Yuck! Creepy!! – 23rd November 2001

Friday 23rd  I had a Chemistry lab this morning and Kevin totally ignored me. It turned out that he’d been dumped again last night. I don’t know why cos I never said that. He probably wanted me to follow him when he left but I didn’t know he’d gone and I wouldn’t have wanted to ruin my night anyway. Sorry if that sounds selfish but he did annoy me a bit.

All day Archie kept saying how I should wear skirts more often. He also asked if he could have my duvet cos he’s borrowing Sophie’s (a girl out of his flat who he fancies) who’s gone on holiday. It was for Tim to borrow and they were sniffing it all night cos it smells of her. Yuck! Creepy!!

Cat arrived this evening so just went up to the Arbar with Katy, Jen, Kevin and Archie cos we were knackered. We didn’t stay long and came back to my room to catch up. I’m glad she’s here.


[Me, Cat and a pint of diesel. Note the diesel-coloured lips suggesting it may not have been pint number 1.]

Kevin said he loves me – 22nd November 2001

Thursday 22nd  The ‘Skool Disco’ at Milton tonight was overall pretty good but there were a couple of things that spoilt it slightly. I’ll get these out of the way first.

One was the fact that Jake was up on the stage with Bronwen doing dodgy thrusting dance moves at her and playing the party games (e.g. how many sex positions you can do in a minute or whatever) and I wasn’t really enjoying watching it cos I was stuck with miserable Kevin.

This leads me on to the 2nd bad thing (well, it should’ve been bad but I wasn’t all that bothered) which was that Kevin saw me watching Jake and went home early in a strop. It just spoilt it cos I felt really guilty. He shouldn’t have been so paranoid. I could’ve just been admiring Jake’s school blazer or something.

Archie was going on about how much he fancied Bronwen in her school uniform but then later (when pissed) told me I was top of the list instead. Ahh, I like Archie! He kept feeling my legs though, saying they were nice and I should wear skirts more often. Archie’s mate Tim from home was quite nice actually but apparently he’s still at school or something cos he failed exams and stuff, I think.

I was absolutely freezing in my somewhat skimpy school uniform on the way to and on the bus so Ben gave me his coat. Then he got cold so I had to give it back.

He told me that Kevin said he loves me. No way! He can’t, he’s only known me a few weeks and I’m not even nice to him. Ben agreed he can’t love me that quickly. It sounded like he knew but then he did have a girlfriend for 18 months.

I had a message from Ben when I got in saying that everyone thinks he fancies me. I asked if it was true and he eventually replied saying, “I DO LIKE U, U DO LOOK GOOD IN SCHOOL UNIFORM BUT I WOULD NEVER HAVE DONE ANYTHING BEHIND ANYONE’S BACK. I DON’T WANNA MARRY ANYONE, JUST THINK UR FIT.” Why couldn’t he have said that when I wasn’t with Kevin? Bloody typical! I like Ben a lot.


P.S. I had my arse pinched too which Kevin didn’t like!

How exactly is that my fault?! – 20th & 21st November 2001

Tuesday 20th  I’ve been sooo knackered after going out. I’ve totally gone off Kevin again too. I can’t see me ever having anything with anyone even slightly like it was with Jake.


Wednesday 21st  I had an email from Cat today saying Jake emailed her saying he was single and enjoying it and some gay lad fancies him.

I went to the Arbar this evening with Archie, Jen, Kevin and Jen’s mates Ryan and Martin. Kevin irritated me so much. Archie made up some word when we were talking about diseases and Kevin pretended he knew what it was. When I pointed out it doesn’t exist, he argued with me. He just wouldn’t admit he was wrong. Instead of laughing it off, he sulked too before having a go at me cos he says people in general make comments about him thinking he knows everything. Erm….. how exactly is that my fault?!

I had a long chat with Kevin in my room afterwards. I told him how I was confused about what I wanted but he persuaded me to stay together and work it out without breaking up. He said he wants to visit me at home at Christmas. I don’t really want him to. He told me I’m beautiful too which I found hard not to laugh/be sick at!

Archie and Kevin want me to wear a skirt for the school disco tomorrow. I’ll see!


He measures up to “ouch” – 19th November 2001

Monday 19th  I did some exercise this morning but only cos I was in a major panic. I thought I’d left a graph out of a piece of work I had to hand in so I legged it off the bus and sprinted to my room. It wasn’t there so I sprinted back to the bus, only to find it in my bag.

We did the usual Monday night thing (Arbar, Revolution and Camel) again tonight. Some girl in the toilets though me and Jen were graduating and then told us how quickly it went for her when she realised we were only 1st years.

I spoke to Jon and Ben a lot tonight. Ben accused me of ignoring his flatmates for some reason when I hadn’t even seen them.

I had my arse felt and got loads of looks from graduating blokes in suits.

I was a bit evil to Kevin tonight. I really just don’t fancy him though. I feel really mean now and I apologised but he said it didn’t matter. He wanted to stay in my room all night but I said no and that I was tired. He got my ruler and went to the chart in the kitchen and came back saying he measures up to “ouch”. Yeah right!

I fell out with Kevin a bit today actually cos he said I don’t try at stuff like Chemistry. I do try but I still don’t get it. When he says I can have his answers it’s too tempting as well.


I’m actually semi-repulsed by him – 18th November 2001

Sunday 18th  I saw Kevin all day again. I don’t know why but I don’t like him as much when I’m with him. In fact, sometimes I’m actually semi-repulsed by him. I know that sounds a bit harsh but I find myself sitting with him thinking, “Yuck, yuck, yuck!!”.

All the fit lads came out tonight in the Arbar…. damn it! Ben looked really nice too. That’s just my bloody luck!

Ugh, what’s wrong with me? Why aren’t I happy I’ve got a boyfriend who’s nice? I don’t mind being with him on my own (when I’m bored) but I’d rather not be with him when I’m out cos I can’t pull and kind of want to sometimes. I’m so mean!

Kevin’s scared of rulers. My flatmates have a chart on our kitchen wall for lads to measure themselves up to. I keep threatening to get out the ruler and he really doesn’t want me to so he must have something to hide! I wouldn’t actually do that but he still seems bothered by it!


He kept saying he was going to skip home – 16th & 17th November 2001

Friday 16th  I went out to town tonight with Jen, Kevin, Archie, Archie’s flatmate Hazel and her boyfriend Kenny who’s Archie’s mate from home. We started at Milton then moved on to Warehouse.

Archie was very, very pissed! He didn’t drink before he come to uni so it doesn’t take much. He was being nice to me all night. He really fancies Bronwen and said she’s as nice as me. He said I’m thin and good-looking but was comparing me to Vicky. He said my top was sexy. I like Archie!! 🙂

I got back together with Kevin tonight. I decided I might as well cos I’m with him all the time anyway so I can’t do anything with other lads cos he’s there. We were cuddling on my bed when we got back and he kissed me so I didn’t stop him. He kept saying he was going to skip home and was happy and wasn’t going to stop smiling.

He looked nice tonight as well which I think is partly the reason why I decided to get back with him. Oh yeah, I was a bit pissed too.


Saturday 17th  Kevin stayed over last night but nothing happened again. I saw him all day too. It was boring so we just sat and cuddled and watched TV,


His jeans are too tight – 15th November 2001

Thursday 15th  Kevin and Jen were in moods today but I’ve no idea why. Kevin says I’ve got a nice figure though.

Paul and this girl called Carys were making me paranoid in the lab today. They kept looking at me and laughing and whispering. WHY?!?

I went round to Jen’s this evening with Kevin to watch Three to Tango and Can’t Hardly Wait. All my flatmates had gone out or home.

I spoke to Kevin on the phone afterwards and he says he thinks I’m nice looking with a really good personality and then that he and Jen have secrets. Great, just leave me out why don’t you?! Apparently she reckons I’m daft for dumping him. Maybe. I wish he’d buy some new clothes cos his jeans are too tight and stuff. I keep imagining him in baggier clothes, perhaps with a chain and the long sleeved T-shirt under a short sleeved one which he looked good in once. He’d look so much better.

I kind of want to get back together with him but don’t at the same time. I’m scared someone better will come along while I’m with him though. Jen says we’re good together and Kevin says he’ll wait for as long as it takes cos of the way he feels about me. He said he doesn’t want anyone else and I’m worth waiting for. He also said he won’t waste his “turn”. What’s that supposed to mean?!


I’m beginning to get the impression that I annoy people – 14th November 2001

Wednesday 14th  I’m beginning to get the impression that I annoy people. Kevin said I annoyed Jen last night cos I was messing about trying to get her with Jon. Ben obviously doesn’t like me much and Kevin seems to think I’m pathetic for not really liking Ben’s flatmates or Jake’s flatmates.

I texted Jake a lot today. I started it by apologising for talking about Bronwen and drawing the stick man but he said it didn’t matter and that I should go skiing. He said it’s just that the girls in his flat hate Bronwen and were annoyed (see, more people!) cos I mentioned her. He says they’re jealous of her cos she’s good looking and they’re very protective over him and the other lads in his flat. Sad cows!

I went to town tonight. Nothing much happened.


This is my draft reply to Lizzie’s letter:

Scrabbling about in the mud with no shirt on – 12th November 2001

Monday 12th 

I’m 19 years old now! As soon as it got past midnight, Kevin let me open the rest of my presents from him. He bought me a Chris Moose (a big fluffy toy moose from BHS which should really be a Christmassy thing but I said I liked them so he bought me one) and a reindeer thing that has sweets for droppings. He was going for the Christmas theme, I think!

During today I had loads of messages wishing me Happy Birthday from people like Ben, my sister, Lizzie, Layla and Jake. Gethin and Denny phoned me too from a train on their way back to Aberystwyth. I had loads of cards from people too.

In our Geography lecture, Jen showed me a message that Kevin sent to her. It said that he hopes we get back together cos it’s frustrating when he’s with me and he can’t “hold her in my arms”. It’s sweet but didn’t half make me cringe!

Loads of people came out for my birthday tonight. We all started in the Arbar and then got the Vodka Bus down to Revolution where Ben decided to tell me he’d had sex with Jodie 3 days ago. I’d rather not have known actually.

After that and a lot of vodka, we all went to Camel Club. I got my birthday announced by the DJ about 5 times which was cool. Jake was in there and I was stood in the corner talking to him for quite a while. He brought me a box of chocolates and a card round before I went out and talked to me for a bit before I gave him an article Dad found about his course problems, then he hugged me and left. This is the label off my present:

When we got back to Storthes I went up to Archie’s flat for a bit so he could give me presents (chocolate and a cow that releases jelly beans out of its back end!) and I noticed a bit of paper on the kitchen wall for visitors to sign. Jake had signed it so I drew a little stick man by his name. I immediately wished I hadn’t done it cos he’s probably always in the flat but it was too late. Ah well!

I then got a phone call from Ben saying to meet him in our block with my torch so I went. He dragged me into the woods where his flatmate Jon (who I’d been trying to set Jen up with) was scrabbling about in the mud with no shirt on looking for his trainer which had sunk in a ditch!

I just stood and watched with Ben who kept saying I was a bit of a bitch and too quiet and I always looked grumpy. Charming! I went back to my flat (upset) to find Marc being carted away in an ambulance. He’d got really pissed and was shaking and seeing things so he reckoned someone spiked his drink.

Kevin and Jen came over (after sitting outside talking about me for ages) and were being nice to me.

Ben rang my phone later and apologised for having a go at me. I had said I didn’t really like his girl flatmates though. Kevin was stood listening outside my door and stormed off cos he thought there was something going on between me and Ben. Prick!


P.S. I’ve gone off Ben after tonight.

The letter Lizzie sent in her card to me:

Pissing me off and making me paranoid – 9th to 11th November 2001

Friday 9th  I was late for my Chemistry lab this morning cos of a massive queue for the bus. I went down to the bus stop at the normal time and there were so many more people there than usual for some reason. The 8:40 bus left early cos it got full so I went to talk to Layla who was about 5 people behind me. That was a mistake cos just as we got on the bus, 2 lad pushed in front of us so we had to get off again cos it was full. I wasn’t impressed.

Due to me being late, everyone had started their experiments and were all paired up so Dr Garrood made me go and work with the Food Science lot who were a 3. I got paired up with Bronwen of all people! Actually, she seems quite nice and I feel a bit guilty for being all bitter about her now.

Ben came over and talked to me for no reason at one point and then walked with me all the way to McDonald’s.


Saturday 10th  Mum picked me up last night and took me home so I spent all of today at home, working on damn soil coursework.

I got my new laptop from Mum and Dad which is a birthday present. It’s so cool!

I came back to Hudds tonight and just stayed in and watched TV with Kevin.


Sunday 11th  I worked on that fucking soil thing all day again with Kevin’s help. We then went up to the Arbar with Archie. Ben and his flatmates were there and the girls were really pissing me off and making me paranoid by constantly turning round and looking at us. Every time I caught them, they looked away quickly. Ben came over but only for about 2 minutes and then went away again.

After the Arbar, we decided to go and have another look at what Kevin thinks is the morgue in the woods. It so isn’t. We didn’t stay long though cos it was a bit scary so we went back to my room instead.

Archie said Bronwen thinks Jake is quite fit.