Puffing and blowing and waving about – 4th March 2001

Sunday 4th
4 weeks + 4 days to go!

I had another driving lesson this morning. My instructor kept saying I was good seeing as I’ve only had 3 lessons and that we got through quite a lot again today. I drove from my house to somewhere in Warrington where there was a housing estate so I could learn how to slow down and turn and stuff. I made a few more mistakes than before cos I’ve had more to concentrate on today and it’s getting more complicated. I thought it went quite well though.

I drove home again but stalled trying to turn up the lane. I got a bit flustered cos there was a big van behind me. My instructor told me afterwards that the men in it had been puffing and blowing and waving about cos they’d been annoyed at having to wait for me to start up again. He told me to ignore people like that and he’s right but it did piss me off a bit.

Then when I got in, Dad started telling me not to be surprised if it all starts to go wrong in the 5th or 6th lesson when it starts getting more complicated. He did say it’d improve again but it put me off a bit cos I don’t want it to go wrong. I ended up getting a bit upset but then got really upset when I got told I was being pathetic and over-reacting to what Dad said. Mum then said I’ve got to stop over-reacting about stuff such as my legs and failing Biology exams when all I really wanted was reassurance.

So, I got even more upset to the point where I couldn’t breathe properly! 😦 I just wanted to explain that I can’t help worrying and when people get annoyed with me it make me worse. I just need to tell people things sometimes. I did calm down eventually and apologised for being ‘pathetic’ and I felt much better after having a good cry!

Mid-upset, I wrote down what was going through my mind, seeing as no-one seemed to be listening! →

04-03-01 List of worries.jpg

I really don’t know what was up with me cos I don’t get into that sort of state very often. I think it’s just cos I’ve had a bit of a horrid week, what with exams and starting to worry about my legs, and Jake being away and not ringing me on time and stuff. Maybe it was cos my period’s due in a couple of days too! I think what Dad said just hit a nerve cos I did bother a bit today that my lesson didn’t go as well as it could’ve done!

Jake phoned at 4:25 pm today. He kept saying he wants to come home. Good! It hadn’t snowed there yet so maybe it’ll all melt! 🙂 We were trying to think of somewhere he could get a job when he gets back, just in case his dad makes him but everywhere I suggested he came up with a reason not to work there. He doesn’t want a job, that’s why! I can’t say I blame him cos I don’t either!

We talked about Barcelona too and he mentioned that even if we have to get up for breakfast, we can always go back to bed for a bit afterwards! 🙂


Today’s emails →

04-03-01 Jake email04-03-01 Tess email

I quite like liking him – 6th November 1997

Thursday 6th Dougie wasn’t in school again today but Freddie was.

Emma said she and Hayley told Freddie about me having Ralph as my husband in that game. I don’t know if she did, she might just be winding me up.

Then, outside English after school, Hayley yelled to Ralph, “Will you go out with Tess?!” I think he said no but I nearly thumped Hayley!

I had this ski meeting tonight and you had to go with your parents so I didn’t want to. Dad and Abby came coz Mum’s been at some meeting. I got to school and Emma was waiting for me. Dad and Abby sat with Emma’s mum and I sat a few rows behind with Emma and Rachael Hollins.

More people came including Freddie. There was nobody else sitting on our row at that point and he was with his mum. He went further up the stairs from her and sat at the end of our row. I looked at him and he smiled at me. I nearly told him to come and sit with us coz he looked like he wasn’t sure if he should or not. Then I thought about Dad so I left it.


Boring meeting and I can’t be arsed explaining. Charlie W sat in front of us though.

I think I’ll give you an update on lads I like. There’s

DOUGIE but I might actually be going off him a bit. [Whaaaat?!] I still like him but he’s a bit boring. He’s funny to watch but he doesn’t mean to be. I might like him a bit more if he was a bit more enthusiastic about coming places with us. I’ve liked him for years and I quite like liking him, d’you know what I mean? I don’t really want to go off him but I can’t help it.

FREDDIE is another one that I have started to like more recently. I didn’t really know him before he came to Manchester with us. I like him coz he’s quite funny. None of my friends know I like him. Emma thinks I do but there’s a difference.

I don’t believe I’m about to write this but I actually quite like RALPH. I don’t fancy him like Dougie and Freddie, he’s more a like-as-a-friend. [Hmmmm.] Every time that ‘Do You Think I’m Sexy?‘ song by N-Tyce [It was N-Trance.] and Rod Stewart comes on it reminds me of Ralph coz he was going round Manchester singing it! He’s sort of nice (not looking) really and funny. He’s one I don’t want to fancy coz it’s embarrassing!

There are others I like but I can’t think of ’em now.


I could actually like him! – 7th October 1997

Tuesday 7th I caught Dougie glancing at me today. Twice! [Thank GOD! Yesterday I thought he was never going to look at me again!]

First time was when he was coming up the stairs this morning for form and he walked past and glanced sideways at me. The second time he was coming down the stairs a few minutes later and he was sighing, I think, and he turn right round and looked at me again.

Too many people like him at the moment! There’s

Zoe’s sis in Year 7
Lizzie says she likes him but hasn’t mentioned him for a while
Emma denies liking him but I don’t believe her!

[They were just the ones I knew about. I definitely had more competition than that. Pretty much all the girls in school fancied Dougie because he’d moved from Cumbria and was therefore all exotic.]

Hmmm….. What else has happened today??? Oh yeah, Mrs P collapsed or something in the middle of the quad. I’ve heard so many different sides of it but I saw the ambulance.

I went to Swing Band this afternoon after school coz Mr P wants me and Emma to join for the Paris trip.

Davis kept winking at Lizzie in English so I asked him why and he just said something about her looking at him between blowing his bloody trumpet down my ear!

Charlie W kept smiling at me too. I hate to admit this but… well… he sorta looks cute when he does and I could actually like him! [I KNEW IT!!! There’s been way too much in my diary about how much I didn’t like him for that to be true. The lady doth protest too much and all that.]

Urgh!!! What am I saying?! Anyway, he hardly ever smiles and when he does, I’d better just not look!

Dougie was in the Music block at lunch actually. He was in a practice room with a few other lads on the kit. They all went out so he said he’d come and stand with us instead of being on his bill.

Hey, I hope Dougie doesn’t like Emma! He’s so horrid to her. Maybe he does it for attention! I hope not!