Adam has a ‘new love’ – 30th August 1999

Monday 30th Again, I’ve not really done a lot today. I went on the internet to help Abby with her Art work (that’s how bored I was!) and I had a quick chat with a lad called Barney Greer. I used to talk to his mate Adam loads and we even phoned and wrote to each other. We did arrange to meet up in June at Alton Towers but he couldn’t make it in the end. Pretty soon after that we kind of lost touch. I mailed him a few times but he didn’t reply.

Anyway, I also used to talk to Barney a bit and Adam’s mate Ronan but it was Barney who I usually got Adam-related information out of. Today we were just catching up because we’ve not spoken for ages either. He told me he got 4 As, 5 Bs and 3 Cs (I think) in his exams and that he’d been on holiday to Crete with Ronan.

I managed to turn the conversation round onto my holiday so I could tell him all about Duncan. I told Barney in hope that it’d get back to Adam because he probably thinks I miss talking to him or something. Barney then told me that Adam has a ‘new love’ from Manchester who’s 17 and he met her on holiday and Barney’s been told she’s really nice.

I’m ashamed to say I got a slight hint of jealousy when I was told that piece of information but I keep remembering what an ugly creep he really is! Anyhow, I’ve got my own lad now, even though I did leave him behind in Scotland so with any luck, Adam’ll get just a little bit jealous too if he gets to hear about it!

I keep on thinking about Scotland and Duncan and everyone else and what they might be doing. I really want Duncan to make some sort of effort to contact me but I don’t think it’s going to happen. I don’t know whether he’s trying to forget me, he fancies someone else, he only ever wanted a bit of experience with a girl and he doesn’t really care I’ve gone, or what.

It’s really annoying because I’ve got no way of finding out. Rhian’s absolutely hopeless when it comes to getting and telling information so she’s no use. I’ve made the effort to keep in touch by writing and e-mailing him but I’ve not had replies from either. I’m pretty fed up to be honest. It’d be better if I just wasn’t bothered but I bloody well am!

Abby’s found out more info on Ashley. She says he plays for a footy team called ‘The Groats’ or something with Cal Brown. That’s all though.


Little freak! – 29th June 1999

Tuesday 29th I had to go to orchestra rehearsals this afternoon coz Mr P made sure I knew about it. On my way there, Ewan Swann passed me on his bike. He said hi which surprised me a bit.

After orchestra I decided to sit on the tennis courts with Emma. Davis Nolan and his mate Drew from the US (he’s staying for 3 weeks), Kirsty (Davis’s younger but larger sister!), Patrick Campbell and Ed were there too. Drew seemed okay. He was pretty quiet and looked like a cross between Neil Kennedy and Brian Short which isn’t particularly good!

Davis was being pretty nice to me. We never used to get on until recently. I don’t talk to him much but we can control the insults! He’s alright really, I suppose. He started tickling me at one point and I couldn’t stop him coz he’s too strong! Thumping him has no effect except it causes pain in your fists!

I went to the Sports Club with Hayley this evening. Stuart Hobbs, Brian Short and Sam Allsop a.k.a The Brownies (they’re all Venture Scouts or summit and meet with a few others. They’re all a bit sad and girly so ‘Brownies’ is more appropriate!) were there too.

Stuart told me he’s been talking to Paul Nutt and apparently he still fancies me. He told me he’d gone off me for a month or so ‘til now. Before he was apparently insulting me, saying stuff like he doesn’t know why I won’t go out with him coz I can’t afford to be picky seeing as I don’t get a chance with other lads or summit. Little freak!

Stuart also told me that Ken Dronfield was more likely to be lying about that dodgy e-mail than Paul. That’s interesting actually. I wonder who is being truthful.

Stuart also told me that Gethin Turner and Henry Rockwell like me. I think, I hope, he’s making it up!

I read a mail from Adam before. He said he’s been thinking about what we said about him coming here and he might. Only he says he’ll probably come on his own because it might not be as much fun at the cinema with other people hanging around. I don’t want to be on my own with him. It could be awkward or he could be a creep. I’ll try and persuade him to bring a mate.

I’m having doubts about my prom dress for Thursday. I like it but it’s from New Look so someone else is bound to have it. My mum’s added flowers to it but it’s still not obviously different. Too late now though.


EXAMS ARE OVER!!! – 27th & 28th June 1999

Sunday 27th I’ve not really done a lot today coz something’s gone wrong with my neck! Mum says I must have pulled a muscle or something because I can’t tip my head back or turn it to the left without a certain amount of pain!

I went online tonight. I’ve not been on properly for a few days and I thought it was about time I mailed Adam. I’d just started typing it out when I got that woman saying “you have company” or whatever. I expected it to be Barney actually but when I checked it was Adam.

I thought maybe I should ignore him like Hayley suggested but then I decided it wouldn’t be fair seeing as it probably wasn’t actually his fault about Alton Towers. So I said, “Hi”. I got “hey” back so I asked a question but he didn’t answer me for ages so I thought he might be in a mood with me instead for not mailing him or summit.

I was so relieved when he spoke again. I’ve printed out the conversation again coz we got onto the subject of meeting up again and he seemed to quite like the idea of coming here. I couldn’t be bothered writing it all so it’s on there. ↓

[It’s 3 pages and mostly boring but here’s a sample…]



Monday 28th


Yeah! I had my last one this afternoon. It was an hour long Business Studies paper and seemed okay. I also got all my text books handed in so I can get my results in August.

I saw John Baker walked past my house towards his on the other side of the road at about 8:10pm. He’s so nice looking! He was walking his golden labrador type dog and had a bright red fleecy thing on. I’ll have to watch out for him in the future!


That’s right, turd-boy – 24th June 1999

Thursday 24th Well, as my friends arrived one by one around 9:00 this morning, I had to tell them individually that we’d been stood up. I think Sarah L and Hayley were most bothered coz Sarah’s getting desperate and Hayley’s been helping me plan it all. She’s spoken to Adam and seen photos and read letters and stuff so she’s had the build-up and then the let down as well, although maybe she wasn’t quite as pissed off as me!

I printed out the email so I could just show them what he said without giving all the details.


I read it properly again myself and he seems to have explained himself pretty well. I can’t decide if I believe it yet though.

Anyway, we had a pretty good day anyway. We didn’t go on all the rides coz either we ran out of time or someone flatly refused to go on them. We started with the Runaway Train then the River Rapids thing then the teacups. Then we bought McDonald’s except Cat who brought her own lunch.

After lunch we went on Nemesis except Sarah L and Hayley who went to Ugland. We met up and went back to Ugland and went on the swing things then The Corkscrew then the Dinodancers twice while Cat sulked. We then went back on the rapids thing and then we went home.

Cat was sulking coz in the queue for the swing things, some lad had been attempting to spit on his mate who was behind us in the queue but failed to aim it correctly, missed and hit Cat. It landed on her top and she didn’t notice at first. When she did we all started laughing but I was nearest to her so she thumped me on the back. We were all still laughing so she tried to lob the tissue she’d just used to mop the spit up onto me and Hayley.

She could’ve just laughed it off too like Lizzie did when it happened to her but, oh no, Cat had to make it into a big deal. She sulked for an hour or so before giving up as she realised we weren’t intending on giving her any sympathy!

The last time we went on the rapids thing, Hayley spotted some lads ahead of us in the queue looking at us. We kept seeing them after that, waved a bit and exchanged a few glances but that was about it.

I was constantly being told by Hayley to stop whinging about Adam and to stop dancing in the cable cares. I didn’t actually know I was doing either until she pointed them out!


On the way home, I saw a bus. But this wasn’t just any bus, no, this bus had Cheadle on his which isn’t important. What is important is that the bus also had Stoke written on it. And we all should know by now who lives there. That’s right, turd-boy. Sorry, Adam. I really wanted him to come and I couldn’t help sighing heavily as I saw that bus go past!!

It didn’t seem that hard to get to Alton Towers actually. It took us about 1 hour 20 mins which wasn’t as long as I expected. I also saw that X39 bus or summit which was the one we’d have to get if we got the train coz it’s a daily service to Alton Towers I think.

I’m tired now and my sunburn’s hurting. I’ve never had it this badly before!


I have finally completed failing Science – 22nd & 23rd June 1999

Tuesday 22nd I had my Science module test this morning so now I have finally completed failing Science! Chemistry was solid, Physics was hard and Biology seemed okay.

One more day to go to Alton Towers now. Adam’s still not mailed me back but I’ve just spoken to Barney and he says he’ll phone him tomorrow and he’ll try and get him online at about 2:00pm. If I don’t speak to them then were meeting at 11:00am and one of them should have mailed me by then anyway although I’m not counting on it!!

I’ve got a weird feeling. I just don’t feel contented. I don’t think it’s the Alton Towers thing, I think it’s just coz I’m out of a normal routine and I feel guilty that my parents keep taxiing me around everywhere and are paying for trips and stuff. I dunno. Weird.

Speaking of weird, I was playing football in the garden with the dog and all of a sudden she just stopped and stared over at the back, way out of the garden. I just felt the urge to run so I did. Nothing happened, it just felt really strange, like something was watching.

You know how I said that ‘Sweet Like Chocolate’ song reminded me of the last day, Ollie etc? Well, on the video there are two chocolate boys, one of which is short and seems to be wearing a hat. Well, it really reminds me of Ollie! Oh dear!


P.S. That disappointed feeling I said I had feels more like sadness now. I feel like I should be with my family, like I’m not seeing enough of them, like I need a hug from them all. What if I can sort of sense that something bad’s going to happen to one of us sometime soon? I don’t like it.

Wednesday 23rd I got greeted by an e-mail entitled “Bad news…” when I got online this evening. It was from Adam, telling me how he was really sorry but none of his mates could make it and he didn’t really want to come on his own with 5 girls. Liar! Barney was up for it coz I was speaking to him. Talk about leaving it until the last minute!

Then he came online, apologised, told me not to make him feel guilty (I was trying to!) and then left. Little bastard!! All this worrying I’ve been doing seems to have been for nothing. I’m so annoyed and extremely disappointed. I’m not going to be able to tell my friends until tomorrow morning either. I don’t think they’ll be too pleased.

I want to cry but I’m way too pissed off! I feel even more guilty about getting my dad to take us coz I don’t really want to go myself anymore. It’s not like there’ll be other lads either coz it’s a week day. I’m not sure how I’m going to react to Adam now, although it’s unlikely I’ll ever get to see him.

I saw little owl chicks today. We were walking Mollie and one was sat on a fence post and flew off and another was almost totally camouflaged on the soil in the field and just sat there watching us before running off. They were lovely!


This time next week I’ll be dead in a ditch – 17th June 1999

Thursday 17th I was doing a bit of Business Studies revision online and I came across this in the marketing section, I think. ↓


My mum says it might be a good omen but I’m not so sure!!

Just think, by this time next Thursday anything could’ve happened. I should have been to Alton Towers to meet Adam and his lot but summit might happen so I can’t go or maybe I’ll chicken out of meeting him.

Maybe I will go anyway but I still won’t see him coz something’s happened to him or he’s chickened out!

Maybe I will go and I will see him and we won’t get on and by this time next week I’ll be dead in a ditch somewhere or lying in hospital.

Maybe we’ll decide we never want to speak to each other again or maybe we won’t want to leave each other.

Whatever’s going to happen, it’s a scary thought not knowing. I really don’t know what to expect. There are so many things that could go on and I suppose I’ll just have to wait and see!


Friday 18th Oh well, so much for the good omen! That Business Studies paper was solid. I seriously think I’ve failed!

After the exam, Lizzie and Sarah both came back to my house again so they could get changed for going to LA Bowl. We got a bus and met Oscar Price, Aled B, Sean Fields, Dev W, Zack Bain, Julian O and Freda there. It’s a good job it was quiet coz I would have been so embarrassed if anyone I knew saw me with some of those people! Some are so sad! I know it’s snidey but it’s true!

I surprised myself yet again by actually doing quite well. My first two goes were both strikes!

After that, we hung around the arcades for a bit, went to KFC and then got the bus home. Lizzie, Sarah, me and Oscar stayed in his village for a bit then came back to my house. My parents didn’t seem too suspicious about the lad but I think my mum had seen Lizzie and him holding hands. (They still haven’t snogged yet!)


He wanted to cyber with me!! – 14th & 15th June 1999

Monday 14th I had my last Science exam (except for the modules) today. It was quite hard but I was expecting it to be. It didn’t help that I was knackered either due to lack of sleep last night coz I was thinking too much, mostly about Alton Towers. Cat told me this morning that her dad wouldn’t mind taking us either coz he likes it there. The only thing is that we might keep bumping into him which I wouldn’t mind coz it’s an excuse to keep any unwanted lads off me!

I phoned Adam this afternoon. He wasn’t anything like how he was online last night. As usual, he seemed nice enough although, as usual, he started slurring words so I couldn’t tell what he was saying. Some bloke then needed the phone and there was no-one in a Hayley’s house so we told him to phone there.

He did. We talked about boring stuff really. Exams, what parties we were going to after exams and stuff like that. Apparently he told Hayley that Ronan really liked her. We arranged to meet by that frog thing at the Towers but we’ve not sorted a time yet. He said about 10 of his mates are coming. That’s not good! We’re gonna be really outnumbered!

We said we’d talk online at 9:30 tonight. I went on but he wasn’t there though. Ronan came on. He asked who I’d been talking to then if I was talking to anyone now and then he went. I dunno what all that was about!


P.S. Adam also told me that he couldn’t sleep last night either and that he woke up 4 times. He didn’t say why though.

Tuesday 15th I never have to do a Maths exam again, well, not unless I fail and have to re-sit it!! The paper was harder than last time but still pretty simple.

After the exam I went to the bakery with Lizzie B, Sarah L and Freda and as we walked past Oscar’s house we could see him and his mates inside. They must have seen us coz minutes later they were walking behind us!

Lizzie and I went in the newsagent’s and they came in then we went in the bakery and so did they. I then went to Mum’s primary school and, much to my surprise (coz I thought they’d follow Lizzie), so did they! I think they were going to Aled’s house coz he lives up there somewhere.

Also on my way to the primary school I got another unexpected but nice surprise. I was just walking past the Italian and I looked up to see Ewan Swann sat on the pavement under the bus stop sign. I thought he was going to ignore me but instead he smiled and waved! That’s not really good actually coz I kind of like him again and I don’t want to really coz I don’t think he likes me back, he just likes to have someone liking him.

I went online again tonight. Adam was on again and so was Ronan. I didn’t get the usual ‘hiya’ or ‘hi’ greeting from Ronan tonight, instead I got “Hey baby!” I’m not quite sure what to make of that! Then later on I asked what he was doing and he said he was having cybersex with the same person as Adam. I didn’t react coz I thought it might just be to try and make me jealous.

Then later he wanted to cyber with me!! As usual, I squirmed my way out of giving an answer by gradually changing the subject! I thought maybe Adam had told him to say that so he could see how I would react so it’s a good job I didn’t say yes. It might not have been but Ronan’s not normally like that with me!