I left Jake watching TV to go and make some fake cum – 10th June 2001

Sunday 10th Hmm. Last night was quite a varied night in the end with some good bits and some not so good bits.

Jake, Michael, Sarah, Karen, Cat, Gethin and I all went round to Lizzie’s house because her parents went away to Cyprus for 2 weeks yesterday. We all brought alcohol supplies and just settled down in the living room to watch TV/listen to music/talk.

Gethin was being all lively and was poncing about in the middle of the room, dancing and cracking crap jokes in order to be the centre of attention but as soon as everyone lost interest he went and sulked and had heart-to-heart talks with people and cried cos he’s gay. I didn’t fall for it. It was all for attention purposes and really got on my nerves.

My theory is that it was mostly for the benefit of Sarah but she’s so soft she gave him loads of sympathy. You see, I reckon Gethin’s jealous deep down of Michael because now he’s come along, Sarah’s no longer following Gethin round like a little sheep in hope she’ll get a snog out of him. He didn’t want to know at the time but now it’s the whole situation of wanting what he can’t have. I may be wrong but it’d be a very Gethin-like thing to do.

He did ask me if he could talk to me at one point but I refused to go out of the room with him cos I had a feeling that if he was going to go all serious. I’d either get annoyed or laugh and I didn’t really want to fall out with him.

I had a minor jokey disagreement with Jake while he was watching the Formula 1 on TV. I asked why he found it so interesting and he eventually came out with a comment that girls only like football for the perve factor. That pissed me off so much so I put up and argument. He did admit in the end that he knows that’s not why I watch it. Why can’t I just like the game? Grrr.

I left Jake watching TV to go and make some fake cum at one point. Cat found a recipe a while ago on the internet and was going to spread it round Mr L’s room (ha ha ha!!!) so we thought we’d test it out. It didn’t work. We ended up with a runny yellow concoction consisting of egg white, sugar, mayonnaise, flour, evaporated milk, arrowroot, salad cream and lots more. It was pretty mingin’! (We didn’t actually follow a recipe, we guessed!)

A few of us had a go at my drinking games. We played Fuzzy Duck, Bunnies, something with matches and something where you had to pick a bottle up with your mouth while standing on one leg. We got bored pretty quickly though cos none of us were that pissed.

Sarah, Michael, Jake and I all went in Sarah’s car to get Chinese takeaway and stopped to pick Floyd up from The Green Dragon on the way back. He was still working so I used my superb waitressing skills and help him tidy up faster so he could finish his shift. It’s scary how it all came back to me!

When we got back, we ate too much food and all nearly exploded but it’s too nice to leave leftovers! Sarah and Michael then had to go out again to take Cat home cos she had to teach Sunday school this morning.

Cat got upset at one point too, all because of fucking Mr L. She checked his email and discovered a letter which someone had written for him to print off and put with his application forms for new jobs. It was all about why he’d resigned (cos of the allegations made against him) and went cringingly onto say how he loves his job and how he’ll work extra hard to prove himself etc. Tosser!

The part that really got to Cat though was a bit saying that the head of our school would back him up about what an “asset” he was. It sounds like Mr C didn’t believe what Cat was saying. Mr bloody L is going to be allowed to teach again and it’ll happen all over again with more pupils. With any luck though, nobody will want to risk taking him on.

Even though we were all full from Chinese, we kept finding chocolates and sweets all over the house and therefore we all felt even more sick!

It really is a mess in Lizzie’s house. You can hardly move for rubbish and there’s about 4 inches of dust on the vacuum cleaner! Luckily Lizzie said Jake and I could share her sister’s bed so we didn’t have to sleep in amongst the mess. Mind you, it took us a while to clear the crap off her sister’s bed too!

We went to bed pretty early actually. Sarah and Michael shared another bedroom and the others slept on the living room floor.

I left Jake on the bed to go in the bathroom and came back to find him in the bed with no clothes on at all! We just kissed and cuddled for a bit then…

[CENSORED! I can’t include what I wrote because I covered all the gory details at some point with a thick black pen, probably before I went to uni when I feared Mum or Abby would find my diaries. I’m not going to pretend I’m not relieved I don’t have to cringe my way through sharing that sort of stuff.]

We got some sleep after that and it was really nice being able to snuggle up together. It was really nice waking up with him there this morning too. We cuddled for ages before Sarah knocked on the door to say she was leaving soon if we wanted a lift. We all ended up going to McDonald’s for breakfast (mmm, bacon roll!) and Rory was working. The McDonald’s uniform actually makes him look vaguely straight!

Jake got a lift back with Karen cos she was dropping Lizzie off and he lives in the next close to Lizzie. I don’t like leaving him, especially when Karen’s there. I’m going to sound really paranoid now but she keeps flirting with him, I’m sure! He was complaining this morning about his hair being a mess and she started stroking his head saying, “Ahh!”. She laughs at him all the time and kept saying he was sweet last night.

Hugo kept ringing him too and Karen made sure she answered it and said, “Hi! This is Big ‘n’ Bouncy Escorts. How may I help you?” Actually, that was quite funny though. I probably wouldn’t notice as much if I didn’t know that she used to fancy him. Ugh, I don’t know! I don’t think she’s really a threat though!

When I got home this morning, Jake sent me a message saying he’s sorry if he hurt me (pain-wise) last night and not to feel guilty about it. Ooh, I love him sooo much! 🙂

Sarah told me in the car on the way home that she thinks Michael was expecting to go all the way last night but he said he respected her for not wanting to rush it. Aww, sweet! She said she did 2 to him and he did 3 to her on our ranking system.

Just to explain, my mates and I have come up with numbers to represent what stage was reached with lads, just in case we don’t want to say properly what we did if other people are there. It goes:

1 = Snog
2 = Grope
3 = Hands
4 = Mouths
5 = Sex

So, if I ever use those numbers in here, that’s the explanation for it.

I’ve spoken to Jake a couple of times today on the phone cos he decided not to come here cos he’s really tired and doesn’t feel like getting the buses and taxis. (His brother’s getting that Punto but Jake won’t be insured on it.)

I’ve just been texting Jake now and I apologised again for last night. He said it doesn’t matter and that it didn’t last very long the first time so that’s the longest it’s lasted yet!

Oh no, I’ve got a driving lesson tomorrow. I’ve forgotten what to do!

Bye!

I shouldn’t have mentioned Canada – 9th June 2001

Saturday 9th Well, Jake certainly made sure I felt guilty about everything I said about Suzanna/Canada. I phoned him and apologised again but we got into a bit of an argument because he said I always make him feel as if things out of his control are his fault. So, obviously I defended myself and basically said I didn’t.

We ended up talking on MSN messenger on the internet and got onto the subject of his mum. He said I shouldn’t have mentioned Canada yesterday (I know!) and started saying how he didn’t tell me why he was so upset at the time cos he doesn’t feel like he can talk to me about it because I never ask him about it.

Well, that really insulted me and I made sure I pointed out the fact that he said last year (and so did Hugo) that he didn’t like talking about it. I was hardly going to bring it up and risk saying the wrong thing and upsetting him, especially if he didn’t like speaking about it.

I got cut off MSN mid-argument so I ended up phoning him again. He was crying and so was I and after hanging up on me once, I rang again and we sorted it out. He apologised for not telling me stuff and I apologised for what I said last night. We’re friends again now which is a good thing cos we’re both staying at Lizzie’s house tonight. I’ll report back on that tomorrow though.

Bye!

I don’t want him to run off with someone who has got legs! – 8th June 2001

Friday 8th Jake phoned me this afternoon to tell me that he, his brother and his dad had been looking for cars this morning. They’ve found a sort of metallic yellow (yuck!) Fiat Punto at some place in Warrington and his brother was going back to test drive it at some point today. Jake says it’s a really nice one so hopefully they’ll get it.

However, when he got to my house later on, Jake was less pleased cos it’ll be really expensive to insure him and his bro on it so he might not be allowed to drive it because he’s going to be at uni in a few months’ time. He’s just going to have to wait and see. He wants his Beetle back most though. That’d be cool!

A few of us including Michael Amhurst did The Run pub crawl tonight. Cat told me something in The Woodman which I’d probably have been better off not hearing. Someone’s dog was sniffing round Jake when he was at the bar and Cat said, “He seems to attract dogs, doesn’t he?!” She meant that literally cos her dog also took quite a fancy to him but she realised it could’ve sounded a bit insulting towards me. I laughed and said, “Well, he did attract Zoe!” I named a few others that liked him as well and then Cat said, “Ooh and Suzanna” when I’d finished the list.

Suzanna is a friend of Emma’s and she’s well known for her slapperish tendencies but many lads so seem to think she’s nice looking. Cat obviously assumed I knew about the Suzanna thing but I didn’t so she told me.

Apparently when Suzanna came on The Run with us a while ago she wasn’t with her boyfriend and she started saying to Emma how nice she thought Jake was. Emma told her that she’d better not dare flirt with him cos she was obviously intending to. What really pisses me off is that I was sat next to him and it’s obvious we’re a couple. Who knows what she’d have tried if Emma and I hadn’t been there. Bitch!

I trust Jake not to do anything but I still don’t like the fact that everyone seems to fancy him. It never happens the other way round. Cat and Sarah said I should be flattered that so many people fancy him but it just worries me. I’m so scared that one day someone will like him and will eventually get him to like her back and he’ll gradually go off me and I’ll lose him.

The thing is that (even if he won’t admit it) he could have pretty much anyone and that makes me feel really insecure cos there’s probably so many people better than me.

He also said (when I asked him!) that if my legs fell off or something he wouldn’t like me quite as much. What if that happens now?! I don’t want him to run off with someone who has got legs!

Anyway, when I got back to mine with Jake he realised I was being quiet and I eventually told him about Suzanna. He couldn’t stop smiling. It’s probably just cos he’s flattered like anyone would be but I didn’t like it. I told him my worry that he might find someone he likes more than me and he said that I don’t have to worry because he loves me and doesn’t ever want anyone else. Good! 🙂

I still wasn’t feeling particularly happy though because I don’t like loads of people fancying him and no-one even looking twice at me. I mean, I don’t want him to look any different cos he’s really nice but people still obviously want to go for him even though they know he’s got a girlfriend. Grrr!! I don’t like the thought of people thinking about him like that cos he’s MINE!!

So, I told him some stuff like that to try and explain what was up with me and I could just see his head expanding. He didn’t mean it though and did seem to understand but I suppose he can’t help it.

I can just imagine people seeing us and thinking, “Urgh! How did dhe get him?!” I think that about people (mean, I know!) so I’m sure others think it too. Maybe they don’t, I don’t know. I’m probably just putting myself down too much but it doesn’t half lower my self-esteem hearing loads of people fancy him and he can’t say, “Well, such and such likes you so you can’t complain!” or anything. Oh well.

The subject of skiing got mentioned too and I commented how I could never afford to do anything like that. He was already pissed off about the Suzanna thing cos he said it upsets him to see me upset and then he just burst into tears. I didn’t mean to upset him but some really evil streak in me was quite pleased because I wasn’t particularly upset and he was and I thought I must have bothered him so he must care.

Then I realised why he was probably sooo upset. It’s a year ago today when his mum died. I did know because it’s hardly the sort of thing to forget cos it was awful at the time but I really should’ve watched what I said, especially about skiing because she wanted him to go. I feel so guilty now. He did calm down after a hug but I felt so bad.

He didn’t actually say that’s what was wrong until he got home and sent me a text message explaining that’s why he got so upset but said I shouldn’t feel bad about it. But I do.

Bye!

William Hague looks like a foetus and I like yellow – 7th June 2001

Thursday 7th I went to the hairdresser today just for a haircut. I’m quite pleased with it actually. I had it layered again and it’s about shoulder length which is just about right. It doesn’t feel quite so much of a mess now!

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[Post-haircut. Remember those?!]

I voted for the first time today. I had to go to the Scout hut in the middle of the village to do it and I met Jake getting off the bus on my way so he walked down with me and Mum.

I have never really followed politics and stuff before but I’ve been paying attention over the last few days (even though I haven’t understood it all) cos I wasn’t going to not vote after lots of women chained themselves to things etc. in the past.

I didn’t have a clue who to vote for until yesterday when I decided on the Liberal Democrats. That Charles Kennedy bloke just put things simply when he was speaking, saying how if we want the same, vote Labour, if we want worse, vote Conservative, and if we want better, vote Lib Dem. Plus they said stuff about abolishing uni fees and stuff.

I mean, I know they won’t get in so it probably won’t make much difference but there are a few other reasons I decided to vote for them. These are that Tony Blair’s a bit smarmy and I had a dream last night that his wife turned scally and came after me cos I lamped Johnny Doherty who she was friends with! William Hague looks like a foetus (Mr S’s words but true!), and I like yellow!

So, that’s who I voted for – Liberal Democrats.

Sarah said she would’ve voted for them too but discovered she’s not on the electoral role thing.

I had to vote for parish council too. I didn’t have a clue so I put Lib Dem again. Mum told me afterwards that she’s a governor at her primary school.

My sister’s bloody well gone out and bought the same white top as me. She knew I’d got it too. I’m so pissed off cos I really like that top and she’d kill me if it was the other way round.

She’s been horrible all day actually. She left a mess in the kitchen and tried to blame it on me when Mum got annoyed. She’s been stomping round since then. She’s been going out with Connor a year today and I think he’s still scared of her. I don’t blame him!

Jake told me he’s going to work in an architect’s office for a month over July and August for experience. It’s on Deansgate in Manchester but he can’t remember the name. Apparently they want to train him up. At least I’ll know what he’s up to while I’m in Germany and Scotland anyway. He’s promised not to run off with any secretaries or anything. I should hope not!

I was feeling a bit fed up before but I don’t really know why. Maybe it’s exam stress.

My right knee’s been pretty stiff and painful for about a week now. It feels like it did after skiing but I haven’t really done all that much. Hmm.

Bye!

I found a whole new thing to worry about. Geography. – 6th June 2001

Wednesday 6th Now I’ve got those 3 biology exams over with I was pretty pleased but this morning I found a whole new thing to worry about. Geography.

I was sorting out my geography folder and suddenly realised exactly how much I’m going to have to revise. The trouble is that between the time I was taught it and now, I’ve forgotten everything and therefore will have to revise all of it properly. What doesn’t help is the fact that I didn’t understand any of it in the first place! I’ve only got until next Friday to learn and understand it all, plus a Health & Disease topic for biology, the exam I have also got next Friday. I am so buggered!

Had to go to the dentist today but instead of dreading it (even though my teeth are fine), I actually didn’t mind going because it meant a break from panic revision.

I saw Jake this evening. We didn’t do much really because it’s started raining and there aren’t any buses that go anywhere interesting cheaply and the football was on. England beat Greece 2-0. Yey! The Greek team had loads of really good names though compared to our lot!

Hah! My sister’s boyfriend got his car back (after crashing it) today but it’s come back with the wrong registration number on the front. A 6 has been replaced by an 8 so it’s got to go back in to be changed tomorrow before Connor gets arrested or something!

Bye!

It wasn’t too bad in isolation – 5th June 2001

Tuesday 5th I was actually quite pleasantly surprised by the Ecology & Physiology resit biology papers today but the Continuity of Life paper (which I haven’t got any form of grade in and need to) was a bit of a disaster. I revised it pretty hard but nothing from my notes seemed to fit in as the answers to the questions. Bollocks! I really need a grade.

I had bloody Cat sat next to me moaning cos she thought she’s going to get a B. Stupid cow! There’s the rest of us who’ll be ecstatic if we get a D and she’s going to probably throw herself off college of she doesn’t get the top grade! Grrr!

I only had Physiology this morning which was an hour and half long so I had to sit in isolation with Rachael Hollins for 2 and a half hours to stop us talking to people who had it in the afternoon. You’d have thought the exam board would realise people do resits and not put 4 biology exams in one afternoon.

It wasn’t too bad in isolation. We just sat and talked and slagged off twisted bitch Hayley and ate. It was a bit boring after a while though but at least I wasn’t on my own.

Yey! Robbie Taylor passed his driving test today with only 4 minor faults. That means they’re getting a car on Sunday.

I went in the new college block after my exam. It’s really hot and white and smells new. It’s really ugly from the outside but quite nice inside.

I met Jake at about 4:30 outside college and we walked back to my house. We didn’t do all that much except watch TV and cuddle. Mmm! 🙂

Bye!

Crap, crap, crap! – 4th June 2001

Monday 4th AAARRGGHHH!!!!! I’ve got one day (ONE DAY!!!) to go until 3 biology exams. No actually, it’s not even a day because they’re all tomorrow. Crap, crap, crap! I know nothing! I’ve been staring at my notes but none of the info is sticking in my brain. This is not good.

My problem is that I don’t panic about exams (until the day before when my brain is void of all biology) so I don’t revise until the last minute. Shit. I’m never going to pass.

I’ve worked out that from the 4 modules I’ve already done (2 of which I’m resitting tomorrow), I’ve got  marks which means I’ve already got an N (i.e. I’ve got no grade but almost an E → N = Near miss). So, to get an E I need 28 marks out of the 2 modules I’ve not done yet. However, I really need a D or more to get the 14 points I need to get into uni but for a D I need 88 marks. Not going to happen.

If I get an E in biology, I could really do with a B in geography but to get that I need 114 marks from the modules this summer. Ha ha!! No chance!

Oh God! I’m going to end up getting stuck working in Little Chef or something with Mr L. Nooooooo!!!

Abby had a maths tutoring thing near Birchwood at 5:15pm so Mum dropped me, Mollie and Jake off for a walk round Risley Moss (I’ve not been there since I did orienteering at GCSE for P.E.!). We saw rabbits which Mollie took great pleasure in chasing and a jay. It was really nice actually cos there was nobody there. We went into the big tower bird hide thing and Mollie came too. I didn’t even realise the area of land it looks over existed. There aren’t many places round Birchwood now that don’t have rabbit warren-style housing estates and business parks on them actually.

Bye!

[I was back at Risley Moss for a work day in February this year…]

Risley Moss