I’m beginning to think that boy’s blind! – 17th July 2000

Monday 17th I had a minor text argument with Jake last night! It started off when I mentioned that Abby had Connor round again yesterday evening and that it wasn’t fair, meaning that they’re always together and we haven’t seen each other for ages. To that, Jake said, “I KNOW THIS IS TORTURE BUT IT WILL BE SOOO NICE WHEN WE’RE TOGETHER AGAIN! YEH THEY DO SEEM TO SEE A LOT OF EACH OTHER – BUT SHE HAS FINISHED SCHOOL AND…” and then, “I WOULDN’T FEEL RIGHT SPENDING WHOLE DAYS N NIGHTS AT YOUR HOUSE – IT’S NOT REALLY FAIR! LOVE YOU!!! : ) xJx”.

I agreed and said I’d much rather get of the house anyway and Jake then came out with, “WE ARE MUCH DIFFERENT TO YOUR SIS N CONNOR ANYWAY – FOR A START WE ARE MUCH QUIETER (WELL I AM ANYWAY) AND I DON’T WANT TO BE LIKE THEM OR COMPARED TO THEM!…” and then, “WE ARE WHO WE ARE AND I’M HAPPY ABOUT THAT – I LOVE YOU, NOT YOUR SIS! CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU EITHER! IT WILL BE SOOO GOOD AND WELL WORTH THE WAIT! REALLY LOVE YOU! x”.

That message was the one that began to annoy me cos some of the stuff he said was unprovoked so I asked why he’d said that about loving me and not my sis and I told him I hadn’t compared anyone! I also asked what brought it on and he said, “JUST THE WAY YOU TALK ABOUT THEM! I KNOW YOU DON’T LIKE HIM BEING THERE ALL THE TIME! MEANT THAT WE ARE WELL SUITED!! MAYBE THEY ARE TOO!??” LOVE xJx”.

That message irritated me further so I asked why he was so bothered. He said, “YOU’RE ALWAYS MOANING THAT HE’S ALWAYS AT YOUR HOUSE OR WITH YOUR SIS – IT DOESN’T MATTER! I JUST DON’T LIKE BEING COMPARED – NOT THAT I WAS! I LIKE TO BE…” and, “DIFFERENT THAT’S ALL! IF YOU UNDERSTOOD ME IT WOULD BE BORING WOULDN’T IT!?! I KNOW I COME OUT WITH FUNNY STUFF BUT I WOULDN’T BE ME IF I DIDN’T! : ) LOVE xJx”.

Those messages just made him sound full of himself! I began to get upset after that cos I hadn’t compared him to anyone so I didn’t really understand what I’d said to annoy him. Plus I was angry too and it was late so I was tired. I couldn’t leave it though cos I don’t like going to sleep with an argument going on so I sent him another telling him I didn’t even know what I’d said. He told me, “I CAN’T REMEMBER EITHER – JUST FORGET I SAID IT! : ) JUST YOU SOUND JEALOUS SOMETIMES COS THEY’RE TOGETHER ALL THE TIME AND WE’RE NOT! IN A WAY THAT MEANS WE…” and then, “HAVE A STRONGER RELATIONSHIP – IF WE CAN STILL LOVE EACH OTHER THIS MUCH EVEN WHEN WE’RE HUNDREDS OF MILES APART FOR SO LONG! REALLY HAPPY THAT’S ALL! : ) LOVE xJx”.

I told him that I’m not exactly happy right now and said that maybe I was a bit jealous, especially when Connor and Abby parade around in front of me. Jake said, “AAH! I’M SORRY! : ( YOU’LL BE HAPPY SOON – JUST WISH IT WAS SEPTEMBER – THEN I WOULDN’T BE GOING ANYWHERE! LOVE xJx”.

I felt like sending him another asking what made him think I’d be so happy! Instead I just left it and went to sleep cos I’d got the apology I wanted!

This morning I sent Jake a message when I found out that one of the teachers isn’t going to Valkenburg to tell him there might be a spare seat on the coach. He replied said, “OH GOOD! : ) (NOT THAT SHE’S IN HOSPITAL THOUGH!) I’M SORRY ABOUT WHAT I SAID LAST NIGHT! I’M JUST VERY UPTIGHT AND CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU! LOTS OF LOVE xJx”.

I didn’t send one back all day, partly because I felt like worrying him for upsetting me but also cos I wanted to see if he’d send me a message without me sending one first.

Finally, at 3:54, he said, “HI! ARE YOU UPSET WITH ME? : ( WE’VE JUST ARRIVED IN RADSTADT! HAVING A DRINK AT THE SONNEGG BAR! ARE YOU ALRIGHT? SORRY ABOUT LAST NIGHT – I HAVEN’T STOPPED…” and then, “THINKING ABOUT YOU ALL DAY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW?? LOVE YOU! xxx JAKE xxx”.

After that, I was satisfied he was sorry so I replied. I told him he had upset me a bit but that I was okay now and told him we’ve got a new car (it’s a green Ford Mondeo). He said, “I DON’T KNOW WHY I SAID WHAT I SAID AND I’M REALLY SORRY! WHAT CAR HAVE YOU GOT THEN? IT’S SOOO WEIRD BEING HERE – OHH THE MEMORIES! CAN’T STAY AT THE HOSTEL : ( LOVE xJx”.

I asked what it was that I said that annoyed him and he told me, “IT WAS WHEN YOU SAID THAT IT WASN’T FAIR THAT THEY SEE EACH OTHER SO MUCH! THOUGHT YOU WERE SAYING IT WAS MY FAULT! JUST PUT IT BEHIND US AND LOOK FORWARD TO…” and then, “NEXT WEEK! I WAS JUST HAVING A HORRIBLE DAY AND WAS IN A BAD MOOD, THAT’S ALL – WASN’T YOUR FAULT! : ) LOVE xJx”. I told him I never said it was his fault and then we just decided not to mention it again.

Jake phoned me tonight. He told me about Radstadt and where he’s going next and everything. I had nothing to tell him at all! I then mentioned me being ill and he started asking why I’d been on antibiotics for a long time before I didn’t want to tell him it was for my skin so I said something about a throat infection.

Then he said something about me being ill 3 times in 5 months or something. I think it annoyed me cos he keeps bringing it up and sounding as if he think I’m really weak and sickly or something. So, I started saying, “Haven’t you got to phone Gethin or something?” and he started groaning, saying he’d rather speak to me and stuff.

It wasn’t until I got off the phone that I started thinking. I think I kept getting annoyed with him more than I normally would cos, deep down, I’m blaming him for making me even more miserable by going away. The fact that I’ve had a really crap time since he went away and he’s having a good one adds to the jealousy factor and all. It shouldn’t be like that! I was happy before and I’m just not now. I’m so worried that it won’t go back to how it was again. I can’t even remember all that well what it was like to be with him. This cannot be good!

I’ve just sent Jake another message saying how I really do hope we get back to normal and being happy cos I’ve had a horrible few weeks. He said, “I REALLY MISS OUR FRIDAY NIGHTS TOGETHER! : ( WANT TO GET BACK TO NORMAL! IF MISS M’S NOT GOING THERE’S NO REASON WHY I CAN’T SEE YOU!? YOU SAID YOU’D HAVE TO BE V UNLUCKY!…” and then, “THIS WILL ALL BE OVER SOON! JUST WANNA GET BACK TO WALKING BACK FROM THE DOG ETC… MISS YOU, MISS THE CUDDLES, MISS EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU! I CAN’T IMAGINE…” and then, “BEING WITH OR LOVING ANYONE ELSE AS MUCH AS YOU! x”.

Okay, that’s all it took to cheer me up! I hope that was from him alone and he wasn’t surrounded by his mates giggling at him! It was very soppy but so what?! It was lovely to read and I need to read something like that!

Just as I thought that was the last of the messages, I got another 2 saying, “YOU’RE MY PROPER FIRST GIRLFRIEND AND THE FIRST PERSON I’VE EVER LOVED! WANT TO BE WITH YOU FOREVER! YOU’RE A SPECIAL PERSON AND YOU’RE SO IMPORTANT TO ME!…” and then, “I HAVEN’T GOT MUCH ELSE TO LIVE FOR! JUST WANT TO BE WITH YOU FOREVER! CAN’T EXPRESS THAT ENOUGH! YOU KNOW THAT DON’T YOU?! YOU’RE THE BEST THING IN MY LIFE! xJx”.

I sent one back reassuring him that I feel the same and he said, “YEH I THINK I KNOW HOW MUCH I MEAN TO YOU – BUT ONLY YOU CAN KNOW THAT! CAN’T PUT HOW I FEEL INTO WORDS EITHER! YOU ARE SPECIAL TO ME – YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND I LOVE YOU x”. [I suspect he’d had a few bevvies that evening!]

Erm… no I’m not!! I’m beginning to think that boy’s blind! Maybe he’s forgotten what I look like or something!

Next I got, “YOU MAKE ME SOOO HAPPY TOO! DON’T EVER WANT TO FALL OUT WITH YOU! NEARLY JUST GOT LOCKED IN THE BAR SONNEGG CLUB – AND LEFT MY PHONE! : ( LOVE YOU!!! : ) xJx”.

That ended up being the last one, I think.

Bye!

Advertisements

I accidentally sent it to Jake – 9th July 2000

Sunday 9th I had a message on my phone from Jake when I looked at it this morning. He’d sent it at 3:48 this morning and it said, “REALLY SORRY – FELL ASLEEP AS SOON AS I GOT IN! DOESN’T SOUND LIKE TOO GOOD A NIGHT! IT’S NICE PEOPLE NOTICED! : ) HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER WHEN YOU READ THIS! LOVE YOU!” I forgot, I’d also told him last night that people had noticed he wasn’t at Denny’s. Actually, it was only one person but that wouldn’t have sounded too good!

I sent him a message a bit later on asking what he was up to today. He told me, “WELL NOT A LOT REALLY – BEING REALLY LAZY AND ITALIANS EAT A LOT! GOING ROUND ROME LATER THEN WE’RE GOING TO THIS GAY/LESBIAN PARTY TONIGHT!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? xJx”.

I said I was doing my Biology homework and then told him that he’d just reminded me that MiniFloyd had been asking after him on Friday and I also asked if Gethin had texted him yet. He said, “YEH HE DID TEXT ME – ONLY PROBLEM BEING I HAD FALLEN ASLEEP AND YOUR MSG WHICH I ONLY READ AT 4:30 BLOCKED MY SIM CARD! I WAS CHATTING TO HIM BEFORE ANYWAY!…” and next, “WHY WAS MINIFLOYD AT DENNY’S??? I’VE KIND OF PERSUADED THE OTHER 2 TO STAY IN AMSTERDAM INSTEAD OF CARRYING ON – SO WE COULD ALL GO TO VALKENBURG FOR A DAY/NIGHT! LOVE xJx”.

I told him not to force Ali and Arran to stay cos there’s not really much point in even Jake coming to Valkenburg because I’ll be doing concerts all the time. I told him I didn’t mind if he didn’t really want to go. He said, “NO – WE’RE GETTING TO AMSTERDAM THE DAY BEFORE YOU ARRIVE – CHARLIE’S GONNA LEAVE US THE NEXT MORNING! THEY SAID THEY DON’T MIND BUT I AGREE THERE’S NOT MUCH POINT!…” and then, “BUT I WANT TO SEE YOU AT SOME POINT – ESPECIALLY IF I CAN’T GET THE COACH HOME! CHARLIE SAYS YOU DON’T GET ANY DAYS OFF! IS THAT RIGHT?? NEED TO SEE YOU! LOTS OF LOVE!”

I told him I don’t know what we’re doing but that I feel like it’s a bit unfair that he’s the one that’s got to do the extra travelling and stuff. I got 3 messages in reply saying “WELL WE’RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE THEN IF THERE IS A SEAT ON THE COACH! IF NOT AND I CAN’T SEE YOU THEN I’M GONNA GO HOME ANYWAY COS I WAS ONLY GONNA STAY…” and then, “TO SEE YOU! NO WAY I’M SPENDING A WHOLE WEEK IN AMSTERDAM! I DON’T MIND COMING DOWN TO SEE YOU IF YOU HAVE TIME – I’LL HAVE TRAVELLED ALL ROUND EUROPE – 3 HOURS…” and lastly, “WON’T BE ANY TROUBLE! I’VE DECIDED – I DON’T LIKE HOLIDAYS ANYMORE! : ( LOVE YOU!… MISS YOU… WANT YOU NOW! xxx Jake xxx”.

Later on I was sending a message to Gethin telling him how we might not see Jake in Holland and that I’m not pleased but I accidentally sent it to Jake instead and he sent me one back letting me know! I apologised and asked if he’d got any others meant for other people and told him that I couldn’t really explain it all fully in texts anyway.

He said, “OK YOU’RE FORGIVEN! : ) LUCKILY FOR YOU I ONLY GOT ONE – I DON’T WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU WROTE IN THE OTHER ONE! SPOSE NOT BUT YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO PUT IT LIKE THAT!…” and then, “I’M NOT PLEASED EITHER!!! LOTS OF LOVE xJx”.

I asked what he thought I’d put it like and he said, “NO – JUST THE WAY YOU SAID YOU WEREN’T PLEASED WITH ME! : ( I’M DOING MY BEST – I HAD MY HEART SET ON SEEING YOU IN HOLLAND! : ( AND HOPEFULLY I WILL…” and then, “OTHERWISE I HAVE NOTHING TO AIM FOR – NOTHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO!! LOVE YOU! xJx”.

I explained that I didn’t say I wasn’t pleased with him, just that I wasn’t pleased but I didn’t get another message in reply to that. So, tonight I sent him another message asking what he’s up to and if he’s still annoyed with me but he said, “OF COURSE I’M NOT ANNOYED – I NEVER WAS! : ) I’M SAT IN A PIZZERIA WAITING FOR THE BILL! GOING TO SOME BARS LATER THOUGH! HOW LONG ARE YOU IN LONDON FOR? LOTS OF LOVE!”

I told him it was only overnight but Abby and Connor (my sister and her boyfriend) had still been arranging when they were going to phone each other. I also pointed out that she’s not told him about our Holland trip and that’s a whole week! Jake said, “OK! AHH HOW SWEET! AT LEAST YOUR MUM WILL GET A WEEK WITHOUT HIM STAYING OVER! YOU KNOW HOW YOU BROUGHT ME BACK THE SHELL, PINE CONE AND STICK FROM YOUR BIOLOGY FIELDTRIP? WELL I’VE GOT…” and then, “A GOOD LITTLE COLLECTION GOING SO FAR! YOU’LL HAVE TO WAIT TO SEE IT THOUGH! LOVE xJx”.

I asked if his mates think he’s mad (cos mine did!) and told him I’d bring him back a bit of the Millennium Dome or something. He replied, “AAH THANKS! YEH FOR 1 PARTICULAR ITEM THEY THOUGHT I’D GONE MAD – BUT I DON’T CARE! IT KEEPS ME OCCUPIED AND THINKING OF YOU! : ) NOT THAT I NEEDS TO TRY! LOVE xJx”.

I told him that I was slightly worried about receiving whatever he’s found me and that it’s so long until I find out. He said, “OH YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORRY! I WISH IT WASN’T SO LONG TOO! THIS IS REALLY DRAGGING ON! GOT SOME INTERESTING STUFF THOUGH! STILL NOT SPOKEN TO HAYLEY?? LOVE xJx”.

I told him that I haven’t had chance to speak to Hayley (not that I really want to though!) and said that my shell etc. are probably going to seem really pathetic compared to whatever he’s found me. Jake said, “NO – I REALLY LIKED WHAT YOU GOT ME! I’ll TREASURE THEM FOREVER! I AGREE – EUROPE’S A BIT MORE INTERESTING THAT AINSDALE! LOVE YOU TOO MUCH! xJx”.

Oh! I’m missing him soooo much!!

Bye!

Gethin thinks he’s fit! – 8th July 2000

2018-04-30-18-49-49.jpg

[Diary number 19 – only £1.09!]

2018-04-30-18-49-00.jpg

Saturday 8th I got woken up this morning by my mum handing me some post which had come for me. One was just a thing from the bank but the other was a postcard from my boyfriend, Jake Taylor (a.k.a. J when I can’t be bothered writing Jake!).

2018-04-30-19-36-57.jpg

CYMERA_20180430_195026.jpg

He’s gone with 3 of his friends for a month long trip around Europe because he’s finished his A Levels now and has loads of time. So far, they’ve been to Barcelona, Nice, Monte Carlo, Pisa and Rome. The last place they’re going is Amsterdam but Jake said he’ll meet me in Valkenburg because that’s where I’m going with Swing Band this year. One of the lads he’s with, Charlie Wilson, has got to be there anyway because he’s one of our drummers.

It was nice to get a postcard (even though I’ve been getting text messages from him because he’s got a posh phone that works abroad) because it’s something I can keep. He’s got really nice writing, although it reminds me of my dad’s!

I’m getting really jealous of Jake now because he keeps telling me all the nice places he’s been to and what he’s been doing while I’m stuck here with tonsillitis and college to go to! Plus I’m missing him loads.

I texted Jake this morning to let him know I got the postcard and I told him that I wished I wasn’t stuck here! He replied saying, “I MAY BE HAVING A GOOD TIME (ACTUALLY I’D CALL IT INTERESTING) BUT I MISS YOU SOOO MUCH TOO! DON’T THINK THAT I’M HAVING LOADS OF FUN – I’M NOT! ALL I WANT IS YOU! xJx”.

I then told him not to bother about me because he’s on holiday and he made it sound like I was stopping him enjoying himself! I reassured him that where he is has to be better than here too! He said, “YEH BUT MISSING YOU BOTHERS ME A LOT! SO MUCH THAT I CAN’T BE BOTHERED ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE! I AGREE IT’S BETTER THAN BEING WHERE YOU R – BUT I WANT TO BE WHERE U R! x”.

I then told him to at least try not to let it bother him and I said that it’d be better if I was where he is instead! He then said, “I’LL TRY! : ) YEH OK – I’D RATHER U WERE HERE! I’M LYING IN A HUGE DOUBLE BED WITH A BIG CEILING FAN – NICE N COOL! YOU CAN HAVE SOME OF OUR SUN…” and then, “WE’VE GOT A HEATWAVE AND MY SUNBURN IS WORSE THAN YOURS! WE’LL SEE WHO’S GOT THE MOST TANNED ARMS IN 2 WEEKS! (AND FACE N BACK N LEGS!) OWW! IT HURTS! LOVE xJx”.

He’d look weird with a tan cos I’m so used to him being the shade of milk! I asked him if he had to share the bed with anyone and then told him that I didn’t really care about getting tanned cos I’d rather get better. Jake then said, “WELL ARRAN WAS SLEEPING AT THE OTHER END! YEH YOU SHOULD JUST TRY N GET BETTER OTHERWISE I’M COMING HOME EARLY! I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE GOING SOMEWHERE BUT I CAN’T GET UP x”. That would be Arran B, one of his mates, the other 2 being Charlie and Ali.

I then told Jake that he is not coming home early cos I’d feel really guilty if he missed out on anything, so he said, “OK! WE’LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS! CHARLIE SAYS ED IS GOING BACK ON THE COACH SO PRAY THAT THERE IS A SPARE SEAT! TELL GETHIN THAT HE SHOULD GET HIS SKINNY ARSE TO ROME…” and then, “COS THERE’S A GAY PRIDE MARCH ON – THE PLACE IS FULL! I’LL PHONE YOU TONIGHT IF YOU’RE NOT ASLEEP OR AT DENNY’S! LOTS OF LOVE!!! xJx”.

Those 2 messages were about my friend Ed (also a member of Swing Band) deciding to get the coach to Calais with the rest of us. You see, he’s got a job in France for a few weeks and was going to get the train there instead so then Jake would’ve had his place on the coach but it’s unfortunately not going to happen like that now.

They were also about Gethin who is one of my best mates and who is also bisexual apparently. We all believe him. In fact, most people reckon he’s just plain gay and there’s a lot of money riding on it too!

After he sent that message, I replied telling him to watch himself because he seems to attract lads! He’s got a little admirer in Year 7 called Philip Daly (a.k.a. MiniFloyd cos we’re mates with his older brother, Floyd!) and also Julian, a gay lad who we’re mates with, and Gethin thinks he’s fit! I can’t say I blame them really!

I also told Jake I was going to a small party at Denzel Chadwick’s house (Denny, as he’s more commonly known) tonight. His reply was, “OK THEN I’LL WATCH OUT! : ) WHAT TIME R U GOING COS I MISS THE SOUND OF YOUR VOICE! : ) LOVE YOU!!! xxx Jake xxx”. I told him I didn’t know and he said, “OK WELL TEXT ME ABOUT AN HOUR BEFORE YOU’RE GONNA GO! : ) COS I MAY BE SOMEWHERE WHERE I CAN’T CALL YOU – LIKE A CHURCH OR SOMETHING! SPEAK TO YOU LATER! LOVE xJx”.

Jake phoned me at about half past 5. He was just telling me about where he’s staying in Rome and that Florence and Venice are the next couple of places they’re going to. I filled him in on what’s been happening here, which didn’t take long at all! He said “love you” before he went, even though I could her that there were people around him.

I got a lift to Denny’s with Sarah tonight. There weren’t that many people there but it was quite good. That was until I started feeling ill again! I ended up leaving at about 10:30 cos all I wanted to do was go to bed! Not a lot was happening anyway and, of course, Jake wasn’t there.

I got another message off him when I got home saying, “HELLO! : ) HOW’S THE PARTY THEN? PUNCHED HAYLEY YET? I’M AT SOME KIND OF FESTIVAL – IT’S GOT CHEAP BEER N LOUD MUSIC ANYWAY! DID YOU ENJOY YOUR RIBS? LOTS OF LOVE! xJx”. I explained that Hayley (who’s being a bitch to Sarah) didn’t turn up and that Gethin hadn’t brought the barbecue ribs.

I didn’t get a reply so I’m going to bed!

Bye!

 

SHE IS NOT MY BEST MATE!!! – 7th July 2000

Friday 7th I didn’t go to college again because I seem to have scarlet fever or something now!

Sarah came round too cos she was skiving college (hope she doesn’t catch it!) to avoid Hayley who’s still being her bitchy little self! It’s all over Hayley reading a bit out of Sarah’s diary about her being hypocritical an also something about Lena and then went round telling everyone which is totally out of order.

Sarah’s very rightly annoyed with Hayley and Hayley’s annoyed with Sarah for being annoyed with her. Follow?! Now I’ve been dragged into it somehow cos Hayley’s been slagging me off to various people, saying how a best mate should be loyal and stick by her and stuff. She’s just trying to shift the guilt onto someone else cos she knows she’s the one that’s wrong but:

  1. I’ve not said a word about it to her since it all started so how does she know I’m being disloyal? (As it happens, I’ll be siding with Sarah on this one if she brings it up!)
  2. SHE IS NOT MY BEST MATE!!! It’s all in her head! Twisted cow!

Anyway, Sarah and I spent the day happily distorting photos of Hayley’s face on the computer! 🙂

I’ve had loads of messages from Jake today. I sent the first one asking what he was doing and he told me, “I’M SITTING ON A VERY LONG TRAIN JOURNEY TO ROME! IT’S NOT THAT HOT TODAY BUT IT’S REALLY BORING! DO YOU FEEL ANY BETTER?? FEEL AWFUL COS I’M NOT WITH YOU! LOVE xJx”.

I then told him that if he was with me then he’d only end up catching it but he said, “I WOULDN’T MIND CATCHING IT IF IT MEANT I COULD SEE YOU! YOU WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO KEEP ME AWAY FROM YOU! LOVE YOU! x”.

I then pointed out that in 2 weeks’ time I should be in Valkenburg and his reaction was, “YIPPEEE! CAN’T WAIT! YOU BETTER GET WELL BEFORE THEN! HOLLAND SEEMS SO FAR AWAY – IN DISTANCE AND TIME! WANT IT TO HURRY UP – LOOKING FORWARD TO IT SOOO MUCH! xJx”.

I sent him another after that saying how I had a concert at the Parr Hall with Swing Band tonight but it took him a while to reply. He said, “SORRY I  HAVEN’T REPLIED – JUST GOT TO CHARLIE’S AUNT’S HOUSE IN ROME! DON’T DO THE CONCERT – I WANT YOU TO GET BETTER – STAY IN AND REST! : ) NOT BEEN A WEEK YET!…” Then I got the same one again and then another similar one. He must have thought it hadn’t sent! He said, “SORRY I HAVEN’T REPLIED – JUST GOT TO ROME! DON’T DO THE CONCERT – I WANT YOU TO GET BETTER SO REST INSTEAD! : ) THIS IS THE 1ST FRI NIGHT WITHOUT YOU FOR AGES!! : ( xJx”.

Then almost straight away I got, “HAH! FORGOT TO SAY – THIS AMERICAN GIRL ON THE TRAIN WAS READING THIS SOPPY ROMANTIC NOVEL AND THE MAIN CHARACTER WAS CALLED TESSA! SHE KEPT READING BITS AND LAUGHING AT ME x”.

After I’d done with the concert (which was okay) I sent him another message asking why she’d been laughing and telling him what I’d just done for Swing Band. I also mentioned Hayley being a cow. He said, “TOLD YOU NOT TO! CHARLIE IS LAUGHING COS HE MISSED IT! SHE WAS LAUGHING COS IT WAS SO SOPPY – SHE SAID I WAS THE MAN IN IT! THEY THOUGHT IT WAS REALLY NICE THAT…” then, “WE SEND MSGS TO EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME! HAYLEY IS TWISTED! HOW DO YOU KNOW HAYLEY’S ANNOYED WITH YOU? FROM SARAH? x”.

I told him that Gethin, Freda and Henry Rockwell had all told me that she’d been slagging me off. Then he said, “OHHH THINGS AREN’T GOING YOUR WAY AT THE MINUTE ARE THEY?! YOU’RE ILL, HAYLEY’S BEING A BITCH AND I’M HUNDREDS OF MILES AWAY : (…” then I got a really nice one which cheered me up saying, “I MAY BE ALL THE WAY IN ITALY BUT I’M WITH YOU ALL THE TIME, JUST LIKE YOU’RE WITH ME ALL THE TIME – IN MY HEART AND ON MY MIND… PERMANENTLY! : ) LOVE YOU LOTS! xJx”.

That was very soppy but very sweet! I bet he was reading a romantic novel himself on that train!

I agreed with him that things aren’t going my way and told him that I now seem to have a scarletina type thing, and he said, “PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE JOKING! SCARLET FEVER?? : ( HAVE YOU BEEN TO THE DOCTOR’S? I’M REALLY REALLY SORRY I’M NOT THERE FOR YOU! xxx JAKE xxx”.

I told him that he didn’t have to apologise cos I wouldn’t see much of him even if he was here cos I’m ill so he said, “I’M SORRY – JUST IT’S NOT A NICE THING TO HAVE! : ( : ( THIS IS ALL SOOO BAD! : ( : ( I’D BETTER LET YOU SLEEP THEN! HOPE U FEEL BETTER AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! ALL MY LOVE! x”.

I then told him that I didn’t want to sleep so to keep texting (unless he did) and I told him not to feel bad. He sent me 2 back saying, “I WORRY COS YOU’RE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN MY LIFE! : ) IF I WASN’T – I’D BE WORRYING ABOUT HOW THE HELL I’M GETTING BACK TONIGHT – I’M LOST IN THE MIDDLE OF ROME! xJx”. Then, “OH! AND I DON’T NEED SLEEP SO KEEP TEXTING AND I’LL ASSUME YOU’VE FALLEN ASLEEP WHEN I DON’T GET ANY MORE! LOVE YOU! x”.

I then told him I was a bit worried about him once he’d said he was lost but he said, “HAH – DON’T WORRY ABOUT ME! CHARLIE IS GONNA LEAD US HOME… HE HOPES! NO DON’T MIND IF YOU HIT HAYLEY AT DENNY’S – YOU WOULD BE V. POPULAR! R U GONNA GO FEELING LIKE THIS?? LOVE xJx”.

I told him that I AM going to Denny’s cos I’ve missed out on enough already while I’ve been ill! I also told him that Ed reckons I’ve got ‘missing Jakey sydrome’ and Jake said, “WELL DON’T MAKE YOURSELF ANY WORSE! IF THAT’S ALL YOU’VE GOT – THAT’S OK! YOU’VE ONLY GOT 2 MORE WEEKS THEN YOU’LL BE FINE! MY BATTERY MAY DIE SOON – SO DON’T WORRY…” then, “IF I DON’T REPLY – I HAVEN’T BEEN RUN DOWN BY A CRAZY ITALIAN MAN ON A SCOOTER! LOTS OF LOVE… AGAIN! xJx”.

Later on at about 12:15 am, I got another message saying, “JUST GOT BACK! AND FOUND A PLUG SOCKET! HOW’S ABOUT YOU’RE ALLOWED TO WORRY ABOUT ME AS LONG AS I CAN WORRY ABOUT YOU? ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS…” and then, “YOUR CUTE LITTLE FACE, YOUR LOVELY EYES AND SCRUNCHED UP NOSE ALL LOOKING AT ME! THERE’S NOTHING I WOULD CHANGE ABOUT YOU! – YOU’RE JUST PERFECT! REALLY DO LOVE YOU.”

That was very nice to read but I pointed out that right now I’ve got a pink little face, a stuffed up nose and I can’t look at anything properly cos my eyes won’t focus! I also told him not to be put off by that though! He replied, “AHH! YOU’RE JUST SO SWEET! I CAN JUST PICTURE YOU NOW! WOULDN’T BE PUT OFF – EVER! I KNOW I SAY IT ALL THE TIME – BUT YOU’RE JUST TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE – YOU REALLY ARE!”

I don’t think anyone else would agree! I don’t actually know what I’ve done to make him think that either cos I wouldn’t have thought I’m anything special! I told him that I thought it was the other way round and he said, “WELL WE’RE BOTH REALLY LUCKY THEN! I THINK WE’RE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER! I’M LYING IN BED LISTENING TO THAT LONESTAR SONG – THE LYRICS SUM UP EXACTLY HOW I FEEL! xJx”.

That’s really weird cos I thought that and I told him that. He then said, “WOW! WE ARE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER! I LISTEN TO IT EVERY NIGHT! IT’S A BIT DEPRESSING NOW THOUGH!” That really is freaky cos it used to be one of the ones I listened to a lot at night until he went away cos it was depressing!

I asked him if he was joking and told him that! He said, “NO I’M NOT JOKING! : ) OHH I REALLY CAN’T WAIT 2 WEEKS! BETTER GO TO SLEEP NOW THOUGH – DON’T WANT TO BUT I’M AN HOUR AHEAD AND HAVE A BUSY DAY TOMORROW! I’LL PHONE YOU! x”. That was the last message I got tonight.

Looks like I’ll have to get a new diary then. I’ll probably use this purple hardback notebook I think I’ve got. See you there!

CYMERA_20180424_180802-1.jpg

Sad, pathetic, childish, twisted little cow – 6th July 2000

Thursday 6th I didn’t go to college again today cos I’m feeling rotten again. 😦 I think kickboxing finished me off last night, even though it was good!

I’ve had quite a lot of messages today (I’m writing smaller cos I’ve not got many pages left!) off Jake. I had a couple from last night too saying, “HELLO! HAVE YOU GONE/DID YOU GO K’BOXING? DID YOU SEND THE NAME OF THAT PLACE IN HOLLAND? WANNA KNOW IF MY MSGS ARE WORKING COS I’M IN ITALY NOW! LOVE xJx”.

I told him I wasn’t feeling too great and that I’d get the address of where we’re staying in Holland for him soon. He said, “OK! I’LL LET YOU RECOVER IN PEACE! ON OUR WAY TO PISA NOW – I’LL TRY NOT TO FALL OFF THE LEANING TOWER! NIGHT NIGHT!!! : ) LOADS OF LOVE!!! xxx JAKE xxx”.

I then sent him a msg this morning asking what he was up to. He told me, “I’M LOOKING ROUND THE LEANING TOWER – DON’T WORRY I WON’T BE FALLING OFF – YOU CAN’T GO UP NOW! IT IS TOO HOT! WISH YOU WERE HERE TOO! : ( LOVE YOU LOTS N LOTS!!! xJx”.

I then asked if Charlie had that address and I also told him I got woken up this morning by a magpie pecking at my window! He said, “I SPENT LAST NIGHT SLEEPING ON A TRAIN PLATFORM – I’M V. TIRED SO DON’T MENTION SLEEP! HE’S GOT IT BUT IT’S AT THE BOTTOM OF HIS BAG AND WON’T GIVE IT ME!! LOVE xJx”.

I asked if he really needed the address if Charlie already had it and that I hoped I felt better for Holland. He said, “IF HE’S LOST IT OR SOMETHING THEN I’LL LET YOU KNOW! HE RECKONS IT’S A HOTEL THOUGH?? YOU GOTTA GO – IF NOT, I’M COMING HOME TO SEE YOU! LOVE YOU!!! : ) xJx”.

I asked if it mattered if it was a hotel and he said, “RIGHT WELL I’M STOPPING THERE WHETHER IT’S A CAMP SITE OR THE RITZ!…” and then, “THIS IS LIKE HAVING PART OF ME TAKEN AWAY FROM ME – MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY! : ( SOOO GLAD I’VE GOT THAT PHOTO!! I LOOK AT IT ALL THE TIME! LOVE YOU TO BITS!!! xJx”.

I said I hoped he wasn’t looking at the one Gethin gave him of me looking stoned in a Santa hat all the time and he told me, “NO – ALTHOUGH IT MAKES ME LAUGH, THE ONE YOU GAVE ME IS MUCH NICER! AND WE ARE TOGETHER ON IT! : ) WISH WE HAD GOT TOGETHER EARLIER THOUGH…” and then, “THEN I WOULD BE ON THE ‘STONED’ PHOTO! IF I WASN’T HAPPY ALREADY – I’D GIVE ALMOST ANYTHING TO BE SO! UURRRGHH! : ( NOT FAIR! xJx”.

Christmas '99 Tess stoned Santa

Later I told him that I’d just dreamt we were both in college and he said, “WISH THAT DREAM WAS TRUE! EVEN IF I HAD TO BE IN COLLEGE! IT’S NOT ME PHONING YOU! I’VE JUST FINISHED WASHING ALL MY CLOTHES – I’M WORN OUT NOW!…” (someone phoned the house and hung up when I answered) and then, “I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU!! THAT’S A GOOD THING IN THAT IT SHOWS HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU! : ) BUT THEN IT REALLY HURTS COS I CAN’T SEE YOU AND GIVE YOU A HUG! : (“.

This evening I’ve had a few more messages saying, “HELLO! WHAT ARE YOU UP TO? JUST BEEN FOR A MEAL – WE’RE WANDERING ROUND DOING NOTHING NOW! ACTUALLY THE ONLY WAY I CAN PARTLY TAKE YOU OFF MY MIND…” then, “IS BY STUFFING MY FACE FULL OF REALLY NICE FOOD! NOT THAT I WANT TO TAKE YOU OFF MY MIND COS YOU’RE A V. NICE THING TO HAVE ON YOUR MIND! LOTS OF LOVE!!! xJx”.

I told him I was lying on the sofa, wrapped up in my duvet, looking very pink (cos I’ve developed a temperature) and feeling very miserable cos he’s so far away! He replied, “AAAGGHH! ARE YOU NOT GETTING ANY BETTER THEN? : ( I JUST WISH I COULD CUDDLE UP TO YOU NOW! – JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES AND DREAM ABOUT IT! ARRAN SAID…” then, “HE AND ALI ARE GOING BACK TO CALAIS ON THE TRAIN AND THAT ED COULD GO WITH THEM WITH MY TICKET! : ) HE IS REALLY MISSING HIS GIRLFRIEND TOO! LOVE YOU! xJx”.

I’m going to be disappointed if Jake can’t get the coach back with us now. Mind you, I usually end up looking really rough after travelling for a long time so maybe it’s not such a good idea!!

Hayley’s being a right bitch to Sarah. If I had more energy I’d explain and then slag the hell out of the lanky whore but I need sleep so I’ll do it another day if I decide it’s not a waste of ink and paper cos everyone knows what a sad, pathetic, childish, twisted little cow she can be!!

Bye!

Stupid, soppy, American-high-school-style “group hug” – 30th June & 1st July 2000

Friday 30th to Saturday 1st Friday was really good in the end! I’ve been sort of dreading it all week cos it’s the last Friday I’ll have had with Jake for a few weeks. 🙂

During the day, Jake, Gethin and I went round to Sarah’s cos we had the day off cos of that Warrington Walking Day thing. We didn’t really do much then, as usual. We just sat about chatting and eating. Every so often, Jake or I would groan when we remembered we’re going to be split up for a while and he kept hugging me really hard or squeezing my hand really tightly.

We weren’t at Sarah’s all that long cos Jake had to go and have his hair cut so he dropped Gethin off at home so we could get our stuff to change into for the evening. It was then he told us that this’d be one of our last rides in the Beetle cos it was going to be restored and he was only going to be insured for the Polo. He won’t look right without that car! As Gethin said, it’ll make him too normal!

When we got back to Sarah’s we changed into our going out clothes and Sarah managed to persuade her mum to let the lads stay over so Jake didn’t have to drive on his last night out with us all. So, we ordered a taxi and headed for the Trafford Centre. We planned to try out all the bars there but we agreed that if we got IDed twice, we’d give up!

First we went to Tiggi’s. I was sure my mum’d said it was over 21s only but Sarah convinced us otherwise! It turned out I was right! Jake didn’t even bother trying to get served once he’d seen the sign! You see, he’d had his hair cut and it made him look even younger than usual!

Next we tried Manto’s. We didn’t really like it in there cos it was really boring looking so after the bloke told Jake we all needed ID, we didn’t even try to stay. Instead we went in Starbucks. It was the last time we’ll sit on our table on the balcony there with Jake for 3 or more weeks! While we were sat there, we all agreed to get a taxi to The Dog cos we wanted proper drinks and we know it’s nice and friendly in there!

When we arrived, that’s when we started to enjoy the night quite a bit more. Sarah and Gethin ended up snogging. My suspicions are that Gethin wouldn’t have done that had Lizzie not been going away for a few weeks to Cyprus! I won’t tell Sarah what I think this time though cos she won’t want to hear something like that!

The proper realisation that Jake and I were going to be split up set in properly while we were sat there hugging the hell out of each other! He came to the conclusion that it’s good that we’re going to miss each other so much cos it must mean we really love each other. I think he’s probably right. He also told me, “I love you sooooo much!” which was extremely nice to hear and especially cos it was accompanied by another big hug! I told him how much I’m going to miss him too which is a lot, believe me!

We decided to walk to the Chinese takeaway then cos Jake was hungry. We had to keep stopping and hugging and squeezing each other! I’d explained to him that it wasn’t so much the 3 weeks of being separated that bothered me (although it does a lot and I made sure he knows that) but the fact that it’s triggered off thoughts of how bad it’s going to be when he goes away for 3 months to Canada. This is awful now so what the hell’s it going to be like then?!

He told me that he was meeting the English people he’d be going with sometime soon I think and I must have groaned or something cos he told me that he’d be paranoid too if it was me going to Canada (I found out it’s Banff he’s going to) but he swore that nothing will happen with him and another girl cos it’s me he loves and he doesn’t want to wreck that and he couldn’t love anyone more than me anyway. He actually stopped me and was holding me by the shoulders and looking me straight in the eyes while he was saying it which made me feel like he was being dead serious! I suppose that’s good really!

We got our Chinese food and went and sat on the raised bit coming off the old railway station building by the bridge in my village to eat it. When we were done, Jake and I went and sat round the side on some steps leading up to the track. We just kissed but had to stop when the taxi came. Bad timing!

When we got back to Sarah’s, Gethin made us have a stupid, soppy, American-high-school -style “group hug” and then Jake and I had a quick kiss round the side of Sarah’s house before going in. Sarah made us go to bed so we wouldn’t wake her mum and dad up. Unfortunately, I was on the camp bed in Sarah’s room and Jake and Gethin were in the spare room. We just happened to meet on the landing at one point and had another quick kiss before going to bed.

Once I was all snuggled up in the sleeping bag I’d been given, I got a message on my phone. It was from Jake saying, “I LOVE YOU!!! : ) TONIGHT WAS GREAT! LOVE YOU SO MUCH IT HURTS! I’M GONNA MISS YOU SO MUCH I’LL SEE YOU IN EVERYONE I MEET ALONG THE WAY…” and then, “I WON’T BE ABLE TO GET YOUR FACE OUT OF MY MIND! LOVE YOU FOREVER!!! : ) xxx JAKE xxx”.

I told him that I wished Gethin and I could swap beds and told him how much I love him etc. too and told him to stop saying nice things cos I’d only end up crying, and he said, “I WISH YOU COULD TOO! DON’T CRY – ALTHOUGH I’M REALLY TOUCHED – YOU MEAN SO MUCH TO ME! GLAD IT WASN’T A CRAP NIGHT – I’M GONNA REMEMBER IT FOREVER! LOVE YOU!!! xJx”.

This morning, I woke up to hear Gethin and Jake chatting away like a pair of girls! Sarah and I went in to see them first to see if they wanted anything to drink or whatever. Sarah’s mum went out to the gym so Jake ventured into Sarah’s room and sat on the camp bed with me. Sarah and Gethin went to do some ironing (or so they said!) so we were left alone. Neither of us wanted to let go of each other so there were more tight hugs and squeezing of hands.

He kept stamping his foot or hitting the pillow with his fist and saying it wasn’t fair. He told me that he never expected the Europe trip to actually happen and that it probably wouldn’t have done had Charlie Wilson not have been organising it! He said they were only going so they can say they’ve been.

Mid hug, he said, “Ohhh, baby!” which surprised me cos it’s a very un-Jake thing to say but I didn’t mind, it just made me smile! We were just sat there looking at each other and he sort of grinned and said he was going to end up crying! Then we kissed for a bit when we knew Gethin and Sarah were definitely downstairs and at one point he was lying on top of me and just looked at me, grinned and said, “You’re gorgeous!” That pleased me!

He then just came out with that he still can’t believe we’re actually going out! He’s not the only one who feels like that sometimes! We carried on kissing then someone knocked on the door and it turned out Sarah’s mum was back from the gym so we had to stop cos Sarah and Gethin came and sat in the room with us! All Jake said was, “I don’t believe this!” cos that’s pretty much what happened at Floyd’s that time!

Anyway, we had to go home eventually cos Jake got a message saying he had to go and get some timetables. Luckily I had one nail varnish remover pad in my bag so he could take off the lilac nail varnish I’d put on him in The Dog! He left the nails of his two little fingers as a “reminder” and said he’d still have it on next time I see him. We’ll see!

He also gave me the Pluto toy out of a McDonald’s Happy Meal that had been in his car cos he’ll have the Polo from now on!

This evening, Jake’s dad dropped him off at my house for about an hour and a half so we could say goodbye properly. He sprayed my watch strap with his Ted Baker stuff and I sprayed his with my Boots Poppy body spray cos that’s the smell of each other that they first had when we swapped had worn off. All I can smell is him now every time my watch goes near my nose!

All we did was sit on my bed and kiss and cuddle for one last time. We played the songs that remind us of each other which are Freaky Time by Point Break, Amazed by Lonestar, that If Only by Hanson which cheers us up and he said that Don’t Call Me Baby by Madison Avenue reminds him of me cos I play it a lot and it’s always on when he come to my house or I send him a message!

He kept telling me to stop looking at him like I was doing with my “big, brown eyes” cos it was making him not want to go. He told me that he likes me cos I’m so happy and smiley all the time! He might change his mind about that if he could see how miserable I am now he’s gone!

We’d been dreading his dad arriving to pick him up but eventually he did. Jake and I stood in the middle of my room and hugged and kissed quickly. He then held my head and told me he loves me and that I make him so happy and that I’m the best thing that ever happened to him! I nearly cried by just about managed to control myself!

I went downstairs with him to find my dad and his dad talking about a painting of the Albert Hall on our wall.

CYMERA_20180416_200900.jpg

[Still there.]

The last I saw of Jake was him walking out of my front door, waving and saying, “Bye!” in his bright orange Holland footy shirt, jeans and wide Pod shows with his hair all spiky. I’m not going to be able to forget that image of him!

Bye!

[Judging by the level of detail in the diary entry, I was pretty damn sure Jake would manage to die whilst on holiday and I was never, ever going to see him again.]

Every so often he’d keep saying, “Hey man!” – 23rd June 2000

Friday 23rd Other than the Geography exam which I didn’t finish (ran out of time), today was pretty good!

I saw Jake for most of the morning because he and his mates were sorting stuff out for their Europe trip in college. I realised that we really don’t talk much to each other but the silences aren’t awkward anymore! That’s good, I suppose! All we really did was sit in the common room and cuddle or hold hands.

I saw him again after college for quite a while when our exams were over (he’d had a practical one for Physics). Then we just sat on a table and cuddled! I just don’t want to let go of him at the moment cos I know he’s going away in about a week. We got chance to kiss properly too cos college was so quiet due to most people being on exam leave.

Tonight, Hayley, Sarah, Gethin, Jake and I all went out to The Dog. We were joined by the Appleton lot because Sarah’s been keeping in contact with Maz. He turned up along with Nathan Holmes, Gavin Bilson and his girlfriend Laura, some lad called Milo and another lad whose name I don’t know.

Sarah and Maz just snogged all night and Gethin and Hayley got bored so ended up walking home earlier than the rest of us.

Jake and I just cuddled again and talked. I asked him why the hell he first liked me cos I don’t exactly stand out and he told me that, ages ago, Emma had told him that I had one of the nicest figures she knew of and he’d noticed and agreed! He was also saying how he’s so glad I’m a nice person too (hmm!) cos he didn’t really know me and I couldn’t turned out to be a right bitch! He also said that he doesn’t understand why I first liked him either!

Later I was just sat there and I caught him just staring at me and grinning! I asked him why he was doing it and he told me I’m just nice to look at!

All night at various points he’d just groan to himself (but still smiling!) and snuggle up more or squeeze me tighter! When I asked why, he just kept saying that it was cos he didn’t want to be split up from me and stuff! I agreed and started moaning too and he said he thought he was going to cry! He said he couldn’t squeeze me as hard as he wants to cos he’d crush me and he wouldn’t want that!

To anyone else, hearing him say stuff like that would probably make them want to puke but I think he is soooo sweet and really don’t want him to go anywhere. He told me that if he could go back in time he wouldn’t go to Canada either.

Sarah left with the Appleton lot so Jake and I walked to the Chinese and then back to mine on our own. We ate and then went and lay on the sofa in the back room and kissed and cuddled again. I was very jumpy cos I knew my Dad could get back from the pub at any time. Abby and Connor got in first but when they went to bed (Connor stopped in the spare room), Jake and I got back on the sofa.

Then my dad did get in so we went and sat in the kitchen instead. I thought Dad was just drunk cos he staggered in, grinning and slurring his words whilst making a coffee. Then he said, “I was alright until I had that… erm…” then he stopped to look for something and Jake and I were expecting him to name some drink. But then he said, “I only had a couple of drags but it doesn’t half work quickly!”

We were both sat in shock as Dad went on about these spliffs being passed round in The Mossland pub and how he thought he might as well try it!! Then every so often he’d keep saying, “Hey man!” or something! It was soooo funny (although slightly embarrassing!) and when he’d gone we just burst out laughing and Jake said, “You’ve got a top dad!!”

Unfortunately, Jake had to leave eventually to get his taxi home but I got a couple of messages off him. One just said that the taxi driver was getting lost and the other said, “WELL WORTH STAYING AT YOURS – GOT TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH YOU AND SEE YOUR TOP DAD – MELLOW YELLOW MAN! : ) LOVE YOU TO BITS!!! xxx JAKE xxx”.

I love him sooooooo much!!!

Bye!