He was slagging me off no end. Bastard! – 11th & 12th September 2000

Monday 11th Jake and I went to the Trafford Centre tonight after college cos I handed my biology coursework in so I’ve not got as much work. We went to the cinema to see Scary Movie which was pretty good.

Afterwards, we just came straight home which disappointed me slightly but then he parked the car on the church car park next door where we stayed for quite a while. We talked mostly (he did begin 3 but stopped) about stuff.

He said he wants to skip a couple of years so we can live together. He also said he wouldn’t mind living in a tent if we had to! I mentioned the post office here in my village then he said we should put our pennies together and buy a post office in Scotland! Hmmm!


Tuesday 12th Gethin is such a twat!!! I went out of college at 3rd lesson with Jake cos I was free but we came back at lunch to see if anyone wanted a trip to McDonald’s. Gethin, Sarah and Hayley came with us. Hayley’s fine at the moment and isn’t annoying me as much, Sarah seems a bit off with me but I think it might be cos I’ve not been around as much and she’s been left with Hayley, and Gethin’s just being a right moody little bastard!

He didn’t eat anything (and neither did Sarah actually) when we got there so I asked why he’d bothered coming when someone else could’ve done instead. Hayley and Sarah told me later that, when he’d got out of the car afterwards, he was slagging me off no end. Bastard!

Then this evening, I got a message from Sarah that was meant for Gethin and it included the words, “I dunno what’s wrong with Tess – maybe she’s stressed about London” (Jake and I are trying to organise a trip to London at half term and I can’t get straight answers out of anyone!) so they were obviously talking about me.

Then, I got a message from Jake saying Gethin had been slagging us both off to his brother, saying how we’re going to end up with no mates if we’re together all the time. This is very reminiscent of what he said to me over the phone a while back and what he said to Hugo. I told Gethin then that I wasn’t going to put up with it again so I sent him a few messages. They’re on this bit of paper cos I wrote it down before I sent anything so I could get everything in that I wanted to say. →

(The last message on the back is one Jake sent on Monday. I forget to write it in here!)


Gethin sent me a few messages back saying that it was an “over exaggerated insult” and that he’d “put it down to stress and gossip” and then that “in the unlikely event of you ever needing me, you know where I am”. He is sooo cheesy! He should write cheesy soap opera scripts!!

He then asked if our friendship was over but I ignored him! Ha ha!!!

Jake’s far from pleased with Gethin either but I don’t think he’ll do much about it.



One last desperate attempt to get a snog – 29th August 2000

Tuesday 29th I went round to Sarah’s again today to do some more coursework. Jake phoned again and we had another minor falling out cos he told me that he’d been informed that on the last night of cruises, everyone tends to throw themselves at everyone else in one last desperate attempt to get a snog or whatever out of the holiday. He made it sound like he intended on joining in!

So I “accidentally” cut my phone off (i.e. hung up) and then didn’t answer when he rang back and then wished I had once I’d calmed down and ended up sending him an apology for over reacting! He sent me an apology back too. 🙂

I got this postcard off him this morning. →


It’s slightly more impressive than the one I sent him from Wick!

It was Hayley’s birthday so tonight. She got some free tickets from Mr Smith’s in Warrington so Sarah, Hayley (obviously!), Georgia, Chloe and I went. Maz also came cos Hayley said Sarah could invite him.

We started off in Edison’s which was absolutely packed but Hayley still managed to spot Andy (her ex type thing – I was never sure what went on in the 1st place!) who she’s totally obsessed with. So, she dragged Chloe off to find him with her. That pissed Georgia off cos as soon as Chloe was there, Georgia got totally dropped by Hayley. I know how Georgia feels sort of cos Hayley did exactly the same with me and Sarah for Georgia, the difference bring that Sarah and I weren’t that bothered cos we don’t like Hayley all that much anymore!

Hayley had told us that she’d meet us outside at 10:30pm but when we went out, she didn’t turn up for a good 10 minutes so we all got pissed off cos Hayley had the tickets and if we weren’t in Smith’s by 11pm then we had to pay.

Eventually, Hayley and Chloe turned up and I had to put up with Hayley going on and on about what Andy did when he saw her, which wasn’t much! She also decided she smoked too but we all reckoned it was an attempt to impress Chloe as well as look old. Silly cow! She didn’t impress the rest of us cos it was disgusting!

We got into Smith’s easily enough. Abby and Connor were in there but I’ve been told Mum doesn’t know so I’ve got to keep quiet. Ha ha!! Blackmail material!

It was quite busy in Smith’s too but it was really good! Georgia had quite a bit to drink and felt sick (but wasn’t) and got quite a bit of attention from us asking if she was okay. Then suddenly, Hayley also felt sick and announced she’d had too much to drink (she’d had a Taboo and lemonade and a Breezer or something!) and ran into a toilet cubicle and made some coughing noises and came out with watery eyes. I don’t think she’d really been sick, she’d just picked up on the fact Georgia got attention.

We had a dance and then Hayley spotted Andy again. Georgia and I got fed up of waiting for her to see him again so we wandered off to where it was a bit more lively. I kept getting my arse felt and blokes putting their hands on my waist but, other than that, it was better than being with misery guts Hayley!

When Georgia and I went to sit down again, Hayley was already there, very obviously interrupting Sarah and Maz from their snogging! Georgia and I just talked and had a giggle over some bloke’s dancing and pulling techniques and Hayley must have noticed. The next thing I knew, Hayley was dragging me off to the toilets telling me she was going to be sick again. There were more coughing noises, even though all she’d been drinking was water!

Later on, Sarah and I worked out that Hayley had probably dragged me away from Georgia (mid-conversation, may I add) cos she won’t want me and Georgia getting too friendly, just in case she gets left out and therefore less attention!

When we left and booked a taxi, Georgia and I saw Andy rolling round on the grass with some lad in a fight and then getting restrained by a policeman! It was really funny!

Then Hayley announced that it’s not fair cos she’s got no-one to “care” for her! I pointed out that most people haven’t right now and she turned round and said that I’ve got Jake and Sarah’s got Maz and that it isn’t fair. Why shouldn’t we have them? She was trying to make us feel guilty! Bitch!

I asked her why shouldn’t we have anyone and she promptly went off to be “sick” in the bushes. I turned round and I could see her looking at us. As soon as she saw me, she bent over and made throwing up noises. She did the same again when she saw me turn round a few minutes later.

All she needs to care for her is a hospital full of qualified people who know how to take care of headcases properly! She really does need help and I’m not the only one who thinks that. I know for a fact that Jake, Gethin and Sarah (at least) agree with me. Cat Elliot thinks she needs professional help too! Maz has only seen her a couple of times and Sarah said he reckons there’s something wrong with Hayley’s mind!

But, overall (minus Hayley!) it was a really good night and I really enjoyed myself!


Today’s e-mails! →

Jake cruise email 10Reply to Jake email 10

Distressed moody gooseberry – 25th May 2000

Thursday 25th Jake had a General Studies exam this morning so I didn’t see him then but he stayed in college all afternoon with me. He’s recently gone a lot more sort of cuddly. I don’t mean he’s put on weight or anything, it’s just that he holds my hand and leans on me and cuddles me much more in front of people in the common room whereas he used to just sit on a chair next to me! I much prefer it how he is now!! I think I’ve said all that actually.

Hayley, Georgia, Rach, Lena, Gethin, Jake and I all went to Altrincham Ice Rink tonight because we’re not in college tomorrow (inset day). Jake’s quite a good skater and I’m not bad either (meaning I stay upright!) so we just skated round together or stood cuddling by the barrier. He had no gloves so his hands were freezing so he put them down the back of my jeans. I liked that cos that’s what you tend to see real couples doing sometimes, know what I mean?!

Hayley had a bit of a strop at one point (we expect it at some point now, EVERY TIME she comes out with us). This time it was because Rach, Gethin and Lena were getting a taxi home earlier cos they wanted to call in on Brian’s little gathering. Hayley then thought that they were trying to persuade Georgia to go with them (they weren’t) so she thought she’d “get stuck” with me and Jake and be “made to feel like a gooseberry”.

I don’t know if she realises it but everyone is getting so sick of her being a pathetic moody little cow! Rach said, “Hayley’s being so childish” so Georgia then said, “She is, isn’t she?! Wish me luck!” and then bombed it over the ice to have a go at Hayley! I think it worked, whatever Georgia said, but then when Georgia snogged some lad, Hayley did her distressed moody gooseberry thing again!

On the way home, Jake actually took everyone else before me for a change and then asked if I wanted to go somewhere else other than home. I just said I might as well go home cos I didn’t think that not going home would’ve meant longer with him. (I was tired, okay?! My brain wasn’t working properly!) I don’t know where he’d have taken me though. We did end up stopping in The Green Dragon car park so we had a good long snog! That kept me satisfied!


It’s pretty unlikely that I’m pregnant – 28th March 2000

Tuesday 28th I’ve not been in a very happy mood today. There was more than one occasion when I just felt like crying.

Hayley was pissing me off because she was going on about Andy and his sad little friends (they keep doing anonymous calls to my phone) and then after she’d had a long chat with Georgia about it (which I’d kept out of cos I’m sick to the back teeth of hearing about him), she asked me if I was in a mood with her cos she’d spoken to Georgia and ignored me.

What annoyed me was the fact she thought I’d be as pathetic as her! She only thought I was in a mood cos that’s exactly how she’d have reacted if it was the other way round. In actual fact, I’m quite glad she’s found someone else to bore with the subject of Andy!!

Gethin was also pissing me off cos he was in a bitchy mood again. He tells you to stop being so miserable and if you weren’t being then that annoys you so it makes you seem like you’re miserable and makes him sound like he’s right. That’s what he was doing to me, although I was already miserable so he just made me worse! Follow?!

An extra little worry is that my period’s over a week late and that’s not very common for me. I mean, somehow I think it’s pretty unlikely that I’m pregnant seeing as I’ve not had sex or anything but I can’t tell Mum that I’m late cos all the teenage soap stars seem to be breeding at the moment so she’d only think the worst!! I hope it’s nothing serious.

Got a lift off Mum home after college and I saw Jake’s mum pick his sister up at the layby where I was stood. Her car’s a pinky-red VW Polo (for future reference). Jake’s still not said anything about her being ill and neither has anyone else so I’ve no idea what’s going on.

Skiing stuff keeps coming on TV. That reminds me of Jake going to Canada. I don’t want to (and can’t) stop him going but I can’t bear the thought of him leaving. I also really want to go skiing myself!


I’m really going to have to psyche myself up – 25th & 26th September 1999

Saturday 25th I went to LA Bowl this evening with Freda, Bridget, Karen, Zoe and Lizzie. Hayley didn’t come, apparently because of me again. Pathetic! Well, she’s going to the Italian next Friday with Freda and Sarah for a meal. She’ll probably invite everyone else except me now. Either that or the next week she’ll organise something else which she’ll get everyone else to go to.

It was quite good tonight. Zoe went with some lad and there were plenty of other fit ones about. Freda was pretending to be a lesbian and fancy me because there were 2 in a lane near us. She also gave us all stupid names on the bowling screen.

Karen was just Kazza.
Bridget was BJ Girl because she gave Arnie Conway a blow job at one of Freda’s parties.
Lizzie was Oscar because she’s going out with Oscar.
Zoe was Flirt because that’s what she’s always doing.
Freda was FF (her initials).
I was Miss Brownlee – she got that from Aled’s surname.

Freda got her photos back from her party today. There’s an awful one of me, half blinking with my mouth open and one of me and Aled holding hands, talking. She’s threatening to scan them and stick them up around school. I bet Hayley’ll persuade her into actually doing it. I really hope she doesn’t.


I can’t find the photo in question but this is another delightful one of me, Bacardi Breezer in hand, from another of Freda’s 1999 parties.


P.S. Lizzie has chosen me over Freda to go to Alex Ferguson’s testimonial. Brilliant!

Sunday 26th I’m worried about going to school now. I know I’m probably being pathetic because they’re only photos but I’m worried about how people might react. Also, if Freda decided to go ahead and stick copies all over school, it won’t just be my mates that see them. I know the best thing to do would be to just laugh it off but I really don’t like being the centre of attention like that. I hate being embarrassed.

That lad Zoe snogged last night phoned her today. He’s called Jav and lives near an Asda somewhere. He wanted to meet up with her again and he might meet us if we go to town next Saturday like we’ve been planning. I hope he’s got some nice mates!

I’ve got a bloody Swing Band concert at the Parr Hall on Friday. Lizzie and I were going to arrange to go somewhere again but I forgot that I can’t. I’m worried now that Hayley’ll take advantage and get in there with Lizzie and people too. I think she’s already getting Freda on her side.

I’ve not got to show her that I’m bothered but it’s so hard. I just want to give the twisted little cow a good kicking! She’s bound to try and get at me with those photos too. I’m really going to have to psyche myself up into staying totally calm before I get to school tomorrow. I’m really not sure I can manage it but that’s not the way I need to be thinking right now.


Twisted cow – 21st September 1999

Tuesday 21st I think I’ll start by giving the latest update on Hayley’s bitchiness. In my free period today, Rani marches up to me and asks what I’ve been saying about her. I ask what she means and she told me that Hayley told her that I’d told Hayley that I didn’t want Rani to come to the cinema last weekend but she just invited herself.

I mean, I denied it to Rani, of course, because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings so instead I just cut chunks out and said I’d just been talking to Bella about who was going and she had been unaware that Rani was coming so I said I told Bella that Rani had invited herself but that I didn’t mind.

The fact that Hayley sunk so low as to stir things up with that situation annoyed me but the fact she told Rani she wasn’t wanted on Saturday night was totally thoughtless. I can’t believe she didn’t consider how much she could’ve hurt Rani’s feelings just to try and gain someone on her side and try and get at me at the same time.

After that little episode was over, Emma made matters worse but trying to help get back at Hayley. I appreciate the fact she’s sticking with me on this one but what she did wasn’t the wisest of methods of getting to Hayley. It worked but I think I’ll stick to my tactics of ignoring the situation and acting as normal as possible.

Anyway, at break, Emma dragged me over and sat me down on a table and said, “Come one, let’s go and talk to Ferny just to show Hayley!” So we did and started asking about what’d happened to some of his mates but I left the talking to Emma in the end and I spoke to Maeve instead because I knew Hayley was watching and that for me, even though short term it made me feel better, in the long run it might do more harm than good.

As soon as I went near Hayley she said loudly, “Oh look, here comes the jealous one.” At the time I thought she’d just got her words mixed up and she meant I was trying to make her jealous but in my free period I found out what she meant. I was sat talking to Freda and she started off by saying Hayley’d probably kill her if she caught her talking to me because she had a go at her for it last time apparently.

Other than finding out that Hayley was trying to stop Freda talking to me as well as Rani, I was told by Freda that Hayley has now decided I’m jealous of her because she’s been talking to Ferny. Bollocks! Twisted cow’s trying to cover up I reckon because I reckon it’s more likely to be the other way round because of Aled. I’m not sure but it’s probably contributing to all this crap she’s coming out with.

At one point I was having problems controlling my fists around Hayley as she sat there shooting dirty looks so instead I asked her what the fuck was wrong with her. The charming answer I received was, “You should fucking know by now or you’re a stupid fucking bitch.” I told her to simply “chill” because I knew she wanted an answer which she could react to so I didn’t give her enough of one. It worked.

I have to admit that a couple of times throughout the day I was extremely close to tears but I managed to hold them back because I didn’t know what consequences it could’ve resulted in because of the way people could’ve reacted. I could’ve got loads of sympathy and Hayley a hard time but, on the other hand, people may have thought I was putting it on and that would probably have been Hayley’s little comment. I didn’t want to risk it.

I’ve decided that Hayley’s caused more trouble over the last few years for me than it’s worth and I’ve also decided that I don’t particularly want her as a friend anymore although I don’t want her slagging me off to people either. What I’ve decided too is that if she ever attempts to start speaking to me again I’m going to attempt to lose her as a best mate and hope that she just ends up being someone who I can just talk to if there’s nobody better around. My little plan is unlikely to go that way though.

Other things today have been Bella and Bridget deciding Aled fancies me. They said it’s obvious. I’m not so sure. I did influence him into apologising to Cat (after he upset her by repeatedly calling her a man) by telling him it was snidey, though.

Hayley yelled at Aled too about something and generally being a “fucking bastard” as she put it but he commented on her having a squeaky voice. I tried to absorb my laughter in my coat (I don’t think she noticed!) and she stormed off.

Trotter was in a drugs awareness play for assembly. I’ve decided I do actually like him quite a lot despite what Abby says. Nobody knows who he is out of my year though!


P.S. Twisted cow Hayley gave me a picture frame with a photo of me and her in it for my birthday. It’s been say on my desk for ages so to try and relieve some of the pissed offness, I took the photo out. I think I’ll replace it with one of some people in Wick coz I know how sick she is (or jealous of!) hearing about Duncan etc!

I really miss having Emma as a friend – 28th March 1999

Sunday 28th I don’t particularly like myself for thinking this and I wish I didn’t coz she’s been a bitch to me but I really miss having Emma as a friend. I think it’s just compared to Hayley but, looking back, she was so much more fun. She wasn’t scared of going out of her village like Hayley is and she let me speak without interrupting when summit I’d just said reminded her or summit she wanted to tell me, and she wouldn’t start yelling at me or sulking if I said something she disagreed with. Instead, she’d let me have my say and then tell me what she thought without putting me down.

I miss the really long phone calls we had when we’d analyse people’s behaviour instead of the 5 minute ones I have with Hayley because she’s worried how expensive the phone bill’s getting. It’s so unfair that she just doesn’t seem to want to know me out of school anymore.

Maybe I’m being unfair on Hayley too in the way that I let everything she does irritate me. She’s too cautious about everything and too touchy. I feel like I really have to choose my words carefully when I’m talking to her for fear of causing an unnecessary argument.

Sometimes when I’m bored at the weekend, I just feel like jumping on a bus into Warrington or somewhere. I used to do that with Emma. We’d just meet up and go but with Hayley she just wouldn’t do it coz she’d worry about stupid little things like the bus being late, someone she didn’t like getting on the same bus or running out of money. I s’pose she can’t help it but it’s borderline pathetic.

The other thing about Hayley is that every time I mention Emma she goes all touchy. It’s hard not to though and, really, why should I avoid it? I’ve been mates with Emma for years and I still am sort of so most of the things I’ve done have involved her so when I’m talking about stuff I’ve done in the past, she gets mentioned. Hayley just doesn’t seem to understand that I was pretty much best mates with Emma and that I can’t just act as if she never existed.

I think the truth is that Hayley feels threatened by Emma and thinks that I would just leave her out if I was good friends with Emma again. I can’t see that happening. Hayley’s always been a bit jealous of her, I think because of me. I don’t mean to sound big-headed but they were always arguing and I got stuck in the middle.