Got shown his knob, came back – 22nd & 24th January 2000

Saturday 22nd I went to LA Bowl tonight. Quite a lot of people went again but nowt interesting happened.

Hayley went off with Andy, got fingered, got shown his knob, came back.

Chris Kelly-Banks snogged Amanda Bryan.

Furry Anton Roper snogged Amanda’s sister, Stephanie.

Freda was being a lesbian at me again and was pissing me off so I had a right go at her. She stopped after that. It probably won’t last too long though unfortunately.

I sent a message to Damon on behalf of Lizzie on her phone saying stuff like, “I want you” and “I’ve been in denial for so long” and “I’m finally letting my feelings be known”. We wanted a response but never got one.

Lizzie told me that Amir’s middle name begins with J and that he’s got wandering hands. Apparently Becki bent over at some party thing and he was having trouble controlling his hands and admitted that he couldn’t help it but he had wandering hands and was dead embarrassed once he’d sobered up!

BYE!

Monday 24th Boring day. I had a 3-part apology text message from Freda today saying sorry for pissing me off on Saturday and that she’s only joking cos she’s really in love with Jenny Wilde!

I found out today that Stu’s the cousin of a girl called Emily who used to go to my primary and high school. Small world as Hayley put it.

BYE!

P.S. The Man Utd v. Arsenal match was a bloody good one tonight, even if it was only 1-1. Utd have got a good few games in hand though.

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“Tess Simpson! Go and wash your mouth out with soap and water!” – 19th January 2000

Wednesday 19th I had my most embarrassing moment this afternoon. I don’t know if I can write it so it sounds as bad as it was but I’ll certainly try.

At last break, I went up to the common room to find Sarah saying to Cat, “I really want to tell someone!” Cat agreed so I just had to know what it was. I mithered Sarah about it for 10 minutes until I began to get somewhat nearer to finding out what was going on.

I found out that Karen had confessed something unexpected of her in a game of ‘Truth or Dare?’ so I began to guess. Karen was behind me so whenever I came up with an idea, I turned round and asked her e.g. “Have you lost your virginity to Floyd Miller?”

I’d just asked Karen something and I turned back to Sarah after being told I was wrong and Sarah gave me a huge clue. So, I turned round and yelled, “Karen, did you wank someone off??!!” only to be faced with Mrs L about 3 feet away from me!!!

The room was full of people, all of which went deadly silent, waiting for a reaction as I slammed my hand over my mouth. Mrs L eventually said, “Tess Simpson! Go and wash your mouth out with soap and water!”

The whole room erupted into fits of hysterical laughter as I collapsed in a heap of embarrassed giggles on a chair, being thrown disapproving looks from Mrs L. It was awful!

Since then, people who weren’t in the room (of which there were very few unfortunately) have been asking me about it. Everyone seems to know! Cat made sure she told Mr L and Mr P-K about it at the dry ski slope after school too. They just found it very amusing!

I have an extremely swollen shin too because of a less but still embarrassing moment as I fell of a chair. I was stood, dancing about on one and it tipped up and I smashed my shin against the edge of the table. Owww!!

I’ve also set a trend with my ‘Roses are red’ poems. Everyone’s making them up and writing them on the white board. Some are:

Roses are red,
Big Paul’s built like a tank,
Ed wants to give Julian,
A really good wank!!
(Ed asked Julian if he could wank him off a week ago!)

Roses are red,
Gethin best watch his pace,
Or Lizzie’s big head,
Might explode on his face!!
(That’s a really snidey one but it was only sent in a text message to Sarah cos Lizzie’s being a bitch to her constantly.)

Roses are red,
Lizzie needs a good kick,
Someone we know,
Has a maggot for a dick!!
(That was about Aled cos everyone says he has no thing!)

Roses are red,
Fat, greasy and ginger,
That Big Paul,
Is such a minger!!
(Aimed at Cat to put her off him cos he’s seeing Emma so she’s got no chance.)

Roses are red,
Sarah L costs 10 pence,
Cat wants to ram,
CKB on your fence!!
(The 10p was cos Julian said if she was a prostitute that’s what he’d pay. CKB’s Chris Kelly-Banks if you’re wondering. Not the fragrance!)

I had a message from Stoned Rob (Lizzie’s new stalker is now called that cos he looks stoned) saying, “Phone me Babe.” I’m worried!

BYE!

Dougie suggested that we should run away together – 15th & 17th January 2000

Saturday 15th Guess where I went tonight. Bloody LA Bowl again! I’m sick of the place! It was a bit better tonight cos more of us went. Dougie and I were both having a problem with same sex admirers though. Julian was after him and Freda is still after me. HELP!! Dougie suggested that we should run away together. Shame he wasn’t serious. Phwoar! He is sooo nice!

I also got looked up and down by some bloke. He was with a group who were all alright except him. He was manky looking with glasses. Just my luck!

Amir got my message last night while he was working at the pool with Lizzie. She told him that I’d been writing “I ♥ Amir 4eva + eva amen” on the whiteboard at school and she said he got a bit freaked out so she admitted I was only messing about.

Apparently he sent a message back last night saying, “I LOVE U 2” or something but I never got it so I sent one to him saying, “LIZZIE SAID U SENT ME A MESSAGE BUT I DIDN’T GET IT (sob sob!). NEVER MIND, I STILL WANT U! SORRY IF I’M FREAKING U OUT, IT’S JUST THAT I LOVE U SOOO MUCH! TESS x :)” It’s going to be embarrassing if I ever see him again!!

I did get a reply but it only said, “CAN’T TALK, ON MY WAY TO SMITHS”. It’s his equally minging mate Rick’s birthday so they were off out clubbing. I wonder if he got a snog. Lizzie said he’s always whinging  cos he’s only met [snogged] 2 people and it was ages ago. Aaaahh.

BYE!

Monday 17th I’ve been texting Amir again today. I started it this morning by saying, “HELLO! HOW R U? I’M V.V.V.V. BORED SO I’M IN LOVE WITH U AGAIN! JUST THOUGHT I’D LET U KNOW. LOVE TESS xxxxxxxx”.

I wasn’t expecting it but I got a reply. It said quite simply, “I LUV U 2”. So, I sent another  saying, “DO U? GREAT!! R U BORED 2? I STILL HAVEN’T GO THAT MESSAGE U SENT ON FRI. WHAT DID IT SAY? LUV TESS xxx”. He replied saying, “I DECLARED MY UNDYING LUV 4 U! I’M V. BORED. NOT DONE MY COURSEWORK SO MY TEACHER WILL KILL ME!”

Lizzie said that the message I didn’t get said something like, “I love you 2 + I’m not under the influence of anything!” She was there when he wrote it.

The next message I sent to Amir said, “ HAVE U GOT ANY MATES THAT WANT TEXT SEX COS MY MATE SARAH IS A BIT DESPERATE?! SHE’S BORED 2. SHAME I NEVER GOT URE MESSAGE. LUV U! TESS xxx :)”. Sarah’d been moaning that she didn’t get many messages which is why I sent that one. Amir replied, “MY MATE BRETT WILL PROBLY TALK BUT WE’RE GOING TO OUR ORAL SESSION! SPEAK WITH U LATA. 07940 ******.” The number was his mate’s so I sent a daft message to it from Sarah’s phone.

I sent Amir a message later saying, “HAVE U FINISHED URE ORAL SESSION YET?! I’M STILL AT COLLEGE SO I’M STILL BORED SO I STILL LOVE U! LUV TESS xxxxx”. I didn’t get a reply to that one.

I got some daft message later from him and Brett (Lizzie’s ex) with loads of ‘i’s and ‘!’s and then, “SEND THIS TO 5 PEOPLE + U WILL BE LOVED BY THE 1 U LOVE IN THE YEAR 2000!” I didn’t send it to anyone because it’s a waste of bloody credit! In fact, I bet the phone companies started it just for that reason!

I made up another one of my poems before for Lizzie cos she didn’t know what to send to Gethin. It goes:-

Roses are red,
Cars have a horn,
You’re in denial,
But we know you watch porn.

I hope she doesn’t actually send it!

Recently, Lizzie’s been getting dodgy text messages from the Orange website. She found it out was Brett’s mate Rob (who was there on Bonfire Night) tonight cos he rang her asking to meet up and stuff.

BYE!

Loot (+ Pillage!) – 12th & 13th January 2000

Wednesday 12th The Hayley-Andy situation is not too good again. He’s told her she’s too pushy and sends too many text messages and phones too much. I very nearly told her to stop ringing him after about the 8th time the other day for the very reason that it might annoy him but I decided against it because of Hayley’s temper.

Sarah has also decided that ?Mark’s a creep so she’s stopped texting him. I am doing it on her behalf again. He actually wanted us to go bowling tonight but we couldn’t. Well, this has all blown any chance I had of seeing Stu again.

I went skiing after school today but unfortunately it was only to the dry ski slope in Runcorn. We are being prepared for the school ski trip to France in February. I’ve done it before because I went to Austria with school 2 years ago (it doesn’t seem that long!) so I could manage pretty well but Abby was having trouble!

I got my white belt at kickboxing tonight. I’m dead proud of it! It’s not very impressive (or scary!) when you say you’re a white belt but I don’t care. I think it’s cool!

BYE!

P.S. ?Mark says he’s known Stu since he was 6. Aaah!!

Thursday 13th In the room I hang round in at college, someone’s brought in a white board and people started putting daft advertisements about each other up. At the top it says “Loot (+ Pillage!)” for a title and then the adverts say stuff like:

In the lost and found section there was stuff like:

  • Lost:- Virginity. If found please contact me on…

There were 2 that included me:

  • Tess wanted for carpet-licking contest! Please contact Freda on 07876 ******.
  • Vicious rumours + bitchyness by Tess on 07876 ******.

One about Lizzie was done in hope that she’d get the hint. It said:

Hearing problems? Contact Lizzie Bond and get constant repetitions until you die of boredom. Tel: 07900 ******.

I thought it was a bit mean but it didn’t work, anyway.

Hayley sent a message to Andy last night and Stu was replying to them. Then she told him I fancied him and he said he had a dog called Tess. Today she got a message off Andy saying that Stu is bisexual with a girlfriend. Bloody typical!! Sod him then!

I’ve been sending messages to ?Mark for Sarah today. He said he likes blondes but brunettes are sexier. Good! That’s what I like to hear! I also told him later on that I don’t fancy Stu, just to try and save any embarrassment.

Lizzie sent me a message before. She’s been talking to Damon and he said Leon’s got a new girlfriend. We don’t know her but she’s a friend of David’s. I’m not sure which David they mean though. There was still a slight him of jealousy there!

BYE!

It’s just bloody typical – 9th & 10th January 2000

Sunday 9th Andy’s broken it off with Hayley. She was in tears on the other end of the phone to me before saying how she didn’t understand. I feel really sorry for her actually. It’s just bloody typical, isn’t it?! Just as things seem to be going well, everything changes for worse. She said he wanted to meet in her village today but she was doing something else and couldn’t so he told her to just forget it and said that they weren’t really suited anyway.

I’m also pretty gutted cos this means that I probably won’t see Stu again. I really like him too. I was disappointed when I woke up this morning cos I dreamt I was actually going out with him!

Amir apparently didn’t say much on the text message subject at swimming today. So that’s another thing that’s ended, my contact with Amir.

My calling credit ran out completely on my phone today so I’ve got the bloody Vodafone woman nagging me to arrange a top up now.

BYE!

10th January I want driving lessons. The problem is that I can’t afford them myself and I feel guilty letting Mum and Dad pay because, even though they would, they can’t really afford it either.

I’m sick of everyone around me talking about lessons they’ve had or ones they will have and asking why, if I’m 17, am I not learning to drive. I’m having to pretend to my parents that I’m not fussed because if they thought I was then they’d feel guilty and pay which’d make me feel awful too. I don’t want that.

Hayley said that she’s going to tell Andy that I fancy Stu. I don’t want her to cos if I know he knows then it’ll be really awkward if I see him again. I’d rather just let stuff happen itself if it’s going to at all, rather than be pushed into it with all the awkwardness that comes along too.

I had a text conversation with Andy’s mate Mark (who will be known as ?Mark because I don’t know his full name and there are too many Marks about). It began with a message from him saying, “R U NOT TALKING 2 ME NOW? I ONLY KNEW U WERE AT LA BOWL WHEN ANDY TOLD ME ON THE WAY HOME – SORRY!”

I then had to explain that I wasn’t really bothered because it was Sarah who was interested not me and that I’d just helped her to write the messages. He started sending her messages then which is good because she’s happy now. He told her that Andy’s a bit geeky!

Hayley said that she spoke to Stu briefly last night. He answered Andy’s phone and said he’d get him to talk but he didn’t succeed. She also reckons he texted her saying nice stuff like she was a good kisser just to make her feel better. She doesn’t think it’s the kind of thing Andy’d say. She agrees with me that Stu’s sweet.

BYE!

 

What a waste of a fine, fine creature – 7th January 2000

Friday 7th Freda has been slagging off Lizzie now for going on and on about Gethin in front of Sarah because it’s common knowledge that Sarah fancies him. I suppose it is a bit unfair.

The other day, Sarah started sending messages to Hayley’s Andy’s mate. Her batteries ran out yesterday so I said I’d send them from my phone because she wasn’t sure what to say either as he’s a bit pervy. The first message she sent to him was, “Roses r red, apples r green, I’ll open my legs + u can fill me with cream!” [Ew! Sarah!!] It’s dirty but so’s he. It was from a message sent to Lizzie from one of her swimmer mates yesterday. We thought it was quite good so she used it!

He replied saying something about, “Are you good?” and “Your place or mine?” So she sent another saying, “Oh believe me I am! How about somewhere in between? Roses r red, my pants r blue, I’ll take them off + let u get through!” (Sorry, I usually write out text message stuff in capitals. I forgot. I’ll do the rest how I usually do. Just thought I’d say so to save any confusion as to why I’ve changed back to capital letters.) The poem sent in that message was my creation. I was quite proud!

He sent a message back to us which h said, “FANCY YOURSELF AS A BIT OF A POET DO U? HOW OLD R U? WHAT DO U LOOK LIKE? HAVE U GOT BIG….. WHAT R URE VITAL STATS? WHAT DO U TASTE LIKE? IF U KNOW WHAT I MEAN.”

She sent another back with more poetry saying, “DO U NOT THINK I’M A GOOD POET? HERE’S ANOTHER ONE: ROSES R RED, HOMER IS YELLOW, U SOUND LIKE A SHAGGABLE FELLOW! HOW LONG IS URE…..?” (That’s Homer as in Homer Simpson.)

His reply was, “I HAVEN’T EXACTLY MEASURED IT B4 BUT I’VE NEVER HAD ANY COMPLAINTS – IN FACT ONLY COMPLIMENTS! I GUESS U’LL HAVE 2 CUM + C 4 YOURSELF!”

The next message we got from him was, “HELLO SWEETIE, HOW YA DOING? IS YOUR MATE GOING 2 HAVE ANDY?!” We sent one to him asking if he was going bowling tonight but he didn’t answer so we sent, “HEY BABE! R U GONNA ANSWER ME OR NOT? HERE COMES SOME MORE OF MY STUNNING POETRY: ROSES R RED, MY COAT IS BLACK, I WANT U TO HAVE ME FLAT ON MY BACK!” Isn’t it good?! [We clearly didn’t have enough college work at this point in time.]

He replied, “HELLO BITCH WHAT R U DOING? I’M OUT OF THAT SHITHOLE NOW. GOING 2 SLEEP COS I’M KNACKERED!!” We replied, “CHILL!! I’VE BEEN AT COLLEGE SO I SWITCHED MY PHONE OFF. WHAT’S UP WITH U? I DIDN’T REALISE U WERE AT WORK B4. SORRY. X”

He said, “WHAT COLLEGE R U AT? OH BY THE WAY I THINK WE R GOING LA BOWL 2NIGHT. NOT GOING TOWN OR DRINKING COS I’VE GOT PISSING FLU.” I sent another asking his name. He said, “MARK. ANDY’S GOT TOSILITOUS – IF THAT’S HOW U SPELL IT – + I’VE GOT FLU, MAYBE ANOTHER TIME EH – IF YOUR LUCKY!”

I’m just including these in here for future reference so I can delete them from my phone.

I went bowling tonight with Hayley, Rachael and Georgia. Everyone else went to the cinema but you can’t hang about and talk there which is why I didn’t go. 4 blokes (3 aged 21 and 1 aged 23) were on the lane next to us. Rach and I thought they were horrible and creepy but the other 2 didn’t. We went on the dodgems with them and then in the bar.

Rach and I kept our distance and so did Hayley when they got more pissed. She says she saw them passing packets to each other and they kept disappearing to the toilets and stuff. I think they were doing drugs so we went home.

Georgia snogged 2 of them before we left though. One of them was really red coz he’s been on a sunbed and said he had a white bum though. He bloody well showed us! I was glad to be rid of them. They kept saying I looked intelligent!

There were loads of fit lads there too. One of which was constantly staring at me. This time I don’t just think he was, he actually WAS staring at me! Even when I looked back he didn’t look away. As soon as he came in our direction though, the bloody taxi came!

I’ve just been informed Jacqueline’s going out with Danny Barnes. NOOOO! What a waste of a ‘fine, fine creature’ as Lizzie’d put it! BUGGER!

BYE!

I still kind of want his attention – 5th January 2000

Wednesday 5th For the first day back at college after Xmas, it wasn’t actually too bad! I didn’t really see Adrian for a start, although I’ve got to face him in double Geography 1st thing tomorrow morning.

I saw Trotter from a distance and he’s got a new white coat (probably what he bought in the JD Sports sale yesterday!) which makes him look like a snowman. That’s not good.

Didn’t see much of Ollie but Charlie grinned at me.

I found out that Emma spent most of the night with Nathan at Gavin’s on New Year’s Eve. I’m not too bothered though.

Mr P noticed I’d had my hair cut and said it made me look more sophisticated. I think that was a compliment! Unusual for him!

CYMERA_20170625_200438

[Looking totes sophis that year with my shorter hair and Bacardi Breezer in hand.]

Floyd Miller fancies Karen Brent but she’s going out with Russ on Saturday to the cinema.

I was getting on quite well with Hayley today. She actually wasn’t annoying me! Also, on the phone tonight, she apologised for repeatedly not speaking to me and stuff and admitted it was because she was jealous of my friendship with Lizzie. It surprised me that she admitted it and I thought it was quite brave of her to do so. She said she was just feeling a bit left out. I think Andy’s doing her some good!

I found out that Danny Barnes’s middle name is Campbell! Ha ha!! It was on the General Studies group list on the notice board.

I was on the phone to Lizzie after school and we mentioned Amir. We’ve been ringing his mobile all day to see if he had it switched on so we’d know if he’d got his message so I decided to try it again on my mobile. I was talking away to Lizzie and I didn’t realise it’d rung until I heard a lad say, “Hello?”

I got a message from Lizzie before when she got back from swimming saying, “HA HA HA! AMIR GOT SARAH’S MESSAGE + HE WAS SAYING HE WANTS 2 KNOW WHO SENT IT. IT WAS SO FUNNY. I HAD 2 TRY SO HARD NOT 2 LAUGH + I DIDN’T.” I was the one who sent it but it was from Sarah’s phone because Leon’s got my number so Amir could’ve found out.

I feel really shady now. In a way, I want her to say that it was me. I’m not sure why though. I don’t fancy him but I still kind of want his attention. [Liar. I did fancy him.] He’s the only lad in her swimming lot who’s a possibility if I get bored, I suppose!

BYE!