Tag Archives: teenagers

His vision was probably blurred with tiredness – 6th & 7th May

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Sunday 6th Hellooooo!!! I thought I’d be different and write in orange for a change because it’s nice and bright after writing in black or blue all the time in college!

Welcome to my 22nd diary. That’s quite a lot of diaries I’ve written now!

Anyway, I didn’t really do all that much today because I was at Denny’s 18th birthday party last night and didn’t get much sleep! My boyfriend Jacob Taylor (who will either be known as Jake or J, depending on how much time/energy I’ve got to write!) came to my house this morning but he was tired too because he’d been at the party last night too and we both slept (or not!) on Cat’s living room floor. So, we just got into my bed today and slept for quite a while. We both woke up at various times and had a cuddle and kiss and stuff (his hands wandered!) before we got bored of lying around and took Mollie out for a walk round the field behind my house.

When we got back again, we were worn out so we just watched TV all evening so as to conserve energy! He kept telling me I’m gorgeous (his vision was probably blurred with tiredness!) and said he loves me lots of times! 🙂 Well I love him too!

Bye!

Monday 7th It’s a bank holiday this weekend so I didn’t have to go to college. 🙂 I should really have stayed home and revised for the exams that are looming in a few weeks but it’s been a really nice, sunny day so I didn’t really feel like staying indoors with giant folders of A-level notes. So instead, Jake and I went for a bike ride. We went up the road towards Liverpool and somehow ended up back in Cat’s village. I didn’t have a clue where I was until then!

We finally made it back home and I was just about to go and flop on my bed when Mum asked us to take Mollie for a walk. We just took her round the field again and there were loads of rabbits but Mollie could only smell them because she’s too short to see them over the grass!

When we got in we just lay about (knackered!) on my bed and watched TV and cuddled. He kept telling me I’m beautiful and said I’ve got nice shoulders! I don’t know where that came from! He kept telling me he loves to too. 🙂 Mmm. I like hearing that.

I’m really happy with Jake at the moment. To be honest, it all seems too good to be true sometimes! I get really scared sometimes that something’s going to go wrong and spoil it. I don’t know what I’d do so I hope that doesn’t happen.

Uhh, Mum’s just had a go at me because I asked if she could give me a lift home from college tomorrow. That’s all I said but she completely flew off the handle and started going on about how she’s got 3 things to do already tomorrow (work, take my sister to the Parr Hall for a Young Enterprise thing and see Grandma S).

I said it didn’t matter and I’d just walk home but then Abby shouted at me that there’d be no room in the car for me anyway cos her friends were getting a lift. Mum didn’t know Abby had volunteered her as a taxi but it was ME who got yelled at again! I ended up getting upset because that wasn’t fair that I got yelled at, just because Abby didn’t stick around.

Bye!

She’s considering getting a pregnancy test – 2nd April 2001

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Monday 2nd
3 days to go!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

I’m sort of getting a bit worried about Jake coming home now. It was triggered by his email this morning. I mean, I really want him to come home but I’m scared that him being away for so long will have changed things between us.

In his email, he said how he prefers the bars and clubs there, and in other mails he’s gone on about how great everyone is there. I’m just worried that we’re all going to be too boring for him when he gets back after he’s met all these different people.

I feel sort of left out in a way cos I don’t know the people he’s spent the past 3 months with. Plus he’s been doing something he enjoys so coming back here is probably going to be crap in comparison. He also said in his email that the next few days are going to be good, basically cos he’ll be out getting pissed and I don’t like the thought of that! Surely if they’re as good as he thinks they’ll be then he’s going to not want to leave.

Oh, I don’t know what’s up with me really. I want everything to be like it was before he went (only without having to worry about him leaving) but I’m not sure it will be. I can just see him getting bored really easily but I don’t want him to get bored with me.

The other thing is that I don’t know whether I can handle him going on about it all cos I hate to admit it but I am really jealous cos I’ve not really got anything that even nearly matches that to say that I’ve done.

Oh dear, I very nearly got upset then but I’m okay now. I hope all that is just be being daft and I hope it’s even better when he gets back than it was before he went. We’ve got things like Barcelona to look forward to as well. The thing is that I really don’t know what’s going to happen so I’m just going to have to take things as they come.

It’s Denny’s birthday today so he bought a big meal think for a group of us at The Coach at lunch which I thought was really nice of him. Hardly anyone realised it was his birthday cos he’s having a party for it in May so we all just assumed that it was nearer the end of April!

Karen was back in college today. She says she spent a lot of last week worrying cos she was sick in the mornings with the bug she had. She says that she’s okay no but is still a bit worried about what she did with Big Paul cos it was only about 2 months ago at the end of January. She says she keeps checking her weight and she’s not gained any but she’s considering getting a pregnancy test just to put her mind at rest!

After college today there was me, Emma and a few of the College 1 lads hanging about so Emma took the opportunity to ask them if Robbie had mentioned the message she sent him on Friday. They said that he’d mentioned getting a message from her but he said it only said that she was bored and in a pub in town! Emma said it definitely sent so it’s a bit of a mystery as to where it went! Someone’s going to try and get hold of his phone tomorrow to see if he did get it or not. He could’ve thought it was one of his mates messing about and so didn’t want to react to it. Maybe we’ll find out tomorrow.

Jake rang at about 9:45pm. He said the assessment thing went okay for him but some people messed up. He says that he really does want to come home but the bars and stuff there are better than Warrington and other places round here. He says he’ll miss Banff and the people there a bit but he does want to come back.  He asked why I don’t believe him but I couldn’t answer cos I sort of do but I’m a bit unsure. He said he’ll try and email me tonight and will ring at about 5pm tomorrow.

Bye!

Today’s emails →

02-04-01 Jake email02-04-01 Tess email

(Shortly after he was sick!) Lizzie snogged him – 23rd March 2001

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Friday 23rd
1 week + 6 days to go!

I really thought tonight was going to be crap cos loads of people decided in college that they weren’t coming out. Sarah rang me at the last minute to say she wasn’t coming out either so it ended up being just me, Karen and Lizzie out of our year.

I didn’t speak to Jake tonight cos I was going out quite early and he couldn’t phone until about 7:30pm again.

The night, however, turned out to be quite good/interesting! Drew met up with this girl called Heather but acted like he’d never seen a girl in his life so the rest of us gave him a bit of encouragement! He eventually got it together with her in The Coach and Horses, I think. It took him long enough anyway!

Gaz (a.k.a. Barney) hung round with me, Lizzie and Karen for most of the night cos all his mates had paired off with people a bit. For some reason, Robbie got it into his head that Barney was after me and said to him, “You’d better not try it on with my brother’s girlfriend!” Then later, “I’m watching you, Ug!” to Barney. (He gets called stuff like Ug and Barney cos he has a kind of caveman look, I suppose!)

In the end, Robbie did not have to worry anymore cos (shortly after he was sick!) Lizzie snogged him!

I’m really not sure what to make of Robbie. He seems to be nice to me and I thought we got on alright but then Lizzie told me that he’d said something to her the other week about either him or his dad not liking me.

Why not?! I don’t understand what it is that I’ve done wrong!

Jake’s unfortunately right, I don’t want to be at his house while his family are in. Whether any of it’s true or not, I’m probably never going to find out so it does make me want to avoid his family for fear that I’ll do or say something more to fuel any dislike for me. I wish it wasn’t like that. 😦

Robbie was saying that his dad told him to ask me if I want to go to Heathrow Airport with him to pick Jake up. I said I was on a Biology school trip so I can’t. That’s not exactly true though. I am on a trip but it’s the day before he gets back. I’m sorry but I don’t really want to go on a long car journey with a bloke I hardly know who quite possibly doesn’t even like me. Still, it was nice of him to ask.

I do get the feeling sometimes that Jake’s dad’s on a bit of a guilt trip after Robbie told me his dad didn’t like me. It’s just that he phoned me up to apologise for Robbie (fair enough, I suppose), he came round to my house just to give me a book on Barcelona which would’ve been easier to give to Robbie to give to me in college, and now he’s offering to take me to London to pick Jake up.

I mean, he seems like a nice bloke and it’s probably just coincidence that he’s actually spoken to me more since Robbie opened his gob but it does make me wonder whether he’d be so nice to me if Robbie hadn’t said something. Jake keeps telling me that his dad wouldn’t say he didn’t like me but why would Robbie just come out with that? There’s no smoke without fire and all that! Oh well.

Robbie did actually make a complete prick of himself tonight. He was pretty pissed and started doing scally impressions on the park with his trousers tucked into his socks and his boxers pulled up over his shirt to his armpits! Then a while later, someone dared him to flash and he did, not realising Karen had her camera handy! Ha ha!! 🙂

Scally

Bye!

Today’s emails →

23-03-01 Jake email23-03-01 Tess email

His mate Jonny says I look horny – 15th February 2001

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Thursday 15th
7 weeks to go!

I was just about to check my email in college this morning when all the computers went off. It turned out there was a power cut in the village and we were told that we might get sent home cos it was a potential fire hazard. However, the fire alarms were working unfortunately so we had to go to lessons.

At break I tried to read my email again but the internet was down all over school! I eventually got onto Hotmail at lunch but then it cut off my email halfway down for some reason! I then had to wait until I got home before I could read it properly.

Jake had attached lots of photos he’d scanned in to the email of him and his friends. He does look different but I’m not sure why.

He phoned me tonight at about 4:40pm. He said nothing much has happened there except he’s really pleased with himself cos he taught some people to ski properly. He also told me that the girl who they thought broke her neck was on the front page of the local paper and that she’s still in hospital and it was her helmet that saved her.

He also told me not to worry about one of the girls on one of the photos cos it looks like she’s close to him but she wasn’t apparently and she’s a slag and sleeps with all the Canadian blokes and has got pneumonia. Jake said they all reckon it’s cos of all the “stuff” she’s swallowed! Surely she’d have to inhale, not swallow!

We got talking about diaries and he reckons it’s dead cute that I keep one and he wished he did! He also said that he wouldn’t want to read it cos he’d get jealous! He said he even got jealous when he found out I stuck a sweet packet in my diary that Dougie gave me when I was about 13! I’m quite flattered really!

I went to The Coach and Horses with a few people tonight cos not everyone can go out tomorrow night. I sent Michael Amhurst a text message to find out if he got the photo I sent him that I took when he was here. His reply said, “I’M FINE + U? NO PHOTO BUT I’VE NOT BEEN HOME! IT’LL BE WAITING! I’VE GOT THE OTHER PIC ON MY WALL + THE PERSON ON THE RIGHT HAS BEEN GETTING A LOT OF ATTENTION!”

The picture he meant was the one of me, Hayley and Isaac that we sent in a Xmas card to him. I couldn’t remember who was on the right so I asked him and he told me that it was me and that he meant that his mate Jonny says I look horny apparently!

Michael’s probably going to meet up with us sometime next week cos we’re all on school holidays.

Bye!

Today’s emails →

15-02-01 Jake email15-02-01 Tess email

Emma’s dyed her hair and now looks like a zebra/skunk! – 8th February 2001

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Thursday 8th
8 weeks to go!

Robbie apologised to me today for what he said last Friday and says he’s going to ignore me tomorrow night just in case he says anything else! I’ll forgive him! He’s alright really… but then I was never that annoyed with him in the 1st place cos there was nothing too bad written in the letter (he still shouldn’t have read it but I can’t honestly say I wouldn’t have done!) and it was his dad who said something in the 1st place.

Everyone else seems to know about his dad coming round and phoning me and started asking me what he’d said and stuff today.

Emma let out the truth about why Declan dumped Lizzie today. There was a group of us sat around talking about Declan and Kim, and then Emma said, “I don’t know how she can face speaking to you, Lizzie, after what she did.” We all turned to face Emma saying, “WHAT?!” Emma then had to tell us that Robbie told her that Kim and Declan had shared a bed on Friday and things happened between them. Lizzie then, quite understandably, got upset. We were all blaming Declan until today and, yeh, it was his fault but Kim knew he had a girlfriend but still didn’t say no.

Declan then came over to me and Sarah later and swore down that all he and Kim did was kiss. Even so, it’s still not fair.

Jake phoned at about 6pm tonight. He was sure it’s Friday today but I put him straight! His email really confused me when I read it today cos he seemed to think I might be going out. Poor lad, he’d got all confused too! He didn’t have much to tell me so I updated him on the Lizzie and Declan situation and stuff!

Emma’s dyed her hair and now looks like a zebra/skunk! She’s got really blonde bits and black bits too! I didn’t like it at first but now I’ve got used to it, I think it looks quite good!

Bye!

Today’s emails →

08-02-01 Jake email08-02-01 Tess email

Mum let me drive the car round Asda car park – 7th February 2001

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Wednesday 7th
8 weeks + 1 days to go!

It turns out that we were probably along the right lines about why Declan dumped Lizzie. Apparently, Robbie told Freda then Freda told Karen who told me that Declan wants to be single for the ski trip so he can take advantage of Kim while she’s drunk!

That’s so unfair on Lizzie! She must have liked him cos she did actually get upset yesterday afternoon and that’s not at all like her.

I spoke to Jake at about 7pm tonight. He said he’d tried to ring earlier but it was engaged cos my mum was using the phone. He didn’t go snowboarding today 🙂 because the people who were meant to be teaching it couldn’t be arsed! He promises me he won’t do it again cos boards are too expensive to hire.

Mum let me drive the car round Asda car park tonight cos I didn’t go kickboxing cos my legs are still tingling a bit when I walk and stuff. It was really good! Mum said I did really well cos I didn’t stall it or anything until I’d stopped to get out so Mum could take us home.

I want a car now!

Bye!

Today’s emails →

07-02-01 Jake email07-02-01 Tess email

At least 3 of them were very, very fit! – 8th to 11th November

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Wednesday 8th I went to the doctor’s again today and he thinks it’s a trapped nerve, possibly caused by me banging my elbow on something. I’ve got to go back in 2 weeks if it doesn’t improve. He mentioned something about nerve conduction tests. They don’t sound too good!

I missed half of college today cos I couldn’t write.

Bye!

Friday 10th

TicketTicket

I got this ↑ from Mr Smith’s nightclub in Warrington plus 8 of these:

Ticket

[They had such a strict over 18s policy that they invited me on a night when I was still 17. Good old Smith’s!]

So, a load of my mates and I went tonight. Jake didn’t come cos he hates it there but I wasn’t that bothered. It’s more fun with just my mates. Quite a few people didn’t get in in the end but all my main friends did.

I really enjoyed myself! I had loads of lads trying it on with me (and at least 3 of them were very, very fit!) but I rejected them all, of course!

Bye!

Saturday 11th Work was awful today! Q (a chef) was being a right bastard as soon as I arrived and then I kept dropping things cos of my hand being numb.

I saw Jake for a bit and Auntie G and Grandma S came to visit.

Bye!

I had a nosey in Jake’s toiletry bag – 21st October 2000

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Saturday 21st I went in to wake Jake up this morning and he said it was really nice having me waking him up. I got in the spare bed with him for a bit but I had to get up eventually cos my dad did a huge fry up, plus I had to go to work at The Green Dragon across the road.

After work, Jake picked me up cos we were going round to Hayley’s sister’s house to help look after the dog. She didn’t want to spend all night on her own so she said we could both stay too. On the way, we stopped off at Victoria Wine and while Jake was buying the drinks, I had a nosey in Jake’s toiletry bag. I know I shouldn’t have done but he looked in a bag from the chemist which is in my room, containing my Dianette.

Anyway, I was expecting it to just be all his hair products and stuff (which it was) but I also discovered a condom in there. He must have been getting his hopes up but I didn’t want to do that tonight cos I’m still on my period.

We didn’t do much when we got to Hayley’s sister’s cos she’d invited this lad called Andy round so Jake and I went to bed to get out of their way. We actually ended up falling asleep pretty quickly and the next thing I knew it was morning.

We just lay there and cuddled for ages and then I grabbed his toiletry bag to test is reactions and, as I expected, he snatched it off me. We ended up falling off the bed though when I tried to get it back!

We decided we could definitely get used to spending all night together cos it’s really nice waking up to each other in the morning.

Bye!

I really wanted to dance – 12th & 13th October 2000

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[This is diary number 20, held together with gaffer tape because I’d stuck so much crap in it.]

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Thursday 12th My boyfriend, Jake and I have been going out exactly 8 months today! That’s actually quite scary because whenever I heard of other people being together that long, I thought it seemed like ages and that I’d never do it! I’m glad I have though – it’s nice!

I’ve not had time to write in my diary as much as usual because I’ve had so much coursework for my A Levels. Not all that much has happened though recently. I went into Warrington on Friday night with my mates and made the mistake of persuading Jake to come with me. He just sat down all night in Mr Smith’s when I wanted to dance with my mates but I didn’t want to leave him. I ended up in tears because I didn’t see my mates all night so I felt left out and I really wanted to dance. Jake ended up feeling really guilty then. I suppose at least I know not to take him clubbing in future!

I had a slightly better night on Saturday. I got a Chinese takeaway with Jake and then we came back here to my house. Everyone was in bed and it was dark so we went and watched TV in the front room. We ended up kissing and cuddling and then 3.

That is about all that’s happened because I’ve been stuck at home doing my bloody coursework!

Bye!

Friday 13th Tonight, Sarah, Hayley, Jake and I went for a drive in Jake’s car because we had nothing else to do. It was fun actually! We went to Knutsford, Over Peover (which we found amusing!), Jodrell Bank and Wales. Then we got bored and came home via Chester. The furthest we got was Mold so Jake could put petrol in the car.

I got a bit pissed off with Jake cos he didn’t stop anywhere after he’d taken the other 2 home so I didn’t give him a kiss goodbye. He sped off pretty quickly so I got the impression he wasn’t very pleased with me for that.

I ended up feeling really guilty and sent a message to his phone apologising and explaining I wasn’t too happy about him just dropping me off at home like he’d done with the other 2. He replied, “OHH I’M SORRY! DIDN’T REALISE! I KNOW YOU’RE NOT JUST ONE OF MY MATES! YOU’RE A LOT MORE SPECIAL TO ME AND I LOVE YOU!”

Now I feel even worse cos that was so sweet!

Bye!

I could feel his heart rate speed up as he said it – 27th to 30th September 2000

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Wednesday 27th Kickboxing was good tonight! I spent all day dreading it and then our instructor was in a really cheerful mood for some reason. 🙂

Bye!

Thursday 28th I saw Jake briefly after college but I couldn’t enjoy myself cos I was worrying about working tonight cos I had so much college work. It didn’t matter in the end though cos Mum rang in sick for me! 🙂

Bye!

Friday 29th – Saturday 30th Our trip to Derby finally came around and I turned out to be a bit disappointing for most of us in the end.

It took us ages to get there cos Jake decided to take the scenic route which made Cat and I a bit travel sick. When we finally reached Derby, we drove round in circles, completely lost for 40 minutes, trying to find the Travel Inn but we got there (eventually!) after many arguments over which direction to go in and how many times we’d passed Carpet World!

The rooms at the Travel Inn were quite nice. Jake and I shared one (with a double bed) and Cat and Sarah had the other.

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The whole point of the trip was so Sarah could see Maz so she was really chuffed when he came to meet us at the Travel Inn. We decided to go to McDonald’s and then go out to a club called Zanzibar (which Jake and Cat didn’t really like the sound of!) but whoever ordered the taxi only got one big enough for 4 people so we just let Sarah and Maz go and Jake drove us to McDonald’s. We ended up getting lost again but eventually found one on a road to Nottingham!

After we’d eaten, we decided against going to Zanzibar so planned to go back and drink at the Inn. Then, Maz and Sarah turned up and locked themselves in Sarah and Cat’s room so Cat got left with me and Jake when she really wanted to go to bed. She felt like a right gooseberry (even though Jake and I weren’t doing anything at all) cos she was stuck with 2 couples. It wouldn’t have been a problem if Emma hadn’t have dropped out on Thursday.

After about an hour, the 3 of us were having a good laugh over a girly magazine but we decided it was a bit out of order that Cat couldn’t go to bed or get her stuff cos of Sarah, who could’ve gone back to Maz’s flat instead.

So, rather than bang on the door to let Cat in, I rang Sarah’s mobile. She didn’t answer for ages but then picked it up and yelled, “What?!!” at me so I politely asked her how long she would be and she said she didn’t know and switched her phone off. I then went and banged on the door and told her that her mum had turned up and was waiting in reception.

After a few minutes, she began to believe me and answered the door in a towel. She was a bit pissed off to find I’d lied but when I explained about Cat and how it wasn’t exactly fair, she said bye to Maz and he went.

Once he’d gone, she started apologising and stuff so we forgave her. She then told us she’d had sex with Maz which was why she couldn’t stop smiling! We then felt a bit guilty for interrupting!

Finally, Jake and I were left alone so we got into our pyjamas and got in bed. We just cuddled up for ages and then started kissing. That led to him sort of half lying on top of me. After a few minutes, he said, “Do you want to do this? Yeh?” I realised he was referring to us doing what Sarah and Maz had just done cos I could feel his heart rate speed up as he said it.

I’d half been expecting him to try something cos of some of the messages we’ve been exchanging recently. Up until then I had wanted to but in the back on my mind planned to stop things if I changed my mind.

The fact that he asked me filled me with panic cos I had to give him an answer and, once I’d given him an answer, it would have been harder to let him know if I’d changed my mind. So, I just didn’t say anything and carried on kissing him. He then said, “Do you want to?” and I paused for a while and then found myself sort of shrugging but shaking my head at the same time. He then said, “No? You don’t have to, you know” in a really understanding way so I assumed he was alright with that.

I must have dozed off at one point cos when I woke up, Jake was lying on the sofa bed. I asked him why he’d moved and he told me that he couldn’t sleep and didn’t want to wake me up. I told him that I’d woken up a bit so he came back to bed but was being dead quiet and kept sighing.

I asked him if he was okay and I muttered something about the night being a bit of a waste of time (cos by that time I was regretting refusing cos I couldn’t see us getting another chance to be alone all night) and he asked me what was wrong and why I wouldn’t do it and if it was him that was the problem. I said it wasn’t him at all and that I really didn’t know why.

We slept for a bit but, before my alarm clock went off at 8:00am, 3 happened and after that he seemed to cheer up a bit and kept telling me he loves me and stuff! 🙂

The journey back home went pretty quickly, although Cat had to ring The Green Dragon cos she was going to be late and they told her they needed her in today cos they’d “already been let down by Tessa this morning”. Ooh, I hate them!! (My mum phoned to tell them I was still ill today!)

I went back to Jake’s for a while but we both fell asleep on the sofa.

When I got back to my house and he‘d gone home, I texted him apologising for last night cos I felt really guilty in the end. He replied saying, “DIDN’T THINK I’D GET A MSG THAT QUICK! ONE THING THAT I DON’T WANT IS PRESSURE ON EITHER OF US! YEH I WANT US TO TAKE IT FURTHER BUT I DON’T WANT IT TO RUIN WHAT WE’VE ALREADY GOT! I WAS SO NERVOUS ANYWAY! THOUGHT MAKING A TRIP TO BOOTS WAS BAD ENOUGH! I LOVE YOU AND I DON’T WANT YOU TO FEEL GUILTY IN ANY WAY! J x”.

I was so glad to hear he was nervous! But the fact he had to go through the trauma of going into Boots made me feel even more guilty! At least I know he was prepared anyway cos I had been wondering whether he’d come equipt!

I sent him a reply telling him that part of the reason I said no was cos in the back of my mind I thought he might think I just did it cos Sarah had with Maz (that was part of it really). I also asked if he was feeling pressured by anything and he said, “AAH! I DIDN’T THINK THAT AT ALL! I DON’T FEEL PRESSURISED BUT I DON’T WANT YOU TO BE! I LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH ALREADY… SO DON’T WORRY! : ) xxx JAKE xxx”.

I told him I wasn’t worrying, I was just more annoyed with myself and he said, “I’M SORRY – I MEANT DON’T FEEL AWFUL! YEH IT WAS A GOOD OPPORTUNITY BUT AS YOU SAID – IT WAS A WEIRD NIGHT! THERE’S NOTHING TO STOP US GOING ON ANOTHER OPEN DAY OR FIND A LOCAL TRAVEL INN! PLEEAASE DON’T FEEL AWFUL! LOVE YOU! xJx”.

I told him I didn’t really want to plan it (cos then I really would feel forced to do it) and asked if he was annoyed with me at all. He said, “THAT’S WHY I ASKED YOU! I’M NOT GONNA BE ANNOYED WITH YOU IF YOU DON’T WANT TO! YOU SAID IN A MESSAGE THAT YOU DIDN’T KNOW IF YOU WANTED TO B4! IF YOU STILL WEREN’T SURE THEN I WOULDN’T BE PLEASED! I DON’T WANT TO PLAN IT EITHER – THERE’S TOO MUCH PRESSURE AND YOU MAY NOT FEEL LIKE IT! x”.

I asked him why he wouldn’t be pleased and pointed out that I didn’t really have a reason for saying no last night and he replied, “I DON’T MEAN IF YOU’RE NOT READY – I CAN ACCEPT THAT! I MEAN IF YOU’RE NOT SURE YOU WANT TO DO IT WITH ME! YOU HAD A REASON LAST NIGHT – I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEAN ABOUT SARAH AND MAZ! YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID! : ) I’LL BE HONEST AND SAY I WAS EXPECTING A DIFFERENT RESPONSE BUT WHEN YOU’RE ON THE SPOT LIKE THAT IT’S DIFFERENT… ISN’T IT? xJx”.

I then said something about him possibly getting sick of me but he said, “HAH – HINDSIGHT’S A GREAT THING! I WILL NEVER GET SICK OF YOU! WE HAVE FUN TOGETHER AND WE LOVE EACH OTHER – YOU’RE SO GOOD FOR ME! I WOULDN’T REALLY HAVE WANTED TO DO IT BEFORE EITHER SO I HAVEN’T REALLY BEEN PATIENT! I LOVE YOU!!! : ) xJx”.

I can’t remember what was said after that but later, Jake said, “I WANT TO MAKE LOVE TO YOU BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! NOT BECAUSE WE ARE 2 YOUNG PEOPLE WHO HAVE GOT NOTHING BETTER TO DO ON A FRI DOWN A DARK LANE! : ) xJx”.

Ooh, I hate it when people call it “making love” or whatever! It makes me cringe cos I associate it with sleazy, American, perfect looking people! I don’t know why! [I can confirm that, 18 years later, it still made me thoroughly cringe and make vomit-y noises as I typed that.]

Bye!