Talking and snogging a lot! – 12th & 13th November 1999

Friday 12th & Saturday 13th I got to school on Friday morning and got given a pile of cards and a couple of presents. Julian got me a Mars bar because that’s what I’ve been telling everyone I’m getting them for Xmas!

Everyone in school knew it was my birthday because there was “Happy 17th Tess” pinned up in the toilet window. I didn’t really mind though. Nobody did anything horrible to me either which was good.

The party last night was brilliant! I went round to Sarah’s house with Lizzie to get changed and so we could arrive together. When we did get to Freda’s, I got more presents and cards and people kept telling me how nice I looked. (I dressed up a bit and was wearing my hair down.) Gethin came into the hall, saw me and Lizzie and said, “You two scrub up well. You both look really pretty.” That put me in a good mood.

Quite a lot of people had turned up by 9:00 pm and I was getting more compliments. Suzanna said my hair looked really nice, Emma kept saying I looked really pretty and Ewan Swann agreed. It was great!

Freddie Bevan turned up at one point. It was so nice to see him because I used to be really good mates with him when he was going out with Emma but then he didn’t come to our college so I’ve not seen him for ages.

Brett eventually arrived with Reevesy, Leon and another lad called Ste who Hayley took a liking to. I got cards of Brett and Leon and then they went and sat on the wall in the garden. I eventually went and joined them with Hayley because Lizzie and Zoe were out there too. Hayley went and sat with Ste (who by now knew she was interested) so I sat on the wall next to Leon.

I was just talking to Brett and Lizzie mostly. They knew I thought Leon was alright but because I was a bit drunk, I didn’t care. Leon and I ended up sitting really close together and holding hands. I realised it was going the same way as it had with Aled and Nathan so I was half expecting that I’d end up meeting [snogging] him. I did soon after. We were sat outside on the wall for ages after everyone had gone inside, just talking and snogging a lot!

We went inside too when Leon needed the toilet so I had to show him where it was. We went in the living room after that with Brett + Lizzie, Zoe + Reevesy and Hayley + Ste (who’d also met [snogged] each other but this time). We just sat on the sofa until 2:30 am, continuing what we’d been doing outside.

Zoe and Hayley had gone home earlier so Reevesy and Ste were moaning. The Mariah Carey ‘Heartbreaker’ song came on and set Reevesy off saying, “This song just fits with this party” and stuff.

People kept either coming in and switching the light on or making us laugh. If they hadn’t, I think Leon and I would have just kept kissing continuously! His hands kept wandering to my top and over my legs and stuff so it was a good job it was dark most of the time!

Lizzie and I walked them to the The Smithy pub where they were being picked up by Brett’s mum. Leon and I carried on kissing, leaning on the pub until their lift arrived and we had to leave each other. Lizzie told me on the way back to Freda’s as I was straightening my top up that Leon’s ex, Becky, had always said he was a bit of a ‘feeler’. Lizzie also said that Leon’d probably talk about the part at their swimming presentation evening tonight so she’ll fill me in on what he says.

Between meeting each other, we did talk a bit. His voice really reminds me of someone else but I can’t think who it is. I found out that he’s called Leon Farrell, he’s got 3 older sisters, he works for some plumber his dad knows and he supports Liverpool (bad!). I didn’t ask him how old he was because I’ve got a feeling he’s only 16 and I didn’t want my suspicions confirmed. He also told me that he doesn’t care about Becky anymore but I don’t believe him.

Other stuff happened at the party too…

  • Sarah met [snogged] Gethin. I can’t believe that. I was convinced he’s gay! I mean, he might well be but he said he really likes Sarah.
  • Emma’s now going out with Adrian Ford after they both told me they liked each other and I told them both to just go for it.
  • Freda met the 18 year old brother of Maggie Ridley called Adam and he gave her his number this morning.

I think that’s about it.

I slept most of today but woke up just in time to watch the England v Scotland match. I think I’ll go back to bed again soon.

Oh yeah, Karen was saying this morning that Ferny was flying a plane over the sea and a bird got caught up in it so he had to eject himself and was in the water for 6 hours. She says he’s got hypothermia which is why he’s not been in college.

Oh my God!! It’s now 8:00 pm and I’ve just got a message on my phone from Brett’s mobile saying, “Lee wants to know will u go out with him? Come out tomorrow with me and Lizzie.” What do I say? I really don’t know if I want to or not.

I just can’t decide but I’m going to have to give an answer soon. I like Leon but it’ll be dead awkward whenever I see him if he’s as shy as everyone says he is.

Okay, truth now… I really like Aled too and if I go out with Leon, I can’t have a sequel to Aled’s gathering and I want one.

I like being single too – no commitment to anyone. If I say yes then I could be with him for ages and I could miss out on other lads which I don’t want to do.

Oh, this isn’t good! I really have no idea what to say. I need to speak to Lizzie but she’s at her presentation evening for swimming with Brett and Leon and people.

Oh shit! I don’t like being in this situation at all.

I’ve just been watching that ‘Music of the Millennium’ on Channel 4 and Travis came on. Their lead singer really has got a look of Nathan about him.


I really like him – 16th September 1999

Thursday 16th I had quite a good day today, mainly because of my 3 free periods.

In the 1st one, I hung round with Lizzie, Oscar, Aled, Rani, Freda and a couple of others just playing cards and stuff. Then Emma asked me at lunch if I wanted to go to The Coach and Horses with her and Davis Nolan and a few others. We didn’t go in the end, we went and sat in the common room downstairs in college for a change with all the College 2s. Emma said Zoe (who was with us) and I were the only people brave enough to go with her. There’s a better atmosphere down there because there’s the pool table and music and stuff.

I noticed this lad at lunch and a couple of other times over the last few weeks. I don’t particularly fancy him, it’s just at lunch when I looked over he was looking at me. I spotted him a few times but he just looked away. Abby was the one who eventually helped me identify him. I’ve got to point him out to her sometime to be sure but she thinks it’s ‘Trotter’ (Darren Lawton’s his real name) who used to go out with her mate Jacqueline.

In my 2nd free period I stayed downstairs and chatted to Emma and Zoe until Emma had to go to her lesson when I had my 3rd free period. Then Zoe and I went back upstairs. Hayley’d been talking to Ferny by herself and I was a bit jealous I have to say but they had to go to their lessons after the bell went.

Aled came back up then. I thought he’d gone home but he was still there for some reason. I just talked to him mostly then. He makes me laugh, I really like him. He can be horrible to people he really doesn’t like though.

Then on my way home, I heard someone shout my name and I turned round and it was Aled again with Julien Olsen. He was going to Julien’s house to get his bike because that’s where he goes some mornings. I don’t know why. So, I walked half way home with them before they went off to the estate.

Bella Jameson and Rani are coming to the cinema with Zoe and me now. We asked Bella but Rani just invited herself. Not pleased!


Using her as a substitute for Emma – 30th April 1999

Friday 30th I phoned Adam this evening. I’d been talking to him online and he was in tonight so he said it was okay. We didn’t say much interesting as usual and I was doing most of the talking. I was saying about the prom and he was telling me how his school were having a leavers’ service at church coz the R.E. teacher’s a vicar or summit like that.

I really like him at the moment, it’s just annoying that he lives too far away. Although I might not like him if I ever did see him!

It was weird when Hayley and I first went to the phone box coz as soon as we got to it, it started ringing. I wanted to use it so we hung up. Then it started ringing again so I hung up again and tried to phone Adam but it wasn’t taking my money. I ended up phoning from the Sports Club.

The only link between the 2 times it rang was a man in a red car. As we were walking past the pub, it was coming up the road then turned down another road, stopped and then we lost sight of it. That was before. After the 1st time we hung up, the same car came round past the phone box we were in (by the bank and beauty parlour) and drove slowly past before going back up the main road out of view. Then it rang for a 2nd time.

When I got home tonight, I told Abby about it and she told me the same had happened to her and he mates at the phone opposite the supermarket at about the same time (8:30pm approx.), only they answered it.

She told me it was some bloke called Johnny who was at the petrol station and he was trying to get hold of someone. She said the phone kept ringing every time they hung up and then some other man turned up and he answered it twice and the stood about for ages as if he was looking for someone before disappearing round the back of the supermarket.

She told me that a big police van had also turned up and 2 policemen were running about. I saw the van go by as I was walking with Hayley to the phone box. I have to agree with Abby that it was all very dodgy.

I had it out with Hayley in the Sports Club about her over-reacting to everything and how unfair she was being on me expecting me not to talk to Emma and stuff. I said it all while she sat there sobbing. I felt better after saying it, even though it did upset her coz I got it all off my chest I think.

She did accuse me of using her as a substitute for Emma but I told her how unfair that was and how she was being really unreasonable and insecure. I think I said it all and I think she listened for once coz after I was leaving she ran after me and said she didn’t mean what she said. Maybe it’s finally sunk in, or some of it at least!

I was with Ralph, Emma and Ferny after school coz orchestra finished early and Ferny’d lost his bike lock key or summit so they had to saw it off. So we went back into the Tech room with them and there was this giant gateau which a caretaker had made and it was being tucked into by Mr P [the teacher who had ended orchestra early]. We then started heading home.

I still really like Ferny. Hayley told me she fancies Freddie Bevan now which is fine by me!

Emma’s been nice to me as well this week and she keeps telling me about arguments she’s had with Davis Nolan and stuff and how he’s fallen out with her because he was calling Rachael immature and then denying it. She also keeps telling me what she’s doing at weekend. I don’t get it!



She called me two-faced – 18th & 19th March 1999

Thursday 18th I’m far from pleased with Hayley right now. She called me two-faced twice today. Once was at break when I asked her whose photos she’d got. She shouted, “I showed you about 4 times in French yesterday but you were too busy being two-faced talking to Emma.” Yes, I was talking to Emma but no, I wasn’t being two-faced.

She’s bloody paranoid! Just because I wasn’t giving her my full, undivided attention, she decided to call me that. She has no right to say that. I can’t believe she seriously thinks I’d be like that, especially after all this recent business.

Then again after school, Emma was trying to tell me summit about Freddie Bevan and I was talking to her and not Hayley. As soon as Emma’d gone it was, “There you go again, being two-faced.” She then started accusing me of ignoring her in English. Well, every time I turned round, she was playing hangman with Cat Elliot and I did speak to her as well.

I tell you, I’m not putting up with this. If she can’t take the fact that I’m still speaking to Emma then that’s her problem. Maybe Emma doesn’t deserve forgiveness but it’d only make my life more difficult too. It’s not worth it. Hayley’s one of my best mates and if she’s that insecure that she thinks I’d piss off with that lot again and dump her for no reason then she really needs to sort herself out.

It’s not fair on me either. I don’t want to sound selfish and I hope I’m not being but it’s true. She makes me miserable. Every time I’m feeling optimistic, I can rely on Hayley to bring me back down to her depressed, bitter, stressed-out level. I dunno how much longer I can cope with her. I really want to tell somebody this but I can’t risk her finding out. She’s usually okay and I get on well with her but every so often she gets like this and I dunno what to do about it.


Friday 19th Hayley’s speaking to me again and I decided just to let her too. She was being all stubborn and quiet in the morning so I had another go at her about over-reacting. She was fine again though after she got a photo off Ferny. She’d been asking people to get one for her so Emma did. It’s quite a nice one of him actually but I’ve already got a few photos of him, although I wouldn’t mind an extra one. Hayley doesn’t know I still like him. I don’t as much as I used to but I still do a bit.

Ewan’s actually going out with Holly Lowe according to Hayley. She said she’d overhead it twice. I’m bothered but not as much as I thought I would be. Never mind, I’m gonna have to get used to the idea I think.

I went to the cinema too this evening with Hayley. We went to see ‘Shakespeare in Love’. Hayley wasn’t all that keen on seeing it but she came out saying it was better than she expected. I wanted to see it coz I’d seen it advertised and I like that sort of film. I thought it was really good. I was a nice film, not too depressing either. I really liked it.

[Via Wikipedia]

Afterwards, we were hanging about waiting for my mum to pick us up and these two 13 or 14 year old lads called us over. We ignored them. We saw them again as we were leaving and they were saying bye to us and asking if we had boyfriends. This means that everyone’ll get pissed off with Hayley now on Monday (including me) coz she’ll go on and on and on about it for weeks.


Nutter still fancies me – 4th & 6th January 1999

Monday 4th Well, our mock exams started today. Oh, what fun! NOT!!!

But first… someone persuaded Ferny to drink alcohol at New Year. Emma found out when she was listening to his answer when Mr P asked him if he’d had a nice holiday. Ferny told him, “I can’t remember much” so Emma asked if he’d been drinking and he said yes coz his friends had persuaded him into it.

We saw him again after school and he said he’d been away with the RAF and his mates from that had got him to drink. He never has done before. He said he got pressurised into it but they must’ve been badly skitting him coz he’s not backed down to people like Ralph and Freddie. Mind you, neither did I.

Emma also remembered that at the party, Ewan told her he went shopping in Warrington with Rick and he’d bought Brandy and South Park CDs. Emma then told him it was spooky coz I’d got a Brandy CD at Xmas and I was looking at and nearly bought the South Park album in the Trafford Centre. He said that great minds think alike or summit.

I didn’t mention New Year to Zoe today but she kept telling me that she wanted to talk to me. I never let her. I thought I would laugh when she confessed it all to me.


Wednesday 6th I failed my Maths exam today. I know already and I’ve not even got the results back yet. It was horrible and I hardly did any of the questions. Anyway, now that’s over, I can look forward to failing French.

Ferny didn’t help matters. He was attempting to fix a puncture on his bike with Ralph after it was all over and he told me and Emma he thought it was easy. Yeah right!

I still like him. He called Hayley sad as well which is reassuring to know (coz she’s my main rival for him, even though he doesn’t seem interested in girls) and he also told us that the Xmas card he gave her was the one from last year which he never got round to giving to her then.

Oh yeah, Nutter still fancies me. Emma said she asked him if he did at lunch and he said I was alright and then when she asked for a yes or no answer he said yes. Why couldn’t it be Ferny or Ewan instead, hey?


He’s not got very nice hands – 16th December 1998

[I’d love to hear your really rubbish reasons for going off someone. Please do share!]

Wednesday 16th Okay, I’ve calmed down a bit since last night. I’m not well. I’ve got a horrible cold and a sore throat and now I’m pissed off with myself (yet again) to go with it.

I’m pissed off because I had another perfectly good chance to speak to Ewan and I didn’t. You see, it was the Senior Citizens’ Party at school this afternoon and I was doing the drinks. The Music people were all doing their stuff next to where we were and that included Ewan. After he’d finished playing his first bit there was a mad rush for tea and coffee so he decided he’d help me, Georgia and Rach by being an extra tea lady.

We didn’t really say anything to each other but he was having conversations with everyone else except me. He did ask the general question of, “What are you 3 doing for Xmas?” but I was busy so I didn’t answer. He’s probably fed up of me now and probably thinks I’m really sad [swotty] and shy. I’m just always waiting for him to say summit first coz I can never think of anything to ask him.

I’m like that.  I can make conversation last for ages with my mates or people I don’t know very well but when it comes to people who I know know I like them, it’s totally different. Mind you, I can always use the fact that I had a sore throat as an excuse for not saying much. The other real reason for me not really saying much to him is that I’d probably say summit daft. Actually, he can hardly complain.

I was looking at Ewan too. He’s not got very nice hands. Ferny has. Ewan’s are really red and freckly with big veins in them. Okay, so it’s not his fault and I’m really just doing the same as what I was moaning about yesterday but still… In fact, he’s not all that nice at all really but I think that’s just coz I compare him to Ferny too much. [Ferny, the lad I briefly went off for the equally crap reason that he wore white socks.]

Hayley got a Xmas card for Ferny. I want one but I think he was probably forced into it by Lena who was probably forced into it by Hayley who gave him a card first anyway. He’s got nice writing and put his full name on for some reason. I s’pose there are quite a few Williams.

Oh yeah, that reminds me, Emma and I saw Ewan at break and he said, “Oh, I’ve got a Xmas card for you…” (looked at Emma) “…two” (looked at me as well) but he never gave me one today.

Emma told me that she and Hayley spoke to Ewan yesterday and she was just telling him in more detail about Paul Nutt (who told Emma he did still like me when she asked him) but I don’t know why really. Emma also told Ewan more about Joanne and how Nutter, sorry, Paul hadn’t decided whether he was going to go out with her or not. Ewan reckons that she’s too good for him. Great, so he probably fancies her now.

You know, I’d probably have spoken to Ewan by now if bloody Emma hadn’t have told him I liked him. She could’ve at least waited until I’d spoken to him once and it wouldn’t have been half as awkward as it is now.

We’ve only got 2 more days of school before the Xmas hols. That’s not good coz it means as soon as we get back we’ve got all our mock exams so I’m going to have to revise while I’m in Scotland. What a fun holiday I’m going to have.


Also, Ewan’ll probably go to a party or summit and will go with [snog] some girl so by the time we get back to school he’ll have forgotten I exist. I’m not even so sure I like him all that much now but no doubt I’d changed my mind again then find out he’s going out with someone. I don’t think he likes me anyway. Never mind.


It’s always the mingers that like me – 30th November 1998

Monday 30th

I do not believe my life at the moment! I’ve not had much good happening to me recently. Nothing ever seems to go my way.

Ewan’s not bloody well going to the garden centre Xmas part. He’s going to a Manic Street Preachers concert. [Aha! I’ve been trying to remember for years why I hated the Manic Street Preachers! I knew it was something daft from school and this is it.] Why does it have to be on Friday 11th December? Out of all the days in the year it would have to be on that one, wouldn’t it, hey?!

I’ll tell you why. It’s because that’s just my bloody luck. Every time I’m in with a chance with a lad I really like, it gets blown coz summit happens. [And that summit was usually that I chickened out.] For example, in Austria I was very friendly with Ferny on the way back from the disco and I had his fleece on too and then bloody Rani comes up and drags me away coz she’s on her bill.

Also, on the same holiday we were having a snowball fight and I was happily rolling down a hill with Ferny and getting very close again and then we had to all go back to our ski group but he hurt his knee so he moved away from my group to another one.

Then there was Ed’s party which I didn’t bother going to coz I thought nobody interesting was going, only to find out that next day that Ewan had been there and he said (when he was totally sober) that he would have gone with [snogged] me if I’d have been there.

And now this happens. Ewan can’t go to the party. How annoying is that? Surely I must be due for summit to happen to me lad-wise. Although I won’t count on it!

Emma was talking to Murray Ross this morning and when she asked him if his cousin liked me he said yes. Okay, I’m flattered I s’pose but yet again it’s always the mingers that like me, never actually anyone fit. [I wasn’t exactly a catch either.]

Oh yeah, another 2 chances I had which got pissed up… Finn, this fit lad, came and gave some kids a hand while I was on work experience. He was 17 and drop-dead-gorgeous and just as we were starting to get on really well he had to go back to college. Also, Alex McLean lived across the road from my cousins then he moved to bleedin’ Shetland of all places!

I’ve just got back from the 6th Form college open evening. I’ve decided that for A-level I’m going to take Biology, Sports Science and maybe Sociology and also an RSA course in Computer Studies or summit.

Ewan was there which is a good sign and so was this really fit lad. He was tall with dark hair and glasses but not nerdy looking and my dad said hi to his dad and I found out he’s part of the Baker family and lives just across the road from me in the new house. I hope I see him about but, knowing my luck, he’s probably either a complete dickhead, really shy, already taken by another girl or gay. Maybe not but likely!


I got to hear all about his boxers being too tight – 26th November 1998

Thursday 26th Roxanna (who’s my sister’s mate in Year 10 and who is also going out with Ewan’s mate Harry Preston) has told me that on Saturday night she’s got the house to herself and Harry’s going round so she said that I should go and she’ll get Harry to bring Ewan. She also said that if I don’t go then she’ll call round to my house with them. She’d better not!

I’m actually half tempted to go coz I don’t get all that many opportunities with Ewan but then I remember that it has the potential to be an extremely awkward situation. Seeing as Harry and Roxanna are a couple and she seems keen on doing a bit of matchmaking, it’s is likely we could be left alone together. The other thing is explaining why I am going to Roxanna’s house without Abby on a Saturday night.

It all seems like too much trouble but I can’t help thinking that maybe it’d all be worth it. After all, I’m not going to get many other chances coz it’s not guaranteed Ewan’s even going to the garden centre Xmas thing. Mind you, it’d not guaranteed he’d go to Roxanna’s either. I’ll see what happens tomorrow.

Rick keeps smiling at me and stuff every time he sees me. Usually it’s just a nice smile but sometimes I get that knowing grin from him!

Jez Greenhalgh keeps smiling at me too. He also keeps coming over to me in P.E. when he’s injured or summit. Like yesterday, I got to hear all about his boxers being too tight and sticking up his arse. Yes, Jez, I really do want to know these things. NOT!!!

Aah, I still can’t help liking William Fernley or Ferny as he is more commonly known. I’ve liked him for ages and I was just thinking I was starting to go off him coz of Ewan but every time I see him I can’t stop smiling to myself coz he’s so nice. He’s quite tall and a bit lanky with dark hair all over to one side with sideys and a six-pack. He’s lovely and he’s staying at 6th Form as far as I know. Yes! I don’t know if Ewan’s staying on or not. I hope so.

I’m probably going to the Sports Club tomorrow night and that Adam guy’ll probably be in there. I think Hayley and Lindsey might just stir things a bit so I’m not actually sure if I want to risk going! [My diary would have been a hell of a lot more interesting had I been even slightly less risk averse.]


Confidence boosting for me but agonising for them – 5th November 1998

Thursday 5th It’s Bonfire Night and a week until my 16th birthday which I’m dreading coz Hayley’s going to embarrass me and no doubt Emma will too.

I just thought I’d actually got through a day this week without any Ewan embarrassments today. That is until last break. Rach was on prefect duty in C Block with Harry Preston and I’d told her I’d go and stand with her. But I didn’t realise until I got in there that Ewan was with Harry P, did I?!

I couldn’t exactly run out again so I talked to Rach and Emma. Then Emma decided to call over Ewan and start talking to him about the Xmas party. I thought that she was going to tell him he had to come coz I was going but she didn’t. He was stood there grinning and so was I.

I made eye contact with him at registration for ages. He was sat in his form room eating and I was coming up the stairs. I looked and he looked for ages it seemed until I was in my form room (next to his).

Ferny’s starting at the 6th Form college probably. I thought he’d be joining the RAF straight away so I was prepared to force myself not to like him towards the end of the year coz I thought I’d never see him again. Now there’s no need. Maybe he’ll actually start to like girls by then too. I wonder what Ewan’s doing. I’ll have to find that one out.

I was on the phone to Emma before. She’s got Davis, Charlie Wilson and Jake Taylor all at her house for some neighbour’s bonfire and, as soon as she realised it was me, she said they’d all just been talking about me.

She said that they were talking about Austria and that Jake said that his mate Andrew Bailey (a saddo who was in my ski group) fancied me on that holiday and that he was dead disappointed when he didn’t get to go with [snog] me at the disco. Well, if it’s true, I never realised. If someone had said something I could have had some fun and led him on but not actually done anything. Sort of like a Ralph type thing where it’s confidence boosting for me but agonising for them. Mean, I know! [Very mean but, however much I tried to deny it, I know I lurved Ralph because it’s all written down and I failed to destroy the evidence.]


He said that he liked me as a friend – 22nd & 23rd October 1998

Thursday 22nd I was in a really miserable mood this morning. I think I was tired after being on a high last night but I just felt really down.

Ed’s party doesn’t help. It’s going ahead on Saturday night and Ed only asked me coz Emma made him. That didn’t make me feel too good, I can tell you. Reuben Leigh (he left our primary school and I used to really like him) is going and Emma says Ewan is.

I know what I’m like though. I always get my hopes up but then get disappointed and Emma always throws herself at people who she likes so I probably won’t have any chance. Either that or they won’t be there. I don’t even know if I’m going yet.

Freda is having a sleepover tomorrow night. Hopefully that’ll be good but if I do go on Saturday I’ll probably be knackered!


Saturday 21st Freda’s sleepover went okay last night. Nothing really interesting happened but she got a photo of me when I was asleep. That’s not good.

I got about 2 hours sleep there and 2 hours when I got home so, as you can imagine, I’m pretty knackered. Some people didn’t sleep at all. I’ve only ever done that once on the way to Austria and I’ll not be staying awake all night again if I can help it.

Ewan’s bleached his hair. It’s gone really white. It’s not all over, just bits. I can’t decide if I like it or not.

I went in the Music rooms at lunch so Emma and I could write Jade and Ed’s birthday cards. We went in a practice room where Davis was singing and, until the door shut behind us, I didn’t realise it wasn’t Dougie on the kit, it was Ewan.

I couldn’t really run out again so I had to stay. I just about managed to stop myself from staring at him and his hair which I think is a good thing coz Emma said he was staring at me most of the time. I think she might have been exaggerating a bit there.

The subject of Ed’s party came up and someone asked if Gemma Crowther was going. Then Ewan announced that he knew she was coz she was going to the party with him. I think he was pleased coz he was sat there grinning and waving his arms about. I also caught him glancing at me, probably checking me reactions. I pretended I didn’t care but I do.

Lena and Emma went to ask Ferny what he thought of Hayley yesterday. Hayley was annoying Lena coz she’d been mithering for her to ask him all week. Lena didn’t want to do it coz she already knows that he thinks that Hayley’s loud and too forward. That’s good.

The bad part is that while they were there, Emma also asked Ferny what he thought of me. He said that he liked me as a friend. He probably thinks I made her ask him when in actual fact I’d rather she hadn’t. It’s just embarrassing when I see him and at least when I didn’t know what he thought, there was always hope that he liked me a lot.

Emma phoned me before to try and get me to go to Ed’s party but I was really tired and I was thinking of all the negative parts of going so I put myself off. Then Emma got Suzanna to go with her and I changed my mind before and decided I wanted to go but I was too late coz Emma had already gone and I’m not arriving on my own.

I’ve done it again, haven’t I? I’ve decided not to do summit and changed my mind at the last minute when it’s too late so now I’ll regret not going coz summit’s bound to happen while I’m not there. Ewan’s probably going to snog someone. Probably not Suzanna coz she’s with Jaffa. Possibly Emma if she gets pissed. Most likely to be Gemma C, I s’pose. We’ll see. Emma’s working all day tomorrow so I’ll have to find out later on in the day.