I’d told her about 50 million times – 14th January 2000

Friday 14th My first text message of the day was quite a nice one from ?Mark. It said, “HELLO DARLING, HOW’S MY LITTLE GEM? I’VE JUST WON £300 IN WORK – NICE BIG PISS UP TONIGHT THEN!” The thing is that I think it was actually for Sarah.

I skived my first 2 lessons today. I missed Miss P’s Sports Studies lesson because they were doing a surprise practical lesson. We were going to do it for a Xmas treat but the teachers have only just managed to organise it. I didn’t fancy doing it so I went to the primary school to help my mum.

I missed Mr B’s lesson too cos that’s also Sports Studies and he’d want to know why I hadn’t been in 1st thing. I found out later that they’d had a game of kibadi (if that’s how you spell it!) [it’s not] because every lesson, someone manages to mention it. It’s become a bit of a joke.

Freda was really, really pissing me off this afternoon. She was in one of her lesbian moods and kept hugging me and stuff and saying disgusting things! She actually texted me an apology later this evening.

Floyd Miller now fancies Sarah. He’s gone off Karen now, you see!

Hayley, Sarah and I went to LA Bowl (AGAIN! AAARRGGHHH!!!) tonight. Andy and ?Mark came too. Stu turned up for a while but left again with his girlfriend. I really honestly don’t care much.

I talked to ?Mark most of the night. He, Sarah and I were finding it really boring but Hayley wouldn’t leave. We intended to get the last bus home so we could go in the Coach Horse or somewhere but Hayley whinged until we gave in.

The taxi was booked for 11:00 pm but when it came, Hayley and Andy had disappeared. We rang her and she said she was coming but she took at least 5 minutes. So, Sarah and I were pissed off with Hayley and ?Mark was pissed off with Andy.

Hayley was annoying me on the way home because she kept apologising every 5 seconds and asking if I was speaking to her even though I’d told her about 50 million times that I don’t do not speaking. Sarah and I have decided we’re going to the pub next weekend, with or without Hayley.

?Mark’s alright actually. He looks like a bit of a scally but he’s okay really.

I sent Amir a message cos I was bored. It said, “HI AMIR! HAS LIZZIE TOLD U? I’VE DECIDED THAT I REALLY AM IN LOVE WITH U BUT THAT MIGHT JUST B COS I’VE BEEN UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF BOREDOM! C YA. LUV TESS X J” I didn’t get a reply. I hope he wasn’t insulted by it.


Something about French kissing – 6th January 2000

Thursday 6th I went to town with Lizzie after double Geography. Geography with Adrian wasn’t too bad although he did come in saying something about French kissing and shut up when he saw there were people in the room. That made me a bit paranoid.

In town, we saw Freddie Bevan again. He had a nice mate with him. I said how I always seem to see him and he muttered something but I couldn’t tell what it was.

The message-sending to Amir’s gone a bit further today. This morning I sent him a message saying, “I TAKE IT U R NOT INTERESTED. I’M SORRY I SHOULD’T HAVE SAID ANYTHING. I JUST CAN’T HELP THE WAY I FEEL. TEXT BACK, I NEED 2 KNOW IF U R INTERESTED.” I didn’t get a reply so I kept trying to ring his phone to see if it was switched on but it wasn’t.

Later this evening, Sarah was here to get ready for Presentation Evening at school and I sent him another message saying, “I’VE BEEN TRYING TO PHONE U 2DAY. IT DOESN’T SEEM 2 GET THROUGH. IS THIS EVEN AMIR’S MOBILE? CAN U LET ME KNOW ONE WAY OR THE OTHER. LOVE U.”




I sent one back which said, “U DO SORT OF KNOW ME. I’M SO GLAD U R SINGLE + NOT GAY! DO U REALLY WANT 2 KNOW WHO I AM? WHERE R U NOW? MY BATTERY’S RUNNING OUT SO TEXT ME ON 07876 ****** xx”. It could’ve been a mistake giving number because Leon knows it.

The reply I got said something like, “DO U KNOW LEON OR DOES URE NAME BEGIN WITH D, B OR R?” D must be Damon, B maybe Brett and maybe R Reeves.


[God, this was daft. Why would we even start this and why would I carry it on (and record it in my diary word for word) unless I actually fancied him?]

His next reply said something like, “FUCK OFF U STUPID TWAT! I’M NOT AMIR. IF U WANT 2 MEET ME GET DOWN TO J5 LONDON (ESSEX). MIKE X”. Bollocks! It is Amir. I know because he’s told Lizzie, Leon etc. at swimming about the 1st message and then he went on about Leon, D, B and R in another one to me.

Presentation Evening was boring. I got my certificates and stuff and went in the Coach Horse for a drink with everyone afterwards.


[In t’pub with my new sophisticated haircut.]

Emma said she wanted a word and told me that in Mr Smith’s nightclub she started dancing with someone who was bladdered and had his hands up her skirt and down her bra and she snogged him then realised it was Trotter. I said I wasn’t bothered but I am a bit.


I still kind of want his attention – 5th January 2000

Wednesday 5th For the first day back at college after Xmas, it wasn’t actually too bad! I didn’t really see Adrian for a start, although I’ve got to face him in double Geography 1st thing tomorrow morning.

I saw Trotter from a distance and he’s got a new white coat (probably what he bought in the JD Sports sale yesterday!) which makes him look like a snowman. That’s not good.

Didn’t see much of Ollie but Charlie grinned at me.

I found out that Emma spent most of the night with Nathan at Gavin’s on New Year’s Eve. I’m not too bothered though.

Mr P noticed I’d had my hair cut and said it made me look more sophisticated. I think that was a compliment! Unusual for him!


[Looking totes sophis that year with my shorter hair and Bacardi Breezer in hand.]

Floyd Miller fancies Karen Brent but she’s going out with Russ on Saturday to the cinema.

I was getting on quite well with Hayley today. She actually wasn’t annoying me! Also, on the phone tonight, she apologised for repeatedly not speaking to me and stuff and admitted it was because she was jealous of my friendship with Lizzie. It surprised me that she admitted it and I thought it was quite brave of her to do so. She said she was just feeling a bit left out. I think Andy’s doing her some good!

I found out that Danny Barnes’s middle name is Campbell! Ha ha!! It was on the General Studies group list on the notice board.

I was on the phone to Lizzie after school and we mentioned Amir. We’ve been ringing his mobile all day to see if he had it switched on so we’d know if he’d got his message so I decided to try it again on my mobile. I was talking away to Lizzie and I didn’t realise it’d rung until I heard a lad say, “Hello?”

I got a message from Lizzie before when she got back from swimming saying, “HA HA HA! AMIR GOT SARAH’S MESSAGE + HE WAS SAYING HE WANTS 2 KNOW WHO SENT IT. IT WAS SO FUNNY. I HAD 2 TRY SO HARD NOT 2 LAUGH + I DIDN’T.” I was the one who sent it but it was from Sarah’s phone because Leon’s got my number so Amir could’ve found out.

I feel really shady now. In a way, I want her to say that it was me. I’m not sure why though. I don’t fancy him but I still kind of want his attention. [Liar. I did fancy him.] He’s the only lad in her swimming lot who’s a possibility if I get bored, I suppose!


SHIT SHIT SHIT PLEASE HELP!! – 8th December 1999

Wednesday 8th Lizzie dumped Brett this morning. It wasn’t unexpected for me but I don’t think poor Brett saw it coming. She’s been going off him for a while now but she said last night was the final straw. I got a text message last night from her explaining what he’d said. It said, “OH MY GOD! I JUST GOT A MESSAGE FROM BRETT ASKING IF I WOULD SLEEP WITH HIM! OH SHIT WHAT SHOULD I DO? SHIT SHIT SHIT PLEASE HELP!!”

Basically it panicked her slightly! So this morning she dumped him via text message. It just said stuff about how she thought they shouldn’t see each other anymore because they wanted different things out of their relationship and stuff like that. She got one from him later apologising and asking why and saying he’d gone home from school because he felt sick. I reckon he just didn’t want his mates to see him being reduced to a jabbering wreck by a girl!

I do feel sorry for him though. He really, really likes Lizzie and he must be so gutted. It’s like what happened to Oscar all over again except she dumped Oscar because he wouldn’t do much whereas Brett wants to do more.

Speaking of Oscar, I spoke to him at lunch to tell him the news of the break up but he said he didn’t care because he is getting a new girlfriend on Monday. It sounds like he’s ordered her from an Argos catalogue!! Apparently she works at McDonald’s with him, is called Dion and is nice. That was all I could get out of him except that he’s happy.

Later this evening, Lizzie phoned and said Brett had phoned her and started asking why again and asking if there was anything he could do to get back with her. He also said that it’d take him about 18 months to get over her because it took him ages to get over his last girlfriend and he loved Lizzie more.

He then asked if she’d cried. She told me she felt like a right hard cow when she said no. Well, I think Brett’s being a bit wet really! He won’t get anywhere using the soppy approach with Lizzie.


Really soft with stupid Elvis hair – 1st-4th December 1999

Wednesday 1st There was quite a bad car accident on the way home from kickboxing tonight. One car was on its side and another was upside-down in a field. The scary thing was that we were first there after the police. If we’d have left a few minutes earlier we could’ve been involved. I hate to see accidents like that, it really upsets me.

I still can’t stand Hayley. This morning, I think she was quite pleased to hear that Leon and Jodie were a potential item and then she started saying how Leon was really soft with stupid Elvis hair and that he reminded her of Richard Willers (who I wouldn’t exactly call good looking) deliberately loudly in front of everyone, I reckon to try and humiliate me. Bitch!

Then I had to put up with her all afternoon coz she tagged along with Rachael and I when we were delivering invitations to old people about the Xmas party at school. Rach doesn’t like Hayley either so neither of us were pleased.


Thursday 2nd Not much happened today. Lizzie said that Jodie doesn’t fancy Leon and that she’s happy with the boyfriend she’s got. Good!

Later, Gethin told me and Lizzie that we were 2 of his favourite girls along with Emma and Suzanna. Aaah, sweet!


Saturday 4th I went to see the new James Bond film ‘The World Is Not Enough’ last night with Cat, Lizzie and Poppy. It was quite a good film but it ended really late. Before out film, we had an hour or so to waste so Lizzie phoned Brett and he and that lad from bonfire night came to meet us there for a bit. There wasn’t much mention of Leon, only Brett asking if I still liked him but I lied and said no.

When we got into the film, Cat ended up with Charlie Wilson sat behind her (she snogged him in Belgium). He and the lad he was with kept whispering and saying, “Chris Kelly-Banks” very loudly every so often!

I had a great dream last night! Hayley was yelling stuff at me so I started doing some kickboxing on her and she shut up so I started saying all the things that really need to be said and she then pissed off with no friends and left me alone. I don’t know what would’ve happened next coz my mum woke me up. I was quite disappointed to find out that it hasn’t all been real!

Sarah and Freda both went round to Hayley’s last night. No doubt they had a good bitch about me and possibly Lizzie.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that during my free period yesterday some of my mates were trying to lift people up in a sitting position with only 4 people using 2 fingers. One person had to sit on a chair and the other 4 people stood around them and put their hands one over the other (but not touching) over the sitting person’s head. They counted to 10 and then they put 2 fingers under each arm and knee and lifted. It worked. Sarah went right up to the ceiling. I don’t know how it works though.

My sister’s going to the Coach Horse pub with her mates, May’s boyfriend and Ewan Swann coz they’re mates. I found myself feeling really pissed off coz Ewan was going. I don’t want to start fancying him again but I think I’m heading that way. The person I really want is Leon but he’s obviously just not interested.


What the hell do I do??! – 22nd November 1999

Monday 22nd I was wrong about the Zoe-Reevesy break up. He was the one who did the dumping. He didn’t give a proper reason so we all suspect that he was expecting her to dump him so he got in there first to save himself humiliation. Loads of people have sent him text messages telling him he’s daft dumping her, that she’s really upset and doesn’t understand why. This was Zoe’s idea because she is now determined to get back with him.

Meanwhile, I have even more concerns about how much longer this me and Leon thing’s going to last. I fear I’m heading for disappointment since Lizzie sent me a message, part of which said, “DO YOU WANT ME TO ASK LEON ANYTHING TONIGHT? BRETT RUNG + SAID BECKY SENT LEON MESSAGES SAYING SHE STILL LIKES HIM. WHAT R U GOIN TO DO?”

I think swimming must be going on tonight so that’ll give Becky a chance to speak to Leon. What if he decides to go back out with her? I’ll be so gutted! I really do like him.

I sent Lizzie a message back saying, “THERE’S NOWT I WANT U 2 ASK LEON REALLY + THERE’S NOT MUCH I CAN DO ABOUT BECKY. CAN’T SAY I’M PLEASED BUT IT’S UP 2 HIM WHAT HE DOES.” I didn’t want to say too much just in case Lizzie showed Leon the message. That’s also why I added that I wasn’t too pleased, just so he knows I am still interested without sounding like an obsessive stalker type! I hope she updates me soon. I can’t stand not knowing what’s going on.

As for Brett’s question on Lizzie’s virginity, well, she told him she hadn’t lost it and told me she didn’t intend to lose it to him. Wise choice, girl! He hasn’t asked any further questions on the subject to my knowledge.

Oh no!! I’ve just gained a new problem!

After school, I sent Reevesy a message (under orders from Zoe!) saying, “ZOE TOLD ME WHAT’S HAPPENED BUT SHE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND WHY. SHE STILL REALLY LIKES U. SO WHY DID U DUMP HER THEN??” Then this evening I got a message back from Reevesy saying, “IF U WANT THE REASON RING ME 2***29. REEVESY”.

I had my suspicions as to what ‘the reason’ was but I replied, “HAVE U LET ZOE KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM IS YET? JUST SEND ME A MESSAGE WITH A REASON PLEASE.”

My suspicions were then backed up with his reply which said, “I CAN’T I NEED TO TALK WITH U. PLEASE PHONE 2***29”. I lied and said, “NO, DAD’S ON HOME PHONE, ONLY ABOUT 50p CREDIT LEFT ON THIS. JUST SEND A MESSAGE. I CAN DELETE IT.”

Instead, he phoned me and confirmed my suspicions. The conversation went something along these lines:-

Reevesy – Hi, it’s Reevesy.
Me – Oh right, hi. Come on, what’s this reason then?
R – You’ve got to promise not to tell Zoe or anyone.
Me – Right, just say it.
R – Okay. Are you seeing anyone?
Me – Well, erm… no, not exactly. Why?
R – Well, promise you won’t say anything.
Me – Okay!
R – It’s just, well, I really like you.
Me – Oh no! Just don’t go there!
R – Sorry! Please don’t tell Zoe.
Me – This isn’t fair.
R – I know, I’m sorry.
Me – It’s just that I really like Leon and Zoe really likes you.
R – I kind of expected that you liked Leon.
Me – Yeah, I’m sorry.
R – It’s okay. I was expecting it really.
Me – Okay, well thanks for telling me. (Dunno why I said that. Didn’t mean it!!)
R – Right, sorry, bye.

This is bad! If I tell Zoe she’ll get mad with Reevesy and possibly me if she’s feeling unreasonable, and Leon might find out and get pissed off and paranoid that’ll I’ll go off with Reevesy (yeah right!). If I don’t tell Zoe, it could be worse later on if she finds out I know because then she’ll be très pissed off!!

What the hell do I do??! I need to speak to someone about this (other than Abby) who knows Zoe. I think Sarah’s the best candidate. I really want to tell Lizzie but she’s got a big gob on her!

Speaking of Lizzie… she’s just filled me in. She didn’t see Leon because he was playing water polo but she sent him a message asking if he liked me, telling him I liked him and asking if he’s going to ask me out. I hope he does!!


Big eyes and doesn’t speak – 20th & 21st November 1999

Saturday 20th I’ve felt really happy again today. I hope this lasts. It doesn’t normally which is what I’m worried about. I just don’t want this to end.

Hayley put a stop to my good mood for a while when I spoke to her on the phone. I was telling her how it was quite good last night but she didn’t really miss much and I told her that Ste didn’t go either because he was a bit nervous about seeing Hayley according to the lads. Hayley then started calling him soft and a wimp and saying that he was really pathetic not going because of her.

That pissed me off so much! The reason for her not going was because she thought he was. I can’t believe she can turn round and call him a soft, pathetic wimp when she’s no better herself.

I told her how I really liked Leon then immediately wished I hadn’t bothered because then she began to say how they were all a bit soft and gave me her opinion of each of them. These are Hayley’s opinions:

Reevesy – Big + stupid.
Brett – Just stands there all hunched over + stares.
Leon – Just stares at you with his big eyes + doesn’t speak.

Little cow! Why can’t she just be pleased? Even if she can’t help but be jealous or whatever’s wrong with her, she could at least keep her opinions to herself.

That’s really annoyed me. I had to try really hard to control myself from saying something to her when she came out with that bollocks!

Lizzie’s got a mobile. Her number’s 07*** ***405. She’s on the Orange network and so’s Leon and I’m with Vodafone like Brett so we’ve decided to swap phones when we want to speak to them then it’s cheaper!

God I like Leon so much!! I hope he likes me as much as I like him but I’m not convinced he does. I’ll be so gutted if we stop seeing each other which is why I’m worried behind being pleased. The more I see him, the more I like him and I’m scared I’m going to end up miserable.

I’ve had enough bad luck with friends and stuff in the past, I know what it’s like to get my hopes up and then be thoroughly disappointed. It’s happened too many times and it’s not nice. I just don’t want it to happen again.


Sunday 21st Now Lizzie’s got a mobile, it’s been her turn to be slightly freaked out by messages. She text messaged me to say that Brett had sent her one telling her that Zoe and Reevesy split up today and then he said something about wanting to ask her something but that he didn’t want it to change anything between them.

I sent one to Lizzie saying that he probably wants to take their relationship a stage further. I wasn’t being totally serious but it looks as if that’s where things might be heading. You see, Brett sent a message back to her asking if she’d lost her virginity yet. Now I’m sure we can all take a good guess as to where he’s heading with this one.

As for the Zoe and Reevesy break up, well, it wasn’t so long ago that she was seriously considering sleeping with him after he’d asked her to do so at Freda’s party. I suspect she was the one that broke up with him though now she’s got a thing for Brett.

I hope Lizzie and Brett don’t split up any time soon. For a start I think they make a nice couple but on the selfish side of things, it’d make seeing Leon all the more difficult.

I hope Lizzie doesn’t end up going all the way with Brett. She could well end up regretting it. I doubt she’d be that stupid but then a lot of people have been doing things I wouldn’t expect of them recently e.g. Cat Elliot!

I still really, really, really like Leon!!!