An iron mark on the carpet and scally lads outside – 10th July 2000

Monday 10th This morning seemed to last for ages because the coach to take us Swing Band lot to London didn’t come until lunch so we had to do lessons. Hayley was still being a moody cow so I felt a bit sorry for Sarah when I had to leave her!

Keira Osborne, Emma Thornley, Christa East, Cat Elliot and I all claimed the back seat of the coach and had loads of room because we were by the emergency exit. The journey was really boring but I kept getting texts from Jake which helped ease the boredom every so often. Jake told me that he’s going to Florence tomorrow and should be in Prague on Friday. Then I did a quiz in someone’s Cosmopolitan magazine on my perfect holiday destination. Mine came out at Prague! How weird is that?!!

Cat sent Jake a quick message too saying she wished she was travelling around Europe and in his reply he told her that he’d happily swap with her cos he misses me! How sweet! 🙂

I sent him a message myself again later and told him not to chase any foreign girls or anything (I was only kidding) and he said, “HUH CHEEK – YOU KNOW I WOULDN’T EVER THINK ABOUT DOING ANYTHING LIKE THAT! : ( I’VE TOLD YOU BEFORE THAT I’M SENTIMENTAL! WE SHOULD BE IN THE SAME HOSTEL WE STAYED IN AT RADSTADT WITH SCHOOL.”

When we reached London, the coach driver took us all through the centre which was absolute torture for me cos there were so many signs with the word ‘Canada’ on them! We then took a wrong turning past Canada Water Station so I was reminded again of the fact Jake’s going off to be a ski instructor for 3 months! Then we went past Starbucks where we both go! 😦

I told Jake about it and he texted me back saying, “I TOLD YOU IT’S THE LITTLE THINGS… WHEN IN MCDONALD’S, FOR SOME REASON “TESS” WAS PRINTED ON THE SIDE OF BUS THAT WENT PAST! : ( V. UPSETTING! MISS YOU TOO!”

Then the realisation must have kicked in cos he then said, “WOW – SOOO WEIRD! THERE’S SO MUCH WEIRD STUFF GOING ON – NOT JUST NOW BUT ALL THAT STUFF WE LISTED IN THE DOG TOO! I’M NOT RELIGIOUS BUT SOMEONE UP THERE IS…” and then, “TRYING TO TELL US SOMETHING! WE’VE DEFINITELY GOT SOMETHING SPECIAL! TRY NOT TO GET TOO UPSET! THIS IS HORRIBLE BUT IT’LL BE OVER SOON! : ) LOVE xJx”.

When we arrived at Rotherhithe Youth Hostel we were all given our room keys. I was sharing with the people I’d been sat with on the coach plus Maeve Ackerley. The room was 219 and wasn’t too bad at all. We had an iron mark on the carpet and scally lads outside the window but the beds were cool! There were 2 sets of 3 and they were sort of all piled up. I got the top bunk on mine!

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The cool beds and our cool Swing Band attire.

We didn’t do much all evening. We were either in our rooms or at the bar. Henry Rockwell fancies Maeve quite a lot so he was in our room most of the time too!

I had some last night messages from Jake on the subject of Canada. He said he’d love me to go and see him while he’s there and I said I wish I could but I can’t really see it happening. Then he said, “I REALLY WANT YOU TO COME BUT IT’S A LONG TIME TIL I GO! IF THERE’S ANY WAY YOU COULD COME IN FEB HALF TERM THEN I’M TAKING YOU! YOU WOULDN’T HAVE TO STAY IN MY ROOM ALL OF THE TIME… JUST SOME OF IT!”

That would be so good cos I can’t possibly last 3 months without him and not go mad or something but it’d be expensive and I’ve got college and stuff. I suppose we’ll have to see.

Bye!

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I accidentally sent it to Jake – 9th July 2000

Sunday 9th I had a message on my phone from Jake when I looked at it this morning. He’d sent it at 3:48 this morning and it said, “REALLY SORRY – FELL ASLEEP AS SOON AS I GOT IN! DOESN’T SOUND LIKE TOO GOOD A NIGHT! IT’S NICE PEOPLE NOTICED! : ) HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER WHEN YOU READ THIS! LOVE YOU!” I forgot, I’d also told him last night that people had noticed he wasn’t at Denny’s. Actually, it was only one person but that wouldn’t have sounded too good!

I sent him a message a bit later on asking what he was up to today. He told me, “WELL NOT A LOT REALLY – BEING REALLY LAZY AND ITALIANS EAT A LOT! GOING ROUND ROME LATER THEN WE’RE GOING TO THIS GAY/LESBIAN PARTY TONIGHT!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? xJx”.

I said I was doing my Biology homework and then told him that he’d just reminded me that MiniFloyd had been asking after him on Friday and I also asked if Gethin had texted him yet. He said, “YEH HE DID TEXT ME – ONLY PROBLEM BEING I HAD FALLEN ASLEEP AND YOUR MSG WHICH I ONLY READ AT 4:30 BLOCKED MY SIM CARD! I WAS CHATTING TO HIM BEFORE ANYWAY!…” and next, “WHY WAS MINIFLOYD AT DENNY’S??? I’VE KIND OF PERSUADED THE OTHER 2 TO STAY IN AMSTERDAM INSTEAD OF CARRYING ON – SO WE COULD ALL GO TO VALKENBURG FOR A DAY/NIGHT! LOVE xJx”.

I told him not to force Ali and Arran to stay cos there’s not really much point in even Jake coming to Valkenburg because I’ll be doing concerts all the time. I told him I didn’t mind if he didn’t really want to go. He said, “NO – WE’RE GETTING TO AMSTERDAM THE DAY BEFORE YOU ARRIVE – CHARLIE’S GONNA LEAVE US THE NEXT MORNING! THEY SAID THEY DON’T MIND BUT I AGREE THERE’S NOT MUCH POINT!…” and then, “BUT I WANT TO SEE YOU AT SOME POINT – ESPECIALLY IF I CAN’T GET THE COACH HOME! CHARLIE SAYS YOU DON’T GET ANY DAYS OFF! IS THAT RIGHT?? NEED TO SEE YOU! LOTS OF LOVE!”

I told him I don’t know what we’re doing but that I feel like it’s a bit unfair that he’s the one that’s got to do the extra travelling and stuff. I got 3 messages in reply saying “WELL WE’RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE THEN IF THERE IS A SEAT ON THE COACH! IF NOT AND I CAN’T SEE YOU THEN I’M GONNA GO HOME ANYWAY COS I WAS ONLY GONNA STAY…” and then, “TO SEE YOU! NO WAY I’M SPENDING A WHOLE WEEK IN AMSTERDAM! I DON’T MIND COMING DOWN TO SEE YOU IF YOU HAVE TIME – I’LL HAVE TRAVELLED ALL ROUND EUROPE – 3 HOURS…” and lastly, “WON’T BE ANY TROUBLE! I’VE DECIDED – I DON’T LIKE HOLIDAYS ANYMORE! : ( LOVE YOU!… MISS YOU… WANT YOU NOW! xxx Jake xxx”.

Later on I was sending a message to Gethin telling him how we might not see Jake in Holland and that I’m not pleased but I accidentally sent it to Jake instead and he sent me one back letting me know! I apologised and asked if he’d got any others meant for other people and told him that I couldn’t really explain it all fully in texts anyway.

He said, “OK YOU’RE FORGIVEN! : ) LUCKILY FOR YOU I ONLY GOT ONE – I DON’T WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU WROTE IN THE OTHER ONE! SPOSE NOT BUT YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO PUT IT LIKE THAT!…” and then, “I’M NOT PLEASED EITHER!!! LOTS OF LOVE xJx”.

I asked what he thought I’d put it like and he said, “NO – JUST THE WAY YOU SAID YOU WEREN’T PLEASED WITH ME! : ( I’M DOING MY BEST – I HAD MY HEART SET ON SEEING YOU IN HOLLAND! : ( AND HOPEFULLY I WILL…” and then, “OTHERWISE I HAVE NOTHING TO AIM FOR – NOTHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO!! LOVE YOU! xJx”.

I explained that I didn’t say I wasn’t pleased with him, just that I wasn’t pleased but I didn’t get another message in reply to that. So, tonight I sent him another message asking what he’s up to and if he’s still annoyed with me but he said, “OF COURSE I’M NOT ANNOYED – I NEVER WAS! : ) I’M SAT IN A PIZZERIA WAITING FOR THE BILL! GOING TO SOME BARS LATER THOUGH! HOW LONG ARE YOU IN LONDON FOR? LOTS OF LOVE!”

I told him it was only overnight but Abby and Connor (my sister and her boyfriend) had still been arranging when they were going to phone each other. I also pointed out that she’s not told him about our Holland trip and that’s a whole week! Jake said, “OK! AHH HOW SWEET! AT LEAST YOUR MUM WILL GET A WEEK WITHOUT HIM STAYING OVER! YOU KNOW HOW YOU BROUGHT ME BACK THE SHELL, PINE CONE AND STICK FROM YOUR BIOLOGY FIELDTRIP? WELL I’VE GOT…” and then, “A GOOD LITTLE COLLECTION GOING SO FAR! YOU’LL HAVE TO WAIT TO SEE IT THOUGH! LOVE xJx”.

I asked if his mates think he’s mad (cos mine did!) and told him I’d bring him back a bit of the Millennium Dome or something. He replied, “AAH THANKS! YEH FOR 1 PARTICULAR ITEM THEY THOUGHT I’D GONE MAD – BUT I DON’T CARE! IT KEEPS ME OCCUPIED AND THINKING OF YOU! : ) NOT THAT I NEEDS TO TRY! LOVE xJx”.

I told him that I was slightly worried about receiving whatever he’s found me and that it’s so long until I find out. He said, “OH YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORRY! I WISH IT WASN’T SO LONG TOO! THIS IS REALLY DRAGGING ON! GOT SOME INTERESTING STUFF THOUGH! STILL NOT SPOKEN TO HAYLEY?? LOVE xJx”.

I told him that I haven’t had chance to speak to Hayley (not that I really want to though!) and said that my shell etc. are probably going to seem really pathetic compared to whatever he’s found me. Jake said, “NO – I REALLY LIKED WHAT YOU GOT ME! I’ll TREASURE THEM FOREVER! I AGREE – EUROPE’S A BIT MORE INTERESTING THAT AINSDALE! LOVE YOU TOO MUCH! xJx”.

Oh! I’m missing him soooo much!!

Bye!

Gethin thinks he’s fit! – 8th July 2000

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[Diary number 19 – only £1.09!]

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Saturday 8th I got woken up this morning by my mum handing me some post which had come for me. One was just a thing from the bank but the other was a postcard from my boyfriend, Jake Taylor (a.k.a. J when I can’t be bothered writing Jake!).

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He’s gone with 3 of his friends for a month long trip around Europe because he’s finished his A Levels now and has loads of time. So far, they’ve been to Barcelona, Nice, Monte Carlo, Pisa and Rome. The last place they’re going is Amsterdam but Jake said he’ll meet me in Valkenburg because that’s where I’m going with Swing Band this year. One of the lads he’s with, Charlie Wilson, has got to be there anyway because he’s one of our drummers.

It was nice to get a postcard (even though I’ve been getting text messages from him because he’s got a posh phone that works abroad) because it’s something I can keep. He’s got really nice writing, although it reminds me of my dad’s!

I’m getting really jealous of Jake now because he keeps telling me all the nice places he’s been to and what he’s been doing while I’m stuck here with tonsillitis and college to go to! Plus I’m missing him loads.

I texted Jake this morning to let him know I got the postcard and I told him that I wished I wasn’t stuck here! He replied saying, “I MAY BE HAVING A GOOD TIME (ACTUALLY I’D CALL IT INTERESTING) BUT I MISS YOU SOOO MUCH TOO! DON’T THINK THAT I’M HAVING LOADS OF FUN – I’M NOT! ALL I WANT IS YOU! xJx”.

I then told him not to bother about me because he’s on holiday and he made it sound like I was stopping him enjoying himself! I reassured him that where he is has to be better than here too! He said, “YEH BUT MISSING YOU BOTHERS ME A LOT! SO MUCH THAT I CAN’T BE BOTHERED ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE! I AGREE IT’S BETTER THAN BEING WHERE YOU R – BUT I WANT TO BE WHERE U R! x”.

I then told him to at least try not to let it bother him and I said that it’d be better if I was where he is instead! He then said, “I’LL TRY! : ) YEH OK – I’D RATHER U WERE HERE! I’M LYING IN A HUGE DOUBLE BED WITH A BIG CEILING FAN – NICE N COOL! YOU CAN HAVE SOME OF OUR SUN…” and then, “WE’VE GOT A HEATWAVE AND MY SUNBURN IS WORSE THAN YOURS! WE’LL SEE WHO’S GOT THE MOST TANNED ARMS IN 2 WEEKS! (AND FACE N BACK N LEGS!) OWW! IT HURTS! LOVE xJx”.

He’d look weird with a tan cos I’m so used to him being the shade of milk! I asked him if he had to share the bed with anyone and then told him that I didn’t really care about getting tanned cos I’d rather get better. Jake then said, “WELL ARRAN WAS SLEEPING AT THE OTHER END! YEH YOU SHOULD JUST TRY N GET BETTER OTHERWISE I’M COMING HOME EARLY! I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE GOING SOMEWHERE BUT I CAN’T GET UP x”. That would be Arran B, one of his mates, the other 2 being Charlie and Ali.

I then told Jake that he is not coming home early cos I’d feel really guilty if he missed out on anything, so he said, “OK! WE’LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS! CHARLIE SAYS ED IS GOING BACK ON THE COACH SO PRAY THAT THERE IS A SPARE SEAT! TELL GETHIN THAT HE SHOULD GET HIS SKINNY ARSE TO ROME…” and then, “COS THERE’S A GAY PRIDE MARCH ON – THE PLACE IS FULL! I’LL PHONE YOU TONIGHT IF YOU’RE NOT ASLEEP OR AT DENNY’S! LOTS OF LOVE!!! xJx”.

Those 2 messages were about my friend Ed (also a member of Swing Band) deciding to get the coach to Calais with the rest of us. You see, he’s got a job in France for a few weeks and was going to get the train there instead so then Jake would’ve had his place on the coach but it’s unfortunately not going to happen like that now.

They were also about Gethin who is one of my best mates and who is also bisexual apparently. We all believe him. In fact, most people reckon he’s just plain gay and there’s a lot of money riding on it too!

After he sent that message, I replied telling him to watch himself because he seems to attract lads! He’s got a little admirer in Year 7 called Philip Daly (a.k.a. MiniFloyd cos we’re mates with his older brother, Floyd!) and also Julian, a gay lad who we’re mates with, and Gethin thinks he’s fit! I can’t say I blame them really!

I also told Jake I was going to a small party at Denzel Chadwick’s house (Denny, as he’s more commonly known) tonight. His reply was, “OK THEN I’LL WATCH OUT! : ) WHAT TIME R U GOING COS I MISS THE SOUND OF YOUR VOICE! : ) LOVE YOU!!! xxx Jake xxx”. I told him I didn’t know and he said, “OK WELL TEXT ME ABOUT AN HOUR BEFORE YOU’RE GONNA GO! : ) COS I MAY BE SOMEWHERE WHERE I CAN’T CALL YOU – LIKE A CHURCH OR SOMETHING! SPEAK TO YOU LATER! LOVE xJx”.

Jake phoned me at about half past 5. He was just telling me about where he’s staying in Rome and that Florence and Venice are the next couple of places they’re going to. I filled him in on what’s been happening here, which didn’t take long at all! He said “love you” before he went, even though I could her that there were people around him.

I got a lift to Denny’s with Sarah tonight. There weren’t that many people there but it was quite good. That was until I started feeling ill again! I ended up leaving at about 10:30 cos all I wanted to do was go to bed! Not a lot was happening anyway and, of course, Jake wasn’t there.

I got another message off him when I got home saying, “HELLO! : ) HOW’S THE PARTY THEN? PUNCHED HAYLEY YET? I’M AT SOME KIND OF FESTIVAL – IT’S GOT CHEAP BEER N LOUD MUSIC ANYWAY! DID YOU ENJOY YOUR RIBS? LOTS OF LOVE! xJx”. I explained that Hayley (who’s being a bitch to Sarah) didn’t turn up and that Gethin hadn’t brought the barbecue ribs.

I didn’t get a reply so I’m going to bed!

Bye!

 

SHE IS NOT MY BEST MATE!!! – 7th July 2000

Friday 7th I didn’t go to college again because I seem to have scarlet fever or something now!

Sarah came round too cos she was skiving college (hope she doesn’t catch it!) to avoid Hayley who’s still being her bitchy little self! It’s all over Hayley reading a bit out of Sarah’s diary about her being hypocritical an also something about Lena and then went round telling everyone which is totally out of order.

Sarah’s very rightly annoyed with Hayley and Hayley’s annoyed with Sarah for being annoyed with her. Follow?! Now I’ve been dragged into it somehow cos Hayley’s been slagging me off to various people, saying how a best mate should be loyal and stick by her and stuff. She’s just trying to shift the guilt onto someone else cos she knows she’s the one that’s wrong but:

  1. I’ve not said a word about it to her since it all started so how does she know I’m being disloyal? (As it happens, I’ll be siding with Sarah on this one if she brings it up!)
  2. SHE IS NOT MY BEST MATE!!! It’s all in her head! Twisted cow!

Anyway, Sarah and I spent the day happily distorting photos of Hayley’s face on the computer! 🙂

I’ve had loads of messages from Jake today. I sent the first one asking what he was doing and he told me, “I’M SITTING ON A VERY LONG TRAIN JOURNEY TO ROME! IT’S NOT THAT HOT TODAY BUT IT’S REALLY BORING! DO YOU FEEL ANY BETTER?? FEEL AWFUL COS I’M NOT WITH YOU! LOVE xJx”.

I then told him that if he was with me then he’d only end up catching it but he said, “I WOULDN’T MIND CATCHING IT IF IT MEANT I COULD SEE YOU! YOU WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO KEEP ME AWAY FROM YOU! LOVE YOU! x”.

I then pointed out that in 2 weeks’ time I should be in Valkenburg and his reaction was, “YIPPEEE! CAN’T WAIT! YOU BETTER GET WELL BEFORE THEN! HOLLAND SEEMS SO FAR AWAY – IN DISTANCE AND TIME! WANT IT TO HURRY UP – LOOKING FORWARD TO IT SOOO MUCH! xJx”.

I sent him another after that saying how I had a concert at the Parr Hall with Swing Band tonight but it took him a while to reply. He said, “SORRY I  HAVEN’T REPLIED – JUST GOT TO CHARLIE’S AUNT’S HOUSE IN ROME! DON’T DO THE CONCERT – I WANT YOU TO GET BETTER – STAY IN AND REST! : ) NOT BEEN A WEEK YET!…” Then I got the same one again and then another similar one. He must have thought it hadn’t sent! He said, “SORRY I HAVEN’T REPLIED – JUST GOT TO ROME! DON’T DO THE CONCERT – I WANT YOU TO GET BETTER SO REST INSTEAD! : ) THIS IS THE 1ST FRI NIGHT WITHOUT YOU FOR AGES!! : ( xJx”.

Then almost straight away I got, “HAH! FORGOT TO SAY – THIS AMERICAN GIRL ON THE TRAIN WAS READING THIS SOPPY ROMANTIC NOVEL AND THE MAIN CHARACTER WAS CALLED TESSA! SHE KEPT READING BITS AND LAUGHING AT ME x”.

After I’d done with the concert (which was okay) I sent him another message asking why she’d been laughing and telling him what I’d just done for Swing Band. I also mentioned Hayley being a cow. He said, “TOLD YOU NOT TO! CHARLIE IS LAUGHING COS HE MISSED IT! SHE WAS LAUGHING COS IT WAS SO SOPPY – SHE SAID I WAS THE MAN IN IT! THEY THOUGHT IT WAS REALLY NICE THAT…” then, “WE SEND MSGS TO EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME! HAYLEY IS TWISTED! HOW DO YOU KNOW HAYLEY’S ANNOYED WITH YOU? FROM SARAH? x”.

I told him that Gethin, Freda and Henry Rockwell had all told me that she’d been slagging me off. Then he said, “OHHH THINGS AREN’T GOING YOUR WAY AT THE MINUTE ARE THEY?! YOU’RE ILL, HAYLEY’S BEING A BITCH AND I’M HUNDREDS OF MILES AWAY : (…” then I got a really nice one which cheered me up saying, “I MAY BE ALL THE WAY IN ITALY BUT I’M WITH YOU ALL THE TIME, JUST LIKE YOU’RE WITH ME ALL THE TIME – IN MY HEART AND ON MY MIND… PERMANENTLY! : ) LOVE YOU LOTS! xJx”.

That was very soppy but very sweet! I bet he was reading a romantic novel himself on that train!

I agreed with him that things aren’t going my way and told him that I now seem to have a scarletina type thing, and he said, “PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE JOKING! SCARLET FEVER?? : ( HAVE YOU BEEN TO THE DOCTOR’S? I’M REALLY REALLY SORRY I’M NOT THERE FOR YOU! xxx JAKE xxx”.

I told him that he didn’t have to apologise cos I wouldn’t see much of him even if he was here cos I’m ill so he said, “I’M SORRY – JUST IT’S NOT A NICE THING TO HAVE! : ( : ( THIS IS ALL SOOO BAD! : ( : ( I’D BETTER LET YOU SLEEP THEN! HOPE U FEEL BETTER AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! ALL MY LOVE! x”.

I then told him that I didn’t want to sleep so to keep texting (unless he did) and I told him not to feel bad. He sent me 2 back saying, “I WORRY COS YOU’RE THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN MY LIFE! : ) IF I WASN’T – I’D BE WORRYING ABOUT HOW THE HELL I’M GETTING BACK TONIGHT – I’M LOST IN THE MIDDLE OF ROME! xJx”. Then, “OH! AND I DON’T NEED SLEEP SO KEEP TEXTING AND I’LL ASSUME YOU’VE FALLEN ASLEEP WHEN I DON’T GET ANY MORE! LOVE YOU! x”.

I then told him I was a bit worried about him once he’d said he was lost but he said, “HAH – DON’T WORRY ABOUT ME! CHARLIE IS GONNA LEAD US HOME… HE HOPES! NO DON’T MIND IF YOU HIT HAYLEY AT DENNY’S – YOU WOULD BE V. POPULAR! R U GONNA GO FEELING LIKE THIS?? LOVE xJx”.

I told him that I AM going to Denny’s cos I’ve missed out on enough already while I’ve been ill! I also told him that Ed reckons I’ve got ‘missing Jakey sydrome’ and Jake said, “WELL DON’T MAKE YOURSELF ANY WORSE! IF THAT’S ALL YOU’VE GOT – THAT’S OK! YOU’VE ONLY GOT 2 MORE WEEKS THEN YOU’LL BE FINE! MY BATTERY MAY DIE SOON – SO DON’T WORRY…” then, “IF I DON’T REPLY – I HAVEN’T BEEN RUN DOWN BY A CRAZY ITALIAN MAN ON A SCOOTER! LOTS OF LOVE… AGAIN! xJx”.

Later on at about 12:15 am, I got another message saying, “JUST GOT BACK! AND FOUND A PLUG SOCKET! HOW’S ABOUT YOU’RE ALLOWED TO WORRY ABOUT ME AS LONG AS I CAN WORRY ABOUT YOU? ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS…” and then, “YOUR CUTE LITTLE FACE, YOUR LOVELY EYES AND SCRUNCHED UP NOSE ALL LOOKING AT ME! THERE’S NOTHING I WOULD CHANGE ABOUT YOU! – YOU’RE JUST PERFECT! REALLY DO LOVE YOU.”

That was very nice to read but I pointed out that right now I’ve got a pink little face, a stuffed up nose and I can’t look at anything properly cos my eyes won’t focus! I also told him not to be put off by that though! He replied, “AHH! YOU’RE JUST SO SWEET! I CAN JUST PICTURE YOU NOW! WOULDN’T BE PUT OFF – EVER! I KNOW I SAY IT ALL THE TIME – BUT YOU’RE JUST TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE – YOU REALLY ARE!”

I don’t think anyone else would agree! I don’t actually know what I’ve done to make him think that either cos I wouldn’t have thought I’m anything special! I told him that I thought it was the other way round and he said, “WELL WE’RE BOTH REALLY LUCKY THEN! I THINK WE’RE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER! I’M LYING IN BED LISTENING TO THAT LONESTAR SONG – THE LYRICS SUM UP EXACTLY HOW I FEEL! xJx”.

That’s really weird cos I thought that and I told him that. He then said, “WOW! WE ARE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER! I LISTEN TO IT EVERY NIGHT! IT’S A BIT DEPRESSING NOW THOUGH!” That really is freaky cos it used to be one of the ones I listened to a lot at night until he went away cos it was depressing!

I asked him if he was joking and told him that! He said, “NO I’M NOT JOKING! : ) OHH I REALLY CAN’T WAIT 2 WEEKS! BETTER GO TO SLEEP NOW THOUGH – DON’T WANT TO BUT I’M AN HOUR AHEAD AND HAVE A BUSY DAY TOMORROW! I’LL PHONE YOU! x”. That was the last message I got tonight.

Looks like I’ll have to get a new diary then. I’ll probably use this purple hardback notebook I think I’ve got. See you there!

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Sad, pathetic, childish, twisted little cow – 6th July 2000

Thursday 6th I didn’t go to college again today cos I’m feeling rotten again. 😦 I think kickboxing finished me off last night, even though it was good!

I’ve had quite a lot of messages today (I’m writing smaller cos I’ve not got many pages left!) off Jake. I had a couple from last night too saying, “HELLO! HAVE YOU GONE/DID YOU GO K’BOXING? DID YOU SEND THE NAME OF THAT PLACE IN HOLLAND? WANNA KNOW IF MY MSGS ARE WORKING COS I’M IN ITALY NOW! LOVE xJx”.

I told him I wasn’t feeling too great and that I’d get the address of where we’re staying in Holland for him soon. He said, “OK! I’LL LET YOU RECOVER IN PEACE! ON OUR WAY TO PISA NOW – I’LL TRY NOT TO FALL OFF THE LEANING TOWER! NIGHT NIGHT!!! : ) LOADS OF LOVE!!! xxx JAKE xxx”.

I then sent him a msg this morning asking what he was up to. He told me, “I’M LOOKING ROUND THE LEANING TOWER – DON’T WORRY I WON’T BE FALLING OFF – YOU CAN’T GO UP NOW! IT IS TOO HOT! WISH YOU WERE HERE TOO! : ( LOVE YOU LOTS N LOTS!!! xJx”.

I then asked if Charlie had that address and I also told him I got woken up this morning by a magpie pecking at my window! He said, “I SPENT LAST NIGHT SLEEPING ON A TRAIN PLATFORM – I’M V. TIRED SO DON’T MENTION SLEEP! HE’S GOT IT BUT IT’S AT THE BOTTOM OF HIS BAG AND WON’T GIVE IT ME!! LOVE xJx”.

I asked if he really needed the address if Charlie already had it and that I hoped I felt better for Holland. He said, “IF HE’S LOST IT OR SOMETHING THEN I’LL LET YOU KNOW! HE RECKONS IT’S A HOTEL THOUGH?? YOU GOTTA GO – IF NOT, I’M COMING HOME TO SEE YOU! LOVE YOU!!! : ) xJx”.

I asked if it mattered if it was a hotel and he said, “RIGHT WELL I’M STOPPING THERE WHETHER IT’S A CAMP SITE OR THE RITZ!…” and then, “THIS IS LIKE HAVING PART OF ME TAKEN AWAY FROM ME – MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY! : ( SOOO GLAD I’VE GOT THAT PHOTO!! I LOOK AT IT ALL THE TIME! LOVE YOU TO BITS!!! xJx”.

I said I hoped he wasn’t looking at the one Gethin gave him of me looking stoned in a Santa hat all the time and he told me, “NO – ALTHOUGH IT MAKES ME LAUGH, THE ONE YOU GAVE ME IS MUCH NICER! AND WE ARE TOGETHER ON IT! : ) WISH WE HAD GOT TOGETHER EARLIER THOUGH…” and then, “THEN I WOULD BE ON THE ‘STONED’ PHOTO! IF I WASN’T HAPPY ALREADY – I’D GIVE ALMOST ANYTHING TO BE SO! UURRRGHH! : ( NOT FAIR! xJx”.

Christmas '99 Tess stoned Santa

Later I told him that I’d just dreamt we were both in college and he said, “WISH THAT DREAM WAS TRUE! EVEN IF I HAD TO BE IN COLLEGE! IT’S NOT ME PHONING YOU! I’VE JUST FINISHED WASHING ALL MY CLOTHES – I’M WORN OUT NOW!…” (someone phoned the house and hung up when I answered) and then, “I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU!! THAT’S A GOOD THING IN THAT IT SHOWS HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU! : ) BUT THEN IT REALLY HURTS COS I CAN’T SEE YOU AND GIVE YOU A HUG! : (“.

This evening I’ve had a few more messages saying, “HELLO! WHAT ARE YOU UP TO? JUST BEEN FOR A MEAL – WE’RE WANDERING ROUND DOING NOTHING NOW! ACTUALLY THE ONLY WAY I CAN PARTLY TAKE YOU OFF MY MIND…” then, “IS BY STUFFING MY FACE FULL OF REALLY NICE FOOD! NOT THAT I WANT TO TAKE YOU OFF MY MIND COS YOU’RE A V. NICE THING TO HAVE ON YOUR MIND! LOTS OF LOVE!!! xJx”.

I told him I was lying on the sofa, wrapped up in my duvet, looking very pink (cos I’ve developed a temperature) and feeling very miserable cos he’s so far away! He replied, “AAAGGHH! ARE YOU NOT GETTING ANY BETTER THEN? : ( I JUST WISH I COULD CUDDLE UP TO YOU NOW! – JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES AND DREAM ABOUT IT! ARRAN SAID…” then, “HE AND ALI ARE GOING BACK TO CALAIS ON THE TRAIN AND THAT ED COULD GO WITH THEM WITH MY TICKET! : ) HE IS REALLY MISSING HIS GIRLFRIEND TOO! LOVE YOU! xJx”.

I’m going to be disappointed if Jake can’t get the coach back with us now. Mind you, I usually end up looking really rough after travelling for a long time so maybe it’s not such a good idea!!

Hayley’s being a right bitch to Sarah. If I had more energy I’d explain and then slag the hell out of the lanky whore but I need sleep so I’ll do it another day if I decide it’s not a waste of ink and paper cos everyone knows what a sad, pathetic, childish, twisted little cow she can be!!

Bye!

I was so relieved that he’s still alive! – 5th July 2000

Wednesday 5th 🙂 Okay, I’m a bit happier now that I was yesterday! The reason being that Jake sent me a message at 7:42 am explaining why he hasn’t been in touch. He told me, “HELLO! HAVEN’T BEEN ABLE TO TEXT U COS THERE R NO PLUG SOCKETS IN THE HOSTELS AND MY PHONE WAS DEAD! I’M PLUGGED IN IN A CAFÉ NOW! HOPE U GET WELL SOON!…” and then he said, “I’LL PHONE YOU TONIGHT! I’M TIRED – SLEPT ON A BEACH LAST NIGHT! AND I’M V. BURNT! LOVE YOU LOADS!!! xxx JAKE xxx”.

I was so relieved that he’s still alive! I then asked him if he got the message with Ed’s number on. He said, “YEH I GOT THAT MSG! – SORRY I’M LATE REPLYING – I HAVE TO KEEP TURNING MY PHONE OFF TO SAVE THE BATTERY! YEH – WE’RE SAT IN A CAFÉ ON THE GRAND PRIX CIRCUIT!…” then, “WE’VE JUST WALKED THE WHOLE CIRCUIT! ARE YOU STILL ILL? I’M SO BURNT! OW! LOVE xJx”.

The next message I sent was just asking if he’d got the messages Gethin sent him and he said, “YEH – TELL HIM I GOT EM BUT THE NETWORK I WAS ON WOULDN’T LET ME SENT ANY BACK! THESE DAYS SEEM SO LONG! – ONLY BEEN GONE 4 DAYS – SEEMS LIKE WEEKS! LOVE YOU! xxx”

The next message I got after I’d told him I was bored said, “I’M SAT WRITING YOUR FIRST OF MANY POSTCARDS! WHAT’S YOUR POSTCODE? WISH YOU WERE HERE NOW – IT’S SO NICE HERE AND I WANT TO SEE YOU!…”

Yeah, that’s right, just rub in the fact that you’re somewhere nice and I’m stuck here, why don’t you?!! Anyway, then he said, “KEEP SMELLING MY WATCH STRAP COS IT SMELLS SO NICE! : ) YOU’D BETTER GET WELL BEFORE VALKENBURG! ME n CHARLIE HAVE JUST FOUND IT ON A RAIL MAP! CAN’T WAIT! LOVE xJx”.

I then told him that I’d found out that Sarah’s mum wouldn’t have minded if we’d swapped beds on Friday and that Denny’s having an all night gathering and that Sarah’s very pissed off with Hayley for telling people stuff she’s read in Sarah’s diary. It spread over more than one message so Jake asked, “WHAT HAPPENED TO THE REST OF THAT MSG?? IF YOU WERE GONNA SAY WHAT I THOUGHT YOU WERE THEN WHY DIDN’T SHE SAY SO? CAN’T BELIEVE I HAD TO SLEEP WITH GETHIN! LOVE xJx”.

I sent him another telling him what it had said but he didn’t get that one either. I know cos he phoned at about 6:00 pm. He was telling me that they were going to go to a beach party but there’d been big bouncers with big dogs so they hadn’t bothered! They’re still being irritated by Charlie cos he’s not embarrassed to speak a foreign language to try and get them into a casino or onto a yacht! All he really told me was what they’ve been doing and how they’re going to Radstadt in Austria where we first went skiing.

Oh, I forgot to write down what Gethin told me Jake had been saying at Sarah’s on Friday. He said he wanted to end up married to me, that he only had eyes for me (that was linked to something about Canada) and that he covered his face with his hands (Gethin said he was close to tears!) and said he was going to miss me. There was other “lad stuff” but Gethin wouldn’t say what!

Bye!

Lying lost and injured (or worse!) – 4th July 2000

Tuesday 4th I didn’t go to college today cos Mum made me stay at home cos I’ve got a really, really sore throat. So, because I’ve been bored all day, I’ve had plenty of time to worry!

You see, I’ve not heard from Jake at all since yesterday lunch and I sent him 2 more messages today which he hasn’t replied to. There could be plenty of reasons why he’s not answered, the most likely reason being that he’s got no signal or his sim card’s blocked cos I know Gethin sent him a couple of messages last night and he’s only got one space on his phone cos the other 9 are taken up with ones from me that he doesn’t want to delete! Or maybe his phone’s just been in the bottom of his bag.

Then there are the more unlikely reasons that are constantly at the back of my mind. For example, he’s been mugged and his phone’s got nicked and he’s lying lost and injured (or worse!) in some place in the middle of nowhere or something else bad has happened to him, like if he fell of that hill he said he was on yesterday!

I’d just have thought if there was a problem with his mobile then he’d find a payphone or something to ring me from cos that’s what I did when I was skiing, just to let him know. Also, he told me on Sunday that he’d ring me in the next couple of days. To me, a couple means 2 and correct me if I’m wrong but Tuesday is a couple of days after Sunday!

I’ve been tempted to ring him to see if the Orange woman tells me his phone’s switched off or whatever but if he answered, I’d feel daft for worrying so much as well as I’d lose quite a bit of calling credit! Mind you, he couldn’t complain about me worrying cos I seem to remember Cat telling me that someone told her that the night I didn’t ring him while I was skiing, he was sat in Paris, clutching his phone saying, “Why isn’t she ringing? She always rings around this time!” and stuff!

Oh God! I can’t stand this!! I’m really missing him and miss getting nice messages off him all the time, and the fact that he’s not been in touch at all today is not helping matters!

I keep telling myself that I’m being stupid worrying like this but then I keep remembering TV programmes like 999 where the people on them have always said that, “It’s the sort of thing that you think only happens to other people but it could happen to you too” and stuff like that!

Usually writing stuff down in here makes me feel better but putting this lot on paper is having very much the opposite effect! 😦

Bye!