Monday 20th The subject of 5 came up between me and Jake again tonight. Neither of us want to wait much longer but we don’t seem to believe each other when we say we’re sure.
For example, I got a message saying, “YOU SAID THAT YOU THOUGHT I DON’T WANT TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT – THAT I’D RATHER WAIT! WELL, I DON’T WANT TO WAIT! : ( IF YOU DON’T WANT ANYTHING TO HAPPEN THEN YOU SHOULD TELL ME! I’LL UNDERSTAND IF YOU’RE WORRIED OR WHATEVER! I REALLY CAN’T WAIT! xJx”.
P.S. I’ve just got another message from Jake saying, “OF COURSE I AM! YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT I BOTTLE THINGS UP! I NEVER REALLY ADMIT TO STUFF LIKE BEING WORRIED! REMEMBER AT HAYLEY’S SISTER’S? YOU COULD HAVE SAVED ME A LOT OF WORRYING BY LETTING ME KNOW NOTHING COULD HAPPEN – EVEN IF WE WANTED TO! WHY DO YOU THINK I WOULDN’T LET YOU LOOK IN MY BAG! I FELT SO STUPID! OK SO WE WOULDN’T BE IN AS MUCH OF A HURRY IF I WASN’T FOR ME LEAVING BUT BY ANYONE’S STANDARDS WE’VE BEEN VERY SLOW! WE SHOULD HAVE DONE IT BEFORE NOW – REGARDLESS OF ME GOING ANYWHERE! LOVE xJx”.
I feel really guilty about Hayley’s sister’s now!
Wednesday 22nd Kickboxing was really good tonight and the instructor said to me, “Good girl! At least one of you knows what you’re doing!” and then later, “That was very good! How come you’re better than the rest of them?!”
Monday 27th Other than my hand still being numb, I discovered a lump on my back last Thursday. What now?!
Jake, Abby, Connor and I all went to Chester Zoo today cos college had an inset day and we had nowt to do. It was really good! There were baby orangutans and a baby elephant but we all agreed the meerkats were the best!
When we got home, Jake told me I’m gorgeous and that the gap in my teeth is sexy! I think not!
P.S. I had a message from Jake saying, “DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORST THING ABOUT THIS IS? WHEN I GET BACK IT’S GOING TO BE DIFFERENT THAN IT IS NOW! EVERY TIME I THINK ABOUT IT IT JUST CUTS ME UP! I LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH! I DON’T WANT TO LOSE YOU, EVER! xJx”.
Tuesday 28th I did the pub quiz at The Coach and Horses with Hayley, Sarah, Georgia and Floyd. Big Paul does it and it’s crap! Just cos he’s got a microphone, he think he’s God!
Wednesday 29th Kickboxing was good again. Dave (the instructor) tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Not bad! But then you’re the best one of the quartet!” The quartet is me, Abby, Evie and Debbie F.
Thursday 30th I was sooo pleased this morning because I went to check the UCAS website to see if they’d put my Leeds offer up (they want B, C and C) and I looked and it said I had 2 conditional offers from Huddersfield, both for 14 points! That’s where I really want to go, partly because Jake’s going there (he wants me to as well) so I went to phone him straight away.
My good mood went away pretty quickly because nobody seemed all that pleased for me. I thought they knew how much I want to go there.