People aren’t sweet and innocent forever – 2nd & 3rd May 2000

Tuesday 2nd Back to college. The new lad, Reed, (from South Africa) arrived. He’s very fit but seems to be hanging round in the pool room.

Got messages last night again. We got onto the subject of prostitutes or something and I said that I thought he was sweet and innocent. Jake then told me that he’d have to get rid of that image and had a few ideas how to do that. I told him I didn’t believe him and he said, “OH! SO I HAVEN’T GOT ANY?! I’LL JUST HAVE TO DRIVE DOWN SOME QUIET COUNTRY LANES WITH YOU!… OR I COULD WAIT TIL GETHIN’S PARTY!… OR I COULD COME + GET YOU NOW! xJx”.

I then said that people aren’t sweet and innocent forever, unless they’re unlucky. I think he thought I meant he’d never get anywhere with me because he put, “HANG ON!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN UNLUCKY?? AM I HEADING DOWN A DEAD END OR GOING AFTER A LOST CAUSE OR SOMETHING? COS I THINK I’M VERY LUCKY TO HAVE YOU!! xxxxx : ) xxxxx”. Good!

Bye!

Wednesday 3rd Didn’t have any interesting messages last night. There was one saying he was with Venture Scouts (sad!!) and they all think it’s sweet that we send messages all the time but that was about it.

While I’ve been at kickboxing (even though I was sick this afternoon due to bad period pains), Jake was at Floyd’s. I thought he said he wasn’t going. I’d have skipped training if I’d known he was cos I’m still not feeling too great.

Bye!

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I was being extremely paranoid!! – 1st May 2000

Monday 1st It was Community Day in the next village today, held on the village green. Swing Band had to play. It was sooo embarrassing! We had to wear out yellow t-shirts and Jake, Gethin, Hayley and Floyd were watching!

Millennium Dome '00 Tess

My mum and dad were there too for a while so I was a bit worried whenever Jake wandered near them because they know Hayley and could’ve used it as an excuse to go over and check him out! I was being extremely paranoid!!

When we’d done Swing Band and got changed, we went for a walk round the new housing estate cos Hayley wanted to see if she could see that bloke again. We didn’t. Jake held my hand all the way round and whenever we let go, he tried to hold it again.

After our walk, we got hungry so we piled into Jake’s car and went to McDonald’s. While we were eating our McTriples with cheese, Hayley said something about wanting to go and see Andy in Lymm so Jake said he’d take us. He said he really didn’t mind. We dropped Floyd (and this lad called Robert who’d joined us) off in their village and went to Lymm. We drove past Andy’s house 4 times but we don’t think he was in.

When we’d done that, we had nothing to do so Jake took us to Knutsford to see Hugo’s house. It wasn’t as big as people had made it out to be but there’s a house that looks like a bloody castle a few doors down!

We just had to sit and watch Hugo’s DVD things. He was being alright but it’s so unfair cos he’s got so much cool stuff that we could never afford!

He put Lenny Kravitz’s American Woman video on and, as he did it, he said, “Jake likes this one, don’t you?!” very loudly. It was just full of women with not much on so, as you can imagine, I didn’t need to hear what Hugo had said! Meanwhile, Jake had gone the same colour as his shirt – pink!!

Bye!

P.S. I got a couple of nice messages off Jake last night. I told him that I didn’t want to go back to college and that I’m in need of an all night party with him and preferably a bed (meaning that perfectly innocently, of course!). His reaction was, “MMMN! DON’T TEASE ME WITH THOUGHTS LIKE THAT BUT YES I’M IN NEED TOO! : ) I WANT TO GO BACK! I’M GONNA BE SO BORED WHEN I LEAVE – AND I WON’T SEE YOU EVERY DAY! : ( x”.

I pointed out that we’d coped (just about!) this holiday and he said, “I SUPPOSE! I’M NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO CONCENTRATE ON REVISING IF I DON’T SEE YOU!! I’LL PROBABLY FAIL! I’VE NEVER THOUGHT SO MUCH ABOUT SOMETHING BEFORE! : ) xxxxx”.

I assume he means me, not failing his exams! I wonder what he does think about though. Maybe I’m better off not knowing!

Not sure what I think of that! – 29th & 30th April 2000

Saturday 29th The doctor said it’s a bladder infection. He’s put me on some antibiotics. I don’t think it’s anything too serious.

Fight Night at the George H. Carnell Sports Centre in Urmston was top!! Debbie F (who is a fellow kickboxer) drove me, Evie and Abby there. Our instructor, Dave, was a judge and our other instructor, Rob, won his fight. I want to go to another one!

Abby was a bit gutted cos the lad she fancies at the moment, Chris T, was following Rob round all night. We think he’s in love with him!!

Bye!

Sunday 30th I brought up the subject of Hugo Pratt phoning us on Friday and asked if he’d said anything to Jake. The text messages went on for a while, not really saying much, and then at exactly 2:00am, I received one saying, “OK!! WELL I’D BETTER SAY NIGHT NIGHT THEN! YOU KNOW I WOULD SLEEP WITH YOU! JUST WHEN THE RIGHT TIME COMES – NOT IN THE BACK OF A CAR!! LOVE YOU! xJx : )”.

Not sure what I think of that! It was so unexpected. I have to say I was quite pleased about it though!

I had nice messages (3 in a row) off Gethin tonight. They said, “HIYA, HOW’S LIFE? ENJOY THE OTHER NITE? ANYTHING YOU NEED OR WANT TO TELL ME? WHAT HAPPENED AFTER I LEFT? IT WAS TOP. HOW’S YOUR LOVER?…” and then, “…I NEVER REALLY GOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE OTHER NITE. THANX TESS. U MIGHT NOT THINK THAT YOU DID MUCH BUT I’VE JUST REALISED THAT YOU…” and then, “REALLY ARE A TOP MATE TESS, I MEAN IT. YOU ARE SOMEONE I KNOW I CAN TRUST… NO I’M NOT PISSED. THANX CHUCK! GETHIN xxx”.

That really cheered me up!

Bye!

Cuddly and huggable – 28th April 2000

Friday 28th I had some more nice messages in the night off Jake. He sent me one saying he can’t sleep when he’s with me so I told him that there are plenty of other things to do instead of sleeping! He then said, “WELL, IF YOU PUT IT LIKE THAT THEN YOU’RE RIGHT! BUT YOU’RE SO CUTE WHEN YOU’RE ASLEEP! : ) CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU! LOVE YOU LOTS N LOTS N LOTS TOO xxxxx : ) xxxxx”.

I told him that I couldn’t stop smiling after getting that message and then put something soppy like, “I can’t fit how much I love you into this message!” His reaction was, “NOW I CAN’T STOP SMILING! : ) THAT WAS REALLY SWEET!! YEH YOU DID SLEEP AT CLAIRE’S BUT ONLY FOR ABOUT 10 MINS! YOU’RE SO CUDDLY AND HUGGABLE : ) I’M SO LUCKY!!! LOVE YOU xxxxx”. I could’ve taken offence to being called cuddly and huggable but instead, it just made me cringe!

I then told him that I hadn’t bought Sarah a birthday present yet and I got, “YOU HAVEN’T GOT HER A PRESENT YET? OOOHH IF ONLY SHE KNOW! NIGHT NIGHT! SWEET DREAMS! LOVE YOU!!! xxxxx : ) xxxxx”.

With it being Sarah’s birthday today, her parents took me, Hayley, Floyd and Gethin out to the Chinese near school this evening. It was really nice actually, although I ate way too much! Afterwards, they dropped us off at The Dog with Jake. I think he was a bit pissed already because he’d be in The Plough with a few of his mates.

It was actually okay in The Dog with a big group of us. Jake let me paint his nails (he must have been drunk!) with nail varnish I found in my bag and he told me he loves me again but only cos I said I didn’t mind of he wanted Gethin!!

Sarah got what she wanted off Gethin for her birthday – plenty of snogs!

Floyd’s dad dropped us all in his village afterwards and we just stood outside the vets. Hugo Pratt phoned and I was talking to him for ages which pissed Jake off a bit! Hayley’d spoken to Hugo earlier and she told me that he said Jake had been going on to him about how much he wanted to sleep with me. I’m going to ignore that cos Hugo has the tendency to lie about stuff. He wants me to set him up with my sister and he told me I was nice to talk to as well!

Hayley and Sarah went back to Hayley’s to wait for the taxi and Jake and I went round the side of the vets to try and shelter from the rain. We just kissed for ages. He had dead cold hands and kept putting them on my back so I did the same to him! When I started shivering, we decided to go to Hayley’s. We’d been asked round to Emma’s and he was trying to persuade me to go but Sarah’s staying over at mine.

I got quite upset when I was at Hayley’s. I’d been going to the toilet loads all day and when I went at Hayley’s, there was loads of blood in it. When I went downstairs, I tried not to keep crying but Jake noticed there was something wrong and kept asking if I was okay. I told him I was fine and he just hugged me.

When I got home, I went to the toilet again and there was even more blood and it still hurt so I told Mum. She thinks I’ve got cystitis. I looked in the medical A-Z and I’ve got all the symptoms. Got to go to the doctor in the morning.

Bye!

I must be like addicted to him or something! – 27th April 2000

Thursday 27th I had some nice messages off Jake between 12 midnight and 2:00 am in the night. I sent the 1st one saying that I couldn’t sleep due to my sister being in my room because she could hear a cow from her room. He sent one back saying, “OK! WHY IS THERE A COW OUTSIDE??? I WANT TO SEE YOU NOW!! I REALLY CAN’T WAIT! LOVE YOU LOADS! JAKE xxxxx : ) xxxxx”.

I explained that it was in a field across the river and not on the drive or anything! I also informed him that the party that Denny might have been having isn’t on and so we can’t even share a sofa together! His reply was, “SO WHY IS YOUR SIS IN YOUR ROOM? NO – NOT EVEN A SOFA! WHAT’S THE WORLD COMING TO? I’M GONNA HAVE TO KIDNAP YOU!! LOVE x J x”.

I told him that we could hear the cow from my room and then started moaning about not having seen him for a few days and told him that I’ve decided I must be like addicted to him or something! His next message said, “I KNOW! YOU’RE LIKE A DRUG (BUT AN AWFUL LOT BETTER LOOKING) I WISH WE WERE OLDER + DIDN’T HAVE TO LIVE WITH OUR PARENTS! DOESN’T YOUR SIS MIND YOUR PHONE BEEPING? LOVE J x”.

I told him that I’d silenced my phone and that she was asleep anyway anyway. I told him I knew what he meant about the parent thing and said maybe one day. He replied, “YEH ONE DAY, HOPEFULLY!! DON’T FEEL BAD ABOUT THIS BUT I WON’T BE ABLE TO SLEEP NOW!! – GOT IT! YOU’RE PURE CAFFEINE IN A GIRL – TOTALLY ADDICTIVE AND KEEPS YOU AWAKE x”. I didn’t feel bad, I felt far from it after that message!

I sent him a last one saying goodnight basically (even though I wasn’t going to be able to sleep anyway!) and his last message said, “OK! NIGHT! LOVE YOU FOREVER! JAKE xxxxx : ) xxxxx UUUHH, WANT YOU RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!!!”.

I went to Hayley’s village today to meet up with her, Sarah, Gethin, Floyd and Isaac. We were at Isaac’s most of the time looking at his Sim City computer game thing (or whatever it’s called). We did take a walk around the new housing estate at one point cos Hayley fancies someone who lives there and wanted to see if she could see him. She didn’t but we saw Riley Howarth. He’s one extremely fit lad but in the year below us! I much prefer Jake though!!

Bye!

It is a pretty haunting sound – 26th April 2000

Wednesday 26th Not much to write today really except note down a couple of Jake’s messages, no, 3 actually.

I sent him one this morning explaining why I was trying to make him drink and he sent me one saying he was just getting a bit suspicious about it and he apologised for seeming moody. He explained that he just kept wondering why I kept wandering off and that things aren’t too great at the moment cos of his mum.

I sent him one saying I kept wandering off cos Gethin kept wanting chats and Jake said, “I KNOW – HE KEPT TALKING TO ME, I DIDN’T MEANT TO UPSET YOU! HE ANNOYED ME A BIT COS HE CONCERNS HIMSELF WITH OTHER PEOPLES BUSINESS + YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT HE’S…” then, “SAID TO SOMEONE ELSE! I KNOW THAT YOU NEED TIME ON YOUR OWN WITH FRIENDS BUT I’M CRAZY ABOUT YOU AND WORRY A LOT!! LOVE YOU!! xxxxx”.

I sent him a reply saying that Gethin’d said to me apparently what he’d said to Jake but that I wasn’t sure what it was cos I stopped listening. Jake replied, “HE SAID THAT WE SHOULD COME HALF WAY AND WORK OUT WHAT WE WANT FROM OUR RELATIONSHIP?? I KNOW WHAT I WANT – FOR US TO LOVE EACH OTHER + BE HAPPY! : ) xJx”.

How sweet (but soppy!) is that?!!

Abby’s joined me in my room tonight with the camp bed cos she can hear some cow in the field! It is a pretty haunting sound actually!

Bye!

I had visions of Gethin conga-ing in – 24th & 25th April 2000

Monday 24th – Tuesday 25th I went to Brian’s tonight with Hayley but there was hardly anyone there when we arrived so we left again and went for a walk to the shop to get food and a bottle of Sprite for Floyd. When we got back to Brian’s, everyone had moved in from the garden and up to Brian’s room. It was then I got told that nobody could stop over because Brian had to go to work in the morning. Not only that but we had to be gone by midnight so I wouldn’t be able to see Jake. To say I was pissed off would’ve been a major understatement!

Brian’s was extremely boring so Gethin and Keira Osborne left and went to Claire’s little gathering. A while later, Sarah received a message from Gethin saying she, Hayley, Jake and I were invited and it was on all night so we could stop there if we wanted.

Just before we’d been invited to that, I’d sent Jake a message telling him the bad news about Brian’s and he sent me one back saying, “FUCK!! EXCUSE THE FRENCH! WHAT AM I GOING TO TELL MY PARENTS? – I HAVEN’T GOT MY KEYS EITHER! NEED TO SEE YOU! LOOKS LIKE I’M SLEEPING IN THE CAR AGAIN THEN! LOVE YOU! x” so I thought he’d be pleased to hear that we could go to Claire’s! He was!

We made an excuse that Hayley wasn’t well and Sarah and I were staying over at her house so that Brian wouldn’t get offended at us leaving early. I thought there’d be a lot of people at Claire’s but there was only Gethin, Keira, Maisie Jones, Kyla Hague, Marty Wallace and his boyfriend Adi so it was quite good.

Kyla kept telling me how lucky I was to be going out with Jake and Gethin kept telling me dead seriously how I was a top mate and how it was really good how even though I’ve got a really nice boyfriend, I don’t go on about it all the time. It was really nice to hear that from him.

Sarah was kept happy because Gethin snogged her twice and Hayley was kept happy because Andy wanted to speak to her and did!

Jake arrived at 12:15 am which was quite a bit earlier than I thought he’d be there. He said he was really tired after work and stuff so, while Adi and Gethin were looking up someone having sex with a chicken on the internet, Claire give Jake a bed. I went in to talk to him but didn’t get in bed too even though he wanted me too because I was kind of testing myself to see if I could resist temptation!

It turns out I can’t!

I wasn’t in there long when Gethin wandered in and I was made to go downstairs while he had “a word” with Jake. He then came and got me and shut me in the bathroom with him while he had “a word” with me too. He said he’d said the same thing to Jake but I don’t know what he was saying to me either cos I was annoyed with him for interfering so I forced myself not to listen!

All I took in from what he said was that Jake was confused as to why I’d been trying to make him drink. It was just cos we were pissed and he was sober so I was trying to get him drunk so he wouldn’t notice if we made fools of ourselves! Then Gethin was asking if I’d had sex with Jake yet and then if I wanted to.

I stormed back upstairs cos I was so annoyed with Gethin and asked Jake what he’d said to him. When he wouldn’t tell me, I got up to leave but he grabbed me and pulled me onto the bed and made me feel sorry for him so I ended up staying. That’s where I stayed for the rest of the night except when I went downstairs for hot dogs and when I went to see if Gethin was okay cos he’d had a nasty message off Cat Elliot accusing him of splitting up the group or something. Oh yeah, I also went down to get a drink of water and caught Marty and Adi snogging in the kitchen.

Jake and I stayed in bed while everyone else was downstairs watching Queer As Folk all night. We started off just kissing but then he told me to take my top off but I flatly refused cos I had visions of Gethin conga-ing in with everyone else! We got to 3. We didn’t do much after that cos we kept hearing people coming up the stairs. We either kissed or he lay there just looking at me or talked about stuff. The university and Canada things came up again. He said that if we split up, he wouldn’t be the one to end it.

In the early hours of the morning, we got joined by Claire’s monster, fluffy, ginger cat. It’s so nice! It just lay there when Jake rested his legs on it. Jake didn’t like it at first but was then being really cute with it when he realised how docile it was!

I didn’t want to get out of bed but Mum phoned me to see where I was, tell me the hare had died, and that she and Abby were going shopping. Jake took me home at about 11:00 am.

Bye!