Foot-soldier of the MCRmy – November 2010/February 2011

[Hello to Isabella!

She’s here to share her diary account sexy, hip-shaking mofos. I’m not sure enough time would have elapsed for me to set any teenage diary entries free into the internet after only 8 years so that wins her extra cringe points. 

If anyone else out there feels brave enough to do some diary oversharing with me then get in touch via the ‘Share your own diary‘ page. 

Over to Isabella…

Le bye!
Tess x]

Well, here you go. Two of my teenage ramblings, dedicated to my then-obsession My Chemical Romance. I absolutely adored them, and literally cried for three days when they broke up. I also can’t believe I used to write like this – apparently I was channeling Georgia Nicholson a lot (Angus, Thongs & Full Frontal Snogging by Louise Rennison). The grammar is very random and the odd bits of “French” here and there? Um… 

I was 17 in 2010 and going to gigs all over the place. I think I saw MCR 5 times, The Blackout (eventually) 11 times, and I’m currently on 7 for Green Day… 

Anyway, I hope you enjoy it! My writing has gotten a little more sophisticated over the years, and you can check some of it at my blog: Isabella Hume 

I

xx

Wednesday 24th November 2010

So Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys hit two days ago → The world will never be the same again (or certainly mine won’t). It’s amazing. My favs so far are Bulletproof Heart, Summertime, and Planetary (Go!)… they all fucking rule. Supposedly a Feb/Mar European Tour is being announced on Monday… Eeeeeeeeee! A little bit of overnight camping is in order… 🙂 *I have to get the barrier (preferably in front of Mr. F. Iero… ♥)

Le sigh…

In other news… my mother thinks I am going off the rails. Yay. Dad is back to his cantankerous old self (work does this to him). My skin has exploded into something close to a minefield. Jack B is being evasive… so and so. Yeah. CH + 4 A Levels + OU really isn’t helping my stress levels!! Gah!!!!

[insert two months worth of ramblings here]

Sunday 13th February 2011

Isabella MCR

Mel and I arrived at the LG arena at about 1.30 in the afternoon, having taken a 9.20 train from York to get us into Birmingham for 12.20. The 9.20 was the earliest we could get on a Sunday :(. We then caught a train to the NEC and met two other people from Cardiff and quickly made friends with them.

Upon stepping outside of the NEC I realised that it was pouring with rain. Excellent. Queuing for five hours in the pouring rain was really how I envisaged spending my Sunday afternoon. Anyway, ended up in the early queue (obviously) about twenty or so people back from the doors and we made ourselves comfy (as you can in the pouring rain on the concrete ground); Mel – being a brainy person – had brought bin bags for us to sit on so even though we still got wet, our bums stayed mostly dry :).

It soon got to around six and the doors opened. The way the ticket system works is a bit dumb though; you get your ticket scanned at the door and then you go wait in another little queue for someone to give you a wristband, you then have to wait to show your wristband before you actually get in. Anyhoo, got through and ran into the arena right to the centre and was one person deep from the barrier.

Unfortunately I got stuck behind two boyfriends the bane of any gig goers life. Their girlfriends were both on the barrier and they had their arms around them in a protective I’m-going-to-give-my-girlfriend-as-much-space-as-possible-and-if-anyone-
touches-her-they-die kinda way. Fuckers. That’s why I said I was only one person deep from the barrier because the girls kept turning around to suck face with their bfs so they became one thing anyway.

The Blackout (support act) were really good. I’d never seen a band with two frontmen before and I was surprised at how well it worked and how they bounced off each other so well. During The Blackout the crushing was insane and I was getting pushed from behind so much but I got one arm between two people on the barrier (one of the girlfriends being on my left which the boyfriend was not happy about). This girl kept trying to push my arm off the barrier but I don’t quite know where she thought I was going seeing as there was literally no space behind me.

At about 9.15 the house lights went down and the screams filled the place as spots of light started to illuminate the black curtain. As it got to the middle of the intro you could see silhouettes of band members beginning to appear and then as NA NA NA (NA NA NA NA) kicked in, the black curtain fell and the place blew up. I was to the left of Frank, in front of Mikey, and slightly to the right of Gerard – fantastic place to be. I have never danced or sung so hard in my life.

Notes from the show
– I got another Frank pick. A security guard gave it to me. 🙂 I’m gonna make a necklace (like a dog-tag necklace) out of the two of them I have. Although I did have a fight a girl next to me for it!
Gerard is one sexy mofo… when he shakes his hips… 🙂
– I was so mashed against the barrier. At one point I couldn’t even put my heels down without standing on the toes of the girl behind me. I have so many bruises… my inventory currently runs to: a line on my ribs, three on my thighs, two on my calbes, a load on my upper arms and one on my face.
– People kept getting pulled out over the top of me and a security guard had to keep putting his hand over my neck to protect it from flailing feet. At least nine people got pulled out over the top of me, it was insane. There were so many people getting pulled out. I got kicked in the back of the head three times. Yay. There goes my brain cells.
– The show was amazing and for how much I’m aching now, I have two Frank pics to make me feel a hell of a lot better. It was incredible… and I get to do it all again in nine days time! Newcastle here I come!

The End

Advertisements

An iron mark on the carpet and scally lads outside – 10th July 2000

Monday 10th This morning seemed to last for ages because the coach to take us Swing Band lot to London didn’t come until lunch so we had to do lessons. Hayley was still being a moody cow so I felt a bit sorry for Sarah when I had to leave her!

Keira Osborne, Emma Thornley, Christa East, Cat Elliot and I all claimed the back seat of the coach and had loads of room because we were by the emergency exit. The journey was really boring but I kept getting texts from Jake which helped ease the boredom every so often. Jake told me that he’s going to Florence tomorrow and should be in Prague on Friday. Then I did a quiz in someone’s Cosmopolitan magazine on my perfect holiday destination. Mine came out at Prague! How weird is that?!!

Cat sent Jake a quick message too saying she wished she was travelling around Europe and in his reply he told her that he’d happily swap with her cos he misses me! How sweet! 🙂

I sent him a message myself again later and told him not to chase any foreign girls or anything (I was only kidding) and he said, “HUH CHEEK – YOU KNOW I WOULDN’T EVER THINK ABOUT DOING ANYTHING LIKE THAT! : ( I’VE TOLD YOU BEFORE THAT I’M SENTIMENTAL! WE SHOULD BE IN THE SAME HOSTEL WE STAYED IN AT RADSTADT WITH SCHOOL.”

When we reached London, the coach driver took us all through the centre which was absolute torture for me cos there were so many signs with the word ‘Canada’ on them! We then took a wrong turning past Canada Water Station so I was reminded again of the fact Jake’s going off to be a ski instructor for 3 months! Then we went past Starbucks where we both go! 😦

I told Jake about it and he texted me back saying, “I TOLD YOU IT’S THE LITTLE THINGS… WHEN IN MCDONALD’S, FOR SOME REASON “TESS” WAS PRINTED ON THE SIDE OF BUS THAT WENT PAST! : ( V. UPSETTING! MISS YOU TOO!”

Then the realisation must have kicked in cos he then said, “WOW – SOOO WEIRD! THERE’S SO MUCH WEIRD STUFF GOING ON – NOT JUST NOW BUT ALL THAT STUFF WE LISTED IN THE DOG TOO! I’M NOT RELIGIOUS BUT SOMEONE UP THERE IS…” and then, “TRYING TO TELL US SOMETHING! WE’VE DEFINITELY GOT SOMETHING SPECIAL! TRY NOT TO GET TOO UPSET! THIS IS HORRIBLE BUT IT’LL BE OVER SOON! : ) LOVE xJx”.

When we arrived at Rotherhithe Youth Hostel we were all given our room keys. I was sharing with the people I’d been sat with on the coach plus Maeve Ackerley. The room was 219 and wasn’t too bad at all. We had an iron mark on the carpet and scally lads outside the window but the beds were cool! There were 2 sets of 3 and they were sort of all piled up. I got the top bunk on mine!

Millennium Dome '00 Tess

The cool beds and our cool Swing Band attire.

We didn’t do much all evening. We were either in our rooms or at the bar. Henry Rockwell fancies Maeve quite a lot so he was in our room most of the time too!

I had some last night messages from Jake on the subject of Canada. He said he’d love me to go and see him while he’s there and I said I wish I could but I can’t really see it happening. Then he said, “I REALLY WANT YOU TO COME BUT IT’S A LONG TIME TIL I GO! IF THERE’S ANY WAY YOU COULD COME IN FEB HALF TERM THEN I’M TAKING YOU! YOU WOULDN’T HAVE TO STAY IN MY ROOM ALL OF THE TIME… JUST SOME OF IT!”

That would be so good cos I can’t possibly last 3 months without him and not go mad or something but it’d be expensive and I’ve got college and stuff. I suppose we’ll have to see.

Bye!

SHE IS NOT MY BEST MATE!!! – 7th July 2000

Friday 7th I didn’t go to college again because I seem to have scarlet fever or something now!

Sarah came round too cos she was skiving college (hope she doesn’t catch it!) to avoid Hayley who’s still being her bitchy little self! It’s all over Hayley reading a bit out of Sarah’s diary about her being hypocritical an also something about Lena and then went round telling everyone which is totally out of order.

Sarah’s very rightly annoyed with Hayley and Hayley’s annoyed with Sarah for being annoyed with her. Follow?! Now I’ve been dragged into it somehow cos Hayley’s been slagging me off to various people, saying how a best mate should be loyal and stick by her and stuff. She’s just trying to shift the guilt onto someone else cos she knows she’s the one that’s wrong but:

  1. I’ve not said a word about it to her since it all started so how does she know I’m being disloyal? (As it happens, I’ll be siding with Sarah on this one if she brings it up!)
  2. SHE IS NOT MY BEST MATE!!! It’s all in her head! Twisted cow!

Anyway, Sarah and I spent the day happily distorting photos of Hayley’s face on the computer! 🙂

I’ve had loads of messages from Jake today. I sent the first one asking what he was doing and he told me, “I’M SITTING ON A VERY LONG TRAIN JOURNEY TO ROME! IT’S NOT THAT HOT TODAY BUT IT’S REALLY BORING! DO YOU FEEL ANY BETTER?? FEEL AWFUL COS I’M NOT WITH YOU! LOVE xJx”.

I then told him that if he was with me then he’d only end up catching it but he said, “I WOULDN’T MIND CATCHING IT IF IT MEANT I COULD SEE YOU! YOU WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO KEEP ME AWAY FROM YOU! LOVE YOU! x”.

I then pointed out that in 2 weeks’ time I should be in Valkenburg and his reaction was, “YIPPEEE! CAN’T WAIT! YOU BETTER GET WELL BEFORE THEN! HOLLAND SEEMS SO FAR AWAY – IN DISTANCE AND TIME! WANT IT TO HURRY UP – LOOKING FORWARD TO IT SOOO MUCH! xJx”.

I sent him another after that saying how I had a concert at the Parr Hall with Swing Band tonight but it took him a while to reply. He said, “SORRY I  HAVEN’T REPLIED – JUST GOT TO CHARLIE’S AUNT’S HOUSE IN ROME! DON’T DO THE CONCERT – I WANT YOU TO GET BETTER – STAY IN AND REST! : ) NOT BEEN A WEEK YET!…” Then I got the same one again and then another similar one. He must have thought it hadn’t sent! He said, “SORRY I HAVEN’T REPLIED – JUST GOT TO ROME! DON’T DO THE CONCERT – I WANT YOU TO GET BETTER SO REST INSTEAD! : ) THIS IS THE 1ST FRI NIGHT WITHOUT YOU FOR AGES!! : ( xJx”.

Then almost straight away I got, “HAH! FORGOT TO SAY – THIS AMERICAN GIRL ON THE TRAIN WAS READING THIS SOPPY ROMANTIC NOVEL AND THE MAIN CHARACTER WAS CALLED TESSA! SHE KEPT READING BITS AND LAUGHING AT ME x”.

After I’d done with the concert (which was okay) I sent him another message asking why she’d been laughing and telling him what I’d just done for Swing Band. I also mentioned Hayley being a cow. He said, “TOLD YOU NOT TO! CHARLIE IS LAUGHING COS HE MISSED IT! SHE WAS LAUGHING COS IT WAS SO SOPPY – SHE SAID I WAS THE MAN IN IT! THEY THOUGHT IT WAS REALLY NICE THAT…” then, “WE SEND MSGS TO EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME! HAYLEY IS TWISTED! HOW DO YOU KNOW HAYLEY’S ANNOYED WITH YOU? FROM SARAH? x”.

I told him that Gethin, Freda and Henry Rockwell had all told me that she’d been slagging me off. Then he said, “OHHH THINGS AREN’T GOING YOUR WAY AT THE MINUTE ARE THEY?! YOU’RE ILL, HAYLEY’S BEING A BITCH AND I’M HUNDREDS OF MILES AWAY : (…” then I got a really nice one which cheered me up saying, “I MAY BE ALL THE WAY IN ITALY BUT I’M WITH YOU ALL THE TIME, JUST LIKE YOU’RE WITH ME ALL THE TIME – IN MY HEART AND ON MY MIND… PERMANENTLY! : ) LOVE YOU LOTS! xJx”.

That was very soppy but very sweet! I bet he was reading a romantic novel himself on that train!

I agreed with him that things aren’t going my way and told him that I now seem to have a scarletina type thing, and he said, “PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE JOKING! SCARLET FEVER?? : ( HAVE YOU BEEN TO THE DOCTOR’S? I’M REALLY REALLY SORRY I’M NOT THERE FOR YOU! xxx JAKE xxx”.

I told him that he didn’t have to apologise cos I wouldn’t see much of him even if he was here cos I’m ill so he said, “I’M SORRY – JUST IT’S NOT A NICE THING TO HAVE! : ( : ( THIS IS ALL SOOO BAD! : ( : ( I’D BETTER LET YOU SLEEP THEN! HOPE U FEEL BETTER AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! ALL MY LOVE! x”.

I then told him that I didn’t want to sleep so to keep texting (unless he did) and I told him not to feel bad. He sent me 2 back saying, “I WORRY COS YOU’RE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN MY LIFE! : ) IF I WASN’T – I’D BE WORRYING ABOUT HOW THE HELL I’M GETTING BACK TONIGHT – I’M LOST IN THE MIDDLE OF ROME! xJx”. Then, “OH! AND I DON’T NEED SLEEP SO KEEP TEXTING AND I’LL ASSUME YOU’VE FALLEN ASLEEP WHEN I DON’T GET ANY MORE! LOVE YOU! x”.

I then told him I was a bit worried about him once he’d said he was lost but he said, “HAH – DON’T WORRY ABOUT ME! CHARLIE IS GONNA LEAD US HOME… HE HOPES! NO DON’T MIND IF YOU HIT HAYLEY AT DENNY’S – YOU WOULD BE V. POPULAR! R U GONNA GO FEELING LIKE THIS?? LOVE xJx”.

I told him that I AM going to Denny’s cos I’ve missed out on enough already while I’ve been ill! I also told him that Ed reckons I’ve got ‘missing Jakey sydrome’ and Jake said, “WELL DON’T MAKE YOURSELF ANY WORSE! IF THAT’S ALL YOU’VE GOT – THAT’S OK! YOU’VE ONLY GOT 2 MORE WEEKS THEN YOU’LL BE FINE! MY BATTERY MAY DIE SOON – SO DON’T WORRY…” then, “IF I DON’T REPLY – I HAVEN’T BEEN RUN DOWN BY A CRAZY ITALIAN MAN ON A SCOOTER! LOTS OF LOVE… AGAIN! xJx”.

Later on at about 12:15 am, I got another message saying, “JUST GOT BACK! AND FOUND A PLUG SOCKET! HOW’S ABOUT YOU’RE ALLOWED TO WORRY ABOUT ME AS LONG AS I CAN WORRY ABOUT YOU? ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS…” and then, “YOUR CUTE LITTLE FACE, YOUR LOVELY EYES AND SCRUNCHED UP NOSE ALL LOOKING AT ME! THERE’S NOTHING I WOULD CHANGE ABOUT YOU! – YOU’RE JUST PERFECT! REALLY DO LOVE YOU.”

That was very nice to read but I pointed out that right now I’ve got a pink little face, a stuffed up nose and I can’t look at anything properly cos my eyes won’t focus! I also told him not to be put off by that though! He replied, “AHH! YOU’RE JUST SO SWEET! I CAN JUST PICTURE YOU NOW! WOULDN’T BE PUT OFF – EVER! I KNOW I SAY IT ALL THE TIME – BUT YOU’RE JUST TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE – YOU REALLY ARE!”

I don’t think anyone else would agree! I don’t actually know what I’ve done to make him think that either cos I wouldn’t have thought I’m anything special! I told him that I thought it was the other way round and he said, “WELL WE’RE BOTH REALLY LUCKY THEN! I THINK WE’RE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER! I’M LYING IN BED LISTENING TO THAT LONESTAR SONG – THE LYRICS SUM UP EXACTLY HOW I FEEL! xJx”.

That’s really weird cos I thought that and I told him that. He then said, “WOW! WE ARE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER! I LISTEN TO IT EVERY NIGHT! IT’S A BIT DEPRESSING NOW THOUGH!” That really is freaky cos it used to be one of the ones I listened to a lot at night until he went away cos it was depressing!

I asked him if he was joking and told him that! He said, “NO I’M NOT JOKING! : ) OHH I REALLY CAN’T WAIT 2 WEEKS! BETTER GO TO SLEEP NOW THOUGH – DON’T WANT TO BUT I’M AN HOUR AHEAD AND HAVE A BUSY DAY TOMORROW! I’LL PHONE YOU! x”. That was the last message I got tonight.

Looks like I’ll have to get a new diary then. I’ll probably use this purple hardback notebook I think I’ve got. See you there!

CYMERA_20180424_180802-1.jpg

Sad, pathetic, childish, twisted little cow – 6th July 2000

Thursday 6th I didn’t go to college again today cos I’m feeling rotten again. 😦 I think kickboxing finished me off last night, even though it was good!

I’ve had quite a lot of messages today (I’m writing smaller cos I’ve not got many pages left!) off Jake. I had a couple from last night too saying, “HELLO! HAVE YOU GONE/DID YOU GO K’BOXING? DID YOU SEND THE NAME OF THAT PLACE IN HOLLAND? WANNA KNOW IF MY MSGS ARE WORKING COS I’M IN ITALY NOW! LOVE xJx”.

I told him I wasn’t feeling too great and that I’d get the address of where we’re staying in Holland for him soon. He said, “OK! I’LL LET YOU RECOVER IN PEACE! ON OUR WAY TO PISA NOW – I’LL TRY NOT TO FALL OFF THE LEANING TOWER! NIGHT NIGHT!!! : ) LOADS OF LOVE!!! xxx JAKE xxx”.

I then sent him a msg this morning asking what he was up to. He told me, “I’M LOOKING ROUND THE LEANING TOWER – DON’T WORRY I WON’T BE FALLING OFF – YOU CAN’T GO UP NOW! IT IS TOO HOT! WISH YOU WERE HERE TOO! : ( LOVE YOU LOTS N LOTS!!! xJx”.

I then asked if Charlie had that address and I also told him I got woken up this morning by a magpie pecking at my window! He said, “I SPENT LAST NIGHT SLEEPING ON A TRAIN PLATFORM – I’M V. TIRED SO DON’T MENTION SLEEP! HE’S GOT IT BUT IT’S AT THE BOTTOM OF HIS BAG AND WON’T GIVE IT ME!! LOVE xJx”.

I asked if he really needed the address if Charlie already had it and that I hoped I felt better for Holland. He said, “IF HE’S LOST IT OR SOMETHING THEN I’LL LET YOU KNOW! HE RECKONS IT’S A HOTEL THOUGH?? YOU GOTTA GO – IF NOT, I’M COMING HOME TO SEE YOU! LOVE YOU!!! : ) xJx”.

I asked if it mattered if it was a hotel and he said, “RIGHT WELL I’M STOPPING THERE WHETHER IT’S A CAMP SITE OR THE RITZ!…” and then, “THIS IS LIKE HAVING PART OF ME TAKEN AWAY FROM ME – MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY! : ( SOOO GLAD I’VE GOT THAT PHOTO!! I LOOK AT IT ALL THE TIME! LOVE YOU TO BITS!!! xJx”.

I said I hoped he wasn’t looking at the one Gethin gave him of me looking stoned in a Santa hat all the time and he told me, “NO – ALTHOUGH IT MAKES ME LAUGH, THE ONE YOU GAVE ME IS MUCH NICER! AND WE ARE TOGETHER ON IT! : ) WISH WE HAD GOT TOGETHER EARLIER THOUGH…” and then, “THEN I WOULD BE ON THE ‘STONED’ PHOTO! IF I WASN’T HAPPY ALREADY – I’D GIVE ALMOST ANYTHING TO BE SO! UURRRGHH! : ( NOT FAIR! xJx”.

Christmas '99 Tess stoned Santa

Later I told him that I’d just dreamt we were both in college and he said, “WISH THAT DREAM WAS TRUE! EVEN IF I HAD TO BE IN COLLEGE! IT’S NOT ME PHONING YOU! I’VE JUST FINISHED WASHING ALL MY CLOTHES – I’M WORN OUT NOW!…” (someone phoned the house and hung up when I answered) and then, “I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU!! THAT’S A GOOD THING IN THAT IT SHOWS HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU! : ) BUT THEN IT REALLY HURTS COS I CAN’T SEE YOU AND GIVE YOU A HUG! : (“.

This evening I’ve had a few more messages saying, “HELLO! WHAT ARE YOU UP TO? JUST BEEN FOR A MEAL – WE’RE WANDERING ROUND DOING NOTHING NOW! ACTUALLY THE ONLY WAY I CAN PARTLY TAKE YOU OFF MY MIND…” then, “IS BY STUFFING MY FACE FULL OF REALLY NICE FOOD! NOT THAT I WANT TO TAKE YOU OFF MY MIND COS YOU’RE A V. NICE THING TO HAVE ON YOUR MIND! LOTS OF LOVE!!! xJx”.

I told him I was lying on the sofa, wrapped up in my duvet, looking very pink (cos I’ve developed a temperature) and feeling very miserable cos he’s so far away! He replied, “AAAGGHH! ARE YOU NOT GETTING ANY BETTER THEN? : ( I JUST WISH I COULD CUDDLE UP TO YOU NOW! – JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES AND DREAM ABOUT IT! ARRAN SAID…” then, “HE AND ALI ARE GOING BACK TO CALAIS ON THE TRAIN AND THAT ED COULD GO WITH THEM WITH MY TICKET! : ) HE IS REALLY MISSING HIS GIRLFRIEND TOO! LOVE YOU! xJx”.

I’m going to be disappointed if Jake can’t get the coach back with us now. Mind you, I usually end up looking really rough after travelling for a long time so maybe it’s not such a good idea!!

Hayley’s being a right bitch to Sarah. If I had more energy I’d explain and then slag the hell out of the lanky whore but I need sleep so I’ll do it another day if I decide it’s not a waste of ink and paper cos everyone knows what a sad, pathetic, childish, twisted little cow she can be!!

Bye!

I was so relieved that he’s still alive! – 5th July 2000

Wednesday 5th 🙂 Okay, I’m a bit happier now that I was yesterday! The reason being that Jake sent me a message at 7:42 am explaining why he hasn’t been in touch. He told me, “HELLO! HAVEN’T BEEN ABLE TO TEXT U COS THERE R NO PLUG SOCKETS IN THE HOSTELS AND MY PHONE WAS DEAD! I’M PLUGGED IN IN A CAFÉ NOW! HOPE U GET WELL SOON!…” and then he said, “I’LL PHONE YOU TONIGHT! I’M TIRED – SLEPT ON A BEACH LAST NIGHT! AND I’M V. BURNT! LOVE YOU LOADS!!! xxx JAKE xxx”.

I was so relieved that he’s still alive! I then asked him if he got the message with Ed’s number on. He said, “YEH I GOT THAT MSG! – SORRY I’M LATE REPLYING – I HAVE TO KEEP TURNING MY PHONE OFF TO SAVE THE BATTERY! YEH – WE’RE SAT IN A CAFÉ ON THE GRAND PRIX CIRCUIT!…” then, “WE’VE JUST WALKED THE WHOLE CIRCUIT! ARE YOU STILL ILL? I’M SO BURNT! OW! LOVE xJx”.

The next message I sent was just asking if he’d got the messages Gethin sent him and he said, “YEH – TELL HIM I GOT EM BUT THE NETWORK I WAS ON WOULDN’T LET ME SENT ANY BACK! THESE DAYS SEEM SO LONG! – ONLY BEEN GONE 4 DAYS – SEEMS LIKE WEEKS! LOVE YOU! xxx”

The next message I got after I’d told him I was bored said, “I’M SAT WRITING YOUR FIRST OF MANY POSTCARDS! WHAT’S YOUR POSTCODE? WISH YOU WERE HERE NOW – IT’S SO NICE HERE AND I WANT TO SEE YOU!…”

Yeah, that’s right, just rub in the fact that you’re somewhere nice and I’m stuck here, why don’t you?!! Anyway, then he said, “KEEP SMELLING MY WATCH STRAP COS IT SMELLS SO NICE! : ) YOU’D BETTER GET WELL BEFORE VALKENBURG! ME n CHARLIE HAVE JUST FOUND IT ON A RAIL MAP! CAN’T WAIT! LOVE xJx”.

I then told him that I’d found out that Sarah’s mum wouldn’t have minded if we’d swapped beds on Friday and that Denny’s having an all night gathering and that Sarah’s very pissed off with Hayley for telling people stuff she’s read in Sarah’s diary. It spread over more than one message so Jake asked, “WHAT HAPPENED TO THE REST OF THAT MSG?? IF YOU WERE GONNA SAY WHAT I THOUGHT YOU WERE THEN WHY DIDN’T SHE SAY SO? CAN’T BELIEVE I HAD TO SLEEP WITH GETHIN! LOVE xJx”.

I sent him another telling him what it had said but he didn’t get that one either. I know cos he phoned at about 6:00 pm. He was telling me that they were going to go to a beach party but there’d been big bouncers with big dogs so they hadn’t bothered! They’re still being irritated by Charlie cos he’s not embarrassed to speak a foreign language to try and get them into a casino or onto a yacht! All he really told me was what they’ve been doing and how they’re going to Radstadt in Austria where we first went skiing.

Oh, I forgot to write down what Gethin told me Jake had been saying at Sarah’s on Friday. He said he wanted to end up married to me, that he only had eyes for me (that was linked to something about Canada) and that he covered his face with his hands (Gethin said he was close to tears!) and said he was going to miss me. There was other “lad stuff” but Gethin wouldn’t say what!

Bye!

Lying lost and injured (or worse!) – 4th July 2000

Tuesday 4th I didn’t go to college today cos Mum made me stay at home cos I’ve got a really, really sore throat. So, because I’ve been bored all day, I’ve had plenty of time to worry!

You see, I’ve not heard from Jake at all since yesterday lunch and I sent him 2 more messages today which he hasn’t replied to. There could be plenty of reasons why he’s not answered, the most likely reason being that he’s got no signal or his sim card’s blocked cos I know Gethin sent him a couple of messages last night and he’s only got one space on his phone cos the other 9 are taken up with ones from me that he doesn’t want to delete! Or maybe his phone’s just been in the bottom of his bag.

Then there are the more unlikely reasons that are constantly at the back of my mind. For example, he’s been mugged and his phone’s got nicked and he’s lying lost and injured (or worse!) in some place in the middle of nowhere or something else bad has happened to him, like if he fell of that hill he said he was on yesterday!

I’d just have thought if there was a problem with his mobile then he’d find a payphone or something to ring me from cos that’s what I did when I was skiing, just to let him know. Also, he told me on Sunday that he’d ring me in the next couple of days. To me, a couple means 2 and correct me if I’m wrong but Tuesday is a couple of days after Sunday!

I’ve been tempted to ring him to see if the Orange woman tells me his phone’s switched off or whatever but if he answered, I’d feel daft for worrying so much as well as I’d lose quite a bit of calling credit! Mind you, he couldn’t complain about me worrying cos I seem to remember Cat telling me that someone told her that the night I didn’t ring him while I was skiing, he was sat in Paris, clutching his phone saying, “Why isn’t she ringing? She always rings around this time!” and stuff!

Oh God! I can’t stand this!! I’m really missing him and miss getting nice messages off him all the time, and the fact that he’s not been in touch at all today is not helping matters!

I keep telling myself that I’m being stupid worrying like this but then I keep remembering TV programmes like 999 where the people on them have always said that, “It’s the sort of thing that you think only happens to other people but it could happen to you too” and stuff like that!

Usually writing stuff down in here makes me feel better but putting this lot on paper is having very much the opposite effect! 😦

Bye!

I’m paranoid!! I can’t help it!! – 12th June 2000

Monday 12th I spoke to Miranda again very briefly this morning. I asked if she’d spoken to Robbie and how he was. She told me she had and that he seemed okay. At that point, I should’ve walked off faster cos she said that Robbie had told her something about Jake and what he drops in the bath. Her friend then put her hand over Miranda’s mouth and told her not to say anything cos it’s disgusting and would put me off. I told her to tell me anyway cos I’d be wondering what she was going to say for ages otherwise. She made me promise not to say anything and then told me that Jake leaves hairs in the bath and also on his wooden bedroom floor with bits from his feet! Yuk!! I’ll remember that if I ever want to put myself off the lad!

I had a conversation with Philip Daly this morning too. He was just saying how Floyd’s having a party at the weekend and stuff. At least he doesn’t think I hate him anymore!

Jake only came after college today so I only got about an hour with him before he went round to Gethin’s for tea. He said if he’d gone home he’d only have had to make his brother’s tea as well as his own and his sister only eats about 3 different things which makes it difficult!

We did some quiz out of the newspaper on him and it turned out as saying he’s “somewhat feminine”!

The fact the Jake and Gethin have become such good mates is nice cos it’s better than him not getting on with my friends but it also worries me greatly! When I’m not there, I know they discuss things that they wouldn’t when I’m around! I’m a bit bothered that Gethin interfering might push Jake into taking things further with me cos it’ll shut Gethin up, rather than cos he wants to. I’m also worried that he’ll discuss stuff we’ve already done and assess it or something!

Okay, so I’m paranoid!! I can’t help it!!

Bye!