I’m not sure what he’s got in mind for that tent! – 16th July 2000

Sunday 16th I’ve still not had a postcard from Jake and he says he’s sent me a 3rd one too. I wish they’d hurry up and get here! He was on a train to Linz in Austria when I texted him this morning.

My cousins went home to Wick this morning. I’d rather they could’ve stayed a bit longer cos I hardly ever see them and I like doing so.

I was bored so I sent Jake another message telling him they’d left but that I’d gained a pair of Grumpy pyjamas from Disney World. He said, “OH – YOU’LL HAVE TO WEAR THEM AT FREDA’S PARTY! WELL MAYBE NOT TO HER PARTY BUT AFTERWARDS! : ) IT’S NOT VERY WARM HERE! MISS YOU! : ( : ( : ( LOVE xJx”.

I told him that I probably wouldn’t take the pyjamas cos I’m not expecting to sleep and he said, “NO! YOU WON’T BE SLEEPING – WE’VE GOTTA MAKE UP FOR ALL THIS TIME APART!!! : ) ONLY 5 MORE COUNTRIES BEFORE I GET TO YOU! LOVE YOU LOADS! : ) xxx JAKE xxx”.

I’m not sure what he’s got in mind for that tent!

Bye!

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Crunching ice cubes on my own – 15th July 2000

Saturday 15th My cousins, Auntie S and Uncle G arrived back here from Florida this morning. She must have been jetlagged but my cousin Rhian insisted that she felt alright enough to come to the Trafford Centre with me and Gethin. So the 3 of us went and the other 2 seemed to get on okay. I couldn’t get a word in edgeways! I bought a bag but that was about it cos all we did was wander round. We got the bus back just in time for a Chinese takeaway at my house.

It’s Gethin’s 17th birthday today so he, Floyd and I were all going round to Sarah’s house so we could give him his cards and stuff. Rhian came too in the end. We didn’t do much there either except watch Romeo and Juliet and then a couple of episodes of the Queer As Folk video we bought Gethin.

Gethin told me today that Jake had phoned him last night and told him what he’d found me. Gethin told me it’s a really big pinecone plus some other stuff. I wish he hadn’t told me cos I know Jake didn’t want me to know. Gethin also told me that Jake told him that he would never have been going on the cruise or to Canada if he’d have known what it was like to be split up from me!

Jake actually tried to phone me at about 1:00 am today. I’d been asleep but dreaming about my phone ringing and then I woke up to 2 missed calls! He tried again and I picked it up but nothing happened and then I got an anonymous call which I assume was him too. Before he’d tried to phone, I’d had a message saying, “HELLO! : ) NO YOU HAVEN’T WOKEN ME! I’M NOT PLANNING ON SLEEPING – WE’RE IN THE BAR DROWNING OUR SORROWS!! SAY HELLO TO RHIAN! HOPE THEY HAD A GOOD TIME! LOVE xJx”.

Going from that I assumed he was drunk cos he never rings me at night. I sent him a message asking what he wanted and asking why he was drowning his sorrows and something about Gethin always ending up telling me stuff that he thinks I don’t know. He replied, “BUT GETHIN DOESN’T KNOW STUFF! WE WERE DROWNING OUR SORROWS COS I’M MISSING YOU, ARRAN’S MISSING HIS GIRLF, ROB HAS GONE TO BED AND ALI WAS UNHAPPY – BUT HE JUST PULLED…” and then, “A POLISH GIRL! SO DID YOU GO OUT TONIGHT?? I WAS JUST TALKING TO GETHIN ABOUT HIS JOB AND WHERE I’D BEEN – THAT’S ALL! LOVE xJx”.

I didn’t reply to that last message cos I fell asleep but this morning I sent him one asking if he had tried to phone cos I wasn’t sure if I’d dreamt it or not. He said, “YEH I DID RING! SORRY (AGAIN) REALLY DIDN’T MEAN TO WAKE YOU UP AT THAT TIME! I THINK THE ALCOHOL MADE ME DEPRESSED! FELT SO LONELY! JUST GONNA GO TO BED…” then, “EARLY FROM NOW ON! JUST CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU THAT’S ALL! : ) HAVE YOU GOT MY POSTCARD YET?? LOVE xxxx J xxxx”.

That made me feel sorry for him when he said he felt lonely! I haven’t had another postcard yet.

Later on at the Trafford Centre I sent him a message from Starbucks saying it wasn’t the same crunching ice cubes on my own! He said, “NO IT CAN’T BE THE SAME! : ( DID YOU GET ALL MY MSGS?? OR DID I BLOCK YOUR SIM? WE’RE IN THE CENTRE OF THE OLD TOWN IN PRAGUE LISTENING TO THE JAZZ FESTIVAL!” He also told me that he thinks it’s beautiful there. He probably doesn’t mean it but he doesn’t half rub it in!

I then told him that there are too many things in the Trafford Centre that remind me of him and he said, “WELL THERE’S NOT MUCH TO REMIND ME OF YOU HERE! OHH – THAT’S UNTIL I SAT DOWN FOR SOMETHING TO EAT NEXT TO SHOP CALLED TESSA!!! UNBELIEVABLE! LOVE YOU!!! : ) xxx”.

When I was at Sarah’s this evening we got back onto the subject of him ringing last night. Jake said, “JUST FELT SOOO LONELY AND TOO FAR AWAY – STILL DO! WANT HUGS/CUDDLES/KISSES NOW! UURRGHH! : ( GOTTA GET A TRAIN! LOVE YOU TOO!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx”. Then later he said, “JUST WANTED TO SPEAK TO YOU COS I MISS YOU! I’LL RING YOU WHEN I’M IN RADSTADT ON MONDAY! : ) REALLY REALLY LOVE YOU!!! x”.

When I got home I told him we’d been watching Romeo and Juliet and he said, “AHH I LOVE THAT FILM! WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO GO TO SARAH’S WITHOUT YOU – IT WOULDN’T BE THE SAME SAT ON “OUR SOFA” ON MY OWN! TRY AND ENJOY THE FILM! I’M THINKING OF YOU x”.

I then told him about Sarah handing me a book of her mum’s on cruises and he said, “WELL THAT’S NASTY! THEY’RE NOT BEING V. NICE TO YOU AT THE MOMENT ARE THEY?! SO DID YOU WATCH ALL OF THE FILM? WHEN ARE YOUR COUSINS GOING BACK AGAIN? – YOU DID SAY! x”

I told him we only watched it until it got nasty and that it was making me feel more miserable anyway. Jake said, “UUUUURRRRRGGGGHHHHH! MISS YOU SOOO MUCH – I’M MISERABLE TOO! WE’RE A RIGHT PAIR AREN’T WE! IT’S GOING REALLY QUICK NOW – NOT LONG LEFT! GLAD I FEEL LIKE THIS ABOUT YOU! x”.

I told him that it seems to be going really slowly to me and he said, “WELL IT’S NOT THAT FAR OFF EITHER WAY! WANT U IN THAT TENT TOO! : ) CAN’T WAIT! SPOSE WE CAN’T HAVE THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS! IF WE LOVE EACH OTHER WE’LL HAVE TO…” and then, “PUT UP WITH MISSING EACH OTHER LIKE THIS! MUCH RATHER IT WAS THIS WAY ROUND! : ) NIGHT NIGHT! LOVE YOU! xxx JAKE xxx”.

He’s right again!

Bye!

He uses a hell of a lot of exclamation marks! – 14th July 2000

Friday 14th All this diary seem to consist of is text messages from Jake! I suppose I won’t get as many after Holland cos hopefully I’ll see him quite a lot.

Anyway, here we go again!… Late last night I got a few texts from him. At 23:53 I got, “IT JUST SEEMS LIKE AGES SINCE I SAID GOODBYE TO YOU! CAN STILL SEE YOU STANDING IN YOUR HALL WITH THAT LOOK ON YOUR FACE! I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE A DIFFERENT LOOK…” then, “ON YOUR CUTE LITTLE FACE! : ) I CAN REMEMBER EVERY LITTLE THING THAT HAPPENED WHEN I LEFT YOU! WANT TO THINK ABOUT SEEING YOU INSTEAD BUT THAT MAKES IT WORSE! xJx”.

It’s just dawned on me when I was writing that down that he uses a hell of a lot of exclamation marks!

After he sent that I sent him a message saying something about hating saying goodbye and he said, “I HATE SAYING GOODBYE TOO! I THINK I’VE SMELLED MY/YOUR WATCH STRAP A BIT TOO MUCH – NOT AS STRONG ANYMORE! : ( KEEP ON TRYING TO THINK OF WAYS THAT THIS CAN…” and then, “BE GOOD – HAVEN’T COME UP WITH ANYTHING YET… APART FROM SHOWING EXACTLY HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU AND HOW MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME! : ) LOTS OF LOVE!!! xJx”.

I only got that last message when I woke up this morning so it left me very confused cos I didn’t quite understand how him being away showed he loves me etc. So, I texted him to ask and he said he wasn’t sure himself what he’d meant cos he’d been half asleep when he wrote it! I now think he meant that being apart has made him really see how much he loves me or whatever.

Anyway, he then texted me to say, “REALLY MISS YOU! SORRY FOR CONFUSING YOU! ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW IS THAT I LOVE YOU TO BITS AND I’M MISSING YOU LIKE CRAZY… AND YES IT’S ALL MY FAULT!!! : ) LOVE xJx”. I liked that one, especially cos he’s admitted it’s his fault!

I then pointed out that we’ve only got about 6 days until we got to Valkenburg and he said, “YEH ONLY 6 DAYS! : ) WELL I CAN’T GO FOR LONGER THAN A MINUTE WITHOUT A CUDDLE ANYWAY SO IT’S GONNA BE HARD TO MAKE THE TIME UP! THE TENT SHOULD SOLVE…” and then, “THAT PROBLEM SHOULDN’T IT!? ON AN 8 HOUR TRAIN TO PRAGUE NOW – FOUND A PLUG SOCKET TOO! IT’S BECOME A MAJOR FACTOR WHEN DECIDING WHERE TO SIT NOW! LOVE YOU! Jx”.

We had the Way Ahead thing in college again today and yet again the teachers managed to scare (and bore!) the hell out of us! Then, just to make matters worse, one teacher told us we should get into the social side of things cos she regretted not doing in her first year because she kept going home to see her boyfriend until they split up. I think that’s what’s scaring me more than anything, if I have to choose between Jake and a course I really want. The last thing I want is to be split up from him and then be really unhappy without him but then I don’t want to end up on a course for ages and then regretting not doing something else or going somewhere else if we break up for another reason.

Mind you, it might be a bit less difficult to go to Huddersfield now if I decide to (he’s going there and I did like the place a lot) because I’m heading more towards Environmental Science or something and they do a lot of environmental courses there. Before, I wanted to do Physiotherapy and, other that it being really hard to get a place on that course, there’s not much else similar I could apply for at Huddersfield. With environment stuff, I could also apply for Environmental Science with Geography there too. I’ve not made any definite decisions yet though. I don’t know what could happen between now and then anyway.

When college was over, I sent Jake a text telling him what Miss W had said about splitting up with her boyfriend cos they were apart. I think I was really looking for reassurance and I got it. Jake said, “AAH! : ( TAKE NO NOTICE OF THEM! I’M NEVER SPLITTING UP WITH YOU! YOU’RE MORE IMPORTANT TO ME THAN ANY UNI! SOME PEOPLE SPLIT UP…” and then, “BUT THEN OTHERS STAY TOGETHER! IT ALL DEPENDS ON WHO YOU TALK TO! WHAT WE’VE GOT IS TOO GOOD TO LET ANYTHING COME BETWEEN US! LOVE YOU!!! xJx”.

He sent me a message later telling me not to let it all stress me out so I told him I wasn’t stressed, just annoyed cos uni seems to be the only topic of conversation at the moment. He said, “OH RIGHT – WHAT’S ANNOYING YOU? GOING TO UNI, BEING APART OR THE PROCESS OF GETTING INTO UNI?? IF IT’S THE 2ND ONE – I’M  NOT THINKING THAT FAR AHEAD YET! JUST ENJOYING…” then, “WHAT WE’VE GOT AND BEING WITH YOU NOW! DON’T WANT TO WORRY ABOUT BEING APART – IT’S TOO HORRIBLE! : ( LOVE YOU!!! xJx”.

I told him that people just kept asking what I’m going to do about him as if they assume we won’t last. He said, “WELL THEY’RE WRONG! EVEN IF WE DO SPLIT UP – I’M ALWAYS GONNA LOVE YOU SO IT WON’T MATTER!! WE MAY NOT EVEN SPLIT UP ANYWAY! I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE SAY THAT! x”.

I really hope he’s right!

Bye!

He wants to wipe out some of “the geeks”! Bastard!! – 13th July 2000

Thursday 13th I woke up this morning and I could hardly move. All my joints had totally seized up and it was so painful. My knees and wrist (which had been making crunching noises last night) were worst. I was on the verge of crying cos it was that bad!

I went to college anyway after being drugged up with Anadin cos we had the 1st day of the college Way Ahead conference where we have to sit and listen to teachers scare us about university and stuff! It was so boring really!

This lad called Kris Bates who hangs round in the pool room with all the people who think they’re the cool ones is going to be dead soon! My lot who hang round upstairs in college have been informed that he said he was going to put a bomb under Karen Brent’s car (which she’s driven me, Gethin, Floyd and Sarah to McDonald’s in at lunch) cos he wants to wipe out some of “the geeks”! Bastard!! He’s one to talk – he’s a manky, minging, greasy, short-arsed, bug-eyed, square-headed, stubby, chubby Peter Andre wannabe!!!

Mum made me a doctor’s appointment tonight about the joint pain. I go to Dr O and he’s nice and all but I still hate going. I told him how I’ve had tonsillitis and then a rash and now the pain and he listened to my heart and then decided to take a throat swab and a blood test. That I didn’t like! It wasn’t as sore as I thought it’d be though. I’ll get the results next week sometime. Well, that’s something to look forward to. NOT!!

Jake phoned me tonight. He told me he was bored and starving and wants to go home! He said he’d been to Bratislava today and it was horrible and that he got searched on the Slovenian border. He’s in Vienna now in the best hostel yet, apparently! He asked how I was feeling and I told him and he said that I always seem to be ill. I’ve only been ill 3 times now while I’ve been going out with him and he’s not been well all the time himself.

Later on he sent me 3 messages after I said I wasn’t doing much but then I should be used to it cos I’m “always ill” according to him! He said, “I’M NOT SAYING IT’S YOUR FAULT THAT YOU’RE ILL MORE! JUST THAT IT’S NOT FAIR THAT IT’S YOU WHO’S ILL! THEN AGAIN IF YOU DON’T GET BETTER SOON I’M GONNA…” then, “HAVE IT TOO COS THERE’S NO WAY I’M STAYING AWAY FROM YOU COS THAT WOULD BE EVEN WORSE THAN IT IS NOW! AT LEAST I CAN’T PHYSICALLY SEE YOU – IF YOU WERE…” then, “AT HOME AND SO WAS I AND I COULDN’T SEE YOU IT WOULD BE HORRIBLE! : ( OOPS – SORRY IF I’VE BLOCKED YOUR SIM AGAIN! : ) LOTS OF LOVE!! xJx”.

I then explained to him that I’ve been told that I’m only getting ill more due to my immune system being lower due to recently coming off antibiotics (which were Minocyclin but I didn’t tell him that). He said, “OHHHH RIGHT – I DON’T THINK I KNEW THAT! SORRY! FOUND A MCDONALD’S! : ) CHEERED UP A BIT! BUT I’M STILL KINDA HOMESICK AND I REALLY MISS YOU!!! : ( xxxxx”. I’m sure I’ve mentioned it before.

I told him I need a cuddle and he said, “UUUGGHH! DON’T SAY THINGS LIKE THAT WHEN I’M IN BED! WANT LOTS N LOTS OF HUGS/CUDDLES/KISSES! JUST CAN’T HAVE EM NOW! I’LL HAVE TO MAKE UP FOR EM WHEN I SEE YOU! xJx”. Hope so!

Bye!

Hayley’s suddenly decided to speak to us all again – 12th July 2000

Wednesday 12th Back to college today. Hayley’s suddenly decided to speak to us all again now Georgia Dean’s gone off to join the police. She says she’ll never be able to trust Sarah again apparently but I think that it should be the other way round.

I got told by the IT teacher that I passed my INIT exam [I have no idea what this was.] with distinction so I either got 98%, 99% or 100%! It wasn’t exactly difficult though really!

Jake was in Venice at lunchtime and had a 16 hour train journey to Budapest ahead of him. I texted him to tell him that Cat reckons he’s really lucky and his reply to me was, “I AM LUCKY THAT I’M ON THIS TRIP – I’M ALSO LUCKY THAT I’M GOING ON THE CRUISE BUT I’M EVEN MORE LUCKY HAVING YOU! THE CRUISE IS ONLY 10 NIGHTS – THAT’S NOTHING…” and then, “COMPARED TO THIS! ALTHOUGH I’M MISSING YOU MORE AND MORE EVERY DAY, THE THOUGHT OF SEEING YOU AND THERE BEING 1 LESS DAY EVERY DAY MAKES IT A BIT BETTER! : )”.

Well, we’ve only got about a week left to go now hopefully!

Bye!

A manky old tent with cranes sticking out of it – 11th July 2000

Tuesday 11th Cat’s alarm woke us up at 6:30 am so we could all have showers so I’ve been knackered all day! We had breakfast and then set off for the Millennium Dome for our concerts.

We went in through some back entrance and then we were allowed to look around before setting up for our first concert. I was with Cat most of the time and we agreed that the whole thing’s just plain weird! It’s just some of the sculptures and stuff that makes it so odd. It was the pointed foot on the body zone that kept us laughing though!

Millennium Dome foot

The first concert went really well. One of the sound guys put a microphone right by my flute which I didn’t like but all together it sounded good and we were being played on speakers all over the dome. Some guy who works there (he looked important) came and told us that they’ve seen a lot of bands play but we really stood out as being good and all the backstage staff had said we were nice to work with! Apparently they want us back! People were dancing to us and everything!

Millennium Dome Swing Band

We all got a free McDonald’s for lunch and then went to watch the show they put on. The story line that they put up on the screen about ‘Skyboy’ and the other characters was a bit strange but the music and the dance etc. was really good. We had our second successful concert after it.

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My camera stopped working so I bought this postcard from the shop instead. →

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The place actually looks nice on there but in daylight it looks horrible! It looks like a manky old tent with cranes sticking out of it!!

I also bought couple of keyrings so Jake can have the free one cos the woman in the shop undercharged me!

I had a few messages off Jake today. He was saying how when he next sees me, he’s going to hug me so much that nobody’ll be able to separate us! Then he told me that he’s in Florence but the youth hostel they were going to stay in is full so he told me, “WE’VE GOTTA GO TO BOLOGNA! IF THAT’S FULL WE’LL BE SPENDING ANOTHER NIGHT ON THE PLATFORM! FINISHED PLAYING NOW? LOTS OF LOVE!!! xxx J xxx”.

Then later he sent me a message saying, “I’M LOOKING AT THE PHOTOS, LISTENING TO LONESTAR, SMELLING MY WATCH STRAP AND LOOKING AT MY NAIL! YOU MEAN SO MUCH TO ME! CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU! LOVE YOU! x”.

We went straight home from the dome (Ha! That rhymes!!) and it seemed to take ages. I got in at about 11:30 pm and I’m so tired!

Bye!

An iron mark on the carpet and scally lads outside – 10th July 2000

Monday 10th This morning seemed to last for ages because the coach to take us Swing Band lot to London didn’t come until lunch so we had to do lessons. Hayley was still being a moody cow so I felt a bit sorry for Sarah when I had to leave her!

Keira Osborne, Emma Thornley, Christa East, Cat Elliot and I all claimed the back seat of the coach and had loads of room because we were by the emergency exit. The journey was really boring but I kept getting texts from Jake which helped ease the boredom every so often. Jake told me that he’s going to Florence tomorrow and should be in Prague on Friday. Then I did a quiz in someone’s Cosmopolitan magazine on my perfect holiday destination. Mine came out at Prague! How weird is that?!!

Cat sent Jake a quick message too saying she wished she was travelling around Europe and in his reply he told her that he’d happily swap with her cos he misses me! How sweet! 🙂

I sent him a message myself again later and told him not to chase any foreign girls or anything (I was only kidding) and he said, “HUH CHEEK – YOU KNOW I WOULDN’T EVER THINK ABOUT DOING ANYTHING LIKE THAT! : ( I’VE TOLD YOU BEFORE THAT I’M SENTIMENTAL! WE SHOULD BE IN THE SAME HOSTEL WE STAYED IN AT RADSTADT WITH SCHOOL.”

When we reached London, the coach driver took us all through the centre which was absolute torture for me cos there were so many signs with the word ‘Canada’ on them! We then took a wrong turning past Canada Water Station so I was reminded again of the fact Jake’s going off to be a ski instructor for 3 months! Then we went past Starbucks where we both go! 😦

I told Jake about it and he texted me back saying, “I TOLD YOU IT’S THE LITTLE THINGS… WHEN IN MCDONALD’S, FOR SOME REASON “TESS” WAS PRINTED ON THE SIDE OF BUS THAT WENT PAST! : ( V. UPSETTING! MISS YOU TOO!”

Then the realisation must have kicked in cos he then said, “WOW – SOOO WEIRD! THERE’S SO MUCH WEIRD STUFF GOING ON – NOT JUST NOW BUT ALL THAT STUFF WE LISTED IN THE DOG TOO! I’M NOT RELIGIOUS BUT SOMEONE UP THERE IS…” and then, “TRYING TO TELL US SOMETHING! WE’VE DEFINITELY GOT SOMETHING SPECIAL! TRY NOT TO GET TOO UPSET! THIS IS HORRIBLE BUT IT’LL BE OVER SOON! : ) LOVE xJx”.

When we arrived at Rotherhithe Youth Hostel we were all given our room keys. I was sharing with the people I’d been sat with on the coach plus Maeve Ackerley. The room was 219 and wasn’t too bad at all. We had an iron mark on the carpet and scally lads outside the window but the beds were cool! There were 2 sets of 3 and they were sort of all piled up. I got the top bunk on mine!

Millennium Dome '00 Tess

The cool beds and our cool Swing Band attire.

We didn’t do much all evening. We were either in our rooms or at the bar. Henry Rockwell fancies Maeve quite a lot so he was in our room most of the time too!

I had some last night messages from Jake on the subject of Canada. He said he’d love me to go and see him while he’s there and I said I wish I could but I can’t really see it happening. Then he said, “I REALLY WANT YOU TO COME BUT IT’S A LONG TIME TIL I GO! IF THERE’S ANY WAY YOU COULD COME IN FEB HALF TERM THEN I’M TAKING YOU! YOU WOULDN’T HAVE TO STAY IN MY ROOM ALL OF THE TIME… JUST SOME OF IT!”

That would be so good cos I can’t possibly last 3 months without him and not go mad or something but it’d be expensive and I’ve got college and stuff. I suppose we’ll have to see.

Bye!