It’s all VERY dodgy!! – 22nd February 2001

Thursday 22nd
6 weeks to go!

Jake’s half way through his Canada trip now. I really want him to come home though because I’m REALLY REALLY missing him!!! 😦

I really should have been revising for my Biology exams next week today but instead I went with Mum to pick the car up from Warrington where it was being serviced. We had to go on the bus and there were a load of scally lads that used to be in my year on it. They didn’t do or say anything to me but they were sat behind us and made me feel really uncomfortable!

Not surprisingly, the car wasn’t ready when we got there so Mum and I went for a look around Matalan for half an hour. We went back to the car place and they finally said it was ready! We then went for a look round Ikea but not for long cos it was really busy. Mum then made me go in this new bathroom place so she could see if they had any good ideas that we could use in our bathroom. That didn’t take very long cos it was smaller than we thought.

On the way home, we went to have a look round the show homes that have been built on the old mental hospital site. One of them was really nice but the others had all the rooms in weird places e.g. the master bedroom opposite the living room.

I did do a bit of revision when I got home and then Jake phoned at about 7:15pm. He couldn’t stay on for very long though cos he started his assessment today and only had half an hour for lunch.

My sister phoned up tonight from France in floods of tears because of Mr L, a history teacher. Mum said she wasn’t making much sense but basically Jacqueline Robson and Katya W (out of my sister’s year) had been talking in the toilets about Mr L having flings with college students and Mrs L overheard them and told all the teachers that they were trouble making.

Mr L then went off his head at all the college girls and said they can’t go skiing tomorrow, including Abby which is why she was so upset cos she wasn’t really involved. It’ll probably get sorted out though.

The thing is that it’s totally true about Mr L. He’s slept with a girl called Donna Sharpe in College 1 and has been trying to get my mate Cat to do the same but she won’t. She’s snogged him and I think their hands have wandered though! I found it a bit hard to believe at first but Cat’s not the type to lie, plus I’ve seen the emails he’s sent her and he’s phoned her too. Some of my other friends have heard a voicemail message he left on Donna’s phone too. It’s all VERY dodgy!!

Bye!

Today’s emails →

22-02-01 Jake email22-02-01 Tess email

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Emma’s dyed her hair and now looks like a zebra/skunk! – 8th February 2001

Thursday 8th
8 weeks to go!

Robbie apologised to me today for what he said last Friday and says he’s going to ignore me tomorrow night just in case he says anything else! I’ll forgive him! He’s alright really… but then I was never that annoyed with him in the 1st place cos there was nothing too bad written in the letter (he still shouldn’t have read it but I can’t honestly say I wouldn’t have done!) and it was his dad who said something in the 1st place.

Everyone else seems to know about his dad coming round and phoning me and started asking me what he’d said and stuff today.

Emma let out the truth about why Declan dumped Lizzie today. There was a group of us sat around talking about Declan and Kim, and then Emma said, “I don’t know how she can face speaking to you, Lizzie, after what she did.” We all turned to face Emma saying, “WHAT?!” Emma then had to tell us that Robbie told her that Kim and Declan had shared a bed on Friday and things happened between them. Lizzie then, quite understandably, got upset. We were all blaming Declan until today and, yeh, it was his fault but Kim knew he had a girlfriend but still didn’t say no.

Declan then came over to me and Sarah later and swore down that all he and Kim did was kiss. Even so, it’s still not fair.

Jake phoned at about 6pm tonight. He was sure it’s Friday today but I put him straight! His email really confused me when I read it today cos he seemed to think I might be going out. Poor lad, he’d got all confused too! He didn’t have much to tell me so I updated him on the Lizzie and Declan situation and stuff!

Emma’s dyed her hair and now looks like a zebra/skunk! She’s got really blonde bits and black bits too! I didn’t like it at first but now I’ve got used to it, I think it looks quite good!

Bye!

Today’s emails →

08-02-01 Jake email08-02-01 Tess email

They think they could be pregnant! – 23rd January 2001

Tuesday 23rd
10 weeks + 2 days to go!

I had a geography module exam this morning. I only started revising last night so I’m not entirely sure how well it went!

Karen and Rory are officially a couple too now! This College 2 girl and College 1 lad thing’s really catching on! He asked her out via text message last night. It’s quite sweet actually but all these people getting together doesn’t half rub in the fact that I’m alone for ages and have to stay that way!

I suppose I should be grateful that I’ve got a nice, fit boyfriend, even if he is in Canada (which isn’t much use to me right now!) cos some people haven’t got anyone! Seeing Lizzie and Declan all over each other all the time certainly doesn’t help though cos I’m missing being like that with someone. 😦

Mind you, I’m not the only one feeling a bit sorry for myself at the moment. Sarah’s still miserable about Maz and not getting any emails from him when she checks every 5 minutes.

Cat’s also miserable about Mr L [one of our teachers] too but then so’s Donna Sharpe. Cat and Donna actually spoke to each other today about him and discovered the truth. He’s been stringing them both along. It turns out that the reason why Donna spread a rumour about Cat sleeping with Mr L is because she heard that he’d been giving her lifts home so she put 2 + 2 together and came up with that cos that’s exactly what he’d been doing to her.

Donna and Cat now both know that Mr L’s been contacting the other one and if one wouldn’t go round to his house, he’d ask the other. It turns out that the day Cat said no, he asked Donna and she did go round and she did sleep with him.

They’re now both angry with him rather than each other and they’re now plotting revenge! I mean, they could just get him sacked but before they do anything that drastic, they intend to play a few games with him.

There’ve been 2 ideas so far:

  1. Both go to him separately and tell him that they think they could be pregnant! However, that wouldn’t have worked because Cat’s never slept with him.
  2. Act like they’re best mates around him so that he’ll be left wondering whether they know about each other! I think they’ll do that one!

I still can’t believe all this! You hear about it happening to other people but it’s weird when it’s in your school, involving one of your friends!

Both Cat and I are being haunted by skiing! We REALLY want to go but can’t! Everything at the moment seems to revolve around skiing! Mainly it’s cos of the school trip at half term which everyone seems to be going on. Then, everybody is not only talking about it but got all their equipment sent to school today. And:

  • My sister’s using something about the heights of ski resorts for her maths coursework.
  • The PG Tips advert has got one of the chimps coming back from a skiing holiday on it.
  • Ski competitions are on the TV all the time.
  • There are loads of adverts in the paper about it.

Worst of all is Jake who’s getting to ski for 3 months! I know I shouldn’t be jealous of my own boyfriend but I can’t help it!

One of the things Jake and I planned to do together in the future was to go skiing but if I went with him he’d just try and tell me what I should/shouldn’t be doing cos he’ll be dead good (well, I think he is anyway) but I really want to go skiing! It’s not fair!

I pretty much told him all that on the phone tonight (he probably thinks I’m pathetic now!) cos all I wanted was reassurance that he won’t be like that and I will be able to ski again. But no! He almost completely agreed with me, saying we’d only end up falling out cos he’ll be better than me and I won’t like it! Fine then!

He didn’t really have much else to say as usual but I got another “I love you” out of silence! 🙂

I’ve just been having a really long talk with Mum. It was quite good! We have them every so often and just talk about all sorts. She told me I’m very wise and there’s common sense in everything I say, like Dad apparently. I told her I don’t like people very much (I mean, I do but I just don’t like how people have to make everything so complicated!) and she said Dad’s always said that! She says the wise part runs in his side of the family cos my Grandma’s the same. Mum said I’m like her in other ways though.

She can be interesting to talk to when you get into a proper conversation. I just wish she wouldn’t put herself down so much cos she’s not as bad as she seems to think!

Bye!

Today’s emails →

23-01-01 Jake email

23-01-01 Tess email

I need hugs all the time – 10th January 2001

Wednesday 10th That’s it, my last day with Jake over. 😦

This is what I wrote in my card to him. →

Letter to Jake

I didn’t go to college this morning because I’m not going to see him for so long so he came round to my house. When he came in, we just didn’t say anything and hugged instead which made us both cry a bit. We were both really tired so we went and lay on my bed and actually wasted time by falling asleep. It was nice though!

He took me to McDonald’s for lunch before I went to my biology lesson. I needed to go because Mr C was going through something that I haven’t understood.

When I met up with him again, we got a few photos of us copied for him to take with him and then we went to his house for a while so he could sort some stuff out.

We ate our last Chinese together for tea and then went to watch Charlie’s Angels at the cinema at the Trafford Centre in an attempt to take our minds off him leaving. It was a good film and we discovered you can move the armrests to make a double seat. It’s a shame we never discovered that before! We had a few really good kisses too!

I hadn’t got upset until he drove us back and we sat in the car park on Hodge Drive. We talked a bit but were mainly in floods of tears. He was crying so hard I was worrying about him at one point!

He drove me home at about 1am and we sat on my drive for a bit. I just couldn’t bring myself to get out of the car and leave him! We just couldn’t stop crying but we eventually had one last kiss and one last hug before I counted to 3 in my head and got out of the car. We waved at each other as he drove off and I watched him until I couldn’t see him round the corner.

When I got in, Mum was in bed but still awake and she have me a hug and told me it’d be okay. I hope she’s right! I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to him. I just love him so much!

I can’t believe I’m not going to be able to see him or touch him now. I need hugs all the time but he won’t be here anymore. 😦

He’s left me Preston, his pink shirt, his Issey Miyaki aftershave, a card and a 10 page letter which made me cry even more because it’s so nice.

I’m really going to miss him.

Bye!

[This is his card and 10 page letter to me…]

Jake's letter page 1

Jake's letter page 2

Jake's letter page 3

Jake's letter page 4

Jake's letter page 5

Jake's letter page 6

Jake's letter page 7

Jake's letter page 8

Jake's letter page 9

Jake's letter page 10

Then Jake had a nosebleed – 2nd to 3rd January 2001

[Oh, God. I knew this was coming up soon and have been dreading it. It took me a while to to even read the diary entry in full, never mind type it up. Probably best you don’t read it really. Ok, bye!]

Tuesday 2nd to Wednesday 3rd This evening, Jake and I plus Sarah, Lizzie, Cat, Karen, Gethin, Floyd and Hayley all went for a Chinese meal at Cathay Dim Sum at the Trafford Centre. We got a big banquet and it was really good apart from Hayley who wouldn’t try anything until she realised that if she had her own dish she’d have to pay less (but ate ours anyway), the stingy cow!

After the food, we all went to The Dog. It was sort of Jake’s leaving do so we had to go there for it’s like tradition now!

Hayley and I had some messages off Michael Amhurst arranging to meet up while he’s staying around here.

After Jake dropped everyone at home, we headed back to the Trafford Centre because he booked a room at the Travel Inn there for us. We wouldn’t have been able to stay anywhere on New Year’s Eve so we did it now instead. We were in room number 3 on the bottom floor which is the 2nd window to the right of reception, I think.

We had the TV on for a bit and just cuddled on the bed but Jake switched it off so we could talk instead. I was pretty tired and kept almost dosing off. I wouldn’t have done cos I was a bit nervous about what might happen later though. Even so, Jake kept telling me that I wasn’t allowed to fall asleep so he obviously wanted something to happen.

We both got into our pyjamas and brushed our teeth and stuff before switching the lights off and getting into bed. We kissed and stuff for a bit and then he reached for his toilet bag. At that point, my stomach started tying itself in knots!

He asked if I wanted to give it a go. I could very easily have chickened out but I forced myself to say yes cos deep down I wanted to so I didn’t want to let nerves stop me! He told me that he was nervous too and that it didn’t matter if it was a total disaster! That made me feel quite a lot better actually!

We were just kissing to begin with. It was about 2am by this time but I just wasn’t tired anymore. It must have been the adrenaline or something! I was kind of wanting him to just hurry up so we could just do it and get it over with!

We did in the end. It was nowhere near as bad as I thought it’d be but it still wasn’t brilliant! It seemed to be over really quickly and he apologised. I didn’t really know why he’d said sorry so I asked him a few minutes later when we were just lying there. He took ages to think how he could say it and there were a lot of erms and ums before he said we just need a bit more practice.

We just lay there for ages and I might possibly have dosed off for a bit but there was a point when we were both awake and Jake asked if I wanted to give it another go. I ended up saying no because I’d been bleeding a tiny bit. I think that’s normal but me, being me, worried about it a bit anyway!

A bit later on, I woke up and felt a wet patch on my head. I had no idea what it was until I turned to Jake and saw him crying. I thought at first it was because I’d said no but then he explained it was because he doesn’t want to go to Canada.

We both fell asleep in the end and, when we woke up this morning, we stayed in bed for ages, just cuddling. We eventually had to get out of bed when the cleaners started going round the rooms. One knocked on our door but we had loads of time left before we had to go so she went away again.

Then Jake had a nosebleed. I think it was because he’d been blowing his nose a lot to try and clear it cos he’s got a cold but it was quite a bad one

When we got back to my house, we took Mollie for a walk and then collapsed on my bed. We just chatted and stuff.

This evening, we went round to Floyd’s for a bit and then later I got a message from Jake saying he’s sorry and that he feels stupid. I think he was referring to last night so I reassured him it wasn’t that bad and he seemed to cheer up a bit!

Bye!

He thought I was going to dump him – 9th to 12th December 2000

Saturday 9th Jake and I went to that IMAX thing at The Printworks in Manchester. We went to see one called “Extreme” which was a mistake cos it just made me want to go skiing even more! It was quite good but we were really disappointed cos we thought they were all 3D and that one wasn’t.

On the way out, Jake was dawdling so I got pissed off and sped up walking. That was stupid cos we ended up getting split up and I was on my own in the middle of Manchester. I was just beginning to panic when I saw him over the road. He saw me too and must have known I was worrying but he just stood there and didn’t come over.

Once we got back to the car we made up but I was still a bit pissed off cos he left me stood there.

Bye!

Sunday 10th Jake and I had another fall out tonight. It started off cos of that cowboy hat I bought and him saying I don’t have the self-confidence to wear it, amongst a few other things which upset me too. I told him he could go home if he wanted and he left.

Later on I got bored and felt guilty so I texted him. He sent back a really long apology and came back. He told me he was just sat in a car park in the next village, just in case I forgave him. He then went all cuddly and said he’d dreaded reading my message cos he thought I was going to dump him! I wouldn’t!

Bye!

Monday 11th Jake and I have been going out for 10 whole months!! That seems like ages!

We went to IMAX again and saw a 3D one called Cyberworld 3D. It was sooo good!

In the car park later, we both got upset because we realised how little time we’ve got left together before he leaves.

As we were driving, he ended up getting caught by both a speed camera and one as he went through and amber light. That’s not good!

Bye!

Tuesday 12th A few of my mates met up in The Coach tonight and then moved on to The Dog. It was quite good actually. We’ve started to plan our trip to Barcelona. So far, the definites are Jake, Cat, Sarah and I, and the maybes are Hayley, Gethin and Emma.

Again, Jake and I ended up in tears in the car later because of Canada. I really don’t want him to go!

Bye!

Just cos he’s got a microphone, he think he’s God! – 20th to 30th November 2000

Monday 20th The subject of 5 came up between me and Jake again tonight. Neither of us want to wait much longer but we don’t seem to believe each other when we say we’re sure.

For example, I got a message saying, “YOU SAID THAT YOU THOUGHT I DON’T WANT TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT – THAT I’D RATHER WAIT! WELL, I DON’T WANT TO WAIT! : ( IF YOU DON’T WANT ANYTHING TO HAPPEN THEN YOU SHOULD TELL ME! I’LL UNDERSTAND IF YOU’RE WORRIED OR WHATEVER! I REALLY CAN’T WAIT! xJx”.

Bye!

P.S. I’ve just got another message from Jake saying, “OF COURSE I AM! YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT I BOTTLE THINGS UP! I NEVER REALLY ADMIT TO STUFF LIKE BEING WORRIED! REMEMBER AT HAYLEY’S SISTER’S? YOU COULD HAVE SAVED ME A LOT OF WORRYING BY LETTING ME KNOW NOTHING COULD HAPPEN – EVEN IF WE WANTED TO! WHY DO YOU THINK I WOULDN’T LET YOU LOOK IN MY BAG! I FELT SO STUPID! OK SO WE WOULDN’T BE IN AS MUCH OF A HURRY IF I WASN’T FOR ME LEAVING BUT BY ANYONE’S STANDARDS WE’VE BEEN VERY SLOW! WE SHOULD HAVE DONE IT BEFORE NOW – REGARDLESS OF ME GOING ANYWHERE! LOVE xJx”.

I feel really guilty about Hayley’s sister’s now!

Wednesday 22nd Kickboxing was really good tonight and the instructor said to me, “Good girl! At least one of you knows what you’re doing!” and then later, “That was very good! How come you’re better than the rest of them?!”

Cool!

Bye!

Monday 27th Other than my hand still being numb, I discovered a lump on my back last Thursday. What now?!

Jake, Abby, Connor and I all went to Chester Zoo today cos college had an inset day and we had nowt to do. It was really good! There were baby orangutans and a baby elephant but we all agreed the meerkats were the best!

When we got home, Jake told me I’m gorgeous and that the gap in my teeth is sexy! I think not!

Bye!

P.S. I had a message from Jake saying, “DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORST THING ABOUT THIS IS? WHEN I GET BACK IT’S GOING TO BE DIFFERENT THAN IT IS NOW! EVERY TIME I THINK ABOUT IT IT JUST CUTS ME UP! I LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH! I DON’T WANT TO LOSE YOU, EVER! xJx”.

Tuesday 28th I did the pub quiz at The Coach and Horses with Hayley, Sarah, Georgia and Floyd. Big Paul does it and it’s crap! Just cos he’s got a microphone, he think he’s God!

Bye!

Wednesday 29th Kickboxing was good again. Dave (the instructor) tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Not bad! But then you’re the best one of the quartet!” The quartet is me, Abby, Evie and Debbie F.

Bye!

Thursday 30th I was sooo pleased this morning because I went to check the UCAS website to see if they’d put my Leeds offer up (they want B, C and C) and I looked and it said I had 2 conditional offers from Huddersfield, both for 14 points! That’s where I really want to go, partly because Jake’s going there (he wants me to as well) so I went to phone him straight away.

My good mood went away pretty quickly because nobody seemed all that pleased for me. I thought they knew how much I want to go there.

Bye!