I’m paranoid!! I can’t help it!! – 12th June 2000

Monday 12th I spoke to Miranda again very briefly this morning. I asked if she’d spoken to Robbie and how he was. She told me she had and that he seemed okay. At that point, I should’ve walked off faster cos she said that Robbie had told her something about Jake and what he drops in the bath. Her friend then put her hand over Miranda’s mouth and told her not to say anything cos it’s disgusting and would put me off. I told her to tell me anyway cos I’d be wondering what she was going to say for ages otherwise. She made me promise not to say anything and then told me that Jake leaves hairs in the bath and also on his wooden bedroom floor with bits from his feet! Yuk!! I’ll remember that if I ever want to put myself off the lad!

I had a conversation with Philip Daly this morning too. He was just saying how Floyd’s having a party at the weekend and stuff. At least he doesn’t think I hate him anymore!

Jake only came after college today so I only got about an hour with him before he went round to Gethin’s for tea. He said if he’d gone home he’d only have had to make his brother’s tea as well as his own and his sister only eats about 3 different things which makes it difficult!

We did some quiz out of the newspaper on him and it turned out as saying he’s “somewhat feminine”!

The fact the Jake and Gethin have become such good mates is nice cos it’s better than him not getting on with my friends but it also worries me greatly! When I’m not there, I know they discuss things that they wouldn’t when I’m around! I’m a bit bothered that Gethin interfering might push Jake into taking things further with me cos it’ll shut Gethin up, rather than cos he wants to. I’m also worried that he’ll discuss stuff we’ve already done and assess it or something!

Okay, so I’m paranoid!! I can’t help it!!



Trouser equipment models – 10th & 11th June 2000

Saturday 10th I got a message from Jake this morning saying he’d been to Manchester. I think I remember him saying he was going for stuff for his Europe train thing. I don’t want him to go there either, although I don’t want to stop him!

Hayley phoned before. I said something about Jake not wanting to stay at home last night and she asked if it was his mum was worse or something. I ended up telling her what’s happened cos she’s known she’s been ill and, again, I didn’t want to lie. I still feel like I shouldn’t have said anything though.


Sunday 11th Mum took me, Cat and Lizzie to the Sheffield Hallam open day. We got a puncture on the M62 and had to wait about 30 mins for the AA. We were 9 miles from Huddersfield (nearest place) and the AA man was from there (he said it’s good for nights out!). Mum reckons it’s a sign I should go there! At this point in time, I hope I can!

We finally arrived at Sheffield. I didn’t like the actual place much but the Collegiate Crescent campus is really nice. I think, so far, it’s my second choice after Huddersfield (if I have a choice).

We met up with an old friend of Cat’s called Claire. She seems nice. We wandered round, went to the Physiotherapy lecture then came home. I’ve decided I’m not that bothered if I don’t get to do Physiotherapy anymore.

I cut this out of a newspaper magazine cos I thought it was a bit odd the way at which some of it links with each other. →


Jake’s Libra, I’m Scorpio, by the way. It’s probably bollocks and they probably all link if you think about them enough but never mind!

Gethin was telling me on the phone today that on Friday before we went out, Jake had been reading an FHM magazine. Apparently he’s spent most of his time looking at an article on some woman that makes blokes’ trouser equipment models out of clay and also an article on how to improve your kissing!

It’s the kissing one that interested me most cos Gethin said it was stuff about kissing necks and ears, and something about top and bottom lips. I did actually notice that Jake’s been kissing my neck and ears more recently! I’d rather he didn’t but I wonder if it FHM thing is why!!

Gethin also keeps going on about how I should get a cowboy hat etc. cos it’d really make Jake happy and that he’d do anything for me if I wore the gear! Gethin’s beginning to annoy me now by keeping on saying it but I have to say, if I had money, I’d be tempted to spend it on that!!


He’s just got good taste, that’s all!! – 6th & 7th June 2000

Tuesday 6th Well, I successfully failed my first Biology module exam this afternoon! Hardly any of the stuff I’d revised was on the bloody paper! Typical!! I’ll just have to re-sit!

I need to see Jake! I just want a hug and a decent kiss off him! The problem is, 4 days is nothing compared to how long we’re going to be apart in the future! He sent Gethin a message today which included the words, “I MISS TESS!” Actually, that could’ve been one that he sent him last night that Gethin just decided to show me.

I found out that Philip Daly (Floyd’s brother in Year 7!) has admitted he’s bisexual and that he fancies Jake. I felt really sorry for him cos he’s been worrying that I hate him cos of that so I made sure I let him know that I didn’t! He’s just got good taste, that’s all!!

I’ve been reading the leaflet that came with the Dianette. There are tons of side effects. They’re all horrible blood clot things, weight gain, severe depression and stuff! I’m a bit worried actually!


Wednesday 7th I was reunited with Jake again today! 🙂 There’s not really much to tell though. I only got quick kisses, no snogs, but at least I saw him! He had a Physics exam this afternoon (which he came out of saying he’d failed! I know the feeling!!) so he was revising this morning. There was one section in his textbook that involved the name ‘Bond’ and the word ‘tesla’ (whatever that is!) and he said he can remember that bit because it’s like Lizzie Bond and me!

Abby’s now going out with Connor Benson from kickboxing. His best mate, Chris T from kickboxing who she originally fancied, doesn’t know yet! I sense trouble! Wonder why?!



We bought knickers and went back to the balcony – 30th & 31st May 2000

Tuesday 30th to Wednesday 31st Jake, Gethin, Hayley, Sarah and I all went for a trip to the Trafford Centre on Tuesday. My mum gave us all a lift there because Jake’s car had been in the garage. That part I wasn’t particularly looking forward to cos I thought my mum’d say something to embarrass me in front of Jake! In actual fact, it wasn’t too bad! Everyone kept pretty quiet!

Gethin was the one who really led the shopping trip cos the rest of us have no money so we just followed him about. He wanted a sarong to wear as a joke on the next Swing Band trip but couldn’t find one so then he moved onto cowboy hats in Topshop. He kept putting them on me, Sarah and Hayley, and then when we’d gone out of the shop, he and Jake were sort of whispering behind us and eventually said they’d buy cowboy hats for me and Sarah.

We thought that was a great idea until we realised it was a bit odd. We eventually got it out of Jake that both of them had ‘a thing’ about cowboy hats on girls! He said it’s really the only thing they’ve got in common! I also found out later that Jake likes the whole cowgirl look. I assume he means with hat, boots and probably like the suede bra thing with a fringe that I tried on in Topshop before I realised what was going on! He didn’t see me in that though.

We next took a trip into Boots to get a photo done in the booth of all 5 of us. →


We didn’t want crappy little ones so we tortured ourselves by getting 5 separate big ones done so we could all have a decent sized one! It got very hot and sweaty in there and also very painful after a while!

Sarah and Hayley went off for a drink in Starbucks so I followed the lads. I kept losing Jake to any Quiksilver stuff! He’s so sad! He was looking at the most hideous shirt I’ve ever seen (bright orange with flowery things) and it was surrounded by perfectly nice shirts which he just ignored!

We eventually joined the others in Starbucks and sat on the table in the corner of the balcony. Hayley started to cry and said she wanted to go to New Look so, stupidly, I agreed to go with her. All I got was, “Oh, Andy, Andy, Andy!!” and “Why does he hate me?” you know, the usual stuff that I have to hear about 50 times a day!

We bought knickers and went back to the balcony. Then Sarah wanted to go to the same shop so I went again. She bought a cowboy hat and we went back to the lads. By then they’d overdosed on caffeine and Jake kept trying to make me wear the hat!

After that, we headed for the bus station. Hayley was whinging that she was a gooseberry again and that she’s on her own in the group cos there’s me and Jake, Gethin and Sarah, and Floyd and Cat (sort of!). Jake said something like, “I’ll have you!” He was joking (I think!) but it annoyed me cos it gave Hayley a smug smile.

I got pissed off on the way back too cos when we were waiting for a bus, Gethin sat between me and Jake, and then on the bus Hayley sat next to me.

We went back to the bus station near Jake’s so he could pick up his car and take us all back to Hayley’s village. I didn’t realise that it’d involve having to go in his house but it did! He’s got a nice house and a nice bedroom which makes mine look like a right tip! He’s got a dead good new mobile now which was on his bed. His new number’s 07989 ******.

I also had a look at his skis when he was taking them downstairs to show some woman who was talking to his dad. While he was gone, I noticed he had all my Valentine’s stuff that I gave to him and my postcard from skiing all on one shelf. He’s also got a toy bunny called Thumper in his bed (he tried to hide it!) and an old hedgehog puppet!

When we were downstairs in the kitchen, his dad came in to talk to us. He seems okay. Actually, he reminded me of Hugo a bit but I won’t be telling Jake that!

When Jake dropped me off at home so I could pick up my stuff for staying at Gethin’s, my dad came home and spoke to him briefly about his Beetle. That wasn’t too embarrassing either!

We had a good night at Gethin’s, except for Hayley who was constantly miserable and ended up in a mood with me cos I shouted at her to stop being so pathetic! She didn’t like to hear that!! I also had a good long chat with Lizzie cos she’s upset about Sarah and Hayley being bitchy towards her. I told her they’re totally out of order (which they are) and to at least try and ignore them cos she’s got plenty of other friends.

I was on the sofa with Jake for a long time and he kept trying to make me wear the hat again! He said he doesn’t know why he likes them! It was really nice just sitting there with him for that long. He’s recently taken to sucking my fingers if they go anywhere near his mouth (dunno why!) and I discovered that he likes having the back of his neck stroked.

Hayley’s departing words to me were, “It’s so nice to know who your friends are!” so I told her to fuck off and enjoyed the rest of the night! A good part of it was taken up with everyone slagging off Hayley which made me feel a bit less guilty when I realised I’m not the only one who really can’t stand her at the moment!

Eventually, Jake and I ended up lying on Gethin’s brother’s bed where we’d been told we could sleep. We were mostly just snogging but then…

[Really sorry everyone but I censored this bit before I went to uni for fear of my mum finding and reading my diaries whilst I was away. I’d done it on previous entries but can normally read through the black marker if I hold it up to the light. Unfortunately I did too good a job of crossing this bit out. I’ll try and read it in the daylight over the weekend but, to give you the gist for now, we both got up to number 3 of the Snogging Code if I remember rightly.]


… barbeque ribs! I don’t think he saw anything!

We ate them all and cleaned up afterwards and then got back to kissing. I didn’t think anything else was going to happen with us cos he was making no attempt to try anything so I did! This time, I think stuff went over Gethin’s bro’s bed but then I wasn’t sure what stains were there already! The rest of the night passed leaving me wanting to crunch ice cubes and peel labels off bottles!

We both got a bit of sleep and then just lay there cuddling for hours in the morning. I really do love him.



I hid under my umbrella – 26th May 2000

Friday 26th I had a doctor’s appointment this morning cos my skin seems to be going bad again. I also asked him about a rash I seem to have on my head which is making my hair come out more than normal but he said it’s nothing to worry about cos I’ve got really healthy hair!

For my skin though, he’s decided to change from my usual antibiotics to a contraceptive pill. It begins with a D but I can’t remember the name. I’m just a bit worried about some of the side effects it might have. We’ll have to wait and see, I suppose.

I walked to the doctor’s this morning and on my way past school I saw Jake’s car with someone that looked like him leaning on the passenger side, looking in. I hid under my umbrella cos I had no make-up on and didn’t want him to see me! I don’t know if it was even him cos I’m sure he had a Geography exam on.

Hayley, Sarah, Gethin, Jake and I all went to The Dog tonight. It was pretty similar to last week really, with Gethin and Sarah getting on well, Jake and I cuddling each other and chatting, and Hayley sat in the corner looking thoroughly miserable and playing Snake on Sarah’s phone. Every so often, Hayley’d say, “I knew it’d be like this! I shouldn’t have come!” Too right she shouldn’t!! We can do without her trying to make us all feel guilty and bring us down to her sad, depressed gooseberry level!!

Yet again, Jake let me paint his nails and (eventually!) let me put a bit of purple hair mascara on him. It didn’t show up though. We discovered we both had Gul watched and that, before he got his Quiksilver strap, it’d been one the same as mine, only blue. I nearly got the blue strap with my watch too rather than my yellow one. For some reason, we swapped straps and I’ve still got his now!

We also discovered that we both used to suck our thumb up until about the last year of primary school, except he sucked his right one and I sucked my left. That led us onto the subject of teeth because we’d both stopped sucking our thumbs in time to prevent our teeth sticking out too far (according to our dentists)! I then started telling him why I’ve got gaps in my teeth (one tooth lying horizontally in my gum) and how my dentist had wanted me to have an operation and then a brace to sort them all out. Jake said, “It just wouldn’t be you” if I’d changed. Course it would, I’d just have straighter teeth! We then started talking about how we’d never had dummies cos our parents hadn’t liked them! We have some strange conversations!

At some point, he said something about me having nice big eyes or something. Also, he said I can have the video of him when he was little with a Brummie accent!! I’m pretty sure he’ll change his mind about lending me that!

We all walked back to Hayley’s village. We stopped at the Chinese in my village and then at my house to eat it and my dad came home. It wasn’t too embarrassing actually!

Jake and I also kept stopping to kiss. Apparently Hayley wasn’t too pleased but Sarah and Gethin snogged while they were waiting for us to catch up so I don’t think they minded!

Jake and I have decided to swap fleeces when he goes to Canada. I’m having his sheep fleece and he can have my Fila one!

Yet again though tonight, we didn’t get any further than kissing. I mean, we both had cold hands and there wasn’t really a good situation for us to do anything more. I don’t really mind though. I like being with him so I don’t mind what does or doesn’t happen anymore.


P.S. I got one nice message off him but I fell asleep after that! He’d sent me one earlier, signing it off as “xTx” so I asked if that was deliberate. He said, “SORRY! GOT MIXED UP! IT’S COS I’M THINKING ABOUT YOU SO MUCH! WANT YOU AND YOUR FLEECE HERE! YOU’RE NO USE IN YOUR BED ARE YOU?! LOVE YOU TOO : ) xJx (GOT IT!!)”.


Distressed moody gooseberry – 25th May 2000

Thursday 25th Jake had a General Studies exam this morning so I didn’t see him then but he stayed in college all afternoon with me. He’s recently gone a lot more sort of cuddly. I don’t mean he’s put on weight or anything, it’s just that he holds my hand and leans on me and cuddles me much more in front of people in the common room whereas he used to just sit on a chair next to me! I much prefer it how he is now!! I think I’ve said all that actually.

Hayley, Georgia, Rach, Lena, Gethin, Jake and I all went to Altrincham Ice Rink tonight because we’re not in college tomorrow (inset day). Jake’s quite a good skater and I’m not bad either (meaning I stay upright!) so we just skated round together or stood cuddling by the barrier. He had no gloves so his hands were freezing so he put them down the back of my jeans. I liked that cos that’s what you tend to see real couples doing sometimes, know what I mean?!

Hayley had a bit of a strop at one point (we expect it at some point now, EVERY TIME she comes out with us). This time it was because Rach, Gethin and Lena were getting a taxi home earlier cos they wanted to call in on Brian’s little gathering. Hayley then thought that they were trying to persuade Georgia to go with them (they weren’t) so she thought she’d “get stuck” with me and Jake and be “made to feel like a gooseberry”.

I don’t know if she realises it but everyone is getting so sick of her being a pathetic moody little cow! Rach said, “Hayley’s being so childish” so Georgia then said, “She is, isn’t she?! Wish me luck!” and then bombed it over the ice to have a go at Hayley! I think it worked, whatever Georgia said, but then when Georgia snogged some lad, Hayley did her distressed moody gooseberry thing again!

On the way home, Jake actually took everyone else before me for a change and then asked if I wanted to go somewhere else other than home. I just said I might as well go home cos I didn’t think that not going home would’ve meant longer with him. (I was tired, okay?! My brain wasn’t working properly!) I don’t know where he’d have taken me though. We did end up stopping in The Green Dragon car park so we had a good long snog! That kept me satisfied!



We started flashing our underwear – 20th May 2000

Saturday 20th We all thought last night was going to be really crap but it turned out to be quite good!

Jake’s dad dropped him, Gethin and Hayley off at my house (Sarah was already here) and we just sat about for a while, waiting for a bus to take us to The Dog. I let Jake in my bedroom while I looked for something, even though it’s a complete tip! He said he thought his room was bad until he saw mine! Thanks!! I just had to keep explaining that it’s only a mess cos I’ve not had time to tidy it recently!

We snogged on the landing outside my bedroom door before going back downstairs to get the bus.

I showed them some little drawing my dad had done of someone stabbing the little cartoon taxman on some leaflet which they found amusing. We were then talking about names. Jake said that if he’d been a girl he’d have been called Abby and I told him I was nearly called Clara. They’re our sister’s names! Then we discovered that the 19th June is Jake’s mum’s birthday and it’s my dad’s birthday too! We’ve decided we were destined for each other!

When we arrived at The Dog it was really busy and we were greeted with a hug off Matt Carrera! We sent Jake off to get drinks and we found a seat. When he came back, he told me that Matt had said I’m “a bit of a piece” and that he used to fancy me at primary school! That’s odd cos I went through a stage of fancying him at primary school too when I used to walk round to school with him, Zoe and Megan Quinn!

There was a point when we started flashing our underwear at each other! Jake had Tommy Hilfiger undies on!

We had a good long conversation with each other about stuff. I mentioned about going to Huddersfield and asked him what he thought about us going to the same place. He likes the idea and told me that quite a few of the couples in his year are going to the same universities. He then started telling me that you’re allowed mixed quarters there!

He told me that he was going to do photography and also looked at the environment courses or something but has now definitely decided on architecture.

Skiing and Canada came up again as usual. He’s only actually been skiing 3 times before. I thought he’d been more than that. He said that he only decided to go to Canada because there was no reason for him to stay here but he doesn’t want to go as much now cos of me. He said if we’d have got together earlier he might only have gone for 7 weeks or not at all.

Then we started talking about how long we’d liked each other for. I said I’d liked him since the October LA Bowl trip but, in actual fact, I’ve only liked him on and off since then. He said he liked me before that trip but didn’t say when.

Lara Beale then got into the conversation. I think he said she’s the only other proper girlfriend he’s had but I’m not sure. He was telling me that it was totally different between them than it is between us because he only really fancied her. He said he was never this soppy with her!

He said he’s never been in love before, until me! He also told me that he doesn’t ever want to split up and he can’t ever see himself with anyone other than me. I told him the same thing cos, at the moment, it’s perfectly true! I’m pretty sure I do love him now! I don’t think I could possibly like him any more than I do now!

We ended up walking back to Hayley’s village to walk her home but I didn’t mind. We stopped off at my house to get Hayley a pair of trainers and a jumper and Jake my blue Fila fleece. It looked really nice on him! He kept telling me it was really nice because it smelled of me.


Jake robbing my Fila fleece.

The other 3 got quite far ahead cos Jake and I kept stopping to kiss. We stopped on Crow Bridge and then by the railings on the corner before Crofters Lane. While we were kissing there, we could hear some bird or something squeaking in the field so we used that as an excuse to go through the path in the trees to find out what it was! [It’ll have been an oystercatcher.] We stopped in the field on the other side of the little bridge and kissed and hugged for ages.

He said he didn’t understand why I liked him and told me that he’s not sure why he first started liking me and said he only really noticed what a nice figure I had and how nice looking I was when he started going out with me. I’m not sure whether to be flattered about that or not! I think he meant it in a nice way!

I kept getting phone calls off Sarah telling us to hurry up (when in actual fact she wanted us to take our time so she could get longer with Gethin!) cos Hayley wanted to get home.

The next place we stopped was by the layby outside school. I had really cold hands so I put them up his shirt to keep them warm. I’ve discovered he’s very ticklish!

We met Sarah and Gethin by the bench outside school on the corner near Wythenshaw Lane. By then I had my hands down the front of his trousers but only at the top (not near anything!) to stop him complaining I was tickling him! Unfortunately, the taxi was quick to arrive. We sat in the back and Sarah sat in the front so we could hold hands. He ended up resting my hand near the top of his leg but, of course, on the outside of his clothes!

When I got in the house after saying goodbye to Jake, Sarah told me she’d snogged Gethin so was pleased we’d been taking our time walking towards them. Then Abby got in from her night out in town. She’s deliriously happy because Chris T from kickboxing was there and she snogged him and he’s given her his phone number and said to ring him at 2:00pm on Monday! He lives on Pig Lane in Woolston.

I got some nice messages off Jake when I got in bed. He sent the first one saying it’s been a good night so I sent him one agreeing and saying at least we got to be alone for a bit and he said, “I KNOW! BUT WITHOUT THE NETTLES! OH AND COLD HANDS! I KNOW I SAY THIS EVERY WEEK BUT I WANT YOU IN MY BED NOW!! P.S. YOU’RE NOT GETTING THIS FLEECE BACK! LOVE xJx”.


I asked what he was planning to do instead of sleeping and he replied, “OH THIS AND THAT! : ) I WANT TO BE WITH YOU BECAUSE I LOVE YOU AND WANT TO HOLD YOU AND TOUCH YOU ALL THE TIME! KEEPING WARM IS ONE OF THE MANY BENEFITS : ) xJx”.

This morning, I woke up to find my phone in my hand with a half written message to Jake on the screen! I must have fallen asleep mid-message! I sent him a message telling him that and asking how he was and if I’ll get my fleece back. He replied, “AAH YOU’RE SO CUTE! I’M FINE! : ) IN FACT I’M MORE THAN FINE – I’M REALLY HAPPY! : ) THIS WEEK’S BEEN REALLY GOOD – WE’VE SEEN A LOT OF EACH OTHER! I’LL THINK ABOUT IT! xJx”. I think he means he’ll think about giving me my fleece back!

I’ve remembered other stuff about last night. He kept making really happy sort of sighing noises whenever we were on our own or kissing and he kept putting his finger on my nose every time I put my hands on his back or said something cheeky and stuff. Oh God, he’s so nice!!

The other weird coincidence was that Jake and I used to ride the same horse at the riding stables. It was called Taffy. I did it when I was at primary school though but he did at high school.