Tuesday 23rd Hayley was still speaking to me this morning. It just went back to how it is normally is. Although, she was in floods of tears when she was talking to Georgia about something. It was probably about Andy so I just kept out of it cos I’m getting sick of her repeating herself when she talks about him!
I saw Jake today. There was no mention of his mum between us. He did seem a bit quiet which would be understandable but then I’m not sure if he’s just normally like that and if I was just more aware of it today now I know there could be a reason behind it.
I told my mum about his mum on the way to Grandma’s tonight. I’ve been dreading telling her cos I don’t want her worrying about how I might be affected and stuff but I knew I’d have to say something eventually anyway.
She started asking me about Jake and what he’s doing now he’s left college and stuff so I took the opportunity to tell her about his mum while we were on the subject of him. She was on the edge of crying when I told her, I could tell by her voice and I could see her eyes beginning to fill up. I found it hard not to cry again myself, especially when she said how I’ll have to do a lot of supporting.
She’s the 3rd person that’s said that. First it was Mrs K then Hugo and now her. I know though!! It’s easier said than done. I’m so worried about saying the wrong thing to him or making him feel worse about it all.
My mum just kept saying how awful it is, especially with a young family, and how awful it’s going to be for her husband. I just wanted to get out of the car cos I thought I was going to cry and didn’t want her to see me do that cos she’d start worrying about me, and she’s got enough to worry about with Grandma and stuff.
I’ve told mum not to say anything to anyone or ask anyone if they know about it and she said she won’t.
Gethin’s done ‘A day in the life of Tessa’ now! →
It’s quite funny in parts, although I could take offence to it! I won’t though cos I know it’s only a joke really! A few other people could find it insulting too actually! Oh well!
Thursday 27th I had some nice messages off Jake between 12 midnight and 2:00 am in the night. I sent the 1st one saying that I couldn’t sleep due to my sister being in my room because she could hear a cow from her room. He sent one back saying, “OK! WHY IS THERE A COW OUTSIDE??? I WANT TO SEE YOU NOW!! I REALLY CAN’T WAIT! LOVE YOU LOADS! JAKE xxxxx : ) xxxxx”.
I explained that it was in a field across the river and not on the drive or anything! I also informed him that the party that Denny might have been having isn’t on and so we can’t even share a sofa together! His reply was, “SO WHY IS YOUR SIS IN YOUR ROOM? NO – NOT EVEN A SOFA! WHAT’S THE WORLD COMING TO? I’M GONNA HAVE TO KIDNAP YOU!! LOVE x J x”.
I told him that we could hear the cow from my room and then started moaning about not having seen him for a few days and told him that I’ve decided I must be like addicted to him or something! His next message said, “I KNOW! YOU’RE LIKE A DRUG (BUT AN AWFUL LOT BETTER LOOKING) I WISH WE WERE OLDER + DIDN’T HAVE TO LIVE WITH OUR PARENTS! DOESN’T YOUR SIS MIND YOUR PHONE BEEPING? LOVE J x”.
I told him that I’d silenced my phone and that she was asleep anyway anyway. I told him I knew what he meant about the parent thing and said maybe one day. He replied, “YEH ONE DAY, HOPEFULLY!! DON’T FEEL BAD ABOUT THIS BUT I WON’T BE ABLE TO SLEEP NOW!! – GOT IT! YOU’RE PURE CAFFEINE IN A GIRL – TOTALLY ADDICTIVE AND KEEPS YOU AWAKE x”. I didn’t feel bad, I felt far from it after that message!
I sent him a last one saying goodnight basically (even though I wasn’t going to be able to sleep anyway!) and his last message said, “OK! NIGHT! LOVE YOU FOREVER! JAKE xxxxx : ) xxxxx UUUHH, WANT YOU RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!!!”.
I went to Hayley’s village today to meet up with her, Sarah, Gethin, Floyd and Isaac. We were at Isaac’s most of the time looking at his Sim City computer game thing (or whatever it’s called). We did take a walk around the new housing estate at one point cos Hayley fancies someone who lives there and wanted to see if she could see him. She didn’t but we saw Riley Howarth. He’s one extremely fit lad but in the year below us! I much prefer Jake though!!
Wednesday 5th I went to that university exhibition thing at the MEN Arena in Manchester today. A big group of us went but we had to get ourselves there because college didn’t bother to tell us until yesterday morning. We got a bus from school to the station and a train from there to Piccadilly.
When we arrived, I just wandered round getting prospectuses with Cat. It was okay until we headed for home and then we kept losing people and going for food at different times so we missed buses and trains so everyone ended up getting annoyed with each other!!
By this afternoon, I still hadn’t had any messages off Jake so I was whinging a bit. Hayley then decided to send him one telling him to send me one because I was feeling neglected but, as she was writing it, I got one anyway. He then sent her one asking why I was feeling neglected and if I was okay. Poor lad probably thought I was annoyed with him cos I’ve not seen much of him this week!
I’ve been looking through the uni stuff (it’s scary!) and Huddersfield do actually do Physiotherapy. I do wasn’t to go somewhere round that area, like Bradford or Leeds, but they want higher grades and Huddersfield don’t really. I sent Jake a message pointing out that he might get stuck with me for another few years and he said, “YEH THAT WOULD BE TOP! DON’T U THINK IT’S FUNNY HOW THINGS WORK OUT SOMETIMES?? LOVE YOU TOO (LOTS N LOTS) : ) xxxxx”. It’d only be good if we’re still together which, realistically, might not be the case. Hopefully it will be though!
As well as keeping telling me to sleep with Jake, Gethin also keeps asking me if I love him. I say it in messages but I really don’t know if I do or not. I can say that I couldn’t like him much more than I do now though!
Monday 3rd Jake wasn’t in today because he had to finish his Physics coursework so I just had text conversations with him.
Gethin’s sent off the film from Brian’s at half term and it could contain dodgy photos of me and Jake so I warned Jake of this and he pointed out that he’ll probably have left college by the time they come back. I thanked him (sarcastically!) for making me face them on my own and also mentioned Hayley’s trip to Andy’s last night and he said, “NO – I’LL FACE THEM WITH YOU! GLAD HAYLEY’S HAPPY – DIDN’T HIS PARENTS NOTICE THAT HE BRINGS HOME A DIFFERENT GIRL EVERY WEEKEND? NO I’M ONLY JOKING!! LOVE J x”. I’d better delete that one before she sees it!
I remembered today that on Friday night, Jake’d been trying to get rid of Gethin by telling him to go and snog Sarah but Gethin said he’d only do that if Jake slept with me and he agreed and they shook on it! I told Sarah about that and she sent Jake a message asking if he could remember that and if he’d do it cos she wanted Gethin! He sent one back saying he vaguely remembered but asked her to explain so she did and he sent another saying she’d have to check with me but it would be fine with him but he wouldn’t do it because of Sarah!
After college when he came back to hand in his coursework, I acted all confused and asked what the message had been about to see if he’d tell me. He wouldn’t. He kept getting out of telling me by saying he couldn’t remember and to ask Sarah tomorrow what it was about. He did know cos she told him. He’d just gone all shy again!
P.S. Ivor Ward smiled and mouthed “hiya” at me this morning!
Wednesday 22nd I had to bring up the Hugo thing in the end today and then Jake told me what’d been going on. All it was was that Hugo had asked Jake if he’d slept with Lara Beale and he just said that he should mind his own business so Hugo automatically assumed they had slept together. According to Jake they haven’t but he never told Hugo that.
Then recently, when Jake and Hugo fell out, Hugo was going to tell me that Jake’d slept with Lara B. I don’t know what he’d have gained from that though. Prick!! Jake said that the phoned Hugo last night and told him that he hadn’t slept with Lara B but that only made him look like he’d been lying to Hugo.
At kickboxing tonight, I discovered that the little lad (we used to call him Yellow Stripes cos of his Adidas pants!) had got a girlfriend. Damn it! No, I shouldn’t say that, should I?!
Hayley told Jake that I’d pulled a student teacher at lunch. He was quite nice but he only let me in the dinner queue before him. She’s gutted today cos Andy says he’s going to Germany tomorrow. I hope Jake never does that (tells me one day in advance)!
Thursday 23rd We had tears again from Hayley about bloody Andy again. People (e.g. Julian, Freda, Sarah, Cat, Ken and Jake) keep complaining about her but I’m the one who can’t get a word in edgeways between the sobbing, paranoia and moaning!!
I went round to Floyd’s tonight with the usual lot of us. Jake sent me messages (cos he was working) to try and sort out tomorrow night. He said in one that it’d be nice to be able to talk to me without Hayley crying. He’s right!
He was showing me his university application stuff today because they won’t take his now as he’s taking a year out and I found out he’s originally from Dudley. That explains why on the coach back from skiing, Robbie said he had a video of Jake with a Brummie accent! Every time I see him now I’m going to think of The Grimleys!
Tuesday 7th Lizzie, Bella Jameson, Jake and I were all sat in the common room this afternoon and we ended up having a discussion about Zoe. It wasn’t the most pleasant of conversations as it revolved around BO, mould and used sanitary towels under her bed. That’s disgusting. Bella told us the last part and we can well believe it! The guy she reckons she’s marrying must be desperate, an illegal immigrant or a total headcase!!
We were just saying how lads must have no sense of smell because she still gets them and I suddenly noticed Jake had gone very quiet. As soon as I realised why, I said to him, “Perhaps you could enlighten us on this one!” He went very, very red!! Then he tried to explain what’d happened at Matt Carrera’s party when he snogged Zoe.
The story involved him drinking a bottle of vodka and her being very persistent, him giving in outside on the drive and then hiding behind a car when someone came round the corner! He wouldn’t let her sleep near him though (or so he says!) and he did tell me that he’d only gone to the party because he thought I was mates with Zoe and might be there. Good! He’s such a babe!!!
Wednesday 8th I’m still deaf so I went to the doctor’s after school and he put me on some decongestants or something because there’s all fluid in them and my sinuses are all blocked. Hope they work!
Gethin messed up Jake’s hair this afternoon. It made all the gel stuff come out so his hair went all fluffy. I’ve never seen it when it’s normal before, it was weird but he was still gorgeous!
I didn’t get a snog today because as we were beginning one at the end of college, Mr H (head of college) walked in and said something like, “Steady!” which was rather embarrassing and kind of put us off!
Kickboxing was good tonight but there are loads of new people now and they’re mostly girls. Not good – they stand behind us and giggle and piss me off! We’re learning combinations for the grading in 3 weeks’ time and Dave (our instructor) kept coming and talking to us about skiing because he knows we went and he went for his 2nd time ever to Switzerland last week. It snowed there apparently.
P.S. Had a text from Sarah saying that her mum thinks her mates are leading her astray! Charming!!
Sunday 5th I woke up this morning and looked at my phone to see ‘1 missed call’ and ‘message received’ on the screen. I don’t know who the call was from or when whoever it was phoned because it must have been anonymous and they didn’t leave a message. Hayley, Freda and I had some like that on the way home last night and Hayley thinks it’s Andy and his mates because he’s got our 3 numbers so it was probably him again.
The message was from Jake and it said, “SORRY, I’VE JUST GOT UP + READ YOUR MESSAGE – IT’S OK, I DON’T THINK YOU CAN EXPLAIN WHY WHEN YOU LIKE SOMEONE THAT MUCH – I COULDN’T. THERE’S 2 MANY DIFFERENT REASONS – LUV U x”. Okay, fair enough, I’m glad he understands but now I want to know what reasons!! He sent that message at 11:14 – glad I’m not the only one who gets up so late!
Went to see Malcolm Mattesson, an Environmental Consultant that my dad knows, this afternoon about what’s going on with the indoor ski centre they’re meant to be building somewhere near Wigan (yeah!!) because I’m doing about it for my Geography project. It was quite interesting actually. Jake did about a leisure centre or something for his.
I had a message from Jake before. He didn’t say much other than that he was bored but I got, “LOTS + LOTS OF LOVE JAKE xxxxx ; )” at the end. I liked the little winking face at the end! (In the texts, the faces are actually sideways because they’re made up of brackets and stuff.)
This cold of mine isn’t getting better. My whole face aches (Mum said it must be my sinuses) and I went deaf in both ears before. It’s back to just deaf in one again now so I feel unbalanced again! It’s horrible!! Mum wants me to go to the doctor but he’ll stick one of those things down my ear and it hurt loads last time so I don’t want to go. I’m being soft!!