I’ve got over my stupid insecure worryings – 12th May 2002

Sunday 12th  I’ve spent almost all week with Jonas and I’ve got over my stupid insecure worryings. I really, really love him and being with him and he makes me sooo happy! 🙂 Mmm!

Jonas came out with me and my mates to Visage on Tuesday. I was really pleased when he said he would and it was a pretty good night. I had someone to take the piss out of all the crappy dancey music with and he was all cuddly and kissy and nice and we had nice proper snogs. He’s got bright red hair now too. We dyed it again! I didn’t want to leave him the next morning at all when I went to uni but I got a big hug and kiss off him. 🙂

Jonas didn’t come out on Thursday. Pierced Sam was there and he said hi and kissed me on the cheek. Hazel said I’ll have to visit her next year and we can all meet at the bottom of the hill to go out.

I went to Lincoln with Jonas again this weekend. His sister got bollocked by his mum for drinking cider on the park behind the house. Doh!

Bye!

I really, really didn’t want to dump him – 5th May 2002

Sunday 5th  Since I last wrote in here, quite a bit has happened. On 25th April, my flatmate Layla went out for her birthday. She had a large gathering at the flat first before we all made our way into town. I hung round with Violet, Ronan, Vi’s mate Jo and his coursemate Max cos we didn’t really know many of Layla’s friends and some were pretty slapperish and annoying.

Jonas was supposed to meet me at some point but the first time I phoned him he was still in Sharkey’s with his mate Mitch so I went on ahead to Bar Non. At about midnight, I got a voicemail message from Jonas saying a drunken, “I love you!” and stuff with Mitch in the background but when I tried to ring him back, I kept getting his answer service. I kept trying but couldn’t get hold of him so I went back to Storthes without him.

I was a bit worried when I got back about where he’d got to but I eventually managed to get through and he just said, “Hello?” in a really dozy way before it cut off. I thought I’d woken him up at first but then I got another 2 voicemails saying, “I won’t to be able to stay with you, sorry.” I could tell he was crying so I was very, very worried and upset.

The only thing I could think of as to why he hadn’t met me or answered his phone and sounded upset was that he’d snogged someone else cos he was drunk. I couldn’t really believe he’d do that but then I couldn’t think of another explanation. Him being hurt didn’t cross my mind but then I thought he would’ve told me. However, I was wrong.

After sitting on my floor in tears, throwing my phone about in frustration and even trying to ring his housemate Russell, Jonas eventually sent me a text saying, “I’M IN HOSPITAL GETTING MY HEAD CHECKED” and that was it. My immediate reaction was relief cos he hadn’t cheated on me, then guilt for even considering that he had and then panic again cos I didn’t know what had happened to him. Before the text, I’d be worrying about what to do if he told me he’d snogged a girl. I really, really didn’t want to dump him but I thought I’d have to and that really upset me cos I didn’t want to be without him.

I eventually got a phone call from Jonas saying he’d been beaten up. He sounded very upset so that made me cry even more. He said he’d see me tomorrow and explain but I really couldn’t sleep for tears and worrying.

The next day after much more worrying, I got to see Jonas when he came round. He was all cut and bruised and very tired and a bit confused. He told me it was 5 lads that did it. He’d been in Warehouse and dancing a lot and apparently girls were watching him so some bloke shoved him and he shoved back. They got chucked out but the bouncers gave Mitch and Jonas a head start. The lad and his mates managed to catch up with them by the new Kingsgate Centre and Jonas pinned one down and said he didn’t want a fight.

The lad was obviously embarrassed by being overpowered by someone wearing a “I’m not a bitch, I’m THE Bitch and that’s Miss Bitch to you” t-shirt so he fought anyway. Jonas ended up being kicked in the head for about 5 minutes but luckily it was all on security camera and the police turned up and arrested 3 of the lads. I’m sooo glad he’s alright cos even the police said it looked really nasty. He was lucky. Mind you, even with head injuries we got to level 5!

That weekend I was with Jonas all the time. We watched the F1 together and went to the Arb with Archie and his brother. We also got to level 5 twice in the same night.

The next time I went to Bar Non was a better night than the previous time. It didn’t take much though! Archie was trying to pull a girl called Natalie but was let down and was upset about it. I got dragged round by Hazel all night trying to find some lad called Simon. We eventually did and he lives with Bronwen’s brother at Primrose Hill. Bronwen’s bro (Tom, I think) tried to get me to go back to his house but, obviously, I refused. I had a few lads pinching my arse too. I wanted Jonas there.

I was going to go to a Mansun gig with Jonas in Manchester but I couldn’t in the end cos Pierced Sam was taking his girlfriend instead. Jonas brought be back a t-shirt though which was sweet. 🙂

I had a worry about me and Jonas again while I was watching Teachers because someone said if you have to ask if it’s ok, it might not be. However, I then realised I was just being stupid and insecure because I do love him and I don’t want to be without him. I’ve been through reasons about Easter and I think my brain might just be preparing me for the worst, just in case something happens e.g. an “Emma” and he goes off me. I’ve got to trust he won’t though cos I know he loves me and he’s not Jake, thankfully, cos everything went wrong with him. I prefer Jonas too!

I went to Gainsborough with Jonas today so he could clear his dad’s garage out. I actually enjoyed it quite a lot. We talked about my year work experience and Jonas said he’ll come with me for it if it’s far away 🙂 but he said it’d be awful not living together when we got back. True. I hope we’re still together then, I really do.

Bye!

I was very, very, very pissed off – 23rd April 2002 – Part 4

Tuesday 23rd continued  I’ve been to Manchester twice with Jonas to try and get tickets for T in the Park but unsuccessfully so we ended up buying loads of clothes and stuff in Affleck’s Palace instead.

There were rumours going round that Jake was seeing Sophie but Archie set me straight and said they just snogged and stuff a few times cos Jake isn’t that interested. That was during a good night in the Arb. Jonas ended up quite tipsy and asked if I’d marry him (in the future!). I said I would. He said he wants to be with me forever again. 🙂 He also bought condoms over the counter for the 1st time. What an achievement! 🙂

Anyway, since I’ve been back after Easter, my main concerns has been looking for a house for me, Archie, Jen and Kevin. It has caused me much stress cos I’ve been the one doing the ringing round etc. and being told “Sorry, the house has been taken” over and over again.

We looked round a house in Birkby owned by someone Archie works with. The house was quite nice but we’ve been told to avoid Birkby and Fartown in the past. So, I carried on going through uni’s house list and managed to make an appointment to see 3 on the same day. The 1st was a total dump. We decided we didn’t want to live in it before we even got inside! It had 4 bedrooms and 2 tiny kitchens and smelled funny.

The other 2 however were owned by the same people and they were much nicer. We found it hard to decide which one we wanted but eventually picked the 3rd one. They only problem with it is the scrap heap of a garden the bloke nextdoor had. Our landlord said he’s just a retired and nice enough bloke. Inside OUR house (I like saying that) is quite spread out. There’s quite a big lawn at the front with an old people’s home opposite and a Baptist church nextdoor on the right. The address is: 20 Cross Lane, Primrose Hill. But the house faces onto Industrial Street because it’s a quad terrace thing. It’s only about 10 minutes walk from uni. There’s a room in the attic and then a tiny study, bathroom and bedroom on the 1st floor. There’s a bedroom in the basement and one off the living room/kitchen area. Hazel and her mate, and Sophie will be living near us and there are loads of other student houses round there too. 4 lads are living in ours at the moment.

We picked rooms the other day cos we all want to know where we’ll be so we can plan ahead. We wrote all the rooms on pieces of paper, screwed them up and picked. Archie picked 1st, read it and while Kevin was whinging he didn’t want to pick first, he put it back. That made it unfair from the start. We did it again and I was very, very, very pissed off with the outcome:

Attic – Jen

Basement – Kevin

Next to bathroom – Archie

Next to kitchen – me

Jen got exactly what she (and I) wanted so she was hyper and smiling like mad. Kevin also got exactly what he wanted. Archie was just relieved he didn’t pick my room (probably for what would’ve been the 2nd time) because I got the room nobody wanted. The reasons none of us really wanted it were as follows:

  • It’s longer and narrower than the others and so it looks smaller.
  • It seems darker.
  • It’s right off the kitchen/living room so if work/sleep is needed to be done, we’d get disturbed.
  • It’s downstairs.
  • Have to walk through the kitchen/living room to get upstairs to bathroom.

So, I’m basically not very impressed, although I’ve got a bit more used to the idea than at first. I’m just going to try and get all my work stuff done in the study even though Jen said no (which I thought was incredibly selfish seeing as she got the attic) and I only persuaded Archie to let me have a few extra shelves. We should’ve agreed to start with that whoever got my room got that cos it’d be fairer and would’ve been compensation.

Anyhow, the main reason why I’m annoyed is because I did all the work to find us a house and I got the worst room but Kevin, who did fuck all and found eating pizzas more important than houses, got exactly what he wanted. It’s just not on! Grrr!!

I don’t know how but I’ve got to try and make my room really cool so everyone else wishes they’d got it. Maybe I can escape out of the window too.

Archie told me twice about Jen slagging me off to him recently. Once she said I was being bitchy about Maths coursework when I hadn’t said anything even though she “forgot” we were meant to be doing it and went to Morrisons instead. Then again she said to Archie that I’d seemed in a bad mood recently. Archie said I hadn’t. I hope she’s not going to turn out to be really moody and awful to live with.

Last Wednesday, everyone went and sat out on the grass at Storthes cos it was lovely and warm and sunny. Jake said Jen and I could come to his BBQ if we wanted but we didn’t bother.

Jonas has been really nice to me whilst I’ve been stressing about various things. He’s given me loads of cuddles and things and just been generally sweet. I wouldn’t want to be without him. I love Jonas 🙂 Mmm!

Bye!

He’s only 80% sure I love him – 23rd April 2002 – Part 3

Tuesday 23rd continued  I came back to Huddersfield the evening of my test after stopping and seeing Auntie G and Grandma on the way back. Grandma’s back at home again now with more home help.

I phoned Jonas when my dad left my halls and he came round pretty soon after. It was pretty weird seeing him at first. We just had lots of hugs and little kisses. It was nice though. Jonas said he had to keep pinching himself and said he missed me and loves me. It was sooo good seeing him again. Mmm! 🙂

That weekend I went with Jonas back to Gainsborough because his dad’s moving house and Jonas had to check the house was okay while his dad’s in the Falklands. The house is very nice. We went to Lincoln with his sister and drove around a lot taking keys to various people.

Everyone was very nice to me again. Jonas’s mum let us have her bed which I thought was very kind and trusting! We did get up to level 5 in it but stopped before anything happened. Jonas said he just wanted to lie there naked with me. It’s the first time we’ve shared a proper, comfy double bed!

When I got back to Huddersfield, I got to my 2nd lecture to be told I failed my Statistics tests by 2 marks. Grr!! I’ve got to resit it and the most I can get is 40%. I also saw Jonas for the 1st time in Huddersfield when he hasn’t been with me. We were in the Kingsgate Centre with our mates.

That Monday night, I had quite a good night in Camel. Jonas was very pissed and was putting on Jen’s eyeliner and lip gloss. Bronwen said Jonas is a “wicked dancer” as he moshed about on his own on the dancefloor. I briefly saw Jake who pecked me on the cheek and congratulated me on passing my driving test and saw loads of other people I knew.

I left early with Jonas and he came back to mine. For some reason he said he’s only 80% sure I love him as much as he loves me cos of Jake and Archie. I don’t know why cos I do! It’s scared me cos I don’t want him to think that. Jonas also said he’d marry me if he could but he doesn’t want to scare me. I’m not scared 🙂 I like that idea (but obviously not now)! He said he wants to be with me forever. 🙂 Mmm!

The next day, Jonas said he only said the 80% thing cos he was pissed but he does want to marry me and have babies with me (EEK! to the 2nd bit! It looks horrible!). He said he always wondered why people get engaged at uni and now he knows. It’ll be more special than it is already if he ends up being my longest lasting boyfriend. I hope he is!

Since then I’ve been quite busy. I’ve been out quite a few times and had houses to sort out etc. I’ve been to the cinema to see Bend It Like Beckham and Oceans 11 which were both very good.

I also went out to Bar Non which was an okay night. I was pretty drunk!

I might’ve given him food poisoning – 22nd to 24th March 2002

Friday 22nd  I was at Jonas’s today. We were in bed for quite a while We got to level 5 but he ignored me so I was in a bit of a mood for a while. I snapped out of it cos it’s not really his fault and I felt mean.

We had a walk round Greenhead Park for a while which was nice and watched people on the skate park.

Bye!

Saturday 23rd  Jonas came back to mine today. We got bored though because most people have gone home so we decided to go for a walk in the woods with a picnic. It’s really nice there and there’s a river which we followed. It was fun climbing trees and hills and stuff and trying to spot magpies cos Jonas reckons he’s never seen one in Britain. When we got back to Storthes we lay in a field for a bit, completely knackered after climbing a hill. It was nice.

Tonight, Jonas felt really ill. I think I might’ve given him food poisoning with lasagne. He felt sick and stuff but said it helped when I rubbed his tummy. He was worrying me though cos he was breathing funny and stopped breathing altogether sometimes.

He’s taken some photos of me off my wall and my Miffy bag to take home with him. He said it’s weird how we met and have stuff like music etc. in common.

Bye!

Sunday 24th  I don’t want to not see Jonas for 3 weeks. I wasn’t sure how much I’d miss him last night but I will miss him sooo much. I love Jonas! We kept telling each other we love each other and hugging and saying we’ll miss us. I got in his car before he went and he said he’ll write a song for me (cool!) and told me he never used to be as happy as he is now because of me! 🙂 MmmJonas!! When he left I got a kiss through the window and I ran down to the road so I could wave goodbye.

Dad picked me up this afternoon and we stopped off at the Meadowview home Grandma’s been put in after wandering and getting found by a man who called the police when she couldn’t find her house. It’s not very nice in there, Mum says, and Grandma’s confused.

Bye!

She’s just stalking him! – 21st March 2002

Thursday 21st  The bus was late after uni today so I had a long conversation with Ben which mainly consisted of him moaning about Kevin. He’s a bit sick of Kevin following him round everywhere and inviting himself places and showing off about stuff. I feel a bit sorry for Kevin now. I didn’t realise other people had a problem with him too.

Ben also said his ex, Jody, is going out with Jake. That’s who I saw him with the other week after Bar Non. Ben said they call her Dopey cos she is and she isn’t too hard to pull. She’d told Ben she’s got a new boyfriend and Kevin said it was Jake.

It made me think and wonder if Jake and other people talk about me and slag me off to people like Jonas does about his exes. I wonder if Jake has still got pictures and letters from me. He had some on display when we started uni.

I failed (probably) my Microbiology test today.

We all went out to Bar Non tonight. I saw Storecard and Jake. Jake hugged me hello and we talked for quite a while. I asked about Jody and he said he doesn’t want a girlfriend and she’s just stalking him! He flatmate told him she gets “attached” to people. She’s from the Isle of Man and has gone back already. He said she’s too quiet (I wasn’t too quiet apparently) and he’s got too much on.

He said he wants to come to Manchester if we go at Easter and he’s probably going to Canada in a year out. He’s going skiing at Easter. Grr! I’m jealous! He snogged Sophie from Archie’s flat apparently. He kissed me on the cheek when I left. Hmm.

Bronwen and Sophie were slagging off Jake’s girly flatmates with me in Wetherspoons. : ) Fun!

Bye!

Ghosts and weird people – 19th & 20th March 2002

Tuesday 19th  Everybody went out tonight. Oh, except me. I decided too late that I wanted to join them but everyone had already gone and Jonas was with me. I felt left out but I like being with Jonas. He had no money left so he couldn’t come out either. Instead we went for a drive.

Jonas kept asking if I was missing out because of him but, even if I was, that’s my choice. I’d rather be with him but then I still don’t like missing stuff. I can’t have it both ways though (until he gets some money maybe!). I don’t want to be knackered on the fieldtrip tomorrow either.

We drove past Visage to see if we could see any of my mates (we didn’t) and then went up to Castle Hill. It was dark and I was a bit scared of ghosts and weird people but we got out of the car and walked up to the tower. I’m sure I saw the door open! We stood at the top of the hill for a bit cos you can see nearly all of Huddersfield, trying to pick out places we knew like the uni buildings. It was quite nice cos Jonas was stood behind me hugging me, until I got scared again and ran back to the car. Jonas said he enjoyed it.

When we got back, we watched TV for a bit then went to bed. We got to level 5 but had to stop cos it was hurting me a bit for some reason.

Bye!

Wednesday 20th  We had a Water Science fieldtrip to a pond today, kick-sampling again. The lecturer guy stopped me at one point and told me to hold out my hand. I wasn’t all that keen until I saw a leg sticking out of his hand. It was a toad. I bet he expected me to scream and run away!

Kevin was annoying me a bit. He kept going on about catching fish (seriously) and going in the muddy bit even though we’d been told not to cos we’d sink.

Jonas came round this evening. I spoke to my mum and sister too. Abby’s got her driving test just before mine but won’t tell me when.

Bye!

We quite fancy the idea of a barbed wire toilet seat – 14th to 18th March 2002

Thursday 14th  Jen, Archie and I went to Bar Non tonight. We were discussing stuff about the house we might be living in next year and how we’re going to decorate it. We quite fancy the idea of a barbed wire toilet seat!

Archie kept being all flirty with me and pinching my arse. He said mine’s nicer than Bronwen’s too and I know how much he fancies her. I felt a bit guilty, like I was doing stuff behind Jonas’s back, even though I wasn’t.

I saw Layla’s mate Claire out as well as Storecard. They both spoke to me briefly.

I was pretty pissed and so were the other two. Jonas picked up all up and we nicked a couple of road signs:

Jonas and I went up to my flat first and he said I was cute when I was pouting for a kiss and flapping my arms about. I think I lay on the kitchen floor too which is not recommended due to lumps of chicken korma and stuff being on it too. We got some of my things and went to his house.

Bye!

Friday 15th  We stayed at Jonas’s most of the day but I managed to get a bit of my Microbiology coursework done.

Bye!

Saturday 16th  Jonas got up very early (for the first time since I’ve known him!) to watch the F1. I didn’t. We stayed in (apart from a trip to the uni library) and played Worms on the Playstation a lot.

Jonas said it won’t be right not seeing me for 3 weeks over Easter and sleeping on his own. He’s right.

Bye!

Sunday 17th Jonas got up very early AGAIN to watch the F1. He came with me back to Storthes later on. We saw Jake there with his girl flatmates and when I thought I’d lost my keys, Jonas was driving right up behind them through the car park when they were in the car in front of us. My keys were actually in a plaster box in my bag.

Jonas was all cuddly tonight. We did stuff.

Bye!

Monday 18th  I had a very evil maths (statistics) test today. I couldn’t do much of it at all. The last question was worth 20 marks and I ran out of time before I started it. I know I’ve failed that one.

Jonas stayed at mine again. 🙂

Bye!

Levels 1-4 on the street in daylight – 9th to 13th March 2002

Saturday 9th  I stayed at Jonas’s last night and slept on his floor with him (on a mattress). We stayed there most of the day before going to the cinema and watching Monsters Inc. It was very good! I liked For the Birds at the beginning too. It was funny!

We ate McDonald’s stuff in the car afterwards and then went back to Jonas’s to bed.

Bye!

Sunday 10th  Jonas came back to mine today. Cat rang me and told me she and Dan did levels 1-4 on the street in daylight in Warrington. Okay!

Bye!

Monday 11th  After our lectures today, Jen and I went on a shopping trip to Leeds. It was only £3 on the train and was very good for shops. I bought some nice big trousers and black bracelets from H&M. The trousers were from Ark I think.

We saw a lad out of Jake’s flat in Leeds and then again when we got back to Huddersfield. I think Jen quite fancies him!

Bye!

Tuesday 12th  Jonas stayed over and we did stuff.

Bye!

Wednesday 13th  I had a Water Science kick sampling field trip today. I quite enjoyed it cos it was a nice day. I got sent into the river with waders on while the lads in my group stood at the edge and took notes. We (well I) caught a lot of creatures but I felt a bit guilty cos all the poor little bugs are going to be put in alcohol so we can see them in the lab later.

Jonas stayed over and said he’ll miss me at Easter. I’ll miss him too.

Bye!

Diseased little nether regions – 8th March 2002

Friday 8th  I got really upset this morning when Jonas told me that Sid called me ‘Testicles’ to him and all his mates. I was upset out of anger more than anything else cos I really thought people would’ve grown out of taking the piss out of my name by now. It just reminded me so much of the sad, immature people at school who used to say it and if Sid had been there this morning I would’ve kicked him right in his diseased little nether regions. Fucker!

Actually, I think Sid was calling me that outside Bar Non last night. Yeah, he was, I remember now. Bastard! He was yelling “Testicles” at me to try and get my attention but I chose to ignore him until he called me by my name. If I remember rightly, Jonas (who was stood with him) didn’t say much to stop him. I didn’t run off in a huff like Sid would’ve done.

Ooh, I’m sooo pissed off with him! I would’ve been so embarrassed if I’d been sober (I was a bit anyway) cos there were loads of people about. I hope nobody I know heard him and says it too. Mind you, I bet he looked like a bit of a prick standing there yelling “Testicles!” for no apparent reason!!

The other thing Knobhead Geeky Sid said is that he hates Northerners because we’re “rude”. Erm… and taking the piss out of someone’s name and sulking at every possible opportunity isn’t? I think it is.

Jonas heard me crying in the shower this morning (although I’m not sure how!) and came in. He then started being nice to me which made me happy so I couldn’t stop crying!

Bye!