We all think that’s bollocks – 6th February 2001

Tuesday 6th
8 weeks + 2 days to go!

I did get an email back off Jake! 🙂 I was relieved I’d got one because I’m still bothered about the snowboarding thing! All morning I felt like I was about to cry any second! I was okay later on though!

Declan’s dumped Lizzie! We all thought it’d be the other way around! He’s not given her a proper reason for it. All he said was that it wasn’t the right time or something. We all think that’s bollocks and that lesbian Kim’s got something to do with it cos he used to fancy her and probably still does, even though she had a girlfriend not that long ago.

Jake phoned me at about 6:15pm today. I was expecting him to ring at about 7:30 like he said he would so it was a nice surprise. It turned out he was having a day off cos it’s apparently -40oC and he’s got a cold and is aching all over so I got to have a nice long conversation with him!

He said he only did one hour of snowboarding and he’s doing another hour tomorrow and then that’s it. He told me he might not do Level 2 of this course cos it costs more money and he doesn’t think he’s good enough so he says he’s probably going to do some avalanche course, a first aid course and then shadow some instructors for the last 6 weeks.

He told me that he’s put some of the photos of me in a picture frame that’s above his bed and that quite a few people have seen them. I don’t want anyone to see them cos they’re horrible photos! He won’t take them down though cos he said he likes being able to see me in the morning and stuff. He also told me that I’m pretty which is why he first started liking me before he knew me! Hah!

He kept telling me that he loves me 🙂 and that he really misses me too. Good!


Today’s emails →

06-02-01 Jake email06-02-01 Tess email


He ended up totally bladdered – 2nd February 2001

Friday 2nd
8 weeks + 6 days to go!

Nothing much happened in college today except for Rory and Gethin competing for attention! They’re so alike and it’s so annoying! One of Rory’s little attention stunts was giving everyone stickers. Other people joined in then and I got given this one by Robbie Taylor! →

I want you! Now!

I don’t think anything was meant by it cos he’d done lots beforehand and I just happened to get that one!

Tonight got a bit interesting actually. I think I’ve said what happened pretty much in my mail to Jake [see below today’s “Bye!”] so I can’t be bothered writing it all out now!

I was getting on with Robbie T quite well and he said he’s going to speak to me more often in college. He ended up totally bladdered by the time we got back to Declan’s house and that’s when he started confessing stuff, like the fact he read the long letter Jake gave me before he went.

At the time, I wasn’t that bothered that he’d read it cos I was a bit on the drunk side of things myself but, now I think about it, there’s no way he should’ve read it. It was completely private and there’s no excuse for reading it at all. Fair enough if it hadn’t been obvious who it was to then he could’ve read it to find out but that wasn’t the case.

It also upset me a bit when Robbie told me his dad doesn’t like me. I mean, I didn’t burst into tears over it but it’s hurt my feelings a bit to hear that cos I don’t know what I’ve done. Robbie said it’s cos I never say hi or anything to his dad but that’s bollocks cos I do! He was really pissed when he told me this and wasn’t making much sense but surely he wouldn’t have said it without a reason. Something must have been said to trigger it.

Ooh, I forgot, Jake phoned at about 4:45pm today and just told me about a few more injuries that have occurred and talked about going on holiday again.

I’ve just remembered something else Robbie said. When we were in The Crow pub (before he got leathered!), out of the blue he turned to me and said, “Oh, Tessa. My dad said he sends his regards and says that Jake got done for speeding.” I don’t understand why he’d have said that to me! To be honest, at the time I thought it sounded like a sarcastic comment so maybe he doesn’t like me cos he thinks somehow I’m the cause of Jake getting caught by speed cameras. Maybe it’s cos he always gets really high phone bills for his mobile too because he’s always texting me but then Jake always reassures me that his dad doesn’t mind.

I just don’t get why he doesn’t like me! 😦


Today’s emails →

02-02-01 Jake email02-02-01 Tess email 102-02-01 Tess email 2

Halfway up the hill – 1st February 2001

Thursday 1st
9 weeks to go!

It was boring at college again today and then I had to walk home and it was absolutely freezing!

It’s a good job I set off walking cos I might have missed Jake’s phone call if I’d waited for a lift from Mum. He explained to me about the conversation he’d mentioned in his email about relationships. He said they just asked him how long we’d been going out and then this guy said he’s been separated from a long term girlfriend when he went to uni so they only got to see each other at the weekends. Apparently they didn’t split up because of it.

I then suggested that I went somewhere other than Huddersfield Uni but Jake said he wouldn’t want that. 🙂 Good! Neither would I!

Then we got talking about Barcelona. I haven’t got round to looking for accommodation yet and Jake said he’s not got much time to do it. So, because I was a bit pissed off I suggested we just don’t bother going. He didn’t like the idea and started saying he’ll find the time to sort it out. We both really want to go so we finally agreed that if one of us finds somewhere we’ll let the other one know about it so we can check it out and decide either yes/no/maybe!

I do wish he was here because half the fun of a holiday is planning it so you can look forward to it but I want us to be able to do that together. I really hate him not being here. I love him too much for this!

Sarah pointed out a good way of thinking about how long Jake’s gone for. I told her that he’s been gone 3 weeks now and that’s quarter of the time he’ll be gone altogether. A quarter didn’t really sound much to me but Sarah said to think of it as being halfway up the hill!


It sounds (and looks) better, doesn’t it?!


Today’s emails →

01-02-01 Jake email01-02-01 Tess email

How far did she think that was going to go??! – 30th January 2001

Tuesday 30th
9 weeks + 2 days to go!

I have had such a bad day today! Nothing majorly terrible went wrong, it’s just been loads of little things that have built up over the day and have finally reduced me to tears this evening.

I mean, the main reason I’m not as happy as I could be at the moment is, obviously, that Jake’s so far away for so long.

Then on top of that, our holiday plans fell through but I suppose we are still going anyway, as long as he gets back alive and in one piece and I stay alive and in one piece!

Then there have been all these other people pairing off (e.g. Dec and Lizzie) and normally I’d be happy for them (I am really) but it does sort of keep reminding me of the fact I’m on my own.

Anyway, today seemed to start okay apart from the rain but once I got to college, I didn’t know what to say to Sarah and it was a bit awkward at first until the subject of her not telling Cat about Barcelona came up. Then I just found myself getting annoyed with her which made matters worse cos she then started apologising loads which just irritated me even more!

Then Rachael Hollins started telling us about the latest Hayley stuff with her (she hates Rach now too!) and Sarah started saying how she knows Hayley’s a pain and that Hayley’s been a bitch to her too but it’s just “easier” to be nice to her. That annoyed me too cos people being soft is what Hayley relies on to keep herself in with groups of people. I mean, I know Sarah can’t help being nice, and that’s a good thing, but I can see her letting Hayley become a good friend again and then sooner or later falling out with her and getting upset all over again. Hayley’s not worth that!

The next thing to annoy me was Cat when we were checking our e-mails. I had one and she didn’t so she sat looking over my shoulder saying how unfair it is that I get e-mails nearly every day, and long ones at that, and nobody else gets any. Why shouldn’t I?! She makes me feel guilty though cos I know how I’d feel if it was the other way round but then would she be bothered about me like that?

Next thing to happen was in McDonald’s. I bought a supersize meal with tonnes of chips, only to discover after I’d paid that there was no barbeque sauce! So, instead, the stroppy bitch behind the counter gave me ONE crappy little sachet of ketchup!

How far did she think that was going to go??!

I asked for some more so she gave me about 15 of them! Stupid cow! Not only is it cheap, crappy ketchup but it’s not even in little pots anymore so you have to squeeze it onto something in order to dip your chips in it!

Then, in the car on the way back, Lizzie bloody Bond squirted the contents of her inhaler into my left eye! It wasn’t like it was an accident either! She’s been pissing about with it for ages and then did that to gain a bit of attention, I suppose! Well, she got some bloody attention alright! I didn’t know I had it in me to growl “WHAT?!?” so loudly when she asked me some inane question about something outside the car!

When we got back to college, I then had the ‘pleasure’ of being forced to watch Lizwad and Declan slobbering all over each other! She drags him over to where there’s a large group of people so they can snog and stuff, rather than move to a quiet corner. It’s just to show each other off and rub it in a bit more!

Not only that but when Dec was over the other side of the room, Lizwad was sat all over Gethin then Karen then Dougie and then Robbie Taylor, even when he was sat next to Emma!

The day at college was almost over when I made the mistake of saying my watch strap smells of Jake (I sprayed I with his aftershave!) to Sarah. If she’d have rolled her eyes any more, they’d have disappeared into the back of her head forever!

I couldn’t believe it! I mention him once and I get a reaction like that after I’ve sat through hours of her going on + on + on + on + on + on + on about her ‘Mazzles’! I did have a bit of a go at her and then went quiet before getting “Ooooh, moody!” off bloody Cat! Oh, and she never goes on about Mr L, does she?! Hah, like fuck she doesn’t! Cat is also pretty well known for her mood swings so has no right to call me moody!

After college, I had to put up with Swing Band. Mr P had a go at me and Emma for chatting and then we played the crappest tunes we’ve got!

I mentioned to Emma about everyone’s parents going away in the summer and as soon as I said they Taylor’s dad’s going away, she mumbled something and smiled oddly and then wouldn’t tell me what she said. So, a nice bit of paranoia to end my day at school!

I then tried to tell Cat about Maeve Ackerley getting on my nerves by showing off by playing her flute with one hand and stuff, only to see Maeve stood in close proximity!

I then tried to tell my sister how, for some reason, everyone’s been irritating me today and she said really nastily,” Well, everyone pisses you off!” Bitch!

When I got home, I was just waiting for a phone call from Jake when Abby decided to go on the internet. She wasn’t even doing anything important, just chatting to someone. I was pleading with her to go offline so Jake could phone but she dug her heels in and said she’d only be longer if I didn’t go away.

That upset me cos I really needed to speak to Jake after such a crap day and Mum saw us arguing, told us we’d better have sorted it out by the time Dad got home cos he’s had some bad news, slammed the door and took Mollie out for a walk. Great, bad news!

Jake did phone at about 4:45pm but I spent most of the phone conversation crying down the phone at him saying what a rotten day I’ve had! As usual, he didn’t have much to tell me so we got onto the subject of holidays which cheered me up quite a bit! I love him so much! He can usually make me feel better and he actually listens to me… not that he’s got much choice, I suppose!

I was fine until later on when Mum depressed me again. First of all she started talking about those doctors who’ve taken babies organs and said Grandma L says it’s not as bad as when she was a nurse cos if a baby was born disabled, they just let it die and other awful things like that. She said Grandma didn’t realise how awful it was for families until Auntie S had Iain, who was still born. That upset me to hear all that.

Then, Mum told me that bad news that Dad got. Apparently we owe LOADS of tax (I don’t really understand) and we have no money at all. This has now worried me cos how am I going to go to uni? I know there are ways but I don’t understand money stuff. Mum and Dad also want to pay for my driving lessons too but what with?

Right, that’s about it, I think! My arm’s aching from writing now! I don’t know what’s been up with me today really. Stuff that wouldn’t normally bother me has really got to me instead. Oh well, I’m going to bed!


Today’s emails →

30-01-01 Jake email30-01-01 Tess email

Rory ended up cuffed to a fence – 26th January 2001

Friday 26th
9 weeks + 6 days to go!

College was boring today this morning so I didn’t mind having to go to John Moore’s Uni later on, even if it was during my free periods. My Sports Studies group all had to go and use the library there for research to help with our coursework but, cos Miss P’s a thick bitch and forgot to check beforehand if she could take us, she left it too late and wasn’t allowed so we had to make our own way there. Rachael Hollins and Tanya Potter were driving but all we had to go by were some crappy directions that Miss P wrote down so we ended up getting completely lost!

When we finally found it, nobody really knew what sort of stuff we needed to research cos there was no teacher with us. We just made use of the rip-off photocopiers (7p per sheet!) and went to find a chippy and then came home!

Jake phoned me at the normal time (about 4:30ish) today but, again, didn’t really have much to tell me! I think I prefer that cos if he was going on for ages about what a good time he’s having then I’d just get really jealous and worry he won’t want to come home. Hang on, I’m doing that already!

A load of us did The Run [a pub crawl] again tonight and, again, it was quite good! I stuck with Cat and Suzie mainly, like I did last week cos everyone else seemed to be pairing off.

Karen looked like such a whore! She was wearing her dog collar (as in one from a pet shop, not the church kind!) and brought her whip and handcuffs too! Rory ended up cuffed to a fence with Karen cracking her whip near him!

Run - Karen in control

Other stuff happened but I’ve mentioned it all in the 2nd email to Jake. [See the emails after my daily ‘Bye!’]

Sarah was following Gethin round like a little sheep again. That worries me cos I don’t want her fancying him again just because she’s FINALLY decided to give up on Maz. She needs to find a lad who lives around here and who isn’t gay!

Cat needs to find a lad that’s a bit similar to our age and who isn’t a teacher!

I know all that’s easier said than done though! Good relationships always seem like something that happens to other people when you’re single too! Before I met Jake, I thought I was never going to find anyone and even now I still can’t quite believe that I did! I tell that to people like Sarah and Cat [yet they shockingly didn’t punch my smug little face] but they still think there’s no way it’ll happen to them. I hope it does!

I still don’t feel all that lucky at the moment cos Jake’s away but everyone keeps saying I should just be glad I’ve got someone, even if he’s not in the same country. I am really but it’s still in the back of my mind that something bad could happen to him and I’ll never see him again. I know that’s really negative but I can’t help it!

I miss him sooooo much!!!


Today’s emails →

26-01-01 Jake email26-01-01 Tess email pre-drink26-01-01 Tess email drunk

I shouldn’t be jealous of my own boyfriend – 24th January 2001

Wednesday 24th
10 weeks + 1 days to go!

I had a pretty boring day today so I spent most of my day either doing coursework in free lessons or on the internet looking at www.ifyouski.com cos Jake mentioned it in his email. It was a bit crap actually (Rob’s bit) and it took me ages to find!

I also looked up skiing in Sheffield cos I’ve decided I want to learn how to snowboard so I can do that if he wants to ski! Okay, I’m jealous that he’s going to be a really good skier and I won’t be! I know I shouldn’t be jealous of my own boyfriend and I can do things like kickboxing and read music but I love skiing!

I really want to go again one day but he’d be unbearable with telling me what to do and stuff so if I could snowboard then I could still go but he couldn’t tell me what to do cos he’s no expert! Mind you, knowing him he’ll do that as well!

Tess snowboarding

[Fast-forward a few years…]

When he phoned today, he told me that when he was eating his breakfast that Amazed song by Lonestar came on! [Vom.] It reminds him of me cos he says the words describe exactly how he feels about me! 🙂 It’s weird though cos the last 3 times I’ve been in McDonald’s it’s come on too!


Today’s emails →

24-01-01 Jake email24-01-01 Tess email


He’s worried I’m going to run off with someone – 21st January 2001

Sunday 21st
10 weeks + 4 days to go!

This diary’s getting a bit full with all these emails now! I’d only lose them otherwise and I don’t mind getting lots anyway!

I’ve spent another day getting nowhere with my Geography revision and Biology coursework again! Oh well, I’ll just have to fail! No, I don’t really want to do that! 😦

I was just beginning to think Jake wasn’t going to ring tonight but then he did at about 5:20. 🙂 He didn’t have much to tell me again other than it’s not snowed there (it did here this morning though!) and that it’s only -2oC when it should be -30oC at this time of year. He said it starts to warm up in February so with any luck all the snow will melt and he’ll have to come home! No that’s mean, he’d only be miserable anyway!

He also told me that one of the girls there had her drink spiked and she collapsed and then stopped breathing in the police car. Scary! He says she’s in hospital but she’s okay now.

He was saying that he misses me and stuff and that he doesn’t like me saying that I feel single. I think he’s worried I’m going to run off with someone cos apparently one of the girls there has been going out with someone for 2 years but has started something else with one of the lads there.

He told me that he and his roommate were discussing what they’d do if me or Rob’s girlfriend ran off with someone else. Charming!

I think I’ve got the cold he had before he went and he said he wishes was here cos I sound really sweet with a cold!


Today’s emails →

21-01-01 Jake email21-01-01 Tess email