Feeling our faces with their hands – 23rd July 2000

Monday 23rd Well, it’s the last full day today. Normally I’d be upset to be leaving but this year I’m not.

We all spent the day at Phantasialand theme park which was quite good. It wasn’t huge but it had some good rides, including a runaway mine train thing. When we were in the dark bit, Gethin and Denny scared me and Cat by repeating what a waiter had done to Lizzie in Cyprus, saying, “Oooh my lurve!” and feeling our faces with their hands. Scary!

There was one flight simulator type ride which was awful. It wasn’t frightening or anything, it just made everyone extremely travel sick!

The day started off really hot but then went cooler and started pouring with rain just as I chickened out of a ride and had to stand outside. It was a big “Mystery Castle” except it wasn’t a mystery at all cos there was a big tower on it which made it obvious they were going to drop you from a great height! I went in the queue but then changed my mind and the young guy working there showed me the way out. Before he went, he asked me how old I was and where I was from and then said, “You are a very nice girl”. Strange. Maybe he was practicing his English!

We had a barbecue at the hostel tonight but I felt extremely travel sick for the 2nd time today because the coach driver got lost and we ended up on a really windy road, so I didn’t eat anything.

The teachers also gave out certificates to everyone cos it was the last night. I got one for “Photographic Modelling” because of what happened at the 1st concert when the old woman was taking photos and I got the giggles. Mr P presented it to me and I hesitated in shaking his hand. Apparently everyone noticed but then most people know about what he said to me. Bastard!

We all got pissed AGAIN tonight and it resulted in Denny, Gethin and Daniel dressing up in my clothes and applying Cat’s make up. It was all a very disturbing experience for those of us who witnessed them posing around our room!

I went into Gethin’s room later and discovered Denny asleep so I decided to get revenge for him taking awful photos of me all holiday. I got Lizzie’s purple nail varnish and drew lovely patterns on his face with it and took a photo. Hee hee!

We knew he’d noticed only when he got up to go to the loo and screamed as he saw his face in the mirror. He did managed to get it off though….. eventually!


Dogs and spandex and cheese-eating elephants – 22nd July 2000

Sunday 22nd As soon as I went down for breakfast this morning, Mr P started saying stuff to his brother about me really deliberately loudly, like, “Ooh, watch out! Tessa is here!” Tosser! I was still incredibly angry with him after his comments last night so I had to go up to my room cos I didn’t want him to see me get upset again.

We had loads of time before setting off for the concert so that have me time to calm down and shoot a few evil glances in the direction of the most annoying teachers!

The concert was in a place called Bad Bertrich and it was way too hot. We were allowed to wear shorts instead of black trousers with our yellow t-shirts to keep us a bit cooler. It didn’t really help that much though cos we weren’t under any cover at all. We could feel ourselves cooking and our instruments melting as we played!

This evening, they took us on the coach to some town so we could eat pizza and drink in a variety of bars instead of just the one at the hostel. I hung round with Cat, Lizzie, Isaac and Denny. To start with, we went for a pizza and Denny nearly burned the place down by sticking a napkin in the candle flame then trying to blow it out but instead blew it onto Isaac’s lap! We managed to extinguish the flame before too much damage was caused!

After the pizza we let the drinking commence and had many interesting conversations with additions from Denny about dogs and spandex and cheese-eating elephants. Hmmm. We were all pissed but it was a nice, happy, giggly, singing sort of pissed.

Due to the alcohol, 3 songs have emerged which will forever remind us of this holiday. These are:

Help! I’m A Fish by the Little Trees

The theme tune from Maid Marian And Her Merry Men off CBBC

I Wanna Fuck A Dog In The Ass by Blink 182

When we got back to the hostel, we made use of the bar there. I had much fun sat on the table next to the teachers, drinking wine and composing and singing our own lyrics to the tune of the Maid Marian song. The song was written with Mr P in mind, by the way. Not that he got to hear it cos every time I began to sing, Cat and Gethin clapped their hands over my mouth. There’s also various other crap written on the bag, all of which makes no sense to me now but perhaps did at the time!

I’ll rewrite the song in here. It goes:
(*I’ll include the variations)

Why don’t you stick your head
Up Mr P-R’s/your brother’s arse
Why don’t you just admit
That you are really shit
*Why don’t you fuck your mum
With children’s bubble gum
Ohh music man
Ohh music man

*Why don’t you feed your mum
With lots of Pedigree Chum… etc.

Just to explain, the part about children’s bubble gum came about because of this:

When it had the gum in it, it looked a bit like a packet with a condom in it and in the song we were suggesting that MR P would have to use children’s size protection due to the small size of his penis. Get it?! Ok, I know it’s all a bit sick but we were pissed.

Also, on the back of the bag is Denny’s insult of the holiday. It goes you dodgy, dirty, fat, German, ming, mama, cheesy, dog fucker.

Anyway, later on this evening, Cat and Lizzie fell out for some reason. People also found it amusing when Lizzie was leaning on Daniel and he said, “I’m not a fucking pillow, you know!” So, because Lizzie and Cat were upset, Mrs P-Y and Miss M came to our room to see if they were ok but ended up talking to me about Mr P and Mr P-R. They were being really nice about it (must have been the alcohol!) and were saying how the men were out of line and that if it was any consolation, they’d been mean to Miss M too. That did make me feel a bit better actually!


Rumours of a threesome – 21st July 2000

Saturday 21st 

Ok, I will now continue with writing down what’s happening on this Germany trip I’m on with Swing Band. Unfortunately, not all of today was quite as good as it could’ve been.

This morning we went to Trier to do a concert in the town. It was another very nice place but the concert wasn’t quite as good as the one we did at Enkirch yesterday.

People weren’t sat down so we were just playing as people walked by. I also forgot to put my black shoes on so I got called a “dozy bugger” by Mr P for wearing my trainers instead. I was in a rush!

At lunchtime we had our most nutritious meal yet….. a Big Mac Meal at McDonald’s! I kept the thing lining my tray as a memory of my most needed McDonald’s meal ever!

We had a quick look round the shops and I saw 2 Scottie dogs, like our dog Mollie, walking round too.

This afternoon we went to the Wild & Erlebnispark in Daun to do summer tobogganing down this metal run thing.

I quite enjoyed it but I realised how dangerous it could be when I heard how many people had fallen off it. Emma was one of them and she flew off and knocked some teeth out on a concrete step. The rest of her was ok but she had to go to a dentist who glued them in place temporarily. It’s a bit of a mess but she can get it sorted properly at home.

We could do what we wanted the evening back at the hostel in Traben-Trarbach so most of us chose the bar option. Most people ended up getting a bit pissed but the teachers were worse than anyone else which isn’t a good idea on a school trip really, I don’t think!

Lizzie and I were kept busy by Daniel’s t-shirt which had velcro and lots of letters so we were arranging them into various different phrases. However, Lizzie and Daniel ended up snogging on Cat’s bed while I was there so rumours of a threesome soon started. We went along with them cos we thought it was funny until Mrs P-Y chucked Daniel out of our room.

Cat then came up to the room and found Daniel’s trainers under her bed so she yelled at Lizzie and locked herself in the bathroom. I was desperate for the loo so I decided to use the ones downstairs but when I opened the door, I was greeted by four teachers. I explained that I was just going to the toilet and I’d be back in a minute but Mrs P-Y and Mr P-R yelled at me to get back in my room.

Mr P-R then muttered something snidey and when I asked him what he said, he just yelled again so I yelled back, “Fine! Piss off then!!” That’s probably not the most sensible thing I’ve ever done but he’s a knob and I really can’t stand him cos he’s just so full of himself.

After 5 minutes, I was on the verge of wetting myself as Cat was still in the bathroom. I decided I was going to go to the loos downstairs whether the teachers liked it or not. They told me to get back in my room and as I glared at Mr P-R, he said in a really stupid way, “Don’t even look at me!” so I told him to piss off again. I marched past Mr P and his brother and into the toilets.

On my way back to my room, Mr P said, “What’s the matter, Tess?”. I told him there was nothing wrong and he said I should apologise to Mr P-R. I flatly refused and Mr P, totally out of the blue, started saying how my boyfriend came on the trip last year and they didn’t get one word of thanks and things like that. Yes they did! Fuckers!!

That totally upset me so I went back to my room and told the others. They all think it’s totally out of order as well. I am sooooo annoyed with those bloody teachers now!


Making kissing noises and telling me to come to bed – 20th July 2000

Friday 20th I was much less tired today which was good cos I didn’t really want to fall asleep in the swimming pool!

Swimming ticket with a picture of the castle on the back:

The pool we went to was okay but after 30 mins or so, I got a bit bored cos there weren’t many slides and the jacuzzi was full of teachers. The wave machine was the best bit, except when I got stuck in the deep end in the middle when it first came on. That was a bit scary!

Afterwards, we all went to the centre of Cochem to meet up with the people who went to visit the castle. There were a few stalls and I bought Jake’s presents there. I got him a yellow toy Beetle and a toy campervan to add to his collection on his windowsill.

This afternoon, after eating a very unfilling lunch of leftover chewy bread and cheese from breakfast, we all went wine tasting at Weingut Schlagkamp (what a name!). Wine label:

This old German guy gave us a tour of his wine cellars and told us about growing grapes and talked us into buying his wine after we tasted it. It was nice so Abby and I bought Mum a bottle. This is the list of the wines we could’ve tasted:

We went back to the hostel for another inedible tea and then got changed into our Swing Band stuff and went to do our first concert of the holiday at Enkirch. It was definitely the best concert we’ve done yet. It was some sort of wine festival and they had a wine queen and princess (or something!) giving speeches. Daniel Downes managed to put pegs on the back of their skirts while they were talking which we all found quite amusing. We always have pegs with us in case we have to play outdoors, to stop the music sheets blowing away.

The concert was so good because the sound was brilliant, we had quite a big audience who gradually got pissed and started dancing, and we were all allowed as much free wine/beer as we wanted from the bar!

I got the giggles reeeally badly half way through because there was an old woman taking photos and she came right up close to me and I couldn’t keep a straight face. Denny, Lizzie and Gethin were laughing too which didn’t help and then Denny imitated her with my camera.

Mr P spotted me and also started laughing and had to explain to the rest of the band what was up with me!

I phoned Jake when I got back to the hostel. He was meant to be doing a pub crawl but then they got to Warburton Bridge, some lads pulled up in a car. Jake and the others legged it but Ali Kershaw got a bit battered so they all went back to his house to speak to the police. He’s okay apparently. Connor went and picked them all up.

While I was on the phone, Mr P came over and started making kissing noises and telling me to come to bed down the phone cos he knew it was Jake. Luckily, I don’t think Jake heard. Not that he wouldn’t have known it was Mr P.

Okay, I think I’m going to have to start a new diary…… See you there!


[I found our Germany trip leaflet in the back of the diary…]

A minging old jelly baby – 19th July 2000

Thursday 19th We spent most of today travelling before getting lost in Traben-Trarbach (the town in Germany where we’re staying) and eventually finding the youth hostel. The town’s really pretty but unfortunately the hostel’s extremely manky!

We had an unidentifiable meal as soon as we arrived and quite a few people made the mistake of putting yoghurt over their meal, thinking it was sauce!

There’s another school staying here who are leaving tomorrow and there are also some people who seem to have learning disabilities. They wander round so I don’t know who they’re with. One of them stands in the entrance and looks like he’s playing castanets.

We didn’t do much this evening. We got our rooms sorted out and unpacked a bit, got told all the hostel rules by Jessica our trip rep, and went to explore the bar and drink much of its contents!

[In the hostel bar with Gethin, Isaac, Denny & Lizzie]

The rules are that we’re not allowed food or drink in our rooms, we have to be in the hostel and quiet by 11pm, and we aren’t allowed to drink alcohol unless it’s from the bar there.

I’m sharing a room with Maeve, Lizzie and Cat. That was what I expected so it’s quite good. Some people have to share a bathroom between 8 of them so I’m glad I’m not in that room.

I’m very tired cos I got no sleep on the coach. However, I don’t really want to sleep in my bed for fear of finding nasty stuff in it. Maeve found make-up (still in its packets) in her bed and Lizzie found a minging old jelly baby. Yuck!


A long and boring journey – 16th & 18th July 2000

Monday 16th I went straight in to see Jake this morning and stayed in his bed for ages and did stuff until I realised my driving instructor was about to turn up. I managed to get ready in time and had quite a good lesson. I did 2 really good bay parks. I saw Jake again later and we just watched TV.


Wednesday 18th I saw Jake all day today and packed for leaving for the Swing Band trip to Germany tonight. I got a bit upset which was basically because I was reminded of his bloody Canada trip but also because we were talking and I realised that he’s involved with me but I’m not really involved with him. He knows all my friends and gets on with my family but the same can’t be said for me and his family and friends.

I said goodbye to Jake and went to school to meet the coach. Sarah, Andy and Floyd all came to wave us off which was nice. I ended up sat with Denny on the coach but I didn’t mind that. We set off on a long and boring journey eventually, after arranging to get another minibus for the instruments cos Club Europe fucked up for the 3rd year running and didn’t get us the trailer we needed or a coach with a tow bar. Duh!


Man-hunting every night – 15th July 2000

Sunday 15th Swing Band had to do a concert in the rain this afternoon at the Brooklyn Hotel in Bolton. There were also little girly Morris dancers too. It wasn’t much fun.

After the concert, I went straight to Gethin’s 18th birthday party. It was good but me and Jake fell out over something completely stupid again. When he arrived, all he did was hold my hand and then he paid more attention to Emma and the frog she’d caught. So, I just went a bit quiet but he thought I was ignoring him so he kept out of my way, therefore I thought he was ignoring me.

Everyone went to The Coach and Horses a but later and I made a comment about people being welcome to Jake if they still fancied him. I didn’t mean it. I was just pissed off. However, he heard me and walked out, telling Denny he was going home. I felt awful then but he wouldn’t answer his phone.

Denny was being all concerned that we were both okay and tried to catch up with him but failed. He was being really sweet!

Just as I was on the verge of tears, Michael and Sarah offered to catch up with him in the car. So off we went and found Jake just walking up towards the prison. I got out and we both apologised and hugged and he ended up staying in the spare room at my house.

During Gethin’s party, I was talking to Lizzie and she filled me in on the events in Cyprus. Floyd stayed in the apartment most of the time and Gethin was constantly ringing Nell. Karen and Lizzie however were off man-hunting every night and succeeded. The only snogged 6 people each but slept with 2 of them each. Karen had a really fit one called Costas and someone else, and Lizzie had Lazarus (the minging friend of Costas) and Harry, a 16 year old student from Berkshire. No doubt we’ll get all the details over and over and over again at various points from now on!


I don’t mime that often! – 12th to 14th July 2001

Thursday 12th I had to do concerts again today for the Year 6 induction days at school. Heidi Warner was being a bitch saying she’s the only flute that plays and things. Grrr!! I don’t mime that often!

I’ve finally sorted an HSBC account out. I’ve got a normal one and they can change it to a student account when I get my results.


Friday 13th I had to do the Swing Band Au Revoir concert at the British Legion tonight. It went well and everyone in my year got certificates and a photo of the band.

Suzanna was there and kept looking at Jake. Afterwards, Jake and I, Denny, Michael and his mate Sam all met up in The Coach and Horses. Sam was very southern and very loud but he seemed nice enough.

We all decided to go to the Trafford Centre cos Michael wanted to see Sarah, even though she’s told him to back off a bit. He saw her and the rest of us danced about in free wigs for 70s night in Prior’s. Jake and Denny got up on the dancefloor and were dancing together which worries me slightly! The also got asked if they had any ecstasy pills! They must have been dancing badly!


Saturday 14th Jake and I went to The Dog with Sarah and Michael tonight. It was quite good actually cos we just chatted. Sarah told me that Gethin had been gutted when Jake and I got together because he fancied us both!


Light-headed and ‘far away’ – 10th March 2001

Saturday 10th
3 weeks + 5 days to go!

I’ve been really tired today cos I couldn’t get to sleep last night and then I had to get up quite early cos I was going to Cheshire Oaks with Sarah today and they picked me up early.

I didn’t really buy much though when we got there. I just got the Wheatus album, a pair or sunglasses from Tog24 and a McDonald’s for lunch. Sarah didn’t find very much either. It was better than staying at home and doing my Geography homework though!

I had to do a Swing Band concert this evening at the Methodist church in the next village. It went quite well but dragged on for ages. It wasn’t just Swing Band, there were extra soloists and stuff in between our tunes. They were good but I was bored. Emma couldn’t go either cos she was working so I was sat on my own.

I kept feeling really funny this evening. It wasn’t a good sort of funny either. It could’ve been just cos I was hot and tired but I felt really light-headed and ‘far away’. Then every so often, I kept feeling like I was sort of drifting (like off to sleep or something) and I kept sort of jumping and snapped out of it. It was weird and I didn’t like it.

I’ve been doing that drifting then jumping thing when I’ve been trying to sleep at night too, along with thinking daft things like I was half awake but dreaming. I don’t like it when that happens cos it’s really strange. I have to totally wake myself up to stop it. Other people say they do that too though.

Unfortunately it’s snowed in Canada. 😦 I’ve not spoken to Jake today or yesterday cos he was doing his avalanche course thing and hasn’t had time to phone me. I don’t think he’ll come back early. It says in his email that he’s still considering it but I reckon he’s just trying to break it to me gently. 😦


Today’s emails →

10-03-01 Jake email10-03-01 Tess email

The shortarse cow! – 7th to 9th January 2001

Sunday 7th It was Jake’s dad’s birthday yesterday so Jake and I went to the Trafford Centre so he could get him a present!

He also bought Ronan Keating’s album cos he likes him (so do I) so he could record it onto minidisc and I could have the CD ‘til he comes home.

We also bought some keyrings that fit together but rather than a soppy heart or something, we got 2 bears on phones. They’re really nice. I think they’re those “Me to You” bears with the blue noses.

Me to You bear

[All that hoarding has come in (slightly) handy again.]


Monday 8th It was Presentation Evening at school tonight when they give out the A-Level and GCSE certificates so Jake was there. I had to go too cos Swing Band were playing. It was sooo boring (as always!) but the guest speaker (Mr Guest!) was worse than the usual ones they get in. His speech was complete crap and Emma and I were just sat in hysterics all the way through. I noticed a lot of people in the audience snigger and stuff too, included my dad who was totally taking the piss!

Everyone went to The Coach afterwards for a well needed drink and everyone out of Jake’s year who knows he’s going on Thursday started saying goodbye to him. It was awful! We both had a bit of a cry about it afterwards.


Tuesday 9th I’ve got one day left with Jake now before he leaves to go to Canada. It’s sooooo upsetting and we cried lots and lots when we saw each other.

That bitch of a teacher, Miss P, said that some deputy head will probably want a word with me and Emma about laughing last night! Hah, I think I’d have died of boredom otherwise! I bet she’s told him our names, the shortarse cow! (I REALLY don’t like her!)

When I saw Jake after college, we cried lots more cos we really don’t want to be split up. He told me it hurts a lot and he’s right!

Henry Rockwell told me other stuff that Hayley’s said about me. She said nastily, “We’ll all be seeing a lot more of Tessa now Jake is going!” and she overheard someone say that Jake wouldn’t touch Hayley with a barge pole but apparently she thinks I’ve manipulated him into thinking that! Twisted cow!