She shoved her nose high in the air – 29th November 1999

Monday 29th I had more trouble with Zoe and guess who else joined in? Yes, that’s right, Twisted Bitch Hayley. Zoe was absolutely fine with me on the way to school this morning and we were discussing the Reevesy situation quite openly. That all changed after the 1st lesson when she’d spent an hour with Hayley.

I got the hint 1st thing this morning that Hayley wasn’t best pleased with me because she stormed in and went into a corner with Emma, Freda, Georgia Dean, Lena and a couple of others and started flapping her arms wildly about in my direction whilst talking deliberately loudly, although all I heard was, “blah, blah, blah… I’m meant to be her best mate… blah blah”.

Best mate? She’s not been my ‘best mate’ for ages! I can’t stand the girl! She still thinks she has the right to have some sort of hold over me. A best mate is meant to be someone who you can relax around without having to watch what you say all the time. That does not describe Hayley. In fact, she’s completely the opposite!

Anyway, at break, Freda came up to me and warned me that I’d better watch myself coz Zoe and Hayley were really pissed off with me and were going to have a go. I was sat in a room with a few others when they arrived. They stood and talked to Freda for a while and then Hayley nudged Zoe, they whispered and laughed and then Zoe said, “Why didn’t you tell me about those messages from Reevesy last week?”

I began saying that I’d already explained why but the Twisted Bitch jumped in and started yelling, “Why did you show her the message that’d hurt her most and not all the nice ones which you thought were for you?!” It took me a few seconds to try and make sense of what she’d just said but then I realised I couldn’t so I just said, “You what?”

She began again saying the same thing so I told her, “That’s why I didn’t tell her about those messages to start with and I didn’t tell her about those messages to start with and I did show her all the others I got.” Then she yelled back at me, “Exactly!” and repeated what she’d already said twice.

It’s obvious that she doesn’t know what the fuck she’s talking about and, anyway, it’s got fuck all to do with her, she’s only got involved coz she’s got no real reason of her own to have a go at me. That girl needs a good bloody kicking!! I’d like to be the one to do it. Short term I’d feel much better for it but long term it probably wouldn’t do me any good coz she’d keep using it as a real excuse in the future. Bitch!

At lunch, Rachael Hollins made me feel a bit better by telling me that she’d told Zoe she was being really childish and pathetic. Then Emma, as usual, made me feel better by telling me that, 1st thing this morning, Hayley was making a complete fool of herself coz people were either sniggering (or trying really hard not to) as she ranted on about how I’d completely ignored her when she walked in. I had my back to the door, for fuck’s sake! Plus, I smiled at her when I did see her but she shoved her nose high in the air and turned away.

While Hayley wasn’t around, Zoe had spoken to me a bit but then in Geography she started writing notes to me about:

  • why I hadn’t told her about the messages
  • whether I’d do anything at Brett’s party with Reevesy (fuck off!!)
  • how I’d already done it to Sarah with Aled (obvious attempt to get Sarah on her side seeing as she was sat next to me and reading the notes)
  • why had I left her and Hayley out

and stuff like that. I answered as best I could, with much attempt to restrain myself from whacking her round the back of the head with something extremely hard, but what I said was only repeated what was said on Saturday, which she was fine about then.

I know it’s Hayley who’s cast all these doubts in her mind because now she’s actually found someone who has a genuine reason (kind of) to be pissed off with me.

So, as you can imagine, when I got home I was extremely pissed off. I decided to try and make myself feel better so I turned dance music up really loud and danced really hard and then I kickboxed and pretended I was aiming at Hayley and Zoe. And then, I did this: ↓

CYMERA_20170405_181554

I think it has quite a good resemblance. I’ve yet to do one of Twisted Bitch coz my tea was ready but I will. It’s good therapy!

Later on this evening, Zoe phoned and asked if I had any text messages from Reevesy. Then she decided she was speaking to me coz there was stuff she wanted to tell me (she snogged Big Paul. Yuk!!!). Then we got today’s argument sorted out and she said how she was torn between me and Hayley coz she’s rather be mates with me but she didn’t want to get on the wrong side of Hayley. I told her to just pretend she wasn’t speaking to me around Hayley if it made things easier.

She also told me that Hayley scared her a bit when she said that Zoe and Freda were her best mates at the moment. I seriously can sympathise with them, poor girls!

Apparently Lee’s ill coz he was sat on the hot poolside on Saturday and didn’t drink anything so he got dehydrated. I hope he’s okay soon.

BYE!

Serves him right for being a total tosspot! – 27th November 1999

Saturday 27th I went to Warrington with Cat today in search of Saturday jobs. The trip was unsuccessful because all the shops either had no vacancies or wanted CVs which we didn’t have.

I phoned Lizzie today while she was at Sheffield for swimming. I had previously had text conversations with Becki starting with a message from her saying, “I’VE JUST BEEN TOLD LEON LIKES JODIE. HE HAS NO CHANCE WITH HER COS SHE’S WITH SOMEONE. HE’S BEING A TOTAL NOBHEAD (AS USUAL!) LUV BEC.”

I sent one to her saying, “HI! SOD LEON. I DON’T CARE ANYMORE. I’M SICK OF BEING MESSED ABOUT. DO ME A FAVOUR + DROWN HIM OR SOMETHING!! LUV TESS.”

A few minutes later, Becki sent me another message saying, “GO GIRL! I HAD A GO ON WEDNESDAY + IT CARRIED ON TILL THURS. I CAN’T B ARSED WITH HIM BEING LIKE THAT. HE’S STARING LOOKING INTO SPACE. HE DESERVES IT! BEC.”

My next message to her said, “NICE ONE! WHAT DID YOU ACTUALLY SAY TO LEON WHEN U HAD A GO? HAVE YOU HELD HIS HEAD UNDER THE WATER YET?!”

Then she said, “UM NO Y? LEON’S PISSED OFF COS I’M WRITING 2 U! I TOLD HIM HE WAS PLAYING WITH EMOTIONS. HE WAS GOING 2 LOSE EVERYONE, HE HAS!”

That was the last message because when I was speaking to Lizzie she told me that Becki wanted to speak. She came on the phone and said hi and she started telling me how he was sitting on the poolside looking rejected! We just started saying how he’d lost out now coz he’s blown his chances with us both because he’s messed us about too much. That was about it really and I spoke to Lizzie for a while.

Leon hasn’t completely blown his chances with me because I can’t help but still like him. Although now I’ve spoken to Becki, I’d feel guilty doing anything with him.

I phoned Zoe this evening but she wasn’t in. She eventually rang back and asked what the hell was going on because she’d just been on the phone to Reevesy and he’d been jabbering on about something. I just told her and she hung up. I didn’t realise she had coz the woman came on saying, “Please hold the line” but then Zoe picked up the phone again and told me to go away.

I was worried that she’d never forgive me but then I realised I had done nothing to be forgiven for so I was then just pissed off that she’d reacted like that.

A while later she rang me back again. She said that she’d hung up before she shouted at me on the last phone call but that she’d now calmed down a bit. She asked me if I’d told Reevesy that she wasn’t really seeing Jav again (she’d told him she was to try and make him jealous) but I hadn’t and I told her that. It was actually Lizzie that told him but Zoe hates her enough as it is so I didn’t say that.

Zoe then asked if I’d just been on the phone to Reevesy myself because he’d told her that Leon, Lizzie and I had all phoned him today. I don’t know about the other two but he’s lying about me. I ended up telling Zoe that he’d phoned me earlier in the week too and she wasn’t very pleased about the fact I hadn’t told her sooner.

Eventually she accepted that all this isn’t actually my fault and she even ended up laughing about the whole situation. I’m still going to have to tread carefully round her for a while though I think.

She also spoke to Brett tonight so she could get his side of things. Reevesy denied everything but Brett backed me up with my side of it all. Apparently Reevesy was totally pissed off or something when I said no last night. Ha ha!! Serves him right for being a total tosspot!

I’ve just remembered something else Becki said when I spoke to her. She told me she’d showed Leon the message beginning “SOD LEON…” and he began to stare into space again I think. I feel mean now. He might not have messed us about deliberately. He could have been genuinely confused about it all and now he’ll think I don’t like him and I’m nasty and he’ll go off me. That’s if he ever liked me in the first place, mind you. I’m not entirely sure that he did.

BYE!

“Will you go out with me?” – 26th November 1999

Friday 26th There was an inset day at school today so all the pupils got the day off so Lizzie, Sarah, Cat, Maeve Ackerley and I went to the Trafford Centre. We split up in the end and Lizzie and I just wondered round. It was quite a good day. We had a good laugh at the singing Xmas tree with eyes that went in opposite directions and blinked at different times (it looked bladdered!) and went round shops sniffing perfume and stuff and just basically messing about.

Afterwards, we went back to Sarah’s house, chatted and messed with our mobiles. Brett phoned to speak to Lizzie and said that “Leon doesn’t want to go out with Becki, might not go out with Tess and fancies Jodie.” Jodie’s apparently this 13 year old big, beefy girl from swimming – gee that makes me feel so much better!!

Later on, I got a phone call from Brett saying something about Reevesy but I was getting ready to leave Sarah’s and couldn’t talk. Then I got a call from Reevesy. The conversation went a bit like this:

Me: What?
Reevesy: Hi, it’s Reeves.
Me: Yeah I know. What?
R: What do you mean “what”?
Me: What do you want?
R: I think you know.
Me: No I don’t.
R: Will you go out with me?
Me: No.
R: Oh, okay then.
Me: That’d be a popular one with Zoe! (sarcastic)
R: I don’t care.
Me: Well I do.
R: Okay then.

The conversation pretty much ended there. Maybe I was a bit mean but I did tell him I wasn’t interested the other night and I’m pissed off about Leon.

I’ve just sent Brett a message saying, “WHY THE HELL DID REEVES JUST ASK ME OUT?? HOW LONG’S HE BEEN PLANNING TO DO THAT? TELL HIM 2 JUST GO BACK OUT WITH ZOE. SHE LIKES HIM.”

Brett sent me one back saying, “REEVES SAID HE FINISHED ZOE BECAUSE HE LIKES U. HE SAID HE WILL TRY U AT MY PARTY, CHEEKY FUCKIN TWAT.” Well said, Brett!

I sent another to him saying, “HE’S GOT NO CHANCE! HE’S PUT ME IN A REALLY DIFFICULT SITUATION WITH ZOE + HE KNOWS IT. PRICK! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED 2 SAY 2 HER NOW? I’M SICK OF LADS. WELL, SOME OF ‘EM!”

I’ve not had any more messages since that one.

BYE!

I’m pissing Hayley off again – 25th November 1999

Tuesday 25th I had my meningitis jab today. It hurt more than I thought it would for a change. My shoulder’s really stiff now. After Zoe had hers it started bleeding a lot because the person doing it had scratched her so she went back in the hall for some cotton wool. Emma, Gethin and I stood in the door so we could see the reactions of the people who hadn’t had it done yet. Great waves of panic were expressed on the faces of the people in the queue. It was so funny!

I was informed by Zoe during Geography that I’m pissing Hayley off again. This time I’m leaving her out to go out with Leon, and Zoe feels the same now she’s not going out with Reevesy. Even before I was seeing Leon I’d started going out without Hayley more. Why shouldn’t I? She was a cow to me a while back. Zoe knew what’d gone on but, today, she still said, “You’re not exactly treating Hayley like a best mate.” That’s because she’s not, she just thinks she is. She’s not exactly been treating me like one either.

She just can’t see situations from anyone else’s point of view but her own. I’m sure she wouldn’t think twice about me if she had a lad to go out with and I didn’t want to pass up the few opportunities to go out with Leon just because she’d slag me off. I knew it’d happen. She never wants to come out anyway even if we ask her e.g. last Friday at LA Bowl.

Lizzie isn’t the most popular person at the moment either. She’s pissing a few people off too so we’ve decided to stick together. She was saying about Becki’s message to me. Becki had found out from Lizzie that Leon’d been seeing me and showed Lizzie a message he’d sent her saying, “SO WOULD YOU GO BACK OUT WITH ME THEN?”

Little bastard! He’s messing both of us about now. As well as the message to me, Becki apparently sent a long one to Leon calling him a dick and telling him how it was unfair to mess with our emotions. Nice one, Becki! I’d like to say I didn’t still like him but I do.

That’s another thing that Hayley and Zoe did. Zoe asked if she could send Reevesy a message from my phone so I let her. She ran off up the corridor to show Hayley what she was writing. Hayley then decided to send it herself, I think so I couldn’t read it. She’d probably have deleted it if I hadn’t snatched the phone back. I read it afterwards and it said, “HI, I KNOW WE’RE NOT REALLY SPEAKING BUT ARE YOU FEELING LEFT OUR LIKE ME AND HAYLEY NOW? LET US KNOW.” I think it was actually intended for me to see and show Lizzie (which I did but we’re pretending we didn’t read it!) so we’d get the hint. Bitches!

A lot of stuff in this diary now seems to be revolving around text messages. I just looked back and noticed. So many people have mobile phones now though and I suppose it’s an easy way of getting in touch with each other.

BYE!

HE’S 2-FACED + BIG FACED – 24th November 1999

Wednesday 24th Lizzie sent Leon a message today saying, “WILL YOU GO OUT WITH TESS? SHE’S TOO SCARED TO ASK YOU HERSELF.” I couldn’t stop her sending it and I considered sending one myself saying that I had nowt to do with it but Cat convinced me to leave it until I got an answer.

Then during Biology, I got a message from Brett saying, “LEON SAID HE DEFINITELY WON’T GO OUT WITH BECKS.” That cheered me up a bit until I realised there was probably a ‘but’ which wasn’t included in that statement e.g. “but he doesn’t want to go out with you either”. (I’m such a negative person really, aren’t I?!)

So, I sent this to Brett: “I HAD NOWT TO DO WITH THAT MESSAGE LIZZIE SENT LEON BY THE WAY. I COULDN’T STOP HER SENDING IT.” That was just so they didn’t think I was obsessing over Leon and made Lizzie send that message or something.

I was learning defensive moves such as head blocks and body blocks at kickboxing tonight. My names gone down for being graded in 3 weeks for my white belt too.

As soon as I got home, I checked my phone and I was surprised, to say the least, to find I had a message from Becki (that’s how people seem to be spelling it). It said, “LEON’S A TOTAL FREAK HE’S CHATTING BOTH OF US UP. HE’S 2-FACED + BIG FACED WHAT A DICK. C YA BEC (THE BITCHY X).”

It quite amused me actually! I’m not sure what was the reason behind her sending it (such as to put me off Leon) but it made me laugh. The thing is, she’s probably right!

This evening I have actually found myself gradually losing interest and caring less about what happens with Leon. I’m sure I’ll have changed back to really liking him again once I’ve seen him though.

I just remembered something funny that happened on Monday morning. Before school, we had a phone call from Percy and Marjorie next door saying they were locked in their bedroom because they’d been decorating and had taken the door handles off, forgotten and had shut the door. So my mum had to pass then a screwdriver on a pole from my bedroom window to theirs so they could try and get out. They did and we discovered why their son hadn’t helped them. He’d only done the same thing!! I think they were a bit embarrassed about it actually!

BYE!

God! I like Leon so much! – 23rd November 1999

Tuesday 23rd I knew things between Leon and me wouldn’t last the way they were. It was all too good to be true.

The latest news from Brett isn’t good if you’re me. Lizzie’s message which she sent to Leon last night said something like, “DO YOU LIKE TESS? SHE REALLY LIKES YOU + WANTS YOU TO ASK HER OUT AGAIN (SHE’D SAY YES!)”. I was waiting all day for him to reply but he didn’t.

Towards the end of the day, I’d pretty much concluded that he was either ignoring the message because I’d ignored Brett’s one asking me out for Leon or he still liked Becky so he didn’t know how to break it to me.

Lizzie also wanted answers so she told Brett to get some. Brett sent a message back saying, “MY FOOD TECH COOKING’S FUCKED!! LEON SAID HE DOESN’T KNOW. I THINK HE STILL LIKES BECKY.”

This is not good. I’m totally gutted! As per usual, I got my hopes up only to be greatly disappointed. I should’ve predicted that this’d happen, it just fits with my kind of luck. The only advantage I can come up with is that it didn’t go on for longer before I was told this. Then I may have felt worse, if that’s possible. Why couldn’t it just have gone right for once, hey? I am so pissed off now.

I got another message from Lizzie before. This one said, “MARK SAID LEON DOESN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. BRETT THINKS U SHOULD ASK LEON OUT + HE WILL PROBABLY SAY YES. HE THINKS LEON’S SLOW SO YOU COULD BE WAITING YEARS FOR HIM TO ASK YOU OUT.”

I don’t want to ask him out. I prefer the lad to do the asking because it’s more likely that he wants to then instead of feeling pressurised into giving an answer. I sent one back saying, “NO!!! IT’D ONLY LEAVE THE POOR LAD EVEN MORE CONFUSED” I’D HATE 2 HAVE 2 CHOOSE. I’LL JUST LEAVE HIM 2 IT. IF HE LIKES BECKY MORE, IT’S JUST TOUGH. 😦 (grrrr!)”

If it gets back to Leon what I said then it might sound like I’m not really bothered so he might go out with Becky again but then I didn’t want to sound too bothered either because I might scare the lad and give him the impression I’m really possessive.

God! I like Leon so much! I can’t stand this, it’s horrible. If he’s rejected by either Becky or me, he’s got the other one to fall back on but if he chooses Becky over me, I’m back on my own again.

I don’t even think Aled’s interested anymore and I couldn’t be less interested in Reevesy if I tried!!

BYE!

What the hell do I do??! – 22nd November 1999

Monday 22nd I was wrong about the Zoe-Reevesy break up. He was the one who did the dumping. He didn’t give a proper reason so we all suspect that he was expecting her to dump him so he got in there first to save himself humiliation. Loads of people have sent him text messages telling him he’s daft dumping her, that she’s really upset and doesn’t understand why. This was Zoe’s idea because she is now determined to get back with him.

Meanwhile, I have even more concerns about how much longer this me and Leon thing’s going to last. I fear I’m heading for disappointment since Lizzie sent me a message, part of which said, “DO YOU WANT ME TO ASK LEON ANYTHING TONIGHT? BRETT RUNG + SAID BECKY SENT LEON MESSAGES SAYING SHE STILL LIKES HIM. WHAT R U GOIN TO DO?”

I think swimming must be going on tonight so that’ll give Becky a chance to speak to Leon. What if he decides to go back out with her? I’ll be so gutted! I really do like him.

I sent Lizzie a message back saying, “THERE’S NOWT I WANT U 2 ASK LEON REALLY + THERE’S NOT MUCH I CAN DO ABOUT BECKY. CAN’T SAY I’M PLEASED BUT IT’S UP 2 HIM WHAT HE DOES.” I didn’t want to say too much just in case Lizzie showed Leon the message. That’s also why I added that I wasn’t too pleased, just so he knows I am still interested without sounding like an obsessive stalker type! I hope she updates me soon. I can’t stand not knowing what’s going on.

As for Brett’s question on Lizzie’s virginity, well, she told him she hadn’t lost it and told me she didn’t intend to lose it to him. Wise choice, girl! He hasn’t asked any further questions on the subject to my knowledge.

Oh no!! I’ve just gained a new problem!

After school, I sent Reevesy a message (under orders from Zoe!) saying, “ZOE TOLD ME WHAT’S HAPPENED BUT SHE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND WHY. SHE STILL REALLY LIKES U. SO WHY DID U DUMP HER THEN??” Then this evening I got a message back from Reevesy saying, “IF U WANT THE REASON RING ME 2***29. REEVESY”.

I had my suspicions as to what ‘the reason’ was but I replied, “HAVE U LET ZOE KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM IS YET? JUST SEND ME A MESSAGE WITH A REASON PLEASE.”

My suspicions were then backed up with his reply which said, “I CAN’T I NEED TO TALK WITH U. PLEASE PHONE 2***29”. I lied and said, “NO, DAD’S ON HOME PHONE, ONLY ABOUT 50p CREDIT LEFT ON THIS. JUST SEND A MESSAGE. I CAN DELETE IT.”

Instead, he phoned me and confirmed my suspicions. The conversation went something along these lines:-

Reevesy – Hi, it’s Reevesy.
Me – Oh right, hi. Come on, what’s this reason then?
R – You’ve got to promise not to tell Zoe or anyone.
Me – Right, just say it.
R – Okay. Are you seeing anyone?
Me – Well, erm… no, not exactly. Why?
R – Well, promise you won’t say anything.
Me – Okay!
R – It’s just, well, I really like you.
Me – Oh no! Just don’t go there!
R – Sorry! Please don’t tell Zoe.
Me – This isn’t fair.
R – I know, I’m sorry.
Me – It’s just that I really like Leon and Zoe really likes you.
R – I kind of expected that you liked Leon.
Me – Yeah, I’m sorry.
R – It’s okay. I was expecting it really.
Me – Okay, well thanks for telling me. (Dunno why I said that. Didn’t mean it!!)
R – Right, sorry, bye.

This is bad! If I tell Zoe she’ll get mad with Reevesy and possibly me if she’s feeling unreasonable, and Leon might find out and get pissed off and paranoid that’ll I’ll go off with Reevesy (yeah right!). If I don’t tell Zoe, it could be worse later on if she finds out I know because then she’ll be très pissed off!!

What the hell do I do??! I need to speak to someone about this (other than Abby) who knows Zoe. I think Sarah’s the best candidate. I really want to tell Lizzie but she’s got a big gob on her!

Speaking of Lizzie… she’s just filled me in. She didn’t see Leon because he was playing water polo but she sent him a message asking if he liked me, telling him I liked him and asking if he’s going to ask me out. I hope he does!!

BYE!