Comfort eating McDonald’s – 3rd July 2000

Monday 3rd If all the days up until I see Jake again are going to go as slowly as today did then I’m never going to be able to cope!

I got a text message from him thought at 11:14 am which said, “HELLO! I THINK I’VE SORTED OUT THE PROBLEM WITH MY MSGS NOW! WE’RE UP A BIG HILL AT THE MOMENT – IT’S TOO HOT! LEAVING FOR NICE TONIGHT! LOTS OF LOVE!!! xJx”.

I sent him one back saying I hoped he was having more fun than I was stuck in a Biology lesson! He said, “WELL I’M PROBABLY HAVING MORE FUN BUT I MISS YOU AND WANT TO BE WITH YOU NOW! CAN’T WAIT TIL WE GET TO HOLLAND!! LOVE YOU TOO!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx”.

I’m glad he can send messages now, although I sent him another warning him that I’ve got a sore throat (I hope he doesn’t get it while he’s away!) and telling him I was comfort eating McDonald’s cos I miss him! I didn’t get a message back so I’m assuming it’s just cos he’s got no signal or cos I didn’t ask any questions or anything. I hope he’s okay!

Mum took me to the Trafford Centre tonight and I got a new camera and a pair of Skechers trainer things.

Oh no, Freaky Time has just started playing on my tape! And that Lonestar one was playing on the radio earlier along with that Christina Aguilera one which also reminds me of Jake slightly, probably only cos it’s between the other 2 on the CD.

I miss him already! All I want is one of his really nice big hugs right now!

Bye!

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I’m beginning to get jealous of him now!  – 2nd July 2000

Sunday 2nd July He’s gone! Jake’s out of the country! 😦

I got a text message from him at 6:04 am saying, “HELLO! I’M AT THE AIRPORT NOW! THIS IS THE LAST MSG I SEND THAT I KNOW YOU WILL GET IN THE NEXT COUPLE OF MINS! SPEAK TO YOU SOON! LOVE YOU!!! xxx JAKE xxx”.

I cried quite a bit when I went to bed last night so I was okay when I got that this morning, although I’m still very sad about it. I’ll probably only start really missing him on Friday nights and when he’s not around in college.

I spoke to Hayley and Gethin earlier. I know they’re only trying to help and prove that they’re good mates but some of the stuff they come out with really bugs me! It’s all, “you know we’re there for you” and “if you ever want to talk, you know where I am” and more sickening stuff like that! It actually makes me not want to talk to them cos I’d probably end up smacking them one! Instead, I always find myself talking to Sarah more than anyone cos she doesn’t come out with crap like that.

Jake rang me this evening. He tried my mobile twice but I didn’t hear it so he phoned my house. He was at a youth hostel in Barcelona (which is hot and sunny apparently!) and he said it’s really nice there. He said that Charlie was sulking cos the others had moaned at him for making them trek round all day looking for the cheapest place to eat!

He kept groaning and saying it wasn’t fair cos we’re so far apart so I reminded him that he’s the one who went! He told me that it really hit him that he’s not going to see me for ages when he got off the plane.

Before he went, he said he loved me but I explained that I couldn’t say it back cos my mum was in the next room! It took us a few “byes” before we finally hung up!

I want him back here or, even better, to be with him on holiday! The next place they’re going is to Nice in France but they’re probably going to stay another night in Barcelona. I’m beginning to get jealous of him now!

He said he tried to send me a message but I haven’t got it yet. He said he’ll ring again within the next couple of days.

Bye!

P.S. All I can smell is Jake cos he sprayed so much stuff on my watch strap!

Stupid, soppy, American-high-school-style “group hug” – 30th June & 1st July 2000

Friday 30th to Saturday 1st Friday was really good in the end! I’ve been sort of dreading it all week cos it’s the last Friday I’ll have had with Jake for a few weeks. 🙂

During the day, Jake, Gethin and I went round to Sarah’s cos we had the day off cos of that Warrington Walking Day thing. We didn’t really do much then, as usual. We just sat about chatting and eating. Every so often, Jake or I would groan when we remembered we’re going to be split up for a while and he kept hugging me really hard or squeezing my hand really tightly.

We weren’t at Sarah’s all that long cos Jake had to go and have his hair cut so he dropped Gethin off at home so we could get our stuff to change into for the evening. It was then he told us that this’d be one of our last rides in the Beetle cos it was going to be restored and he was only going to be insured for the Polo. He won’t look right without that car! As Gethin said, it’ll make him too normal!

When we got back to Sarah’s we changed into our going out clothes and Sarah managed to persuade her mum to let the lads stay over so Jake didn’t have to drive on his last night out with us all. So, we ordered a taxi and headed for the Trafford Centre. We planned to try out all the bars there but we agreed that if we got IDed twice, we’d give up!

First we went to Tiggi’s. I was sure my mum’d said it was over 21s only but Sarah convinced us otherwise! It turned out I was right! Jake didn’t even bother trying to get served once he’d seen the sign! You see, he’d had his hair cut and it made him look even younger than usual!

Next we tried Manto’s. We didn’t really like it in there cos it was really boring looking so after the bloke told Jake we all needed ID, we didn’t even try to stay. Instead we went in Starbucks. It was the last time we’ll sit on our table on the balcony there with Jake for 3 or more weeks! While we were sat there, we all agreed to get a taxi to The Dog cos we wanted proper drinks and we know it’s nice and friendly in there!

When we arrived, that’s when we started to enjoy the night quite a bit more. Sarah and Gethin ended up snogging. My suspicions are that Gethin wouldn’t have done that had Lizzie not been going away for a few weeks to Cyprus! I won’t tell Sarah what I think this time though cos she won’t want to hear something like that!

The proper realisation that Jake and I were going to be split up set in properly while we were sat there hugging the hell out of each other! He came to the conclusion that it’s good that we’re going to miss each other so much cos it must mean we really love each other. I think he’s probably right. He also told me, “I love you sooooo much!” which was extremely nice to hear and especially cos it was accompanied by another big hug! I told him how much I’m going to miss him too which is a lot, believe me!

We decided to walk to the Chinese takeaway then cos Jake was hungry. We had to keep stopping and hugging and squeezing each other! I’d explained to him that it wasn’t so much the 3 weeks of being separated that bothered me (although it does a lot and I made sure he knows that) but the fact that it’s triggered off thoughts of how bad it’s going to be when he goes away for 3 months to Canada. This is awful now so what the hell’s it going to be like then?!

He told me that he was meeting the English people he’d be going with sometime soon I think and I must have groaned or something cos he told me that he’d be paranoid too if it was me going to Canada (I found out it’s Banff he’s going to) but he swore that nothing will happen with him and another girl cos it’s me he loves and he doesn’t want to wreck that and he couldn’t love anyone more than me anyway. He actually stopped me and was holding me by the shoulders and looking me straight in the eyes while he was saying it which made me feel like he was being dead serious! I suppose that’s good really!

We got our Chinese food and went and sat on the raised bit coming off the old railway station building by the bridge in my village to eat it. When we were done, Jake and I went and sat round the side on some steps leading up to the track. We just kissed but had to stop when the taxi came. Bad timing!

When we got back to Sarah’s, Gethin made us have a stupid, soppy, American-high-school -style “group hug” and then Jake and I had a quick kiss round the side of Sarah’s house before going in. Sarah made us go to bed so we wouldn’t wake her mum and dad up. Unfortunately, I was on the camp bed in Sarah’s room and Jake and Gethin were in the spare room. We just happened to meet on the landing at one point and had another quick kiss before going to bed.

Once I was all snuggled up in the sleeping bag I’d been given, I got a message on my phone. It was from Jake saying, “I LOVE YOU!!! : ) TONIGHT WAS GREAT! LOVE YOU SO MUCH IT HURTS! I’M GONNA MISS YOU SO MUCH I’LL SEE YOU IN EVERYONE I MEET ALONG THE WAY…” and then, “I WON’T BE ABLE TO GET YOUR FACE OUT OF MY MIND! LOVE YOU FOREVER!!! : ) xxx JAKE xxx”.

I told him that I wished Gethin and I could swap beds and told him how much I love him etc. too and told him to stop saying nice things cos I’d only end up crying, and he said, “I WISH YOU COULD TOO! DON’T CRY – ALTHOUGH I’M REALLY TOUCHED – YOU MEAN SO MUCH TO ME! GLAD IT WASN’T A CRAP NIGHT – I’M GONNA REMEMBER IT FOREVER! LOVE YOU!!! xJx”.

This morning, I woke up to hear Gethin and Jake chatting away like a pair of girls! Sarah and I went in to see them first to see if they wanted anything to drink or whatever. Sarah’s mum went out to the gym so Jake ventured into Sarah’s room and sat on the camp bed with me. Sarah and Gethin went to do some ironing (or so they said!) so we were left alone. Neither of us wanted to let go of each other so there were more tight hugs and squeezing of hands.

He kept stamping his foot or hitting the pillow with his fist and saying it wasn’t fair. He told me that he never expected the Europe trip to actually happen and that it probably wouldn’t have done had Charlie Wilson not have been organising it! He said they were only going so they can say they’ve been.

Mid hug, he said, “Ohhh, baby!” which surprised me cos it’s a very un-Jake thing to say but I didn’t mind, it just made me smile! We were just sat there looking at each other and he sort of grinned and said he was going to end up crying! Then we kissed for a bit when we knew Gethin and Sarah were definitely downstairs and at one point he was lying on top of me and just looked at me, grinned and said, “You’re gorgeous!” That pleased me!

He then just came out with that he still can’t believe we’re actually going out! He’s not the only one who feels like that sometimes! We carried on kissing then someone knocked on the door and it turned out Sarah’s mum was back from the gym so we had to stop cos Sarah and Gethin came and sat in the room with us! All Jake said was, “I don’t believe this!” cos that’s pretty much what happened at Floyd’s that time!

Anyway, we had to go home eventually cos Jake got a message saying he had to go and get some timetables. Luckily I had one nail varnish remover pad in my bag so he could take off the lilac nail varnish I’d put on him in The Dog! He left the nails of his two little fingers as a “reminder” and said he’d still have it on next time I see him. We’ll see!

He also gave me the Pluto toy out of a McDonald’s Happy Meal that had been in his car cos he’ll have the Polo from now on!

This evening, Jake’s dad dropped him off at my house for about an hour and a half so we could say goodbye properly. He sprayed my watch strap with his Ted Baker stuff and I sprayed his with my Boots Poppy body spray cos that’s the smell of each other that they first had when we swapped had worn off. All I can smell is him now every time my watch goes near my nose!

All we did was sit on my bed and kiss and cuddle for one last time. We played the songs that remind us of each other which are Freaky Time by Point Break, Amazed by Lonestar, that If Only by Hanson which cheers us up and he said that Don’t Call Me Baby by Madison Avenue reminds him of me cos I play it a lot and it’s always on when he come to my house or I send him a message!

He kept telling me to stop looking at him like I was doing with my “big, brown eyes” cos it was making him not want to go. He told me that he likes me cos I’m so happy and smiley all the time! He might change his mind about that if he could see how miserable I am now he’s gone!

We’d been dreading his dad arriving to pick him up but eventually he did. Jake and I stood in the middle of my room and hugged and kissed quickly. He then held my head and told me he loves me and that I make him so happy and that I’m the best thing that ever happened to him! I nearly cried by just about managed to control myself!

I went downstairs with him to find my dad and his dad talking about a painting of the Albert Hall on our wall.

CYMERA_20180416_200900.jpg

[Still there.]

The last I saw of Jake was him walking out of my front door, waving and saying, “Bye!” in his bright orange Holland footy shirt, jeans and wide Pod shows with his hair all spiky. I’m not going to be able to forget that image of him!

Bye!

[Judging by the level of detail in the diary entry, I was pretty damn sure Jake would manage to die whilst on holiday and I was never, ever going to see him again.]

We had a bit of a pine cone war – 29th June 2000

Thursday 29th It was the last day of the field trip today and it wasn’t too bad either cos it wasn’t as hot cos we were in amongst the trees. We had a bit of a pine cone war and we managed to get photographic evidence of Mrs C following dogs! I took Jake back a stick and a smaller pine cone today cos I couldn’t find anything else!

He was there when we got back to college cos he had an exam this morning and then had to see Mr H about his year’s leaving do cos he’s organising it even though he’ll be on his cruise when it happens. He told me that Mr H had said something about me being sensible and intelligent or something!

We sat in the common room, kissing, cuddling and whining for a while until he had to go and pick his brother up to take him to the Year 11 prom.

I’ve had quite a few message from him tonight. I told him that I don’t care what we end up doing tomorrow night as long as I get to see him. He said, “YEH YOU’RE RIGHT! I’M GONNA ENJOY MYSELF – I WANT TO LEAVE YOU AS HAPPY AS POSSIBLE! NOT GOING STRAIGHT HOME – ONE OF THE DARK LANES MIGHT HAVE TO BE USED! LOVE xJx”.

That message sort of pleased me really but then I remembered that we wouldn’t be able to do much cos I’m on my period (I have been constantly but lightly since I started taking that Dianette) which is a bit disappointing really.

I then said that I thought he was against dark lanes but said I won’t stay over at Sarah’s anyway (she’s asked if I want to). He said, “OK – AS LONG AS YOU DON’T STAY AT HERS! SHE’D ONLY HAVE TO PRISE US APART! I’M GOING TO SEE YOU ON SATURDAY AREN’T I?? LOVE YOU WAY TOO MUCH – CAN’T BE HEALTHY! OHHHH : ( xJx”.

I then said that I knew he doesn’t really want to do anything down dark lanes and his response was, “NOT REALLY – BUT ONLY COS I’M SCARED OF THE DARK! : ) NO I’’D WANT TO STAY WITH YOU ALL NIGHT (EVEN MORE THAN NORMALLY)! WANT TO BE WITH YOU FOREVER! Xxx”.

I then pointed out that other people think we’ll be together for a good while and all and Jake told me, “YEH I KNOW! GETHIN SAYS IT’S COS WE DON’T LET ANYONE ELSE CONTROL US AND KEEP OURSELVES TO OURSELVES! WISE WORDS, HEY?! EVEN THOUGH I’M GOING TO CANADA…” then, “… WE’RE BOTH HAPPY IN THE LONG TERM AREN’T WE?! GETHIN SAID HE WANTS TO BE MY BEST MAN – I SAID THAT’S FINE BUT WE’RE NOT CALLING A KID GETHIN! LOTS OF LOVE! xJx”.

Bye!

I gave him his pine cone – 28th June 2000

Wednesday 28th I brought Jake a shell back from the Biology trip on Monday (like I brought him a pine cone today!) and I’ve just had a message from him saying that he fell asleep holding the shell I gave him last night!

The trip today was worse! We were quadratting in amongst these thistles and stuff and it was really humid. I saw lots of leeches and a newt though! Rachael Hollins and I did most of the work for our group cos Hayley and Sarah seem to be scared of everything!

Mrs C was running halfway across the beach and stuff on Monday just to have a look at dogs but she didn’t do it as much today! Even Mr S was taking the piss!

I saw Jake at college when I got back. We stayed for ages and I gave him his pine cone and he told me how much he’s going to miss me and stuff! Then I noticed that the gates at the end of the drive had been locked and so the Beetle was locked in! We then had to go and find the caretaker to open it but he wasn’t very impressed and told Jake he should park it in the main car park instead!

Kickboxing grading was tonight and it was quite difficult. It was too hot and I was already knackered but I passed! I’m an orange belt now!

Bye!

I deserve better than the back of a car! – 27th June 2000

Tuesday 27th I saw quite a bit of Jake today cos he had an exam this afternoon so he came in this morning to “revise”! I waited after college for his exam to end so I saw him then and all.

I’ve gained another photo of me and Jake from Hayley. →

Tess & Jake

She took it when we were in The Dog on Sarah’s birthday and she thought it was quite good so she said I could have it. Jake wants a copy to take round Europe with him cos he says I’m nearly doing the face he likes me doing or something!

Hayley persuaded Jake and me to go to the Sports Club tonight with her, Georgia and Gethin so she could stalk her cricketer. He was there and said hi but he didn’t stop long. Hayley then asked Jake if he’d drive her up to see the cricketer’s house and he agreed but he couldn’t start the car because someone had done something to the spark plugs or whatever! We got going eventually and Jake was just about to miss Mowley Common Lane when Hayley pointed it out. We then skidded round the corner, leaving tyre marks on the road and an old man looking very shocked!

We drove to the chippy then and some rather large girl ran across the park. Hayley and Georgia were laughing very loudly and then Hayley said something like she should buy a bra! The car window was open and she must have heard that cos she have us the filthiest look!!

Then we went and sat on the park (but only after the girl had gone cos we were scared!) with the chips. We were joined by Charlie Wilson cos the Venture Scouts were at The Beech Tree pub. He started talking about their Europe trip so I stopped listening!

Jake’s sorted it out now so that he should be getting out Swing Band bus back to England with us after the Holland trip.

I had a couple of nice messages off him when I got home saying, “TONIGHT JUST SEEMED STRANGE – THE FACT THAT I’M GOING ACTUALLY HIT ME! I CAN’T EXPLAIN HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU AND HOW MUCH I’M GONNA MISS U! HOPE YOU KNOW THAT!…” and then, “TONIGHT WAS GOOD COS I SAW YOU – BUT THE FEELING INSIDE WHEN YOU CLOSE THAT DOOR AND I DRIVE OFF JUST CUTS ME UP! YEH I CAN C U AFTER COLLEGE ONE DAY! LOVE YOU! xJx”.

I then said how I’d end up staying in his car all night if I stayed with him longer and then I jokingly pointed out that he doesn’t do cars! He then told me that I deserve better than the back of a car!

Bye!

I’m the best mate a lad could have!  – 26th June 2000

Monday 26th We had the first day of the Biology field trip today on the Ainsdale sand dunes. It was quite good cos all we had to do was quadratting and stuff but I’ve come home very sunburnt!

Ainsdale - star wars

I’ve been told that there’s no school on Friday cos of Warrington Walking Day (I’ve never known what that is!) so I told Jake and he asked me to go to Alton Towers with him and loads of his mates. I don’t really know if I want to cos I felt like a right loner at Alex’s party and I don’t want it to be like that again. Although he’s going away on Sunday and I want to see as much of him as possible.

When I got back, Jake texted me to see if I wanted a lift home but my mum had just arrived. I also asked if he’d had a message from Gethin cos I had, saying that I’m the best mate a lad could have! Jake said, “DAMN… NEARLY! YEH JUST GOT ONE OFF GETH – SAID HE’LL RING ME LATER?? DON’T KNOW WHAT ABOUT! URRRGH… LOVE YOU SOOOO MUCH! : ) xxxJxxx”.

I only wanted to write that one down cos of the last bit! I don’t think it was meant to sound disgusted, I think it was more of a frustrated thing!

Bye!