What the hell am I supposed to do now??! – 18th June 2000

Sunday 18th Sarah was being normal with me again this morning but then I think she knows I wasn’t all that pleased with her last night.

I got a message off Gethin before saying Jake and I are 2 of the most antisocial people he knows and that Floyd’s annoyed with us. I sent him one back saying that I didn’t really feel like socialising with him or Sarah after they’d been so nasty and I asked why Floyd was annoyed.

Then Gethin phoned me. He said Floyd was annoyed cos we hardly spoke to anyone and that Sarah wasn’t pleased either. Apparently she said something to Henry Rockwell about it but I’m not sure what exactly. He really upset me and I couldn’t help but cry so I couldn’t say what I wanted to properly. He started going on about how, whenever we go out, it’s never on our own but then we pretty much ignore everyone else.

If I didn’t go out with them though, they’d be even more annoyed and if I didn’t go out with Jake, he would be. I can’t win! I go out with everyone to try not to cause that sort of trouble but it’s obviously not worked! What the hell am I supposed to do now??!

Hayley phoned before and told me she’s found a potential new boyfriend in the form of a cricketer at the Sports Club. That’s good cos he must be better than Andy! I told her what Gethin said and she thinks they’re being really unfair and selfish. I’m so glad she doesn’t agree with them! For all the times she’s been a pain in the neck and stuff, she’s still a good mate and usually sticks by me. She reckons Sarah’s jealous of me and Jake cos we’re happy together. I think Hayley understands more about why I want to be with Jake because she’s the same with Andy.

I sent Jake a message before asking if he got Gethin’s message cos Gethin said he’s sent him one saying pretty much the same as in the one he’d sent me. Jake’s reply was, “YEH I’VE JUST GOT IT! WELL WHAT DOES HE EXPECT? NOT MY FAULT I’M BESOTTED WITH YOU! WAIT – GETHIN JUST PHONED – ARE YOU UPSET WITH SARAH? HE SAYS YOU WERE REALLY UPSET! : (“.

This evening, I got an apology from Gethin that stretched over 7 text messages! It basically said how he’s so, so sorry and didn’t want to make me cry and how he’s just worried about me cos I’m going to need my mates when Jake goes away, blah, blah blah… more soppy crap about how much he cares about me… blah, blah… and how I can talk to him any time etc!

I didn’t answer cos I’m still quite annoyed because he had no right to say what he said cos he’d be no better if he had a girlfriend/boyfriend! He also apologised for saying what he said cos it was out of order. Too right it was!! I just want to know what triggered it all.

He seemed to think I was upset cos I’ve fallen out with Sarah which I haven’t. I spoke to her earlier and she reckons he was a bit over the top too. Maz P phoned her earlier so she’s happy!

I sent Jake a message to let him know Gethin had apologised and he replied saying that Gethin’s just concerned about me and that he is too. He said he doesn’t like seeing or hearing about me getting upset cos I’m not the type to get upset unless something’s really bothered me. He said he cares about me and doesn’t want to worry when he’s on holiday but that he will do all the time!

I sent him another telling him not to worry and that he shouldn’t have to bother about me while he’s away. He replied, “BUT I WANT TO BE BOTHERED ABOUT YOU! I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU ANYWAY – NEVER MIND WHEN I’M NOT GONNA SEE YOU! IT’S JUST NOT LIKE YOU…” and then, “YOU’RE SO STRONG AND MOTIVATED! I EXPECT IT FROM HAYLEY BUT NOT FROM YOU! I WANT TO SEE YOU HAPPY AND SMILING – ALL THE TIME! I LOVE YOU! x”.

The second message made me feel like I’ve let him down or something because I got upset! I don’t think he meant it like that though.

He said he’s in college for an exam tomorrow so I’ll see him at lunch hopefully. He’s not mentioned anything about the funeral or anything so I’m not sure what’s going on there.

Bye!

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