I always felt really guilty afterwards – 3rd February 2000

Thursday 3rd Sarah and I sneaked off to the Trafford Centre today after 2nd lesson (we had frees for the rest of the day). We sneaked because we didn’t want Lizzie to come with us due to the fact she’s a total pain! She’s been nasty to Sarah for ages (although I don’t think she realises sometimes that stuff she says hurts her feelings) and she’s snogged Gethin (who Sarah fancies) loads of times even though she knows Sarah likes him and she repeats herself over and over and over just to make sure everybody knows whatever it is.

I did feel a bit guilty about leaving Lizzie behind but we had quite a good day. I bought a Celtic pattern ring and a black fleecy thing. We saw Ralph Christopherson too! I used to be really good mates with him and he really fancied me and I sort of liked him like that too but nothing ever came of it. He turned into a bit of a prick though and left school to go to a catering college. He was working in FT5K though today. He stopped and did say hi.

I’ve just found out that, at LA Bowl tonight, Lizzie snogged Gethin again. Hayley rang me and told me and I’ve just had a text from Freda saying, “HI. LIZZIE IS SUCH A WHORE WITH NO FEELINGS!” I took it that it was Lizzie and Gethin that triggered that off. I mean, I’ve snogged lads drunk and I always felt really guilty afterwards. Lizzie’s always sober, never seems to show any sign of a conscience and goes on about what happened in graphic details in front of anyone and everyone!



It’s nice to know I have that effect on somebody! – 27th January 2000

Thursday 27th 


Tessa Jane Simpson
Aged 17
17th diary

Well, I’ve got a new diary but I’ve not got much new to write in it.

I went to LA Bowl this evening with Lizzie Bond, Cat Elliot, Freda Fernandez, Bridget Linehan, Zoe Carrera, Hayley Pearson, Chloe Gomez, Denzel Chadwick, Stuart Hobbs and Julian Olsen. It was so boring! I didn’t really want to go in the first place because I’ve been so much recently but Hayley talked me into it in the end.

If I hadn’t have gone, something interesting would’ve happened but seeing as I went, nothing did! I got a score of 137 on a game of bowling and the people who are on some league team commented how good it was but that was about the only thing that happened.

This lad called Andy Winston who Hayley’s kind of seeing (and don’t we all bloody well know it!) turned up with his mates and she went off with him. That kept her happy but the rest of us were bored stiff!

There’s one lad called Reevesy who used to go out with Zoe but dumped her because he fancies me, and the other night I rang him up and sent him a text message from my phone apologising for waking him up (see 16th diary). Well, Zoe told me tonight that he was really chuffed when I rang (I didn’t even say much!) and even more so when he got my text message. It’s nice to know I have that effect on somebody!


P.S. Recently, I’ve also been sending texts to a lad called Amir who swims with Lizzie. They were just mess-about ones saying I was in love with him and stuff. He sent some back too. Anyway, last night he was talking about it and he’s decided I’m a bit mad. Great, I bet he thinks they were serious! I think I might just stop sending them now!

Everyone seems to have a geek fancying them….. except me! – 25th & 26th January 2000

Tuesday 25th Okay, I knew Hayley not annoying me wouldn’t last long and today just proved I was right.

This morning, Andy wasn’t answering his phone. That could’ve been for any number of reasons e.g. the ring volume was off or it was in another room to him. I told Hayley this but she wasn’t having any of it. She’d convinced herself that he hated her because she wouldn’t go very far with him on Saturday night which is why he wasn’t answering his phone.

I reminded her that he hadn’t been picking it up yesterday morning either and that she spoke to him at lunchtime but she wouldn’t take my advice to try again later on in the day. Instead, she started going on about how she didn’t know what she’d do if he hated her so she’d have to kill herself. Great, that’s all I need, a suicidal friend!

I told her to stop being daft, pathetic and paranoid and to just take things as they come and she stopped….. for about 5 minutes! Until the end of lunchtime I had Hayley asking me, “Do you think he hates me?” every 5 minutes. I think she was just looking for reassurance but she wasn’t half getting on my nerves! If she carries on like that again she won’t get chance to top herself cos I think I’ll resort to strangling the girl!! She really does go over the top sometimes. She needs to chill!

Everyone seems to have a geek fancying them….. except me! Sarah’s got Floyd, Freda’s got Chris K-B, Hayley’s got Henry Rockwell and now Lizzie’s got Denzel Chadwick. That doesn’t do much for my self-esteem when I haven’t even got a desperate little geek fancying me!


Wednesday 26th I think I’ll go on to my next diary after today. It’ll be a pink one with a bee on it.

I went to the doctor after school about my skin. I’ve been on Minocycline tablets for about a year and Dr O’L’s decided I should come off them for a while. It’s a good idea really but I’m just worried my spots’ll come back again.

Apparently Amir’s on tablets to clear up his skin and they’re working. He’s back from Paris now. They day he went I sent him a message to see if they worked when you’re abroad and Lizzie said he got it but couldn’t send one back.

Floyd’s really obsessed with Sarah. He keeps asking my advice on what to get her for Valentine’s Day. He’s so sweet. He says he’d do anything for her. His mum told him to ask her out but he’s too shy.

Kickboxing was dead good again tonight. We had a different instructor but I still really enjoyed it!

I saw Jake Taylor today. He’s so fit! I really like him at the moment. I wish he liked me but I doubt it’ll happen because it hardly ever does.

Andy might be moving to Germany with his uncle. This news has left Hayley gutted and suicidal.

?Mark sent me a message today. It contained stuff about Andy being a geek and Hayley being sad and desperate. I found it quite amusing!



Got shown his knob, came back – 22nd & 24th January 2000

Saturday 22nd I went to LA Bowl tonight. Quite a lot of people went again but nowt interesting happened.

Hayley went off with Andy, got fingered, got shown his knob, came back.

Chris Kelly-Banks snogged Amanda Bryan.

Furry Anton Roper snogged Amanda’s sister, Stephanie.

Freda was being a lesbian at me again and was pissing me off so I had a right go at her. She stopped after that. It probably won’t last too long though unfortunately.

I sent a message to Damon on behalf of Lizzie on her phone saying stuff like, “I want you” and “I’ve been in denial for so long” and “I’m finally letting my feelings be known”. We wanted a response but never got one.

Lizzie told me that Amir’s middle name begins with J and that he’s got wandering hands. Apparently Becki bent over at some party thing and he was having trouble controlling his hands and admitted that he couldn’t help it but he had wandering hands and was dead embarrassed once he’d sobered up!


Monday 24th Boring day. I had a 3-part apology text message from Freda today saying sorry for pissing me off on Saturday and that she’s only joking cos she’s really in love with Jenny Wilde!

I found out today that Stu’s the cousin of a girl called Emily who used to go to my primary and high school. Small world as Hayley put it.


P.S. The Man Utd v. Arsenal match was a bloody good one tonight, even if it was only 1-1. Utd have got a good few games in hand though.

“Tess Simpson! Go and wash your mouth out with soap and water!” – 19th January 2000

Wednesday 19th I had my most embarrassing moment this afternoon. I don’t know if I can write it so it sounds as bad as it was but I’ll certainly try.

At last break, I went up to the common room to find Sarah saying to Cat, “I really want to tell someone!” Cat agreed so I just had to know what it was. I mithered Sarah about it for 10 minutes until I began to get somewhat nearer to finding out what was going on.

I found out that Karen had confessed something unexpected of her in a game of ‘Truth or Dare?’ so I began to guess. Karen was behind me so whenever I came up with an idea, I turned round and asked her e.g. “Have you lost your virginity to Floyd Miller?”

I’d just asked Karen something and I turned back to Sarah after being told I was wrong and Sarah gave me a huge clue. So, I turned round and yelled, “Karen, did you wank someone off??!!” only to be faced with Mrs L about 3 feet away from me!!!

The room was full of people, all of which went deadly silent, waiting for a reaction as I slammed my hand over my mouth. Mrs L eventually said, “Tess Simpson! Go and wash your mouth out with soap and water!”

The whole room erupted into fits of hysterical laughter as I collapsed in a heap of embarrassed giggles on a chair, being thrown disapproving looks from Mrs L. It was awful!

Since then, people who weren’t in the room (of which there were very few unfortunately) have been asking me about it. Everyone seems to know! Cat made sure she told Mr L and Mr P-K about it at the dry ski slope after school too. They just found it very amusing!

I have an extremely swollen shin too because of a less but still embarrassing moment as I fell of a chair. I was stood, dancing about on one and it tipped up and I smashed my shin against the edge of the table. Owww!!

I’ve also set a trend with my ‘Roses are red’ poems. Everyone’s making them up and writing them on the white board. Some are:

Roses are red,
Big Paul’s built like a tank,
Ed wants to give Julian,
A really good wank!!
(Ed asked Julian if he could wank him off a week ago!)

Roses are red,
Gethin best watch his pace,
Or Lizzie’s big head,
Might explode on his face!!
(That’s a really snidey one but it was only sent in a text message to Sarah cos Lizzie’s being a bitch to her constantly.)

Roses are red,
Lizzie needs a good kick,
Someone we know,
Has a maggot for a dick!!
(That was about Aled cos everyone says he has no thing!)

Roses are red,
Fat, greasy and ginger,
That Big Paul,
Is such a minger!!
(Aimed at Cat to put her off him cos he’s seeing Emma so she’s got no chance.)

Roses are red,
Sarah L costs 10 pence,
Cat wants to ram,
CKB on your fence!!
(The 10p was cos Julian said if she was a prostitute that’s what he’d pay. CKB’s Chris Kelly-Banks if you’re wondering. Not the fragrance!)

I had a message from Stoned Rob (Lizzie’s new stalker is now called that cos he looks stoned) saying, “Phone me Babe.” I’m worried!


Dougie suggested that we should run away together – 15th & 17th January 2000

Saturday 15th Guess where I went tonight. Bloody LA Bowl again! I’m sick of the place! It was a bit better tonight cos more of us went. Dougie and I were both having a problem with same sex admirers though. Julian was after him and Freda is still after me. HELP!! Dougie suggested that we should run away together. Shame he wasn’t serious. Phwoar! He is sooo nice!

I also got looked up and down by some bloke. He was with a group who were all alright except him. He was manky looking with glasses. Just my luck!

Amir got my message last night while he was working at the pool with Lizzie. She told him that I’d been writing “I ♥ Amir 4eva + eva amen” on the whiteboard at school and she said he got a bit freaked out so she admitted I was only messing about.

Apparently he sent a message back last night saying, “I LOVE U 2” or something but I never got it so I sent one to him saying, “LIZZIE SAID U SENT ME A MESSAGE BUT I DIDN’T GET IT (sob sob!). NEVER MIND, I STILL WANT U! SORRY IF I’M FREAKING U OUT, IT’S JUST THAT I LOVE U SOOO MUCH! TESS x :)” It’s going to be embarrassing if I ever see him again!!

I did get a reply but it only said, “CAN’T TALK, ON MY WAY TO SMITHS”. It’s his equally minging mate Rick’s birthday so they were off out clubbing. I wonder if he got a snog. Lizzie said he’s always whinging  cos he’s only met [snogged] 2 people and it was ages ago. Aaaahh.


Monday 17th I’ve been texting Amir again today. I started it this morning by saying, “HELLO! HOW R U? I’M V.V.V.V. BORED SO I’M IN LOVE WITH U AGAIN! JUST THOUGHT I’D LET U KNOW. LOVE TESS xxxxxxxx”.

I wasn’t expecting it but I got a reply. It said quite simply, “I LUV U 2”. So, I sent another  saying, “DO U? GREAT!! R U BORED 2? I STILL HAVEN’T GO THAT MESSAGE U SENT ON FRI. WHAT DID IT SAY? LUV TESS xxx”. He replied saying, “I DECLARED MY UNDYING LUV 4 U! I’M V. BORED. NOT DONE MY COURSEWORK SO MY TEACHER WILL KILL ME!”

Lizzie said that the message I didn’t get said something like, “I love you 2 + I’m not under the influence of anything!” She was there when he wrote it.

The next message I sent to Amir said, “ HAVE U GOT ANY MATES THAT WANT TEXT SEX COS MY MATE SARAH IS A BIT DESPERATE?! SHE’S BORED 2. SHAME I NEVER GOT URE MESSAGE. LUV U! TESS xxx :)”. Sarah’d been moaning that she didn’t get many messages which is why I sent that one. Amir replied, “MY MATE BRETT WILL PROBLY TALK BUT WE’RE GOING TO OUR ORAL SESSION! SPEAK WITH U LATA. 07940 ******.” The number was his mate’s so I sent a daft message to it from Sarah’s phone.

I sent Amir a message later saying, “HAVE U FINISHED URE ORAL SESSION YET?! I’M STILL AT COLLEGE SO I’M STILL BORED SO I STILL LOVE U! LUV TESS xxxxx”. I didn’t get a reply to that one.

I got some daft message later from him and Brett (Lizzie’s ex) with loads of ‘i’s and ‘!’s and then, “SEND THIS TO 5 PEOPLE + U WILL BE LOVED BY THE 1 U LOVE IN THE YEAR 2000!” I didn’t send it to anyone because it’s a waste of bloody credit! In fact, I bet the phone companies started it just for that reason!

I made up another one of my poems before for Lizzie cos she didn’t know what to send to Gethin. It goes:-

Roses are red,
Cars have a horn,
You’re in denial,
But we know you watch porn.

I hope she doesn’t actually send it!

Recently, Lizzie’s been getting dodgy text messages from the Orange website. She found it out was Brett’s mate Rob (who was there on Bonfire Night) tonight cos he rang her asking to meet up and stuff.


Loot (+ Pillage!) – 12th & 13th January 2000

Wednesday 12th The Hayley-Andy situation is not too good again. He’s told her she’s too pushy and sends too many text messages and phones too much. I very nearly told her to stop ringing him after about the 8th time the other day for the very reason that it might annoy him but I decided against it because of Hayley’s temper.

Sarah has also decided that ?Mark’s a creep so she’s stopped texting him. I am doing it on her behalf again. He actually wanted us to go bowling tonight but we couldn’t. Well, this has all blown any chance I had of seeing Stu again.

I went skiing after school today but unfortunately it was only to the dry ski slope in Runcorn. We are being prepared for the school ski trip to France in February. I’ve done it before because I went to Austria with school 2 years ago (it doesn’t seem that long!) so I could manage pretty well but Abby was having trouble!

I got my white belt at kickboxing tonight. I’m dead proud of it! It’s not very impressive (or scary!) when you say you’re a white belt but I don’t care. I think it’s cool!


P.S. ?Mark says he’s known Stu since he was 6. Aaah!!

Thursday 13th In the room I hang round in at college, someone’s brought in a white board and people started putting daft advertisements about each other up. At the top it says “Loot (+ Pillage!)” for a title and then the adverts say stuff like:

In the lost and found section there was stuff like:

  • Lost:- Virginity. If found please contact me on…

There were 2 that included me:

  • Tess wanted for carpet-licking contest! Please contact Freda on 07876 ******.
  • Vicious rumours + bitchyness by Tess on 07876 ******.

One about Lizzie was done in hope that she’d get the hint. It said:

Hearing problems? Contact Lizzie Bond and get constant repetitions until you die of boredom. Tel: 07900 ******.

I thought it was a bit mean but it didn’t work, anyway.

Hayley sent a message to Andy last night and Stu was replying to them. Then she told him I fancied him and he said he had a dog called Tess. Today she got a message off Andy saying that Stu is bisexual with a girlfriend. Bloody typical!! Sod him then!

I’ve been sending messages to ?Mark for Sarah today. He said he likes blondes but brunettes are sexier. Good! That’s what I like to hear! I also told him later on that I don’t fancy Stu, just to try and save any embarrassment.

Lizzie sent me a message before. She’s been talking to Damon and he said Leon’s got a new girlfriend. We don’t know her but she’s a friend of David’s. I’m not sure which David they mean though. There was still a slight him of jealousy there!