I’m probably never going to want to go to his house again – 3rd February 2001

Saturday 3rd
8 weeks + 5 days to go!

Normally the weekend days go pretty slowly but today’s gone quite fast for a change. I was in town with my mum for a while though, taking stuff to the charity shop and getting holiday brochures for Barcelona. I only managed to get one with it in it though but there’s quite a big section. Ooh, I’m getting excited already!

I’ve remembered some more stuff about last night. Robbie started asking me where I was going to go to uni and I said I wasn’t sure cos I didn’t know why he was asking. Then he told me he thinks I should go to Huddersfield with Jake! That was quite nice to hear actually. Also, he said that the letter he’d read from Jake to me was really quite sweet but then I found out that other people like Declan and Rory have heard about it. I don’t like the thought of Robbie telling all his mates about it all! 😦

I was on the phone to Jake for quite a while tonight, talking about what his brother had said to me about his dad. I was even more bothered about it after I’d spoken to him cos he pointed out a few things. He said that if it’s true then I’m probably never going to want to go to his house again, just in case his dad’s there and that it could be awkward if we’re together for a good while longer. He’s right!

Jake also said that he’d hate it if my parents didn’t like him and that he wouldn’t be as bothered if we weren’t in a serious relationship but we are so it’d be better if his dad liked me. We still can’t think what I’ve done to make him dislike me though. 😦

Jake said he’s going to be really annoyed if what we’ve been told his dad said is true cos there’s no proper reason for it as far as we know. If it’s to do with the fact that Jake’s not at home as much as he used to be because of me then he’s going to be even more annoyed cos he found out from his brother that when his dad went to Milan the other week, it wasn’t a business trip like Jake thought, he apparently went with some woman headteacher.

He said he was going to ring his dad after he’d spoken to me so now I’ve got to wait until I get an email tomorrow to find out if I really am not liked!


Today’s emails →

03-02-01 Jake email03-02-01 Tess email


He ended up totally bladdered – 2nd February 2001

Friday 2nd
8 weeks + 6 days to go!

Nothing much happened in college today except for Rory and Gethin competing for attention! They’re so alike and it’s so annoying! One of Rory’s little attention stunts was giving everyone stickers. Other people joined in then and I got given this one by Robbie Taylor! →

I want you! Now!

I don’t think anything was meant by it cos he’d done lots beforehand and I just happened to get that one!

Tonight got a bit interesting actually. I think I’ve said what happened pretty much in my mail to Jake [see below today’s “Bye!”] so I can’t be bothered writing it all out now!

I was getting on with Robbie T quite well and he said he’s going to speak to me more often in college. He ended up totally bladdered by the time we got back to Declan’s house and that’s when he started confessing stuff, like the fact he read the long letter Jake gave me before he went.

At the time, I wasn’t that bothered that he’d read it cos I was a bit on the drunk side of things myself but, now I think about it, there’s no way he should’ve read it. It was completely private and there’s no excuse for reading it at all. Fair enough if it hadn’t been obvious who it was to then he could’ve read it to find out but that wasn’t the case.

It also upset me a bit when Robbie told me his dad doesn’t like me. I mean, I didn’t burst into tears over it but it’s hurt my feelings a bit to hear that cos I don’t know what I’ve done. Robbie said it’s cos I never say hi or anything to his dad but that’s bollocks cos I do! He was really pissed when he told me this and wasn’t making much sense but surely he wouldn’t have said it without a reason. Something must have been said to trigger it.

Ooh, I forgot, Jake phoned at about 4:45pm today and just told me about a few more injuries that have occurred and talked about going on holiday again.

I’ve just remembered something else Robbie said. When we were in The Crow pub (before he got leathered!), out of the blue he turned to me and said, “Oh, Tessa. My dad said he sends his regards and says that Jake got done for speeding.” I don’t understand why he’d have said that to me! To be honest, at the time I thought it sounded like a sarcastic comment so maybe he doesn’t like me cos he thinks somehow I’m the cause of Jake getting caught by speed cameras. Maybe it’s cos he always gets really high phone bills for his mobile too because he’s always texting me but then Jake always reassures me that his dad doesn’t mind.

I just don’t get why he doesn’t like me! 😦


Today’s emails →

02-02-01 Jake email02-02-01 Tess email 102-02-01 Tess email 2

Halfway up the hill – 1st February 2001

Thursday 1st
9 weeks to go!

It was boring at college again today and then I had to walk home and it was absolutely freezing!

It’s a good job I set off walking cos I might have missed Jake’s phone call if I’d waited for a lift from Mum. He explained to me about the conversation he’d mentioned in his email about relationships. He said they just asked him how long we’d been going out and then this guy said he’s been separated from a long term girlfriend when he went to uni so they only got to see each other at the weekends. Apparently they didn’t split up because of it.

I then suggested that I went somewhere other than Huddersfield Uni but Jake said he wouldn’t want that. 🙂 Good! Neither would I!

Then we got talking about Barcelona. I haven’t got round to looking for accommodation yet and Jake said he’s not got much time to do it. So, because I was a bit pissed off I suggested we just don’t bother going. He didn’t like the idea and started saying he’ll find the time to sort it out. We both really want to go so we finally agreed that if one of us finds somewhere we’ll let the other one know about it so we can check it out and decide either yes/no/maybe!

I do wish he was here because half the fun of a holiday is planning it so you can look forward to it but I want us to be able to do that together. I really hate him not being here. I love him too much for this!

Sarah pointed out a good way of thinking about how long Jake’s gone for. I told her that he’s been gone 3 weeks now and that’s quarter of the time he’ll be gone altogether. A quarter didn’t really sound much to me but Sarah said to think of it as being halfway up the hill!


It sounds (and looks) better, doesn’t it?!


Today’s emails →

01-02-01 Jake email01-02-01 Tess email

It’s probably going to cost me a bomb to send! – 31st January 2001

Wednesday 31st
9 weeks + 1 days to go!

I went into Warrington with Sarah, Lizzie and Cat after college today cos I needed to find something for Jake for Valentine’s Day.

On the bus on the way there, I had the feeling that I probably wouldn’t be able to find anything but I did. For Valentine’s Day, I got him a Purple Ronnie card, an ‘I need a hug’ bear with a blue nose and a chocolate Bang On The Door lolly saying ‘Kiss’ on it.

Then I saw a couple of other things which I’m going to send too cos we’ve been going out a year. I bought him a Boots milk lip balm cos he like mine and a Jessie the Cowgirl doll (out of Toy Story 2) cos I know he likes cowgirls!

I was just beginning to think he wasn’t going to phone when he did at about 7:35pm. He told me he’d had to ski to warm up first which is why he didn’t phone at 7pm like he said he would. He didn’t really have much to say so we just gave each other clues about what we’d bought for one another!

He said he hoped I hadn’t bought him a really big teddy or anything and that worried me a bit cos I have bought him a little one plus a doll! Oh well, he’ll have to make do! He’d better appreciate it cos it’s probably going to cost me a bomb to send!


Today’s emails →

31-01-01 Jake email31-01-01 Tess email

How far did she think that was going to go??! – 30th January 2001

Tuesday 30th
9 weeks + 2 days to go!

I have had such a bad day today! Nothing majorly terrible went wrong, it’s just been loads of little things that have built up over the day and have finally reduced me to tears this evening.

I mean, the main reason I’m not as happy as I could be at the moment is, obviously, that Jake’s so far away for so long.

Then on top of that, our holiday plans fell through but I suppose we are still going anyway, as long as he gets back alive and in one piece and I stay alive and in one piece!

Then there have been all these other people pairing off (e.g. Dec and Lizzie) and normally I’d be happy for them (I am really) but it does sort of keep reminding me of the fact I’m on my own.

Anyway, today seemed to start okay apart from the rain but once I got to college, I didn’t know what to say to Sarah and it was a bit awkward at first until the subject of her not telling Cat about Barcelona came up. Then I just found myself getting annoyed with her which made matters worse cos she then started apologising loads which just irritated me even more!

Then Rachael Hollins started telling us about the latest Hayley stuff with her (she hates Rach now too!) and Sarah started saying how she knows Hayley’s a pain and that Hayley’s been a bitch to her too but it’s just “easier” to be nice to her. That annoyed me too cos people being soft is what Hayley relies on to keep herself in with groups of people. I mean, I know Sarah can’t help being nice, and that’s a good thing, but I can see her letting Hayley become a good friend again and then sooner or later falling out with her and getting upset all over again. Hayley’s not worth that!

The next thing to annoy me was Cat when we were checking our e-mails. I had one and she didn’t so she sat looking over my shoulder saying how unfair it is that I get e-mails nearly every day, and long ones at that, and nobody else gets any. Why shouldn’t I?! She makes me feel guilty though cos I know how I’d feel if it was the other way round but then would she be bothered about me like that?

Next thing to happen was in McDonald’s. I bought a supersize meal with tonnes of chips, only to discover after I’d paid that there was no barbeque sauce! So, instead, the stroppy bitch behind the counter gave me ONE crappy little sachet of ketchup!

How far did she think that was going to go??!

I asked for some more so she gave me about 15 of them! Stupid cow! Not only is it cheap, crappy ketchup but it’s not even in little pots anymore so you have to squeeze it onto something in order to dip your chips in it!

Then, in the car on the way back, Lizzie bloody Bond squirted the contents of her inhaler into my left eye! It wasn’t like it was an accident either! She’s been pissing about with it for ages and then did that to gain a bit of attention, I suppose! Well, she got some bloody attention alright! I didn’t know I had it in me to growl “WHAT?!?” so loudly when she asked me some inane question about something outside the car!

When we got back to college, I then had the ‘pleasure’ of being forced to watch Lizwad and Declan slobbering all over each other! She drags him over to where there’s a large group of people so they can snog and stuff, rather than move to a quiet corner. It’s just to show each other off and rub it in a bit more!

Not only that but when Dec was over the other side of the room, Lizwad was sat all over Gethin then Karen then Dougie and then Robbie Taylor, even when he was sat next to Emma!

The day at college was almost over when I made the mistake of saying my watch strap smells of Jake (I sprayed I with his aftershave!) to Sarah. If she’d have rolled her eyes any more, they’d have disappeared into the back of her head forever!

I couldn’t believe it! I mention him once and I get a reaction like that after I’ve sat through hours of her going on + on + on + on + on + on + on about her ‘Mazzles’! I did have a bit of a go at her and then went quiet before getting “Ooooh, moody!” off bloody Cat! Oh, and she never goes on about Mr L, does she?! Hah, like fuck she doesn’t! Cat is also pretty well known for her mood swings so has no right to call me moody!

After college, I had to put up with Swing Band. Mr P had a go at me and Emma for chatting and then we played the crappest tunes we’ve got!

I mentioned to Emma about everyone’s parents going away in the summer and as soon as I said they Taylor’s dad’s going away, she mumbled something and smiled oddly and then wouldn’t tell me what she said. So, a nice bit of paranoia to end my day at school!

I then tried to tell Cat about Maeve Ackerley getting on my nerves by showing off by playing her flute with one hand and stuff, only to see Maeve stood in close proximity!

I then tried to tell my sister how, for some reason, everyone’s been irritating me today and she said really nastily,” Well, everyone pisses you off!” Bitch!

When I got home, I was just waiting for a phone call from Jake when Abby decided to go on the internet. She wasn’t even doing anything important, just chatting to someone. I was pleading with her to go offline so Jake could phone but she dug her heels in and said she’d only be longer if I didn’t go away.

That upset me cos I really needed to speak to Jake after such a crap day and Mum saw us arguing, told us we’d better have sorted it out by the time Dad got home cos he’s had some bad news, slammed the door and took Mollie out for a walk. Great, bad news!

Jake did phone at about 4:45pm but I spent most of the phone conversation crying down the phone at him saying what a rotten day I’ve had! As usual, he didn’t have much to tell me so we got onto the subject of holidays which cheered me up quite a bit! I love him so much! He can usually make me feel better and he actually listens to me… not that he’s got much choice, I suppose!

I was fine until later on when Mum depressed me again. First of all she started talking about those doctors who’ve taken babies organs and said Grandma L says it’s not as bad as when she was a nurse cos if a baby was born disabled, they just let it die and other awful things like that. She said Grandma didn’t realise how awful it was for families until Auntie S had Iain, who was still born. That upset me to hear all that.

Then, Mum told me that bad news that Dad got. Apparently we owe LOADS of tax (I don’t really understand) and we have no money at all. This has now worried me cos how am I going to go to uni? I know there are ways but I don’t understand money stuff. Mum and Dad also want to pay for my driving lessons too but what with?

Right, that’s about it, I think! My arm’s aching from writing now! I don’t know what’s been up with me today really. Stuff that wouldn’t normally bother me has really got to me instead. Oh well, I’m going to bed!


Today’s emails →

30-01-01 Jake email30-01-01 Tess email

I’ve hardly got any time at all!  – 29th January 2001

Monday 29th
9 weeks + 3 days to go!

Sarah wasn’t in college today but I assumed she’d mentioned to Cat that she wasn’t going to Barcelona. I found out she hadn’t when I asked Cat what she was going to do. She just looked at me blankly and asked me what I meant. So, I ended up having to explain and feeling guilty (even though it’s not my fault!) cos Cat said she’d been looking forward to that and was obviously really disappointed.

It was a pretty boring day in college and I had to wait until about 7:15pm before I spoke to Jake. He’d warned me yesterday that he wouldn’t be phoning until later on because he’s sending me a couple of packages with stuff in. He reckons they should arrive on about Saturday.

He also told me he’s got me presents for Valentine’s Day AND our 1 year anniversary! That means I’m going to have to start thinking of something to get him now. I mean, I intended to get him a Valentine’s present but I was just going to get him a card for our anniversary thing. I’m going to have to find him something pretty soon cos we started going out on Feb 11th and that’s only a couple of weeks off. Plus it takes about a week to get to Canada.

Oh no! I’ve hardly got any time at all! I’d better go and think….. quicky!


Today’s emails →

29-01-01 Jake email29-01-01 Tess email

My day’s been so boring – 28th January 2001

Sunday 28th
9 weeks + 4 days to go!

Nothing whatsoever has happened today. I’ve been sooo bored! I had to wait until 6:30pm before I could speak to Jake too which made the day drag on even more. He phoned a bit later tonight cos he was having a day off skiing so I wasn’t worried when he didn’t phone at the normal time because I suspected he might have a lie in considering he’s been saying how tired he is.

He didn’t really have all that much to say really. Neither did I cos my day’s been so boring too. We just talked about going on holiday together and stuff again. We’ve decided to suggest going to Barcelona to Cat and Sarah for more of a long weekend than a week and if Sarah still can’t come, we’ll be happy to just go on our own! We’re going to see if more people want to go to Dublin or somewhere for a weekend instead.


Today’s emails →

28-01-01 Jake email28-01-01 Tess email