Let’s way up the pros and cons – 20th August 1999

Friday 20th I had a phone call from Gethin Turner this morning asking if I wanted to go bowling with him, Anthony, Emma and Keira. I couldn’t really go because I was going with Mum and Abby to see Grandma S in the afternoon. When I first picked up the phone and heard a lad’s voice, I thought it was Duncan but then realise the voice did not have a Scottish accent. Then I thought it was this lad called Adam from Stoke on Trent who I used to talk to on the internet. Then the voice said its name was Gethin. To be honest, I was a bit disappointed!

This afternoon we took Grandma on a trip to Tesco to try and make her buy some food because she hardly has any in at home and most of that went off in about 1992. Grandma gave Abby and I £21 each so we bought the Now 43 album which contains Better Off Alone (sob, sob!!). Duncan’s got that album and so has Rhian so the whole lot kind of has a Wick feel to it!

This evening I ended up at the Sports Club (groan, yawn!!) with Hayley and Milla Green. Gethin turned up later with The Brownies (a sad group of lads and one very sad girl who are actually Venture Scouts, whatever they are, but we think our title suits them much better!) and came over to talk to us. He said he didn’t go bowling in the end but he thinks the others did.

Then he started talking about last night. Milla sat in silence but Hayley went all moody and started going on about how she was never invited to “Swing Band get-togethers”. Gethin pointed out that she’s not actually in Swing Band but, other than last night and only because it was a last-minute thing, I always ask her along. She got over it eventually when they began reminiscing about primary school but no doubt she had a good one-way bitching session to Milla about me after I’d gone.

I’ve got a decision to make about tomorrow night. Hayley wants me to go to The Plough with her but Keira wants me to go to her brother’s party. Let’s way up the pros and cons.

The Plough
If I go there with Hayley, I’ll feel less guilt because she asked me first and she’s meant to be my best mate so I shouldn’t really dump her like that.

Although, there’s no guarantee she’ll even be going because her sister (who’s about 30, may I just add – not a good image!) is meant to be chaperoning (or however you spell it!) her with her husband but that’s only if she can find a babysitter. If she can’t find one, Hayley can’t go which means a night in front of the TV.

Also, Milla’ll probably go and it’s so awkward trying to make conversation. I suppose that means if I don’t go then Hayley wouldn’t be on her own.

If I decided to go to the party and not with Hayley, she’ll go in a major mood for weeks, tell everyone how two-faced I am (Her and Emma don’t get on. She and Emma, even!) and hold it against me forever.

Believe me, falling out with Hayley is more trouble than it’s worth.

Keira’s bro’s party
If I go there, I’ll feel guilty about Hayley but, at the same time, I’ll probably be having more fun than I would otherwise.

The things that are bothering me about this party are that it’s Robert’s, not Keira’s, so I don’t know how he’d feel about me turning up.

Also, I’m not really friends with him or his mates. In fact, I can’t stand most of those bitchy girls and self-obsessed lads who he’s mates with but I could just talk to Emma, Keira, Anthony etc.

Gethin said he’s not going so that’s one person down.

The thing that worried me about not going is that Emma and Keira will stop inviting me places if I keep turning them down. I’ve already done it once today and they might think I don’t want to go anywhere with them or that I’m really sad and just don’t want to go anywhere if I say I can’t go again.

Okay, I think I’m done with that. I’ll just have to see what happens tomorrow if anyone phones and decide when I’ve spoken to people.

BYE!

They’d probably find amusement in making me squirm! – 18th & 19th August 1999

Wednesday 18th I couldn’t stop crying last night because I was missing everyone so much in Wick. It’s horrible knowing it’s ages before I’ll see them all again. I just want Duncan to give my hand a comforting squeeze like he did when Melanie came over on Sunday night but I’m not going to get anything like that off him for a good few months.

I’m also worried that he won’t keep in touch. Abby was online tonight and Laura came on too but all they really chatted about was Ashley Ewart. We mailed Laura and told her to get Duncan to mail me but I’m not sure that he will and phoning’s too expensive and writing a letter takes time. We’ll see I suppose.

I went to see Hayley this afternoon. I told myself I wouldn’t go on and on about Scotland because she might have got jealous and gone all moody but I did… constantly. Surprisingly though, she didn’t seem to mind. I thought she might get on my nerves too because she was doing a bit before I went away but I actually found that I was quite glad to see her after all.

BYE!

Thursday 19th I went round to Hayley’s this afternoon to help her babysit her nieces. All we did was play Monopoly and we all lost to Hayley… badly! She bought Park Lane and Mayfair, put 3 houses on Park Lane and a hotel on Mayfair and we all landed on one of them on nearly every time round.

I also picked up my photographs while I was in the village. Some of them are from Belgium and some are from Wick. There are about 5 with Duncan on and he doesn’t look particularly nice on any of them.

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That doesn’t bother me because I know he looks a bit better in real life but I only showed Hayley a couple because she might not have been quite as jealous about me having a boyfriend if she’d seen what he looked like on some of the photos! Now I couldn’t have that, could I?!

Rhian phoned this evening. She said she’d not seen much of Duncan but she seemed to think I’d phoned him already because that’s what her mum told her. Great, so Auntie S knows. It’s going to be so embarrassing if she’s told my parents and then they ask me about it. I’ve actually got no idea how they’d react though. I suspect they’d probably find amusement in making me squirm!

I hope Duncan’s not getting too teased about it. He has my sympathy, having to live up there with half of Wick knowing about us. Most of them wouldn’t go out of their way not to embarrass him either!

I went to Keria’s tonight. Emma phoned me up and said she was already there and that Gethin Turner and Anthony Wiley were on their way and did I want to come. Nothing much interesting happened. We just sat there talking. By the sounds of it, nothing much interesting happened in their lives (unless they weren’t telling me some things) while I was away.

Oh, except that Maz P dumped Keira, he said because he was going on holiday but really he’s just gone off her. Gavin’s apparently madly in love with some girl called Ali but she fancies Maz. I think Nathan is still single. Oh yeah, but I’m not!

A Level results came out today. Only a week to go until I get my GCSE results. Ooh yey, can’t wait… NOT!!!

 

BYE!

Maybe it’s got something to do with the eclipse – 16th & 17th August 1999

Monday 16th I hate saying goodbye. It was awful when we had to leave this morning. I really struggled not to cry when I said goodbye to Auntie S and my cousins and Grandma L. I also kept thinking about how I wasn’t going to see Duncan for ages. Anything could happen between now and then too.

On the way out of Wick, we saw Dunny in blue overalls on a skateboard but he didn’t see us. I wanted to see Duncan as well but I didn’t get chance.

I really do like Duncan and it was horrible watching Wick get further into the distance knowing he was there and I wasn’t going back for ages.

I’m at the Royal Dunkeld Hotel now. I got a bit upset before but I managed to control myself before anyone saw me. I’m really missing him. I liked having someone to hold hands with, cuddle etc.

This holiday has been one of the best I’ve ever had. The bad thing was those girls but one of them even apologised. Maybe it’s got something to do with the eclipse.

Right, I’ll go and think about Duncan now so…

BYE!

Tuesday 17th I’m back at home now and it’s so boring. It’s way too quiet not having Tom and Minnie running round and squealing and I really want a cuddle off Duncan.

I keep remembering things like how Duncan said he nearly asked me out on Thursday just before we went home. Rhian and Abby said he looked like he was about to speak to me before we went that night. That must’ve been what he was going to say to me.

Also the ‘Strong’ song by Robbie Williams is going to remind me of Chin now because we met them for a second time on Wednesday night and he kept singing, “Are they real or are they fake? Oprah Winfrey, Ricki Lake” all the time we were there and it took ages before any of us realised he was referring to Rhian’s chest!

Another song that reminds me of that holiday is Bailamos by Enrique Iglesias off the Wild Wild West album because Rhian was constantly playing it.

I’ve been told that Ashley Ewart has done or is doing trials for Ross County because he’s meant to be really good at football. Abby’s quite please about this because I think she likes the image of being a footballer’s wife!

Oh yeah. Another thing I’ve remembered is that on Sunday night, Duncan and I were walking hand in hand down by the river and a car went past blasting out Better Off Alone. [I should’ve taken the song’s hint.] We both sort of commented on how good that tune is but I was thinking it was weird that out of all the songs in the world, it was that one playing as the car drove past us.

We saw Mrs P (an ex-headteacher of our primary school) and her husband at some service station today. She came over to chat and wished me luck with my exam results. It’s too late for luck though really. That’s another reason I why I didn’t want to come home – getting my exam results and going into 6th Form College at school.

I don’t want to do A Levels anymore, I want to do something different and interesting that I enjoy, not sitting behind a desk, stressing about more exams of which the results can affect your whole future. Then again, I really want to do Physiotherapy and I need A Levels for that.

Anyway, I really just don’t want to be home and back to bloody normal. I miss everyone way too much and I didn’t have as long with them as I usually do. Also I miss more people this year. I really want Duncan. I don’t think I can stand waiting until Christmas before I see him again. And everyone else for that matter.

BYE!

I was miles away, just thinking – 2nd August 1999

Monday 2nd It’s still really hot here but it’s been raining this evening. It went a bit stormy again this afternoon so I went and sat next door on the edge of the chapel field because now the crops have been chopped down, you can see right across the fields. Rosie can see now too so she came and sat with me. I could exactly where it was raining and in which direction it was going and I saw some of the lightning. The sky was all pink behind the dark grey clouds so it was obvious to see where the rain was heaviest.

I came inside when it started raining on me and when Mum came out with the camera and took a photo. She said it’s usually photos of me staring out to sea but instead this one will be of me staring out over the fields. She really made me jump. I was miles away, just thinking.

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I went to the next village again with Hayley tonight. She was a bit less annoying than last time. I think she felt a bit left out when she was with me and Milla because Milla has exciting stuff to tell about Australia and I had stuff to tell from Belgium and that week’s parties but she hadn’t done anything even slightly interesting.

We didn’t do much tonight either but she’s decided she wants to go to The Plough one Friday night. It can get really lively in there and it’s full of lads so it shocked me quite a bit when she suggested it. Then I found out that she’s only allowed to go if one of her older sisters or brother goes too!

BYE!

It’s brown and full of old people – 31st July 1999

Saturday 31st Okay, another new diary. Although I’ve not got much to write.

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[Borrrr-ing!]

I’ve not seen my friend Hayley Pearson for about 2 weeks because of the Swing Band tour in Belgium and then sleepovers and stuff so I thought it was about time I arranged to meet up with her somewhere before she got too paranoid and thought I was neglecting her. I ended up being dropped off at her house this evening so we could just wander round her village or something.

Milla Green was also at Hayley’s house. She’s recently come back from Australia… again. You see, she used to live elsewhere in England until her grandad won the National Lottery jackpot and then she moved and came to our school for a bit until they decided to move to Australia. They stayed over there for a while but then moved to Cornwall. They were there for a few months but moved back to Australia again. Now she’s come back and is moving to the other side of Warrington fairly soon.

I didn’t get this information out of Milla, mind you, because she doesn’t speak. Well, not much anyway. She’ll give the odd one syllable answer to a question or, if she’s in a really chatty mood, you might get a whole sentence out of her! I shouldn’t be skitting her really, she’s just so painfully shy.

Anyway, I got to Hayley’s and we decided to go from her house and have a wander round to see if anyone was about. Nobody was. This meant we ended up back at the Sports Club. It has got to be one of the most boring places on Earth. It’s brown and full of old people but Hayley almost lives there.

After about half an hour of pure boredom, I managed to drag the other two out for another walk. This time we went down Aire Road, I think it is, in search of this lad who’s either called Dean or Aiden (he’s got a brother who’s either called Dean or Aiden as well, you see) who is particularly nice looking. Hayley pointed out the house which is sort of pebble-dashed and on first sight looks like a bungalow.

I then tried to get her to show me where another nice lad called Ste Rollinson (or Rolly as he’s more commonly known – very original!) lives but it’s on another estate so Hayley wouldn’t go round there because she thinks it’s rough so she was too scared. She’s so scared of anything that’s remotely risky or out of her village, by the way.

Yet again we ended up back at that bloody Sports Club. I got my mum to come and pick me up in the end because I knew I’d have more fun here at home, on my own may I just add.

Hayley’s not very pleased with me at the moment. She hasn’t actually said anything but I can tell. I think it’s because I’ve been to all these get-togethers with more lively and slightly less agoraphobic friends. I did ask her if she wanted to come but, of course, she said no because what if she didn’t get enough sleep or someone she didn’t get on with was there or if she couldn’t get a lift or anything else daft like that which most other people don’t tend to bother about when they’re partying and actually having that thing called fun???!!

Sorry, I shouldn’t be saying things like that about a so-called friend. I could continue though but I won’t because once I really get started on how much Hayley can annoy people, there’ll be no stopping me!

Emma Thornley, another one of my mates (Hayley really doesn’t like her but I think it’s just jealousy for various reasons), hasn’t phoned today. I think she is probably going back out with this lad called Gavin Bilson from Appleton. I thought she might have phoned to let me know how their date went last night but she hasn’t.

It’s looking like Keira Osborne is also now going out with Maz P too so my social life has probably just died again seeing as it was Keira and Emma who I’ve seen most of over the last couple of weeks. Never mind, hey?!

BYE!

A lad would be quite nice to have – 30th July 1999

Friday 30th I stayed over at Emma’s house last night. It was her birthday so she had a bit of a get-together with me, Keira, Davis, Heidi Warner, Stuart Hobbs, Brian Short, Isaac McFarlane, Ed, Dougie and Anthony Wiley.

It was alright I suppose but Keira and Emma were organising a double date between Emma + Gavin and Maz P + Keira. I felt a bit left out to tell you the truth and I think they picked up on that and started saying how they should get Nathan to come along with me.

Yeah right, like that’d ever happen! Anyway, apparently he’s obsessed with some girl called Sarah so that makes things even less likely to happen between me and him.

I shouldn’t be complaining really. My social life seems to have picked up a bit since a few weeks ago and that’s better than nothing. Although a lad would be quite nice to have as well. Everyone else seems to have got one. Never mind, hey?!

Tonight I went to the cinema to see ‘Austin Powers The Spy Who Shagged Me’ with Freda, Lizzie and Cat. The film was quite good and we got some attention from lads, although it was only a few glances.

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Freda phoned Charlie Wilson from her mobile and left 2 messages on the answering machine pretending to be Cat. One saying hi then bye, the other leaving Cat’s phone number. She phoned again later, telling him to go online tonight coz he’s on AOL too so they could talk. He said he’d be there at about 11:00 pm. The others are staying the night at Freda’s but I came home coz I can’t be doing with yet another sleepless night this week!

BYE!

P.S. For more information on my life, please see my next diary. Actually, please don’t. You shouldn’t even be reading this one unless you’re me or I’m dead. Anyway, it should be a purple Paperchase one.

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The smell was lovely and so was the man – 24th-26th July 1999

Saturday 24th We went to Bruges. It is absolutely gorgeous there. All the buildings are really old and there are canals and horses and cobbled streets. We visited a chocolate factory. The smell was lovely and so was the man giving us the talk! [Here he is…]

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We went on a boat trip round the canal on which most people fell asleep! We then got to walk round where we wanted so we did.

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That evening, Charlie Wilson seemed determined to get with Emma but she was determined not to let him! She really didn’t trust herself so she kept telling me to keep him away. I managed to keep sitting between them and stuff which she appreciated but he didn’t!

I ended up feeling really sorry for him and I apologised and ended up in a deep and meaningful, heart to heart conversation about why she wasn’t interested and things like that. I didn’t mind telling him but other people began to get suspicious as to why he wanted to be alone with me outside in the dark or in another corner of the room!

BYE!

Sunday 25th Travelled back to England. The journey to Calais seemed fast and I bought a big bottle of Bacardi at the cash and carry. It was cheap, okay?!!

The ferry crossing was really calm and hot which was good. On a stop at a service station, Emma and I were sat by the emergency exit and as Charlie was getting out, she complained he tickled her foot. Well, on his way back on he did the same to my ankle. I didn’t mention it!

When we finally arrived back, I said my goodbyes to everyone and they all said they’d keep in touch but I don’t expect it to be honest.

BYE!

Monday 26th Hayley’s phoned me 3 times today. I filled her in on stuff and she told me what I’d missed which wasn’t much. She told me she’d collected glasses in the Sports Club and had spoken to Ste Rollinson and she now knows where he lives coz she saw him in the garden or summit. She also told me that Milla Green (lottery jackpot winner’s granddaughter) is moving back from Australia to Warrington.

I have a bit of a dilemma now. I told Hayley I’d go with her so she can show me where Ste lives tomorrow maybe but then Emma rang before (which I really didn’t expect) saying that Gethin had just phoned and was going round at 1:30pm tomorrow and she wants me to go. I was the 1st person she phoned which I was pleased about and she was phoning the rest later. I dunno what I’ll tell Hayley though coz she’s bound to ring here.

I’d rather go to Emma’s, you see, and Hayley’ll be deeply suspicious that I’m going to leave her out and be best mates with Emma again. I don’t want to do that to her so she has no reason to think it but she will. I’d lie but if she found out it’d make matters worse.

This could just be a one off and Emma’ll get sick of me again once Suzanna comes back off her hols and Emma’s parents get home from theirs but I don’t want to miss anything. I just feel so guilty about Hayley coz whatever I say, she’ll think the worst. She just won’t trust me.

BYE!