She looked dead snooty – 29th & 30th December 1997

Monday 29th We didn’t go ice skating today so I went round to Emma’s instead. Nobody could get hold of Ralph yesterday so Dougie phoned Emma and said he wouldn’t bother going either. Now we’ve arranged it all for tomorrow instead. There’s Ralph, Dougie, Emma and I definitely going (well, definitely meaning probably) and then Emma phoned me again tonight to tell me that Dougie asked if it would be okay if he brought his girlfriend coz she was looking forward to seeing some of his mates. [I’m surprised that I didn’t write a massive ‘NO NO NO IT WOULD NOT BE OKAY!’ Maybe my lurve for Dougie was beginning to pale in comparison to my lurve for Ralph…]

According to Emma, he hasn’t actually phoned her yet but if she comes she’ll make her own way to Altrincham. Everyone else is meeting at Emma’s house at 1:00pm and her Dad’ll give us a lift. I’ve got to go a bit earlier so she won’t be left on her own with any of the lads. I’m tempted to go a bit later though, just to wind her up. But then I s’pose there’s even more chance of me getting injured on the ice! [Why? Karma?]

We tried to phone Freddie too but it doesn’t look like he’d back off holiday. Lucy and Ed were also invited but couldn’t make it.


Tuesday 30th Mum dropped me off at Emma’s house at about 12:30pm and we waited for Ralph and Dougie to come. Emma had picked a room to take them in which was the ‘Red Room’ (it’s like another living room and it’s all red) and she’d tidied it all away and shoved the photo of her when she was 3 behind the sofa.

When they arrived we didn’t want to just be sat there so we went on the computer so it looked like we were doing summit. Ralph came 1st on his bike. Emma spotted him first and legged it to the side door before her parents did.

I was getting excited and I didn’t know what to do with myself so I just sat on a chair on the computer. Ralph came in and noticed the picture of Emma’s little sister Helena on the wall and asked if it was Emma. She told him who it was and I said, “D’you wanna see a picture of Emma?” and I grabbed the photo from behind the sofa and gave it to Ralph. She was so embarrassed. Ha ha ha!!!

Dougie came shortly after. His mum dropped him off. He went to the front door and Emma went to the side and he was stood there for ages waiting for her to come so I pointed round the side. He came in and Ralph was on Koji the Frog on the computer.

Dougie told her his girlfriend, Anna Collins, was coming. I wasn’t as bothered as I thought I would be actually. I s’pose I wanted to see her really to see what sort of person he goes for!

Emma’s dad came in and told us all to get in the car. Emma sat in the front and I was stuck in the back with Dougie and Ralph. [Gutted. NOT!] Ralph was between me and Dougie and I was behind the driver’s seat. Ralph spread his legs out so I was shoved up against the door. We did talk but I can’t really remember what about. Music mostly, I think, with Ralph and Dougie going on and on about how LW Radio Atlantic 252 was shit and Key 103 was better (it is) coz it is local.

We were stood outside the ice rink for a few minutes waiting for Anna. We couldn’t actually go in anyway coz it wasn’t 2:00pm but we could’ve queued up. Dougie kept telling us that we could go in if we wanted and it seemed like he was trying to get rid of us. I don’t think he was, it just sounded that way.

After about 10 mins, we got fed up and went in anyway. Every time Ralph saw a blonde girl he asked Dougie if that was her. Dougie got a bit insulted I think when most of ‘em were about 5!

Ralph, Emma and I went into the rink. We weren’t allowed on the ice straight away coz they were cleaning it so we went and got our skates. Dougie had to keep going out and checking if she’d arrived, Ralph and Emma went on some Aliens 3 game and I just watched ‘em. Emma won.

They both went to see if Anna had come coz we’d decided she had either stood Dougie up or she was imaginary! We went on the ice and skated round for a bit and Dougie went off again. We followed him and this time she was there. As soon as I saw her I thought of ‘Dorien Kapper the Chigwell slapper’ off Birds of a Feather, only this was ‘Anna Kapper the Warrington slapper’! I know it was snidey but Emma thought it too.

Dougie had said she was a bit posh and we all thought she looked dead snooty. She had her hair scraped back in a high ponytail with a bit of hair down at the front, dyed blonde the lot of it, tonnes of eye make-up and a brace. She is quite tall and skinny too. She was quite quiet and she told Dougie she thought we were too. AS IF!!! [Anyone else detecting a hint of jealousy here?]

Anna and Dougie went skating off together and Emma and I were either pulling Ralph along or holding him up. I had to hold hands with him mostly.

Dougie kept holding onto me and skating up behind me. He even started holding my hand at one point. Maybe he was trying to make Anna jealous or summit!

I didn’t fall over but the rest of ‘em did, I think. We decided to come off when Ralph and I announced that we were hungry and wanted to go to McDonald’s. Everyone else wanted to stay on for a bit so Dougie got hold of me and Ralph and said, “Why don’t you two go to McDonald’s TOGETHER?!” Then he pushed us together. Cheers Dougie. NOT!

We persuaded everyone else to come off and we walked to McD’s. We all ended up cramped round a tiny table and I was stuck between Emma and Ralph. That was when we found out Anna was a vegetarian. How sad! [Shut up, me! I’d dabbled once. For about a week.] Sorry but that’d just my opinion. People have good enough reason for being freaks! [What, like a bout of mega envy?] Sorry!

At other points throughout the day we found out she played the violin and has smoked for about 6 months. Urgh, gross!

After the food, we got the bus to Warrington Bus Station. I got on 1st and went to the back. Dougie sat next to me and Anna next to him so I was crushed against the window. Emma and Ralph were both separate coz Ralph had sat elsewhere until he decided he wanted to talk to us so he sat with Emma then. Dougie and Anna were permanently holding hands.

As soon as some other people got off the back row, Dougie and Anna moved up and Ralph sat next to me. At one point, Emma said something to Ralph and he snuggled up to me and said, “No, I’m with Tess” or summit. I nearly died of embarrassment coz both Dougie and Emma think I fancy him.

Ralph was also taking the piss out of Jez Greenhalgh and saying he was a sheep from Yorkshire. I said it was tight but he’s just funny and I tried not to laugh.

At Warrington we split up and Dougie and Anna went off to get a different bus. I ended up giving Emma and Ralph a £1 coin each coz they had no change. I sat at the back again and Ralph sat next to me again. Emma sat in front. Ralph was writing ‘ET 4 FB’ [Emma Thornley 4 Freddie Bevan] and stuff on the window and I was telling him whose initials to add on. So Emma, as revenge, thought she’d tell Ralph about ‘All I Want For Christmas Is Ralph’ and how much I fancied him. I denied the 2nd part, of course. He just sat there, staring out of the window, trying to hide his embarrassment!

We got soaked walking up back to Emma’s house and Ralph kept offering me crisps but not Emma.

We went back on the computer again until Emma’s dad took us back home. Ralph sat next to me in the car and at one point forgot my name. I don’t think he did really, I think it was more likely that he was trying to prove he doesn’t fancy me. He apologised and said he’d even forgotten his own phone number once.

[Stalker notes time!] Ralph lives in Royston Lane which is a road opposite Tesco. It’s a semi-detached on the end with a white Volvo outside.

I can’t decide if I fancy Ralph or no. I think I do actually!

BYE! ♥

He was a haddock! – 25th-28th December 1997

Thursday 25th

December 1997 - Xmas Day

Hello and Merry Christmas! I woke up at 8:00 this morning and I had to wake up Rhian and Abby too so we all sneaked downstairs. Everybody was already up anyway and turkey was already int oven. All the presents were opened but it all went too quickly. I got choccies, clothes, a lizard (toy of course!) and other stuff. We played games and stuff all day then.

Sorry this hasn’t been a long entry but it’s late now.


Sunday 28th I’m back at home now.

Boxing Day we all just mooched around the house watching TV and trying out presents. There was this one game of Rhian’s called ‘Articulate!’ which was good. You had to get into teams and, as you moved around the board, each team took turns in describing a word which 1 person had to do to their own team. You could use actions, words or both as long as you didn’t say the word.

Tom was mithering us to let him have a go so after the game we gave him the pack of cards and let him choose one to do to the whole family. There was one where he was walking up and down being some sort of fish so we were all guessing things like shark, whale and goldfish. When we eventually gave up he told us he was a haddock! My mum was in fits of laughter and so was everyone else. You had to be there really. He’s only 7 and it was so cute! Later on he had a cod, a flying fish and a catfish. You can probably imagine what they were like. [Exactly the same as haddock.]

Yesterday was awful, you know, saying goodbye and all. I hate that part. Before we got onto the A9 out of Wick, Abby wanted to get some dolls changed in this shop. It was shut so we decided to go back and give them to Rhian so she could sort it and send ‘em down. You should have seen Tom’s face when the car came back up the road. Complete shock!

We stayed at the Royal Dunkeld Hotel again last night coz it was good on the way up.

I’m home now. As soon as I got in, I phoned Emma to see if I’d missed anything. She said she’d kissed Charlie Wilson, Dougie [NONONONONO!!!!] and Gethin Turner under the mistletoe on Friday and she’d been bowling with Zoe and Poppy.

Then she said that we could go ice skating tomorrow with Ralph, Dougie and Freddie if he’s back. She was meant to phone me about it at 9:00pm and its 11:10pm now so I’m off to bed in a minute.

[Look away now if you can’t cope with sick.]

On the way home, the dog puked in the car and it was all yellow and watery (which was cheese, water and a yellow doggy chew according to Dad!) and she stood in it all then walked all over my lap. YUK!

Also, it was funny when Abby was proving to me that she could touch her nose with her tongue and this Jeep with a couple of lads in the back overtook us and I turned round and saw ‘em all laughing at her! I couldn’t stop then either.


P.S. I’m really missing everyone in Wick. A week there’s not long enough.

Drop dead gorgeous! – 21st – 24th December 1997

Sunday 21st I’m in Wick now. I’m sitting writing this in Rhian’s bedroom whist she and Abby are pissing about with a majorette’s baton. Now Rhian is trying to see what I’m writing so I’m just going to turn away.

That’s better.

I had the day off school on Friday for no reason really except to get sorted for coming here. I took my hamster round to Cat’s and she said I hasn’t missed much.

We travelled all day yesterday and stayed in the Royal Dunkeld Hotel for the night. It was really nice. Then we travelled all day here today. There’s no snow which is disappointing.


Monday 22nd Man Utd beat Newcastle 1-0 last night. Andy Cole scored. I forgot to mention it yesterday.

Rhian, Abby and I went down the town today coz Rhian had some MAD (Music, Arts + Drama) thing on the back of a lorry in the Market Square so Abby and I arranged to meet Dad outside Boots so we could get some more Xmas pressies for Mum. We got quite a few.

I saw this Kenny Blaine who Rhian worships. My 1st reaction was, “Urgh, gross!!!” He is. He’s a complete minger! He looks camp too. I dunno why. I think it was the tight leather jacket and his walk.

I also think I saw Ben McFarlane. He’s my Auntie S’s friend’s son and drop dead gorgeous! He was wearing a baseball cap and sports gear.

I’ve had my cousin Tom mithering us all day to play Scattergories with him and we’ve managed not to give in yet!


Wednesday 24th Xmas Eve!

We went down the town again today to take more cards to people. I saw Ben McFarlane again (it was him on Monday) and I had to cycle slowly past him and his mate. He didn’t have a cap on but he had a bright blue Adidas sweatshirt. Abby and Rhian think he’s minging but I don’t.

As we were passing them, he did turn round and summit about him reminded me of Harry Preston from school.

Tonight we helped Auntie S set out carrot tops and mud for our little cousins Tom and Minnie tomorrow.

[The carrot tops and mud totally fooled them into thinking Rudoph and co had been in their garden. They failed to notice the ‘reindeer droppings’ were raisins or Nesquik cereal too, THE IDIOTS.]

December 1997 - Xmas bye

Dougie gave me a Xmas card – 18th December 1997

Thursday 18th I helped with the Senior Citizens’ Party this afternoon and it was a lot better than I expected. We had to go at the beginning of lunchtime coz some of them had come early (the old people that is). Emma and I were a bit nervous coz we didn’t really know what to say to any of them so we sat at a table so they would have to sit with us. Rani and Polly Grady sat with us. [They were not old people.]

We were waiting for ages but the people on the doors weren’t bringing them to us so we went and said we’d ‘grab a granny’ as they walked in. But none of us wanted to ask them if they wanted to sit with us and we all went shy.

We sat down again and a man and his wife came and sat with us. I can’t remember his name but she was called Meg. She couldn’t speak and was in a wheelchair because of a stroke. He made up for both of them though with the talking part! Then a blindish lady sat down too and another lady called Janet S did as well.

The 1st thing we did was Bingo, then pass the parcel. There were 4 parcels going round the room and they had both prizes and forfeits in them. It was horrible! Every time we got the parcel we panicked and got rid of it as fast as possible! It only actually landed on our table once and we were all dreading it being a forfeit. Thankfully it wasn’t. They were things like dance and sing and eat as many marshmallows as you can in a short space of time.

After that we all relaxed a bit and played Beetle Drive but everyone cheated! Then the food came, then the Spice Girls (well, the wannabes from my year), then we had to sing Xmas carols.

I’m not going into school tomorrow so this was my last day this year. We’re going up to Wick on Saturday so we need to get sorted. Plus, we don’t want to go in coz of the school assembly where the orchestra are playing.

I was dead pleased when Dougie gave me a Xmas card at lunch and even more when I opened it! [It said ‘Loads of love’! *teenage me hyperventilates and faints*]

If you can’t get the card out, it probably means I’ve glued it down by mistake. Okay?!

December 1997 - Xmas card

Emma’s card off him was funny too. He’d written more-or-less the same thing then added, “That could be us one day!” at the end. He’d written it coz on the front there was a piccy of a nun and a monk under the mistletoe.

My first reaction was, “Oh God, he fancies her!” but then when I thought about it, it’s not the sort of thing you write in a card to someone you fancy, just in case they laugh at you. But then again, Dougie’s not exactly normal sometimes!

Emma completely embarrassed me in front of Ralph and Own Kendal today. I asked her if she’d told Ralph that I don’t fancy him and she went and did it there and then!


Lush and snogtastic – 17th December 1997

Wednesday 17th Dougie came into Geography singing ‘You Sexy thing’. [Oh, how I’ll have wished that he was singing at me.] Then he brought out this envelope which had things such as ‘lush’ and ‘snogtastic’ and ‘get your kit off’ written on it. It wasn’t from his girlfriend coz it also said ‘don’t show this to your girlfriend’ on it.

He wouldn’t show us who it was from so Neil K passed it to Adrian Ford who has one of the biggest gobs in our year. Dougie just called Neil a bastard and when he tried to get it back, Mrs C told him off for turning round!

Emma had Food Tech today with Ralph and, according to her, they brought me up quite a bit in various conversations. One was between Sarah and Ralph about ‘All I Want For Christmas Is Ralph’. She is meant to have said summit about me writing songs about him then going round showing everyone. I’ll sort her out tomorrow if she did say that! [That reads as if I was going to twat her. I wouldn’t have done that. My plan to ‘sort her out’ will have been something along the lines of telling some she considered to be a minger that she fancied them.]

Sarah also asked him why he hadn’t got me a Xmas card and he told her he’d run out. Emma said to him, “I bet it’s just coz you’re embarrassed in case she gets the wrong idea.” Then bloody Sarah said, “She’ll cry” and he said, “Well tell her I’m really sorry” or summit like that.

Another conversation was started when Ralph said, “I’m not coming in on Friday.” When Emma asked him why, she said he said, “It’s just coz it’s a Friday.” She then said, “Tess isn’t coming in on Friday either. She says she’d going to Scotland but I’m not so sure!” Ralph then said, “She’s not, she’s coming to my house.”

Of course, there’s always the possibility that Emma could be making this up. She also told me that she thinks Ralph’s chuffed that I fancy him. Hmmm, I dunno.

December 1997 - Mice & woodworm

Stripping down to their boxers – 16th December 1997

Tuesday 16th It’s been REALLY cold today and windy too which made it even colder.

In P.E., Mr B made us carry stage block things over to A-Block. They were really heavy and I lost all feeling in my hands. Then we went back in and he put is in teams. I was stuck with Shauna Adams and Johnny Doherty and we were given the wonderful imaginative name of the team that Mr B worships – Hull City.

Shauna was doing scores for everyone on the board so I was stuck with Johnny mostly. We were losing badly to begin with but then made a great comeback and won the quiz.

I kept catching Jez Greenhalgh looking at me. I dunno why.

I was the captain of my team and I was meant to answer the questions but it got too hard to hear what people were telling me to say so we just yelled out the answer if we knew it.

Ralph and Jez have fallen out. Emma was telling me at last break after she’d just had P.S.E with them both. She told me that Jez was sat at the other side of the room and she asked him why he wasn’t sitting with Ralph. He answered, “I don’t want to.” So she went and asked Ralph why they’d fallen out and he said, “Coz he’s from Yorkshire.” Yeah, Ralph, that really makes so much sense to us all! NOT!

[For anyone unfamiliar with UK infighting, there’s a bit of friendly(?) rivalry between Lancashire and Yorkshire stemming from the Wars of the Roses that only happened about 550 years ago… so it’s totally reasonable to still hate each other.]

Ralph also told Emma that they are stripping down to their boxers for The Full Monty assembly. [Er… I imagine that would be a wee bit more frowned upon nowadays.] That should be good!

December 1997 - peace etc bye

Dougie snogged his girlfriend in the car park – 15th December 1997

Monday 15th Hello again. There was a concert on at lunch organised by my mates Lucy and Poppy and just to show them how much I appreciate their friendship, I didn’t go! I couldn’t be bothered. There was nobody interesting in it and it cost 30p.

So instead I went to the shop with Freda. Then we went in the Music rooms so she could do some homework coz the library was shut. She told me to go and look at Rob Waterfield with a wig on so I went down the corridor but he’d gone.

I heard people talking and getting closer and I thought I heard Ralph. I waited for a bit until the first person came round the corner. It was David Ingle so I knew Ralph wouldn’t be far behind so I legged it back into the Music room.

I bloody well forgot they were using it as a form room whilst the mock exams were on and they came in. Ralph went up to Mr P and said, “Sir, can we practice The Full Monty?” I burst out laughing and everyone looked at me until Ralph started taking his coat off then everyone’s attention went back onto him.

Jez was stood behind me and I asked him if he was doing The Full Monty thing in the assembly too. He muttered summit about not knowing.

We had the afternoon off so we could set up for Presentation Evening. It was boring. I asked Dougie afterwards if he’d told Ralph about the ‘All I Want For Christmas Is Ralph’ thing. He said he’d told Jez so Ralph probably knows now.

I had to get back to school at 7:00pm and do this Presentation Evening. It’s all speeches and people going up and getting books and stuff.

Becky the Year 9 told me that Dougie snogged his girlfriend in the car park in Warrington. Damn it!

I told Mr P that Emma had been with [snogged] Davis too so she’s been threatening to say summit to Ralph in P.S.E. tomorrow.


All I Want For Christmas Is Ralph – 11th December 1997

Thursday 11th When I got to school this morning I gave Dougie his card. Lizzie was there and when he’d gone she told me he’d been telling her about the drink behind the temporary block. I dunno why he mentioned it coz the rest of us didn’t. Maybe it was a really memorable moment for him or summit, you know, his first swig of alcohol! The 1st thing he said to me when I got into Geography was, “You had any side effects from last night?”

Then Lizzie brought up the subject of sheep and I knew what she was about to say, “Remember those sheep in Bangor?” It’s just embarrassing coz in Year 8 we went on a week with school to Wales and there were these sheep around our building and we named one Dougie and then Freda called the other one Tess. Uh, she keeps bringing it up and I think Dougie was embarrassed too.

They were playing the video from last night in Mr P’s room at lunch and I told Dougie. He kept asking me if I was going. I did and I was on most of it coz all the people talking were stood by me. Then Swing Band came on playing ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ and Emma and I smiled at each other coz last night I had hold of the programme and I said to Emma, “I should write ‘All I Want For Christmas Is Ralph’ on it!” Then this lunch when it came on the video, Dougie caught us smiling and Emma told him why. He was sat there killing himself laughing and eventually said, “I’ll tell Ralph you said that!”

If I get a funny look from Ralph tomorrow, that’s probably why!


[Now I’ve got the Ralph version of ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ stuck in my head.

*sings exactly like Mariah* I don’t want a lot for Christmas…]

If I like him, I like him and if I don’t, I don’t – 10th December 1997

Wednesday 10th I gave Ralph his card. I didn’t want to in front of his mates but I had no other choice so as he was walking past I shoved it in his face.

I didn’t give Freddie his coz I didn’t see him so I’m gunna get Emma to give it him tomorrow in Geography.

I didn’t give Dougie his either. I just didn’t want to coz he wasn’t my favourite person his afternoon. I’m trying to stop myself from liking him but it doesn’t seem to be working.

We had a practice all afternoon for the Xmas Concert. I tried to avoid Dougie but I didn’t manage it very well. I’ve given up now and if I like him, I like him and if I don’t, I don’t.

I was a bit miserable this afternoon, basically coz it was boring but I told myself I would enjoy it tonight. Even though, I missed the soccer which Man U lost 1-0 but it doesn’t really matter coz they’re at the top of their group for UEFA and have got through.

December 1997 - Xmas Concert

I got there and most people in the concert were already there. I walked in the room and had to walk out again after I saw Emma to try and stop myself from laughing. She had her hair in 2 stupid looking bunches on top of her head with tinsel in them!

I wrapped tinsel round my flute and ponytail coz everyone else had. I wasn’t nervous coz it’s not like I’m on my own or owt. We went in and got on with it.

At the interval, we all went into the canteen to get food and stuff. There were loads of mince pies and cans of beer and lager. Emma asked Mrs C if she could have a can but she wasn’t allowed, surprise surprise!

Later in the interval, people were just starting to go back in the Drama Studio and Emma and Olivia went off somewhere and left me with Dougie and Robert Osbourne. Dougie’s family walked past and his littlest sis said something to him and grinned at me. I couldn’t hear what she said but Dougie looked a bit embarrassed.

A few minutes later, Emma and Olivia came back with a can of beer. We all went outside and Olivia went. The other 4 of us went round the back of the temporary block where it was dark and drank it. It was stupid really, 1 can between the 4 of us!

I told Dougie I had a card for him and I’ve got to give it to him tomorrow.


P.S. Dougie’s family’s new car is a green Ford Galaxy, reg. R*** G**.

I know it’s sad getting that but I noticed so I thought I might as well write it down.

I’ll just have to concentrate on Ralph! – 9th December 1997

Tuesday 9th Twice today someone has commented on me and Ralph. The first time was at lunch when Emma and I were going out of school and they (Ralph and mates) were going back in. As we passed them, Graham Baxter said, “There’s Ralph’s bird!” and pointed at me.

Then the 2nd time was when I gave him another Xmas card from Hayley to give to Will Fernley. Ralph was walking up the stairs and I gave him the card and said, “Give that to Ferny.” He was with Owen Kendal who said to Ralph, “Ooh, she’s giving you love letters”. I just yelled, “It’s from Hayley!” I nearly added “you wanker” or summit on the end but there were teachers about.

It was quite funny coz before Ferny came, they were holding it up to the light trying to see what Hayley had written (she nearly went out with him once but changed her mind at the last minute) and then when he came up they all crowded round him whilst he opened it.

I’ve done Ralph, Dougie and Freddie Xmas cards but I won’t see Freddie so someone else will have to give it to him. I don’t want to give one to Ralph coz his mates or my mates might take the piss. I just don’t wanna give one to Dougie but I’ve written it now!

Dougie was over at our bench at lunch accusing Emma (again) of telling people about him and Anna Collins. He then asked us if he had summit on his back. Paranoid bastard! Sorry, that’s tight.

I’ve got a bloody Xmas concert at school tomorrow night with the orchestra and I’m gunna miss the soccer. It’s Man Utd v Juventus and it’s on TV and I’m gunna have to take me Walkman in with me. I’m not missing a match like that just because of some shit concert!

It’s just boring now Dougie’s going out with this girl. It’s not worth bothering with him no. I’ll just have to concentrate on Ralph!