I was so flustered and embarrassed – 15th March 2001

Thursday 15th
3 weeks to go!

I was a bit insulted today when I read the email Jake sent me today. It’s the way he kept saying how awful that photo was! I didn’t think it was that bad, you see, so I said Cat could scan it and send it to him if she really wanted to. It’s not the best picture ever but it’s not THAT bad. It’s just close up, that’s all!

Run - Tess, Suzie, Cat in field

I’ve seen worse photos of me than that one! Mind you, when I went into his Hotmail inbox and check out the email with the picture, it had turned out to be huge so I suppose that didn’t help!

I had a really crap Biology lesson today. I’d only done half the homework and what I had done was wrong because I’d been looking at the wrong page in the text book. We spent most of the lesson going through the homework so whenever Mr S asked me a question, I either didn’t know the answer or got it wrong.

He then told me that he wanted to see me after the lesson and everybody heard him so I was really embarrassed by that! I was already embarrassed by the fact I couldn’t answer anything and I could see everyone thinking I must be thick or something! Brainbox Cat then started trying to ‘help’ me by finding the right page and plonking it in front of me but that just showed me up even more! I just hate being the centre of attention in class!

At break, I stayed behind and blagged my way through a reason as to why I hadn’t done the homework properly. Mr S seemed to believe me but by then I was so flustered and embarrassed and annoyed at myself that I burst into tears as soon as I got out of the room. I managed to compose myself again pretty quickly though, ready to face the questions in the common room about what’d happened and stuff!

Jake rang at about 4:40pm today. We talked about uni mostly cos I sent off my final decision today. I put down the Environmental Science with Geography sandwich course at Huddersfield Uni as my firm choice and declined the rest. I asked Jake whether he’s going to put down mixed or single sex accommodation when he has to choose. He says he’s going to ask Matt Carrera (his mate that’s already there) what he thinks is best but is thinking he’s probably going to put all lads. I’m not sure. Lads could be a bit of a pain to live with (but so can girls!) but all girls could get bitchy! I’ll decide nearer the time.

We’re halfway down the hill now! Only a quarter of the time left to go until he comes home!

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Bye!

Today’s emails →

15-03-01 Jake email15-03-01 Tess email

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The other thing she plans to do is make fake cum – 14th March 2001

Wednesday 14th
3 weeks + 1 days to go!

Floyd and Nell are no more! I don’t know what’s happened but they’re not seeing each other anymore. Apparently he was quite upset about it but he can’t seriously have thought it’d last seeing as she’s a lesbian! They were still talking to each other today at least.

Sarah was saying that Hayley has got her first lesson with a new driving instructor tomorrow. She says it’s not out of choice but because her old instructor stopped phoning her! She’s been having lessons every week for over 18 months now so her instructor must have got sick of her! I’d better not take the piss too much seeing as I’ve just started having lessons myself!

Hah! Cat’s planning various ways of how to get revenge on Mr L! She have him a letter today, seeing as he’s not reading her emails and if she doesn’t get an apology from him about everything that’s happened recently then she’s going to panic him a bit!

Firstly, she’s printed off a picture of Bill Clinton and written “I did not have sexual relations with that woman” underneath. Then in tiny, tiny writing underneath that, she’s typed Mr A. L, March 2000”! She plans to stick the picture where he’ll see it and every time he takes it down, she’ll replace it!!

The other thing she plans to do is make fake cum! The idea popped into her head when she realised that’s what her facewash looks like but it smells too clean. She then went on the internet and found a recipe on how to make it out of egg whites and condensed milk and stuff! She’s going to squirt some around the History office so he’ll worry, thinking he hasn’t cleaned up after himself properly!

Jake phoned me at about 5:05pm today. He said he’d ring at 4:30 but I wasn’t worried when he didn’t cos he mentioned in his email that it was someone’s 18th last night. I assumed he was still in bed and I wasn’t far off cos he’d got up late which was why he rang when he did. He only had 20 mins left on his phonecard so we couldn’t talk for very long anyway.

He said I’ve got to get pictures of everyone on Friday if we dress up for Comic Relief, especially of me if I dress up as a cowgirl or schoolgirl! He asked why I’d dress up as a cowgirl now but not when he was here. I told him I don’t know but I think it’s just cos I know he’s got a “thing” for cowgirls and I’d feel a bit funny dressing up as on in front of him unless we were alone cos other people know he likes them too and they’d think I was doing it just to turn him on or something!

I also told him that Michael Amhurst seemed interested when Sarah and I mentioned us possibly doing the schoolgirl thing. He then went all sort of protective saying he doesn’t trust Michael or any other lads for that matter!

He was also telling me about how his new ski group is much better than his old one but didn’t really say much else. He said he just likes to hear me talk and giggle, even if he hasn’t got much to tell me himself. 🙂

Bye!

Today’s emails →

14-03-01 Jake email14-03-01 Tess email

I’m a cool girlfriend – 5th & 6th March 2001

Monday 5th
4 weeks + 3 days to go!

Jake phoned at about 4:35pm today and we were having quite a good conversation about things that have been going on here and there (which wasn’t that much really!), when the phone cut off and I got a buzzing noise. I put the phone down and thought he might phone back (cos something similar had happened before) but he didn’t.

Well, the phone did ring but when I picked it up there was just silence. That happened a couple of times so I assume it was him trying to get through again. I did 1471 and the woman said they didn’t have the number to return the call which is what it has said in the past when he was the last person to phone our house. I thought he might ring back at 7pm when he got to Lake Louise but he didn’t. The phone rang loads but none of the calls were from him unfortunately.

I’m not worrying or anything cos at least I got to speak to him for a bit, even though it is very annoying being cut off mid-conversation! Maybe his phone card ran out or it’s snowing somewhere or the phone just isn’t working properly. I just hope he can email me tonight.

Bye!

Tuesday 6th
4 weeks + 2 days to go!

Michael Amhurst met up with me and a few of my mates after college today. He’s had to come to Manchester to pick up some car parts or something so he wanted to see us seeing as he was around here anyway.

It was quite awkward but we managed to fill in the silences somehow. It was especially weird for Sarah cos she’s been texting him for a few weeks now without ever actually speaking to him properly. She came prepared though with some photos which made a good talking point.

People like Hayley and Henry Rockwell had to go home so they didn’t stay in college long. There was then me, Sarah, Cat and Michael left so we moved from college into The Coach and Horses pub down the road.

We just had one drink before making our excuses to go home. Michael dropped Sarah and me off at mine and we’ve decided to try and get up to Kendal to visit him at Easter if we can.

Jake rang at about 7:05pm. He told me that his roommate Rob said I sound like I’ve got my head screwed on. I only spoke to him for a few seconds! Apparently other people reckon I’m a cool girlfriend cos I bought him a Jessie the Cowgirl doll! I thought they’d all think it was really sad and they’d take the piss out of Jake. Obviously not!

He told me that the snow’s melting! 🙂 Yey!!!

Bye!

Monday’s emails →

05-03-01 Jake email05-03-01 Tess email

Tuesday’s emails →

06-03-01 Jake email06-03-01 Tess email

Puffing and blowing and waving about – 4th March 2001

Sunday 4th
4 weeks + 4 days to go!

I had another driving lesson this morning. My instructor kept saying I was good seeing as I’ve only had 3 lessons and that we got through quite a lot again today. I drove from my house to somewhere in Warrington where there was a housing estate so I could learn how to slow down and turn and stuff. I made a few more mistakes than before cos I’ve had more to concentrate on today and it’s getting more complicated. I thought it went quite well though.

I drove home again but stalled trying to turn up the lane. I got a bit flustered cos there was a big van behind me. My instructor told me afterwards that the men in it had been puffing and blowing and waving about cos they’d been annoyed at having to wait for me to start up again. He told me to ignore people like that and he’s right but it did piss me off a bit.

Then when I got in, Dad started telling me not to be surprised if it all starts to go wrong in the 5th or 6th lesson when it starts getting more complicated. He did say it’d improve again but it put me off a bit cos I don’t want it to go wrong. I ended up getting a bit upset but then got really upset when I got told I was being pathetic and over-reacting to what Dad said. Mum then said I’ve got to stop over-reacting about stuff such as my legs and failing Biology exams when all I really wanted was reassurance.

So, I got even more upset to the point where I couldn’t breathe properly! 😦 I just wanted to explain that I can’t help worrying and when people get annoyed with me it make me worse. I just need to tell people things sometimes. I did calm down eventually and apologised for being ‘pathetic’ and I felt much better after having a good cry!

Mid-upset, I wrote down what was going through my mind, seeing as no-one seemed to be listening! →

04-03-01 List of worries.jpg

I really don’t know what was up with me cos I don’t get into that sort of state very often. I think it’s just cos I’ve had a bit of a horrid week, what with exams and starting to worry about my legs, and Jake being away and not ringing me on time and stuff. Maybe it was cos my period’s due in a couple of days too! I think what Dad said just hit a nerve cos I did bother a bit today that my lesson didn’t go as well as it could’ve done!

Jake phoned at 4:25 pm today. He kept saying he wants to come home. Good! It hadn’t snowed there yet so maybe it’ll all melt! 🙂 We were trying to think of somewhere he could get a job when he gets back, just in case his dad makes him but everywhere I suggested he came up with a reason not to work there. He doesn’t want a job, that’s why! I can’t say I blame him cos I don’t either!

We talked about Barcelona too and he mentioned that even if we have to get up for breakfast, we can always go back to bed for a bit afterwards! 🙂

Bye!

Today’s emails →

04-03-01 Jake email04-03-01 Tess email

I don’t want him to want me to look like a doll! – 2nd March 2001

Friday 2nd
4 weeks + 6 days to go!

I think my friends and I may have finally managed to put Sarah off Maz. We told her the “Bluebell” story about him! The story goes that Maz took his first girlfriend up the arse and he trapped a nerve or something in his knob which caused it to go blue, therefore he gained the nickname Bluebell!! Ha ha!! Sarah’s pretty disgusted by the whole thing and we intend to keep reminding her of it every time she mentions him!

Jake phoned at about 4:30pm. He said the first aid course is really good and they’re learning how to do all sorts of stuff. He kept saying how he wants to come home though. I really want him to come home too. I miss him sooooooo much!! I was saying how I want some new pyjamas and he sort of laughed at me and told me that I was really cute! He told me he wants me to get some jeans like Jessie the Cowgirl! That worries me slightly! I don’t want him to want me to look like a doll!

I discovered that my right hand still tingled after I held my arm above my head in the shower. I hope it all gets back to normal soon. 😦 It’s not very nice.

I went to Manchester tonight for Freda’s birthday. It was really good and surprisingly cheap! There were 8 of us that went altogether:

Freda
Julian
Gethin (those 3 are gay)
Cat
Sarah
Lizzie
Karen
Me

We went on the train to Oxford Road, I think. The 3 gay ones were the only ones that knew where they were going so the rest of us just followed. Of course, that meant we were heading straight for Canal Street!

We went in 3 places around there but after the 3rd one where there was a bloke in drag playing constant Steps songs, the rest of us decided to find somewhere straight. I mean, we don’t have a problem with gay people, it’s just that it was kind of pointless for us to be there seeing as we wanted to pull blokes! Well, I didn’t of course cos I’ve got Jake 🙂 but I’m the matchmaker when we go out so I was needed with the girls!

We didn’t really know where we were going so we just wandered the streets of Manchester, collecting leaflets from people from clubs and stuff for free drinks and things. The first place we found was called Elemental because we picked up loads of these and decided we might as well use them →

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It was a bit dead in there though and had a look of college about it so we left after a free drink or two!

The next place we went to was Soft, I think, cos we got free entry and £1 drinks, just for being girls! It was a bit more lively in there so we stayed for a while. Sarah and Lizzie pulled a bloke each in there but that was it for the night. Nobody else had any success.

We then headed for Infinity but we discovered it cost £6 just to get in so we sacked that idea and wandered the streets for a bit longer. I was the most sober so I had Cat linking one arm and Sarah linking the other so they could stay on their feet but the problem was that they kept staggering in different directions so it was really hard controlling them both!

We went in Bar 38 for all of 2 minutes (it looked crap!) so we went back to Soft. It’d quietened down a bit thought so we went in search of food before meeting up with the other 3 to go home.

02-03-01 Manchester - Bar 38 drunkards

[The state in Bar 38.]

We found a chippy with some very fit man serving food so we went in! He told us off for messing with the light switch so we got a good look at him!

Freda’s parents picked up all up and then dropped us all off at home which was really nice of them. That meant I didn’t have to pay for a taxi so I don’t think I even spent £15 all night! 🙂

Bye!

My emails to Jake. He couldn’t send me one cos of his 1st aid thing →

02-03-01 Tess email 102-03-01 Tess email 2

He’s still a bit pissed from last night – 28th February 2001

Wednesday 28th
5 weeks + 1 days to go!

Sarah’s being really daft! Michael’s been texting her and stuff but she still wants Maz, a gimp she was seeing ages ago. He never contacted her and now someone is, she’s complaining! I don’t get it!

I got this letter from Michael this morning. →

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I like getting letters. It was weird seeing those photos too cos I’ve not seen those particular ones before.

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[Left to right standing or being held: Michael’s mum, Hayley’s mum, Hayley, don’t know the lady, Michael’s cousin, my mum, me, Isaac’s mum and Isaac. Left to right sitting: Don’t know the boy, Michael and Connie.]

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[Top step: Me and Connie. Bottom step: Michael’s cousin, Hayley and Daisy.]

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[Standing: Michael’s mum. Sitting on swing thing: Daisy’s mum, Daisy, Connie, Isaac’s mum, Isaac’s brother, me, my mum and Abby. Front: Michael’s friend Ian, Michael and Isaac.]

Jack phoned me at about 4:50pm today. He told me he’s not intending on skiing today cos he’s still a bit pissed from last night apparently! He said he’s still got to go to Lake Louise though to get some award for passing Level 1 so he says he might try and get a bit of a tan while he’s there cos it’s gone really sunny. He mentioned again about bleaching his hair so maybe he really will do it!

Bye!

Today’s emails →

28-02-01 Jake email

We tried to give him a profile on Manline – 25th February 2001

Sunday 25th
5 weeks + 4 days to go!

I went skiing today!!! 🙂

It was Cat’s sister’s birthday earlier on this week and she went to Tamworth indoor snow thing and let me got too! I really did need to ski! I can still do it pretty well too! 🙂

Cat and I were both sooo excited cos we love skiing and haven’t done it for about a year. When we arrived we were already in the mood cos everywhere was snowy all the way down the motorway. We went inside and could see the main slope. We just wanted to get on and ski but you have to be allocated cards so you can only go on at a certain time.

We were finally allowed to go get our boots and skis and go onto the slope. It took ages to get to the top cos we had to go up this really slow travellator thing. Neither of us wanted to go first once we got to the top, just in case we’d forgotten how to ski! I went first in the end and I hadn’t forgotten at all! 🙂

We were only allowed on for an hour cos that’s how much £20 gets you (rip-off!) and most of the time was spent getting back up to the top cos we’re pretty fast so it didn’t take long to get to the bottom. I think we went down about 8 times altogether, which isn’t really that much.

There were some big icy patches on the slope which even good people fell over on. Cat and I didn’t fall over once though cos we had the Pra Loup experience when we spent about a week skiing on ice!

We didn’t want to stop skiing but we had to cos you get charged an extra £5 for every extra 15 minutes you ski. We got some lunch there and then looked round the Ellis Brigham shop at the ski gear. It really is a sport for rich people! It’s so unfair! I could never afford all the things you need!

I went back to Cat’s for a bit and we signed Mr L up for a few crap newsletters on the internet. We tried to give him a profile on Manline which seemed to be a gay dating site but unfortunately we ran out of time cos her dad came in to drop me off at home!

Jake told me he’d phone at 7pm tonight but he didn’t. I was really worried cos he normally phones when he says he will and he’d been saying how much he wanted to speak to me for a long time today cos he wasn’t skiing. I hate the feeling I get when he doesn’t phone. It’s a horrible sense of dread and sort of helplessness cos I can’t do anything about it.

He eventually rang at about 8:40pm and said he’d phoned home first and couldn’t get rid of his brother which is why he was so late phoning. I wasn’t annoyed with him cos it wasn’t his fault and I was just sooo relived!

He passed Level 1 of his course which means I’m now going out with a ski instructor! That does sound good! 🙂 He kept saying how pleased he is and would like to teach Cat and me how to improve at skiing! I didn’t like that idea at first cos I thought I might feel stupid and he’d show off but the more I think about it, the more I like it! He could be quite useful really! 🙂

He told me he’ll phone at about 4pm and not to worry if it’s a bit later cos he’ll be finishing his breakfast!

Bye!

Today’s emails →

25-02-01 Jake email25-02-01 Tess email