Crunching ice cubes on my own – 15th July 2000

Saturday 15th My cousins, Auntie S and Uncle G arrived back here from Florida this morning. She must have been jetlagged but my cousin Rhian insisted that she felt alright enough to come to the Trafford Centre with me and Gethin. So the 3 of us went and the other 2 seemed to get on okay. I couldn’t get a word in edgeways! I bought a bag but that was about it cos all we did was wander round. We got the bus back just in time for a Chinese takeaway at my house.

It’s Gethin’s 17th birthday today so he, Floyd and I were all going round to Sarah’s house so we could give him his cards and stuff. Rhian came too in the end. We didn’t do much there either except watch Romeo and Juliet and then a couple of episodes of the Queer As Folk video we bought Gethin.

Gethin told me today that Jake had phoned him last night and told him what he’d found me. Gethin told me it’s a really big pinecone plus some other stuff. I wish he hadn’t told me cos I know Jake didn’t want me to know. Gethin also told me that Jake told him that he would never have been going on the cruise or to Canada if he’d have known what it was like to be split up from me!

Jake actually tried to phone me at about 1:00 am today. I’d been asleep but dreaming about my phone ringing and then I woke up to 2 missed calls! He tried again and I picked it up but nothing happened and then I got an anonymous call which I assume was him too. Before he’d tried to phone, I’d had a message saying, “HELLO! : ) NO YOU HAVEN’T WOKEN ME! I’M NOT PLANNING ON SLEEPING – WE’RE IN THE BAR DROWNING OUR SORROWS!! SAY HELLO TO RHIAN! HOPE THEY HAD A GOOD TIME! LOVE xJx”.

Going from that I assumed he was drunk cos he never rings me at night. I sent him a message asking what he wanted and asking why he was drowning his sorrows and something about Gethin always ending up telling me stuff that he thinks I don’t know. He replied, “BUT GETHIN DOESN’T KNOW STUFF! WE WERE DROWNING OUR SORROWS COS I’M MISSING YOU, ARRAN’S MISSING HIS GIRLF, ROB HAS GONE TO BED AND ALI WAS UNHAPPY – BUT HE JUST PULLED…” and then, “A POLISH GIRL! SO DID YOU GO OUT TONIGHT?? I WAS JUST TALKING TO GETHIN ABOUT HIS JOB AND WHERE I’D BEEN – THAT’S ALL! LOVE xJx”.

I didn’t reply to that last message cos I fell asleep but this morning I sent him one asking if he had tried to phone cos I wasn’t sure if I’d dreamt it or not. He said, “YEH I DID RING! SORRY (AGAIN) REALLY DIDN’T MEAN TO WAKE YOU UP AT THAT TIME! I THINK THE ALCOHOL MADE ME DEPRESSED! FELT SO LONELY! JUST GONNA GO TO BED…” then, “EARLY FROM NOW ON! JUST CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU THAT’S ALL! : ) HAVE YOU GOT MY POSTCARD YET?? LOVE xxxx J xxxx”.

That made me feel sorry for him when he said he felt lonely! I haven’t had another postcard yet.

Later on at the Trafford Centre I sent him a message from Starbucks saying it wasn’t the same crunching ice cubes on my own! He said, “NO IT CAN’T BE THE SAME! : ( DID YOU GET ALL MY MSGS?? OR DID I BLOCK YOUR SIM? WE’RE IN THE CENTRE OF THE OLD TOWN IN PRAGUE LISTENING TO THE JAZZ FESTIVAL!” He also told me that he thinks it’s beautiful there. He probably doesn’t mean it but he doesn’t half rub it in!

I then told him that there are too many things in the Trafford Centre that remind me of him and he said, “WELL THERE’S NOT MUCH TO REMIND ME OF YOU HERE! OHH – THAT’S UNTIL I SAT DOWN FOR SOMETHING TO EAT NEXT TO SHOP CALLED TESSA!!! UNBELIEVABLE! LOVE YOU!!! : ) xxx”.

When I was at Sarah’s this evening we got back onto the subject of him ringing last night. Jake said, “JUST FELT SOOO LONELY AND TOO FAR AWAY – STILL DO! WANT HUGS/CUDDLES/KISSES NOW! UURRGHH! : ( GOTTA GET A TRAIN! LOVE YOU TOO!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx”. Then later he said, “JUST WANTED TO SPEAK TO YOU COS I MISS YOU! I’LL RING YOU WHEN I’M IN RADSTADT ON MONDAY! : ) REALLY REALLY LOVE YOU!!! x”.

When I got home I told him we’d been watching Romeo and Juliet and he said, “AHH I LOVE THAT FILM! WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO GO TO SARAH’S WITHOUT YOU – IT WOULDN’T BE THE SAME SAT ON “OUR SOFA” ON MY OWN! TRY AND ENJOY THE FILM! I’M THINKING OF YOU x”.

I then told him about Sarah handing me a book of her mum’s on cruises and he said, “WELL THAT’S NASTY! THEY’RE NOT BEING V. NICE TO YOU AT THE MOMENT ARE THEY?! SO DID YOU WATCH ALL OF THE FILM? WHEN ARE YOUR COUSINS GOING BACK AGAIN? – YOU DID SAY! x”

I told him we only watched it until it got nasty and that it was making me feel more miserable anyway. Jake said, “UUUUURRRRRGGGGHHHHH! MISS YOU SOOO MUCH – I’M MISERABLE TOO! WE’RE A RIGHT PAIR AREN’T WE! IT’S GOING REALLY QUICK NOW – NOT LONG LEFT! GLAD I FEEL LIKE THIS ABOUT YOU! x”.

I told him that it seems to be going really slowly to me and he said, “WELL IT’S NOT THAT FAR OFF EITHER WAY! WANT U IN THAT TENT TOO! : ) CAN’T WAIT! SPOSE WE CAN’T HAVE THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS! IF WE LOVE EACH OTHER WE’LL HAVE TO…” and then, “PUT UP WITH MISSING EACH OTHER LIKE THIS! MUCH RATHER IT WAS THIS WAY ROUND! : ) NIGHT NIGHT! LOVE YOU! xxx JAKE xxx”.

He’s right again!

Bye!

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She wanked the cricketer off in a bus shelter – 24th June 2000

Saturday 24th This morning I got a message of Jake saying, “ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT NOW IS YOU LYING ON THAT SOFA WITH YOUR FLEECE ON! : ) SOOOOO CUTE!!! UH! NOW YOU’VE DONE IT – I CAN’T CONCENTRATE ON ANYTHING ELSE : ) LOVE xJx”. It’s sort of nice to hear that you have that effect on someone!

At about 3:00pm, Auntie S, Uncle G, Rhian, Tom and Minnie arrived here. They’re stopping over for the night cos they’re getting on a plane from Manchester airport to Florida tomorrow morning. It’s nearly a year since I last saw my cousins so it was nice to see them and Auntie S and Uncle G. We went for our tea at The Green Dragon across the road so Tom and Minnie could got in the play area bit.

I got a message from Jake this afternoon saying he’d got out of an 8 hour shift at work so we could go out. I was torn between seeing him or staying with Rhian and co. Rhian’s 14 now so she wanted to go out tonight as well so I asked Jake if he’d mind if Rhian and Abby came out with us too. He said he didn’t so we arranged to go to the cinema at the Trafford Centre.

Sarah phoned me at one point and asked if anything was happening so I told her. It turned out she was working until 8:00pm so I said we could meet her there and that Jake would probably give her a lift home seeing as it’s on the way back.

So, all the arrangements worked well, until Abby decided to invite Connor. I told her while she was asking him that there wasn’t room in the car but she ignored me even though she heard me. I don’t know why she couldn’t have just gone one night without seeing him cos he’s been round here all week! I have to cope without seeing Jake!

She was digging her heels in though, saying we could squash everyone in (which we couldn’t have done!) and I got really frustrated and ended up getting upset… again! I really don’t know what’s wrong with me at the moment but every time I get angry or something I end up in tears! Uncle G ended up giving Abby and Rhian money to get a taxi back. That wouldn’t have been necessary if Connor wasn’t going.

The other reason I didn’t really want Connor to come is that when he and Abby are together, she acts like she’s well hard and they both take the piss (nastily), calling us sad and stuff cos we don’t go out to places like town on a Friday night!

Anyway, it all got sorted in the end cos Abby, Rhian and Connor got a taxi (although Rhian could’ve had a lift). We went to see Drive Me Crazy in the end. It was okay, nice and cheerful! The only problem was that the main lad in the film’s mum had died of cancer and it got mentioned. Jake didn’t react but Sarah and Abby said they felt uncomfortable afterwards.

Jake and I managed to cuddle up to each other in our seats and he rested my hand on his leg so I had to shift my legs so the others couldn’t see. I didn’t actually do anything else though. I really wanted to snog him but it felt weird in front of Abby and Rhian and I didn’t want Rhian feeling like a gooseberry or something!

Rhian told me that she thought Connor was only “alright” and that he scared her but she thought Jake’s very nice.

On the way home, Hayley rang Sarah. She spoke to us both and told us that she wanked the cricketer off in a bus shelter! I just would not phone everyone and tell them straight away! In fact, I’ve never said anything about me and Jake to anyone.

When she’d gone, Jake was letting us know how disgusted he was by what she’d done, saying that it’s a really slutty thing to do and that he’d have no respect for a girl who did something like that so soon after meeting him.

Later on, I got a message off Jake and we somehow ended up having a text conversation about us never being alone. He told me he’d never do stuff in a car down a dark lane but he said he’d “sort something out”. I’m not quite sure what though!

Bye!

I can’t stop thinking about him – 13th August 1999

Friday 13th I’m pissed off. I really don’t want to go home because I’m running out of time with Duncan. I’ve not heard from Kate or anyone today and it’s 7:40 pm already. I really want to see Duncan but I’m not so sure I will because his family came back from Florida today so he’ll probably want to be with them.

There’s a party going on for his dad’s birthday tomorrow night and Rhian, Kate and Amelia are going but I don’t think that Abby and I are going to be invited.

I really don’t reckon that this thing between me and Duncan is going to go any further than it has already [i.e. nowhere]. I’m even beginning to doubt that I’ll see him before I go home because he’s going to be even more embarrassed now his parents are back, isn’t he?

Everyone else seems to think we’re going out with each other but I’m not so sure. I like him so much and I’m dreading having to leave here now. I can’t stop thinking about him and how maybe if we didn’t have to go so soon, maybe something more would develop but the fact there’s only 2 days left, I seriously don’t think there’s much chance of that.

BYE!

[I was going to type up the next diary entry too but I’ve had a quick read and it’s waaaaay to cringey for me to cope with this evening. I’ve been stuck in a traffic jam for 2 hours and I just want a nice, non-cringey cup of tea. Any guesses what happens?  How about multiple choice? Did I…

a) snog Duncan and go into too much detail?
b) wander the streets of Wick, swooning at every scratty lad that crossed my path?
c) chicken out of snogging Duncan and use up 5 pages wallowing about it?

Surprisingly, we didn’t get a bollocking – 12th August 1999

Thursday 12th Rhian, Abby and I went to this Achelone Activities place at Halkirk today to do horse riding and quadbiking. The horse riding was just walking and trotting round fields which was quite good but beforehand they were using us as skivvies by making us brush the horses and stuff. I had one called Jack who was quite big and slow but alright.

By lunchtime, Abby and I decided we didn’t want to do the quadbiking because we’d been told the “the boys” were running it and we’ve seen teenage lads hanging about there before. Also, one of the girls who was working in the stables asked if we were doing the quadbiking in the afternoon and when I said we were, she sort of grinned to herself and stood whispering with a few others before they were all grinning. That made me paranoid and, seeing as I never even wanted to go to that place to start with, I decided I definitely didn’t want to stay.

I told Abby and she’d changed her mind too but the only way we managed to persuade Rhian to fake really bad hayfever (she had it a bit anyway) so we could go home was by bribing her by saying we’d buy her as much food as she wanted for the rest of the day.

We found the bloke who was running it and he let us use the phone. He was stood there while I called so, when nobody answered, I pretended I was talking to someone and pretended to arrange to meet them at the end of the road because I wanted to get out of the place seeing as he kept offering to let us have a quick go.

We got 15 quid back off him and started walking towards Wick with the intention to find a phone box. We’d walked about 7 miles in about 2 and a half hours before we sat down and decided we might as well wait for Mum to drive past. Eventually they did and, surprisingly, we didn’t get a bollocking. They actually found it quite amusing when we collapsed in the car and told them the reason behind us walking from Halkirk to Watten!

This evening, Kate phoned. Rhian was speaking and then she called me over and handed me the phone. I thought it’d be Duncan but it was Kate. She was speaking on behalf of Duncan because he went all shy again. She was saying that he was asking if I was going out tonight. I said I wanted to so we arranged for all of us (Ruth too) to wander round because I said it’d be too awkward if it was just me and Duncan.

So, the 3 of us went round to theirs and we all went for a wander. To start with, he wasn’t saying anything and he kept stopping Kate. I think he was asking her what to say to me. Eventually they got me and Duncan walking together up Meadowbank with Kate who was telling us to just talk. He was saying that his mind had just gone blank so he couldn’t think of anything to say and he nodded in agreement with Kate when she said it was just nerves. She dropped back too so we started by just saying how obvious and immature they were being about leaving us alone.

I ended up telling him the Halkirk to Watten story so it did kind of break the ice. He said he might be going quadbiking tomorrow so hopefully that means he’s not going camping.

Later on, Rhian and the others were all stood in a phone box doing wrong number calls to Greg Thompson’s house (he answered) so I stood outside with Duncan to give him the chance to start up a conversation with me. He didn’t really say much.

Rhian then needed the toilet so she dragged me and Duncan back to where he’s staying. On the way back, she dropped back so we were alone again. We just said about how sad it was getting stalking Greg like that [Yeah, I’d never dream of doing such a thing…] and he mentioned Man Utd beating Sheff Wed 4-0. We met up with the others again and he shut up.

We went back home at about 9:30 pm and they walked half way with us. After we’d split up, Rhian and Abby said Duncan looked like he was about to say something but I walked off. I genuinely didn’t notice.

I really like him even more now because he’s quite funny and we’re on the same wavelength about the Greg and Ashley stalking. I hope I see him again before I go home.

BYE!

I ♥ Duncan even more!!

I could feel my face getting redder and hotter – 11th August 1999

Last night was good but nothing happened between me and Duncan. He’s way too shy to make the first move and he told Kate that too. We got in from our wanderings at about 10:30 pm and he was sat watching videos. We sat down in the same room but he didn’t really say anything directly to me. Amelia was making the situation even more embarrassing though by keeping telling him to talk to me and saying about how I’d be related to her somehow if I became Mrs Morgan.

We ended up going into our room and talking in there. Duncan is staying in the room in the roof and the staircase to get up there was in the room we were in so he had to walk through to go to bed. He could probably hear every word we were saying and he was probably listening because this morning when he got up to do his paper round at 8:00 am, he was moaning that he’d only got 4 hours sleep. We woke up properly at 10:00 am, ready to watch the total eclipse on the TV. It was cloudy here.

Last night on our walk round, we were sat outside the Hobgoblin shop and these lads came up and started talking to us. The 3 main ones were Chris, Mike and Alex. I think they all fancy Kate but she’s got a boyfriend. Today when we went down the street, we saw those 3 again and they were hanging about. Duncan completely ignored me when he had a break from the café so I’m beginning to give up on him. Anyway, they asked to meet us again tonight down by the riverside at 8:00 or something.

So, at 7:00 pm, Abby, Rhian and I went to collect Kate. I’d just walked in the door and Kate said she had good news for me. You see, earlier on she said she’d tell Duncan I was getting fed up with nothing happening. She said that and added also that there were other lads who might be interested. Anyway, she told me that just before I’d arrived, Duncan had dragged her into the kitchen and told her that he really was interested in me.

I went upstairs and the other girls followed me and one of them shouted up to Duncan. Abby told me afterwards that he looked really nervous and he stopped and shut his eyes and breathed out before coming in the room I was in. Everyone else cleared out when someone asked if he wanted them to go and he said yes.

There was just us in the room and I was shaking, my heart sped right up and I could feel my face getting redder and hotter. He walked further in and stood on the stairs going up to his room. Then he started asking me where I was going. (I love his accent. It’s so, well, Scottish!) I then told him that I was just going to the phone box to start with because Abby and Rhian wanted to phone that Mike lad (a.k.a. Chin because of, well, his chin!).

I told Duncan that I didn’t really want to go out with those lads. That was a bit of a lie but I didn’t want Duncan to get jealous because there was no reason to. I like him more than anyone else. Then Duncan asked me if I wanted to go out somewhere with him tonight. I did want to but Abby and Rhian had been planning to ask Greg Thompson and Ashley Ewart to go with [snog] them so I wanted to see that [?!] and I did kind of want to meet up with Mike and co.

I told Duncan that I’d promised I’d go with them tonight but that I could come back later and we could go out then. He said that I couldn’t really do that because he was going home for some reason but that I could go there with him. We agreed to meet up down the street later because we’d both be there.

The subject then got changed onto football when he said something like, “Your team’s playing Sheffield Wednesday or something tonight, aren’t they?” I said yeah and he asked if I was watching it. I said I wasn’t. I think at that point, Rhian came in and got the hairbrush I’d been looking for and Duncan and I said we’d see each other later, he went upstairs and the girls piled in wanting details.

Ruth (Kate’s friend), Rhian, Abby, Kate and I went down to the town and sat outside Boots. Pretty soon after, Duncan turned up on his bike ad stopped right by us for ages. He was on his way to his house and I think he wanted me to go right then but I wanted to see the other lads. Only after he’d set off, looking disappointed, was I told that the others weren’t actually going to speak to Greg and Ashley so I immediately wished I’d gone with Duncan.

I also began to feel extremely guilty because I know he’s really shy so it must have been so hard for him to say what he said earlier and ask me out. I decided that I would catch him on his way back to his auntie’s house but the night from there didn’t quite work out the way I wanted it to.

There were 3 girls in the street called Melanie, Leanne and Frances. They’d been yelling things at us which we couldn’t quite make out and eventually they caught up with us on the bridge. They started asking why we’d been giving them dirty looks. We hadn’t but every time we tried to answer them they told us not to give them back-talk but if we didn’t answer they started getting annoyed and threatened to thump us.

They decided that it was only Kate and Abby who were giving them so-called dirty looks and they left the rest of us alone mostly. They were there for about half an hour before they decided they wanted a fag. Good job they were smokers. We really thought they were going to slap Kate before they left but they didn’t.

We also narrowly escaped a confrontation with this Gill who’s a really hard bitch of a girl who has also apparently been getting dirty looks off us. Luckily she got into a car just before she reached us.

Afterwards, we got out of the way and made our way to Ruth’s house. On the way, we saw Colin Dunn (Dunny) and a few others and he shined a laser pen on me and said, “I’m just checking out Duncan’s bird!” What’s Duncan been saying and who to??!!

We eventually ended up back at Kate’s but we went to the phone with Duncan to phone Mike. We arranged to meet them at some park so, unfortunately, Duncan went home. Only 2 turned up – Mike and Chris. We didn’t stay long and got a lift home afterwards.

BYE!

I ♥ Duncan

She is/was a pornstar! – 10th August 1999

Tuesday 10th Kate’s invited the 3 of us to a sleepover tonight so I’ll fill you in on today now and tonight another day.

This morning I was looking through the Daily Express newspaper and I came to the special eclipse horoscopes. It’s only the 2nd part of them though. I think I missed one yesterday. It’s the 1st section of this one that I thought was weird because it could link to Duncan.

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Anyway, this afternoon we went to the town and met up with Kate, Amelia and Jennifer. Just after we’d met, someone suggested we went in the café and Amelia started looking up at me and grinning. Then she told me it was because Duncan really liked me. I couldn’t believe it and I still can’t.

As the afternoon went on, I found out that they’d found out because he’d been saying that he fancied one of us so Amelia was going through our names. He said no to Abby and Rhian but went quiet and nodded when she said me.

Apparently he’s supposed to be going on some camp on Friday but he might not because he doesn’t really want to. Kate said it’s probably because we’re here.

Amelia also told me that he mentioned he saw us at the trampolines and he sounded dead pleased when he got told we were staying over tonight. It’s going to be really awkward later on because he knows I know he likes me and I know he knows that I like him!

Amelia kept running into the café and winding him up and she said he went really red and embarrassed. I’m not surprised!

Also today, we saw Ashley Ewart and his mates and they kept whistling and said “hi” too. Duncan then Kate and Amelia’s dad told us what Ashley’s mum does (or did) for a living. Apparently she is/was a pornstar! I bet his mates like that!!

BYE!

“Will any of yous get off with Gary?” – 8th & 9th August 1999

Sunday 8th I’ve had to have a change of colour. I can’t find the blue pen under the heaps of stuff in Rhian’s room!

We went to Thurso’s Viking Bowl place this afternoon with Amelia, Kate, some girl called Jennifer and Duncan. He was being quiet today (probably because he wasn’t drinking alcohol!) and was usually stood with the adults who came or over at the juke box putting on dance music.

He did follow me over to it a couple of times and was being a proper gentleman by letting me have the green bowling ball when I needed it too and by offering to buy me a drink from the venders. I didn’t let him buy me one but Tom got one off him which he didn’t want so I ended up drinking it instead. I kept the ringpull! →

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I got a few glances off him but he didn’t really do anything that suggested he like me. I don’t think he does.

I remembered this morning that when Duncan was pretending to be asleep he was actually watching me and when he was holding the torch in the talent show, he kept looking at me from the dark corner he was in. I could’ve been mistaken I suppose. I don’t think anything would develop anyway because he seems a bit shy.

Afterwards, the others (not me, Auntie S, Tom or Minnie) went to Safeway. Duncan got a lift to the bowling with us but went back with someone else. I know he knows my name at least because someone rang his mobile and he said who he was in the car with on the way there.

Okay, I’ve found the blue pen in my bag which I’d left in the car.

This evening, Rhian, Abby and I met up with Kate down the town and we went for one of our nightly wanders in search of Greg Thompson. We found him with his friends, stood on their usual corner. Abby’s decided she fancies one of his mates called Ashley Ewart but I can’t see the attraction myself. They waved at us when they got in the car.

We also saw Ben McFarlane who was in a car with 2 other lads (I think it was a red Peugeot) and he waved too. That was about it really.

BYE!

Monday 9th Rhian, Abby and I took Tom swimming this afternoon. Rhian didn’t like that idea but it was tough because I felt mean seeing as we’ve been going down the town with Rhian nearly every night.

Ben wasn’t working at the pool, in fact I‘ve not seem him at all today. We walked past his house tonight and Rhian told me the window of his room was the one at the left of the front door but we didn’t see him.

Down the town tonight we did see Greg and Ashley, and Ashley was riding round on a little BMX-type bike and he was saying, “Will any of yous get off with Gary?” – Gary being this little lad who only looked about 11! None of us did!

Oh yeah, I did see Duncan twice today. Once was in his café when I walked past and the other time was when Abby and I took Tom and Minnie to the trampolines and he shouted, “Hi Tom!” and looked at me before he carried on walking.

I really like him. Nowt’ll happen though. It hardly ever does with me.

BYE!