It’s probably going to cost me a bomb to send! – 31st January 2001

Wednesday 31st
9 weeks + 1 days to go!

I went into Warrington with Sarah, Lizzie and Cat after college today cos I needed to find something for Jake for Valentine’s Day.

On the bus on the way there, I had the feeling that I probably wouldn’t be able to find anything but I did. For Valentine’s Day, I got him a Purple Ronnie card, an ‘I need a hug’ bear with a blue nose and a chocolate Bang On The Door lolly saying ‘Kiss’ on it.

Then I saw a couple of other things which I’m going to send too cos we’ve been going out a year. I bought him a Boots milk lip balm cos he like mine and a Jessie the Cowgirl doll (out of Toy Story 2) cos I know he likes cowgirls!

I was just beginning to think he wasn’t going to phone when he did at about 7:35pm. He told me he’d had to ski to warm up first which is why he didn’t phone at 7pm like he said he would. He didn’t really have much to say so we just gave each other clues about what we’d bought for one another!

He said he hoped I hadn’t bought him a really big teddy or anything and that worried me a bit cos I have bought him a little one plus a doll! Oh well, he’ll have to make do! He’d better appreciate it cos it’s probably going to cost me a bomb to send!

Bye!

Today’s emails →

31-01-01 Jake email31-01-01 Tess email

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How far did she think that was going to go??! – 30th January 2001

Tuesday 30th
9 weeks + 2 days to go!

I have had such a bad day today! Nothing majorly terrible went wrong, it’s just been loads of little things that have built up over the day and have finally reduced me to tears this evening.

I mean, the main reason I’m not as happy as I could be at the moment is, obviously, that Jake’s so far away for so long.

Then on top of that, our holiday plans fell through but I suppose we are still going anyway, as long as he gets back alive and in one piece and I stay alive and in one piece!

Then there have been all these other people pairing off (e.g. Dec and Lizzie) and normally I’d be happy for them (I am really) but it does sort of keep reminding me of the fact I’m on my own.

Anyway, today seemed to start okay apart from the rain but once I got to college, I didn’t know what to say to Sarah and it was a bit awkward at first until the subject of her not telling Cat about Barcelona came up. Then I just found myself getting annoyed with her which made matters worse cos she then started apologising loads which just irritated me even more!

Then Rachael Hollins started telling us about the latest Hayley stuff with her (she hates Rach now too!) and Sarah started saying how she knows Hayley’s a pain and that Hayley’s been a bitch to her too but it’s just “easier” to be nice to her. That annoyed me too cos people being soft is what Hayley relies on to keep herself in with groups of people. I mean, I know Sarah can’t help being nice, and that’s a good thing, but I can see her letting Hayley become a good friend again and then sooner or later falling out with her and getting upset all over again. Hayley’s not worth that!

The next thing to annoy me was Cat when we were checking our e-mails. I had one and she didn’t so she sat looking over my shoulder saying how unfair it is that I get e-mails nearly every day, and long ones at that, and nobody else gets any. Why shouldn’t I?! She makes me feel guilty though cos I know how I’d feel if it was the other way round but then would she be bothered about me like that?

Next thing to happen was in McDonald’s. I bought a supersize meal with tonnes of chips, only to discover after I’d paid that there was no barbeque sauce! So, instead, the stroppy bitch behind the counter gave me ONE crappy little sachet of ketchup!

How far did she think that was going to go??!

I asked for some more so she gave me about 15 of them! Stupid cow! Not only is it cheap, crappy ketchup but it’s not even in little pots anymore so you have to squeeze it onto something in order to dip your chips in it!

Then, in the car on the way back, Lizzie bloody Bond squirted the contents of her inhaler into my left eye! It wasn’t like it was an accident either! She’s been pissing about with it for ages and then did that to gain a bit of attention, I suppose! Well, she got some bloody attention alright! I didn’t know I had it in me to growl “WHAT?!?” so loudly when she asked me some inane question about something outside the car!

When we got back to college, I then had the ‘pleasure’ of being forced to watch Lizwad and Declan slobbering all over each other! She drags him over to where there’s a large group of people so they can snog and stuff, rather than move to a quiet corner. It’s just to show each other off and rub it in a bit more!

Not only that but when Dec was over the other side of the room, Lizwad was sat all over Gethin then Karen then Dougie and then Robbie Taylor, even when he was sat next to Emma!

The day at college was almost over when I made the mistake of saying my watch strap smells of Jake (I sprayed I with his aftershave!) to Sarah. If she’d have rolled her eyes any more, they’d have disappeared into the back of her head forever!

I couldn’t believe it! I mention him once and I get a reaction like that after I’ve sat through hours of her going on + on + on + on + on + on + on about her ‘Mazzles’! I did have a bit of a go at her and then went quiet before getting “Ooooh, moody!” off bloody Cat! Oh, and she never goes on about Mr L, does she?! Hah, like fuck she doesn’t! Cat is also pretty well known for her mood swings so has no right to call me moody!

After college, I had to put up with Swing Band. Mr P had a go at me and Emma for chatting and then we played the crappest tunes we’ve got!

I mentioned to Emma about everyone’s parents going away in the summer and as soon as I said they Taylor’s dad’s going away, she mumbled something and smiled oddly and then wouldn’t tell me what she said. So, a nice bit of paranoia to end my day at school!

I then tried to tell Cat about Maeve Ackerley getting on my nerves by showing off by playing her flute with one hand and stuff, only to see Maeve stood in close proximity!

I then tried to tell my sister how, for some reason, everyone’s been irritating me today and she said really nastily,” Well, everyone pisses you off!” Bitch!

When I got home, I was just waiting for a phone call from Jake when Abby decided to go on the internet. She wasn’t even doing anything important, just chatting to someone. I was pleading with her to go offline so Jake could phone but she dug her heels in and said she’d only be longer if I didn’t go away.

That upset me cos I really needed to speak to Jake after such a crap day and Mum saw us arguing, told us we’d better have sorted it out by the time Dad got home cos he’s had some bad news, slammed the door and took Mollie out for a walk. Great, bad news!

Jake did phone at about 4:45pm but I spent most of the phone conversation crying down the phone at him saying what a rotten day I’ve had! As usual, he didn’t have much to tell me so we got onto the subject of holidays which cheered me up quite a bit! I love him so much! He can usually make me feel better and he actually listens to me… not that he’s got much choice, I suppose!

I was fine until later on when Mum depressed me again. First of all she started talking about those doctors who’ve taken babies organs and said Grandma L says it’s not as bad as when she was a nurse cos if a baby was born disabled, they just let it die and other awful things like that. She said Grandma didn’t realise how awful it was for families until Auntie S had Iain, who was still born. That upset me to hear all that.

Then, Mum told me that bad news that Dad got. Apparently we owe LOADS of tax (I don’t really understand) and we have no money at all. This has now worried me cos how am I going to go to uni? I know there are ways but I don’t understand money stuff. Mum and Dad also want to pay for my driving lessons too but what with?

Right, that’s about it, I think! My arm’s aching from writing now! I don’t know what’s been up with me today really. Stuff that wouldn’t normally bother me has really got to me instead. Oh well, I’m going to bed!

Bye!

Today’s emails →

30-01-01 Jake email30-01-01 Tess email

I’ve hardly got any time at all!  – 29th January 2001

Monday 29th
9 weeks + 3 days to go!

Sarah wasn’t in college today but I assumed she’d mentioned to Cat that she wasn’t going to Barcelona. I found out she hadn’t when I asked Cat what she was going to do. She just looked at me blankly and asked me what I meant. So, I ended up having to explain and feeling guilty (even though it’s not my fault!) cos Cat said she’d been looking forward to that and was obviously really disappointed.

It was a pretty boring day in college and I had to wait until about 7:15pm before I spoke to Jake. He’d warned me yesterday that he wouldn’t be phoning until later on because he’s sending me a couple of packages with stuff in. He reckons they should arrive on about Saturday.

He also told me he’s got me presents for Valentine’s Day AND our 1 year anniversary! That means I’m going to have to start thinking of something to get him now. I mean, I intended to get him a Valentine’s present but I was just going to get him a card for our anniversary thing. I’m going to have to find him something pretty soon cos we started going out on Feb 11th and that’s only a couple of weeks off. Plus it takes about a week to get to Canada.

Oh no! I’ve hardly got any time at all! I’d better go and think….. quicky!

Bye!

Today’s emails →

29-01-01 Jake email29-01-01 Tess email

My day’s been so boring – 28th January 2001

Sunday 28th
9 weeks + 4 days to go!

Nothing whatsoever has happened today. I’ve been sooo bored! I had to wait until 6:30pm before I could speak to Jake too which made the day drag on even more. He phoned a bit later tonight cos he was having a day off skiing so I wasn’t worried when he didn’t phone at the normal time because I suspected he might have a lie in considering he’s been saying how tired he is.

He didn’t really have all that much to say really. Neither did I cos my day’s been so boring too. We just talked about going on holiday together and stuff again. We’ve decided to suggest going to Barcelona to Cat and Sarah for more of a long weekend than a week and if Sarah still can’t come, we’ll be happy to just go on our own! We’re going to see if more people want to go to Dublin or somewhere for a weekend instead.

Bye!

Today’s emails →

28-01-01 Jake email28-01-01 Tess email

Mum’s just told me I should stop “wallowing in self-pity” – 27th January 2001

Saturday 27th
9 weeks + 5 days to go!

Surprisingly, I haven’t really done much today! That was a sarcastic comment, just in case you hadn’t realised. What the hell did I do at the weekend before I met Jake?!

He didn’t really have much to say on the phone and neither did I so we started talking about our potential holiday to Barcelona with each other plus Cat and Sarah. I found out the flight would be £95 return if we book soon which sounds quite cheap.

I told Sarah and Cat, and Cat was fine about it but Sarah started going on about her parents going away and them not wanting the house to be empty. She’s been saying that every time I’ve mentioned Barcelona but still saying she wants to come.

I then started thinking that if she’d gone away with her parents then the house would’ve been empty anyway. The more I thought about it, the more it sounded like an excuse she could use, just in case she decided she didn’t want to come after all.

So, I sent Sarah a text, pretty much saying that and asking if I was along the right lines. She sent one back saying she can’t come cos she can’t afford it. I mean, fair enough, she might need to save up for uni and stuff but she could’ve told us sooner, before we started to look forward to it cos she must’ve known for a while she wasn’t going to come.

She probably didn’t want to say cos she thought I’d be pissed off or something. Okay, I am a bit but it’s more disappointment than anything else. She can tell Cat, I don’t see why I should have to. At least it wasn’t booked.

Jake and I did discuss on the phone today what we’d do if someone dropped out (cos Cat and Sarah aren’t going to go without someone else cos they’d be stuck with me and Jake!) cos we can’t find anyone else who’ll come cos everyone’s already booked stuff. He suggested just going to Barcelona for a few days and then going to Dublin or somewhere for a weekend after it.

I do like that idea but I did kind of want to go away with a group like in London cos it’s fun when there’s a few people. I also feel a bit funny about going on holiday with just my boyfriend (even though my mum said I am old enough to do that) cos it seems a bit dodgy to other people and they’ll just think we’re going away to have sex all the time. I don’t want people to think that about us.

My mum’s just told me I should stop “wallowing in self-pity” and take notice of other people’s problems too! I mentioned once, maybe twice, that I was disappointed about Barcelona so I hardly call that wallowing! As for noticing other people’s problems, erm… I could’ve sworn that’s all I’ve been doing for the last few weeks! I’ve been quite proud of the fact that I’ve not moaned at anyone myself actually!

Bye!

Today’s emails →

27-01-01 Jake email27-01-01 Tess email 127-01-01 Tess email 2

Rory ended up cuffed to a fence – 26th January 2001

Friday 26th
9 weeks + 6 days to go!

College was boring today this morning so I didn’t mind having to go to John Moore’s Uni later on, even if it was during my free periods. My Sports Studies group all had to go and use the library there for research to help with our coursework but, cos Miss P’s a thick bitch and forgot to check beforehand if she could take us, she left it too late and wasn’t allowed so we had to make our own way there. Rachael Hollins and Tanya Potter were driving but all we had to go by were some crappy directions that Miss P wrote down so we ended up getting completely lost!

When we finally found it, nobody really knew what sort of stuff we needed to research cos there was no teacher with us. We just made use of the rip-off photocopiers (7p per sheet!) and went to find a chippy and then came home!

Jake phoned me at the normal time (about 4:30ish) today but, again, didn’t really have much to tell me! I think I prefer that cos if he was going on for ages about what a good time he’s having then I’d just get really jealous and worry he won’t want to come home. Hang on, I’m doing that already!

A load of us did The Run [a pub crawl] again tonight and, again, it was quite good! I stuck with Cat and Suzie mainly, like I did last week cos everyone else seemed to be pairing off.

Karen looked like such a whore! She was wearing her dog collar (as in one from a pet shop, not the church kind!) and brought her whip and handcuffs too! Rory ended up cuffed to a fence with Karen cracking her whip near him!

Run - Karen in control

Other stuff happened but I’ve mentioned it all in the 2nd email to Jake. [See the emails after my daily ‘Bye!’]

Sarah was following Gethin round like a little sheep again. That worries me cos I don’t want her fancying him again just because she’s FINALLY decided to give up on Maz. She needs to find a lad who lives around here and who isn’t gay!

Cat needs to find a lad that’s a bit similar to our age and who isn’t a teacher!

I know all that’s easier said than done though! Good relationships always seem like something that happens to other people when you’re single too! Before I met Jake, I thought I was never going to find anyone and even now I still can’t quite believe that I did! I tell that to people like Sarah and Cat [yet they shockingly didn’t punch my smug little face] but they still think there’s no way it’ll happen to them. I hope it does!

I still don’t feel all that lucky at the moment cos Jake’s away but everyone keeps saying I should just be glad I’ve got someone, even if he’s not in the same country. I am really but it’s still in the back of my mind that something bad could happen to him and I’ll never see him again. I know that’s really negative but I can’t help it!

I miss him sooooo much!!!

Bye!

Today’s emails →

26-01-01 Jake email26-01-01 Tess email pre-drink26-01-01 Tess email drunk

He took it all completely the wrong way – 25th January 2001

Thursday 25th
10 weeks to go!

I read Jake’s email almost as soon as I got up this morning cos I had an open day at Leeds Uni and so didn’t go to college. It really upset me to think that I upset him cos I really didn’t intend to do that! I just wanted to let him know how I felt last night, that’s all! It obviously backfired and he took it all completely the wrong way.

Leeds Uni isn’t bad at all but they want BCC for my grades and the accommodation’s not a patch on Hudderfield’s. It didn’t have the right feel about it either. Huddersfield did. I think cos it’s a bit smaller. It’s not a sandwich course either but a few students get to study either in Canada or do a year’s work placement. I’ll stick with Huddersfield for now, I think.

It took us ages to get home cos Dad spent an hour and a half looking for a McDonald’s then there were loads of traffic jams and then we stopped to visit Grandma S. She seemed okay! 🙂

When I did get in, some student from Central Lancashire phoned to ask if I had any questions about it. That would’ve been quite handy if I’d wanted to know anything. They must be doing it to everyone who’s applied cos I could hear other people in the background.

At about 7:45pm, I had the nice surprise of Jake phoning. Mum said he’d tried earlier but I wasn’t home. I was sooo pleased he phoned cos I’d been longing to speak to him all day to sort things out but I didn’t think I’d be able to. He said he found a phone where he’s skiing which he says is good for when I’m not in earlier for some reason. I said sorry for everything and he apologised too. It wasn’t a very long call but it was better than nothing and has made me feel a bit happier! 🙂

Bye!

Today’s emails →

25-01-01 Jake email25-01-01 Tess email