It sounds so much like he’s missing me….. NOT! – 20th & 21st August 2000

Sunday 20th We didn’t do much today cos Rhian was recovering from last night and Abby and I were tired. We just wandered round the town and then Auntie S forced Rhian to buy Maureen (Laura’s mum) some flowers and take them round and apologise for being sick on her walls and carpet!

Bye!

P.S. Poor Milly the cat died today. 😦

Monday 21st I went online today and this e-mail had come for me. I was so pleased cos I can’t stand not having any contact with Jake!

Jake email 1.jpg

I sent him this one back. →

Reply to Jake email 1

I do realise that I’ve put the bit about Hugo twice!

I can’t find any sellotape or scissors in this house which is why those are stuck in so badly!

Rhian, Abby and I went to find out how much belly button piercing is today but it’s £35-40 and you have to be over 18 or have a parent’s permission which we aren’t and don’t, and Abby told the bloke she’s 16 when he asked so we can’t lie about our age either!

We also went to John o’ Groats for a bit this afternoon. We didn’t stay long but Mollie still got loads of attention from tourists. I suppose it’s cos she’s a Scottie dog in Scotland!

Bye!

CYMERA_20180708_183852.jpg

P.S. Just been back online and I got the e-mail that’s stuck on the next page off Jake. I am not impressed by that e-mail. And it sounds so much like he’s missing me….. NOT!

He sounds like he’s trying to make me jealous/worried or something. I’ve underlined the bits that give me that impression.

Jake email 2

He’s not reacted to anything I said in my last mail either or asked about me once. Charming! I bet he’s not told “all these girls” he’s got a girlfriend either!

Okay, maybe I’m being a bit over the top but this is my immediate reaction. I might have calmed down by the time he rings me in the morning or whenever, that’s if he’s not busy talking to all these new “friends” he’s made!

I have 3 choices of reaction to him tomorrow:-

  1. Act totally normal and pretend I don’t care.
  2. Try and make him jealous by going on about what a good time I’m having and exaggerate on anything that’s happened involving lads e.g. if I said hi to someone then I tell him I had a deep and meaningful heart to heart or something. And also tell him how many nights out I’ve got planned when I go home e.g. Hayley’s asking me to go to Mr Smith’s (which is true, by the way!) cos she’s got 8 free tickets for her birthday.
  3. Sulk.

I’ll decide which one when he actually rings after I’ve seen what he’s like.

Bye!

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“Look at the arse on that!” – 19th August 2000

Saturday 19th Rhian, Abby and I all went into Wick today. There were some youngish lads walking behind us at one point and then they said, “Look at the arse on that!” and then were kicking stuff at me and trying to make me turn round so they could see what I looked like. I didn’t react.

We met up with Laura and Tamara again who was still babysitting the same baby. Apparently he was the 1st Millennium baby in Wick or something and he’s really cute!

The lads round here tend to drive round in circles and there were 3 cars that kept driving past us. One was the red Ford Fiesta which we always saw last year but it only had Greg Thompson in it (who’s actually improved since I last saw him). Another was a black VW containing Stephen something and 2 others. The other one was a blue Nova which had Mark Ferguson in the back but it wasn’t much good cos I couldn’t see him cos of the tinted windows!

I also saw my ex, Duncan Morgan, for the 1st time since last summer. He was just walking along and didn’t speak to us.

Jake phoned me this evening. He was on the cruise ship and was just setting off from Southampton. He told me that it was about 50/50 with old and young people. I was hoping it was going to be all old people cos that way he’d be less likely to get up to stuff! Not that he will anyway but I can’t help being paranoid!

He told me that he’s got my necklace around his wrist so he can think about me even more and not lose it. It was a bit upsetting talking to him cos I won’t be able to again until at least Tuesday cos he has no signal on his phone out at sea. Plus he told me Hugo was already eyeing up girls and I assume he’ll have to hang round with him cos he doesn’t know anyone else.

Ohh, I’m going to miss him sooooo much! I am doing already. I just feel so far away from him.

It was Laura’s dad’s birthday today so they had a party at their house tonight and we were invited. I saw Kate and Amelia again which was nice cos we were good friends with them last year. Duncan eventually said hi to me and let me take a photo of him! Tamara got very pissed and cried cos she didn’t want me, Abby and Kate to go back to England again! Laura was on the phone to Mark Ferguson nearly all night apologising about something and Rhian spewed everywhere in the house and on Amelia! Abby and I were sober compared to that lot!

Due to Rhian’s “illness” we had to come home early but it was still quite good.

Bye!

I’m going to miss him sooo much….. again! – 17th & 18th August 2000

Thursday 17th I got my module A-level results today. In Biology, I got a C in Processes of Life and an E in Physiology (I’ll be resitting that one!) but I got and A and a B in Geography.

Jake got a C in General Studies, a D in Geography and Es in Design Technology and Physics. He only got 12 points but needed 14 for Huddersfield. Mr H rang up and they still accepted him.

After I’d been to the dentist and hairdresser, Jake came round to say goodbye before his cruise tomorrow. We took Mollie for a walk and then lay on my bed and talked. 3 happened.

He took some photos that I had of me with him which I don’t like but he insisted, along with my heart necklace thing. We said goodbye which was really sad and then his taxi came. He waved as he was being driven away cos he saw me stood at the spare room window. I’m going to miss him sooo much….. again!

Bye!

Friday 18th I can’t actually see what I’m doing all that well cos Rhian’s just turned the light right down! I’m in Wick now, by the way. We set off at about 6:30am and got here at about 5:30pm. I slept for quite a while in the car so it seemed to go quite quickly.

I had a nice message off Jake on my way up. It said, “: ) OK! I’LL TAKE YOUR NECKLACE! I REALLY DON’T MIND YOU SAYING THAT YOU LOVE ME ALL THE TIME! : ) I LOVE YOU SOOOOO MUCH TOO – THAT’S WHY I’M GONNA MISS YOU SO MUCH BUT I CAN’T HELP FEELING HAPPY – EVEN NOW COS YOU’RE ON MY MIND PERMANENTLY AND WHENEVER I GET UPSET COS I’M MISSING YOU I JUST THINK OF YOU GIGGLING : ) THAT MAKES ME SMILE AND CHEERS ME UP A BIT! 2 WEEKS SEEMS SUCH A LONG TIME – AND IT IS! BUT I THINK THAT WE ARE VERY CLOSE IN EACH OTHER’S HEARTS SO DESPITE HOW FAR APART WE ARE YOU’RE WITH ME ALL THE TIME! REALLY REALLY REALLY GOING TO MISS YOU! : ( I LOVE YOU! : ) xxx JAKE xxx”.

When we arrived in Wick, we had some food, went round to call for Rhian’s mate, Laura Morgan, and then went round to someone’s house where their mate, Tamara Fagan, was babysitting. It was a bit boring so we came home again.

Bye!

Crunching ice cubes on my own – 15th July 2000

Saturday 15th My cousins, Auntie S and Uncle G arrived back here from Florida this morning. She must have been jetlagged but my cousin Rhian insisted that she felt alright enough to come to the Trafford Centre with me and Gethin. So the 3 of us went and the other 2 seemed to get on okay. I couldn’t get a word in edgeways! I bought a bag but that was about it cos all we did was wander round. We got the bus back just in time for a Chinese takeaway at my house.

It’s Gethin’s 17th birthday today so he, Floyd and I were all going round to Sarah’s house so we could give him his cards and stuff. Rhian came too in the end. We didn’t do much there either except watch Romeo and Juliet and then a couple of episodes of the Queer As Folk video we bought Gethin.

Gethin told me today that Jake had phoned him last night and told him what he’d found me. Gethin told me it’s a really big pinecone plus some other stuff. I wish he hadn’t told me cos I know Jake didn’t want me to know. Gethin also told me that Jake told him that he would never have been going on the cruise or to Canada if he’d have known what it was like to be split up from me!

Jake actually tried to phone me at about 1:00 am today. I’d been asleep but dreaming about my phone ringing and then I woke up to 2 missed calls! He tried again and I picked it up but nothing happened and then I got an anonymous call which I assume was him too. Before he’d tried to phone, I’d had a message saying, “HELLO! : ) NO YOU HAVEN’T WOKEN ME! I’M NOT PLANNING ON SLEEPING – WE’RE IN THE BAR DROWNING OUR SORROWS!! SAY HELLO TO RHIAN! HOPE THEY HAD A GOOD TIME! LOVE xJx”.

Going from that I assumed he was drunk cos he never rings me at night. I sent him a message asking what he wanted and asking why he was drowning his sorrows and something about Gethin always ending up telling me stuff that he thinks I don’t know. He replied, “BUT GETHIN DOESN’T KNOW STUFF! WE WERE DROWNING OUR SORROWS COS I’M MISSING YOU, ARRAN’S MISSING HIS GIRLF, ROB HAS GONE TO BED AND ALI WAS UNHAPPY – BUT HE JUST PULLED…” and then, “A POLISH GIRL! SO DID YOU GO OUT TONIGHT?? I WAS JUST TALKING TO GETHIN ABOUT HIS JOB AND WHERE I’D BEEN – THAT’S ALL! LOVE xJx”.

I didn’t reply to that last message cos I fell asleep but this morning I sent him one asking if he had tried to phone cos I wasn’t sure if I’d dreamt it or not. He said, “YEH I DID RING! SORRY (AGAIN) REALLY DIDN’T MEAN TO WAKE YOU UP AT THAT TIME! I THINK THE ALCOHOL MADE ME DEPRESSED! FELT SO LONELY! JUST GONNA GO TO BED…” then, “EARLY FROM NOW ON! JUST CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU THAT’S ALL! : ) HAVE YOU GOT MY POSTCARD YET?? LOVE xxxx J xxxx”.

That made me feel sorry for him when he said he felt lonely! I haven’t had another postcard yet.

Later on at the Trafford Centre I sent him a message from Starbucks saying it wasn’t the same crunching ice cubes on my own! He said, “NO IT CAN’T BE THE SAME! : ( DID YOU GET ALL MY MSGS?? OR DID I BLOCK YOUR SIM? WE’RE IN THE CENTRE OF THE OLD TOWN IN PRAGUE LISTENING TO THE JAZZ FESTIVAL!” He also told me that he thinks it’s beautiful there. He probably doesn’t mean it but he doesn’t half rub it in!

I then told him that there are too many things in the Trafford Centre that remind me of him and he said, “WELL THERE’S NOT MUCH TO REMIND ME OF YOU HERE! OHH – THAT’S UNTIL I SAT DOWN FOR SOMETHING TO EAT NEXT TO SHOP CALLED TESSA!!! UNBELIEVABLE! LOVE YOU!!! : ) xxx”.

When I was at Sarah’s this evening we got back onto the subject of him ringing last night. Jake said, “JUST FELT SOOO LONELY AND TOO FAR AWAY – STILL DO! WANT HUGS/CUDDLES/KISSES NOW! UURRGHH! : ( GOTTA GET A TRAIN! LOVE YOU TOO!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx”. Then later he said, “JUST WANTED TO SPEAK TO YOU COS I MISS YOU! I’LL RING YOU WHEN I’M IN RADSTADT ON MONDAY! : ) REALLY REALLY LOVE YOU!!! x”.

When I got home I told him we’d been watching Romeo and Juliet and he said, “AHH I LOVE THAT FILM! WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO GO TO SARAH’S WITHOUT YOU – IT WOULDN’T BE THE SAME SAT ON “OUR SOFA” ON MY OWN! TRY AND ENJOY THE FILM! I’M THINKING OF YOU x”.

I then told him about Sarah handing me a book of her mum’s on cruises and he said, “WELL THAT’S NASTY! THEY’RE NOT BEING V. NICE TO YOU AT THE MOMENT ARE THEY?! SO DID YOU WATCH ALL OF THE FILM? WHEN ARE YOUR COUSINS GOING BACK AGAIN? – YOU DID SAY! x”

I told him we only watched it until it got nasty and that it was making me feel more miserable anyway. Jake said, “UUUUURRRRRGGGGHHHHH! MISS YOU SOOO MUCH – I’M MISERABLE TOO! WE’RE A RIGHT PAIR AREN’T WE! IT’S GOING REALLY QUICK NOW – NOT LONG LEFT! GLAD I FEEL LIKE THIS ABOUT YOU! x”.

I told him that it seems to be going really slowly to me and he said, “WELL IT’S NOT THAT FAR OFF EITHER WAY! WANT U IN THAT TENT TOO! : ) CAN’T WAIT! SPOSE WE CAN’T HAVE THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS! IF WE LOVE EACH OTHER WE’LL HAVE TO…” and then, “PUT UP WITH MISSING EACH OTHER LIKE THIS! MUCH RATHER IT WAS THIS WAY ROUND! : ) NIGHT NIGHT! LOVE YOU! xxx JAKE xxx”.

He’s right again!

Bye!

She wanked the cricketer off in a bus shelter – 24th June 2000

Saturday 24th This morning I got a message of Jake saying, “ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT NOW IS YOU LYING ON THAT SOFA WITH YOUR FLEECE ON! : ) SOOOOO CUTE!!! UH! NOW YOU’VE DONE IT – I CAN’T CONCENTRATE ON ANYTHING ELSE : ) LOVE xJx”. It’s sort of nice to hear that you have that effect on someone!

At about 3:00pm, Auntie S, Uncle G, Rhian, Tom and Minnie arrived here. They’re stopping over for the night cos they’re getting on a plane from Manchester airport to Florida tomorrow morning. It’s nearly a year since I last saw my cousins so it was nice to see them and Auntie S and Uncle G. We went for our tea at The Green Dragon across the road so Tom and Minnie could got in the play area bit.

I got a message from Jake this afternoon saying he’d got out of an 8 hour shift at work so we could go out. I was torn between seeing him or staying with Rhian and co. Rhian’s 14 now so she wanted to go out tonight as well so I asked Jake if he’d mind if Rhian and Abby came out with us too. He said he didn’t so we arranged to go to the cinema at the Trafford Centre.

Sarah phoned me at one point and asked if anything was happening so I told her. It turned out she was working until 8:00pm so I said we could meet her there and that Jake would probably give her a lift home seeing as it’s on the way back.

So, all the arrangements worked well, until Abby decided to invite Connor. I told her while she was asking him that there wasn’t room in the car but she ignored me even though she heard me. I don’t know why she couldn’t have just gone one night without seeing him cos he’s been round here all week! I have to cope without seeing Jake!

She was digging her heels in though, saying we could squash everyone in (which we couldn’t have done!) and I got really frustrated and ended up getting upset… again! I really don’t know what’s wrong with me at the moment but every time I get angry or something I end up in tears! Uncle G ended up giving Abby and Rhian money to get a taxi back. That wouldn’t have been necessary if Connor wasn’t going.

The other reason I didn’t really want Connor to come is that when he and Abby are together, she acts like she’s well hard and they both take the piss (nastily), calling us sad and stuff cos we don’t go out to places like town on a Friday night!

Anyway, it all got sorted in the end cos Abby, Rhian and Connor got a taxi (although Rhian could’ve had a lift). We went to see Drive Me Crazy in the end. It was okay, nice and cheerful! The only problem was that the main lad in the film’s mum had died of cancer and it got mentioned. Jake didn’t react but Sarah and Abby said they felt uncomfortable afterwards.

Jake and I managed to cuddle up to each other in our seats and he rested my hand on his leg so I had to shift my legs so the others couldn’t see. I didn’t actually do anything else though. I really wanted to snog him but it felt weird in front of Abby and Rhian and I didn’t want Rhian feeling like a gooseberry or something!

Rhian told me that she thought Connor was only “alright” and that he scared her but she thought Jake’s very nice.

On the way home, Hayley rang Sarah. She spoke to us both and told us that she wanked the cricketer off in a bus shelter! I just would not phone everyone and tell them straight away! In fact, I’ve never said anything about me and Jake to anyone.

When she’d gone, Jake was letting us know how disgusted he was by what she’d done, saying that it’s a really slutty thing to do and that he’d have no respect for a girl who did something like that so soon after meeting him.

Later on, I got a message off Jake and we somehow ended up having a text conversation about us never being alone. He told me he’d never do stuff in a car down a dark lane but he said he’d “sort something out”. I’m not quite sure what though!

Bye!

I can’t stop thinking about him – 13th August 1999

Friday 13th I’m pissed off. I really don’t want to go home because I’m running out of time with Duncan. I’ve not heard from Kate or anyone today and it’s 7:40 pm already. I really want to see Duncan but I’m not so sure I will because his family came back from Florida today so he’ll probably want to be with them.

There’s a party going on for his dad’s birthday tomorrow night and Rhian, Kate and Amelia are going but I don’t think that Abby and I are going to be invited.

I really don’t reckon that this thing between me and Duncan is going to go any further than it has already [i.e. nowhere]. I’m even beginning to doubt that I’ll see him before I go home because he’s going to be even more embarrassed now his parents are back, isn’t he?

Everyone else seems to think we’re going out with each other but I’m not so sure. I like him so much and I’m dreading having to leave here now. I can’t stop thinking about him and how maybe if we didn’t have to go so soon, maybe something more would develop but the fact there’s only 2 days left, I seriously don’t think there’s much chance of that.

BYE!

[I was going to type up the next diary entry too but I’ve had a quick read and it’s waaaaay to cringey for me to cope with this evening. I’ve been stuck in a traffic jam for 2 hours and I just want a nice, non-cringey cup of tea. Any guesses what happens?  How about multiple choice? Did I…

a) snog Duncan and go into too much detail?
b) wander the streets of Wick, swooning at every scratty lad that crossed my path?
c) chicken out of snogging Duncan and use up 5 pages wallowing about it?

Surprisingly, we didn’t get a bollocking – 12th August 1999

Thursday 12th Rhian, Abby and I went to this Achelone Activities place at Halkirk today to do horse riding and quadbiking. The horse riding was just walking and trotting round fields which was quite good but beforehand they were using us as skivvies by making us brush the horses and stuff. I had one called Jack who was quite big and slow but alright.

By lunchtime, Abby and I decided we didn’t want to do the quadbiking because we’d been told the “the boys” were running it and we’ve seen teenage lads hanging about there before. Also, one of the girls who was working in the stables asked if we were doing the quadbiking in the afternoon and when I said we were, she sort of grinned to herself and stood whispering with a few others before they were all grinning. That made me paranoid and, seeing as I never even wanted to go to that place to start with, I decided I definitely didn’t want to stay.

I told Abby and she’d changed her mind too but the only way we managed to persuade Rhian to fake really bad hayfever (she had it a bit anyway) so we could go home was by bribing her by saying we’d buy her as much food as she wanted for the rest of the day.

We found the bloke who was running it and he let us use the phone. He was stood there while I called so, when nobody answered, I pretended I was talking to someone and pretended to arrange to meet them at the end of the road because I wanted to get out of the place seeing as he kept offering to let us have a quick go.

We got 15 quid back off him and started walking towards Wick with the intention to find a phone box. We’d walked about 7 miles in about 2 and a half hours before we sat down and decided we might as well wait for Mum to drive past. Eventually they did and, surprisingly, we didn’t get a bollocking. They actually found it quite amusing when we collapsed in the car and told them the reason behind us walking from Halkirk to Watten!

This evening, Kate phoned. Rhian was speaking and then she called me over and handed me the phone. I thought it’d be Duncan but it was Kate. She was speaking on behalf of Duncan because he went all shy again. She was saying that he was asking if I was going out tonight. I said I wanted to so we arranged for all of us (Ruth too) to wander round because I said it’d be too awkward if it was just me and Duncan.

So, the 3 of us went round to theirs and we all went for a wander. To start with, he wasn’t saying anything and he kept stopping Kate. I think he was asking her what to say to me. Eventually they got me and Duncan walking together up Meadowbank with Kate who was telling us to just talk. He was saying that his mind had just gone blank so he couldn’t think of anything to say and he nodded in agreement with Kate when she said it was just nerves. She dropped back too so we started by just saying how obvious and immature they were being about leaving us alone.

I ended up telling him the Halkirk to Watten story so it did kind of break the ice. He said he might be going quadbiking tomorrow so hopefully that means he’s not going camping.

Later on, Rhian and the others were all stood in a phone box doing wrong number calls to Greg Thompson’s house (he answered) so I stood outside with Duncan to give him the chance to start up a conversation with me. He didn’t really say much.

Rhian then needed the toilet so she dragged me and Duncan back to where he’s staying. On the way back, she dropped back so we were alone again. We just said about how sad it was getting stalking Greg like that [Yeah, I’d never dream of doing such a thing…] and he mentioned Man Utd beating Sheff Wed 4-0. We met up with the others again and he shut up.

We went back home at about 9:30 pm and they walked half way with us. After we’d split up, Rhian and Abby said Duncan looked like he was about to say something but I walked off. I genuinely didn’t notice.

I really like him even more now because he’s quite funny and we’re on the same wavelength about the Greg and Ashley stalking. I hope I see him again before I go home.

BYE!

I ♥ Duncan even more!!