HELP!!!!!!! – 26th September 2000

Tuesday 26th I can’t cope!! I’m getting so stressed about everything now! I think I’m going to have a nervous breakdown! There are just so many things for me to worry about at the moment.

Firstly, there’s my Geography project which my teacher has decided he wants in 2 weeks. There’s no way I’m going to get it all finished for then. Now my Sports Studies teachers want us to start on our projects for them. This is on top of all the other homework I’m getting for all 3 subjects.

The other major thing is our UCAS application forms have got to be done before the October half term and I’m not even sure which courses I want to do or where I want to apply to. Plus I haven’t got a clue how to write my dreaded personal statement.

Linked with the whole uni thing is Jake. He got all depressed today cos he’s read some article in a uni magazine about some girl who had a boyfriend and ended up having to split up with him cos she was missing out on uni stuff. Also, he read some advice that said you’re better off splitting up before you go off to uni.

This made him worry that we aren’t going to last and now I’m going to feel awful if I don’t go to Huddersfield with him because of some messages he sent me.

He said, “NO!!! NEVER WANT TO SPLIT UP! THERE’S NO WAY THAT COULD MAKE THINGS BETTER! I JUST COULDN’T STAND TO WATCH US MOVE APART WITH US NOT SEEING MUCH OF EACH OTHER.”

And then he said, “IF YOU WENT TO HUDDERSFIELD I’D BE SOOO HAPPY! : ) AND I’D DEFINITELY GO! JUST DON’T WANT YOU TO CHOOSE THE WRONG COURSE BY GOING THERE! I COULD NEVER SPLIT UP WITH YOU! xJx”.

Then later, “YEH I AM GOING TO HUDDERSFIELD BUT IF YOU WENT SOMEWHERE ELSE I WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU AND I’D PROBABLY FAIL AND DROP OUT! I NEED YOU!!! xJx”.

I sarcastically replied saying something about “no pressure then” and he said, “I’M SORRY ABOUT THE PRESSURE! BUT I WOULD REALLY LIKE IT SOOO MUCH IF YOU DID GO THERE! I WOULDN’T WORK IN ASDA IF I DROPPED OUT, ALTHOUGH IT’S BETTER THAN KWIK SAVE! : ) LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH! x”.

After that, I’m stressing even more cos I really want to get into Huddersfield now.

All that came out cos when I saw him today, he was hugging me loads more than usual so I asked him why and he told me about that article.

The other thing I’m bothered about is work. I still hate it! Every time I think about going, it fills me with dread! I’d quit but I associate that with people like Zoe and Roxy who are total drop-outs.

Then there’s kickboxing. I’ve got a grading next week and I’ve not been able to get there for the last 2 weeks. My instructor’s going to kill me!

HELP!!!!!!!

Bye!

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It reminded me a lot of something off a problem page! – 19th & 20th September 2000

Tuesday 19th I must have fallen asleep before Jake had finished sending me messages cos when I got up this morning, I had one saying, “I DON’T LIKE PLANNING THINGS BUT IF WE DO GET TO DECEMBER AND NO-ONE’S HAD A PARTY… WELL! : ) I DO WANT TO! COULD GO TO AN OPEN DAY… A LONG WAY AWAY AND STAY OVER! x”.

I replied telling him I couldn’t really see that happening and he said, “I KNOW! IT’S ALREADY GOING VERY QUICKLY! WISH WE WERE RICH THEN WE WOULDN’T HAVE TO MAKE DO WITH A YOUTH HOSTEL! DON’T TELL ME I’VE BEEN TOO SLOW AGAIN! : ) LOVE YOU! x”.

I told him that he’d been too slow in asking me out after I found out how long he’d liked me which is what the last bit was about!

Later he said, “I SPOSE IT’S A VERY BIG STEP TO TAKE AND YOU WANT TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU WANT TO! SOME PEOPLE’S RELATIONSHIPS ARE JUST SEXUAL SO FOR US TO BE THIS CLOSE NOW JUST SHOWS HOW GOOD WE ARE TOGETHER AND HOW STRONG OUR RELATIONSHIP IS… DOESN’T IT? : ) LOVE YOU LOADS!!! xJx”.

That was a very nice message but it reminded me a lot of something off a problem page!

I saw Jake briefly today in my free lessons but then I saw him later cos he came round to my house. Nothing happened cos my family kept wandering about and we got worried about them coming in.

Bye!

Wednesday 20th I went to the Environmental Sciences talk thing at Huddersfield University today so Sarah, Hayley, Jake and I all went along. I really, really like it there! We went to the talk thing with this Robert Allen bloke and there was only one other lad there. It was more helpful than I thought it’d be though cos he told us what needs to go on our personal statements and stuff.

For the rest of the day, we just wandered round the uni and the town. Jake showed me which block he’s going to be in and then got stopped by some bloke asking for money and he gave him £2 cos he’s nice! He also saw a lad called Chris (I think) that used to be in his year at school.

Sarah and Hayley spent most of the day lad watching and when Hayley tried to involve me in it, Jake (quite rightly, I suppose) got ready to sulk!

On our way home, Jake dropped me off before Hayley so I was a bit annoyed cos I couldn’t even give him a hug while she was in the car cos she’d have made some comment. I sulked for a bit through text messages and then it came out that he’s worried about Hayley’s influence over me when he’s in Canada. He thinks I’ll be hanging round with her ex Andy and his mates again. I corrected him that, if I can help it, I won’t be!

Bye!

He said I’d fall in love with Hudderfield – 10th May 2000

Wednesday 10th I went to Huddersfield University open day today. I really like it there! I can just see myself being there! It’s good cos it’s a direct train there from Warrington which only takes about an hour and then the uni’s only a 10 minute walk from the station. It’s got a nice town centre (with McDonald’s!!) and the uni’s got canals and bridges and stuff going through it. Unfortunately, I didn’t get chance to see the accommodation but the rest I like.

Floyd, Sarah and Lizzie came with me. We went in a Physiotherapy and Podiatry lecture and they told us they don’t expect as much experience cos they know it’s harder to get some now due to the popularity of the course. I need a back up plan just in case I can’t do it.

Jake told me the accommodation’s nice in a text message. He was on about Storthes Hall which is 4 miles away though.

I saw Gethin’s older sister who I know but she didn’t see me. She just walked past the window of McDonald’s at lunch.

We got back home earlier than we expected so I did get to see Jake after all. He was wearing shorts.

Hayley rang me later and told me stuff. Apparently, Brian told her that Gethin used to really fancy me about 6 months ago, Jake has showed her some of the messages I’ve sent him and she also told me he said I’d fall in love with Hudderfield cos he did. He is also meant to have said he can see why Gethin fancied me or something. This all came from Hayley so it’s hard to know how true it all is!

Jake did show her messages. I texted him about it and he said it was just his favourite ones that he showed. One was the one when I put that I couldn’t fit how much I loved him into a text message or whatever!

Bye!