My mum is so top! – 29th & 31st May 2001

Tuesday 29th Ooh! Sarah phoned me this afternoon saying Michael went round to hers this morning to say goodbye before he went home. While he was there he told her he was thinking of getting a last minute fight to Portugal for a week in the summer. He then said, “Will you come with me?” to her and she said yes! She seems quite excited but she is a bit worried that it could be a bit awkward. I told her that it might not be so bad by then though cos they should see quite a bit of each other after exams.

She said he was showing her pictures of the villa his family have in Portugal and she says it’s really nice. He showed her piccys of his house too which she seemed pretty impressed with due to its size!

Aah, I think they make a really nice couple. I hope it lasts. I’d quite like one of my friends to have a proper boyfriend actually. Not only would it stop her whinging about not having one but maybe they’d be more understanding and not make me feel so guilty for having Jake. I mean, ok, he is drop dead gorgeous but I don’t like people being jealous and making me feel like I don’t deserve him, whether I do or not.

Jake also rang me this afternoon and I ended up in floods of tears on the end of the phone to him cos of the sheer dread of having a driving lesson today. I really shouldn’t have got so worked up about it but it was a bit of a disaster last week.

However, my lesson didn’t turn out too badly. I didn’t stall quite as much and he only complained about little things like not looking in my mirrors in the correct order. I mainly had to do reversing. I don’t think it was too bad but he still didn’t give me much positive feedback. Aarrgghh! Scary! That’s come from my Sports Studies! I actually know something! Yay!

I saw Jake briefly before he went to Venture Scouts (aww, sweet!) and he kept telling me I’m “yummy”! 🙂 Mmm!

Bye!

Thursday 31st (P. [period] on Wednesday)

I went to the Trafford Centre with my mum today in search of a dress for my leaving do for college. I found a skirt and top instead in Debenhams which match so it looks like a dress. They’re very nice. They’re just black but with sparkly bits on and the top’s very strappy and the skirt’s three quarter length. I’m pleased with them.

31-05-01 Tess & Cat

My mum is so top! I’ve been looking at a really nice vest top in the O’Neill shop in Manchester every time I’ve been in and I saw it today in Free Spirit. Mum saw me look at it, made me try it on and then bought it for me. Then when we were in Selfridges, I tried on some of the shorts in the Quiksilver section and she bought me them too. Then she spotted a really nice light pink three quarter length skirt on the next rack and made me try it on cos she liked it. I liked it too and she bought it for me! 🙂

I did feel a bit guilty cos she spent quite a lot of money on me but she says she doesn’t mind buying me clothes cos she buys Abby loads and my leaving do outfit wasn’t as expensive as we thought it’d be.

Well, I’m very pleased with all my new clothes. 🙂

Bye!

She’s held a grudge against us ever since – 19th & 20th May 2001

Friday 19th It’s my mum’s 50th birthday on Monday so our family plus Jake and Connor all went to the Yang Sing Chinese restaurant in Manchester this evening.

Before we went, I got upset because I’d just found out Abby and Connor went to a kickboxing weapon training thing today but they hadn’t told me about it. Even if I hadn’t have gone, it would’ve been nice if they’d checked. Then Mum started mithering me to take Mollie for a walk while I was trying to wrap her presents. I just got pissed off and ended up crying all over Jake.

The meal this evening was really nice though. They made up a banquet for us when we got there and we had all sorts of food. We had the usual ribs and rice and stuff but then there were other things like mussels, squid, scallops and ostrich. They ostrich meat was sooo nice! I’ve never tried some of those things before and I was a bit wary at first but then pleasantly surprised when I tried them.

Bye!

Saturday 20th I went to Manchester with Jake today in search of a dress for my college leaving do in June. I didn’t end up getting one though. I really can’t shop properly with him cos I’m aware of him getting bored and then it rubs off on me! All I got was 2 bottles of nail varnish and an O’Neill purse to replace my other one that’s bursting a bit.

On the train, Jake told me that Matt Carrera and Samantha Breck (his mates) want him to go and stay with them at Huddersfield Uni sometime soon. I really don’t want him to go. Initially, I was worried that Samantha will have loads of girly mates and they’ll fancy him cos he’d be someone new to them and good looking.

Then I realised that if he goes now then he’ll know his way round by the time we both go in September. That wouldn’t be much fun with him telling me everything cos he always seems to do stuff first (e.g. snowboarding) that he says we’ll do together. I’d rather discover it all WITH him and don’t want him to spoil that too.

Then there’s the fact that Samantha has a definite bitchy streak and has showed it to me many times and I don’t want her poisoning him against me. She tried to put me off going out with him in the first place, even though she’s his “best friend”. I found out tonight that she even told my sister that it might not be a good idea for him to get into a relationship with me. Grrr!! I didn’t listen to her, obviously!

The reason she doesn’t like me is pathetic anyway. About 4 years ago, on the way back from the Austria ski trip, my best mate at the time (Emma T) ripped Samantha’s magazine accidentally and she’s held a grudge against us ever since. Sad!

Anyway, I understand that he wants to see his friends and stuff, and it’d be really selfish of me to stop him going but I still don’t like the idea.

Bye!

I’ll probably end up like her (great!) – 8th & 9th May

Tuesday 8th Eww!! I found out at college today that during Denny’s party on Saturday, Cat gave Floyd a blow job ON THE STAIRS!!! They must have been pissed because you just don’t do that! So many people walked past them and mustn’t have realised but the most disturbing part (which explains the ‘eww’ at the start of this entry) is that I spent quite a lot of time sat talking to people under the stairs so they were directly above us! At least Lizzie and Gethin went on a “walk” to do things like that!

Haha! Sarah said she heard noises at Cat’s house after the party and she said it was definitely Jake’s voice! I said I didn’t know what she meant and he was probably just dreaming but I don’t think she believed me. Oops!

Bye!

Wednesday 9th I had quite a lot of free time in college today but instead of revising, Karen took me, Lizzie and Sarah for a drive to relieve the boredom. We went all over the place and got completely lost down some country land near Antrobus, I think it was! We also saw a sign saying we’d entered the Borough of Macclesfield at one point!

On the way back, we took a detour through the south of Warrington to find Maz’s house who is a sort-of-ex of Sarah’s. She’s never seen his house before so we thought we’d go and check it out. We thought it’d be big and posh like most of them in that area but no, it was a scruffy little flat thing with overgrown hedges and peeling paint. Maybe that’ll go towards convincing her to get over him!

I saw Jake after college and we went to watch the bungee jumping that was going on at The Green Dragon pub across the road. We sat on a bench opposite because I used to work in that shithole and therefore did not really want to go in. It looked awful! I’d take a lot to get me ever doing it!

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When we got bored of watching people chickening out/wetting themselves, we took Mollie for a walk. Mum had gone out so I also made our own tea. Jake stayed a bit later than he normally would (and talked about what he’d want to buy if we had a house!) because we were waiting for Abby and her boyfriend Connor to get back from kickboxing because Connor offered to give Jake a lift home.

Mum got a bit annoyed with me and Abby after Jake and Connor went because she wanted to go to bed, I think. However, Abby couldn’t give a toss and went and shut herself in her room so I was left with Mum on my own so I was the one who got yelled at again.

Mum even admitted that it wasn’t particularly me she was annoyed with, it was more Abby because she shut her bedroom door and could’ve been doing anything in there with Connor. I continued trying to apologise and she started saying how I never do anything to help like walk the dog or make the tea (WHAT?!?) and then went to yell at Abby.

Abby told Mum she was pathetic and started swearing at her and stuff which made matters worse. Mum locked herself in the bathroom and was banging about a lot which scared me cos she was being really weird. I got really upset and kept saying sorry and Mum started saying things about nervous breakdowns/mid-life crisis/stress.

She eventually calmed down but told me that if I get so upset now, I’ll probably end up like her (great!) and unfortunately I can kind of see that! She calmed down more and said I’ve not got to take everything on board because I’m not the selfish one.

I spoke to Dad afterwards and he said that I’ve done nothing wrong really and we won’t be able to say/do anything right at the moment in Mum’s eyes. He was really chilled and made me feel better, especially when he laughed about Mum saying I’d end up like her! He kept telling me not to worry but I can’t help it. I don’t want a mental mother! I’ve got to stop getting upset so easily though.

Bye!

His vision was probably blurred with tiredness – 6th & 7th May

Sunday 6th Hellooooo!!! I thought I’d be different and write in orange for a change because it’s nice and bright after writing in black or blue all the time in college!

Welcome to my 22nd diary. That’s quite a lot of diaries I’ve written now!

Anyway, I didn’t really do all that much today because I was at Denny’s 18th birthday party last night and didn’t get much sleep! My boyfriend Jacob Taylor (who will either be known as Jake or J, depending on how much time/energy I’ve got to write!) came to my house this morning but he was tired too because he’d been at the party last night too and we both slept (or not!) on Cat’s living room floor. So, we just got into my bed today and slept for quite a while. We both woke up at various times and had a cuddle and kiss and stuff (his hands wandered!) before we got bored of lying around and took Mollie out for a walk round the field behind my house.

When we got back again, we were worn out so we just watched TV all evening so as to conserve energy! He kept telling me I’m gorgeous (his vision was probably blurred with tiredness!) and said he loves me lots of times! 🙂 Well I love him too!

Bye!

Monday 7th It’s a bank holiday this weekend so I didn’t have to go to college. 🙂 I should really have stayed home and revised for the exams that are looming in a few weeks but it’s been a really nice, sunny day so I didn’t really feel like staying indoors with giant folders of A-level notes. So instead, Jake and I went for a bike ride. We went up the road towards Liverpool and somehow ended up back in Cat’s village. I didn’t have a clue where I was until then!

We finally made it back home and I was just about to go and flop on my bed when Mum asked us to take Mollie for a walk. We just took her round the field again and there were loads of rabbits but Mollie could only smell them because she’s too short to see them over the grass!

When we got in we just lay about (knackered!) on my bed and watched TV and cuddled. He kept telling me I’m beautiful and said I’ve got nice shoulders! I don’t know where that came from! He kept telling me he loves to too. 🙂 Mmm. I like hearing that.

I’m really happy with Jake at the moment. To be honest, it all seems too good to be true sometimes! I get really scared sometimes that something’s going to go wrong and spoil it. I don’t know what I’d do so I hope that doesn’t happen.

Uhh, Mum’s just had a go at me because I asked if she could give me a lift home from college tomorrow. That’s all I said but she completely flew off the handle and started going on about how she’s got 3 things to do already tomorrow (work, take my sister to the Parr Hall for a Young Enterprise thing and see Grandma S).

I said it didn’t matter and I’d just walk home but then Abby shouted at me that there’d be no room in the car for me anyway cos her friends were getting a lift. Mum didn’t know Abby had volunteered her as a taxi but it was ME who got yelled at again! I ended up getting upset because that wasn’t fair that I got yelled at, just because Abby didn’t stick around.

Bye!

Wearing black balaclavas and pretending to be tadpoles – 28th & 29th April 2001

Saturday 28th I was with Jake all day today. 3 happened this morning but I’m still confused about last night and it was probably the real reason behind me getting upset so easily when my sister went a bit bitchy about going in the shower first.

It’s Sarah’s actual birthday today so me, her, Michael and Jake all went to see Bridget Jones’s Diary (again!) at the Trafford Centre cinema.

I got some messages off Jake when he went home which made me feel a bit better (but I’m still confused) about last night. One said. “ : ) HEY! I LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH! I’M SORRY FOR KEEPING YOU AWAKE! I THINK IT WAS MORE THAN WORTH IT THOUGH! : ) I JUST GET FRUSTRATED COS I WANT TO STAY IN YOUR BED. I WOKE UP AT 7AM + COULDN’T GET BACK TO SLEEP COS I WAS WAITING FOR YOU TO WALK THROUGH MY DOOR! I LOVE FALLING ASLEEP CUDDLING YOU + WAKING UP NEXT TO YOU! J xJx”.

Bye!

Sunday 29th Jake came to Mum’s school with me, Mum and Abby today to help make a pond in the corner of Mum’s classroom for the children to go underneath and play in wearing black balaclavas and pretending to be tadpoles! It looks really good!

This evening my state of confusion disappeared after the exchange of texts with Jake. 🙂 They weren’t very nice to start with but got better. Here goes:

  1. “Well I enjoyed it! Sorry I won’t bother in future! : ( Let’s face it – there’s not much chance of us having fun with them! x”
    (Last part was referring to Manchester and my mates.)
  2. “I’m so sorry! I just seem to be upsetting you all the time at the moment! : ( I always say something horrible or manage to upset you even more when you need cheering up! I’m a crap boyfriend! + I don’t know how you put up with me! I love you more than anything in the world + I’m so sorry! Please text me when you get credit. x”
    (I did have credit! Ha ha!!)
  3. “You said it continued to be a bad night! How do you think that made me feel? It put me off too!”
  4. “Noooo! : ) I wasn’t disappointed at all! I didn’t know what to do?! Don’t think that! Love you! : ) xJx”
  5. “ : ) I want to be with you now! : ) Anyway, I’m really sorry if I gave you the wrong impression – I certainly wasn’t disappointed! I love you! : ) xJx”

Finally! That’s what I needed to hear! He’s actually pretty considerate! I bet most lads wouldn’t think twice about upsetting me! Ooh, I love him!! 🙂

Bye!

What Hugo said was bollocks – 14th & 15th April 2001

Saturday 14th Jake came round today. We got into the subject of his family not liking me and he said it isn’t true and we both got upset over it. He made out that it was my fault anyway for not making an effort to speak to them. How can I when whenever I go to his house, his dad’s at work, his sister’s at the stables and his brother’s shut in his room? Even when I did speak to his dad, Jake always dragged me away or shut his bedroom door for fear of his dad saying something embarrassing to me.

He also told me that bastard Hugo said I come across as being rude and ignorant towards people. That’s just because last time I saw Hugo, I wasn’t exactly being nice to him but it was with good reason seeing as he’d slagged both me and Sarah off just before. Twat!

Jake did say that what Hugo said was bollocks though. Still, all that hasn’t exactly boosted my confidence.

Bye!

Sunday 15th Jake came round to mine again today. I gave him back scratches and stuff and he told me I’m very good at it! He kept called me his little Easter bunny today too! Ha ha ha!!

When Jake went home this evening, I overheard Mum and Dad talking about how I never go to his house and how we spent 8 hours in my room today. I got upset and asked why they said it and explained about Jake’s dad and brother not particularly liking me. They told me not to go O.T.T. and said I’m in a different sort of relationship to Abby and so to stop taking things they say about her on board. They said they understand me not wanting to go to Jake’s house though.

I made up with Mum. She said stuff about being middle aged and got upset. She told me I’m a very caring person really and that Jake’s lovely. She said me and her are both too sensitive and very alike which is why we get upset so easily.

Bye!

We have our feet firmly on the ground – 31st March 2001

Saturday 31st
5 days to go!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂

I was dreading my driving lesson today cos it was pouring with rain and I thought I’d be tackling roundabouts again but I actually enjoyed it! I got to drive through the countryside and down the dual carriageway and I overtook at big white van! 🙂 Then I went to near school and had to do 3 point turns. I didn’t think it was brilliant but my instructor said he wished everyone could do them that well the first time. He also said he was impressed with some of my driving today too. Cool!

My little bracelet that Jake sent me broke today so hopefully we’ll be even more in love when he gets back home! 🙂 I’d just begun to get upset cos I thought something had happened to Jake when he finally phoned at 9:20pm. He said they’d got a different instructor today so he had lunch at a different time. He said the Level 2 thing’s gone well so far but he’s no idea whether he’ll pass or not. We’ve both got colds so we shouldn’t have to worry about infecting one another when he comes home. I don’t think I’d really care anyway though! I told him my bracelet broke and he said he still loves me, which is good!

We were both just getting excited about next Friday and talking about when he gets home when the phone cut off. 😦 He didn’t ring back but it’s probably cos the phone stopped working and he had to get back to skiing anyway.

Abby rang at about 11:30pm to say she was staying over at Connor’s house. Mum started telling me how she’s really worried that Abby’s going to give up on going to uni and stuff cos she won’t want to be separated from him and would end up regretting it. She said he’s a nice lad but he’s really possessive and doesn’t give Abby any space, and Abby’s always tired cos she sees him then does her homework really late at night.

Mum said that Abby’s being really selfish too and she feels like she and Dad are just being used for money cos the other night, Abby and Connor were on their way to Manchester then saw Dad on his way home and came back to tell him where they were going and to get money.

Mum reckons Abby’s too young for such an “intense” relationship and she’s missing out on stuff with her mates cos of him. Mum said she doesn’t worry about me the same cos I’m older and Jake doesn’t ring every 10 minutes to check up on me and interrupt my homework.

She did start going on about her not wanting me to be heartbroken or anything but that things get better if that did happen. I hope it doesn’t! She just said that it happened to her after she’d been with a lad for about 2 years and then went to college and they split up. She agreed that Jake and I would be more likely to split up if we went to different unis though and also said that there’s no reason why we should split up and named loads of people who’d met when they were about 15 and are still together now.

She said she thinks Jake and I are right for each other and have common sense, are sensible and we have our feet firmly on the ground. [God, I’m dull, aren’t I? No wonder my teenage diary’s so boring!] That made me feel a bit better cos I didn’t like to hear stuff about splitting up and all that. I hope Jake and I stay together.

Bye!

Today’s emails →

31-03-01 Jake email31-03-01 Tess email

I was the table – 11th March 2001

Sunday 11th
3 weeks + 4 days to go!

I really couldn’t sleep last night. It was horrible! I was sort of half asleep and started thinking really surreal things. I kept waking myself up but every time I tried to sleep it happened again. It was weird! At one point, I felt like I was sat up and I was the table and other people were sat around me. Like I said, weird!

I had something similar ages ago when I felt like I was a triangle or something. That time I did have a temperature though. Maybe I’m not well now. I ended up sleeping in Mum’s bed cos I felt safer knowing someone was there. I seemed to get off to sleep fine then. This morning, I woke up feeling a bit dizzy and light-headed and I still feel a bit weird now.

Mum reckons I’ve got a bug that’s going round. She says she thinks she’s got it and some of the children and teachers at her school have it too. She says it’s one that lingers and some people have had it for about 3 weeks. She says people have been really weepy and tired but can’t sleep properly and have been stiff when they wake up. That’d make sense cos I got upset quite a bit last week, more than I normally would, and I’ve had a stiff neck when I wake up for all this week which fades as the day goes on. I’ve been really tired too but not sleeping well and I’ve got patchy bits on my tongue and had an ulcer, I think. They’re usually signs I’m coming down with something. Oh well, I hope I’m okay soon cos I don’t like whatever it is. It’s weird!

My driving lesson wasn’t too brilliant today. I was a bit wary of doing it cos I don’t feel 100% today at all but you can’t cancel this late without paying anyway. He took me around Warrington and it was all roundabouts, traffic lights and one-way systems. I kept getting confused and making silly little mistakes like forgetting the handbrake was on and stuff.

Jake phoned at about 5:30pm today which was a nice surprise cos I wasn’t expecting to hear from him until later on. He’s told me he isn’t coming home early after all. I wish he was so I am a bit disappointed. As long as he doesn’t end up staying much longer though, I don’t really mind too much!

We decided that we want to go Youth Hostelling around Scotland at some point in the summer cos we always joked about running away to Scotland together so we could be alone! I don’t know if it’ll happen cos I don’t know how much more either of us will have by then. I hope we can go though.

He told me about his Beetle and how shiny and new it apparently looks now it’s been restored. He said he really wants to be able to drive it again but that there’s not much chance of that now! He said it’s going to be famous cos some photos of it are going in a VW magazine article about the bloke who’s restoring it. Cool!

Even though Jake’s not coming home early now, he still keeps saying how much he wants to come home. I do believe him. He says he’s sort of got to stay for the full 3 months (now he’s not got the excuse of the snow melting to come home) cos he doesn’t want to seem ungrateful seeing as it’s all be paid for. I think I understand.

Uhh, I’m scared of trying to sleep again tonight. I don’t want any nasty dreamy things again cos I hate them! I hope my dreamcatcher works!

Bye!

Today’s emails →

11-03-01 Jake email11-03-01 Tess email

It’s all VERY dodgy!! – 22nd February 2001

Thursday 22nd
6 weeks to go!

Jake’s half way through his Canada trip now. I really want him to come home though because I’m REALLY REALLY missing him!!! 😦

I really should have been revising for my Biology exams next week today but instead I went with Mum to pick the car up from Warrington where it was being serviced. We had to go on the bus and there were a load of scally lads that used to be in my year on it. They didn’t do or say anything to me but they were sat behind us and made me feel really uncomfortable!

Not surprisingly, the car wasn’t ready when we got there so Mum and I went for a look around Matalan for half an hour. We went back to the car place and they finally said it was ready! We then went for a look round Ikea but not for long cos it was really busy. Mum then made me go in this new bathroom place so she could see if they had any good ideas that we could use in our bathroom. That didn’t take very long cos it was smaller than we thought.

On the way home, we went to have a look round the show homes that have been built on the old mental hospital site. One of them was really nice but the others had all the rooms in weird places e.g. the master bedroom opposite the living room.

I did do a bit of revision when I got home and then Jake phoned at about 7:15pm. He couldn’t stay on for very long though cos he started his assessment today and only had half an hour for lunch.

My sister phoned up tonight from France in floods of tears because of Mr L, a history teacher. Mum said she wasn’t making much sense but basically Jacqueline Robson and Katya W (out of my sister’s year) had been talking in the toilets about Mr L having flings with college students and Mrs L overheard them and told all the teachers that they were trouble making.

Mr L then went off his head at all the college girls and said they can’t go skiing tomorrow, including Abby which is why she was so upset cos she wasn’t really involved. It’ll probably get sorted out though.

The thing is that it’s totally true about Mr L. He’s slept with a girl called Donna Sharpe in College 1 and has been trying to get my mate Cat to do the same but she won’t. She’s snogged him and I think their hands have wandered though! I found it a bit hard to believe at first but Cat’s not the type to lie, plus I’ve seen the emails he’s sent her and he’s phoned her too. Some of my other friends have heard a voicemail message he left on Donna’s phone too. It’s all VERY dodgy!!

Bye!

Today’s emails →

22-02-01 Jake email22-02-01 Tess email

She sounded like a right cocky little slapper!  – 10th February 2001

Saturday 10th
7 weeks + 5 days to go!

I went to an open day at the Uni of Central Lancashire today. It was really, really disorganised! Nobody who was doing environmental stuff or geography had been sent a letter to say what was going on.

We were taken on a tour firth by a lad from Transylvania. He couldn’t speak much English and kept getting lost. I felt really sorry for him actually cos it was the 1st time he’d done a tour.

Everyone Mum and I spoke to seemed to be doing Forensic Science except one girl from Barnsley. Eventually we were told where we had to go and we were introduced to other people doing Geography and stuff who were a bit lost too.

One person was a lad called Christopher who was with his mum too so my mum and his started chatting. He was nice and smiley and kept looking at me. I could have fancied him, had I been single! He was from down south somewhere and wants to go to uni in Manchester. He reminded me a bit of Niall Cafferty in Jake’s year – I think it was his eyes.

There was only me there who was wanting to do Environmental Science! This bloke showed Mum and me round the department and told us about the course. I have to say, the field trips sound better than Huddersfield cos they go abroad (including Vancouver!) but I still want to go to Hudds cos overall it seems much better.

Mum and I had a quick look round Preston and she bought me some jeans from New Look. We were home by about 4:30pm so I got to speak to Jake at about 6:30. It was quite a bad line and I couldn’t hear him all that well actually. I told him about today but he didn’t have much to tell me.

His mate Ali is going over to visit him soon. That doesn’t seem fair! 😦 Jake said some other lad’s girlfriend is going over to visit and he’s really jealous! I wish I could go! His roommate even said that if I did visit, he’d sleep in someone else’s room so we could have it to ourselves. That’s really nice!

Some girl walked past the phone and shouted, “Hi Jacob’s girlfriend!” I don’t know why but that really pissed me off! I think he said it was that one called Abbie. It was just the way she said it, I think… she sounded like a right cocky little slapper! I think it’s the way she called him “Jacob” too (in that annoying whiney voice!) that annoyed me – she sounded familiar somehow.

I think it’s cos the only people I hear call him Jacob are his family and Hugo. I never call him anything to his face cos I don’t know what to call him. She did and that doesn’t seem right. I’ve always known him as Jake and he always writes “J” on everything but then other people call him Jacob. I’m just going to have to stick with “Oi!” until I’m told otherwise!

Bye!

Today’s emails →

10-02-01 Jake email10-02-01 Tess email