I hope he wasn’t being seriously slimy! – 24th August 2000

Thursday 24th I got this e-mail from Jake today. →

Jake cruise email 4

It’s not very long cos it was just to let me know the new e-mail address he’s using. He said he wasn’t getting my mails to him so he’s trying a new address. I hope this one works.

I spoke to him on the phone today anyway. He was in Corsica on a pink beach with a lizard on his bag or something! It was a more cheerful conversation than the one on Tuesday cos we didn’t get onto the subject of Canada. It came up but we didn’t go into it.

Mum was there when he phoned and she asked me to ask him how the food was. The little creep said, “Nice but not as good as her cooking!” I hope he wasn’t being seriously slimy!

My mum told me today that Jake comes across as being an intelligent sort of lad and that he’s very nicely spoken!

I did send a few texts to Jake today to ask when he’s going to Scotland with his Venture Scouts. He told me that’ll be at the end of September but he’s going again for a few days in October to visit friends and to scatter his mum’s ashes. I can’t help but wonder where they’re being kept now.

I went with Mum up to Grandma S’s again today cos she and Auntie G had met up with Auntie Jean + Uncle Alf + Auntie May at the hotel nearby. Uncle Alf knew Grandad from when they were quite young. Alf’s a few years older than my grandad was and Mum told me that they used to live nearby each other and one day Uncle Alf went round to where Grandad lived and asked, “Can I play with your little boy?” and they were friends ever since.

Uncle Alf wrote a letter to my mum recently asking if he could see a log book which she has of my grandad’s from the war so she took it with her today.

Alf letter page 1 2000

Alf letter page 2 2000

Grandad with bicycle

[Grandad and his bike. I guess he had a photo taken there because of the W Simpson sign in the background!]

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[The log book from when he was an observer/navigator during the Second World War.]

Grandad RAF Egypt

[Grandad (left) and his mate Les during the war. He never wanted to (and never did) get in a plane again once it was over.]

 He and Auntie May were really nice. He kept telling us loads of stories about what he and Grandad got up to and Auntie May was really sweet and smiley! I think Mum thought I was bored but I wasn’t really!

Abby got her GCSE results today. The swotty little cow (yes I am jealous!) got 2 A*s and the rest As. Oh, except a B in either French or English Speaking + Listening but it rounded up to an A. That makes me feel thick!

Robbie Taylor did well too. Jake told me he got 4 As, 3 Bs and 3 Cs. His are the only other ones I know.

Bye!

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She scared us all so much! – 23rd August 2000

Wednesday 23rd We did end up coming home today. I wasn’t sure that we would cos of Grandma but we just left at about 11am rather than 6am so we could see how things were going for her.

We didn’t get chance to say goodbye to Rhian, Tom or Minnie cos by the time we’d woken up, they were already at school. It was awful saying goodbye to Auntie S cos she put on a brave face up until she said goodbye to Dad and then burst into tears. She was very worried about Grandma and Mum and Dad felt really guilty about leaving then.

We called in at the hospital on the way home. I thought I’d be okay and I was until we had to leave. She was much better this morning but seeing her sitting in the chair, all wrapped up in a blanket, made her look really small and old.

I think she got a bit upset at us leaving too and I kissed her on the cheek and had to stand behind Mum and not look at Grandma cos I could feel my eyes filling up. I tried to control it but as soon as I left the room I was in floods of tears. I couldn’t help it. I know it’s awful but I couldn’t stop thinking what if that’s the last time I see her.

Seeing Wick disappear into the distance when going home is always bad enough but this time was far worse. I’m crying even now thinking about Grandma. She scared us all so much!

When we reached Perth today though, Auntie S rang and told us Grandma’s back at home. I’m so glad! They apparently gave her the choice of staying in hospital for longer or going home but getting proper home help which I think she’s refused to have before now. She chose the 2nd option, obviously.

I’m home now too now which means I can get back to doing my coursework (oh joy!) again.

Bye!

Jake cruise email 3

P.S. The e-mail at the top of the page is one I got from Jake today.

 

“Susan? Do you need any help?” – 22nd August 2000

Tuesday 22nd I woke up to a message from Jake this morning which said, “HELLO!!! : ) : ) : ) JUST GOT TO GIBRALTA! IT’S A BIG ROCK! THANKS FOR LEAVING THOSE VOICE MSGS! : ) NOW I CAN LISTEN TO YOUR VOICE WHENEVER I WANT! : ) SENT YOU SOME E-MAILS FOR YOU TO READ SO YOU CAN REPLY IF YOU WANT! : ) MISSING U LIKE CRAZY! CAN’T TEXT YOU AT SEA WHICH IS HORRIBLE! : ( NOT GONNA ASK WHO DUNCAN IS BUT HE BETTER NOT BE INTERESTED! : ) YOU’RE PROBABLY IN BED SO I’LL PHONE YOU LATER! LOVE YOU SOOOOOO MUCH! : ) xJx”.

The bit about the voice messages and Duncan were cos on Saturday when I was a bit pissed, I tried to ring him but got his answer service and then sent him a text meant for Sarah about Duncan! Ooops!!

Anyway, I was still pissed off with him cos of that e-mail so the reply I gave him was very short and said something sarcastic like, “Yeh, it really sounds like you’re missing me” or something! He then said, “I AM MISSING YOU – A LOT! : ( : ( : ( IT’S GOING FASTER THAN LAST TIME BUT NOT FAST ENOUGH! WHEN DID YOU REPLY TO MY MAIL? LOTS OF LOVE! xJx”.

I can’t remember what I said to that but it can’t have been very nice cos he said, “HEY, THIS ISN’T FAIR! YOU’RE MAKING ME FEEL REALLY GUILTY – BUT YOU WON’T MIND THAT! I’M MISSING YOU SOOO MUCH – DON’T KNOW HOW TO EXPRESS THAT ANY MORE! YOU’RE ALWAYS ON MY MIND AND I WANT YOU TO STAY THERE ALL THE TIME! DON’T WANT TO GET YOU OUT OF MY MIND! MOST OF THE CONVERSATIONS I HAVE WITH PEOPLE INVOLVE YOU! EVERYONE IS MISSING THEIR G’FRIENDS/B’FRIENDS AND WE’RE ALL MOANING COS WE CAN’T TEXT! : ( LOVE xJx”.

After I’d calmed down a bit, I texted him again just asking what he was doing. He said, “I WAS JUST LOOKING ROUND THE SHOPS! I’M SORRY IF I’VE WORRIED YOU BY WHAT I WROTE IN THE E-MAILS! JUST COS I TALK TO GIRLS DOESN’T MEAN I’M CHATTING THEM UP OR VICE VERSA! YOU KNOW FULL WELL I’M NOT GONNA DO ANYTHING! NOBODY IS TRYING TO PULL ANYONE ELSE AND WE ALL GET ON WELL! AND I AM THINKING OF YOU x”.

I hadn’t actually mentioned the e-mail once (although I think it was pretty obvious to him that I wasn’t pleased about something) so for him to know that was what I was annoyed about, he must have known it’d worry me or he wouldn’t have guessed. I told him that and he said, “NO BUT THE WAY YOU SAID “YEH SURE THEY ARE” IN YOUR LAST MSG WHEN REFERRING TO EVERYONE MISSING PEOPLE! YOU’RE RIGHT THOUGH – I SHOULDN’T HAVE SAID THAT IN THAT WAY! I DIDN’T MEAN TO TRY AND MAKE YOU JEALOUS – I WANTED TO MAIL YOU BUT I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO TALK ABOUT COS I HADN’T DONE MUCH! I’M SORRY! I’LL PHONE YOU AFTER LUNCH! LOVE xJx”.

He phoned at about 1:30pm I think and we talked for about an hour. I’m not entirely sure what about though! He reassured me that he’s not done anything he shouldn’t and that he’s actually bored most of the time cos he can never find the people he’s made friends with during the day. He told me there at 3 girls he talks too and they’re a couple of years older but live around us so they’re fairly normal and not posh rich people. He says he’s kept one of the voice messages I left so he can hear my voice when he can’t speak to me on the phone.

He rang me back again at about 5:30pm to speak before the shop moved cos it’s at sea again until Thursday. This time it was depressing cos we got on to the Canada subject. He said there’s no way he’d have gone there if he’d met me earlier. That’s sooo annoying!

Anyway, he said he loved me and then had to go cos his signal was going. He also said he wanted a postcard so I went and got him one as well as a present that cost me a whole £9.99 which is a pottery fairy in a jar. It just made me giggle cos it’s really cute so I bought it. He’ll probably laugh at me!

This evening was horrible. Grandma L got ill. We’d noticed that she’d been in her pyjamas all day and also that she’d been breathing differently but because she never complains, plus she’s been like that before, we never thought anything of it. That was until she got diarrhoea and started being sick and complaining of chest pains.

Auntie S, Mum and Dad were really worried and called out the doctor. He came and decided she’d be best in hospital and phoned and ambulance. Mum took Tom and Minnie out to walk the dog but Rhian, Abby and I stayed upstairs so we could hear what was happening cos nobody would tell us, probably to stop us worrying but that just made us worry even more.

Auntie S was rushing round getting some of Grandma’s things together and, even though she was really sick, I still heard Grandma say, “Susan? Do you need any help?” That nearly made me cry but I managed to control it.

But then, just as the paramedics were wheeling her out (which she didn’t put up a fight against like she would’ve done if she was feeling a bit better – I also heard Auntie S say Grandma actually seemed pleased to see the doctor which she’s never been pleased about before which was worrying), Tom and Minnie got back. Tom’s face set me off crying cos he was blinking back the tears and trying to smile when he was so obviously really upset.

Rhian, Abby and I then got out of the house and went to Laura’s for a bit. Kate was there so we got a chance to say goodbye before we go home to England.

When we got back, Dad and Auntie S were ringing round people telling them what had happened. Every time the phone rang, everyone got really worried again, thinking it was the hospital.

I don’t think I’ll be sleeping too well tonight.

Bye!

It sounds so much like he’s missing me….. NOT! – 20th & 21st August 2000

Sunday 20th We didn’t do much today cos Rhian was recovering from last night and Abby and I were tired. We just wandered round the town and then Auntie S forced Rhian to buy Maureen (Laura’s mum) some flowers and take them round and apologise for being sick on her walls and carpet!

Bye!

P.S. Poor Milly the cat died today. 😦

Monday 21st I went online today and this e-mail had come for me. I was so pleased cos I can’t stand not having any contact with Jake!

Jake email 1.jpg

I sent him this one back. →

Reply to Jake email 1

I do realise that I’ve put the bit about Hugo twice!

I can’t find any sellotape or scissors in this house which is why those are stuck in so badly!

Rhian, Abby and I went to find out how much belly button piercing is today but it’s £35-40 and you have to be over 18 or have a parent’s permission which we aren’t and don’t, and Abby told the bloke she’s 16 when he asked so we can’t lie about our age either!

We also went to John o’ Groats for a bit this afternoon. We didn’t stay long but Mollie still got loads of attention from tourists. I suppose it’s cos she’s a Scottie dog in Scotland!

Bye!

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P.S. Just been back online and I got the e-mail that’s stuck on the next page off Jake. I am not impressed by that e-mail. And it sounds so much like he’s missing me….. NOT!

He sounds like he’s trying to make me jealous/worried or something. I’ve underlined the bits that give me that impression.

Jake email 2

He’s not reacted to anything I said in my last mail either or asked about me once. Charming! I bet he’s not told “all these girls” he’s got a girlfriend either!

Okay, maybe I’m being a bit over the top but this is my immediate reaction. I might have calmed down by the time he rings me in the morning or whenever, that’s if he’s not busy talking to all these new “friends” he’s made!

I have 3 choices of reaction to him tomorrow:-

  1. Act totally normal and pretend I don’t care.
  2. Try and make him jealous by going on about what a good time I’m having and exaggerate on anything that’s happened involving lads e.g. if I said hi to someone then I tell him I had a deep and meaningful heart to heart or something. And also tell him how many nights out I’ve got planned when I go home e.g. Hayley’s asking me to go to Mr Smith’s (which is true, by the way!) cos she’s got 8 free tickets for her birthday.
  3. Sulk.

I’ll decide which one when he actually rings after I’ve seen what he’s like.

Bye!

I’m going to miss him sooo much….. again! – 17th & 18th August 2000

Thursday 17th I got my module A-level results today. In Biology, I got a C in Processes of Life and an E in Physiology (I’ll be resitting that one!) but I got and A and a B in Geography.

Jake got a C in General Studies, a D in Geography and Es in Design Technology and Physics. He only got 12 points but needed 14 for Huddersfield. Mr H rang up and they still accepted him.

After I’d been to the dentist and hairdresser, Jake came round to say goodbye before his cruise tomorrow. We took Mollie for a walk and then lay on my bed and talked. 3 happened.

He took some photos that I had of me with him which I don’t like but he insisted, along with my heart necklace thing. We said goodbye which was really sad and then his taxi came. He waved as he was being driven away cos he saw me stood at the spare room window. I’m going to miss him sooo much….. again!

Bye!

Friday 18th I can’t actually see what I’m doing all that well cos Rhian’s just turned the light right down! I’m in Wick now, by the way. We set off at about 6:30am and got here at about 5:30pm. I slept for quite a while in the car so it seemed to go quite quickly.

I had a nice message off Jake on my way up. It said, “: ) OK! I’LL TAKE YOUR NECKLACE! I REALLY DON’T MIND YOU SAYING THAT YOU LOVE ME ALL THE TIME! : ) I LOVE YOU SOOOOO MUCH TOO – THAT’S WHY I’M GONNA MISS YOU SO MUCH BUT I CAN’T HELP FEELING HAPPY – EVEN NOW COS YOU’RE ON MY MIND PERMANENTLY AND WHENEVER I GET UPSET COS I’M MISSING YOU I JUST THINK OF YOU GIGGLING : ) THAT MAKES ME SMILE AND CHEERS ME UP A BIT! 2 WEEKS SEEMS SUCH A LONG TIME – AND IT IS! BUT I THINK THAT WE ARE VERY CLOSE IN EACH OTHER’S HEARTS SO DESPITE HOW FAR APART WE ARE YOU’RE WITH ME ALL THE TIME! REALLY REALLY REALLY GOING TO MISS YOU! : ( I LOVE YOU! : ) xxx JAKE xxx”.

When we arrived in Wick, we had some food, went round to call for Rhian’s mate, Laura Morgan, and then went round to someone’s house where their mate, Tamara Fagan, was babysitting. It was a bit boring so we came home again.

Bye!

Putting ice on various parts of each other’s bodies – 15th August 2000

Tuesday 15th Jake came round to mine today and persuaded me to go to the Trafford Centre tonight. The people who went were me, Jake (obviously!), Hugo (twat!), Gethin, Robbie, Clara and Sandra.

We started off in the Rainforest Café where I ate half a raw burger cos I couldn’t see cos of the fake thunderstorms and stuff so I complained and we got it free. I then panicked I’d get food poisoning and rang Mum to ask if that was possible. She said it was and that she’ll be livid if I’m ill for going to Scotland on Friday and that it’s my own fault for not eating something sensible in the first place! Charming!

Then we went to the cinema. We saw Diane Oxbury with TV cameras there from the North West Tonight news. We avoided them!

We saw Gone in 60 Seconds (again!), although Jake and I were messing about putting ice on various parts of each other’s bodies!

In the taxi on the way home there was just me, Jake and Gethin in one. Gethin said Hugo had been slagging us off and Jake got pissed off and ended up telling me that Hugo had once said Jake could do better than me (that really hurts my feelings!) and that he should pull loads of girls on the cruise. He promises he won’t and doesn’t want to anyway. Hugo also reckons we’re not suited and won’t last long. Bastard!

In texts later, Jake told me that Hugo had once asked him, “Where do you put it?” when they were talking about ‘stuff’! I’m considering posting Hugo a book on growing up or something, like you buy kids when you don’t want to tell them yourself where babies come from!

Bye!

P.S. Gethin starts work at The Green Dragon on Sunday but I’ve not heard from them. 😦 I don’t think they want me!

Jake locked himself in the bathroom with the phone! – 14th August 2000

Monday 14th Gethin and I went round to Jake’s today and it turned out to be a horrible day cos Jake and I fell out.

It started when we all went for a walk and then Jake mentioned that he’s going to the Trafford Centre with Hugo tomorrow night. I was a bit pissed off about that cos he’s going to be with Hugo for 2 whole weeks on that cruise plus he’d told me he didn’t really want to see Hugo cos he’d rather spend time with me so he was going to cancel it last week. He did say I could go but I got the impression he only asked to keep the peace rather than cos he actually wanted me to go. Because I was so pissed off, I went all stubborn and said I didn’t really want to go.

Fine, until he asked Gethin. I think it was to try and get at me and it worked! After that, I went all quiet and Jake noticed but I denied sulking! But when we got back to his house he wandered off and left Gethin and me in the living room watching MTV and stuff. (I noticed some really nice family photos while I was in there.)

Then the phone rang. It was Hugo so it worried me greatly when Jake locked himself in the bathroom with the phone!

When Robbie and Clara and her Swedish friend Sandra came home, Gethin decided to cook so I decided to leave and go for a McDonald’s! Gethin had noticed the tension and persuaded Jake to go with me. It was really awkward at first but we both ended up apologising for being moody.

Then when I got home we started texting each other. I sent the 1st one, just apologising and he said, “I’M SORRY TOO! I UNDERSTAND GIRLS HAVE THEIR MOODS! JUST I DIDN’T KNOW IF YOU WERE IN A MOOD WITH ME! WHAT MAKES IT WORSE IS THAT GETHIN IS ALWAYS HAPPY AND TRIES TO CHEER US UP! IT WAS HORRIBLE COS I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY COS I DIDN’T KNOW HOW YOU WOULD REACT! I LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH AND DON’T WANT TO LEAVE YOU FOR 2 WEEKS – ESPECIALLY IF WE’V E FALLEN OUT – IT WOULD RUIN MY HOLIDAY COS I WOULD FEEL SO GUILTY (NOT THAT I WON’T ANYWAY)! I WANT TO TRY AND ENJOY THESE LAST FEW DAYS! X”.

Everything was fine until I got the next message saying, “WELL ACTUALLY – YOU HAVE BEEN HITTING ME QUITE A LOT RECENTLY – I THOUGH IT WAS BY ACCIDENT! : ) LOOK – YOU’RE NOT BAD AT ALL! AND I LOVE YOU TO BITS – YOU KNOW THAT! EVERYONE’S ALLOWED TO HAVE THEIR MOODS – SO WE MIGHT AS WELL HAVE THEM AT THE SAME TIME! ALTHOUGH IT DOES REALLY UPSET ME WHEN YOU’RE LIKE THAT! : ( THAT’S WHY I LEFT THE ROOM! : ( YOU’VE GOT TO BE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW WHO CAN BE SOOO HAPPY AND SMILEY ONE MINUTE AND THEN SO MOODY THE NEXT! DON’T TAKE THAT AS AN INSULT. I’M ONLY SAYING WHAT I THINK! I’LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU, NO MATTER WHAT!… BUT I DO LIKE ‘HAPPY TESSA’ MUCH MORE! LOTS OF LOVE!!! xJx”.

The problem was that I did take that as an insult and I told him that. I explained that I’d gone all moody cos he’d walked off and he said, “I’M SORRY FOR DOING THAT! BUT WHEN YOU WON’T HOLD MY HAND OR TOUCH ME… THAT REALLY RIPS YOU UP INSIDE!”

Then I got, “LOOK – I’M SOOO SORRY I SAID THOSE THINGS – PEOPLE TELL ME I SPEAK MY MIND AND IT USUALLY MAKES MATTERS WORSE! I WANT TO SEE YOU TMW COS OTHERWISE I’LL REALLY REGRET IT! DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT THE ONLY REASON IT UPSETS ME SO MUCH IS COS I CARE ABOUT YOU SO MUCH! YOU’RE THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN MAKE ME CRY! xJx”. I felt really guilty then!

The next message he sent said, “I WOULDN’T SAY THIS WORRIES ME COS WE ALWAYS MAKE UP THE NEXT DAY – USUALLY! I’VE STOPPED CRYING NOW! I FEEL GUILTY TOO. I KNOW HOW IMPORTANT YOU ARE TO ME COS I DON’T SHOW MY EMOTIONS USUALLY! MY BRO UPSET ME ONCE COS I DIDN’T CRY WHEN MY MUM DIED – OR AT THE FUNERAL – HE SAID I DIDN’T CARE – BUT I DID… AND I STILL DO. MAYBE THAT’S WHY I GET UPSET OVER THINGS LIKE THIS – LIFE’S TOO SHORT TO ARGUE AND FALL OUT! I LOVE YOU! xxx”.

That nearly had me in tears when he sent that. I’m just glad we sorted it out though cos, he’s right, life’s too short!

Gethin and I had interviews with a bloke called Mark at The Green Dragon this morning. He said he’d ring and let me know about a job.

Bye!