God knows what it is! – 12th February 2001

Monday 12th
7 weeks + 3 days to go!

Not a lot happened in college today. We’ve been growing bacteria on agar plates in Biology and today we looked at the results. However, the bacteria growing should have been a harmless purple one but there was a clear slimy one growing instead! God knows what it is! If all our Biology class becomes ill then we know why! The plates must have got contaminated with another bacteria somehow. Yuk!

I took the film Jake sent me to the chemist today to get it developed. I can get it back tomorrow morning so I hope it doesn’t make me cry in college when I look at the photos!

I ended up crying on the phone to him again tonight but then so did he! I’d been joking about running off with Mr C the cute Maths teacher if Jake didn’t come back but he seemed to take me seriously, told me he didn’t like me anymore and that I annoy him. Not surprisingly, that upset me!

He said he was only joking too (and I think he was but it didn’t sound like that!) and then he ended up getting upset too cos he said he misses me and doesn’t like the thought of me with other men/lads and he’s really protective of me.

Well, I miss his too… lots! I just want a hug from him, right now!

Bye!

Today’s emails →

12-02-01 Jake email12-02-01 Tess email

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What the hell is wrong with me?!? – 17th to 20th December 2000

Sunday 17th I am sooo worried!! If anything, my legs have got worse cos from my feet to my tummy button is all sort of numb. I can’t stop getting upset about it. What the hell is wrong with me?!?

Jake took me to see The Family Man at the cinema tonight. It was a really good film and took my mind off my legs a bit.

Bye!

Monday 18th Mum took me to the doctor’s today about my legs. He did lots of little tests to me but said that he really doesn’t know what it is. He did say not to worry seeing as my hand’s better but when you lose the feeling in your legs, it’s a bit difficult not to!

A few of us went round to Isaac’s tonight cos we had nothing else to do. We started a ransom note style letter to Hugo to go with the book we got him and it looks really good!

Sarah told me that the last time she was at work, some woman had paid by credit card and Sarah noticed her name was T. J. Taylor! Weird! Then, Sarah (being Sarah!) asked her if that was her real name!

Bye!

Tuesday 19th A group of us went to the Sports Club tonight and, other than Hayley being her usual loud, annoying self it was quite good!

Later on, we moved to The Beech Tree where Jake was with him fellow Venture Scouts. Ahh, how cute!

Bye!

Wednesday 20th It was the last day of school today before Christmas! Rather than go to Mr H’s sad college assembly where you’re forced to sing stuff like Old McDonald, play charades and eat biscuits, Cat and I went to church. That was quite good and it made me feel much more Christmassy!

The Swing Band played in the big school assembly which’ll be the last Xmas assembly for me at school 😦 Oh well!!

Then a few of us progressed on to The Coach and Horses. Mr P-K, Mr L and Mr B were all there too so that kept Cat happy!

It was the grading for our blue belts at kickboxing tonight and I’m really upset I’ve had to miss out cos of my legs. So, Jake took me to the cinema again to see Meet The Parents which is really funny!

Bye!

 

He wants to wipe out some of “the geeks”! Bastard!! – 13th July 2000

Thursday 13th I woke up this morning and I could hardly move. All my joints had totally seized up and it was so painful. My knees and wrist (which had been making crunching noises last night) were worst. I was on the verge of crying cos it was that bad!

I went to college anyway after being drugged up with Anadin cos we had the 1st day of the college Way Ahead conference where we have to sit and listen to teachers scare us about university and stuff! It was so boring really!

This lad called Kris Bates who hangs round in the pool room with all the people who think they’re the cool ones is going to be dead soon! My lot who hang round upstairs in college have been informed that he said he was going to put a bomb under Karen Brent’s car (which she’s driven me, Gethin, Floyd and Sarah to McDonald’s in at lunch) cos he wants to wipe out some of “the geeks”! Bastard!! He’s one to talk – he’s a manky, minging, greasy, short-arsed, bug-eyed, square-headed, stubby, chubby Peter Andre wannabe!!!

Mum made me a doctor’s appointment tonight about the joint pain. I go to Dr O and he’s nice and all but I still hate going. I told him how I’ve had tonsillitis and then a rash and now the pain and he listened to my heart and then decided to take a throat swab and a blood test. That I didn’t like! It wasn’t as sore as I thought it’d be though. I’ll get the results next week sometime. Well, that’s something to look forward to. NOT!!

Jake phoned me tonight. He told me he was bored and starving and wants to go home! He said he’d been to Bratislava today and it was horrible and that he got searched on the Slovenian border. He’s in Vienna now in the best hostel yet, apparently! He asked how I was feeling and I told him and he said that I always seem to be ill. I’ve only been ill 3 times now while I’ve been going out with him and he’s not been well all the time himself.

Later on he sent me 3 messages after I said I wasn’t doing much but then I should be used to it cos I’m “always ill” according to him! He said, “I’M NOT SAYING IT’S YOUR FAULT THAT YOU’RE ILL MORE! JUST THAT IT’S NOT FAIR THAT IT’S YOU WHO’S ILL! THEN AGAIN IF YOU DON’T GET BETTER SOON I’M GONNA…” then, “HAVE IT TOO COS THERE’S NO WAY I’M STAYING AWAY FROM YOU COS THAT WOULD BE EVEN WORSE THAN IT IS NOW! AT LEAST I CAN’T PHYSICALLY SEE YOU – IF YOU WERE…” then, “AT HOME AND SO WAS I AND I COULDN’T SEE YOU IT WOULD BE HORRIBLE! : ( OOPS – SORRY IF I’VE BLOCKED YOUR SIM AGAIN! : ) LOTS OF LOVE!! xJx”.

I then explained to him that I’ve been told that I’m only getting ill more due to my immune system being lower due to recently coming off antibiotics (which were Minocyclin but I didn’t tell him that). He said, “OHHHH RIGHT – I DON’T THINK I KNEW THAT! SORRY! FOUND A MCDONALD’S! : ) CHEERED UP A BIT! BUT I’M STILL KINDA HOMESICK AND I REALLY MISS YOU!!! : ( xxxxx”. I’m sure I’ve mentioned it before.

I told him I need a cuddle and he said, “UUUGGHH! DON’T SAY THINGS LIKE THAT WHEN I’M IN BED! WANT LOTS N LOTS OF HUGS/CUDDLES/KISSES! JUST CAN’T HAVE EM NOW! I’LL HAVE TO MAKE UP FOR EM WHEN I SEE YOU! xJx”. Hope so!

Bye!

I’m going to fail so badly! – 15th June 2000

Thursday 15th Sarah and I went to the Trafford Centre again after Geography today. Our excuse was that it was “therapy” because we’ve been stressing about the next 2 exams that we’re going to fail tomorrow!

I was really looking for a dress for Alex’s party on Saturday but I couldn’t find one I liked so I ended up with another top from Bay. I also bought a Dingly Dangly Cow from S F Cody’s cos it’s really cute! It’s a baby’s toy really I think but I’m not bothered!

We saw Andy and his mate in HMV! We think they saw us cos they looked up when I pointed at them. I don’t think we’ll be telling Hayley cos she’d probably cry!

We also saw Ralph briefly. He just said hi.

Since I got home, I’ve been really worrying about these module exams tomorrow. Exams don’t normally bother me at all though. I just can’t take anything in and when I go back to look at it later, I’ve forgotten it all! I’m going to fail so badly!

Just to make my concentration levels decrease even more in the Geography exam tomorrow, Jake’s going to be in there too! I’ve totally had it! I might as well just not bother turning up!!

Bye!

He’s just got good taste, that’s all!! – 6th & 7th June 2000

Tuesday 6th Well, I successfully failed my first Biology module exam this afternoon! Hardly any of the stuff I’d revised was on the bloody paper! Typical!! I’ll just have to re-sit!

I need to see Jake! I just want a hug and a decent kiss off him! The problem is, 4 days is nothing compared to how long we’re going to be apart in the future! He sent Gethin a message today which included the words, “I MISS TESS!” Actually, that could’ve been one that he sent him last night that Gethin just decided to show me.

I found out that Philip Daly (Floyd’s brother in Year 7!) has admitted he’s bisexual and that he fancies Jake. I felt really sorry for him cos he’s been worrying that I hate him cos of that so I made sure I let him know that I didn’t! He’s just got good taste, that’s all!!

I’ve been reading the leaflet that came with the Dianette. There are tons of side effects. They’re all horrible blood clot things, weight gain, severe depression and stuff! I’m a bit worried actually!

Bye!

Wednesday 7th I was reunited with Jake again today! 🙂 There’s not really much to tell though. I only got quick kisses, no snogs, but at least I saw him! He had a Physics exam this afternoon (which he came out of saying he’d failed! I know the feeling!!) so he was revising this morning. There was one section in his textbook that involved the name ‘Bond’ and the word ‘tesla’ (whatever that is!) and he said he can remember that bit because it’s like Lizzie Bond and me!

Abby’s now going out with Connor Benson from kickboxing. His best mate, Chris T from kickboxing who she originally fancied, doesn’t know yet! I sense trouble! Wonder why?!

Bye!

Hayley, yet again, burst into tears – 22nd May 2000

Monday 22nd Jake was at Alton Towers today so I’ve not seen him at all. My mum said she saw his car parked near her school all day so he must have gone there with Ali Kershaw.

I got the results from my mock exams today. I got Es on both papers for Biology and a C on one Geography paper (not had the other one back yet). It’s not been such a good day. I liked college much better when Jake was there.

I’ve also had a bit of a falling out with Hayley. Rachael Hollins had been talking about Andy’s mates to Georgia Dean and Lena and had accidentally said “Andy” instead of someone else’s name as Hayley walked in. Hayley immediately ran off in floods of tears.

Later on, Hayley sat in the common room and Rachael was talking loudly about something which had no link to Hayley whatsoever but Hayley automatically assumed Rach was talking loudly just to wind her up when in actual fact she just always talks at that volume!

Then, after I had a free, Hayley came back from her lesson and said, “So, what’s the little bitch been saying about me then?” (meaning Rach who hadn’t mentioned Hayley) so I told her not to be so bleeding paranoid. Then she started going on about how she was going to snap soon (making it sound like she’s going to slap Rach or something) so I told Hayley that she’d better not expect me to stop talking to Rach and that Rach hadn’t even meant to say what she did in the first place.

Hayley, yet again, burst into tears saying, “It’s nice to know my best mates are sticking up for me!” extremely sarcastically. She’s been looking for an excuse to get at Rachael for ages cos she doesn’t like her much so she’s not prepared to listen to the truth cos she knows she’s in the wrong now and not Rach. Silly girl!!

I had another phone call from Hugo tonight. He told me more about Jake’s mum. He said she started off with breast cancer and it spread to her liver and now her brain and she’s got about a month left. He says she went into the hospice so that Robbie and Jake have a better chance of concentrating for their exams or something.

All day yesterday, I kept filling up with tears every time I thought about it and then there’s the affect it’ll have on Jake and I don’t know how to handle it really which is probably what’s upsetting me cos it’s all so horrible.

Hugo said tonight that Jake has asked him to mention it to me cos he doesn’t know how to tell me and doesn’t want me to think he’s doing it to get attention off me. I definitely wouldn’t think that!

Hugo also said that, yesterday, Jake had had to go out when his dad got home from seeing his mum cos he’d just broken down and Jake couldn’t bear to see him like that.

I’m finding it very difficult to write all this without crying now.

Hugo told me as well that he’d had messages off Jake saying how much he was glad he had him as a best mate and someone to love like he does me. Apparently Jake also said that he thinks I’m ‘the one’ but I’m not sure how much of all this is true due to Hugo being the one telling me. I get the impression that he’s not a reliable source of information!

I’m beginning to realise now why Jake’s not saying much to me about his mum. I mean, I can’t fully understand but I’m finding it difficult to speak to anyone about it myself, even though I want to tell someone cos it’s upsetting me too. I just don’t know what to say though and people might think I’ve not got any right to be upset about it so I’m tending to keep most of it to myself.

Just got a message from someone but the number at the top’s weird! I think it’s Hugo cos it starts, “YO TESS” like his always do. It mentions Jake and it doesn’t make much sense at one point! It says, “YO HI TESS GOT SICK OF TYPING ARE OFF THE NET SO HOW R U ITS GOOD THAT U AND JAKE ARE TOGETHER BECAUSE I THINK THAT U R PERFECT FOR HIM AND U MAKE A GOOD COUPLE!!” There’s also no punctuation in it which is another thing that makes me think it’s him!

Bye!

We could tell he was pissed – 19th May 2000

Friday 19th All the Year 11s and College 2s left officially today so we stole the comfy chairs out of their downstairs common room and put them in ours!

I really don’t want Jake to leave college cos I’ve got so used to seeing him every day and I won’t anymore. I saw him this morning (he was wearing that lovely pink shirt that he won’t admit is pink!) but he went to The Coach and Horses with all his mates in the afternoon (fair enough) but then he came back towards the end of the day cos he had to get the school bus home cos he’d not brought his car cos he knew he’d be drinking!

He just came and sat in our room with us for a bit but we could tell he was pissed cos he couldn’t quite sit up straight and had to keep leaning on me! He also let me paint his nails again! He said he likes me doing it but he just doesn’t like the after effects!

He said he’s still got the present that Hayley and I gave him yesterday hanging in his car. He said his dad’s seem it and thought it was good but he didn’t tell him what each part represented. He told his sister though and she thought it was cool! Hmmm!

When the bell went for the end of school, he wouldn’t go! He just hung on to me saying “kiss” until I gave him one! I got up to get my bag and he hung on to my waist and cuddled me from behind and just said, “Love you”. He’s sooo sweet!

We’ve arranged to go to The Dog tonight so I’ll write about that tomorrow.

Bye!