It wasn’t just torture for him, believe me!! – 21st-23rd April 2000

Friday 21st Nobody knew what we could do tonight because none of us have any money or had a free house so me, Hayley, Sarah, Gethin, Floyd and Jake all agreed to meet in Hayley’s village and decide where to go from there.

Gethin knows this Year 11 girl called Claire because he was at a party of hers last night. He phoned her to see if we could go round and she let us because her parents are away. We didn’t do much when we got there except watch MTV and play that sad little alphabet game where you have to think of something (e.g. a girl’s name) for each letter. We were bored, okay?!

Later on, the Claire girl was sick (too much vodka!) so we decided to leave. Gethin did his nurse thing again and stayed to look after her! Jake took Sarah home then dropped me off at The Green Dragon. We kissed for a bit and he told me that it’d been torture for him when we were sat at Claire’s and couldn’t do anything with each other! It wasn’t just torture for him, believe me!!

During the day today, I was bored and watching Total Request on MTV and someone’s message that scrolled across the bottom of the screen included, “A pessimist is a well-informed optimist!” I just thought that was good!

Bye!

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Sunday 23rd Had more late night messages from Jake last night. I’d asked him if he was stopping over at Brian’s party thing tomorrow night and he said, “YEP I’M STAYING, NO I AIN’T GONNA SLEEP EITHER! DID YOU HEAR SARAH’S COMMENT ABOUT SLEEPING IN THE BATHROOM COS OF US?? : ) I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU! LOVE J xxxxx”.

I sent a sarcastic one back saying we wouldn’t be doing anything to make her leave the room and his reply was, “MMMNN! I WOULDN’T BE SO SURE ABOUT THAT!! : ) SHE WILL JUST HAVE TO FIND SOMEONE HERSELF OR GET SOME EAR PLUGS!! LOVE YOU! : ) J x”.

I was at Hayley’s this evening and I got a message from Jake saying he’s got a late shift at work which he can’t change so he can’t get to Brian’s until about 1 am. I suppose it’s better than nothing but I’m still pretty disappointed cos I could’ve had a whole 12 hours with him.

Dad came back from walking the dog today with a baby hare (leverets they’re called, aren’t they?) because it was hobbling about in the middle of the field and could’ve been eaten by a fox or shredded by someone’s dog or something. We’ve put it in the old rabbit hutch for now so it should be fairly safe and we’ll probably get the RSPCA involved tomorrow.

Bye!

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I had to kiss him again to stop myself squealing! – 19th April 2000

Wednesday 19th I went to Chester College (or whatever it is) open day today with Sarah, Floyd and Cat. It’s quite nice but they don’t do physiotherapy. I just went to prevent me having another boring day at home. Sarah loved it and has decided already that that’s where she wants to go!

While I was there, I got a message from Jake. He said, “AAHH! MY EARS ARE RINGING! MARCO LOST THE COMP SO HE WOULDN’T DOWN HIS LAST AFTERSHOCK  – LIGHTWEIGHT! HOLIDAYS R SO BORING – I’VE DECIDED! APART FROM WHEN I’M WITH YOU x”.

When we’d looked round (which didn’t actually take long cos it wasn’t as big as we thought it’d be), Sarah’s dad took us to McDonald’s. When we were there, we saw a lad with his eyebrow pierced. He had the same sort of features as Jake and it looked quite good so the others told me to text him and see if he’d get it done! I got a message back saying he doesn’t want to look like J from 5ive!

I sent him one back saying I was considering getting my belly button pierced (I’m not but I just wanted to know what he thought cos I think that looks good too) and he sent me a reply saying, “GO ON – YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!! IT ONLY GETS INFECTED IF YOU DON’T CLEAN IT PROPERLY! IT’S A REAL TURN ON!! NOT THAT YOU DON’T ALREADY THOUGH! : ) LOVE YOU LOADS xxx”. It’s the infection part along with any pain that stops me doing it. Oh, and my mum’d probably kill me! I’m too soft!!

I missed kickboxing tonight cos ALL my mates were going round to Brian’s. I was meant to be getting my yellow belt and certificate tonight but I didn’t want to miss out on anything. The football (Man Utd v Real Madrid) was on too but that only pissed me off cos Utd lost 3-2 and are now out of the European Cup. Bugger!!

Jake and I just snuggled up in the corner of Brian’s bed. He was totally sober cos he was driving (I’d had a bit of vodka) but we were kissing loads and ended up doing what we did at Denny’s and staying outside clothes again due to a room full of people.

Eventually Brian had to chuck everyone out so Jake gave me, Sarah and Hayley a lift home. He took Sarah back to her village first and then nearly took me until I squeaked a bit and he took the hint and took Hayley!

I’m glad he did cos I got an extra half hour or so with him in The Green Dragon car park. We were kissing pretty much all the time but at one point he stopped mid-snog and mumbled something. I asked, “What?” and he said, “I love you.” That’s the first time he’s ever said it properly! My stomach was tying itself in the nice sort of knots and I had to kiss him again to stop myself squealing! The kissing part proved difficult when I was trying not to smile!

When I’d calmed down slightly, I thought I’d better say something back so I told him I loved him too. I dunno if I do really. I mean, I’ve never liked anyone this much before but I don’t want to be one of those people who just think they’re in love when they’re not really. Oh well, I’ll just assume I am for the time being!

A bit later, he went to try and do 2 but I managed to stop him by holding his hand. I don’t really know why I did.t just let him. I think it was because I’d sobered up a bit and realised that there were probably security cameras about and also that Dad could walk past going to the pub at any time! It’s comforting to know that Jake stopped when I wanted him to though.

The car was totally steamed up by the time I got out! I didn’t really want to leave because he didn’t either but it had got quite late.

When I got in bed, I received a message from Jake saying, “HI! HAH I’VE GOT MY PHONE WITH ME THIS TIME! DID YOU WAKE ANYONE? WAS IT WRONG OF ME TO MAKE A MOVE ON YOU? I JUST WANT US TO BE HAPPY! LOVE YOU! J xxxxx”.

I asked him then if he’d woken anyone up and then told him I didn’t mind him making a move and that it was the lack of time that was the problem because the more we’d have done, the more I’d have wanted to stay (or something along those lines). He replied, “NO! FOR ONCE I DIDN’T WAKE ANYONE UP! ARE YOU SURE? I DIDN’T WANT TO FORCE YOU INTO SOMETHING OR SEEM LIKE I DIDN’T CARE! I WANTED TO STAY WITH YOU! LOVE J x”.

I assured him that I wasn’t bothered and that I know he cares and that he wasn’t forcing me to do anything I didn’t want to. He sent me one back saying, “ALRIGHT THEN! : ) I JUST WASN’T SURE BECAUSE OF ALL THAT “AGREEMENT” MESS!! IT’S NOT FAIR! I WANT TO BE WITH YOU NOW! LOADS AND LOADS OF LOVE JAKE xxxxx”,

I sent him another asking what wasn’t fair and then told him that I wanted to be with him too seeing as I was in bed! He replied, “NO I MEANT IT’S NOT FAIR THAT WE HAD TO GO HOME! I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT WHATEVER HAPPENS IT’S BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! YOU IN BED IS WHERE I WANT TO BE! LOVE J x”.

I then sent him one last message (at about 2:15 am!) saying I was going to attempt at getting some sleep and he said, “SORRY YOU’RE RIGHT! I NEED SLEEP TOO BUT I DON’T THINK IT’S GOING TO HAPPEN BECAUSE I’M THINKING ABOUT YOU! NIGHT NIGHT! : ) LOVE YOU LOADS xxxxx”.

I like him soooo much!!!

Bye!

Living off Kit Kats and bananas – 18th April 2000

Tuesday 18th I’ve had a fairly boring day today. Hayley was bored too so we met up in her village for a while this afternoon and were bored together.

I went to see my Grandma S tonight. She’s living off Kit Kats and bananas at the moment. Mum’s really worried about her and now I’m really worried about Mum cos she’s not getting much sleep now.

Jake’s out in Warrington tonight. I could’ve gone but he didn’t really give me much notice and a loads of my sister’s mates were going too. I’ve had some nice messages off him though, such as when I offered to leave him alone so he could get drunk. He said, “NO! DON’T LEAVE ME ALONE! I HATE BEING WITHOUT YOU!! LOVE YOU LOADS xxxxx”. Then later I got, “HONESTLY I’M NOT DRUNK! OTHERWISE I WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO TEXT YOU!! I NEVER WANT ANYONE ELSE BUT YOU! : ) LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD! xxxxx”. Aaahh, sweet!

Bye!

Sleep never happened! – 16th & 17th April 2000

Sunday 16th to Monday 17th Last night was Denzel Chadwick’s (Denny’s) birthday party and it turned out to be quite good in the end.

Hayley bought a card before we went for me, her and Sarah to sign and she told me to ask Jake if he wanted us to put his name in it too. I sent him a message asking that and whether he thought I should wear my short black skirt or my blue one. He replied, “YEH PUT MY NAME IN IT PLEASE! AS AN EXPERT IN FEMALE FASHION, I’D FIRSTLY ASK… WHAT WILL YOU BE WEARING WITH IT? SECONDLY YOU WON’T BE WAITING FOR A TAXI…” and then, “SO THE DECISION IS A PURELY AESTHETIC ONE!! OH WHAT THE HELL!..… GO WITH THE LITTLE BLACK NUMBER! SEE YOU LATER! LOVE YOU LOADS : ) JAKE xxxxx”. That’s what I wanted to hear!

Denny lives in an old converted barn thing by the horse riding stables and it is so nice! When I arrived, everyone was saying how much they wanted to live there!

Jake arrived a bit later than me and looked drop dead gorgeous as always! I didn’t really see much of him at the start cos everyone was wandering round exploring the house but we got sat down together eventually. I kept wanted to get up and see what was going on elsewhere but he tried to make me stay by hanging on to my arm or something every time!

At one point, somebody told him I thought he was boring (which if I did say, I can’t remember and wouldn’t have meant it seriously anyway) and we had about 10 minutes of not talking to each other because he thought I’d said that and I was annoyed that he didn’t believe me that I wouldn’t have meant it but it didn’t take long for us to make up again!

The people who weren’t staying over all left by about 1:00 am and the rest of us claimed our places on the sofas or the floor ready to attempt going to sleep. Sleep never happened!

Jake and I shared the long sofa under his sleeping bag so we were fairly comfy. He had his arms round me all night even though he must have got uncomfortable. I gave him the option to move them but he kept saying he was okay. It was really nice and would’ve been better if the room hadn’t been full of other people.

We were kissing for pretty much most of the night and he did have his hand up my top at one point. I sat forward at one point to get some water and he had a go at undoing my bra but was unsuccessful so I did it for him. In the early hours of the morning, we got to 2/3 over pants but with no time for any effect cos Gethin started trying to drag the sleeping bag off us. Gethin sent Jake a message at about 5 am telling him to hurry up and shag me, basically. I saw it but pretended I didn’t and asked Jake what it said. As usual, he didn’t tell me!

As other people began to start moving around, I went tired and so did Jake. We just lay there and he cuddled me for ages and stroked my hair and kept kissing my face. He’s so sweet!

Eventually we had to get up too and Jake stood on the sofa, jumped off and twatted his head on the light on the ceiling! I think he was in pain but it was quite amusing for the rest of us! Then he couldn’t find his shirt and a shoe but did finally and got a lift home with Niall Cafferty. Sarah and I ordered a taxi but it was about an hour late so we just sat and talked about what had happened.

I’d had 3 matchmaking missions for the night:

  • Maeve Ackerley and Henry Rockwell
  • Lucy Jacobs and Brian Hobbs
  • Cat and Floyd

Cat eventually agreed to snog Floyd as long as he didn’t ask her out and he agreed and they got it together outside. Lucy and Brian left quite early but were apparently together for most of the night. Nothing happened with Henry and Maeve though.

Emma and I managed to get Hayley and some lad called Rich together by grabbing one each and throwing them into a corner.

Bridget Linehan and Chris Kelly-Banks were caught together in an upstairs room that was meant to be out of bounds and are now supposed to be going out with each other.

Nigel Groves asked Freda out, Emma snogged Niall and I think Lizzie snogged Gethin. Sarah will not be pleased about that last one.

James Douglas (a.k.a. Dougie) talks in his sleep. Just as everyone was settling down, we heard, “No!! Get away from me! No!!” The whole room was silent for a few seconds before everyone collapsed in fits of laughter when we realised he was asleep!

I managed to get some sleep when I got home and then when I woke up at about 4:00 pm, I got a message from Jake saying, “HI! SORRY IF I’VE WOKEN YOU! I’M STILL REALLY TIRED BUT I CAN’T SLEEP! I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU! I WANT TO WAKE UP LYING NEXT TO YOU! LOVE YOU SO MUCH! J xxx”. That was so nice to wake up to!

Hayley phoned me a while ago and told me that after Jake had been told I’d said he was boring, he’d grabbed hold of her and had asked really seriously if that’s what I thought. She told him I didn’t and that every time she speaks to me I go on about how fine he is but he just said to her, “Well I can be fine and boring, can’t I?!” I felt awful then so she sent him a message telling him that I didn’t think he’s boring and that I’m worried he thinks I think that.

Hayley phoned me again and said he’d sent her 2 back, the first one saying to tell me not to worry cos Gethin had told him and he’s hardly a reliable source of information and then he said he knows he’s more interesting when drunk! The 2nd one said, “BUT I REALLY ENJOYED LAST NIGHT/THIS MORNING – BUT I DON’T LIKE GETTING SO DRUNK I CAN’T REMEMBER ANYTHING! PLEASE TELL HER NOT TO WORRY – I LOVE HER SO MUCH : )”.

I thought that was really sweet how he admitted to someone else that he loves me! He’s not said it properly out of text messages though.

Bye!

Twisted little twat! – 12th & 14th April 2000

Wednesday 12th Today was much more normal. Jake came to see me at various intervals throughout the day. Gethin was being his usual bitchy self. Hayley was in floods of tears cos her boyfriend-type-thing, Andy, has sort of dumped her (again!). I’ve had loads of work which I couldn’t be bothered doing and now I’ve discovered it all has to be done by Friday! Somehow I don’t think that’s going to happen!

Kickboxing was good tonight. We were doing nasty stretches but we were kicking at head height later. Could be handy!!

I sent Jake a message afterwards telling him what I’d been doing and giving my opinion on Andy which is that he’s a twisted little twat! I threatened a while back that I’d break Jake’s legs so he can’t leave me and go and be a skiing instructor in Canada for 3 months later this year, which is why he said, “DAMN! SO YOU WON’T JUST BE BREAKING MY LEGS THEN? I AGREE ABOUT ANDY – AND I’VE NEVER SEEN HIM (WHILST I’M SOBER). THAT WILL HAVE GOT HER HOPES UP! LOVE YOU SO MUCH!”

What will have got Hayley’s hopes up is when he answered her call earlier on and he told her just to leave it a few days. She’s so stupid staying with him cos he’s just making her thoroughly miserable.

I sent Jake another text saying I won’t break his legs and that he’d better not ever be like Andy (which I said a while back too) and he said, “YOU’VE SAID THAT BEFORE – I WOULD NEVER PURPOSELY HURT YOU! NIGHT NIGHT : ) SEE YOU TOMORROW! LOADS OF LOVE JAKE xxxxx”.

I like him soooo much!!!

Bye!

Friday 14th The whole school had an assembly for Mr S (the IT teacher who recently died) this morning. I never really knew him that well so I didn’t cry but I was pretty close to it.

Tonight, Hayley, Gethin, Sarah, Jake, Cat and I all went round to Floyd’s cos his parents weren’t in and none of us can afford to go out! We just sat about and watched TV and ate Ben + Jerry’s Phish Food ice cream (it’s soooo gorgeous!!!) but it was still alright.

I got a lot of long snogs off Jake when it got quite late but better late than never. When we did have to leave, we booked a taxi but the earliest it could pick us up was 1:30 am so we went back to Hayley’s for an hour or so. As we were walking, Jake slowed right down and stopped me and we just kissed again for ages. It’s so nice! It always seems to be me who has to pull away and he tries to carry on, which is nice too! I think we’d go on forever if I didn’t!!

I really, really like him!

Bye!

We snogged and made up – 11th April 2000

Tuesday 11th I’ve had a really bad day today at college and it’s all because of that bloody confusion last night.

Jake normally comes up to the common room to see me at every possible opportunity but he didn’t at all today. When he didn’t turn up at break I just assumed he was doing his Tech project but I got worried when, by the end of lunch, I still hadn’t seen him so I sent him a text message asking if he was in college. He replied, “I’M SO SORRY : ( I’M IN – I’M SULKING IN A CORNER BECAUSE I’M UPSET + DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO YOU! WHY DID SARAH HAVE TO DO THAT?? LOVE YOU! xxx : ) xxx”.

I felt sick all afternoon because of that. I thought we’d got it all sorted out last night but that message gave me the impression he was annoyed with me. I sent him one back asking why he was upset and he just said that he’d got no sleep last night and he was annoyed because he thought Sarah had been stirring it.

We got it sorted out in the end and he came up to see me after college. I tried to ask him then what was wrong and he just kept starting to say something then stopping then telling me he didn’t want to talk about it. He did say that you can’t tell with texts what’s a joke and what’s not. He’s right.

I was beginning to get annoyed because he wasn’t telling me anything and eventually decided to go home. He then started apologising and held out his hand for mine and looked really pathetic. I just can’t stay mad with him! He’s too sweet! I held his hand but said I had to go (I did too cos my mum was waiting) but he asked if he could have a kiss and made me feel sorry for him again. We snogged and made up anyway!

When I got home, I sent him a text asking if he was okay and apologising for being weird with him after college. He sent me one back saying, “YOU WEREN’T BEING WEIRD BUT U HAD EVERY REASON TO! I’M FINE NOW – HAPPY IT’S SORTED OUT! YEP, I’M AFRAID TO TELL YOU THAT YOU’LL BE SEEING ME TOMORROW : ) LOVE YOU x”.

I sent one back asking again why he’d been upset and sulking in hope of a proper answer. I got one saying, “BECAUSE I GOT THE IMPRESSION U WEREN’T TOO PLEASED WITH MY MSGS LAST NIGHT! I CAN’T WAIT FOR THE WEEKEND + HOLIDAYS – GONNA BE TOP! LOVE YOU LOADS JAKE xxxxx”.

I explained that I wasn’t annoyed by his messages and that I’d just been confused as to whether he wanted to know if I’d sleep with him or if Gethin had pressured him into asking. He replied, “AFTER THIS MSG WE’RE NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT IT! I WAS ASKING COS I WANTED TO KNOW – GETHIN JUST KEPT TALKING ABOUT U BEING SO HAPPY! : ) LOVE YOU TO BITS J x”.

I replied to him then by saying, “: ) THAT’D BE COS I AM HAPPY! IF U WERE ASKING COS U WANT TO KNOW THEN SORRY I DIDN’T ANSWER U LAST NIGHT. I DO WANT TO BUT LET’S JUST SEE HOW IT GOES, HEY? LOVE T x”.

I didn’t get a reply to that one. I could’ve meant 2 things by that though. Either I do want to answer the question or I do want to sleep with him. I actually meant the latter but didn’t realise it could mean anything else until I read through it. I don’t really want to just yet though.

I got another message from him later saying he’d been doing Samba Band at Venture Scouts (sad!) and something about not letting him drink too much at the weekend. I asked if I was allowed to get him a bit drunk and he said, “YEH YOU’RE ALLOWED TO GET ME A BIT DRUNK – JUST MAKE SURE I DON’T HAVE 2 MUCH UNLESS YOU’RE WILLING TO NURSE ME TO MY BED! LOVE J x”. I told him that it wasn’t such a bad idea!

Ages ago, this lad called Reevesy went out with Zoe but dumped her because he liked me. I got a message from him this morning saying, “HI REEVSEY ERE! HOW U DOING? I’M IN FRENCH + ITS WANK! I’M NOW WORKING AT PIZZA HUT. C YA”. I have no idea what triggered that but I was too worried about Jake to be bothered finding out!

Bye!

“It’s not fat!” – 8th & 10th April 2000

Saturday 8th Went to the Trafford Centre with Jake, Gethin, Emma and Suzanna. It was okay and we just kept reminding Jake of what he’d done last night. He apologised for what he said about getting Hayley pregnant!

I got a message from him this morning, thanking me for looking after him so he does remember some stuff.

[…And that’s where this entire diary abruptly ends with not even a ‘BYE!’]

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[Shimmery diary number 18.]

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Monday 10th Not much really happened today in college but I was told a couple of things that my boyfriend, Jake Taylor, (that sounds good!) said.

Sarah told me the first thing. We’d been on our way to McDonald’s for lunch in Karen Brent’s car and I’d run back into college to get my mobile phone. Apparently Sarah had yelled after me, “Hurry up and move your fat arse!” and Jake had complimented me by saying, “It’s not fat!” It just shocked me slightly because he’s a bit shy and hadn’t said much in the way of compliments (unless drunk!) before!

Gethin told me the other thing Jake had said. On Friday night, there’s a bit of a party going on at Floyd’s house and Gethin and Jake were talking about it. Gethin asked if he was going to stay overnight and Jake said he wasn’t sure until he was told that I was staying and he might even get to share a bed with me. Then apparently he changed his mind to say he definitely is going to stay!

After college, we all hung about for a bit until I had to go and meet my mum for a lift home. As I was leaving, Jake just sat there and made no effort to come and give me a kiss goodbye. Sarah came back to mine for a bit after school and, because I was moaning about Jake, she sent him a message asking if the conversation with Gethin was more important than saying bye to me.

She also pointed out that Gethin had carried out his part of an agreement the two of them made and asked if Jake was going to do his half. The agreement was that Gethin’d snog Sarah if Jake slept with me. It was made when they were very drunk the other week but it wasn’t serious really. Jake’s never ever tried anything, even when he’s completely bladdered! Anyway, he sent one back saying he felt really guilty about not saying bye and that he would carry out his side of their agreement if I was willing, basically.

I’m pretending that I wasn’t with Sarah when she sent that so, earlier on, I sent him a message from my phone asking what some messages to Sarah had been about because I’d just spoken to her on the phone (lie, lie!) and I also mentioned I felt sick cos I’d eaten too much ice cream. His reply said something about serving me right for eating too much and that the message had just been about the agreement and him not saying goodbye after college.

I sent another saying sorry cos he had sort of waved at me and I asked what he meant when he put “IT’S UP TO YOU” after writing about him saying he’d carry out his side of the agreement. He sent a message back saying, “NO SHE MEANT WHY DIDN’T I GIVE YOU A KISS! SHE MADE ME FEEL REALLY BAD! USE YOUR IMAGINATION AS TO WHAT I MEANT!”

(This is all really confusing!!)

I sent another one pretending to be all innocent and he replied, “AAAGGHH! I’LL SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU : ) THE AGREEMENT WAS THAT HE WOULD GO WITH [snog] SARAH IF I SLEPT WITH YOU!! WHAT DO YOU SAY?? LOVE YOU LOADS J x”.

I sent him one back asking him if he was serious because this all seems so unlike him and I got a reply saying, “DEADLY SERIOUS – I DON’T MAKE JOKES ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP! ANYWAY SARAH + GETHIN HAVEN’T LEFT ME MUCH CHOICE HAVE THEY? IT’S TOTALLY UP TO YOU THOUGH! : ) LOVE J xxxxx”.

I just can’t believe he actually said all this! When we’ve talked about that subject he’s always said he’s never been ready, although we were always on about doing it with other people. I don’t think I am now so I doubt it’ll happen with us any time soon. I still can’t stop smiling though!!

I’ve not replied to his last message cos I didn’t know what to say and Sarah’s just phoned saying he sent her a message saying he’s worried cos I haven’t replied.

Right, I’ve just sent Jake another message apologising for not answering and explaining that I didn’t because I wasn’t sure how to reply. He sent me one back saying, “I DIDN’T WORRY YOU BEFORE BY SAYING WHAT I SAID, DID I? I ONLY ASKED BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU THINK OF THE BLOODY AGREEMENT! GETHIN WAS ASKING ME! LOVE YOU LOADS x”. I think it’s sorted now but I’ve been left feeling very confused!

Well, this had been an extremely weird and mixed up start to a new diary anyway. I’m finding it extremely difficult to follow what I’ve written so what chance has anyone else got?!

Bye!