I denied all knowledge of the stains – 5th June 2000

Monday 5th I got some more messages off Jake in the night. I’d been lying in bed, thinking about stuff we’d done together over the time we’ve been going out so I sent him a message asking if he was still awake and then which night together he thought was best. He replied, “I’M AWAKE! HMMM IT WOULD EITHER BE LAST TUES AT GETH’S, THE FRI YOU LEANT ME YOUR FLEECE, THE NIGHT WE MET – HAPPIEST NIGHT EVER! – OR FRI BUT I’D WANT TO DO IT AGAIN SO I COULD CHEER U UP! WHY? xJx”.

I told him I’d just been wondering and then said that we never know what’s going to happen and we might have even better nights yet to come! He said, “I HOPE SO!!! : ) IF THAT WAS THE WORST IT’S GONNA GET I CAN LIVE WITH IT! I’M GLAD WE’VE TAKEN THINGS AS WE HAVE COS THERE’S NO RUSH! I LOVE YOU xxx JAKE xxx”.

I hope we’ve not spoken too soon saying that the worst night was on Friday and stuff! I told him I’m glad we haven’t rushed it too and then asked how come he’s so patient cos other lads usually push girls to go all the way pretty quickly. He said, “DON’T KNOW COS I’M NOT THE PATIENT TYPE! THEN AGAIN I’VE LEARNT A LOT ABOUT MYSELF! NEVER THOUGHT I’D FIND SOMEONE I LOVED THIS MUCH!! YOU’RE TOO GOOD TO LOSE! xJx”.

I really can’t believe he loves me!! 🙂 He makes me so happy!! The way this has all gone and is still going is one of those relationships where, if we were in a soap opera, it’d be going really well and then something bad happens! I hope it doesn’t end up like a Titanic or Romeo and Juliet sort of ending!!

Sorry, that’s so negative! I mean, things like this have gone well and have lasted forever for other people so why shouldn’t it for us?! It just all seems too good to be true at the moment!

Anyway, I sent him another message telling him to let me know if his patience ever definitely runs out. He then said, “OK BUT I DON’T THINK IT WILL! I MIGHT WANT AN ‘EVEN BETTER NIGHT’ BEFORE I GO TO A PLACE I’M NOT GONNA SAY THE NAME OF!? DO YOU BELIEVE IN FATE?! xJx”.

I told him I wasn’t sure about fate but that I was sure he might not be the only one who might want an ‘even better night’ before he goes to Canada! I am getting to the stage now where I might want to take things further with him. It’s only really the fear of the possible consequences that’s stopping me.

This morning he texted me and told me that he’d asked if I believed in fate cos he thinks we were meant to be together. He could be right!

It was back to college today unfortunately! Gethin was announcing very loudly to people that he’s got to wash his brother’s sheets cos of them being covered in stains! He’d narrowed it down to me and Jake somehow but I denied all knowledge of the stains and even lied to Sarah that nothing had happened. I suppose I just don’t want people to make a fuss/take the piss/think I’m showing off or anything. Some people just don’t get that I’d rather keep stuff to myself.

Sarah eventually found out that on Friday night, Gethin had discovered the stains and apparently he and Jake had been laughing and joking about how they got there but then, as soon as Gethin suggested it could have been me and Jake, Jake went bright red and said it had nowt to do with me. When I acted all innocent on the subject today, Gethin drew his own conclusions that Jake had been entertaining himself so I got annoyed with Gethin for interfering and warned Jake about what Gethin thought. Jake started worrying, saying that he’d never even consider doing that in someone else’s bed and that he’d never be able to show his face around college if Gethin told people his theory! He sent Gethin a message then to deny it and I had a go at Gethin so he said he was sorry. He should just leave it now.

I need to see Jake!! I don’t know how the hell I’m going to cope when we’re apart for longer! He kept saying he missed me in messages and stuff today.



He had his hand down my top for all of 2 minutes! – 28th May 2000

Sunday 28th Abby’s b’day!

Sarah had a little all-night gathering at her house tonight which involved her, Gethin, Hayley, Floyd, Jake and me. We all got pretty drunk pretty quickly so it was quite a good laugh. Jake stayed on one of the sofas pretty much all night so I stayed there with him.

Due to music being played pretty much throughout the night, Truly, Madly, Deeply by Savage Garden kept coming on so is yet another song that’s going to remind me of Jake. [Ugh… Vom.]

Every time I tried to get up, Jake tried to stop me. I like it when he doesn that cos it means he wants me to stay!

Hayley went all suicidal at one point so I had to go and sort her out. All I really wanted to do was go back to Jake but I didn’t for fear of later finding her swinging on the end of a rope from the ceiling or something. Gethin and Sarah also had a word with her and she seemed to cheer up a bit, especially when Andy answered her call.

Floyd was pretty happy all night because on Thursday night he’d been rolling round on Brian’s bedroom flood with Cat apparently!

Sarah was kept happy once she’d snogged Gethin in her bed! Gethin was just being his normal mad self!

I was happy to be with Jake but when it got light this morning, I was left slightly frustrated cos we hadn’t got any further than just kissing, except when he had his hand down my top for all of 2 minutes! I can’t believe we wasted the opportunity to do more. Even Sarah and Gethin did and we’ve been going out for well over 3 months! Oh well, maybe next time if there is one. I really would be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed by that night. I’ll know not to get my hopes up next time, I suppose!

Jake did say “Love you” once this morning and said something about wanting to eat my arm. I think he meant in an affectionate way, not just because he’d had no breakfast! He’s also decided he likes my nose. He says it’s cute, especially when I screw it up when he goes to kiss it or touch it!

He looked very cute this morning! He had Wallace and Gromit pyjamas on and his hair had gone all fluffy! He looked like a little kid!

I got a message from Jake when I got home and it said something about me needing to get beauty sleep. Charming! He then sent me another to explain, “I WAS GOING TO SAY THAT YOU DIDN’T NEED BEAUTY SLEEP BECAUSE YOU ARE ALREADY BEAUTIFUL BUT I COULDN’T FIT IT IN THE MESSAGE! I BETTER NOT GO TO GETHIN’S TONIGHT OR MY DAD WILL MOAN AT ME FOR GOING OUT FOUR NIGHTS IN A ROW + NOT REVISING!”

Liar! I still don’t know what he sees in me at all!

I sent him a message before asking if he was going to round to Gethin’s tonight and I said that I was still really tired but would go if he was. He said, “OK! HAYLEY AND GETHIN HAVE JUST RUNG ME – THEY ARE COOKING! I’LL SEE YOU ON TUESDAY IF WE GO SHOPPING?? P.S. I’M FLATTERED YOU WOULD GO IF I WAS GOING! : ) LOVE xJx”.

After that but a bit later on, I sent him a message apologising for falling asleep at Sarah’s! He sent me one back saying, “IT’S OK! JUST BEING WITH YOU MAKES IT A GOOD NIGHT! EVEN IF YOU ARE ASLEEP! YOU WOULD ONLY FEEL WORSE NOW IF YOU HADN’T FALLEN ASLEEP!! LOVE YOU!!! : ) xJx”.

He also sent another saying that I looked really cute when I’m asleep and that he wouldn’t want to wake me up after I told him he should’ve done. I also said that it had been a good night but admitted that I felt it’d been slightly wasted. He said, “OH WELL WE’LL GET ALL NIGHT TOGETHER AT GETHIN’S SO I’LL MAKE SURE YOU DON’T FALL ASLEEP! WE MIGHT GET A LITTLE MORE PRIVACY AND A COMFIER BED TOO?!! LOVE xJx”.

I told him that in order to get more privacy we might have to get Sarah to keep Gethin occupied! Jake said, “YES! – I’M SURE SHE WON’T MIND GOING ALONG WITH THAT!! WHEN ARE WE GONNA GO ROUND? BETTER MAKE SURE SARAH IS THERE AT THE SAME TIME! LOVE YOU SOOOOOO MUCH!!! : ) xJx”.

I did reply to that one but he didn’t send any back for a couple of hours. I assumed he’d fallen asleep for the night but then at 11:33 pm I got a message from him saying, “I LOVE YOU! NIGHT NIGHT! : ) xJx”. That’s all it said but it didn’t half make me smile!


We started flashing our underwear – 20th May 2000

Saturday 20th We all thought last night was going to be really crap but it turned out to be quite good!

Jake’s dad dropped him, Gethin and Hayley off at my house (Sarah was already here) and we just sat about for a while, waiting for a bus to take us to The Dog. I let Jake in my bedroom while I looked for something, even though it’s a complete tip! He said he thought his room was bad until he saw mine! Thanks!! I just had to keep explaining that it’s only a mess cos I’ve not had time to tidy it recently!

We snogged on the landing outside my bedroom door before going back downstairs to get the bus.

I showed them some little drawing my dad had done of someone stabbing the little cartoon taxman on some leaflet which they found amusing. We were then talking about names. Jake said that if he’d been a girl he’d have been called Abby and I told him I was nearly called Clara. They’re our sister’s names! Then we discovered that the 19th June is Jake’s mum’s birthday and it’s my dad’s birthday too! We’ve decided we were destined for each other!

When we arrived at The Dog it was really busy and we were greeted with a hug off Matt Carrera! We sent Jake off to get drinks and we found a seat. When he came back, he told me that Matt had said I’m “a bit of a piece” and that he used to fancy me at primary school! That’s odd cos I went through a stage of fancying him at primary school too when I used to walk round to school with him, Zoe and Megan Quinn!

There was a point when we started flashing our underwear at each other! Jake had Tommy Hilfiger undies on!

We had a good long conversation with each other about stuff. I mentioned about going to Huddersfield and asked him what he thought about us going to the same place. He likes the idea and told me that quite a few of the couples in his year are going to the same universities. He then started telling me that you’re allowed mixed quarters there!

He told me that he was going to do photography and also looked at the environment courses or something but has now definitely decided on architecture.

Skiing and Canada came up again as usual. He’s only actually been skiing 3 times before. I thought he’d been more than that. He said that he only decided to go to Canada because there was no reason for him to stay here but he doesn’t want to go as much now cos of me. He said if we’d have got together earlier he might only have gone for 7 weeks or not at all.

Then we started talking about how long we’d liked each other for. I said I’d liked him since the October LA Bowl trip but, in actual fact, I’ve only liked him on and off since then. He said he liked me before that trip but didn’t say when.

Lara Beale then got into the conversation. I think he said she’s the only other proper girlfriend he’s had but I’m not sure. He was telling me that it was totally different between them than it is between us because he only really fancied her. He said he was never this soppy with her!

He said he’s never been in love before, until me! He also told me that he doesn’t ever want to split up and he can’t ever see himself with anyone other than me. I told him the same thing cos, at the moment, it’s perfectly true! I’m pretty sure I do love him now! I don’t think I could possibly like him any more than I do now!

We ended up walking back to Hayley’s village to walk her home but I didn’t mind. We stopped off at my house to get Hayley a pair of trainers and a jumper and Jake my blue Fila fleece. It looked really nice on him! He kept telling me it was really nice because it smelled of me.


Jake robbing my Fila fleece.

The other 3 got quite far ahead cos Jake and I kept stopping to kiss. We stopped on Crow Bridge and then by the railings on the corner before Crofters Lane. While we were kissing there, we could hear some bird or something squeaking in the field so we used that as an excuse to go through the path in the trees to find out what it was! [It’ll have been an oystercatcher.] We stopped in the field on the other side of the little bridge and kissed and hugged for ages.

He said he didn’t understand why I liked him and told me that he’s not sure why he first started liking me and said he only really noticed what a nice figure I had and how nice looking I was when he started going out with me. I’m not sure whether to be flattered about that or not! I think he meant it in a nice way!

I kept getting phone calls off Sarah telling us to hurry up (when in actual fact she wanted us to take our time so she could get longer with Gethin!) cos Hayley wanted to get home.

The next place we stopped was by the layby outside school. I had really cold hands so I put them up his shirt to keep them warm. I’ve discovered he’s very ticklish!

We met Sarah and Gethin by the bench outside school on the corner near Wythenshaw Lane. By then I had my hands down the front of his trousers but only at the top (not near anything!) to stop him complaining I was tickling him! Unfortunately, the taxi was quick to arrive. We sat in the back and Sarah sat in the front so we could hold hands. He ended up resting my hand near the top of his leg but, of course, on the outside of his clothes!

When I got in the house after saying goodbye to Jake, Sarah told me she’d snogged Gethin so was pleased we’d been taking our time walking towards them. Then Abby got in from her night out in town. She’s deliriously happy because Chris T from kickboxing was there and she snogged him and he’s given her his phone number and said to ring him at 2:00pm on Monday! He lives on Pig Lane in Woolston.

I got some nice messages off Jake when I got in bed. He sent the first one saying it’s been a good night so I sent him one agreeing and saying at least we got to be alone for a bit and he said, “I KNOW! BUT WITHOUT THE NETTLES! OH AND COLD HANDS! I KNOW I SAY THIS EVERY WEEK BUT I WANT YOU IN MY BED NOW!! P.S. YOU’RE NOT GETTING THIS FLEECE BACK! LOVE xJx”.


I asked what he was planning to do instead of sleeping and he replied, “OH THIS AND THAT! : ) I WANT TO BE WITH YOU BECAUSE I LOVE YOU AND WANT TO HOLD YOU AND TOUCH YOU ALL THE TIME! KEEPING WARM IS ONE OF THE MANY BENEFITS : ) xJx”.

This morning, I woke up to find my phone in my hand with a half written message to Jake on the screen! I must have fallen asleep mid-message! I sent him a message telling him that and asking how he was and if I’ll get my fleece back. He replied, “AAH YOU’RE SO CUTE! I’M FINE! : ) IN FACT I’M MORE THAN FINE – I’M REALLY HAPPY! : ) THIS WEEK’S BEEN REALLY GOOD – WE’VE SEEN A LOT OF EACH OTHER! I’LL THINK ABOUT IT! xJx”. I think he means he’ll think about giving me my fleece back!

I’ve remembered other stuff about last night. He kept making really happy sort of sighing noises whenever we were on our own or kissing and he kept putting his finger on my nose every time I put my hands on his back or said something cheeky and stuff. Oh God, he’s so nice!!

The other weird coincidence was that Jake and I used to ride the same horse at the riding stables. It was called Taffy. I did it when I was at primary school though but he did at high school.


A good base for bad rumours – 15th May 2000

Monday 15th I got a few nice message off the gorgeous Jake in the night. I’d sent him one asking what he’d meant in an earlier message when he said we’d got our dark alley or something. His reply was, “I MEANT INSTEAD OF OUR DARK COUNTRY LANE! IT MADE UP FOR LAST FRI! WHY ARE YOU SO IRRESISTIBLE?! IT CAN’T BE GOOD FOR ME! LOVE YOU LOTS!! JAKE : ) xxxxx”.

I then reminded him that he was planning on getting rid of his sweet and innocent image! I also pointed out that this all must be good for him cos it’s not exactly bad at the moment. He then said, “NAH! I THINK THE SWEET + INNOCENT ME CAN STAY FOR A WHILE! IT ISN’T DOING BADLY, IS IT?! I MEANT MY BRAIN ISN’T FUNCTIONING PROPERLY – IT ONLY THINKS ABOUT YOU! xJx”. He sent me that message at exactly midnight!

I sent him one last message saying goodnight and explaining that I didn’t have enough credit to send any others. His last message to me was lovely! It said, “: ( WISH YOU COULD REVERSE THE CHARGES ON MESSAGES! IT’LL GIVE ME TIME TO THINK ABOUT YOU EVEN MORE! : ) YOU’RE THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME + I LOVE YOU x”.

Jake came to college today wearing his pink shirt and shorts, oh, and his sunglasses that match his car! Guess what… everything but the glasses was Quiksilver!

Apparently when Gethin was on the phone to Sarah last night, he said he thinks “our Tess is getting it”! Great, that’s a good base for bad rumours to start from!

I tried to point out Sarah to Robbie today but he was either avoiding making eye contact or she ran off! I gave a photo to Jake to show him but when he showed Robbie he said he only goes for blondes or something!


It’s difficult controlling myself around him – 7th May 2000

Sunday 7th I got some nice messages off Jake last night. I sent him a message saying that Hayley had a lovebite and that it’s difficult controlling myself around him. He said, “TELL ME ABOUT IT! (NOT THE LOVE BITE! – THE CONTROLLING YOURSELF BIT!) I’VE GOT A THRESHOLD OF ABOUT 2 MINS BEFORE I WANT TO DIVE ON YOU! : ) LOVE YOU! xxxxx”.

I then said something about it being scary cos I never thought I’d get like this over someone and he said, “YOU KNOW WHAT! – BEFORE YOU I DIDN’T WANT A GIRLFRIEND – I JUST WANTED TO HAVE FUN AND BE SINGLE! NOT ANY MORE! I THOUGHT I KNEW WHAT LOVE WAS TOO! – I DIDN’T! xJx”.

Honestly, it’s sweet but some of the things he comes out with sometimes sound like they’ve come out of a soap opera script! Maybe they have!!

The last nice message came after I told him I did love him but I was falling asleep so I’d best say goodnight! He sent one then saying, “HAH LIGHTWEIGHT! YOU’RE LOSING YOUR NOCTERNALNESS! NIGHT NIGHT! WORDS CAN’T EXPRESS HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU!! LOTS n LOTS n LOTS OF LOVE JAKE xxx : ) xxx”.

I got a message this morning from Jake. It said, “OH MY GOD! I’VE JUST BEEN WATCHING THE NEWS AND A GIRL WAS BADLY HURT WHEN SHE FELL OFF ONE OF THE RIDES AT KNUTSFORD! APPARENTLY IT WASN’T SAFE! : ( xJx”. I hope she’s okay. That’s quite scary actually. He then sent another with the name of the ride. It turned out to be the one we chickened out of going on!

It was the Swing Band concert at Formby Hall in Atherton this evening. It went really well, I think. Everyone expects us to be some crappy little school band and they’re then shocked when they hear us play cos we’re so good!

Bolton Wanderers are through to the first division play offs. I’m quite pleased about that! I wish Dad would take us to see them again.


It is a pretty haunting sound – 26th April 2000

Wednesday 26th Not much to write today really except note down a couple of Jake’s messages, no, 3 actually.

I sent him one this morning explaining why I was trying to make him drink and he sent me one saying he was just getting a bit suspicious about it and he apologised for seeming moody. He explained that he just kept wondering why I kept wandering off and that things aren’t too great at the moment cos of his mum.


I sent him a reply saying that Gethin’d said to me apparently what he’d said to Jake but that I wasn’t sure what it was cos I stopped listening. Jake replied, “HE SAID THAT WE SHOULD COME HALF WAY AND WORK OUT WHAT WE WANT FROM OUR RELATIONSHIP?? I KNOW WHAT I WANT – FOR US TO LOVE EACH OTHER + BE HAPPY! : ) xJx”.

How sweet (but soppy!) is that?!!

Abby’s joined me in my room tonight with the camp bed cos she can hear some cow in the field! It is a pretty haunting sound actually!


I had to kiss him again to stop myself squealing! – 19th April 2000

Wednesday 19th I went to Chester College (or whatever it is) open day today with Sarah, Floyd and Cat. It’s quite nice but they don’t do physiotherapy. I just went to prevent me having another boring day at home. Sarah loved it and has decided already that that’s where she wants to go!


When we’d looked round (which didn’t actually take long cos it wasn’t as big as we thought it’d be), Sarah’s dad took us to McDonald’s. When we were there, we saw a lad with his eyebrow pierced. He had the same sort of features as Jake and it looked quite good so the others told me to text him and see if he’d get it done! I got a message back saying he doesn’t want to look like J from 5ive!

I sent him one back saying I was considering getting my belly button pierced (I’m not but I just wanted to know what he thought cos I think that looks good too) and he sent me a reply saying, “GO ON – YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!! IT ONLY GETS INFECTED IF YOU DON’T CLEAN IT PROPERLY! IT’S A REAL TURN ON!! NOT THAT YOU DON’T ALREADY THOUGH! : ) LOVE YOU LOADS xxx”. It’s the infection part along with any pain that stops me doing it. Oh, and my mum’d probably kill me! I’m too soft!!

I missed kickboxing tonight cos ALL my mates were going round to Brian’s. I was meant to be getting my yellow belt and certificate tonight but I didn’t want to miss out on anything. The football (Man Utd v Real Madrid) was on too but that only pissed me off cos Utd lost 3-2 and are now out of the European Cup. Bugger!!

Jake and I just snuggled up in the corner of Brian’s bed. He was totally sober cos he was driving (I’d had a bit of vodka) but we were kissing loads and ended up doing what we did at Denny’s and staying outside clothes again due to a room full of people.

Eventually Brian had to chuck everyone out so Jake gave me, Sarah and Hayley a lift home. He took Sarah back to her village first and then nearly took me until I squeaked a bit and he took the hint and took Hayley!

I’m glad he did cos I got an extra half hour or so with him in The Green Dragon car park. We were kissing pretty much all the time but at one point he stopped mid-snog and mumbled something. I asked, “What?” and he said, “I love you.” That’s the first time he’s ever said it properly! My stomach was tying itself in the nice sort of knots and I had to kiss him again to stop myself squealing! The kissing part proved difficult when I was trying not to smile!

When I’d calmed down slightly, I thought I’d better say something back so I told him I loved him too. I dunno if I do really. I mean, I’ve never liked anyone this much before but I don’t want to be one of those people who just think they’re in love when they’re not really. Oh well, I’ll just assume I am for the time being!

A bit later, he went to try and do 2 but I managed to stop him by holding his hand. I don’t really know why I did.t just let him. I think it was because I’d sobered up a bit and realised that there were probably security cameras about and also that Dad could walk past going to the pub at any time! It’s comforting to know that Jake stopped when I wanted him to though.

The car was totally steamed up by the time I got out! I didn’t really want to leave because he didn’t either but it had got quite late.


I asked him then if he’d woken anyone up and then told him I didn’t mind him making a move and that it was the lack of time that was the problem because the more we’d have done, the more I’d have wanted to stay (or something along those lines). He replied, “NO! FOR ONCE I DIDN’T WAKE ANYONE UP! ARE YOU SURE? I DIDN’T WANT TO FORCE YOU INTO SOMETHING OR SEEM LIKE I DIDN’T CARE! I WANTED TO STAY WITH YOU! LOVE J x”.

I assured him that I wasn’t bothered and that I know he cares and that he wasn’t forcing me to do anything I didn’t want to. He sent me one back saying, “ALRIGHT THEN! : ) I JUST WASN’T SURE BECAUSE OF ALL THAT “AGREEMENT” MESS!! IT’S NOT FAIR! I WANT TO BE WITH YOU NOW! LOADS AND LOADS OF LOVE JAKE xxxxx”,

I sent him another asking what wasn’t fair and then told him that I wanted to be with him too seeing as I was in bed! He replied, “NO I MEANT IT’S NOT FAIR THAT WE HAD TO GO HOME! I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT WHATEVER HAPPENS IT’S BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! YOU IN BED IS WHERE I WANT TO BE! LOVE J x”.

I then sent him one last message (at about 2:15 am!) saying I was going to attempt at getting some sleep and he said, “SORRY YOU’RE RIGHT! I NEED SLEEP TOO BUT I DON’T THINK IT’S GOING TO HAPPEN BECAUSE I’M THINKING ABOUT YOU! NIGHT NIGHT! : ) LOVE YOU LOADS xxxxx”.

I like him soooo much!!!