Suzanna the Slapper’s going to snog him – 6th July 1998

Monday 6th I fell out with Ralph over the phone yesterday. I’d been helping with Emma’s sister’s swimming party (I can open my eyes under water now) and when we got back, Emma and I were bored so we rang Ralph.

It started off ok but then, as usual when I start a conversation with Ralph, he started getting all deep and meaningful on me. He kept saying that I was self-centred and that I was always cold with him. That’s not true at all. Ok, I admit to being awkward but that was only coz I was embarrassed. He’s just far too sensitive and takes everything I say the wrong way. Sometimes when I do say something nice, he thinks it has some sort of double-meaning or that I’m just being sarcastic.

I don’t want to be really nice though coz it’d just encourage him and then he’d probably ask questions again and I’d get embarrassed and he’d end up getting disappointed.

Now Suzanna the Slapper’s going to snog him on Saturday so he’ll forget all about me and I’ll end up regretting it coz I’ve got no chance with anyone else (meaning Ferny).

I had my 1st day of work experience today at Longford Primary School. It was quite good but tiring. I mostly listened to kids read and did group work with them. Some are really sweet. I don’t particularly like Miss C though (the teacher I was with) coz she was really miserable, never smiled and was strict with the kids.

She always had summit for me to do though which was good and she explained stuff clearly enough to me. She had them calling me Miss Simpson though which I didn’t really like. I just wanted to tell them to call me Tess but I was scared of what she’d say.

I’m glad Bella Jameson’s there too coz it’s someone to talk to and we can go to her house at lunch. We’re with the artist tomorrow so that should be different.


Suzanna the Slapper – 3rd & 4th July 1998

Friday 3rd We had today off school coz it’s an inset day so Rachael came to my house. We were phoning everyone to try and get them to come down to the village but we decided not to bother in the end coz it wasn’t fair on Emma coz she’d gone shopping.

We rang Freddie and had a short conversation with him and we also rang Ralph. I was on for quite a while to him. I apologised again for last night and he said he wanted to ask me something but he wouldn’t tell me over the phone. I told him I still liked him and that I wouldn’t never go out with him. That didn’t seem to help matters and he said he was just getting depressed again.

Later on we phoned Graham Baxter. Rach really wanted someone else to do it coz she fancies him and was embarrassed but I wouldn’t. She ended up asking him if he wanted to come to the cinema next Friday and he said he would. She was dead pleased after and so was I coz she was. I wanna get Ferny to come now but I bet he’ll be at cadets and it wouldn’t be fair on Ralph.

We had another Prom concert in school tonight and Emma told me that Ralph’s question was, “Is there much point in me liking you anymore?” What am I supposed to say to that, hey? I’ll have to say something like, “It’s up to you but I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t” as Emma suggested. He might not even ask.

He wants to go somewhere tomorrow but Rach is away so it’d be just us 4. I hate it like that coz Emma and Freddie go off (even when she says she won’t) and I have no choice but to talk to Ralph. That’s why I prefer it in a larger group with all of us so I have a selection of people to speak to.

Then Ralph and Freddie usually get pissed and Emma just goes along with it (and doesn’t think so she does something she regrets later). I’m the only one who doesn’t want to so I end up making crap excuses why I won’t drink anything. But then if I don’t go, Emma’d probably get Suzanna the Slapper down and Ralph’d go with her. Actually, that might stop him being miserable but I don’t want anyone else to have him. Selfish, I know!


P.S. Tim Henman didn’t get through the semi final at Wimbledon today. Oh well, I’m still getting over the football.

Saturday 4th I’m bored now. Emma, Ralph and Freddie have all gone somewhere together and I didn’t want to. They did ask me but I wouldn’t come. I usually regret going places when it’s just us 4 for the same reasons as I said yesterday so I didn’t bother.

Hopefully Emma will phone me this evening when they’ve gone so she can fill me in on what’s happened. I’m prepared for Ralph not liking me anymore coz that’s what I’m expecting. It might uncomplicated things a bit more coz then I can like Ferny without feeling guilty about it, even though I’ve got no chance.

I’ll probably write again later when I know more.

Bye for now!

I ended up phoning Emma in the end coz Mum and Dad took the dog for a walk. She said they just ended up getting the bus to Warrington but they were back by 4:00pm. I don’t think I missed much.

I was thinking before, well, daydreaming really and I was thinking about how jealous I would be if Suzanna the Slapper did come down and went with Ralph. Then I thought, well I might as well just go out with him before she comes next weekend but then I remember how sick he makes me feel sometimes. As usual, I’m just gonna see what happens.

I was reading through an old diary before and I discovered I missed out a vital part. I never wrote down about the lunch time when Ferny and I were getting along very nicely. We were in a snow fight and he and I kept stuffing snow down each other’s backs and he got me last. I remember skiing down with my group and he was stood with his group and as we passed each other, we both glared and smiled at each other. I never did get him back for that.

He was so lovely in Austria and we got on dead well but then Hayley went and asked him out when we got back to school and he forgot all about me I think.

He’ll think I’m Ralph’s “bird” – 2nd July 1998

Thursday 2nd Tonight, me Rach, Emma, Ralph and Freddie all met up in the village. We somehow ended up in the nature reserve. We were just messing about and sitting in trees and stuff.

It was going alright until Ralph first asked Emma if I still like him. She never answered him so when Rach, Emma and Freddie all sped up, he dropped back with me. The conversation went summit like this:- (more or less)

(T = me and R = Ralph)

R: Tess, why do you keep dropping back or speeding up every time I walk with you?
T: I don’t.
R: You do. Look, you’re doing it now.
T: Yeah well, I wanna catch up with them. I must be doing it subconsciously otherwise.
R: Do you like Ferny again?
T: Er… why?
R: Coz Emma says you do. Do you?
T: Er… well… no… yeah… I dunno, sort of. [All the answers. No wonder Ralph was confused.]
R: You never have a proper conversation with me.
T: I do.
R: When? Gimme and example.
T: I can’t think of one.
R: I know I’m putting you on the spot but I’m confused. Just give me a straight answer.
T: Can’t you just go off me?
R: I can’t and every time I like you, you like Ferny again.
T: So…?
R: Give me a straight answer.
T: To what? [BLOODY ANYTHING! Jesus, what was wrong with me?!]
R: Doesn’t matter.
T: Can’t you just leave it?
R: Fine. I will.

After that he just walked off and caught up with the rest of them and Rach walked with me. I’ll have to get Emma’s side of it at some point.

We just went back to Rachael’s for a bit and then on the walk back to Emma’s my mum saw us 4 walking. I apologised to Ralph before getting in the car and told him it was just coz I don’t like being put on the spot. I don’t think it did much good.

The answers that I should’ve given and what I should have explained just didn’t come out as they should have and I have a big wave of guilt over me now.

  • The reason why I kept moving when he came near me was that I knew he’d probably do that and put me on the spot so I just tried to avoid being left alone with him.
  • I do still like Ferny a lot but I also like Ralph. I just didn’t want to tell him straight that I like Ferny coz I know how disappointed he would have felt. He would also have thought that I didn’t like him as well but I do.
  • He’s also right about me never having a proper conversation with him. I try not to just in case it gets too deep and then I know where it’ll lead – putting me on the spot.
  • I can’t give him a straight answer either. I can to whether I like him or not coz I know I do but if he was going to ask me out then I couldn’t.

The thing is that if I do anything with Ralph or go out with him then it ruins any chance I could possibly have had with Ferny coz he’ll think I’m Ralph’s “bird” and won’t like me back coz it’d be unfair on Ralph.

The other thing is that if I don’t go with [snog] Ralph then I may never get another chance coz he really will get sick of me and he’s the 1st lad who I’ve sort of liked who’s liked me back. Except sometimes he makes me feel really sick but other times he doesn’t. I’m confusing myself, never mind just him!

Another thing is that if I do go with Ralph but I don’t want to go out with him then that could make matters worse by upsetting him and confusing him more. On the other hand it could end it all and keep him happy.

Oh, I dunno.


Ralph got out some spirits and a bottle of wine – 1st July 1998

Wednesday 1st Not in a good mood about the football. Bloody Argentina. Mind you, I thought England did quite well considering they were down 10 men coz Beckham got himself sent off. Most of the nation hates him now and reckon he should lose his place on the England squad. I bet he got a good bollocking from Glen Hoddle.

David Beckham 1998

[I didn’t hate him. I loved him so much that I drew him.]

I went to watch it all at Ralph’s house with him, Emma and Freddie. We started off downstairs coz his mum and brothers were in bed. Ralph got out some spirits and a bottle of wine. I didn’t have any except for a sip of this mingin’ stuff which tasted like marzipan, just so I’d know what it tasted like in case they spiked my drink.

They did. I didn’t drink it, I’m not stupid. I would’ve ended up doing summit I regretted.

Ralph kept leaning on me and I kept telling him to geroff. He also did the hair bobble thing again and kept telling me it looked sexy down.

With chewing gum wrappers, you get the pictures on the back and some people make you pick one when they’ve been torn apart and say they all have meanings. [Cue my instructional diagrams.] They’re:

Well, Ralph was trying to fix it so they would all be lips but I just picked any.

Then we all went into Ralph’s room. Emma and Freddie went off and left us and Ralph said, “Tess, can I ask you something?” When I asked him what, he said, “Nah, it doesn’t matter, you’d only say no.” I managed to convince him to go downstairs and there was pretty much silence.

Ralph later started speaking to me again and discovered I had my Kappa pants on. He asked me how far up the poppers went but didn’t actually do anything. Then England went and lost and Ralph got all upset. He leaned on me again and I let him. Then Emma’s mum came.

I’m so gutted about England losing. It’ll depress me if I write about it so I won’t.

Today I got the morning off for an orchestra rehearsal for the concert tonight. Then I had P.E. and then Sports Day in the afternoon (yeah, that makes sense. NOT!) In P.E. we just helped set up and Rach and I lay on the crash mats with the gorgeous Mr P-K (who just happens to be called Ralph) and talked about waterskiing and Mr S being a freak!

At lunch, I caught Ralph looking at my legs and nudging Ferny. I didn’t say anything, I just left it.

← We were all given one of these, a different colour for a different team. Most of us were all on separate teams so there was quite a bit of rivalry. There was:-

Wimbledon – Yellow – Ferny and Rach
Headingley – Blue – Me and Freddie
Ascot – Red – Emma, Hayley, Georgia, Olivia, Ralph, Graham and Dougie
Twickenham – Green – No-one I know

To start with, we all went over to watch Ferny doing the long jump. He’d already done the 800m and came 3rd out of 3. I dunno what he came in this but he had his red knee support on so he probably didn’t do as well as he could have.

Then we all wandered over to embarrass Emma who was doing the javelin. She couldn’t and they were all putting her off. I was stood with Ferny coz everyone else had sat down. He was being quite nice to me again. I like him again now.

Then they all came over to watch me, Rach and Georgia doing the triple jump. I mucked up my 1st go badly and Ferny said, “Tess, do you wanna wear my support?” He knows I’ve hurt my knee and I thought it was dead nice of him to offer his. I said I was alright though. [I’m shocked I didn’t snatch it off him and that I’m not now having to take a photo of said knee support glued into my diary.]

Later we were all just stood by the track. I was taking the piss out of people like Emma and Ferny was agreeing with me. He kept coming and standing next to me too. Hayley (who also fancies him now) had his jacket on. He was obviously freezing but he didn’t ask for it back. Damn! I also sat next to him at the end and watched my team being announced as last.

Ralph was still after my bobble and I got annoyed with him when he kept hitting my legs with things. He’s probably in a mood with me now and I’ve got no chance with Ferny.


P.S. Ferny doesn’t drink alcohol. Sensible lad.

P.P.S. Ralph and Emma phoned me before. Didn’t say much. He wanted to know if we could go into the village. We had a concert on at school.

I’ve just remembered that Ferny nearly gave me a piggy-back. I was jumping about, trying to see over the crowds and I told him I couldn’t see. He asked me if I was as heavy as Jade Hancock who had previously nearly broken his back. The conversation stopped for some reason. I think, oh yeah, Ralph fell off a chair he was standing on.

Anyway, Ralph told Emma before they rang me that if I haven’t gone with [snogged] him within the next two weeks then he’d give up. She also told me that he’d said he started liking me again since he saw how sexy I looked with my hair down! Ha ha, that’s a good one!

I also went for an interview at Longford Primary after school. It seems nice enough.

Emma said he’d have to get me really pissed – 29th & 30th June 1998

Monday 29th I love this pen so much. I bought it from Paperchase yesterday. It just writes so nicely. For future reference, it’s an Edding 2182 Crystalliner.

Anyway, I’ve not had such a bad day considering it’s a Monday. Although, I don’t know what I want Ralph-wise. When I think he doesn’t like me, I really regret not going out with him and I think of all his advantages but when I think he does like me then I really don’t want him to ask me out and I think of all his disadvantages. I’m a very confused girl at the moment.

Emma was telling me this morning that Ralph and Freddie rang her last night and she was telling me that Ralph would have gone with [snogged] me on Friday night but I got up and went to the toilet. Ralph was also making her go through a list of people he could possibly fancy and she said he could just stick to me.

Today he was being quite nice again. Not as nice as when he actually fancied me (oh yeah, he said that why should he like me after what I did to him and Freddie said that he didn’t like me much anymore but he would if I’d have gone with him at the Sports Club) but nicer than when he was being normal. I don’t understand him.

He was there after school with Ferny by the bike stands. We went over to find out what time he wants us to go to watch England v Argentina tomorrow at his house. Whilst Emma was talking to him, Ferny and I started up a bit of a conversation about how big-headed Freddie is coz he thinks loads of girls fancy him. To make matters worse, Gina Black asked Freddie out again today and there’s now a rumour going round that Emma’s going to twat Gina (yeah right, she’s too soft!) so we were talking about that too.

As I was talking to Ferny, Emma and Ralph started going off so I went to catch up with them. Ferny’s bike was knackered so I think he got a lift so Ralph stayed with us two for a bit. We went and sat on the bench outside school on the main road and talked about stuff.

Ralph started going on about how my hair looked really nice down and he kept trying to persuade me to go and watch the footy at his house tomorrow. He also kept muttering things about me having no emotions and also said about how Emma said he’d have to get me really pissed to get anywhere with me. Cheers Emma! He also kept saying that he didn’t want us to go on holiday over the summer hols coz he’d be left on his own.

When it was time for our flute lesson, he wouldn’t let us past by blocking the path with his bike. Emma got past and eventually I did too. He rode off then turned round and came back and wanted to come in and listen. No way was I going to let him do that so I walked off and left him with Emma. She told me later that he asked her why I was being so horrible to him if I still liked him. She told him that I wasn’t and I was always like that (charming!) and that I’d probably say yes if he asked me out again.

Oh heck!


Tuesday 30th Yet again, SHIT! That’s it. I’m in a severely depressed state so I’ll give the full story another time but basically:-

Penalties: England – 3, Argentina – 4


Ralph realised I had poppers up the side of my Kappa pants – 24th & 27th June 1998

Wednesday 24th It was meant to be Sports Day in school today but it rained so it’s meant to be next Wednesday instead. I’m doing the triple jump now. I wasn’t doing anything until this morning but Rach put my name down in P.E. Oh well, she’s doing it too and so’s Hayley, Georgia, Tanya Potter and a few others I know.

Ralph told Emma today that he had a reason for not liking me and that was because I was so horrible to him. I know I was though and I bloody well regret it now but I was confused and I didn’t know what I wanted to do.

I’m really worried that Emma’s mate Suzanna will end up meeting Ralph and end up going with [snogging] him. She’s seen a photo and reckons he’s a minger but she’s fallen out with her 12 year old boyfriend and Ralph’s desperate so who knows what could happen. See the problem? I want him though.


Saturday 27th I’m knackered. I slept over at Emma’s with Rach too and I haven’t had much sleep. I am also quite happy about 2 things.

  1. Ralph might like me again.
  2. ENGLAND – 2, COLOMBIA – 0

You see, Jen and Emma and I had arranged to meet up with Hayley and Lindsey Bullman in the Sports Club to watch with match. We also managed to persuade Ralph to come too but Hayley didn’t know so when we arrived she wasn’t at all pleased and said she wouldn’t sign Ralph in.

She eventually got her dad to do it but still wasn’t pleased about it and kept calling him a loser and said he had to cycle home at half time. She was making such a scene. Ralph found some of Freddie’s brother’s mates who he knows and sat with them for a bit.

Then, to make matters worse, Johnny Doherty came in. I’d told Ralph that Johnny didn’t go in there coz Ralph wouldn’t have come if he thought he did coz he hates his fellow ginger.

Eventually, Ralph came back over as the match started. Hayley was being really snidey and I think he felt uncomfortable with her. This made me and Emma feel really guilty for getting him to come coz we could see he’d rather be just about anywhere else. I felt so sorry for him.

After England scored their first goal from Anderton, Hayley apologised to Ralph. That was good coz he started to relax a bit more after that. Beckham scored England’s 2nd so they were comfortably in the lead.

I started to relax a bit and I wasn’t permanently glued to the screen. I took my hair down for a second so I could tie it back again and Ralph decided to nick my bobble coz he thought it looked really nice down. He kept telling me and wouldn’t give it back so I couldn’t tie it up again. I just went along with it all and tried to get it back off him. He had it really tightly in his hand to I had to hold his other and try and force him to let go.

At one point, I smacked my elbow on the wooden bit behind the seat and I had pins and needles all down my arm for ages. He gave it back until I had the feeling back in my arm then took the bobble off me again. I did get it back eventually.

Ralph realised I had poppers up the side of my Kappa pants and he started undoing them. [Urgh. Did anyone else have these in the 90s? I believe Adidas had their own version too.] Just as I was putting one leg back, he undid the other. I couldn’t stop smiling so when I told him to stop, he didn’t take me seriously. So, stupid me called him a knob. It got him off but he sulked for a few minutes. Not for long though.

When the match finished he went and sat with those lads again for a bit and they were all staring at me for some reason.

There were a couple of times when me and Ralph got really close. Once was after I got my hair bobble back and we both leaned back at the same time. We were sat right next to each other and he was leaning in my direction. I looked at him and he looked at me then something happened in the footy and I sat forward to see the TV and he turned to look at it. I really thought I could’ve gone with [snogged] him at that point.

At the end of the match too he moved right up next to me, crushing me between him and Emma. I was desperate for the bog so I got up. If I’d have stayed then that could’ve been a good opportunity. (But I would also have wet myself if I hadn’t gone!)

Emma and Rachael told me later that they thought I was going with him at one point.

I got to sleep at about 4:00 this morning and woke up at about 9:00. We just went on the computer. We then phoned Freddie and Ralph but there was no answer from Ralph’s house so we thought he might have been murdered or summit.

We rang again later and he was home. He told Emma she had to take my hair down coz it looked nice so she did. I tied it back again. He was at home making cakes and looking after his twin brothers. He’s so sweet with them. He’ll make someone a good husband one day. Hmmm, nah, I shouldn’t be thinking that. Too young!


P.S. Mum went to pick up my prescription from the chemist today. I’ve just been reading through the leaflet that always comes with them and it’s just started to worry me. Am I going to be on medication all my life? I can’t see the problem completely clearing up even though the doctors have said it will eventually on it’s own. How long is that though? I shouldn’t have to keep taking tablets forever. It’s not fair.

I hate having the avoid the questions as to what they’re for every time Emma asks and now she’s got it into her head that it’s some really embarrassing problem. Why should I tell her?

Emma phoned a slapperish mate of hers – 20th-23rd June 1998

Saturday 20th I went into town with Emma this morning and I got the Space album Tin Planet and Vindaloo.

[I knew I’d need them one day. I’m going to claim they were carefully archived for educational purposes. Consider this a history lesson.]

Ralph and Freddie came to her house later but I only walked to the end of her lane with them coz Mum booked us a meal tonight. Ralph was just being normal.

The meal was at some French restaurant in Lymm. It was nice but I got too hot and bored when Mum and Dad took ages drinking coffee at the end. I was really bothered about missing summit at Emma’s and I really wanted to ring her to see if I had.

Mum is really annoyed with me and Abby now coz we were being annoying tonight. Sorry Mum!

I did ring Emma and as I thought, she was pissed. We’d seen Ralph and Freddie on their bikes on the way home so I knew they’d gone. She told me she couldn’t really remember much but Ralph did keep saying he wanted me there and he tried to ring me at about 7:00 but Emma put the phone down for him after a couple of rings. We weren’t home anyway. He was going to get me to go back to Emma’s.

He also kept saying he really wanted to go with [snog] someone so Emma phoned a slapperish mate of hers, Suzanna. She didn’t turn up which I’m glad about. I don’t want anyone else to have Ralph. He’s mine… well… maybe one day.


Monday 22nd SHIT! That one word sums up the whole of this evening and how I’m feeling right now. I can’t be arsed explaining now coz it’ll get me so wound up. I’ll have you a clue:-

England – 1, Romania – 2


Tuesday 23rd Sorry for that little outburst yesterday but I had a reason. So did the rest of England. Bloody Romania! I watched it in the Sports Club with Hayley. We were the only girls in there. It was so bloody disappointing when we went 2-1 down after equalising like that.

I tell you, Glen Hoddle should’ve had Beckham and Owen from the start to speed up the tempo from the early stages. [Eesh. Where was I getting this shite from?!] I don’t want to go into any details about the chance Sheringham had with the ball by his feet, a couple of yards from an open goal coz it’s too depressing. They have to beat Colombia or they’re coming home.

Scotland have come home too soon. They’re out after tonight’s 3-0 defeat to Morocca. That’s really upset me too. Bugger! They did well up until now.

Ralph wants me, Emma and Freddie to go to a barbeque at his house on Sunday. We’ll see.

I was shocked he’d even spoken to me without a gun to his head – 19th June 1998

Friday 19th Dad’s birthday

I’ve gone back into a state of confusion over this Ralph thing now. [FFS.] At first I knew he liked me, then I wasn’t sure, then I knew he didn’t like me and now I’m not sure again.

For most of today, I thought he still hated me coz he had plenty of opportunities to speak to me but didn’t. But then after school that changed. I was on my way to orchestra and Ralph was sat on his bike in his P.E. kit. If he hadn’t have said anything I was going to ask if he’d seen Emma, just to see how he’d react to me speaking to him.

Just as I was going to have to do the talking, he came out with, “Tess, are you doing anything tonight?” I was shocked he’d even spoken to me without a gun to his head, never mind what he’d just asked me! I just said no and he said, “Well, do you wanna do something like go into the village?” I said, “Yeah, okay.” Still in super shock, I started to walk off and then he said, “I’ll phone you later.” I couldn’t stop smiling.

I was happy all evening until me and Emma decided to phone Freddie. What Ralph said to me got brought up into the conversation. Emma didn’t believe me really coz she thought he hated me too and Freddie decided to look on the negative side. He started telling me how surprised he was coz every time he’s mentioned my name the week, Ralph’s come out with loads of things to slag me off. Or so Freddie says and I think I believe him actually.

I don’t understand. Freddie’s like Ralph’s best mate and he thinks that Ralph hates me now but surely he would have just ignored me again if he disliked me that much. I didn’t even have to say anything to him first for him to speak. See why I’m confused?

Now I’m starting to think I imagined it all but Cat Elliot heard the phone bit and Poppy Kaye heard it all, I think. I’ll check it was real with them on Monday.

It was just unexpected after a week of ignoring me. Maybe he was the one testing to see how I’d react. It’s just if he’s been slagging me off as much as Freddie reckons then why would he care?

Urgh, I dunno what to think now. I s’pose, as usual, I’ll have to wait and see what happens.

He hasn’t actually phoned me and it’s a bit late now. Freddie did try to do a 4-way call but he was out. I wonder if he’d have rung me if he was at home. Never mind.

Well, that’s been the highlight of my day really.


All she seems to talk about is her hair – 18th June 1998

Thursday 18th I’ve been feeling a bit left out of everything for the last couple of days. It might just be me being sensitive bit it feels as if nobody really cares I’m there.

– Emma’s too busy with Freddie all the time and all she seems to talk about is her hair and how many spots she has today.

– Hayley would rather I wasn’t here at all coz she’s decided she wants a boyfriend so has started fancying Ferny again and, of course, I’m competition aren’t I?

– Ralph just doesn’t give a toss about me anymore which is a big difference from the beginning of last week.

– Rachael went to Emma’s house last night and they phoned Freddie and evidently they were talking about me. I dunno what was said though.

– Ed seems to think I’ve been telling Dougie (James Douglas) things about him when I haven’t said a word. I dunno what’s going on.

I also get the feeling that nobody’s telling me anything anymore and I’m always the last to know about things and nobody bothers to tell me any changes. It’s like this thing with Ralph and Emma organising going to Manchester. It was only by chance I found out that he and Freddie are coming down to Emma’s village instead. I just happened to ask what was going on at the end of school and Emma told me. I wonder if anyone would have bothered to fill me in otherwise.

I’ve not been happy at all since Wednesday really. It’s awful. I hate letting things get on top of me but they have.

All I want to sort out is this thing with Ralph and for him to ask me out again, get a work experience place sorted and for everything to get back to how it was before. I can’t see that happening somehow.



What I want to know is what sort of tut it was – 16th & 17th June 1998

Tuesday 16th Ralph’s still ignoring me but says he isn’t, he’s just being normal. He also says I’m a bitch coz I messed him about so much. I know and I can’t blame him for saying that and I really wish I hadn’t messed him about now. I’m going to tell him that if I ever get the chance and he’ll listen to me.

He’s never going to go out with me now, I may as well face it, but I want to at least get him speaking to me again.

He said he doesn’t like me and doesn’t fancy anyone else at the moment.

Scotland drew 1-1- with Norway today. Good but not good enough. I’m off to watch Fantasy Football now.

Wednesday 17th Guess what. Ralph still doesn’t like me (and probably never will again) but he knows I exist again. He actually answered my question when I asked him what he’d done with my bag. I knew perfectly well he’d thrown them all in the store cupboard in hope that one of us went in to get them so he and his mates could shut us in. I just asked to test his reaction. Normal. He just very basically told me where they were.

Emma had her Food Tech lesson with Lena and Ralph today. She told me that Ralph had decided he wanted to go somewhere this weekend (he must have money) and he suggested swimming. Emma flatly refused coz she doesn’t want to be seen in her cossie. Someone suggested Manchester and that was agreed.

Emma told Ralph that I’d want to come (I’m not so sure if I do if it’s gonna be a repeat of Friday night) and I can’t remember how she said he reacted. It must have been badly coz it made Lena say, “You still like her, I can tell.” He just tutted.

What I want to know is what sort of tut it was. Was it a for-God’s-sake-how-many-times-do-I-have-to-say-I-don’t-bloody-well-like-her sort of tut or was it a yeah-you’re-right-I-do-still-like-her sort of tut? I hope it was the second one. [This is the best teenage diary over-analysis that I’ve seen for a while.]

We had the high jump in P.E. today. It was so funny. Jeremy Greenhalgh (Jez) came to his turn and ran up, crashed into the bar, rolled over in the air, slid across the mats on his stomach and got his head stuck between 2 crash mats. It was like summit out of a cartoon with his head gone and the rest of him thrashing about trying to get it free. When he did, he lay flat and the rest of him went between the mats. You had to be there really but it wasn’t half funny!

The other funny thing is that Emma is turning into a bloke. She’s growing a beard! Well, there was one long, curly hair that I noticed on her chin in Science. I thought it was just a piece of dust but when I told her and she tried to get rid of it, she discovered it was rooted there. Urgh, poor Freddie! She always says she’d hate having a boyfriend with a beard. Well now Freddie’s got a girlfriend with one!