the others. There was a really awkward silence and nobody could decide what to do. In the end, we went through onto Dougie’s drive and played basketball. He’s not bad and I go a few in but Lucy and Emma gave up in the end coz they’re crap!

We just stood there shooting and started talking and we started taking the piss out of Charlie W and his party in the car park! It got really boring so Dougie and Lucy thought they would take us up this hill. We left our bikes and started walking. We took a short cut through these trees and I got hit in the eye with a branch. I was stood there with my eye watering and Dougie said, “You alright?” The other two just ignored me.

Anyway, we got through the nettles and brambles and got to the top. It was more open with not so many trees and we just sat on the grass eating Smints and Polos. Dougie then pulled a kite out of his pocket and told us that he knew there’d be nowt to do.

Emma went over to a bush and started picking berries and throwing them at us so Dougie chased her round and did it back. At one point, Lucy and Emma disappeared over the side of the hill and left me and Dougie. He commented on them being lesbians after I’d asked what the hell they were doing.

He went and touched some tree, trying to get off berries to throw at Emma and there was all this waxy stuff on it. He came over and showed me and he told me to feel his hand. I just laughed and said, “No, you’re alright!” and I couldn’t stand it any longer, I just had to get the other two to come back! [For God’s sake! I should’ve just touched his hand. Although, if touching his coat was the best thing since sliced bread, touching his ACTUAL HAND might’ve turned me into a jibbering wreck.]

General 1997 - Heart

Dougie asked them what they’d been doing and Lucy came out with, “We were just rolling round in the grass.” Dougie and I just burst out laughing and got told by Lucy we had sick minds!

We went back to Lucy’s again and said bye as Dougie went home. On the way back, Dougie had trodden in a dead magpie I’d turned over on the way up the hill and he had bits of it on his trainer but I didn’t tell him!

We ended up talking to Dougie again over the fence but not for long coz we had to go home. We told Lucy to come and meet us tomorrow and get Dougie to come too. I want them too, I think, but I don’t think they will.

On the way back, Emma told me that she’d gone over that hill deliberately so Dougie and I were alone. I don’t know what she thought we’d do!

Lucy and Dougie said they saw us leaving the cinema last night but couldn’t be bothered saying hi. Charming!

I can’t decide what Dougie thinks of me. I was pretty miserable today coz Man Utd were playing Crystal Palace and there was nowhere to get the score. If I see him tomorrow, I’ll try and be a bit livelier! I’m a bit worried about someone I know seeing us if we do meet up and then telling Mum or Dad.

Anyway, we probably won’t be going.


P.S. The score was 2-0 to Man U. Yey!