I’m way too sweet and innocent!! – 29th & 30th March 2000

Wednesday 29th I didn’t see much of Jake during college today cos he took Hayley, Floyd and Freda to McDonald’s at lunchtime. I was asked but I didn’t have enough money. I didn’t think they’d sit in though. He hung around with me after college though but I still had to walk home!

All my mates went to Floyd’s tonight but it was my kickboxing grading so I couldn’t go. I go a nice message off Jake (he wasn’t there either) saying, “HELLO!! : ) I HOPE YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO WAIT LONG!? HAVE A GOOD TIME BEATING YOUR SIS UP AT KICKBOXING!! LOVE YOU TO BITS : ) JAKE xxxxx”. Yet again, the ending was the best part!

I passed the grading and I am now a yellow belt. The bloke who was grading us is so stretchy! He was doing box splits right down and then stretching forward. It wasn’t that nice to look at – too painful!

Bye!

Thursday 30th It was really sunny today so we all abandoned the common room and sat on the school field this afternoon. Jake came down last lesson. We stayed on our own after college for a while when everyone else had gone and just talked. We should’ve taken the opportunity to have a good kiss but we didn’t for some reason. Freda and Julian yelled, “That wasn’t much of a goodbye kiss!” as we were leaving and just kissed quickly on the lips.

Apparently at Floyd’s last night, Gethin was commented on us too saying that he wished we’d just hurry up and shag and things like that. Sarah told him that Jake’s too shy to take it further. I’m not sure I want to do anything like that just yet anyway. I’m way too sweet and innocent!!

I can’t remember if I’ve written this before but Sarah told me that Jake bought my Valentine’s rose in Selfridges and apparently they’re really expensive in there.

Bye!

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It’s pretty unlikely that I’m pregnant – 28th March 2000

Tuesday 28th I’ve not been in a very happy mood today. There was more than one occasion when I just felt like crying.

Hayley was pissing me off because she was going on about Andy and his sad little friends (they keep doing anonymous calls to my phone) and then after she’d had a long chat with Georgia about it (which I’d kept out of cos I’m sick to the back teeth of hearing about him), she asked me if I was in a mood with her cos she’d spoken to Georgia and ignored me.

What annoyed me was the fact she thought I’d be as pathetic as her! She only thought I was in a mood cos that’s exactly how she’d have reacted if it was the other way round. In actual fact, I’m quite glad she’s found someone else to bore with the subject of Andy!!

Gethin was also pissing me off cos he was in a bitchy mood again. He tells you to stop being so miserable and if you weren’t being then that annoys you so it makes you seem like you’re miserable and makes him sound like he’s right. That’s what he was doing to me, although I was already miserable so he just made me worse! Follow?!

An extra little worry is that my period’s over a week late and that’s not very common for me. I mean, somehow I think it’s pretty unlikely that I’m pregnant seeing as I’ve not had sex or anything but I can’t tell Mum that I’m late cos all the teenage soap stars seem to be breeding at the moment so she’d only think the worst!! I hope it’s nothing serious.

Got a lift off Mum home after college and I saw Jake’s mum pick his sister up at the layby where I was stood. Her car’s a pinky-red VW Polo (for future reference). Jake’s still not said anything about her being ill and neither has anyone else so I’ve no idea what’s going on.

Skiing stuff keeps coming on TV. That reminds me of Jake going to Canada. I don’t want to (and can’t) stop him going but I can’t bear the thought of him leaving. I also really want to go skiing myself!

Bye!

Sad cow!! – 27th March 2000

Monday 27th Went to the Trafford Centre tonight with Mum, Abby and Sarah in search of a pair of jeans and a jacket for the summer. I only got jeans though from Gap.

Sarah and I went in French Connection and as soon as we walked in she told me to sniff. I did and I could smell Jake so we were smelling all the fragrances to see which one it was. It was a FCUK once but I don’t know which. I’ve sprayed it on my wrists and can’t stop sniffing it now. I’m not sure that’s what he wears but it smells like it. Mmm!

Hayley embarrassed me in front of Jake after college by telling him that every time we were talking about Andy on Saturday, I kept saying Canada instead of Germany. What really annoyed me though was when I mentioned Sarah wanting to come to Valkenburg with Swing Band if Emma’s parents won’t let her go (because of her tongue piercing), and Hayley started going on about how she doesn’t want Sarah to go because we’ll all come back and go on about it in front of her like we always do cos she can’t go.

Bollocks! That is so selfish! If she was going and Sarah wasn’t, she wouldn’t think twice about “going on about it”. Mind you, Hayley wouldn’t come in the first place cos I don’t think she ever leaves the Warrington area without her WHOLE family. Sad cow!!

Jake said it’s pretty definite he’ll join us on the Swing Band trip. Yeah!!

Bye!

I hope he’s not been all the way before – 17th March 2000

Friday 17th I got my skiing photos back today. Some of them were quite good including one of Fit Alex. I took some around college too so I could finish off the film and I’ve got 2 of Jake. When my mum was looking through them, she guessed who he was and kept saying stuff like, “Ooh, he’s very nice!” and making me cringe. Then she told me he’s got a look of her first boyfriend. That’s just weird!

Sarah, Gethin, Hayley, Jake and I all went round to Floyd’s tonight. It was quite good but Jake didn’t get as drunk as I hoped he would! I wanted to him to because I wanted to question him on stuff such as how many girlfriends he’s had and how far he’s been with girls. I hope he’s not been all the way before but I suspect that maybe he has because, last Friday in The Coach, he was talking about someone and said how a “certain ex” of his was virtually a nymphomaniac. Then last night we were saying how tearing labels off bottles and crunching ice is a sign of sexual frustration and Jake said he used to do both. Before what??

But then, I also remembered on the night he brought Hugo Pratt out, Hugo was teasing him and made a comment about him being a virgin and Jake got all embarrassed looking and told Hugo to shut up. The thing is, he was only messing and Hugo also keeps saying things about Lara Beale (Jake’s ex) and the back of Jake’s car. Can’t be good!

I actually phoned Hugo tonight but only let it ring once and he rang me back later and Jake didn’t want me to talk to him and was saying to hang up, especially when I asked Hugo if he knew any of Jake’s deep, dark secrets and stuff. He either thought Hugo was going to lie to me or there is actually something he could’ve told me. I just can’t bring myself to ask Jake straight out!!

Anyway, all we really did at Floyd’s was sit about, talk and watch TV but Jake was always leaning on me or cuddling up to me and holding my hand or with his hand on my leg or stomach. It was really nice. We went for a walk with Gethin and Hayley and Sarah at one point which is when we snogged. Mmm!

When we got back, that’s when I was threatening to phone Hugo and Jake started fighting me for my phone! He also wouldn’t let the cat sit on me. Every time I sat forward to pick it up, he pulled me back onto the sofa and held me there. Don’t know why actually. Maybe he didn’t want to compete with a cat for my attention!!

He told me that he’d going away for a month in the summer with some of his mates around Europe and he wanted to know when I’m going to Holland with Swing Band cos Charlie Wilson is going with him but also has to come to Holland so Jake says he might come and stay there with us when they take Charlie. Cool! I hope that happens.

We got onto the subject of London and he was saying how there are really good clubs there. It suddenly dawned on me that I don’t know what he got up to when he used to go out either. He’s gorgeous, right, so he’s not going to have been ignored by girls. I suppose it shouldn’t really matter what he’s done in the past but I can’t help but wonder what it is!

I told him what my mum said about his photo and then he said that his dad saw the one Robbie took of me in Pra Loup and apparently said, “Oh, she’s nice, isn’t she?” Both his dad and my mum seemed shocked that we’re not grotesquely ugly or something!

Bye!

Jake was stood in college, totally naked, waiting for me! – 14th March 2000

Tuesday 14th I didn’t go to college today or yesterday. I feel better today but I’m still bloody deaf!!

Didn’t have many messages today while everyone was in college except this one from Jake’s phone: “HI TESS I WANT U SO MUCH. I WANT 2 CUM ALL OVER YOUR TITS WHILE MY MUM VIDEOTAPES IT. LOVE JAKEY T AND HIS BITS.”

I knew it wasn’t from him but I had 3 missed calls and then a message on my answer service from Julian Olsen saying that Jake was stood in college, totally naked, waiting for me! Then he apologised for sending the dirty text message.

Later this evening I sent Jake a message asking if it was him that’d been trying to call me. He replied saying, “NO – JULIAN + FREDA NICKED MY PHONE + SENT A HORRIBLE MSG TO YOU – I MADE HIM RING YOU TO APOLOGISE! HOW R U FEELING? MANAGED TO DO ANY H’WORK? LOADS OF LOVE xxx”.

I sent him one saying I was feeling better and I’m coming in tomorrow and I did get some homework done, and he sent me another saying, “OK : ) SEE YOU 2MORROW – PEOPLE R BEGINNING TO THINK I’VE ABDUCTED YOU OR SOMETHING – FLOYD EVEN OFFERED TO PRETEND TO BE YOU FOR ME – HELP!! LOVE YOU J xxxxx”.

Oh, he’s so nice! How did I manage to get him??!

I spoke to Sarah before and she said Jake’s been in the common room with them all day even though I wasn’t there. She’s decided he’s got no friends!

Abby said that, last lesson, she’d been going past college and Niall was at the window trying to say something to her. Freda had been there too so I texted her to see what was going on and apparently Niall was trying to get Jake to talk to his future sister-in-law!

Bye!

VODKA + PILLS! – 11th & 12th March 2000

Saturday 11th My temperature came back again today. I’ve been either boiling or freezing all day and I had a really bad headache.

I’m not pissed off about the Jake thing anymore after the message I got from him this morning. He said, “HI, ARE YOU OK? YOU WERE VERY QUIET LAST NIGHT? IF THERE WAS SOMETHING UP YOU WOULD TELL ME WOULDN’T YOU? DON’T EVER WANT TO LOSE YOU! LOVE YOU LOTS : ) xxx”. I sent him one back saying, “I WASN’T FEELING 2 GREAT AGAIN. I HAD A REALLY BAD HEADACHE + I’VE STILL GOT IT NOW. YOU’RE NOT GONNA LOSE ME… LOVE U WAY 2 MUCH!! SORRY IF I WORRIED U. LOVE TESS x”.

I should just be glad he’s not trying to push me into things I don’t want to do, shouldn’t I? He’s so lovely and I still can’t believe it’s me he actually likes! He doesn’t deserve for me to be pissed off with him which is why I’m not anymore.

I got another message from him saying, “IT’S OK, I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY! IT WAS PROBABLY THE CONCOCTION OF VODKA + PILLS! HOPE IT GOES AWAY SOON ; ) LOADS OF LOVE JAKE xxxxx”. Actually, the vodka probably didn’t help but I made sure I hadn’t taken any drugs to go with it [I was just talking aspirin or paracetamol here!] – I’d probably have ended up in a coma or something!

Bye!

Sunday 12th Still ill. I’m fed up of this now! I’ve been dizzy all day, still going hot and cold and I’m still bloody deaf!! How long is this going to last??

I had a strange dream last night about my sister stalking the band Hanson in a Topshop shop in Paris. I then woke up worrying about Jake going to Canada and meeting other girls (3 months is quite a while!) and then deciding to stay there longer.

I think Hanson triggered it off because their new song ‘If Only’ (or something) reminds me of Jake. I think it’s because there are mountains in the video which I link to skiing and therefore Jake! I keep thinking it’s ages away until he leaves and that anything could happen between now and then but time seems to be going really quickly.

I’ve had some reassuring messages off him today though. I sent the first one telling him I might not be in college again tomorrow and asking what he thought was up with me on Friday night. He replied, “I DON’T KNOW YOU SEEMED TO BE QUIETER THAN NORMAL? YOU’VE BEEN ILL FOR A WHILE – HOPE YOU’RE BETTER SOON ; ) LOVE YOU LOADS JAKE xxxxx”.

I sent him another apologising for Friday and I got 2 back saying, “YOU FEEL AWFUL! I GAVE YOU THE VIRUS IN THE FIRST PLACE – I FEEL AWFUL! ANYWAY I’M JUST PARANOID – IT’S TAKEN ALL THIS TIME FOR US TO GET TOGETHER…….” and then, “I JUST DON’T WANT ANYTHING TO COME BETWEEN US – I DON’T LIKE TO SEE YOU UNHAPPY COS YOU’VE GOT A GREAT SMILE! ; ) SORRY IF I WORRIED YOU! LOVE YOU ; ) xxxxx”.

I sent him one back but I’ve not had a reply. I put, “THERE’S NOTHING 2 COME BETWEEN US! I’M STILL IN SHOCK THAT WE DID GET TOGETHER – BUT A GOOD SORT OF SHOCK!! I’M GLAD U GET PARANOID INSTEAD OF NOT CARING! LOVE YOU xxx”.

He’s not the only one that gets paranoid though! I’ve been worrying that I’ve said something wrong in that text which is why he’s not replied but hopefully it’s just cos I didn’t ask any questions or something.

Bye!

We were all over each other! – 6th March 2000

Monday 6th I had a day off college again today which I didn’t like doing but had to because my face and ears were so sore this morning. I’m still deaf on one side as well and I’m getting sick of it! Mum’s making a doctor’s appointment for me tomorrow morning. 😦

Woke up to 2 texts. One was from Sarah asking where I was and the other was from Floyd asking the same thing and pointing out that I couldn’t be “fucking Jake” because he was in college. Floyd’s message annoyed me. I did not need to wake up to that.

I sent Jake a message at lunch asking if anything was happening. His reply said, “NO NOT MUCH HAPPENING! I FEEL REALLY GUILTY FOR GIVING YOU THAT HORRIBLE COLD! I HOPE U HAVEN’T TOLD YOUR MUM I GAVE IT TO U! WHAT DID THE DOC SAY? LOVE YOU LOADS xxx”.

I sent him one back explaining that I didn’t go to the doctor and that he shouldn’t feel guilty because I knew he’d been ill and I should’ve controlled myself at Brian’s. He texted me back saying, “YEH WELL, I’M GLAD YOU DIDN’T – IT WAS A GOOD NIGHT! JUST FOUND OUT THAT FREDA’S HAVING A BIG PARTY IN THE SUMMER – HER PARENTS R GOING AWAY FOR A WEEKEND ; ) BYE BYE xx”. Good, I need a party! Shame it’s not a bit sooner though.

When Abby got in from school she told me that Jacqueline had been talking Samantha Beck again and Sam’d said that, even though Jake and I haven’t been together for ages, we look really close – like we’ve been together for ages. She also said that when she turned round at one point, we were all over each other! That must’ve been the same time as Hayley and her brother sneaked off!

Jake’s actually made me a bit wary of what I say and do now because he says there’s a few of them in his year, including Samantha, who have a free periods at the same time and they discuss everything. Oh dear! Mind you, I might discuss stuff with my mates about him too, depending on what it was.

Bye!