I didn’t know what to say – 8th June 2000

Thursday 8th Sarah, Gethin, Jake and I all went to the Trafford Centre this afternoon, mainly because Gethin wanted to go in Starbucks again! That’s where we ended up spending most of the day! We did wander round the shops for a while and when we were in Topshop, the lads raced over to stare at the shoe section as soon as one of them spotted a pair of cowboy style boots!

Neither of them can explain why they’ve got a thing for cowboy gear! Gethin asked Jake if he’d prefer a totally naked girl or one with cowboy stuff on to try and explain. Jake said it was totally different but eventually said cowboy stuff cos then lads can use their imagination too! It still didn’t explain the cowboy stuff though! There was also a poster of a model in a cowboy hat and bikini which they wanted to take down and put in the car to take home with them!

Jake dropped us all off at home on the way back and left me until last. By then I was still getting phone calls from Hugo as I had been doing all afternoon. I didn’t think anything of it cos Jake had his phone switched off and Hugo usually rings me if he can’t get through to Jake’s phone. I also didn’t think much of the fact the Jake wouldn’t let me answer it cos I know he doesn’t particularly like me talking to Hugo, probably for fear that he’s going to tell me stuff I don’t need to know!

Anyway, just as I was about to get out of the car when he pulled up by my house, he explained why he hadn’t wanted me to speak to Hugo. He told me that his mum died this morning and that he wanted me to hear it from him first rather than Hugo.

I was just totally shocked because he seemed so cheerful today and I didn’t think it would happen quite this soon either. I didn’t know what to say. I think I just said, “Has she?” first of all because I couldn’t quite believe it. He just said how he doesn’t really like talking about it so I said, “Fair enough” or something and gave him a hug cos he asked for one. We had a quick snog but his watch beeped and made us laugh so I went home.

It’s still not really sunk in. He just told me in such an “Oh by the way…” type way too. That was one of the last things I expected him to have told me after such a good day out. He also told me that he wasn’t “mega-upset” or anything.

I spoke to Hugo briefly this evening. He said he’d spoken to Jake who’d told him I looked a bit “shell-shocked” when he told me. Hugo also said that he hadn’t expected it either and that Jake’s probably not “mega-upset” because he knew it was going to happen and it was just more the when that was worrying him because of exams and stuff. Hugo also reckons it’s a bit of a weight off Jake’s shoulders too.

Apparently his sister, Clara, and their dad are most upset and they left it a while before telling Robbie because he had exams today. I think Hugo said that they’re not sure when they’re going to have the funeral because of all the exams and stuff but he was breaking up so I didn’t quite catch that bit.

Hugo repeated that Jake doesn’t tell many people about it because he doesn’t want them to think he’s doing it for attention. I wouldn’t think that but I know what he means. I’ve hesitated when deciding whether to tell people certain stuff before now for the same reason.

It took me ages to get round to telling my mum tonight. For a start, I didn’t know when or what to say to her so I just said it during Eastenders. I thought she was going to cry but she managed to control it and kept asking how Jake was. I had to say I didn’t know cos I really don’t. She kept saying how she felt sorry for them all, especially his dad.

I felt guilty telling her cos I don’t feel like I should cos it feels like it’s not my place to say cos it’s none of my business but she wouldn’t have found out another way soon, and if she’d have found out from someone else in the future somehow then she’d wonder why I hadn’t said anything now. I sort of had to tell her really.

I also told Abby because she’s known what went on before and if I hadn’t said something, Mum might’ve done. I’m assuming Dad knows too. I don’t think any of them’ll say anything to anyone.

Sarah rang me before and starting asking if I know why Hugo had been trying to phone so much (he also rang her, probably to get hold of me). I didn’t tell her at first cos, again, I didn’t feel like I should and also I didn’t want her to think I was trying to get attention if she thought I was upset (which is why I can see why Jake thinks that). She asked again later in the conversation and also if I thought something bad had happened so I sort of had to tell her then. I felt a bit guilty again.

She sent me a message before saying she’d had to tell her mum because she’d looked upset when she’d finished talking to me and her mum wanted to know why. Her dad probably knows now too but she says they won’t tell anyone else and neither will she.

Hayley phoned before. I didn’t tell her. Apparently Andy’s seeing another girl. I can’t say I didn’t expect it!

Hugo rang again just now. I’ve been on the phone to him for about 45 minutes! He can’t half talk, that lad!! We were just talking about Jake again as well as other subjects such as Hugo having a squirrel in his exam room! He also told me that Jake’s said he’s snogged about 20 people! That was one of those pieces of information I could’ve done without knowing!

I keep getting upset a bit at various intervals, although I feel like if Jake doesn’t seem that upset (which he probably is) then why should I be?

I think I need to get some sleep.

Bye!

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2 thoughts on “I didn’t know what to say – 8th June 2000

  1. Oh that poor kid. Having to face something like this so young kind of breaks/changes something in you. Something similar to this is one of the reasons I started a diary in my teens & one of the reasons I find them hard to revisit. So much to take on for all of you.

    Liked by 1 person

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