I am not going to waste my time being upset over a lad – 19th August 2001

Sunday 19th I told Mum this morning about me and Jake and she hugged me and said it’d be okay. I needed to hear that!

Jake and I both helped Dad do some levels in some field today which was tiring. I was fine when I was with Jake and we held hands in the car but this evening (when he’d gone) I was really upset. Jake had said this might not be for good but he didn’t sound too convincing. He started saying he just doesn’t feel the same etc. again.

Mum was really nice to me again tonight. She said I will get over it and she knows cos it’s happened to her on more than one occasion. She said she’s cross with him for upsetting me so much and cos my family’s been really nice to him while his haven’t been quite so nice to me.

This really is not what I wanted at all but there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m actually annoyed with him now, even though that’s not really fair. Grrr!!

I am not going to waste my time being upset over a lad. After all I’ve said to my friends in the past, I can’t be hypocritical. Mind you, I have been with him for a long time so maybe I’ll let myself be a little bit upset… but not constantly. I refuse to be pathetic and whinge non-stop and bug all my friends!


I’m in a state of shock! – 18th August 2001

Saturday 18th Jake and I have split up. I can’t quite believe it actually. I think it’s going to take a while to sink in.

It happened this morning over the phone. We had a very long and upsetting talk about it and both cried. He said he doesn’t want to get to uni and then split up cos we won’t have our friends for support. Also, he said he loves me in a different way and it’s not the same as when we first got together. I kind of agree with that cos we don’t get as excited about seeing each other as we used to but then it’s still nice. Surely it’s normal to feel like that once you’ve been with someone for a long time though.

He said he used to really miss me when we were apart but when I was in Scotland and Germany, he didn’t really bother as much. He also said Barcelona wasn’t as good as he expected cos we fell out on the first night. He said I wasn’t very “adventurous” cos I wanted to get back to the hotel. I actually just didn’t want to get mugged/murdered after hearing it wasn’t that safe at night.

It was a mutual decision I suppose but he definitely wanted it more than I did and said it wouldn’t be fair on either of us to drag it out. I agreed with the reasoning, especially the uni bit because it does make some sense but it isn’t really what I want.

I’m sort of relieved in a way that it’s over because otherwise I’d just be waiting for it to happen and I wouldn’t be as happy as I used to be when I felt secure with him. I suppose he can’t help going off me. I bet he goes after Emma now!

I’m glad we haven’t fallen out. We’ve agreed that we’re best friends so we can’t just stop seeing each other. He said we can still have hugs. That’s good because I’m going to need hugs!

He said “I love you” before he hung up which was nice to hear. He said he does still love me but it’s a different kind of love, whatever that means. I think I know what he’s on about cos I think I feel the same in a way. I’m not sure though. I’m confused. I don’t know how I’m feeling or what to think. I’m not really too upset but then it’s not really registered yet. I’m in a state of shock!

As long as I still see him that’s okay. What I’m worried about is him getting another girlfriend. I can’t stand the thought of it! I suppose I can always remember the fact that I had him first! 🙂

I went round to his house this afternoon. We both got upset so we just hugged a lot. He still kept telling me he loves me too. We also did The Run [a pub crawl] tonight. I told Cat and she was really nice about it. Jake and I still held hands and hugged and pecked each other kisses on the lips and said we loved each other.

I really can’t believe all this has happened. I’ll probably never find anyone else like him. 😦


It’s not the right atmosphere for a girlfriend – 17th August 2001

Friday 17th I went to Jake’s house today and he came to mine for a Chinese later on. We had a proper serious discussion about splitting up at uni. Usually I’m the negative one about it and he’s being all positive but this time it was the other way around. I didn’t like it cos there didn’t seem to be any way of convincing him that it might be alright. He also upset me by saying things like, “Do you really think we’ll still be together when we’re 40?” and “6 years is a long time” (that’s how long he could be at uni for) and “We’ve only been together 18 months”.

After all the nice messages about wanting to marry me and be together forever, all that wasn’t very nice to hear cos it makes me think he didn’t really mean the nice stuff. He kept saying how loads of his mates have split up with their girlfriends since they got to uni and how it’s not the right atmosphere for a girlfriend and we might have different groups of friends.

The discussion carried on while we were waiting for his bus to arrive. He’s been fine up until I got back from Scotland and now he’s really bothered about it. I want to know why. I think maybe one of his friends has said something to him or he wants Emma.

When the bus came, he gave me a quick kiss goodbye and then went off, leaving me wondering what the hell is going to happen.


Cat was insistent that his room smelled of cum – 16th August 2001

Thursday 16th Before I got my results today. I kept getting that awful sinking feeling every time I remembered.

I was one of the first people to get up the stairs in college so I was one of the first to receive results. Mrs P handed me the piece of paper with my results on. I couldn’t believe it when I brought myself to look at them.

I got:

  • BIOLOGY >>> C

Exactly how I did it I have no idea but I’m VERY VERY pleased with myself!! 🙂

I rang Mum and she had to check it was me and not my sister when I told her. Abby got her AS Level results and got a load of As and a C.

Jake came to meet me at college cos we were all going out to celebrate/drown our sorrows in The Beech Tree. This is what my friends got:
(N = Near miss but still a fail
U = Totally failed)

  • Cat 4 >>> As and a B
  • Sarah >>> a B, a D and an E
  • Lizzie >>> a C, a D and an N
  • Karen >>> ?
  • Isaac >>> 3 Cs
  • Gethin >>> ?
  • Denny >>> ?
  • Floyd >>> an N and 2 Us
  • Freda >>> an E
  • Dougie >>> 4 As and a B
  • Emma >>> ?

Jake had a party at his house (cos his Dad and sister are away) this evening. Quite a lot of people turned up in the end. It was okay but I hardly ever saw Jake cos he was too busy following Emma round like a little sheep. He used to fancy her years ago and I think he still does. Every time she sat down so did he and I kept coming into rooms to find them sat on the floor together. They also went off and were jumping in someone’s hedge at one point. I’m sure Jake hugged her at one point but it was dark so I wasn’t sure.

I spent most of the time in Robbie’s room with Cat. It was quite funny cos Cat was insistent that his room smelled of cum and Gethin was very obviously coming on to him.

[Cat sent me in to confirm the aroma.]

When everyone decided to get some sleep, Jake and I both slept in his bed. We had a minor fall out but he insisted he didn’t fancy Emma. Yeh right! When we were in bed, 3 happened but that was it unfortunately.


S H I I I I I I I I T !!!!! – 15th August 2001

Wednesday 15th I went round to Cat’s again today to help her scan some more photos. There are piles of them everywhere. It’s going to take her weeks to sort them all out. [I’m very glad she did as they’ve been a great source of terrible photos for IDST – Ta very much, Cat!]

Floyd was there too so we got quite a lot scanned and saved. For some reason, Floyd decided he wants to adopt me. Hmm.

Mum let me drive to Jake’s this afternoon. When I got there, he kept trying to take my clothes off again. I wouldn’t have minded had his brother not also been in the house! His brother was actually being quite nice to me today and wished me luck for tomorrow.

Urrghh! That reminds me…..

S H I I I I I I I I T !!!!!

I get my results for my A Levels tomorrow. Oh no, I’m going to finally officially know I’m well and truly thick!

These are my own predicted grades for tomorrow:

BiologyEI don’t understand it and I’ve always got crap module grades.  
GeographyDI totally cocked up my last 2 exams due to not doing anywhere near enough revision and knowing nothing about Guernsey or ICI.
Sports StudiesEMiss P annoyed me so I didn’t feel like doing any work for her in lessons.

Mr B was amazingly boring so I spent his lessons drifting in and out of consciousness.

Mr P-K was amazingly fit so there was no hope of me concentrating on my work.  
General StudiesFailIt’s complete bollocks.


Like I’d get in a car with him! Creep! – 12th to 14th August 2001

Sunday 12th I went to Reiss beach this afternoon with Mum, Dad, Auntie S, Tom, Minnie and the metal detector. That was fun until we started getting eaten alive by midges!

This evening, Rhian, Abby and I went out cruising in a car with Rhian’s friend Dee and her brother Graeme. Everybody in Wick seemed to be out so it was quite good. At one point, Abby and I got out and stood on the street cos Dee had to home and Duncan kept driving past with his cousin, Kate. They waved and then stopped and asked if we wanted a lift anywhere. Like I’d get in a car with him! Creep!

Another car full of lads also stopped and asked for a “date”. Of course, we basically told them to fuck off cos they were obviously total gimps.

Later, we got in Sandy’s lovely car with Rhian cos her boyfriend, Marc, was in there with him. He took us up to Noss Head cos we’d told him about the Highland cows and the lads wanted to see them!

I was quite surprised when I first got in Sandy’s car cos I expected thumping dance music like everyone else had blasting out. However, Sandy had The Corrs album on. It was quite nice actually!

When we got to Noss Head, we stopped in the car park and saw that there were already some people there. It was Dunny and Kelly and a couple of others smoking stuff. They were obviously drunk/stoned (or both) cos Kelly got on someone’s moped, started it up and whizzed straight into a nearby ditch! It was so funny! The lads tried to get it out and got totally covered in mud while Kelly just laughed and watched them without a speck of dirt on her!


Monday 13th Travelled home. Really boring day.


Tuesday 14th I had another dream about Ferny last night. Weird.

I went round to Cat’s today with all my photos cos she’s putting them all on CD so all our friends can have a copy of each other’s piccys.

After that, I went round to Jake’s. We had a bit of a jokey falling out about splitting up at uni but it’s obvious he’s genuinely worried about it. He also started trying to undress me later, just as Mum arrived to pick me up. Damn it!


I slapped Abby today – 11th August 2001

Saturday 11th We went to John o’Groats today to get presents and stuff. I bought Jake a pottery worm and a blue lump of glass.

We also went to the church in Wick to see Uncle R’s mural thing. It’s got him, Mr Boom and Moses holding a piece of jigsaw in it. Mr Boom’s in it cos the guy who plays him fell out with Uncle R and told him never to draw him again….. so now he puts him on everything! Moses is holding a piece of jigsaw cos they were going to do the mural like a jigsaw but changed their minds.

We also saw the old Sinclair crypt. It’s a bit creepy but pretty cool.

I slapped Abby today cos she started calling me pathetic for some reason. It made me feel better but I’m now scared she’s going to batter me back!


The vodka flowed – 10th August 2001

Friday 10th Abby and I left the lighthouse today cos we’re staying in Rhian’s room tonight. The lighthouse guy’s wife was showing some lad around this morning. He’d come all the way from New Zealand to trace the Sinclair clan (cos he is one) and he said he’d seen Sinclairs from Canada too.

It was Rhian’s boyfriend Marc’s party tonight so Rhian, Abby and I all went along. There were quite a lot of people squeezed into his bedroom at one point. I knew a few of them from previous trips to Wick but most people I’d never seen before. They were all nice enough though.

As the night progressed and the vodka flowed, it all got a bit more interesting. A lot of the lads decided it might be amusing to shave their heads and did it. A lad called “Jubb” ended up with a rather unattractive Mohican thing which was a shame cos he looked quite nice with hair.

Jubb spent a lot of time making me promise not to do anything with Duncan Morgan. Duncan was very obviously after me but he’s turned into a bit of a knob since I snogged him 2 years ago so I took Jubb’s advice and avoided him like the plague. Well, I tried anyway but he kept appearing and putting his arm round me and stuff. I kept telling him I had a boyfriend but he wouldn’t listen. Yuck!

I also had my arse grabbed by Colin Dunn a.k.a. Dunny as I was walking up the stairs but I didn’t mind that so much cos he’s far less minging than Duncan! Although he’s got a girlfriend, Kelly… who was there!

There was one lad there who I actually quite like cos he seemed fairly nice and normal and didn’t shave his head. For reasons as yet unknown to me, he’s called “Ferret”. I’ll have to find out why, along with his real name. Apparently he lives in the house where my dad’s family lived when they first moved to Wick. They left my dad where we live now though after moving down there for a couple of years from Thurso.

Later on when we went for a wander to Carter’s bar (no-one got in except me cos I had ID), I overheard some lads asking Ferret if I was the one he fancied. I never heard an answer. Damn it!

[Tess, Rhian and Abby]

A lad called Sandy gave us a lift back to Marc’s in his lovely yellow/orange Citroen Saxo. Some lad called Frodo then gave us a lift back to Rhian’s.

Overall it was a pretty good night. Jubb sent me a weird message which made no sense off Marc’s phone and when Rhian rang Marc, Duncan was asking if he could speak to me and Abby. Gimp! When he wasn’t groping me, he was asking Abby to persuade me to go with [snog] him. Yeah right!


I don’t want to be a possessive little freak – 9th August 2001

Thursday 9th Mum, Dad, Rhian, Abby, Tom, Minnie and I all tried to find the beach near the lighthouse today. We failed and ended up going to Sinclair and Girnigoe Castle instead. They’re sooo creepy! It’d be awful being stuck there on your own at night!

[That’s the castle on the left in the background.]

After that, we all went back to Auntie S’s house. We just stayed in and went on the internet and stuff. I drove to the Co-op and back though with Mum. 🙂

I’m not too happy now. I rang Jake before to discover he’s at Emma’s party. I got pissed off cos I don’t like missing out on stuff and half of the people there fancy him, including Suzanna the Slapper who was about to throw herself at him on The Run [a pub crawl] once before.

I know it’s not his fault that people fancy him but I couldn’t help getting annoyed. I can’t stand the thought of people even considering flirting with him when I’m not there cos he’s too polite to just walk away. I’m getting as bad as Abby’s boyfriend! Nooooo!!! I don’t want to be a possessive little freak!

What annoyed me more was when I rang him back to apologise and he let slip that he’d told Sarah about what I’d said to him and that I’m basically being paranoid. However, Sarah apparently told him that she knows people who fancy me. WHO?!?


She tried to wee on her biscuits – 8th August 2001

Wednesday 8th My family all went to see Mum and Dad’s friends that used to own the shop in our village. They moved up to Dunnet a few months ago.

Abby went horse riding on a horse called Richard and Dad wet fishing off the cliffs so Mum let me have a drive the car. I drove all the way to Gills to find out the ferry times to Orkney and then back again. I got followed by a police car for quite a way which was a bit worrying!

When we got back, Mollie was being really horrible to their dog, Marty, and she tried to wee on her biscuits! I also saw some buzzards.

When we went to Auntie Susan’s for tea, Rhian and Abby went out and I stayed and played on the computer with Tom. When they got back, Abby told me that Rhian said her mate, Laura Morgan, said Abby and I were miserable. Bitch! It’s probably just cos we refused to buy her fags last year!

I spoke to Jake later. He’s at his mate Hugo’s and is going rock climbing tomorrow. He also invited me to a party next week but I reckon it’s only cos I was moaning he never asked me to go out with his friends.