Light-headed and ‘far away’ – 10th March 2001

Saturday 10th
3 weeks + 5 days to go!

I’ve been really tired today cos I couldn’t get to sleep last night and then I had to get up quite early cos I was going to Cheshire Oaks with Sarah today and they picked me up early.

I didn’t really buy much though when we got there. I just got the Wheatus album, a pair or sunglasses from Tog24 and a McDonald’s for lunch. Sarah didn’t find very much either. It was better than staying at home and doing my Geography homework though!

I had to do a Swing Band concert this evening at the Methodist church in the next village. It went quite well but dragged on for ages. It wasn’t just Swing Band, there were extra soloists and stuff in between our tunes. They were good but I was bored. Emma couldn’t go either cos she was working so I was sat on my own.

I kept feeling really funny this evening. It wasn’t a good sort of funny either. It could’ve been just cos I was hot and tired but I felt really light-headed and ‘far away’. Then every so often, I kept feeling like I was sort of drifting (like off to sleep or something) and I kept sort of jumping and snapped out of it. It was weird and I didn’t like it.

I’ve been doing that drifting then jumping thing when I’ve been trying to sleep at night too, along with thinking daft things like I was half awake but dreaming. I don’t like it when that happens cos it’s really strange. I have to totally wake myself up to stop it. Other people say they do that too though.

Unfortunately it’s snowed in Canada. 😦 I’ve not spoken to Jake today or yesterday cos he was doing his avalanche course thing and hasn’t had time to phone me. I don’t think he’ll come back early. It says in his email that he’s still considering it but I reckon he’s just trying to break it to me gently. 😦


Today’s emails →

10-03-01 Jake email10-03-01 Tess email

The shortarse cow! – 7th to 9th January 2001

Sunday 7th It was Jake’s dad’s birthday yesterday so Jake and I went to the Trafford Centre so he could get him a present!

He also bought Ronan Keating’s album cos he likes him (so do I) so he could record it onto minidisc and I could have the CD ‘til he comes home.

We also bought some keyrings that fit together but rather than a soppy heart or something, we got 2 bears on phones. They’re really nice. I think they’re those “Me to You” bears with the blue noses.

Me to You bear

[All that hoarding has come in (slightly) handy again.]


Monday 8th It was Presentation Evening at school tonight when they give out the A-Level and GCSE certificates so Jake was there. I had to go too cos Swing Band were playing. It was sooo boring (as always!) but the guest speaker (Mr Guest!) was worse than the usual ones they get in. His speech was complete crap and Emma and I were just sat in hysterics all the way through. I noticed a lot of people in the audience snigger and stuff too, included my dad who was totally taking the piss!

Everyone went to The Coach afterwards for a well needed drink and everyone out of Jake’s year who knows he’s going on Thursday started saying goodbye to him. It was awful! We both had a bit of a cry about it afterwards.


Tuesday 9th I’ve got one day left with Jake now before he leaves to go to Canada. It’s sooooo upsetting and we cried lots and lots when we saw each other.

That bitch of a teacher, Miss P, said that some deputy head will probably want a word with me and Emma about laughing last night! Hah, I think I’d have died of boredom otherwise! I bet she’s told him our names, the shortarse cow! (I REALLY don’t like her!)

When I saw Jake after college, we cried lots more cos we really don’t want to be split up. He told me it hurts a lot and he’s right!

Henry Rockwell told me other stuff that Hayley’s said about me. She said nastily, “We’ll all be seeing a lot more of Tessa now Jake is going!” and she overheard someone say that Jake wouldn’t touch Hayley with a barge pole but apparently she thinks I’ve manipulated him into thinking that! Twisted cow!


Dressed as robbers with bras on their heads! – 25th July 2000

Tuesday 25th P. [Period.]

Before we set off for the swimming place called Mosaqua at Gulpen, some girl from another school had asked Gethin if Jake and I are going out. He asked how she’d guessed and she told him that it was cos he hadn’t reacted to anyone other than me!

I didn’t go swimming so I just sat by the café at the side of the pool with Jake and the others who weren’t swimming.

We had our last concert in Aachen in Germany today. It was pointless cos we had an audience of about 3 people cos it was rainy, one being this little old woman who was jigging about in her seat and making us all smile!


[Bet I was miming.]


Jake and I went to the Queen Vic for a while and then I went with him to his hotel so he could get his bags to dump at ours ready for the coach in the morning. We just sat in my room for a while and decided it’d been a really good few days cos we’d seen so much of each other and that we didn’t want to go home. He said he thinks we should just run away together!


[Jake helping us to pack.]

Later, we were joined by Gethin. He was pissed and said something about Jake being able to sleep in his room if he wanted (but we’d already decided he could sleep in my bed then it’s not such a rush in the morning) and Gethin was being a bit perverted so Jake told him that he wanted straight sex not gay sex! Well, he didn’t get either but I was glad to hear that!

Some of the girls whose last trip it is with the band, Rina H and Greta Allen, came into our room before, very pissed and dressed as robbers with bras on their heads! Strange!


I heard sniffling noises coming from Jake – 24th July 2000

Monday 24th We spent all day at De Efteling theme park which was a bit of a strange place really. We did 2 concerts there. I got totally soaked on one of the water rides so I was cold all day!


This evening, Jake and I decided to go to the Queen Vic with everyone else before we got accused of being antisocial or something! Mrs P mentioned Canada to Jake and it depressed me so I went all quiet. He noticed and thought I was sulking and said he’d get upset. We talked about it for a bit and how bad it’s gonna be, and a few minutes after we’d stopped, I heard sniffling noises coming from Jake and he had his head down and I noticed tears rolling down his nose.

I asked if he wanted to leave and he nodded so we walked down the street for a bit and hugged for a while. I apologised for upsetting him and gave him a ‘Smile’ tissue like this one →


which did make him smile and then hug me and then cry again! Only this time he said it was cos he’s so happy! He kept stressing the fact that he never cries so I was flattered in a way that he didn’t mind showing his emotions in front of me like that. We decided it was cos he’s tired.

I felt so guilty but he said it wasn’t my fault, he just can’t bear the thought of going away again. He said that’s how he was feeling on that night he tried to ring me really late when he was travelling.

We walked back to the hotel and went in my room again. We sat in the window for a while before moving to my bed and then 3 happened (again). We just lay on my bed and cuddled for ages after that until Maeve came in the room.

We moved and went and sat on the steps together. He told me that he loves me and that I’m beautiful (hah!) and that he loves my nose and smile and everything else about me and that he can’t believe this is all happening. He also kept telling me that he’s really happy 🙂 So am I! I really do love him!


It was dark so I got to snog Jake – 22nd July 2000

Saturday 22nd There’s a spare seat on our coach so Jake gets to stay with us all week!! J

We had quite a few trips, the first one being to the Municipal Grotto. They were just cave things with paintings and carvings and stuff but it was dark so I got to snog Jake without too many people noticing!


[I had the occasional break from snogging to take a few photos.]

Then we went on the toboggan run which was quite good but going on a chairlift doesn’t seem right without skis on!

I picked this →


up from the place cos I couldn’t be bothered getting my camera out. It was free, I think! Some people had a go on a death wire thing which came from the top of the tower on the postcard.


[Cat on the death wire thing. F that S.]

Jake and I didn’t bother so we could just stand and cuddle.

After that, we went bowling. That was alright except our lane kept not giving Jake his points and stuff. That was also the point what Cat told me she fancied the tour rep but then so does Gethin!

Jake came back to our hotel again this evening and I had a rather interesting conversation with him. We started talking again about how long we’ve liked each other and he said he’s liked me ages before the college bowling trip last year and has since I was in Year 11 but doesn’t quite know when or why. He said it might have been triggered by Emma who I’d been best mates with at the time.

The uni subject then came up. He said he doesn’t care about uni cos he doesn’t want to leave me.

Unfortunately, the hotel doors had to be locked so we had to say goodbye. We did try the fire escape so he could’ve left a bit later but there was a gate and a security camera so it didn’t work. He told me he loves me and then had to leave.

Ohhh, I want him so much! I can’t keep my hands off him!


P.S. First concert in open air theatre in Valkenburg. Went quite well. Shelly and Emma told me that Jake and I are a nice couple and not annoying like others!


I was pissed on tiredness – 21st July 2000

Friday 21st The coach journey was horrible! It was really uncomfortable so I only got one hour of sleep or so which made me feel really rough.

We stopped at a service station somewhere before Dover and I went in the shop and ended up buying some beanie toy cos it made me laugh when I saw it. It was like I was pissed on tiredness or something cos I couldn’t stop giggling! It’s a Jim Henson Bean Star or something and is a purply, ugly otter (apparently!) called Pop! It had a partner called Pip but that one wasn’t quite as funny! Everyone thought I was a bit weird for buying it but they then all decided it was quite cute. I sort of agree now!


[Pop then…]


[…and Pop now, thanks to those hoarding habits of mine.]

When we finally reached Valkenburg, I woke up a bit cos I was aware that I might see Jake and I did! My first sighting was him crossing a road wearing his pink shirt and shorts. I waved but he didn’t see me.

I saw him properly when I was at our hotel. I went to Gethin’s room and he was in there. I was so pleased to see him! We hugged but it didn’t really sink in that I was actually with him. I’m sooo happy that I’ve got him back!

He said he realised the coach was ours after we’d driven past and he saw Mr P-R on it. He’s staying in the Atlas Hotel which is about a 10 minute walk from my hotel.

This evening, our tour rep Andy took us round Valkenburg and Jake came too. Jake, Gethin, Charlie and I then went to some bar before going back to the hotel. We just sat and cuddled and couldn’t stop smiling! He mentioned me going and visiting him when he’s in Canada and he told me he loves me lots and lots and lots! The feeling’s returned!

I did get a few messages from Jake before I reached Dover while my phone still worked. I told him that someone was passing a sex position poster round the coach and he said, “STILL CAN’T WAIT! : ) P.S. I HOPE YOU’RE TAKING NOTES FROM THAT POSTER! : ) : ) : ) LOVE YOU! xJx”.


I told him that I was just shocked by it cos there were Year 7s on the coach and he said, “YEH RIGHT! BUT HEY I THOUGHT THAT’S WHAT MUSIC TRIPS WERE ALL ABOUT! – YOU KNOW ‘THIS ONE TIME AT BAND CAMP’!! AND GIRLS WITH FLUTES N STUFF! : ) xJx”.

He’s been taking too much notice of that American Pie film!


A manky old tent with cranes sticking out of it – 11th July 2000

Tuesday 11th Cat’s alarm woke us up at 6:30 am so we could all have showers so I’ve been knackered all day! We had breakfast and then set off for the Millennium Dome for our concerts.

We went in through some back entrance and then we were allowed to look around before setting up for our first concert. I was with Cat most of the time and we agreed that the whole thing’s just plain weird! It’s just some of the sculptures and stuff that makes it so odd. It was the pointed foot on the body zone that kept us laughing though!

Millennium Dome foot

The first concert went really well. One of the sound guys put a microphone right by my flute which I didn’t like but all together it sounded good and we were being played on speakers all over the dome. Some guy who works there (he looked important) came and told us that they’ve seen a lot of bands play but we really stood out as being good and all the backstage staff had said we were nice to work with! Apparently they want us back! People were dancing to us and everything!

Millennium Dome Swing Band

We all got a free McDonald’s for lunch and then went to watch the show they put on. The story line that they put up on the screen about ‘Skyboy’ and the other characters was a bit strange but the music and the dance etc. was really good. We had our second successful concert after it.


My camera stopped working so I bought this postcard from the shop instead. →


The place actually looks nice on there but in daylight it looks horrible! It looks like a manky old tent with cranes sticking out of it!!

I also bought couple of keyrings so Jake can have the free one cos the woman in the shop undercharged me!

I had a few messages off Jake today. He was saying how when he next sees me, he’s going to hug me so much that nobody’ll be able to separate us! Then he told me that he’s in Florence but the youth hostel they were going to stay in is full so he told me, “WE’VE GOTTA GO TO BOLOGNA! IF THAT’S FULL WE’LL BE SPENDING ANOTHER NIGHT ON THE PLATFORM! FINISHED PLAYING NOW? LOTS OF LOVE!!! xxx J xxx”.


We went straight home from the dome (Ha! That rhymes!!) and it seemed to take ages. I got in at about 11:30 pm and I’m so tired!