Putting my teenage diaries online is a pretty daft idea but I can't quite bring myself to chuck them on a bonfire after years of writing EVERYTHING down… with diagrams.
Tuesday 21st I went ice skating today with a few members of Lizzie’s swimming club. There was me, Lizzie, Amir, Damon, Becki, Leon and Brett and Leon’s nephew. It was quite good apart from the fact that all I wanted to do was snog Leon. At one point, Damon said Leon still fancied me but I think it was only because Leon’d said Damon fancied Lizzie. Damon was also nodding his head and pointing in my direction after getting Leon’s attention, as in a ‘go for it’ kind of way. I wish he had’ve done!
When we were on the bus, Becki was going through Leon’s phone and ringing his mates and telling them she loved them and stuff. One of them was Reevesy (Brett said he still likes me) but I don’t know if he believed it. Later on, Lizzie and I were giving Becki numbers to phone, one of which was Aled’s. She rang but he was out so she just told whoever answered that she was Tess. I hope he doesn’t ring me back now.
Zoe kept phoning because she knew Brett was there but he didn’t want to speak to her coz he says he can’t stand her!
I saw Oscar’s new girlfriend in McDonald’s earlier on today. He pointed her out coz he was working. She’s not really pretty or anything but she looks really nice.
I think I like Leon again now, damn it! I hardly spoke to him but I can’t help it. Lizzie’s not sure if he’s going out with Becki or not but I think it’s pretty likely seeing as his phone’s full or messages from her.
Gethin’s now seeing Lizzie officially. We rang him and I made him ask her and it worked!
BYE!
Wednesday 22ndAled phoned this evening to see if I’d phoned him yesterday! I explained what’d been going on and he just told me that he’d heard about Gethin and Lizzie, and Gethin and Hayley at the party. That was about it.
I got a certificate at kickboxing tonight to show I’m now a white belt. We were doing a bit of self-defence and a jump side kick and a more complicated back kick thing. It’s so good!
Zoe informed me earlier that she’s now going out with Brett. He is one confused lad! It was only yesterday that he was saying how much he couldn’t stand her but I now think that was only coz Lizzie was there.
Friday 10thEven more trouble with Twisted Bitch Hayley today. I’d been having nasty, nasty looks off her all morning and then when Lizzie and I were talking about David Beckham getting banned from driving for a while, Hayley came out with, “They’re all a bunch of lying tossers!” for no apparent reason.
As Hayley was going out of the room, Lizzie turned to me and sort of asked what the hell Hayley’d been on about and then when we walked past Hayley, she said, “Oh Lizzie, if you’re going to bitch about me, at least do it to my face!”
I started shaking my head with a disapproving look (directed at Hayley, of course) and she said, “I don’t know why you’re giving me that look, Tess.” So I turned round and told her to grow up. That was a stupid thing to do (but I was wound up at the time) coz it gave her the perfect excuse to yell at me. She started saying how I was the one that needs to grow up (bollocks!) and how I’m doing exactly what ‘they’ (Lena, Lindsey Bullman, etc.) did to us a while back which I’d promised I wouldn’t do.
I just began telling her it was her own fault for not speaking to me constantly but she must have known it was coming and, not wanting to hear it, stormed off. She knows it’s her own fault that I don’t like her at all anymore but she just doesn’t want to hear it.
I found out from Zoe later that, after Hayley stormed off, she’d burst into tears. That will have been purely for sympathy purposes and to make me look like the bad one. The annoying thing is that some people actually take her on and believe every word she says.
Luckily though, some people (especially those who’ve been on the receiving end) know what she’s like. Emma’s been joining in slagging her off and again making me feel better about the situation by actually understanding how I’m feeling about all this (pretty pissed off!) and why.
Cat was saying how Hayley does tend to categorise people and I’m the unlucky one who’s ‘best mate’ (ha, yeah right!). Cat also thinks it’s about time she just let go and allowed us to just drift apart instead of being so possessive all the time.
The 2nd Xmas concert was tonight. I hung about in the back until we’d done Swing Band then went to The Coach and Horses pub with everyone. Nowt interesting happened really except there’s now tension between Suzanna and Gethin, and Suzanna and Emma for some reason.
Aled rode next to me on his bike when I was walking round to Mum’s school after school. I thought he’d just ride straight past coz I’ve not spoken to him for ages but as soon as he saw me he stopped, narrowly missing a collision with a car! He was just telling me about Oscar and his potential girlfriend and I was filling him in on the Lizzie-Brett situation.
Tuesday 16thI had a better day today. Zoe was back to normal with me and Freda seemed okay too. Freda had managed to tune her radio in to the police and stuff and she kept hearing people calling ambulances so that was something to talk about. I was testing her by asking if I could listen and stuff and she let me. She seemed fine with me today.
Rachael Hollins asked me today if I liked Aled because Freda has told her that I said if Aled had’ve been at the party I’d probably never have met [snogged] Leon. I just told her the truth that I probably just wouldn’t have said no to meeting [snogging] Aled if he’d have asked me to.
Julian was also asking me why I liked Aled. He was saying how Aled was a bastard and, seeing as everyone else hates him, asking why I like him. I told him I don’t like him, I just don’t hate him. I actually do like him but I just don’t really fancy him anymore. What’s it got to do with everyone else anyway? You can’t help it if you fancy someone, can you?
I had 2 text messages on my phone today from Leon. The 1st one I was pleased to get and I couldn’t stop smiling afterwards. It just said, “HI ITS LEON. R WE GOING OUT ON THURS?” [All texts that I wrote down in my diary are in shouty-looking capital letters. Was there not a lower case option for texts in the late ‘90s or is this just how I wrote them out? I can’t remember.] I replied by saying yes but that Lizzie and Brett know more about it than me.
The 2nd message I got just plain freaked me out. This one said, “I LOVE YOU!”
How the hell am I supposed to react to that??!!
If I send one back I’ll have to say something like, “I’m not sure how to react to that last message”. What else can I say? I don’t want to ignore it because he might say it to my face on Thursday to see how I react for himself and I don’t want that to happen.
I also don’t want to send the same thing to him and he said to me because, even though that’s the reaction he might want, I’m not saying it if I don’t mean it and I wouldn’t mean it. I’m not even sure I fancy the lad! Like him yes. Well, I did but this has just scared me now.
He can’t seriously mean it himself. He’s only known me a matter of hours from the times I’ve seen him (at the Trafford Centre and the party) and at the Trafford Centre he was still with Becky and at the party he was drunk. It was dark and all!
Honestly, that group of lads from that school are a bit warped when it comes to feelings, I think. Brett’s told Lizzie that he loves her – various times (she had the same panicking reaction as me and doesn’t feel the same way) and Reevesey’s told Zoe he loves her.
I don’t believe this. I really hope he’s not expecting me to tell him I love him because he’s heading for disappointment if he is. We’re teenagers for God’s sake. Love doesn’t come into it seriously! His hormones must be getting mixed up or something!
Lizzie was saying that at swimming training last night I was being referred to as ‘Tesco’ again. Apparently someone said, “Leon really likes Tesco” in front of Leon and his dad! His dad didn’t know what they were on about and made some comment about Leon hating shopping or something and Leon just got embarrassed and went red!
It’s all very flattering but very scary now and all. I seriously need a good discussion with Lizzie and Sarah about this one.
Monday 15thI’ve not had a good day today really. The main fault was with Zoe. She fell out with me because of things I’ve said about Reevesy. Here’s the list:-
I’ve called him ‘The Honeymonster’ too many times and too many other people have caught onto it.
I’ve been slagging him off in front of her and other people.
I’ve been telling people that if I’d have met [snogged] him on Bonfire Night then he wouldn’t be with her.
(I apologise for the various spellings of Reevesey/Reevesy/Reevsey/Reevsy/whatever!)
She confronted me about it upstairs in college and other people (mainly Freda) began to join in. It got off the subject of Reevsey and Freda started on how I was jealous because Zoe had someone and how I fancied Aled but I couldn’t have him. I don’t know where that crap came from but someone did point out that there was Leon.
Later on this evening, Zoe phoned me. I was quite glad really because I could try and give my side without other people butting in. My explanations were:-
I called him ‘The Honeymonster’ because of his messages on my phone asking if Zoe liked honey. I apologised for carrying it on too long.
Can’t remember slagging him off but I did do a bit of piss-taking which I didn’t mean anything by. Apologised for that too.
Bollocks! I never said that to the people who’d told her I said that (Freda, Hayley and Aled apparently). Told her that what could’ve happened was that they twisted my words from when I said Brett asked if I’d go with [snog] Reevsy but I said no then he went for Zoe. Told her I didn’t mean it how it sounded. Apologised.
She seemed to forgive me but it depends now on what others say to her tomorrow. She told me it was so hard not speaking to me because I kept talking at her! She admitted she found the ‘Honeymonster’ thing amusing to begin with until others caught onto it. She told me that it wasn’t just me pissing her off, it was quite a few others too. I hope she doesn’t fall out with me again.
I got told by Oscar today that, at the party, Hayley’d been saying that “Lizzie is stealing Tess from me”. Stupid possessive little cow! That’s not on. I also got told by Sarah that, today, Hayley’d been saying (in a nasty way) how it was so obvious I fancy Aled. Bitch!
Nowt’s happened with Leon yet either. Lizzie spoke to Brett at lunch but Leon wasn’t around. Brett said that Leon really likes me. I want to know what he’s said! I might be going out on Thursday with Lizzie, Brett and Leon but nothing’s definite.
Lizzie told me that his full name is Leon Christopher Farrell (she thinks!) and she confirmed my suspicion that he’s only 16. Never mind, shouldn’t matter.
BYE!
P.S. Beginning to go off Aled – too much hassle! Not fair really.
Sunday 14thI’ve just watched ‘All the King’s Men’ on TV this evening. It really upset me. TV programmes don’t normally have that effect on me because I can convince myself that they’re not real and they’re only acting. With this it was different because wars like that really did happen and so many people were killed.
I didn’t buy a poppy this year because I never had any change. I feel terrible. I should have made the effort to find some money for it but I just never got round to it.
Lizzie phoned earlier asking me if I could go to the cinema with her, Brett and Leon. I said I had to do a Geography essay (which was actually true) and that I’d lost my mobile. She didn’t actually mention Leon asking me out. I’m not sure she knows. She said Brett had sent me a message last night but that was all. She said they talked about me using the codename ‘Tesco’ in front of Becky (Leon’s ex) but Lizzie said she told her that she’d done worse things to Leon before.
I’m still not sure what I’m going to say. I just like Aled so much.
Friday 12th & Saturday 13thI got to school on Friday morning and got given a pile of cards and a couple of presents. Julian got me a Mars bar because that’s what I’ve been telling everyone I’m getting them for Xmas!
Everyone in school knew it was my birthday because there was “Happy 17th Tess” pinned up in the toilet window. I didn’t really mind though. Nobody did anything horrible to me either which was good.
The party last night was brilliant! I went round to Sarah’s house with Lizzie to get changed and so we could arrive together. When we did get to Freda’s, I got more presents and cards and people kept telling me how nice I looked. (I dressed up a bit and was wearing my hair down.) Gethin came into the hall, saw me and Lizzie and said, “You two scrub up well. You both look really pretty.” That put me in a good mood.
Quite a lot of people had turned up by 9:00 pm and I was getting more compliments. Suzanna said my hair looked really nice, Emma kept saying I looked really pretty and Ewan Swann agreed. It was great!
Freddie Bevan turned up at one point. It was so nice to see him because I used to be really good mates with him when he was going out with Emma but then he didn’t come to our college so I’ve not seen him for ages.
Brett eventually arrived with Reevesy, Leon and another lad called Ste who Hayley took a liking to. I got cards of Brett and Leon and then they went and sat on the wall in the garden. I eventually went and joined them with Hayley because Lizzie and Zoe were out there too. Hayley went and sat with Ste (who by now knew she was interested) so I sat on the wall next to Leon.
I was just talking to Brett and Lizzie mostly. They knew I thought Leon was alright but because I was a bit drunk, I didn’t care. Leon and I ended up sitting really close together and holding hands. I realised it was going the same way as it had with Aled and Nathan so I was half expecting that I’d end up meeting [snogging] him. I did soon after. We were sat outside on the wall for ages after everyone had gone inside, just talking and snogging a lot!
We went inside too when Leon needed the toilet so I had to show him where it was. We went in the living room after that with Brett + Lizzie, Zoe + Reevesy and Hayley + Ste (who’d also met [snogged] each other but this time). We just sat on the sofa until 2:30 am, continuing what we’d been doing outside.
Zoe and Hayley had gone home earlier so Reevesy and Ste were moaning. The Mariah Carey ‘Heartbreaker’ song came on and set Reevesy off saying, “This song just fits with this party” and stuff.
People kept either coming in and switching the light on or making us laugh. If they hadn’t, I think Leon and I would have just kept kissing continuously! His hands kept wandering to my top and over my legs and stuff so it was a good job it was dark most of the time!
Lizzie and I walked them to the The Smithy pub where they were being picked up by Brett’s mum. Leon and I carried on kissing, leaning on the pub until their lift arrived and we had to leave each other. Lizzie told me on the way back to Freda’s as I was straightening my top up that Leon’s ex, Becky, had always said he was a bit of a ‘feeler’. Lizzie also said that Leon’d probably talk about the part at their swimming presentation evening tonight so she’ll fill me in on what he says.
Between meeting each other, we did talk a bit. His voice really reminds me of someone else but I can’t think who it is. I found out that he’s called Leon Farrell, he’s got 3 older sisters, he works for some plumber his dad knows and he supports Liverpool (bad!). I didn’t ask him how old he was because I’ve got a feeling he’s only 16 and I didn’t want my suspicions confirmed. He also told me that he doesn’t care about Becky anymore but I don’t believe him.
Other stuff happened at the party too…
Sarah met [snogged] Gethin. I can’t believe that. I was convinced he’s gay! I mean, he might well be but he said he really likes Sarah.
Emma’s now going out with Adrian Ford after they both told me they liked each other and I told them both to just go for it.
Freda met the 18 year old brother of Maggie Ridley called Adam and he gave her his number this morning.
I think that’s about it.
I slept most of today but woke up just in time to watch the England v Scotland match. I think I’ll go back to bed again soon.
Oh yeah, Karen was saying this morning that Ferny was flying a plane over the sea and a bird got caught up in it so he had to eject himself and was in the water for 6 hours. She says he’s got hypothermia which is why he’s not been in college.
Oh my God!! It’s now 8:00 pm and I’ve just got a message on my phone from Brett’s mobile saying, “Lee wants to know will u go out with him? Come out tomorrow with me and Lizzie.” What do I say? I really don’t know if I want to or not.
I just can’t decide but I’m going to have to give an answer soon. I like Leon but it’ll be dead awkward whenever I see him if he’s as shy as everyone says he is.
Okay, truth now… I really like Aled too and if I go out with Leon, I can’t have a sequel to Aled’s gathering and I want one.
I like being single too – no commitment to anyone. If I say yes then I could be with him for ages and I could miss out on other lads which I don’t want to do.
Oh, this isn’t good! I really have no idea what to say. I need to speak to Lizzie but she’s at her presentation evening for swimming with Brett and Leon and people.
Oh shit! I don’t like being in this situation at all.
I’ve just been watching that ‘Music of the Millennium’ on Channel 4 and Travis came on. Their lead singer really has got a look of Nathan about him.
Wednesday 10thI had a better day today, although Aled’s still not wanted at the party. Freda was being more friendly towards me today and so was Zoe.
I didn’t see much of Aled at all today. I saw quite a bit of Trotter though. Fit, fit, fit!!!
Kickboxing was all about using elbows tonight. I think I could be quite dangerous now if I wanted to be! We did a push kick as well tonight. While practicing, the gorgeous Rob the instructor came over to Evie and said, “If there was a colour to describe that kick, it’d be pink!” I thought that was quite good!
Oh yeah, Gethin was pretty much back to normal with me too. Back to hugging me and stuff all the time. I’ve been informed he fancies Suzanna now which could get interesting because she’s coming on Friday.
BYE!
Thursday 11thIt was Poppy’s birthday today and Cat and Freda put a big sign saying Happy 17th Poppy on it. I am now beginning to dread tomorrow! Freda also has a lot of bad photos of me and she has the power to enlarge them too!
Freda was in a pissed off mood today. She was being really moody and gave Sarah a long list of people who are pissing her off. Sarah says I’m wrong but I have a strong feeling I’m one of them.
Lizzie told me today that Brett’s mate and her swimming acquaintance, Leon, has split up with his girlfriend. She dumped him by letter last night on holiday. Although he’s probably thoroughly miserable, I’m not because he’s one of Brett’s better looking friends and could possibly be coming to the party. Lizzie said he’s a bit shy thought. Mind you, everyone said that about Nathan too.
Aled’s so stupid! I think he wants to come to the party but he’s being a bastard towards Freda because he knows he’s not wanted there. I’ve told him he’d better try and be nice to her tomorrow but I won’t get my hopes up.
He said to me today, “You look well nicer with your hair down.” I think I might wear it down to the part now – just in case!
BYE!
P.S. This is my last day of being 16. At 12:14 am tomorrow, I’ll be be 17. Just thought I’d point that out!
Tuesday 9thMost of the conversations I’ve had today have revolved around one subject. The party. Freda has now decided that if Aled comes then the party ends at midnight, if he doesn’t it’ll go on until 2am. She’s made sure everybody knows this so that nobody’ll want Aled to come, not just her.
Personally, I think that’s really shady. I’d be really upset if I found out that someone had said that about me. He pretends he couldn’t give a toss about it but I bet he does really. Who wouldn’t be bothered?
Freda also had a minor go at me at lunch. She told me what she’d decided about Aled and then said, “So if you think it’s going to be shit, you might as well not bother coming.” I admit I was saying yesterday that it had the potential to be a crap party and I know I should be grateful that she’s having it at her house at all. I was just pissed off about the Aled thing (because she’d said she didn’t want him coming yesterday) and the fact everyone had to be out by midnight when most people would only have been there for a couple of hours. I wasn’t just me saying so but it must have got back to her that it was me because it’s on my birthday.
Freda also said to me to stop inviting people because it was her house so she was deciding who to invite. Actually, I haven’t invited anyone who wasn’t going already. Brett’s coming now with Reevsey but Zoe and Lizzie are there ones who got them to come. Everyone else is inviting friends too. For example, Suzanna’s coming with Emma. I seem to be getting the blame for all of this. I do feel a bit guilty though because it is her house and she didn’t have to have a party but then I suppose I didn’t force her into it either.
I’m really disappointed about Aled not being able to come too. It’s the only other chance I’ll get with him, for a while at least. I just wish more people liked him. Especially Freda! It’s his own fault in a way because he takes the piss out of people so much. He can be a nice lad when he wants to be though. Even if he did go to the party, I’d be wary of going with [snogging] him again with so many people being there because, if he started being a bastard and I stayed with him, I’d be likely to lose friends too. I really like him. It’s so unfair.
Just today I’ve developed a really uneasy feeling about this party but I can’t quite put a finger on exactly what’s bothering me. I think it might just be a combination of everything put together. It just feels like nothing good’s going to come out of it.
Sunday 7thI went to see The Blair Witch Project this evening with Cat, Lizzie, Oscar and Aled. It was realistic but had a disappointing ending. It was still quite good though.
Uncle R and Auntie M were on TV this morning. There was a section on Countryfile about the Orkneys and they were talking on it. They didn’t phone to tell us or anything. We wouldn’t have seen it if Dad wasn’t stuck in the chair with a bad back!
Hayley phoned today. I told her what’d been going on here but she was too full of Florida to care much. She’ll probably have more to say about the Aled situation tomorrow when she’s spoken to Sarah and people.
I’ve got a bad feeling about tomorrow. As well as Hayley getting back, I’ve lost my Geography textbook. Mrs C was saying last lesson (when nobody brought their books!) that if anyone failed to bring it to her next lesson then they’d be in serious trouble. Oh yeah, I’ll look forward to that all day!
Freda has now decided once and for all that the lads aren’t staying all night on Friday. That’s not good. Aled’s decided he is going to hockey now and that means he won’t get there until about 11:30pm. He’ll get there and he’ll have to go straight home again. That means I won’t be getting very far with him. 😦 I’m pissed off!
BYE!
P.S. Aled’s actually bought a coat! He’s been going round in short sleeves all the time because he’s too stingy to buy a coat but his dad’s got him one. He looks very nice in it and all. It’s a blue Adidas fleece with a yellow collar.
Monday 8thMrs C didn’t bother about the textbook and it turned out it was in school anyway.
I didn’t see much of Hayley today but she gave me my present from Florida – a pen. Oh yeah, and a Mickey Mouse-shaped lolly.
Aled’s decided he’s not going to the party at all. I’m really disappointed. He said it’s not worth it coz the lads have got to be out by midnight. He was looking really nice today in his fleece and pretty similar t-shirt. That made it worse because I really like him now.
I think that’s it for today. My brain’s not been working properly because I only got about 3 hours sleep last night. Mollie the dog woke me up wanting a back scratch, Dad wasn’t in so I had images of him being paralysed in a gutter somewhere because of his back on the way home from the pub, and then I kept thinking about that bloody film I saw yesterday!
Friday 5thI went to the Victoria Park bonfire this evening in Warrington but there was no bonfire, just a firework display and a few fairground rides. I was with Lizzie, Zoe, Freda, Poppy, Lucy and Rani and we met up with Brett and a few of his mates. Then all our lot went home early except me, Lizzie and Zoe so we just hung about with Brett etc.
They were all pretty minging. There was Rob who’s 16 with blonde hair who’s normal height and thin. Reevsey who’s 16 too, I think, and tall, quite fat with blonde hair. A little lad who I think was called Chris who’s apparently 17 and nice looking but too short. And then there was Brett.
Damon and Leon and a few others also turned up at one point but went later. Emma and Keira were there with Davis and his lot. Nathan was with them somewhere but I didn’t see him. I’m not too bothered. It could’ve been awkward and I looked a complete state!
We got sick of the so-called “bonfire” so we headed for McDonald’s in town. I got told that Reevsey liked me but then Zoe said she liked him. They ended up going with [snogging] each other and are now going out.
We met up with Emma and Keira again in the bus station and Emma ended up getting a lift home with Lizzie’s mum with us. As we were all walking to the Golden Gates where we were being picked up, Rob said to me and Emma sounded and looked like we were popular. I’m not sure what made him come out with that other than the fact we were talking about a lot of different people. I was quite flattered by that comment of his.
I like talking to Emma. She’s a good listener. For example, I was saying how I was worried about Hayley coming back, with the Aled stuff that’s been going on and all, and she made me feel so much better by telling me that nobody really takes Hayley seriously because most people know what she’s like.
She also said she’s in a similar situation with Nicola Banks. She says she can’t relax around her and has to watch what she says because Nicola, like Hayley, overreacts and can’t see how unreasonable she’s being. She told me that she wasn’t really enjoying college, partly because there are only a few people who she gets on well with. She says I’m one of them. That’s good!
I saw loads of Trotter in school today, just walking round. He’s had his hair cut. It’s still spiky but there are no blonde bits anymore. I was thinking just yesterday that he needed a haircut too!
Cat was doing a plan of who’d get together with who at the party next Friday in Biology. Lizzie and I helped her along with it. It went something like this:
Someone told Gethin what’d been written. I don’t think he was very pleased. Notice Cat’s blocking off of the arrow between me and Freda. That’s her job for the night!
If Destroyed Still True 