We’re either going to do B*witched, Steps or All Saints – 2nd & 3rd December 1998

Wednesday 2nd My friends and I all decided to go and see this concert that was being put on at lunch to raise money for the Senior Citizens Party. Ed organised it mostly but it had quite a few people I know in it. People like Ewan. He was playing the guitar for Jill Baines and Sally Reed who were singing.

Me, Emma, Olivia and Lena have now decided that if another one like that is put on, we’re either going to do B*witched, Steps or All Saints. Ha! Yeah right, we’d all chicken out!

[I liked All Saints because Emma once told me that I looked like Nicole Appleton. I wished! I did not look like Nicole Appleton.]

My whole year’s got a 2nd set of GCSE Science module tests to do tomorrow. I think I’m going to do really badly to tell you the truth.

I’m really in need of summit good or fun to happen. I need summit I can discuss with people for ages afterwards, you know? I’m bored of everything being the same or going wrong. I think the last really good thing was Austria back in February. We still talk about that now.


Thursday 3rd I don’t think my Science module exams went very well. I’m worried now. Really worried. We won’t know how well we did for ages though now.

I was in C Block at lunch with Rach and Emma when Ewan and his mates came in. Ewan stopped with us and just leaned against the wall. We were all involved in one conversation about Emma dumping Davis Nolan last night over the phone but we didn’t really speak to each other.

I think he came over to give me the chance to speak to him but I didn’t really. Yet another wasted chance. It was like he was waiting for me to speak to him and I was waiting for him to speak to me and because neither of us did, we didn’t really talk to each other at all.

I don’t really know why he can’t just talk to me really. I s’pose it’s me that likes him and not the other way round so he doesn’t really care whether I talk to him or not.

While I was stood there, Adrian Ford walked behind me and tapped me on the shoulder, grinned, raised his eyebrows and nodded his head towards Ewan then walked off. What does he know? Has Ewan said summit to him about me liking him? I think he must have done.

Oh yeah, Adrian’s single again now coz he and Gemma Crowther had a mutual split according to him.

Oh yeah, and another thing Emma told me this morning was that in her Art lesson yesterday, Ewan told her that I hadn’t approached him yet and she asked him, “What d’you think she’s s’posed to do? Just walk up to you and start talking?” He sort of shrugged, I think.

I went to see Showtime at school this evening. It was pretty crap really.


It’s always the mingers that like me – 30th November 1998

Monday 30th

I do not believe my life at the moment! I’ve not had much good happening to me recently. Nothing ever seems to go my way.

Ewan’s not bloody well going to the garden centre Xmas part. He’s going to a Manic Street Preachers concert. [Aha! I’ve been trying to remember for years why I hated the Manic Street Preachers! I knew it was something daft from school and this is it.] Why does it have to be on Friday 11th December? Out of all the days in the year it would have to be on that one, wouldn’t it, hey?!

I’ll tell you why. It’s because that’s just my bloody luck. Every time I’m in with a chance with a lad I really like, it gets blown coz summit happens. [And that summit was usually that I chickened out.] For example, in Austria I was very friendly with Ferny on the way back from the disco and I had his fleece on too and then bloody Rani comes up and drags me away coz she’s on her bill.

Also, on the same holiday we were having a snowball fight and I was happily rolling down a hill with Ferny and getting very close again and then we had to all go back to our ski group but he hurt his knee so he moved away from my group to another one.

Then there was Ed’s party which I didn’t bother going to coz I thought nobody interesting was going, only to find out that next day that Ewan had been there and he said (when he was totally sober) that he would have gone with [snogged] me if I’d have been there.

And now this happens. Ewan can’t go to the party. How annoying is that? Surely I must be due for summit to happen to me lad-wise. Although I won’t count on it!

Emma was talking to Murray Ross this morning and when she asked him if his cousin liked me he said yes. Okay, I’m flattered I s’pose but yet again it’s always the mingers that like me, never actually anyone fit. [I wasn’t exactly a catch either.]

Oh yeah, another 2 chances I had which got pissed up… Finn, this fit lad, came and gave some kids a hand while I was on work experience. He was 17 and drop-dead-gorgeous and just as we were starting to get on really well he had to go back to college. Also, Alex McLean lived across the road from my cousins then he moved to bleedin’ Shetland of all places!

I’ve just got back from the 6th Form college open evening. I’ve decided that for A-level I’m going to take Biology, Sports Science and maybe Sociology and also an RSA course in Computer Studies or summit.

Ewan was there which is a good sign and so was this really fit lad. He was tall with dark hair and glasses but not nerdy looking and my dad said hi to his dad and I found out he’s part of the Baker family and lives just across the road from me in the new house. I hope I see him about but, knowing my luck, he’s probably either a complete dickhead, really shy, already taken by another girl or gay. Maybe not but likely!


I don’t want to sound big-headed or anything – 27th & 29th November 1998

Friday 27th [This coming sentence will require a deep breath if it’s ever said out loud…] Hayley told me that Ewan Swann had told Rick Swann and he’d told his girlfriend who told Hayley that Ewan said he was really interested in me but he wished I’d talk to him. I’m not sure when he said that but if he did it’s good!

Freda Fernandez embarrassed me so much after school. I had orchestra and Ewan was hanging round too and when he was stood by us she shouted, “Ewan, will you go out with Tess?” I’m so glad I don’t go red very easily when I get embarrassed coz I would’ve done then. I can’t remember what I did but Emma said he smiled and walked off.

She also pointed out that he didn’t say no. When someone’s messing about like Freda was and you don’t like then person they’re asking  you out for, you tend to actually say, “No!!!” or you tell them where to go.

The other thing was that that my mum’s been asking Mrs C (a dead nice French teacher who she knows and lives near us) about extra French lessons for me coz I’m panicking about my exam. Mum then told me that she also already tutors Isaac M and Ewan Swann. When she told me that I went, “Ewan Swann?!” so at tea she must have remembered my reaction and asked me who he was. I mean, out of all the people in the whole year, it would be Ewan wouldn’t it!

That tall boy, Adam, was in the Sports Club tonight with Murray but he didn’t come until near the end. I was there for about half an hour of the time he was and not a lot happened. He saw me and smiled when he first came in and then he went in the table tennis room with Murray but he kept looking round the door for me. When he saw me he smiled and went away.

When I went to the toilet, Hayley and Lindsey said he came to the door, put his hand on the handle, looked around, saw me walking off and went back in the room he’d come from. That was it really. I don’t want to sound big-headed or anything but I think he might actually really like me.

So, now, the people who have fancied me (that I know of recently) have been pretty mingin’. Okay, well Adam’s okay but Ralph Christopherson and Andrew Bailey aren’t really. Why can’t someone really nice (like Ferny or Ewan) actually fancy me? Hey?!

Right, well, the rest of the weekend’s gonna be pretty boring I think. So…


Sunday 29th

[I didn't hate the Spice Girls. I was probably just trying to salvage my last remaining cell of cool after having purchased the B*witched album.]

[I didn’t hate the Spice Girls. I was probably just trying to salvage my last remaining cells of cool after having made purchases such as the B*witched album.]

I went to the Trafford Centre today with Mum, Charlotte and Emma to get a bit of Xmas shopping done and we all saw Posh Spice (Victoria Adams) in Topshop. She was with her mum, sister and some bloke. It’s just a shame she didn’t have David Beckham with her!

I managed to buy Xmas presents for all my mates. I just got them all a £2 bottle of nail varnish each from Claire’s Accessories. I’m going to have to get summit for Emma another time coz she was with me.

For myself I bought the B*witched album and a nightie-style dress from Select which I will probably wear for the Xmas thing at the garden centre. Ewan had better go now!

[Via Wikipedia]

[Via Wikipedia]


I got to hear all about his boxers being too tight – 26th November 1998

Thursday 26th Roxanna (who’s my sister’s mate in Year 10 and who is also going out with Ewan’s mate Harry Preston) has told me that on Saturday night she’s got the house to herself and Harry’s going round so she said that I should go and she’ll get Harry to bring Ewan. She also said that if I don’t go then she’ll call round to my house with them. She’d better not!

I’m actually half tempted to go coz I don’t get all that many opportunities with Ewan but then I remember that it has the potential to be an extremely awkward situation. Seeing as Harry and Roxanna are a couple and she seems keen on doing a bit of matchmaking, it’s is likely we could be left alone together. The other thing is explaining why I am going to Roxanna’s house without Abby on a Saturday night.

It all seems like too much trouble but I can’t help thinking that maybe it’d all be worth it. After all, I’m not going to get many other chances coz it’s not guaranteed Ewan’s even going to the garden centre Xmas thing. Mind you, it’d not guaranteed he’d go to Roxanna’s either. I’ll see what happens tomorrow.

Rick keeps smiling at me and stuff every time he sees me. Usually it’s just a nice smile but sometimes I get that knowing grin from him!

Jez Greenhalgh keeps smiling at me too. He also keeps coming over to me in P.E. when he’s injured or summit. Like yesterday, I got to hear all about his boxers being too tight and sticking up his arse. Yes, Jez, I really do want to know these things. NOT!!!

Aah, I still can’t help liking William Fernley or Ferny as he is more commonly known. I’ve liked him for ages and I was just thinking I was starting to go off him coz of Ewan but every time I see him I can’t stop smiling to myself coz he’s so nice. He’s quite tall and a bit lanky with dark hair all over to one side with sideys and a six-pack. He’s lovely and he’s staying at 6th Form as far as I know. Yes! I don’t know if Ewan’s staying on or not. I hope so.

I’m probably going to the Sports Club tomorrow night and that Adam guy’ll probably be in there. I think Hayley and Lindsey might just stir things a bit so I’m not actually sure if I want to risk going! [My diary would have been a hell of a lot more interesting had I been even slightly less risk averse.]


I’ve finally spoken to Ewan! – 17th November 1998

Tuesday 17th Yes!!! I’ve done it! I’ve finally spoken to Ewan!

Well… sort of. Okay, I was in the same room as him and Emma was talking to both of us but we said the odd word to each other.

It was safer after Swing Band tonight. He had a guitar lesson so he was in the other Music room practicing and Emma went in to talk to him, hoping I’d follow. I nearly just went home but I knew I couldn’t waste another opportunity so I went in and talked to Emma and Ed. Ewan spoke to them too so there was a conversation going at least.

We then talked about Geography and Emma said something about Mrs C and Ewan looked confused until he remembered that Mrs C had another set as well as ours and he said, “Oh yeah, you’re not in my…” then he changed it to “…our set, are you?”

“Our” meaning me and him. Yeah! He does know I exist! Abby (who’d joined us by then) kicked me when he said that and grinned at me coz she’d heard him too.

Emma reckons he’s the one being shy too. He kept going red and he didn’t say a lot to me either when he had plenty of opportunities. I think he was waiting for me to say summit and I was waiting for him to say summit but neither of us really did.

Cat was talking to him on prefect duty. She said at one point he said summit and she heard my name and then he muttered something else, smiled and said, “She’s being shy.” Yeah well, he’s not exactly the most confident person I know either. He could talk to me but he won’t.

I was also being questioned again by Adrian Ford in Art. He asked if I liked Ewan and I said, “Yeah, he’s alright.” Then he asked if I fancied him and I said, “Not really.” Okay, so I lied, it’s too late now.

I went to the Trafford Centre this evening. It’s big.


P.S. To find out what happens next with Ewan (if anything does) you’ll have to find my 14th diary. [Fear not! I found it. It’s dolphin-y.]

See you soon!

(Maybe!) [I didn’t like to jinx things. I assumed the consequence of writing that I’d DEFINITELY see you soon meant I’d be hit by a bus.]

[He’s the obligatory last-page-of-diary round up of who I loved.]

I’d better get in there quick! – 15th November 1998

Sunday 15th I’m bored again. I’ve got plenty of homework to do but I can’t bring myself to start any.

I phoned Emma before to see if anything interesting has been happening in her little life coz she went to town yesterday with Davis and Az Hart. I nearly went but changed my mind coz I knew it’d be Davis + Emma and Az + Suzanna. Good job I didn’t coz that’s how it was until Az started pratting about and Suzanna went off him.

Emma also said that Davis said he thought all her friends are sad and things like that. [Sad as in swots and losers.] He’s going to have to watch himself coz I’ll only go back to making his life a misery if he starts calling me. I hope he’s not said anything in front of Ewan.

Emma thinks Ewan thinks she fancies him coz she said that every time he’s looked up she’s been looking at him and then she goes red. She says it’s just coincidence that she just happens to be looking in his direction and she’s not actually staring at him but that’s what it must look like to him.

I hope he doesn’t start fancying her coz they get on well as far as I know. I s’pose she is going out with Davis Alexander Nolan Junior but if they don’t last long, who knows what could happen.

I’d better get in there quick!


He said “yes” when they asked if he liked me – 13th November 1998

Friday 13th I went to the Italian tonight with all my mates for my birthday. There was this fit lad doing the washing up in the kitchen who works at the garden centre called Jamie so Emma knows him. I think she got him in the background of a photo.

Davis was really horrible to me this morning and was slagging me off at lunch. I can’t really complain coz I’ve done it to him in the past but recently I’ve been trying to make an effort. Then, in English, he asked Emma to stay at his house tonight and I just said I didn’t mind if she didn’t come with us. I think he thought I was being sarcastic or summit coz he started saying about me being self-centred or summit. Then Rach said he was calling me a bitch at lunch and when she asked why he told her it was just coz I was there. Charming!

Hayley and Lindsey were talking to Ewan at Parents’ Evening last night about me. I can’t remember how it started but he said “yes” when they asked if he liked me but he said he really wanted to speak to me. He asked why I always said, “Oh my God” when he came near me and they told him it was coz I was just shy. He said he was too and they said he should just talk to me but he said how could he when I always “run away”. I don’t. [I did.]

Anyway, I’ve decided I want to talk to him now coz Emma said he already likes me and he just wants to get talking and that it’s not very often that someone actually likes you back. That’s very true.

Emma also mentioned the garden centre Xmas part thing and said that when she was talking to Ewan about it he said he couldn’t be bothered going. She said, “Well, I’ll take Tess and you can take Davis” but he said, “No, I’ll take Tess and you can take Davis.” Fine by me! She thought he may have been joking though. He doesn’t know if he’ll go.

I saw him after school. I didn’t speak but I smiled coz we just passed each other. He was definitely looking and I think he was a bit shocked actually!


Certain things are now legal – 12th November 1998

Thursday 12th I’m 16 now. It’s no different though, other than certain things are now legal which weren’t yesterday. I got loads of pressies and loads of cards and I’ve had an okay day so far.

People were trying to make me go in the Music rooms at lunch coz Ewan was in there. I would have done too if they hadn’t have kept going on at me. Rach said that he was telling them to drag me in there but I wouldn’t let them. I wish I had now.

He did sign Emma’s card →

And when he walked past me after school we smiled at each other and he said, “Happy birthday Tess.” Roxanna told me he would.

Rach also said that she tuned into a conversation Ewan was having with Harry Preston. He said, “…and it’s her birthday today.” Then, “Do you think I should talk to her?” Yes, please do. I’m fed up of people telling me to talk to him. If he’s that desperate to speak to me, he can make the first move.

I really like him now though.


P.S. Emma announced this morning that she’s going out with Davis. I was right, yet again!

Is that all he ever says? – 8th & 9th November 1998

Sunday 8th It’s Freddie’s birthday today. I think he got a moped or summit. Emma, Suzanna and I were going to phone him from town today but we got an answer machine.

We went to town coz, when I was at Emma’s last night, Connor and Navid phoned and asked us to go down so we did. Connor still fancies Emma and Navid has given up on Suzanna and he was looking for a new victim so they turned up at Suzanna’s too.

They’re both pretty mingin’ in my opinion. Connor’s tall with greasy black hair and a goofy face. Navid’s short with wavy brown hair and looks like a teddy or summit. They’ve both got pierced ears. Yuk! That really puts me off. I’m not sure what they think of me.

Abby just told me that Roxanna was at Ewan’s house yesterday. She said that Roxanna’s going out with or seeing Harry Preston and Sadie’s going out with Robert Osborne so they went to Rick Swann’s party. She said Ewan was there too.

I bet Ewan’s going out with or at least went with [snogged] someone too. I hope not. Mind you, I can’t see it going much further than it is now with me and Ewan [i.e. absolutely nowhere] seeing as neither of us will talk to each other. They only thing is that I’ve got Adrian asking questions in my Art lesson and Ewan’s got Emma asking questions and stuff in his. I wonder if anything will happen this week coz summit was done or said every day last week, I think.

Emma found out that I E-mailed [Yes, this had a capital ‘E’.] Carl last week and she thinks I embarrassed her so she’s threatening to say summit to Ewan to get me back. I’d rather she didn’t embarrass me but maybe it’s a good thing if she does keep saying little things then he doesn’t forget I like him.

I get the feeling that Emma doesn’t tell me everything he or she says. She doesn’t like to know bad things that are said about her so she doesn’t always tell me things coz she thinks that I don’t like to know things either. I think I said that before. Yeah, I did on Friday.


Monday 9th The Ewan thing’s started up already this week. This time, Roxanna got involved. She saw me on the stairs this morning and asked me if I fancied Ewan. I was a bit less panic-stricken than I was with Adrian and I said he was alright and asked who’d told her. It was Abby.

Roxanna also spoke to Ewan at some other point today coz she told me on the phone that she asked him if he liked me and he said yes but that he wants me to talk to him so he can get to know me better. Is that all he ever says?

Emma was also speaking to him in Art with Harry Preston who asked why I wouldn’t talk to him and was it because I was shy but Cat made some sniggering noise behind them which suggested that I wasn’t. Emma said, “Well, what d’you expect her to do? Just go up and start taking to him?” They said yes. Yeah right, like I’d do that!

There was summit else they said to her after school but I can’t remember what so it’s probably been said before.

Roxanna also says I have to go to Ewan’s village with her when she next goes then we can go to Ewan’s house. Hmm… and that wouldn’t be awkward?! She also said that she’ll tell Harry to bring Ewan with him next time he comes to our village so they can call for me here. They’d better not!


I think he meant the sort of fancying-type want – 6th November 1998

Friday 6th Emma didn’t go to school today coz she said she’s ill. Davis says it’s probably a hangover.

At lunch I was in C Block with Rach talking to Dougie about possibly going to the cinema and Ewan came round the corner. He didn’t say anything to me. Then I was stood by a radiator talking to Rach and he went into a practice room with his guitar.

Then Adrian Ford came and was stood in the doorway talking to Ewan. Then he turned round to me and started pointing to the room whispering, “Tess, Ewan’s in there, go and talk to him.” When I asked why (like I didn’t know!) he said, “Coz he wants you!” Then he walked off.

By saying “wants” I think he meant the sort of fancying-type want. Not that I think he fancies me but that’s the way Adrian made it sound.

Rick [Ewan’s brother] also said hello to me after school and had a sort of knowing smile on his face.

Ewan had come into our form room today to give someone a message from Mrs O. He was stood in the doorway grinning and I think it was coz he was looking at me smiling away to myself. I couldn’t quite tell where he was looking though coz his eyes go like this when he smiles:

But his head was turned in my direction.

I spoke to Emma over the phone before and she said nowt happened with her and a lad last night. She said the Andrew Bailey thing was true and also said that Davis said that if I tried I could look really nice coz I’ve got a good figure and a nice face.

I’m not quite sure how to take it but he also said I was alright (personality-wise) at the moment too. Emma said she thought of it as a compliment or she wouldn’t have told me. That worries me coz she could know summit bad that someone’s said about me and I won’t know and could make a fool of myself coz she won’t tell me.