Why do girls have to be so bitchy? – 5th December 1999

Sunday 5th Abby came home last night and told me that Ewan fancies her mate Alice. Well, it’s hardly a surprise really. For a start, he liked her last time I liked him and it’s also just my bloody luck!

I was listening to the radio before and it said that Cliff Richard’s ‘Millennium Prayer’ was still at number one in the charts. A lot of people have been laughing about that but my mum pointed out that it probably should be at no.1 because it’s a religious song and without religion there’d be no year 2000. She’s right. People (me included) seem to forget about when it was the years were counted from and if Jesus hadn’t been born, the Millennium wouldn’t be coming up.

I was on the phone to Rhian before and then was watching stuff on TV. During that time, Hayley rang my mobile about 8 times. I didn’t answer because it came up on the screen that it was her and I know what she wants to tell me about and I can’t be bothered with her.

You see, Zoe rang earlier and told me that, last night for Esther Trent’s birthday, she, Esther, Bridget and Hayley went bowling. Zoe snogged 2 lads and Hayley had an offer but didn’t take it. That last part’ll be what she wants to tell me.

I’ve had all this before when I didn’t go somewhere and she did and some lad wanted to meet [snog] her (but she didn’t) and she goes on + on + on + on + on about it, I presume to try and make me jealous. I just can’t be bothered risking speaking to her coz I’ll only get annoyed with the stupid girl and say something I shouldn’t and she’ll take it the wrong way and won’t speak to me. Mind you, she’ll probably be in a mood with me tomorrow because I didn’t answer the phone or ring her back. She never thinks that maybe I didn’t hear it ring or anything,although, in this case, she’d be right to think I was ignoring the calls!

Rhian’s still having trouble with her “friend” Laura Morgan. Laura won’t speak to her, Rhian thinks because she’s just fed up of her but she’s give the excuse that Rhian deliberately wears tight tops to show off her rather large top half to get attention from lads, which she does. Sounds to me like rather a large touch of jealously.

Why do girls have to be so bitchy? I can’t really complain coz I’ve had my moments too but we all have it in us to control ourselves and we should do so.

BYE!

Really soft with stupid Elvis hair – 1st-4th December 1999

Wednesday 1st There was quite a bad car accident on the way home from kickboxing tonight. One car was on its side and another was upside-down in a field. The scary thing was that we were first there after the police. If we’d have left a few minutes earlier we could’ve been involved. I hate to see accidents like that, it really upsets me.

I still can’t stand Hayley. This morning, I think she was quite pleased to hear that Leon and Jodie were a potential item and then she started saying how Leon was really soft with stupid Elvis hair and that he reminded her of Richard Willers (who I wouldn’t exactly call good looking) deliberately loudly in front of everyone, I reckon to try and humiliate me. Bitch!

Then I had to put up with her all afternoon coz she tagged along with Rachael and I when we were delivering invitations to old people about the Xmas party at school. Rach doesn’t like Hayley either so neither of us were pleased.

BYE!

Thursday 2nd Not much happened today. Lizzie said that Jodie doesn’t fancy Leon and that she’s happy with the boyfriend she’s got. Good!

Later, Gethin told me and Lizzie that we were 2 of his favourite girls along with Emma and Suzanna. Aaah, sweet!

BYE!

Saturday 4th I went to see the new James Bond film ‘The World Is Not Enough’ last night with Cat, Lizzie and Poppy. It was quite a good film but it ended really late. Before out film, we had an hour or so to waste so Lizzie phoned Brett and he and that lad from bonfire night came to meet us there for a bit. There wasn’t much mention of Leon, only Brett asking if I still liked him but I lied and said no.

When we got into the film, Cat ended up with Charlie Wilson sat behind her (she snogged him in Belgium). He and the lad he was with kept whispering and saying, “Chris Kelly-Banks” very loudly every so often!

I had a great dream last night! Hayley was yelling stuff at me so I started doing some kickboxing on her and she shut up so I started saying all the things that really need to be said and she then pissed off with no friends and left me alone. I don’t know what would’ve happened next coz my mum woke me up. I was quite disappointed to find out that it hasn’t all been real!

Sarah and Freda both went round to Hayley’s last night. No doubt they had a good bitch about me and possibly Lizzie.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that during my free period yesterday some of my mates were trying to lift people up in a sitting position with only 4 people using 2 fingers. One person had to sit on a chair and the other 4 people stood around them and put their hands one over the other (but not touching) over the sitting person’s head. They counted to 10 and then they put 2 fingers under each arm and knee and lifted. It worked. Sarah went right up to the ceiling. I don’t know how it works though.

My sister’s going to the Coach Horse pub with her mates, May’s boyfriend and Ewan Swann coz they’re mates. I found myself feeling really pissed off coz Ewan was going. I don’t want to start fancying him again but I think I’m heading that way. The person I really want is Leon but he’s obviously just not interested.

BYE!

Watching me watching him – 13th & 15th September 1999

Monday 13th On the way to school this morning, Zoe told me that she rang Craig at some point yesterday. He told her that he’s going to the cinema with his mates again on Saturday and wanted to know if she and her mates could go too. Normally it’d all be fine but it just so happens that there is a problem with this weekend which is bound to result in Hayley not speaking to me again if I don’t go about this situation carefully.

You see, there’s this 70s night on at the Sports Club also on Saturday which Hayley’s been going on about for ages. I’ve never wanted to go to it because dressing up in old clothes and having to listen to ancient music that I wasn’t around to hear the first time round with a bunch of middle-ages parents of people who I know is just not my thing. Hayley’s managed to round up a couple of people who are up for it and maybe it could be a good laugh but now there’s another offer of a night out which I’d really rather go to, I’m in a bit of an awkward situation.

If I don’t go to the cinema with Craig and those gorgeous mates of his, I could really miss out there and also if we don’t go, we could lose them to another group of girls and we couldn’t have that. But then if I don’t go to this 70s thing then Hayley’s bound to sulk a bit anyway but if she found out I was going to the cinema with them she’d be absolutely fuming! I really do not want to go to this 70s night and I’ve told her that but now I’ve got to get round to telling her where I’m going instead. Whatever I say, she won’t be happy.

Rhian phoned me on my mobile at lunch. She was with Laura and I spoke to them both. They told me to phone Duncan tonight but I haven’t done. Rhian spoke to Graham briefly and he was asking her about that letter to Dougie. She says he has a nice voice. She really wanted to speak tot Dougie but he wasn’t there.

She phoned back about 10 minutes later to tell me she’d seen Duncan. She didn’t talk to him though. That’s probably a good thing really. She phoned here at home tonight too and told me Duncan must be lying about going to Florida in October because she’s sure they’re not.

BYE!

Wednesday 15th Lizzie saw Oscar’s mum today. Quite a few of us went (me, Aled, Julien Olsen, Cat and Hayley) because Lizzie didn’t want to go on her own. She was in there about 10 seconds and then we went to the bakery.

I found out that Aled either wants to do interior design or architecture when he leaves school and for his A Levels he’s going Geography (in my group), Design Technology (I think it’s called) and Art. I still think I like him but only a bit.

I think Ewan Swann still thinks I fancy him. I keep catching him looking in my direction in Biology and then his eyes flick elsewhere when he realises I’ve noticed. I think he’s watching to see if I look at him. I do though to see if he’s watching me watching him.

There’s a very nice joiner working on the computer rooms in college. Actually, there are 2 quite nice ones. One’s short and blonde but the nicest one is tall, thin, tanned, brown-haired and reminds me a lot of Chin from Wick.

Zoe phoned Craig again last night. He said they’re still going on Saturday and another mate called Andy’s going too. Something’s bound to go wrong. We told Hayley and she didn’t seem pleased that we were going without her but she’s still speaking to us.

I went on the internet tonight and Laura was on. She didn’t say much and was going to get Duncan to chat to me but he had “hills of homework” apparently. She asked me if we were going up in October and when I said I didn’t know she said, “Please come up.” I don’t know why.

I want to do kickboxing. I need to do something to keep me active and Abby and Jacqueline Robson’d do it too. Emma went last night with Maisie Jones and if she can do it, so can I.

BYE!

“Oh, so we’re good enough for you now, are we?” – 7th & 8th September 1999

Tuesday 7th Hayley’s speaking to me again which is one thing at least but I’ve found new things to worry about.

One is Sports Studies. The teachers expect you to do sport outside of school and stuff but I don’t. I’ve not idea if this is going to be a major problem later on but now the subject keeps being brought up in lesson times. For example, today in Miss P’s lesson we had to relate some work we’d just done to a sport we do. I had to make it up. That’s no way to go on for the next 2 years. I suppose I’ll just have to take things as they come and if necessary I’ll have to tell one of the teachers. I mean, it didn’t matter at GCSE but I don’t know if it will now or not. I’ll have to see.

The other thing is this ‘enrichment activities afternoon’ which is tomorrow. In the assembly we had today, we were given sheets and we had virtually no time at all to decide what we were going to do for each term of the year. I ended up putting down CLAIT (this computer thing) for period 4 all year, which is fine, but then I put this community studies or something down for period 5. I didn’t really have a clue what it was but we were all in such a rush to hand the sheets back in that Hayley, Freda and I ticked that box because everything else seemed to be all debates and business studies.

I read what I’d signed up for and found out that we have to go and visit old people’s homes and the hospice and stuff. I don’t know what to expect really. I’m now thinking that maybe I should’ve put down P.E. instead because I might need it more. Oh, I don’t know. I suppose it’s a bit late now. I just wish they’d given us longer than 5 minutes to think about it.

Freda told Abby about me and Aled at the party after Swing Band tonight. I wish she hadn’t. Abby thinks I fancy him now. Freda also seems to have told Emma about it too because she asked me about it. She also asked me if I wanted to go to a 70s night tonight in Warrington at Mr Smith’s (but I didn’t) and if I want to go to Laser Quest for Heidi Warner’s birthday on Saturday (I probably will).

Right, well, I’ll go away and try to stop worrying now.

BYE!

Wednesday 8th Not much has really happened except that Hayley won’t speak to me again. I’m not sure why. I think the background reason is that she’s still feeling humiliated about getting the pig thing wrong but she still can’t find a reason to be annoyed with me so she’s trying to wind me up so I’ll shout at her or summit and give her a reason.

I think the excuse she was using today was that I ignored her this morning. I didn’t, I just didn’t jump up and go and sit with her because I was talking to Lizzie, Dougie, Oscar and others. She could’ve sat with us.

When I did attempt to talk to her, she responded with, “Oh, so we’re good enough for you now, are we?” Stupid cow! All I can really do now is ignore it, act like normal and hope she gets bored and gets over it.

That community students course doesn’t seem too bad. I’ve been paired with Freda and we basically have to visit an old person and chat or do shopping for them and stuff.

I saw Ewan playing netball today. It was rather amusing because he was the only lad!

BYE!

He only waved back! – 2nd & 3rd September 1999

Thursday 2nd I had my first day at 6th Form College today. Well, it wasn’t actually in the college, it was more in the form of an assembly in room A26 which is just a big room. It wasn’t really a day either because it only lasted 2 hours. I was back here at home by 11:30 am.

On my way home I walked past the fire salvage shop and there was quite a nice lad brushing up around the car park. I turned round after I’d walked past and he was looking at me but quickly turned away when he saw I’d noticed. I saw him the other day actually, working in the part that sells chocolate and stuff behind the till.

Anyway, we all start properly at school tomorrow. All it was today was explaining rules and giving out timetables. I think I’m with someone I know in all my lessons and in free periods and we got to pick at least one person who we wanted to go in a form with. My name was put down with Hayley, Lena, Georgia Dean, Rachael Hollins and Emma but we’ll be mixed with other people too I think.

As for new people, well, there are apparently 5. There is a girl called Maeve who knows Lizzie, a girl called Penny who knows Lucy and Poppy and some lad. He’s not fit either. He’s new to our year but is a couple of years older. He’s done GNVQs and now wants to do A Levels. I don’t know if he’s counted as one of the 5.

There was no sign of John Baker. Never mind.

BYE!

Friday 3rd I had my first full day in 6th Form. This morning I had double Sports Studies with Miss P (don’t like her) then Mr B. He’s okay but wanted to know what sports we did and what sporting achievements we have. I don’t so I just wrote down athletics because I don’t mind it and netball because I was briefly on the team lower down the school.

After that I had Geography with Mr B-N. He’s okay too but I’m only with Sarah and Zoe in that lesson. In Sports Studies I’m with Lizzie, that new girl Maeve Ackerley, Rachael Hollins and Tanya Potter. There are other people in these groups too but I’m not really mates with them.

This afternoon I had Biology with Mr S and there were 30 of us but they want to split us up into 2 groups. That means I probably won’t be in the same group as Ewan Swann. I quite like him again but only really because there’s nobody else! I’m with loads of mates in that – Yvette Brand, Chloe Gomez, Hayley, Lizzie, Rani S, Cat, Karen, Sarah and Rachael and Lucy.

At lunch, Hayley, Freda, Rani and I were sat on the park and this little lad from the Indian restaurant walked past with another lad. Hayley and I have seen him loads and he’s always wherever we are in the village. Anyway, today as he was walking off, he turned round so I waved. He only waved back! It was really embarrassing because Hayley thinks I fancy him. I don’t, he only looks about 7! We can’t actually decide how old he is but he’s quite short.

This evening, Hayley, Milla and I went to The Plough because it’s Hayley’s 17th birthday today. Her sister and sister’s husband had to come with us but it was still quite good. He was trying to pair us off with lads but nowt happened, thank God! It was really embarrassing!

Conrad Garvey out of my year came over and spoke to us at one point. It’s his birthday too. That tarty woman who was chatting up those lads in the Sports Club when the football was on was in The Plough too, chatting up even more men. I don’t think she recognised us!

BYE!

What else am I going to remember?!!?!! – 13th July 1999

Tuesday 13th I went to the primary school all day coz they were having a Sports Day run-through in the morning and I got roped into painting crocodiles in the afternoon. I seem to have gained a little club already! They’re lovely some of those kids. The 2 that have spoken to me most are Alex A and Samantha O. Neither of them would let go of my arms! The others noticed and started trying to hold hands with me too!

I had a rehearsal for Swing Band tonight coz of the Au Revoir 2 Concert tomorrow at the British Legion. I was discussing the party with Emma and she told me how awful it had been for her coz she had Rochelle, Zoe and Hayley slagging her off coz they thought she was after Danny Barnes (who Zoe likes). Also, Davis turned up and it was him she was drowning her sorrows about!

I was hoping either Emma, Davis or Ed would have some good news for me on Ewan. No such luck! I’m stupid. I told myself not to get my hopes up about Ewan but I couldn’t help it. I thought that maybe because I’d actually talked to him now (because he’s being trying to get me to have a conversation with him for ages), he might have decided he liked me and let one of those 3 know. Obviously not.

I don’t want to start liking him again coz I’ve been much happier since I haven’t liked anyone in particular. It saves disappointment you see and I end up always wondering about what they’re doing and who with, whereas if I keep my options open and just take it as it comes (like I’ve been doing recently) then it seems much less hassle and one less thing to worry about. It looks like I’m heading backwards in the wrong direction though. Back towards Ewan.

I also think that maybe Adam took my mind off one particular lad a bit too coz meeting him was something to look forward to and organise. I’ve not heard from him for ages now so maybe that’s partly why I’m going backwards!

There’s no certainty that we’ll be going to Scotland for a holiday anymore because Auntie S is not pleased coz nobody else can or will take Grandma L off her hands for a week. I really want to go though.

BYE!

P.S. I have no idea why but I have just remembered summit from Freda’s party in May. Ollie was asking me to have sex with him!! It just came back to me, him saying, “Where are the bedrooms? Find me a bed, a wall, anything!” Where the hell did that come from?! What else am I going to remember?!!?!!

Worried? Bollocks! – 11th July 1999

[Jesus. This entry is 8 and a bit pages of post-party analysis! I’ll see how I get on but there may have to be a ‘to be continued’…]

Sunday 11th Okay, I’ll fill you in a bit more on last night’s party cos it was about 1:30am when I wrote that last entry and I wasn’t exactly sober.

When I first arrived with Hayley, we saw Matt Carrera (Zoe’s older brother) heading away from the house with Danny Barnes, Gary Willis and a few more of his mates so when we got inside there was hardly anyone there. More people did start slowly arriving and Zoe insisted that more people were coming.

As soon as Emma arrived, Hayley went very quiet. She hadn’t exactly looked like she was enjoying herself beforehand but this made her worse.

Ewan was meant to have arrived by 8:45 but he still wasn’t there by 9:00 so I was convinced he wasn’t coming but then at about 9:30 I went to get another drink and I saw him and Davis in the kitchen. They disappeared outside for a bit with Emma, after which she came running back in and told me they’d decided I was fit and Ewan stuck his head round the door and grinned at me.

At every possible opportunity, Hayley began slagging me off to Cat and people in front of Ewan and she was telling them how I was only pretending to be pissed. Believe me, I wasn’t pretending! It was obvious to me why she was doing this in front of him. It was cos she was so scared that I’d get together with him and she wouldn’t have a lad. A real friend wouldn’t do that. Anyway, the night looked like it went her way, miserable cow! I bet she’s pleased with herself.

Later on, I decided to go for a wander round the living room. I passed Davis and Gary and Davis patted the seat next to him and told me to sit down and talk with them so I did. Then Ewan came back, sat next to me and started up a conversation. Gary was asking us if we were staying on at 6th Form (we both are) and what we are taking for A Level. Ewan’s doing 4 of them – Maths, Physics, Chemistry and Biology so he said he’d see me in Biology.

Then we started talking about jobs and he told me he’s quit at the garden centre because it paid badly but he was thinking of going back and he asked me if I was working anywhere. I said I was considering Ikea cos my dad said it’s meant to be good there and I had an application form. He asked what my dad did so I said he’s an architectural technician/builder. I’m not quite sure what happened after that but it probably wasn’t interesting.

Adrian Ford arrived a bit later and sometime after that we went for that walk. I wanted to go cos Ewan was but I didn’t want to just follow them so it was lucky that Emma dragged me along too. As we were getting towards the park, Ewan was worrying that he was carrying bottles and thought the police were going to drive by. They didn’t.

Somehow, I ended up admitting that I used to fancy Danny Barnes. I think Emma mentioned it so there was no point in denying it. I said, “Yeah, I used to fancy you” and Ewan turned round and said, “Me?” I told him I meant Danny but Emma told Ewan that I used to like him too. I can’t remember what I said to that. Probably nothing.

We reached the park and I sat on a swing. Ewan sat on the one next to me. We started talking about holidays and I told him how I was going to Belgium and then Scotland and he said he’d never been to Scotland so I told him it was a bit boring for most people cos it’s all mountains and stuff but I liked it up there cos of my relatives too. He said he’d probably like it cos he likes places like that.

He told me how he’d been to Ireland and was going to Wales soon for a while. I said how my family were going to go there for a week or so because of more family there but we decided not to. That’s when he said I could go to Wales with him if I liked. He said Adrian and Robert Osbourne and the Maine twins were going too and they’d be there for the eclipse. They’re going somewhere near Abersoch. I’m not sure if he really meant it when he kept saying, “Come!” but I wish he had!

The subject changed onto how many people Zoe fancies and then he asked me again what I was doing for A Level. We noticed Emma and Adrian going with [snogging] each other at the bottom of the slide and the subject got changed again.

After a while, I asked if he thought we should go back to Zoe’s. He said “no” and asked if I wanted to cos he’d walk back with me but I told him I didn’t really want to go back but I just thought that maybe we should. We did, well, Ewan, Danny and I did. We left the other 2 at the bottom of the slide.

On the way back, Danny was being very quiet (he was sober coz he was driving) so Ewan and I just talked to each other. He asked me again what I was taking for A Level and then asked me where I lived. I’d told him where earlier but he wanted to know whereabouts. I said, “Across the road from The Green Dragon, next door to the Methodist church. The house with the red van outside saying ‘D V Simpson Constructions’ on it.” He seemed to know where I meant.

When we got back to Zoe’s, Cat came up to me and said I’d better go and talk to Hayley and other people were telling me to go outside. I went out and saw Hayley in floods of tears. I couldn’t really have cared less coz I knew what she was playing at. I just thought I’d better look like I was concerned for everyone else’s benefit.

Hayley told me she’d been really worried when I went off and was asking me why I had to keep going off with Emma. I felt like telling her the truth, that she was being a miserable sod but Emma was having fun (come one, which one would you choose to talk to?!) but instead I said summit about not being sure why Hayley wasn’t speaking to me and how Emma was upset about Davis. She seemed to accept that answer and forgave me.

I went along with it even though I was still very pissed off with her coz it wasn’t worth the hassle of doing otherwise. All she was really trying to do was spoil my fun (coz I was having some and she wasn’t) by making me feel guilty. I pretended to feel guilty by repeatedly apologising but I wasn’t really bothered.

I was meant to be going and staying over at Hayley’s but I didn’t want to leave and she did so I said I’d walk her home with Cat but I was going back to Zoe’s. She didn’t seem to mind which surprised me.

When I arrived back at Zoe’s again, Emma was asleep on Ewan’s shoulder so I sat down and talked to him and Adrian for a bit. Ewan then disappeared so later I went upstairs with Ed and we found him on the Playstation in Matt’s room. I sat on the floor and watched.

Soon after that, Lizzie’s dad arrived and dropped me, Emma and Cat off at home. Ewan was still there when I left. I’m pretty disappointed that nothing happened coz I’ll probably not get another chance but I suppose at least I’ve talked to him now, even if it was a load of crap! I don’t think he really likes me much in a ‘fancy’ kind of way coz, even though he did keep talking to me a lot and kept smiling at me, there were a few times when I was in a room and he went out. Surely he wouldn’t have done that if he liked me. Never mind, hey?!

There were a few times when I still got a bit embarrassed though such as when Freda yelled across the room, “Tess, do you still like Ewan?” and he was stood there. In the kitchen I think both me and Ewan spilt drinks and someone (Emma, I think) said, “Oh, you see, you’re made for each other!” I don’t want to start liking him again coz I’ve been much happier when I haven’t liked anyone in particular but it looks like I’m heading that way!

Hayley’s just phoned me. I didn’t make any comment on how she was behaving towards me last night coz it’d be more trouble than it’s worth. Anyway, she said she was talking to Ewan and she asked him if he liked me and according to her (she’s not exactly a reliable source of information coz she either exaggerates or cuts bits out) he said summit like, “I don’t know, I’ve not talked to her yet. That can be my mission for the night.” Then apparently she told him to go and talk to me then coz there was a spare seat next to me or something. I’m not going to take much notice of any of that coz it was Hayley who told me.

I’ve just got back from the Sports Club now. I was with Hayley who keeps apologising for her behaviour last night but she told me that the party made her realise just how much she hated Emma.

I mentioned what Davis and Ewan said about me being fit an she started telling me not to believe a word of it because it was Emma who told me and she’s a liar. Hayley just can’t be please for me, can she?! Why does she have to be so jealous? I can’t agree with her about Emma at all and she knows it puts be in an awkward position when she slags her off like that. It’s as if she’s testing me to see how I’ll react.

When Hayley went to the toilet, Aled and Oscar came in and Oscar was telling me about how worried Hayley was when I went off last night and how she was going round asking everyone if they’d seen me. Worried? Bollocks! Was she heck worried! She was more likely to have been making out that she was the caring friend to gain sympathy and make me look bad. I honestly can’t believe she was genuinely worried about me. It was obvious I was coming back coz my bag was still there and I wasn’t the only one who went anyway.

I remembered before that Ewan was smoking. That’s not good! Although I also remember hearing him say that he wasn’t actually inhaling. I’ve decided I’m not going to get my hopes up about him coz, as usual, it’ll probably only end in me being disappointed again.

BYE!

[Well, I made it through the lot. That was long and boring. Sorry about that!]