I think he was being deliberately cheesy – 30th & 31st July 2000

Sunday 30th I’ve caught up on a bit of sleep now so Jake and I went to the Trafford Centre together. Both my mum and dad (who’ve decided Jake’s got a look of Tim Henman about him!) dropped us off on the way to Grandma S’s. They couldn’t help but embarrass me by telling him things such as my not being able to sleep at a Youth Hostel in Stirling cos of a graveyard outside! I was glad to get out of the car!

We just wandered round the shops all day, stopping off in Starbucks for a drink, of course! When we were eating out McDonald’s for lunch, there were some people from Key 103 there going round with a microphone so we legged it!

I bought some nail varnish from Boots called Fallen Angel and Jake saw the name and said something like, “Cos that’s what you are, aren’t you?!” I couldn’t help but laugh but I don’t think it was a serious comment. I think he was being deliberately cheesy!

He also persuaded me to get a Miffy pencil case from Selfridges and some Milk lip balm from Boots cos he liked the taste. I got The Corrs new album which he said he wants to borrow and Moloko’s new single, Pure Pleasure Seeker, which triggered him saying if he played an instrument it’d either be the saxophone or drums.

All he got was more pairs of Tommy Hilfiger boxers, minidisc things, and the Toploader and Coldplay albums I think they were. He looked at the hideous orange Quiksilver shirt in River Island but decided against buying it. I think he would’ve done if I hadn’t have been there!

[I hate, hate, HATE this bloody Toploader song but I will suffer it being on here and stuck in my head for the next 3 weeks because feel I need to show you the sort of shite on our MiniDisc players at the time…]

After we got bored of wandering round, we went to the cinema, got 2 tubs of Phish Food ice cream and went to watch Chicken Run. It was such a good film! I expected it to be good but it was better than that! Jake enjoyed it too.

We ended up getting a taxi back to my house and Jake ended up staying until 1:00 am! We just stayed in my room playing my new CDs. He decided he liked my bed cos it’s comfy and said he didn’t want to go home and leave me. I spent quite a while tickling him and messing with his hair and then I switched my light out to show him the glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling (that really was the reason!) and it ended up staying off cos he said he really liked them.

We just kissed and cuddled for a bit and then 2 and 3. He tried to undo my pants but I’m still on my period a bit so I stopped him. I told him he didn’t have time before the taxi came. I didn’t want him to leave and he didn’t want to but I think my parents would’ve been a bit shocked if he was still here in the morning!


Monday 31st I didn’t see Jake today so we planned to cycle to Sarah’s over the fields tomorrow. One message I got had a nice ending. It said, “HI! : ) YOU OK? WHAT ARE YOU UP TO? HOPE IT’S NOT RAINING TOMORROW – WE MIGHT SINK IN THE PEAT! COULDN’T SLEEP LAST NIGHT! NEED TO BE WITH YOU ALL THE TIME! LOVE xJx”.

That was just about the highlight of my day!


Lots of really long snogs – 12th May 2000


I told him it was okay and that I didn’t mind (cos yet again he made me feel guilty!) and then he said, “THANKS FOR UNDERSTANDING! : ) NEXT WEEK WILL BE MUCH BETTER – I WON’T BE GOING TO ANY CLASSES AND I’LL BE DRUNK! YOU’LL HAVE TO COME ON FRI LUNCH! LOTS OF LOVE xJx”.

I then sent one saying I couldn’t complain cos I’m usually with my mates and that they seem to spend more time with him than I do. (They do! Even Cat said so!) Then today he asked me if I’d got it the wrong way round and if I’d meant I see him more than them cos, otherwise, it seemed really nasty! I lied and said I must’ve got it mixed up cos I was tired!

I don’t know if he was feeling guilty or if he was drunk or what but, at lunch, Jake was all over me, snuggling up to me (not normal!) and stuff! It was really nice actually and I got lots of really long snogs off him after college but that was probably to make up for not seeing me tonight. He said it’d be horrible without me.

He got a puncture on his car so I sent him a message asking if he’d got hime and he said, “YEH JUST GOT IT FIXED! THAT MECHANIC MUST HAVE BEEN ON STEROIDS OR SOMETHING! I WISH I COULD BE WITH YOU TOO! IT FEELS WRONG GOING WITHOUT YOU! : ) LOVE xJx”.

Well, this evening, Sarah and Floyd came round cos we’ve got no money to go out with. We’ve been laughing at this! →

A day in the life of JT

It’s a photocopy of something Andrew Bailey wrote about Jake cos apparently that group of friends were all writing stories about each other. The story is that he wrote it and someone left a copy in a science book which they handed in. Mr K’s daughter found it and read it so he was fuming and told Mr H. He then lined everyone up in his office and bollocked them all!!

Cat gave me a copy. She’d heard about it off Jenny and had asked Jake if she could see so he brought it in to show her but said not to tell anyone. That means I’ve got to keep it quiet. That’s so hard!!

Jake’s now in town. He phoned before but only cos I ‘accidentally’ rang him and hung up! He got dragged away by his mates though and I’ve had no message for ages even though he said he’d send me some. Not happy!


P.S. I read some of Jake’s leaving book and Amanda Bryan’s entry said we make a lovely couple and she hopes we last. That was nice!

More songs remind me of Jake now. It’s usually just cos I’ve had nice messages or been with him while they’ve been playing a lot. They are the following songs that remind me of him and that I’m not going to be able to listen to when he goes away or whatever:

[Jesus F. Christ, I’m so embarrassed by this list.]

1. Hanson – If Only

2. Christina Aguilera – I Turn To You

3. Point Break – Freaky Time

4. Moloko – The Time Is Now

5. Lonestar – Amazed

[In return, 2018 Jake has informed me that this reminded him if me…]

Jake just went extremely red and so did I! – 15th February 2000

Tuesday 15th I didn’t actually see much of Jake today. I didn’t see him at all 1st thing and I only saw him at break briefly but he was talking to Ken Dronfield. I didn’t even get a kiss goodbye at the end of break like I normally do.

He came up towards the end of lunch and we were looking at Hugo’s website of his cruise ship holiday which contained photos of him and some of his mates. His site address is www.*****.demon.co.uk and his e-mail address is hugo@*****.demon.co.uk and his mobile number is 07803 ******.

Jake also showed me his Young Enterprise company’s website from when he did it last year. Their company was called Curiosity and they made stress balls and stuff. There’s a few photos on it too, some including him. They’re not as nice as he is in real life though.

Gethin totally embarrassed me and Jake today. Inside my pencil case, there are little cartoons printed on the tin. Hayley pointed to the pregnant one and said, “That could be me after I see Andy!” and I said loudly, “What, you’re pregnant?!” but Gethin decided I was pregnant and was running round shouting it and asking Jake daft questions. Ha ha very funny, Gethin!! Prick!

At one point I went off for a few minutes to speak to Hayley and when I came back I asked what I’d missed and Gethin said, “Why? Have you been giving Jake a blow job?!” Then he started saying to Jake, “That’s what you want though, isn’t it?! Tess to wrap her lips round your…” And so he went on in way too much detail! Jake just went extremely red and so did I!

I saw Jake at last break. I got a kiss of him at the end of lunch and break so I was a bit happier.


And then, “I JUST HAD A NORMAL CHAT WITH JAKE BUT I KNOW HE REALLY LIKES U A LOT!” I want to know what Jake says, as in his exact words, but I don’t like to ask.


He kind of bit my ear – 14th August 1999

[I’ve found this one a struggle to type up. I thought my cringe threshold had vastly risen over the last couple of years but this one makes me want to hide. So I did. In my jumper. It took ages to type up because of all the hiding.

I’ve built it up too much now. You probably won’t even flinch but you weren’t the ones having to relive getting bitten on the ear.]

Saturday 14th I went down the town this afternoon to meet Kate and Laura (Duncan’s sister) because she got back from Florida a day ago. I was walking towards the bridge and Abby said she could see Duncan but I thought she was winding me up. She wasn’t. He was taking Amelia and his youngest sister Carrie shopping I think so he didn’t stay with us.

We wandered around and pretended to watch the majorettes when really we were watching Greg Thompson, Dan T, Ashley, Dan S and all the rest of them. One had shouted Rhian’s name and something else afterwards which she couldn’t make out.

We also saw Dunny briefly and he spotted me and said, “There’s Chips’s bird!” Apparently ‘Chips’ is what they call Duncan but I don’t know why.

The evening was the best. We did end up going to the party for Duncan’s dad’s 40th birthday and it turned out to be such a good night. From the very start I had all the girls on at me to talk to Duncan – Amelia and Carrie being the worst! They kept telling me that Duncan wanted to speak to me so I went out of Laura’s room and got dragged up the corridor to where Duncan was stood in the dark corridor. I asked him if he wanted a word and he said that they’d told him that I wanted to speak to him. I said I didn’t and went back into Laura’s room with the others.

Around 9:00 pm they started telling me that he really did want to speak to me now. I’d had a bit more to drink so I just went to where he was stood in the dark corridor. [It seems he was a bit of a lurker.] I think he’d had quite a bit to drink already too.

It was true, he really did want to speak. He said, “Do you like me?” I told him I did and he said, “Will you go out with me?” I kind of mumbled a load of stuff about going home on Monday and what if there were people between now and Christmas but he said he didn’t care. I ended up saying “okay” to his question and we stood there talking for ages.

He admitted he’d never done this before but I told him it didn’t bother me. We started talking about school, parties, alcohol, how annoying and embarrassing certain members of our family are and loads of other stuff. I think he said his birthday was on the 25th July. There was always somebody walking past to the toilet or trying to listen in to our conversation.

Kate, Laura, Abby and Rhian all decided to go for a walk to do a bit of lad spotting so Duncan and I went along. They ended up grabbing our arms and making us hold hands. Neither of us were complaining so we stayed like that. His hands were sweating a bit and he kept apologising for that. I didn’t really care.

We just followed the girls down and he wasn’t being quiet like I thought he would be which was good really. We waited for them on the bridge for a bit and he put his arm around me. He did keep cuddling me all night which I thought was really sweet.

On the way back, the others went up the road as we crossed the roundabout but Duncan took me down by Mackays Hotel. We went past it and saw a load of men staggering towards us so Duncan took me up this passage through the trees. He stopped about half way up and leaned back against the wall. This dragged me over so I was leaning on his chest because my balance had gone.

We just hugged for a while and he kind of bit my ear I think [?!!] and a few second later we were kissing. Tongues and all. He wasn’t very good actually but I’ll forgive him because he’s never done it before! [Whereas I’d done it once which made me a snogging pro.] We talked a bit, snogged again and then made our way back to his house.

We’d just got through the passage into the garden when Kate and Abby came running out and told us to go back down the street with them. We went and he guided me through the passage because it was dark and full of plants. When we got back down the town we stopped and cuddled on the steps of Boots while the others were talking to some lads. Duncan told me my hair smelled nice. He smelled nice again but I don’t know what of.

On the way back again we saw Dunny. He was asking me who I was and then went and talked to the others. He offered Duncan a fag before we began walking and Duncan took it off him. Earlier on, Duncan told me be drank but he didn’t smoke but then he admitted to me that he did smoke sometimes but he wouldn’t smoke the fag he’d just got because I was there and he didn’t want to pollute my lungs.

When we got back to the house, he kept offering to get me drinks. I got his address and mobile number and he said I could keep the pen. I didn’t. We both really like that ‘Better Off Alone’ tune and I was saying how good it was and he offered me his CD which he’d just bought. I refused because I’d feel guilty if I took it. That was so sweet of him though. Kate told me the other day that he was really generous when he was little. It seems to me like he still is.) That tune’s going to remind me of him now every time I hear it.

We decided to go out for a walk on our own again. He took me back up the passage by Mackays and we snogged again there. He kept saying he was really going to miss me. He offered to walk me home but I refused because we’d have longer together if we waited for a taxi. The taxi was more of a minibus because it was talking Kate, Amelia etc. home too. Duncan is staying at theirs until Monday because all his stuff’s there so he came too.

We sat together pretty silently but holding hands. As we neared Rhian’s road, he started squeezing me hand tighter and tighter before I had to get out. I said bye to Kate and Amelia and gave Duncan a quick kiss on the lips before I got out. I didn’t look as I went to the door. Maybe he was upset because I was a bit.

At one point on our last walk we were both really cold but, even though his teeth were chattering, he still offered me his fleece. He’s so lovely. I didn’t take it because I didn’t want him to freeze.

We thought we saw the girls who threatened us the other night. It wasn’t but I didn’t want to walk down there because I like my face the way it is. He said he liked my face the way it is too! He also asked me when I’d changed into my trousers and said I should have left my skirt on. I came in one but everyone else was dressed down so I changed into the trousers I’d brought for going down the town in.

He kept telling me how nice I was, personality-wise I think he was meaning so I appreciated that. He’s really nice too. He told me he loves my accent as well. I really like his Scottish accent so we’re both happy with that one!

[Here we are, the happy/totally awkward couple.]

[Here we are, the happy/totally awkward couple.]

He kept saying how I should stay and move in with him or something because he really doesn’t want me to go home. We started talking about marriage [Jesus Christ!] but said only maybe in the future. We said it’d be weird because the others would all be related in some way.

We only told the others we were actually going out with each other just before we left because we thought it was funny when they kept telling is to ask each other out when we were already together. We were just winding them up and pretending to go all shy with each other.

When I got home, I was told by Abby that she’d spoken to Ashley and said she loved his trainers because they were so white or something. Rhian was miserable because she found out that Greg’s got a girlfriend. Ashley apparently said Abby was lovely but he was still getting over his last girlfriend but she was still pleased.

That’s another thing Duncan kept saying, that he couldn’t believe all this, me saying “yes” to him and all. I’m really going to miss him now.


I really ♥ Duncan!

Lindsey Bullshit – 12th & 13th April 1999

Monday 12th School wasn’t too bad actually. It sounds like Hayley and I did more than the rest of them in the hols. Mega Bitch (Lindsey) got a letter home from school at the start saying they were concerned about her coursework or summit. Well, I’m more concerned about that huge, gaping hole in the middle of her face. That could get dangerous if someone wasn’t looking where they were going!

Sorry, maybe that makes me as bad as her. I bloody well hope not!

I tried hard to keep a straight face but failed in P.E. when Johnny Doherty and Tunde were talking about the Grand National. They were saying that if they were entering a horse they’d call it “Lindsey Bullman”. Then Tunde said, “You mean Lindsey Bullshit!” I tried very hard not to snigger coz I had Rachael next to me.

Rachael was actually being really nice to me, chatting away about her hols.

I’ve just been watching Great Expectations on TV. Hayley things I’m sad but I love stuff like that, especially when the cast included Ioan Gruffudd. He’s so lovely! The worrying thing is though that my mum agrees!

[Via IMDB]


Tuesday 13th  I might be going bowling a week on Friday with Hayley, Bella, Chloe Gomez and Rochelle Jennings and anyone else who wants to come. Cameron Anderson might come too with some mates.

I was telling Bella in Art about Freda going out with this 22 year old who works at Gulliver’s World. They’re going to LA Bowl this Friday and we were going to go to have a look until she remembered she was already going somewhere. Then at lunch, Bella suggested that we should all go anyway another time. Even if it doesn’t happen, it’s pleasing to have someone ask me somewhere seeing as The Bitches are planning a trip to McCauley’s and Mr Smith’s in Warrington.

I had Swing Band after school and Paul N was hanging around playing a guitar coz he’s in some rock concert at school which Charlie Wilson was trying to get me to go to. I have to say, Paul’s got a nice tan!

Emma was asking him if he still likes me. He does.

Adam phoned tonight. I’d been talking to him on the net and he said he would. When he rang we just talked about school, GCSEs, A-Levels, holidays, letter writing, photographs and loads more boring stuff like that. There weren’t any awkward silences though. Even if it was boring conversational topics, I really enjoyed talking to him again.


Even if they are freaks, some lads actually like me – 15th December 1998

Tuesday 15th I’m really worried. I’ve got spots all over my chest and back and I’m getting an increasing amount on my face. It probably sounds really pathetic but to me it’s awful. I can’t stop crying. I came off the Minocycline tablets about a month or two ago and already I’m sure my skin’s going back to how it was before I was given the tablets.

My mum keeps telling me not to be so negative but it’s a bit hard not to be when I know that last time I just had a few spots it turned into full-blown acne. I’m sure not many people really understand or care considering it’s not known as a terminal disease or anything but all I know is that it made my life hell.

I don’t think I could cope if it happened again now. I keep thinking back to how it was and I keep remembering things that people said and did. I always used to worry about it being windy too because my fringe would blow back and everyone stared at my face.

Most people just felt sorry for me and even Emma attempted to help by telling me I should grow my fringe out and stuff like that as if she was the expert. I had Johnny Doherty asking me to lift up my fringe for a minute and Amber Watson trying to be nice by saying, “Ignore him, it just shows you’re more mature than he is” whilst staring at my skin. I could’ve hit them all.

Then there was the embarrassment of having to sit in a classroom while a teacher talked to the class about hygiene and she said that most spots are caused by hormones but not washing properly and eating the wrong foods didn’t help either. When she said those last 2, I didn’t look up but I know people were glancing in my direction.

Then there was Lindsey Bullman and Karen Brent who bullied me and used my acne as summit to get at me for by saying things like (very loudly), “Tess, you can buy cream for acne, you know.” Basically, it was bad. I’m so worried it’s going to be like that again.

Lindsey & Karen

[I got my secret revenge by drawing them like this in my diary. HA! Cowbags.]

I know what people say behind your back too coz, since I’ve had clear skin coz of medication, Emma has commented on other people. For example, Ste Rollinson. She keeps telling me how gorgeous he used to be but recently he’s gone really minging because his face has “erupted” in loads of acne. I don’t speak usually but when I do comment about it not being his fault she just says “of course it is because he must just eat too much chocolate”. At that point I’m struggling to control my fists and go quiet so she must remember or summit coz the subject gets changed.

The thing is, she’s like my best mate and I just can’t tell her. She saw the tablets (when I had them) and asked what they were for. I didn’t even tell her then. I made up that they were for an ear infection or summit like that.

It’s just embarrassing mentioning the word acne to people, even my family and friends coz people automatically think of greasy, junk-food-eating teenagers. Unfair. It’s not my fault, I can’t help it. Also, when Emma says about Ste Rollinson etc., I always wonder if that’s what people’d say about me.

Even if they are freaks, some lads actually like me but I bet they wouldn’t if my skin went bad again. I don’t really want to go back on the tablets even though I could coz they can’t be doing the rest of my body any good, can they? But then if I don’t, who knows, I’ll probably end up getting spots again and it’ll be back to how it was.

First impressions and looks do count. I can see me going out with my friends. They’ll all get lads and no-one’ll look twice at me unless it’s to stare at my skin. But I could be on those tablets forever. Why can’t my acne just go away and stay away naturally and now?

You see, I even had 2nd thoughts about writing all that coz it’d embarrassing to me really, although it shouldn’t have to be.


We’re either going to do B*witched, Steps or All Saints – 2nd & 3rd December 1998

Wednesday 2nd My friends and I all decided to go and see this concert that was being put on at lunch to raise money for the Senior Citizens Party. Ed organised it mostly but it had quite a few people I know in it. People like Ewan. He was playing the guitar for Jill Baines and Sally Reed who were singing.

Me, Emma, Olivia and Lena have now decided that if another one like that is put on, we’re either going to do B*witched, Steps or All Saints. Ha! Yeah right, we’d all chicken out!

[I liked All Saints because Emma once told me that I looked like Nicole Appleton. I wished! I did not look like Nicole Appleton.]

My whole year’s got a 2nd set of GCSE Science module tests to do tomorrow. I think I’m going to do really badly to tell you the truth.

I’m really in need of summit good or fun to happen. I need summit I can discuss with people for ages afterwards, you know? I’m bored of everything being the same or going wrong. I think the last really good thing was Austria back in February. We still talk about that now.


Thursday 3rd I don’t think my Science module exams went very well. I’m worried now. Really worried. We won’t know how well we did for ages though now.

I was in C Block at lunch with Rach and Emma when Ewan and his mates came in. Ewan stopped with us and just leaned against the wall. We were all involved in one conversation about Emma dumping Davis Nolan last night over the phone but we didn’t really speak to each other.

I think he came over to give me the chance to speak to him but I didn’t really. Yet another wasted chance. It was like he was waiting for me to speak to him and I was waiting for him to speak to me and because neither of us did, we didn’t really talk to each other at all.

I don’t really know why he can’t just talk to me really. I s’pose it’s me that likes him and not the other way round so he doesn’t really care whether I talk to him or not.

While I was stood there, Adrian Ford walked behind me and tapped me on the shoulder, grinned, raised his eyebrows and nodded his head towards Ewan then walked off. What does he know? Has Ewan said summit to him about me liking him? I think he must have done.

Oh yeah, Adrian’s single again now coz he and Gemma Crowther had a mutual split according to him.

Oh yeah, and another thing Emma told me this morning was that in her Art lesson yesterday, Ewan told her that I hadn’t approached him yet and she asked him, “What d’you think she’s s’posed to do? Just walk up to you and start talking?” He sort of shrugged, I think.

I went to see Showtime at school this evening. It was pretty crap really.


I don’t want to sound big-headed or anything – 27th & 29th November 1998

Friday 27th [This coming sentence will require a deep breath if it’s ever said out loud…] Hayley told me that Ewan Swann had told Rick Swann and he’d told his girlfriend who told Hayley that Ewan said he was really interested in me but he wished I’d talk to him. I’m not sure when he said that but if he did it’s good!

Freda Fernandez embarrassed me so much after school. I had orchestra and Ewan was hanging round too and when he was stood by us she shouted, “Ewan, will you go out with Tess?” I’m so glad I don’t go red very easily when I get embarrassed coz I would’ve done then. I can’t remember what I did but Emma said he smiled and walked off.

She also pointed out that he didn’t say no. When someone’s messing about like Freda was and you don’t like then person they’re asking  you out for, you tend to actually say, “No!!!” or you tell them where to go.

The other thing was that that my mum’s been asking Mrs C (a dead nice French teacher who she knows and lives near us) about extra French lessons for me coz I’m panicking about my exam. Mum then told me that she also already tutors Isaac M and Ewan Swann. When she told me that I went, “Ewan Swann?!” so at tea she must have remembered my reaction and asked me who he was. I mean, out of all the people in the whole year, it would be Ewan wouldn’t it!

That tall boy, Adam, was in the Sports Club tonight with Murray but he didn’t come until near the end. I was there for about half an hour of the time he was and not a lot happened. He saw me and smiled when he first came in and then he went in the table tennis room with Murray but he kept looking round the door for me. When he saw me he smiled and went away.

When I went to the toilet, Hayley and Lindsey said he came to the door, put his hand on the handle, looked around, saw me walking off and went back in the room he’d come from. That was it really. I don’t want to sound big-headed or anything but I think he might actually really like me.

So, now, the people who have fancied me (that I know of recently) have been pretty mingin’. Okay, well Adam’s okay but Ralph Christopherson and Andrew Bailey aren’t really. Why can’t someone really nice (like Ferny or Ewan) actually fancy me? Hey?!

Right, well, the rest of the weekend’s gonna be pretty boring I think. So…


Sunday 29th

[I didn't hate the Spice Girls. I was probably just trying to salvage my last remaining cell of cool after having purchased the B*witched album.]

[I didn’t hate the Spice Girls. I was probably just trying to salvage my last remaining cells of cool after having made purchases such as the B*witched album.]

I went to the Trafford Centre today with Mum, Charlotte and Emma to get a bit of Xmas shopping done and we all saw Posh Spice (Victoria Adams) in Topshop. She was with her mum, sister and some bloke. It’s just a shame she didn’t have David Beckham with her!

I managed to buy Xmas presents for all my mates. I just got them all a £2 bottle of nail varnish each from Claire’s Accessories. I’m going to have to get summit for Emma another time coz she was with me.

For myself I bought the B*witched album and a nightie-style dress from Select which I will probably wear for the Xmas thing at the garden centre. Ewan had better go now!

[Via Wikipedia]

[Via Wikipedia]


I got to hear all about his boxers being too tight – 26th November 1998

Thursday 26th Roxanna (who’s my sister’s mate in Year 10 and who is also going out with Ewan’s mate Harry Preston) has told me that on Saturday night she’s got the house to herself and Harry’s going round so she said that I should go and she’ll get Harry to bring Ewan. She also said that if I don’t go then she’ll call round to my house with them. She’d better not!

I’m actually half tempted to go coz I don’t get all that many opportunities with Ewan but then I remember that it has the potential to be an extremely awkward situation. Seeing as Harry and Roxanna are a couple and she seems keen on doing a bit of matchmaking, it’s is likely we could be left alone together. The other thing is explaining why I am going to Roxanna’s house without Abby on a Saturday night.

It all seems like too much trouble but I can’t help thinking that maybe it’d all be worth it. After all, I’m not going to get many other chances coz it’s not guaranteed Ewan’s even going to the garden centre Xmas thing. Mind you, it’d not guaranteed he’d go to Roxanna’s either. I’ll see what happens tomorrow.

Rick keeps smiling at me and stuff every time he sees me. Usually it’s just a nice smile but sometimes I get that knowing grin from him!

Jez Greenhalgh keeps smiling at me too. He also keeps coming over to me in P.E. when he’s injured or summit. Like yesterday, I got to hear all about his boxers being too tight and sticking up his arse. Yes, Jez, I really do want to know these things. NOT!!!

Aah, I still can’t help liking William Fernley or Ferny as he is more commonly known. I’ve liked him for ages and I was just thinking I was starting to go off him coz of Ewan but every time I see him I can’t stop smiling to myself coz he’s so nice. He’s quite tall and a bit lanky with dark hair all over to one side with sideys and a six-pack. He’s lovely and he’s staying at 6th Form as far as I know. Yes! I don’t know if Ewan’s staying on or not. I hope so.

I’m probably going to the Sports Club tomorrow night and that Adam guy’ll probably be in there. I think Hayley and Lindsey might just stir things a bit so I’m not actually sure if I want to risk going! [My diary would have been a hell of a lot more interesting had I been even slightly less risk averse.]


Confidence boosting for me but agonising for them – 5th November 1998

Thursday 5th It’s Bonfire Night and a week until my 16th birthday which I’m dreading coz Hayley’s going to embarrass me and no doubt Emma will too.

I just thought I’d actually got through a day this week without any Ewan embarrassments today. That is until last break. Rach was on prefect duty in C Block with Harry Preston and I’d told her I’d go and stand with her. But I didn’t realise until I got in there that Ewan was with Harry P, did I?!

I couldn’t exactly run out again so I talked to Rach and Emma. Then Emma decided to call over Ewan and start talking to him about the Xmas party. I thought that she was going to tell him he had to come coz I was going but she didn’t. He was stood there grinning and so was I.

I made eye contact with him at registration for ages. He was sat in his form room eating and I was coming up the stairs. I looked and he looked for ages it seemed until I was in my form room (next to his).

Ferny’s starting at the 6th Form college probably. I thought he’d be joining the RAF straight away so I was prepared to force myself not to like him towards the end of the year coz I thought I’d never see him again. Now there’s no need. Maybe he’ll actually start to like girls by then too. I wonder what Ewan’s doing. I’ll have to find that one out.

I was on the phone to Emma before. She’s got Davis, Charlie Wilson and Jake Taylor all at her house for some neighbour’s bonfire and, as soon as she realised it was me, she said they’d all just been talking about me.

She said that they were talking about Austria and that Jake said that his mate Andrew Bailey (a saddo who was in my ski group) fancied me on that holiday and that he was dead disappointed when he didn’t get to go with [snog] me at the disco. Well, if it’s true, I never realised. If someone had said something I could have had some fun and led him on but not actually done anything. Sort of like a Ralph type thing where it’s confidence boosting for me but agonising for them. Mean, I know! [Very mean but, however much I tried to deny it, I know I lurved Ralph because it’s all written down and I failed to destroy the evidence.]