Got shown his knob, came back – 22nd & 24th January 2000

Saturday 22nd I went to LA Bowl tonight. Quite a lot of people went again but nowt interesting happened.

Hayley went off with Andy, got fingered, got shown his knob, came back.

Chris Kelly-Banks snogged Amanda Bryan.

Furry Anton Roper snogged Amanda’s sister, Stephanie.

Freda was being a lesbian at me again and was pissing me off so I had a right go at her. She stopped after that. It probably won’t last too long though unfortunately.

I sent a message to Damon on behalf of Lizzie on her phone saying stuff like, “I want you” and “I’ve been in denial for so long” and “I’m finally letting my feelings be known”. We wanted a response but never got one.

Lizzie told me that Amir’s middle name begins with J and that he’s got wandering hands. Apparently Becki bent over at some party thing and he was having trouble controlling his hands and admitted that he couldn’t help it but he had wandering hands and was dead embarrassed once he’d sobered up!


Monday 24th Boring day. I had a 3-part apology text message from Freda today saying sorry for pissing me off on Saturday and that she’s only joking cos she’s really in love with Jenny Wilde!

I found out today that Stu’s the cousin of a girl called Emily who used to go to my primary and high school. Small world as Hayley put it.


P.S. The Man Utd v. Arsenal match was a bloody good one tonight, even if it was only 1-1. Utd have got a good few games in hand though.

Why does he have to be going out with Jac? – 21st January 2000

Friday 21st  I went to Hayley’s village tonight with Hayley, Cat and Sarah. We started off in The Coach and Horses but didn’t stay long because there were a load of people who we don’t really like in there and they wouldn’t serve us. So we went on to The Dog. It was so much better in there.

My sister and all her mates were in The Dog so we just sat with them. It was full of fit College 2 lads playing pool e.g. Jackson Leeming and Niall Pilling. I had to put up with Danny Barnes and Jacqueline though. Danny was being dead nice to me though. Abby was pissed and embarrassing herself and he kept sympathetically smiling at me. Later on he also asked how my sister and I were getting home. Why does he have to be going out with Jac?

Hayley ended up getting upset because Andy didn’t turn up. I can’t say I blame him though. He didn’t know where he was going and he’d have been with a load of people he didn’t know. He could’ve given her more notice though. It left the rest of us having to put up with a miserable Hayley, which isn’t good.

Later on we all went on the The Plough. The 4 of us weren’t there long cos Cat tried to get served but they wanted ID and told her she couldn’t stay on the premises without it. They saw me with her so they said the same even though I wasn’t getting a drink. The woman who told us was Hayley’s next door neighbour which didn’t help. I was sooo pissed off. If I go in there again I’ll just have to avoid the bar. We might well make this a regular thing because it was quite good anyway.


P.S. While we were waiting for a taxi, I phoned Reevesy cos I was bored. The conversation went:-

Reevesy: Hello?
Me: Hi, erm… you’re not Rachael! Who is this?
R: It’s Reevesy.
Me: Oh, hi! Sorry, you’re number’s just next to Rachael’s in my phone. Did I wake you up?
R: Yeah but it doesn’t matter. I’ve got to wait up for my parents. I just fell asleep on the couch.
Me: Oh, sorry. I’d better go. Bye!

I also phoned Stoned Rob for the same reason. He didn’t answer his phone though. Someone called Gaz did.

Hayley lent me the video of The Grimleys cos Emma, Ed, Pallav, Bobby and a few other people I know were extras in the school assembly on it. I think the episode was called ‘Gold Star’ or something.

I think I actually like him – 20th January 2000

Thursday 20th Amir’s gone to Paris with his college for a German trip (confusing!) or something. I’m actually quite bothered. I don’t understand it! I think I actually like him. He’s quite sweet! Mind you, that is just going from text messages!

Floyd Miller’s obsessed with Sarah. It’s really sweet but she’s gone all scared now. He even did his hair this morning to try and impress her and he says he’s going to send her a Valentine’s card and present. Aaahh!

Sarah and Lizzie and I went into Warrington today. We saw Freddie Bevan AGAIN! We also saw Stoned Rob. We phoned him again in the bus station and we spoke to him then. He said that Reevesy still fancies me. He also said it wasn’t him who sent the “PHONE ME BABE” message but he won’t say who it was.


P.S. Lizzie said that Amir always listened to music like ‘Bonkers’ and she reckons he’s got the one I’ve got. [Oh, Jesus Christ. I’d forgetten about Bonkers. Horrible.] She also told me that he’s doing German, P.E. and psychology for his A-levels.

“Tess Simpson! Go and wash your mouth out with soap and water!” – 19th January 2000

Wednesday 19th I had my most embarrassing moment this afternoon. I don’t know if I can write it so it sounds as bad as it was but I’ll certainly try.

At last break, I went up to the common room to find Sarah saying to Cat, “I really want to tell someone!” Cat agreed so I just had to know what it was. I mithered Sarah about it for 10 minutes until I began to get somewhat nearer to finding out what was going on.

I found out that Karen had confessed something unexpected of her in a game of ‘Truth or Dare?’ so I began to guess. Karen was behind me so whenever I came up with an idea, I turned round and asked her e.g. “Have you lost your virginity to Floyd Miller?”

I’d just asked Karen something and I turned back to Sarah after being told I was wrong and Sarah gave me a huge clue. So, I turned round and yelled, “Karen, did you wank someone off??!!” only to be faced with Mrs L about 3 feet away from me!!!

The room was full of people, all of which went deadly silent, waiting for a reaction as I slammed my hand over my mouth. Mrs L eventually said, “Tess Simpson! Go and wash your mouth out with soap and water!”

The whole room erupted into fits of hysterical laughter as I collapsed in a heap of embarrassed giggles on a chair, being thrown disapproving looks from Mrs L. It was awful!

Since then, people who weren’t in the room (of which there were very few unfortunately) have been asking me about it. Everyone seems to know! Cat made sure she told Mr L and Mr P-K about it at the dry ski slope after school too. They just found it very amusing!

I have an extremely swollen shin too because of a less but still embarrassing moment as I fell of a chair. I was stood, dancing about on one and it tipped up and I smashed my shin against the edge of the table. Owww!!

I’ve also set a trend with my ‘Roses are red’ poems. Everyone’s making them up and writing them on the white board. Some are:

Roses are red,
Big Paul’s built like a tank,
Ed wants to give Julian,
A really good wank!!
(Ed asked Julian if he could wank him off a week ago!)

Roses are red,
Gethin best watch his pace,
Or Lizzie’s big head,
Might explode on his face!!
(That’s a really snidey one but it was only sent in a text message to Sarah cos Lizzie’s being a bitch to her constantly.)

Roses are red,
Lizzie needs a good kick,
Someone we know,
Has a maggot for a dick!!
(That was about Aled cos everyone says he has no thing!)

Roses are red,
Fat, greasy and ginger,
That Big Paul,
Is such a minger!!
(Aimed at Cat to put her off him cos he’s seeing Emma so she’s got no chance.)

Roses are red,
Sarah L costs 10 pence,
Cat wants to ram,
CKB on your fence!!
(The 10p was cos Julian said if she was a prostitute that’s what he’d pay. CKB’s Chris Kelly-Banks if you’re wondering. Not the fragrance!)

I had a message from Stoned Rob (Lizzie’s new stalker is now called that cos he looks stoned) saying, “Phone me Babe.” I’m worried!


Dougie suggested that we should run away together – 15th & 17th January 2000

Saturday 15th Guess where I went tonight. Bloody LA Bowl again! I’m sick of the place! It was a bit better tonight cos more of us went. Dougie and I were both having a problem with same sex admirers though. Julian was after him and Freda is still after me. HELP!! Dougie suggested that we should run away together. Shame he wasn’t serious. Phwoar! He is sooo nice!

I also got looked up and down by some bloke. He was with a group who were all alright except him. He was manky looking with glasses. Just my luck!

Amir got my message last night while he was working at the pool with Lizzie. She told him that I’d been writing “I ♥ Amir 4eva + eva amen” on the whiteboard at school and she said he got a bit freaked out so she admitted I was only messing about.

Apparently he sent a message back last night saying, “I LOVE U 2” or something but I never got it so I sent one to him saying, “LIZZIE SAID U SENT ME A MESSAGE BUT I DIDN’T GET IT (sob sob!). NEVER MIND, I STILL WANT U! SORRY IF I’M FREAKING U OUT, IT’S JUST THAT I LOVE U SOOO MUCH! TESS x :)” It’s going to be embarrassing if I ever see him again!!

I did get a reply but it only said, “CAN’T TALK, ON MY WAY TO SMITHS”. It’s his equally minging mate Rick’s birthday so they were off out clubbing. I wonder if he got a snog. Lizzie said he’s always whinging  cos he’s only met [snogged] 2 people and it was ages ago. Aaaahh.


Monday 17th I’ve been texting Amir again today. I started it this morning by saying, “HELLO! HOW R U? I’M V.V.V.V. BORED SO I’M IN LOVE WITH U AGAIN! JUST THOUGHT I’D LET U KNOW. LOVE TESS xxxxxxxx”.

I wasn’t expecting it but I got a reply. It said quite simply, “I LUV U 2”. So, I sent another  saying, “DO U? GREAT!! R U BORED 2? I STILL HAVEN’T GO THAT MESSAGE U SENT ON FRI. WHAT DID IT SAY? LUV TESS xxx”. He replied saying, “I DECLARED MY UNDYING LUV 4 U! I’M V. BORED. NOT DONE MY COURSEWORK SO MY TEACHER WILL KILL ME!”

Lizzie said that the message I didn’t get said something like, “I love you 2 + I’m not under the influence of anything!” She was there when he wrote it.

The next message I sent to Amir said, “ HAVE U GOT ANY MATES THAT WANT TEXT SEX COS MY MATE SARAH IS A BIT DESPERATE?! SHE’S BORED 2. SHAME I NEVER GOT URE MESSAGE. LUV U! TESS xxx :)”. Sarah’d been moaning that she didn’t get many messages which is why I sent that one. Amir replied, “MY MATE BRETT WILL PROBLY TALK BUT WE’RE GOING TO OUR ORAL SESSION! SPEAK WITH U LATA. 07940 ******.” The number was his mate’s so I sent a daft message to it from Sarah’s phone.

I sent Amir a message later saying, “HAVE U FINISHED URE ORAL SESSION YET?! I’M STILL AT COLLEGE SO I’M STILL BORED SO I STILL LOVE U! LUV TESS xxxxx”. I didn’t get a reply to that one.

I got some daft message later from him and Brett (Lizzie’s ex) with loads of ‘i’s and ‘!’s and then, “SEND THIS TO 5 PEOPLE + U WILL BE LOVED BY THE 1 U LOVE IN THE YEAR 2000!” I didn’t send it to anyone because it’s a waste of bloody credit! In fact, I bet the phone companies started it just for that reason!

I made up another one of my poems before for Lizzie cos she didn’t know what to send to Gethin. It goes:-

Roses are red,
Cars have a horn,
You’re in denial,
But we know you watch porn.

I hope she doesn’t actually send it!

Recently, Lizzie’s been getting dodgy text messages from the Orange website. She found it out was Brett’s mate Rob (who was there on Bonfire Night) tonight cos he rang her asking to meet up and stuff.


I’d told her about 50 million times – 14th January 2000

Friday 14th My first text message of the day was quite a nice one from ?Mark. It said, “HELLO DARLING, HOW’S MY LITTLE GEM? I’VE JUST WON £300 IN WORK – NICE BIG PISS UP TONIGHT THEN!” The thing is that I think it was actually for Sarah.

I skived my first 2 lessons today. I missed Miss P’s Sports Studies lesson because they were doing a surprise practical lesson. We were going to do it for a Xmas treat but the teachers have only just managed to organise it. I didn’t fancy doing it so I went to the primary school to help my mum.

I missed Mr B’s lesson too cos that’s also Sports Studies and he’d want to know why I hadn’t been in 1st thing. I found out later that they’d had a game of kibadi (if that’s how you spell it!) [it’s not] because every lesson, someone manages to mention it. It’s become a bit of a joke.

Freda was really, really pissing me off this afternoon. She was in one of her lesbian moods and kept hugging me and stuff and saying disgusting things! She actually texted me an apology later this evening.

Floyd Miller now fancies Sarah. He’s gone off Karen now, you see!

Hayley, Sarah and I went to LA Bowl (AGAIN! AAARRGGHHH!!!) tonight. Andy and ?Mark came too. Stu turned up for a while but left again with his girlfriend. I really honestly don’t care much.

I talked to ?Mark most of the night. He, Sarah and I were finding it really boring but Hayley wouldn’t leave. We intended to get the last bus home so we could go in The Coach and Horses or somewhere but Hayley whinged until we gave in.

The taxi was booked for 11:00 pm but when it came, Hayley and Andy had disappeared. We rang her and she said she was coming but she took at least 5 minutes. So, Sarah and I were pissed off with Hayley and ?Mark was pissed off with Andy.

Hayley was annoying me on the way home because she kept apologising every 5 seconds and asking if I was speaking to her even though I’d told her about 50 million times that I don’t do not speaking. Sarah and I have decided we’re going to the pub next weekend, with or without Hayley.

?Mark’s alright actually. He looks like a bit of a scally but he’s okay really.

I sent Amir a message cos I was bored. It said, “HI AMIR! HAS LIZZIE TOLD U? I’VE DECIDED THAT I REALLY AM IN LOVE WITH U BUT THAT MIGHT JUST B COS I’VE BEEN UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF BOREDOM! C YA. LUV TESS X J” I didn’t get a reply. I hope he wasn’t insulted by it.


Loot (+ Pillage!) – 12th & 13th January 2000

Wednesday 12th The Hayley-Andy situation is not too good again. He’s told her she’s too pushy and sends too many text messages and phones too much. I very nearly told her to stop ringing him after about the 8th time the other day for the very reason that it might annoy him but I decided against it because of Hayley’s temper.

Sarah has also decided that ?Mark’s a creep so she’s stopped texting him. I am doing it on her behalf again. He actually wanted us to go bowling tonight but we couldn’t. Well, this has all blown any chance I had of seeing Stu again.

I went skiing after school today but unfortunately it was only to the dry ski slope in Runcorn. We are being prepared for the school ski trip to France in February. I’ve done it before because I went to Austria with school 2 years ago (it doesn’t seem that long!) so I could manage pretty well but Abby was having trouble!

I got my white belt at kickboxing tonight. I’m dead proud of it! It’s not very impressive (or scary!) when you say you’re a white belt but I don’t care. I think it’s cool!


P.S. ?Mark says he’s known Stu since he was 6. Aaah!!

Thursday 13th In the room I hang round in at college, someone’s brought in a white board and people started putting daft advertisements about each other up. At the top it says “Loot (+ Pillage!)” for a title and then the adverts say stuff like:

In the lost and found section there was stuff like:

  • Lost:- Virginity. If found please contact me on…

There were 2 that included me:

  • Tess wanted for carpet-licking contest! Please contact Freda on 07876 ******.
  • Vicious rumours + bitchyness by Tess on 07876 ******.

One about Lizzie was done in hope that she’d get the hint. It said:

Hearing problems? Contact Lizzie Bond and get constant repetitions until you die of boredom. Tel: 07900 ******.

I thought it was a bit mean but it didn’t work, anyway.

Hayley sent a message to Andy last night and Stu was replying to them. Then she told him I fancied him and he said he had a dog called Tess. Today she got a message off Andy saying that Stu is bisexual with a girlfriend. Bloody typical!! Sod him then!

I’ve been sending messages to ?Mark for Sarah today. He said he likes blondes but brunettes are sexier. Good! That’s what I like to hear! I also told him later on that I don’t fancy Stu, just to try and save any embarrassment.

Lizzie sent me a message before. She’s been talking to Damon and he said Leon’s got a new girlfriend. We don’t know her but she’s a friend of David’s. I’m not sure which David they mean though. There was still a slight him of jealousy there!