I was so flustered and embarrassed – 15th March 2001

Thursday 15th
3 weeks to go!

I was a bit insulted today when I read the email Jake sent me today. It’s the way he kept saying how awful that photo was! I didn’t think it was that bad, you see, so I said Cat could scan it and send it to him if she really wanted to. It’s not the best picture ever but it’s not THAT bad. It’s just close up, that’s all!

Run - Tess, Suzie, Cat in field

I’ve seen worse photos of me than that one! Mind you, when I went into his Hotmail inbox and check out the email with the picture, it had turned out to be huge so I suppose that didn’t help!

I had a really crap Biology lesson today. I’d only done half the homework and what I had done was wrong because I’d been looking at the wrong page in the text book. We spent most of the lesson going through the homework so whenever Mr S asked me a question, I either didn’t know the answer or got it wrong.

He then told me that he wanted to see me after the lesson and everybody heard him so I was really embarrassed by that! I was already embarrassed by the fact I couldn’t answer anything and I could see everyone thinking I must be thick or something! Brainbox Cat then started trying to ‘help’ me by finding the right page and plonking it in front of me but that just showed me up even more! I just hate being the centre of attention in class!

At break, I stayed behind and blagged my way through a reason as to why I hadn’t done the homework properly. Mr S seemed to believe me but by then I was so flustered and embarrassed and annoyed at myself that I burst into tears as soon as I got out of the room. I managed to compose myself again pretty quickly though, ready to face the questions in the common room about what’d happened and stuff!

Jake rang at about 4:40pm today. We talked about uni mostly cos I sent off my final decision today. I put down the Environmental Science with Geography sandwich course at Huddersfield Uni as my firm choice and declined the rest. I asked Jake whether he’s going to put down mixed or single sex accommodation when he has to choose. He says he’s going to ask Matt Carrera (his mate that’s already there) what he thinks is best but is thinking he’s probably going to put all lads. I’m not sure. Lads could be a bit of a pain to live with (but so can girls!) but all girls could get bitchy! I’ll decide nearer the time.

We’re halfway down the hill now! Only a quarter of the time left to go until he comes home!

CYMERA_20190407_181536.jpg

Bye!

Today’s emails →

15-03-01 Jake email15-03-01 Tess email

He’s such a gimp! – 9th March 2001

Friday 9th
3 weeks + 6 days to go!

Donna went down to the history department today to confront Mr L about lying. He’s been telling Cat nothing ever went on with Donna and vice versa! He’s such a gimp! He could’ve got away with doing stuff with just one of them but how could you not realise how risky it is to go for them both?! They were bound to find out about each other.

Anyway, Donna showed him the email that Cat printed off for her. He still didn’t admit to anything. Instead, he told Donna that Cat’s a “twisted psycho”! Erm… I don’t think Cat the twisted one somehow!

Cat went to speak to Mr L later on and again he went on about how hurt and betrayed HE felt!! Their argument was interrupted though by people walking into the history office where they were.

I felt really sorry for Lizzie and Karen today. They got the results back from the last lot of Maths exams they did. They both got 2 Us and an N. So basically they failed them all. They both had to leave their Maths lesson cos they were so upset. The head of Maths wanted to speak to them about what to do but I think they needed to calm down first.

The problem is that Karen wants to do Medicine and Lizzie wants to do Sports Therapy at uni and they both need quite high points. They could’ve made up for Maths with General Studies but neither of their courses accept that. Karen did plan out what she’d do if it all went wrong a while ago but Lizzie hasn’t got a clue.

We did The Run tonight. There were a few of our year and LOADS of College 1s. I spoke to Lizzie and Karen and they’ve sorted out what they’re going to do about Maths. Karen’s decided to try really hard and stick with the A Level cos she’s been told that she could get a grade if she knuckles down. Lizzie however has decided to drop down to AS Level which is the safer option. She said she should be able to get some points with that rather than none if she carried on at A Level.

Tonight was okay apart from when Freda pulled a stool out from under me in The Grey Hen. It was quite funny….. until the pain set in! I’d banged my head and left elbow on a chair and landed on my coccyx. I then started worrying that a jolt like that could make my legs/arm go numb again if that’s what caused it in the first place. I got into the toilets out of everybody’s way and just burst into tears. Sarah followed me in and so did a few others. They comforted me for a bit and said how stupid Freda can be sometimes. She did something similar to Karen the other day at college. Stupid cow!

I recovered pretty quickly, finished what was left of my drink (the rest went down Freda! Ha ha ha!!!) and moved on to The Mossland. The pub quiz was on there and my ex-stalker, Paul Nutt, was participating in it. A pub quiz doesn’t quite suit his image of a complete freak though so I thought it was quite amusing!

Floyd ended up snogging Nell (a lesbian). Now this, nobody quite understood! It’s the only other girl Floyd’s ever been with apart from Cat and he likes lesbians so I suppose it was quite good for him! It was a bit odd though! It wasn’t even one kiss either, they were all over each other all night! Strange!

Sarah tried very hard to get a snog out of the night but was unfortunately unsuccessful. She tried Marcus Eden (cos we heard Hayley fancies him but he’d be wasted on her!), Drew Lawley and Ben Jones but none of them seem interested. Knowing her luck, they’re probably all gay!

I really hope Jake can come home early. I really need him back! I miss him sooooo much!

Bye!

Today’s emails →

09-03-01 Jake email09-03-01 Tess email before

09-03-01 Tess email after

He’s being a complete nasty bastard – 7th & 8th March 2001

Wednesday 7th
4 weeks + 1 days to go!

Donna Sharpe is cooperating with Cat about Mr L now. Cat’s explained about how he’s being a complete nasty bastard towards her and I think she showed Donna the emails he’s sent her to prove it. Donna wants a copy of an email so she can go to history, yell at him and use it as evidence that he’s a liar!

Jake phoned at about 4:40pm today. His dad’s arrived in Banff now so I think he’s going to skip skiing and spend the day with him. Jake told me that his dad met Emma while she was seeing his brother and that he thought she was nice. That then led to the subject of his brother telling me his dad didn’t like me.

Jake got all bothered and said that his dad wouldn’t have said it cos he’s harmless and not like that. He also reminded me that his brother slagged me off to his mate Hugo a while back too. I’d forgotten about that. Great! So if it’s true then both his dad and brother don’t particularly like me.

At least his sister stuck up for me when his dad found out about what his bro said! She yelled at her bro, saying it was a really mean thing to say! 🙂

The snow’s still melting cos it’s really warming up there apparently! 🙂 He’s spoken to his dad about coming home a week early and his dad says that’s okay! I hope he does! A week doesn’t sound that much but it’d be nice to see him sooner rather than later!

Bye!

Thursday 8th
4 weeks to go!

Jake rang at about 4:30pm today. He warned me that if I don’t get an email from him tonight then it’s because he’s stuck at Lake Louise. I’m not allowed to worry! He’s skiing as normal but is meeting his dad afterwards so won’t be getting his usual bus back. Instead, he’s going to be getting the last bus back to Banff so if he misses that or his dad’s got the times wrong then he’s stuck there!

He told me it’s still warming up where he is so the snow’s continuing to melt. He said he still wants to come home early so he’s going to check the airline’s website to see if there are any earlier flights back to Heathrow that have got a spare seat for him. 🙂 He thinks he’ll book it if there are any! 🙂

I really do hope he can come home earlier cos then I’ve only got 3 weeks to wait now! He kept telling me not to get my hopes up just in case it doesn’t happen but it’s difficult not to because I really, really want/need to see him!

Bye!

Wednesday’s emails →

07-03-01 Jake email07-03-01 Tess email

Thursday’s emails →

08-03-01 Jake email08-03-01 Tess email

He jacked off in front of her in the history cupboard! – 3rd March 2001

Saturday 3rd
4 weeks + 5 days to go!

Cat phoned me today cos she’s worrying about the Mr L thing cos she’s had some emails from him saying how HE feels hurt and betrayed and stuff cos he reckons she told people on the ski trip that he jacked off in front of her in the history cupboard!

She was okay once she’d been reassured that he’s the one that’s going to get the bollocking if this all gets out, not her. She sent him a nasty email back! 🙂

Oh wow! My mum brought some Playmobil home from her primary school today so I could put all the stickers on and stuff. It’s sooo cool! She’s got a big yellow digger, a truck, a compactor and a Portaloo with all the little builders and stuff! Hee hee! 🙂

Jake phoned me at about 7:15pm. He said he’s still enjoying his first aid course thing. He was only on a 15 minute break from it when he phoned so he couldn’t talk for long. He told me that they’re rearranging the ski groups on Monday so he’s hoping he won’t be put in a group with 2 boring older blokes like he was before! He said they’re really swotty and suck up to the instructors cos they want to get good. I thought the whole point was to get good but I suppose that doesn’t mean you have to suck up!

Bye!

Telling “lies” about him and college girls – 26th February 2001

Monday 26th
5 weeks + 3 days to go!

I had to go back to college again today. All the ski trip people were going on about skiing. Declan filled Cat and me in on the whole Mr L thing though!

Jacqueline and Kim had been talking in the toilets about Mr L getting off with college students. Mrs L was in one of the cubicles and even though Jac was telling Kim to shut up, Kim carried on talking. Mrs L came out, called them silly little whores and asked if they got off on gossip and stuff, before going and reporting them to the teachers.

Meanwhile, Jac and Kim had wandered back to their friends (which included my sister) so when Mr L found them, he yelled at them all. He was calling them all sorts of names and even threatened to get them expelled. He kept saying how they could ruin his life and career by telling “lies” about him and college girls.

Later on, he sent Declan to his room (he’d been part of the group he yelled at) but Declan sneaked back into the bar. Mr L caught him drinking tequila slammers and told him to go to Mr C’s (the headteacher) office with his parents on Monday morning. He couldn’t have been serious cos Mr L would’ve had to explain everything to Mr C, so Declan ignored the threat.

Kim was made to apologise to Mr L, even though they both knew full well how true everything Kim said is! Mr L was saying how hurt he was and was apparently nearly crying. Prick!

Even Mr P-K (his mate) has fallen out with him, saying he’s been digging his own grave. He must suspect there’s some truth in it at least. Miss P thinks it’s all a load of “bullshit”, as do most other people.

Mrs L yelled at Mr L. Ha ha ha!!!

This has the potential to get very interesting now everyone’s back in school!

Jake didn’t ring me at 4pm. I started to worry because after last night he promised he wouldn’t do it again. I hate the feeling I get when he doesn’t phone. It’s horrible! I had to revise for my Biology exams tomorrow but I couldn’t concentrate at all.

I worry myself into a total state and it’s so horrible. I couldn’t stop crying like last night. It’s partly worry but partly annoyance for making me feel like that. I also get kind of annoyed with myself for getting like I do but I can’t help it. I do try to think positive and calm down but there’s always that awful feeling of dread in my stomach. I just don’t know what I’d do if something did happen to him but then it’s the not knowing that makes me feel so bad.

Anyway, I decided I couldn’t just sit about worrying cos I’d get no revision done so I phoned the number for his hotel from my mobile cos I had loads of credit. I didn’t think it’d work but it did. I just asked the woman if she could put me through to room 207 and she did. It only rang twice though then went silent then cut off. I tried a second time and the same thing happened.

At about 5:15pm I tried for a 3rd time. This time (to my surprise!) it worked. It was his roommate Rob who answered the phone but I had to ask who it was cos I wasn’t sure! I asked if Jake was there and he called him over. I really wasn’t expecting him to be there cos he said he was skiing. I didn’t want him to think I’d been worrying cos by this time I felt stupid for doing so and getting all worked up. I lied and said I was just ringing on the off-chance he’d be there to tell him not to ring (if he hadn’t already) cos I wasn’t going to be home for another half hour!

He said he had only just got up. He asked if I’d phoned twice before and I said I had and he explained that they tried to answer it but it probably wasn’t working cos during a food fight last night, a drink got spilt on it or something.

By the time I’d put the phone down I felt really stupid for worrying cos him not getting up was one of the things I’d been trying to convince myself of. I was also annoyed with him for putting me through that for a 2nd night running. I mean, I know I can’t expect him to ring me every day but when he stresses he will and wants to then doesn’t, that’s when I worry cos it’s not like him to break his word!

Jake phoned me back at about 6:40pm. He apologised for not phoning when he said and told me he didn’t know no-one was going skiing today. He told me he’ll ring at about 4:45pm tomorrow and that if one day he doesn’t ring at 4:30ish (before he gets the bus), he’ll ring between 7 & 8pm from Lake Louise when he has lunch.

The thing is, now he’s not rung a few times when he said he will, maybe I won’t worry as much if that happens in the future. Hopefully I won’t have to find out though! I don’t like having to worry and I do try hard not to cos Mum and people keep saying I’m pathetic but if someone you care about is so far away, wouldn’t you worry too in the same situation?

Bye!

P.S. I’ve had a slight throbbing feeling in my legs again like I did a while ago and on my left foot some of my toes and the ball of my foot feel a bit numb.

Today’s emails →

26-02-01 Jake email26-02-01 Tess email

God knows what it is! – 12th February 2001

Monday 12th
7 weeks + 3 days to go!

Not a lot happened in college today. We’ve been growing bacteria on agar plates in Biology and today we looked at the results. However, the bacteria growing should have been a harmless purple one but there was a clear slimy one growing instead! God knows what it is! If all our Biology class becomes ill then we know why! The plates must have got contaminated with another bacteria somehow. Yuk!

I took the film Jake sent me to the chemist today to get it developed. I can get it back tomorrow morning so I hope it doesn’t make me cry in college when I look at the photos!

I ended up crying on the phone to him again tonight but then so did he! I’d been joking about running off with Mr C the cute Maths teacher if Jake didn’t come back but he seemed to take me seriously, told me he didn’t like me anymore and that I annoy him. Not surprisingly, that upset me!

He said he was only joking too (and I think he was but it didn’t sound like that!) and then he ended up getting upset too cos he said he misses me and doesn’t like the thought of me with other men/lads and he’s really protective of me.

Well, I miss his too… lots! I just want a hug from him, right now!

Bye!

Today’s emails →

12-02-01 Jake email12-02-01 Tess email

What the hell is wrong with me?!? – 17th to 20th December 2000

Sunday 17th I am sooo worried!! If anything, my legs have got worse cos from my feet to my tummy button is all sort of numb. I can’t stop getting upset about it. What the hell is wrong with me?!?

Jake took me to see The Family Man at the cinema tonight. It was a really good film and took my mind off my legs a bit.

Bye!

Monday 18th Mum took me to the doctor’s today about my legs. He did lots of little tests to me but said that he really doesn’t know what it is. He did say not to worry seeing as my hand’s better but when you lose the feeling in your legs, it’s a bit difficult not to!

A few of us went round to Isaac’s tonight cos we had nothing else to do. We started a ransom note style letter to Hugo to go with the book we got him and it looks really good!

Sarah told me that the last time she was at work, some woman had paid by credit card and Sarah noticed her name was T. J. Taylor! Weird! Then, Sarah (being Sarah!) asked her if that was her real name!

Bye!

Tuesday 19th A group of us went to the Sports Club tonight and, other than Hayley being her usual loud, annoying self it was quite good!

Later on, we moved to The Beech Tree where Jake was with him fellow Venture Scouts. Ahh, how cute!

Bye!

Wednesday 20th It was the last day of school today before Christmas! Rather than go to Mr H’s sad college assembly where you’re forced to sing stuff like Old McDonald, play charades and eat biscuits, Cat and I went to church. That was quite good and it made me feel much more Christmassy!

The Swing Band played in the big school assembly which’ll be the last Xmas assembly for me at school 😦 Oh well!!

Then a few of us progressed on to The Coach and Horses. Mr P-K, Mr L and Mr B were all there too so that kept Cat happy!

It was the grading for our blue belts at kickboxing tonight and I’m really upset I’ve had to miss out cos of my legs. So, Jake took me to the cinema again to see Meet The Parents which is really funny!

Bye!