I’LL ALWAYS B WAITING 4 U – 3rd & 4th November 2001

Saturday 3rd  Ben was texting me all day today saying he’ll let me know how Kevin is and stuff. Kevin rang me pretty early on and said that he’ll wait and see if I change my mind but won’t mither me. He also sent a nice message saying, “I COULDN’T SAY THIS IN THE PHONE BUT LIKE U SAID, IT’S EASIER TO SAY IT IN A TEXT MESSAGE. MY FEELINGS FOR U WON’T CHANGE SO I’LL ALWAYS B WAITING 4 U WHEN UR READY. X” Aww! I feel sooo guilty now but then it wasn’t fair to carry on seeing him either, I suppose.

Abby and I went up to the Arbar for about 5 minutes but left so quickly cos it was crap. I don’t know where everyone was. Actually, they were probably either at home or recovering from last night. I saw Kevin briefly too. He was on his way home as I was arriving and didn’t say much.


Sunday 4th  Abby went home this afternoon and I spent the rest of the day panicking about work and being thick. Ok, so I’m not totally thick but I don’t half feel it sometimes. I’ve got so much work too, all of which needs to be done on computer which I haven’t got and all the ones at uni are being used by other panicky people.

I went to the Arbar again tonight with Marc, Lewis and Marc’s posse. Kevin was there on his own and came and sat with us. He was really quiet though and I felt really sorry for him. If it was a deliberate attempt to make me feel awful, it worked very well!

Vicky did karaoke there too which was quite funny. It’s not that she can’t sing, it was just cos I would’ve have expected her to do it.


I tried to dump Kevin again – 1st & 2nd November 2001

Thursday 1st  Yey! It’s my birthday in 12 days’ time!! 🙂 I had a bit of a boring day really. I stayed in tonight too. Kevin said he really likes my name.


Friday 2nd  Ben and Rick spent all day asking about Abby and when she was arriving just to wind me up and it was beginning to work too.

Abby got here at about 6pm and unloaded all her stuff onto my already messy bedroom floor. I’d arranged to meet the lads and people at the Arbar at 7:30pm so we went up there at about 8, just to make sure we wouldn’t look like complete losers!

Marc and Violet came too so we sat with them and Marc’s posse in one of the pool rooms. Abby beat Marc at pool, we drank a pint of diesel each (after adding my own Ribena), met up with Ben, Rick, Kevin and Archie, and then headed for Milton Hall. We didn’t stay there long cos it was a bit quiet but we won free shots with some scratch cards then left for Varsity.

We were all a bit pissed by then but drank loads of shots of something apple flavoured anyway. I tried to dump Kevin again by telling him I really wasn’t sure I wanted a boyfriend right now but, again, he managed to talk me round before I made it an official dumping. I tried to do it cos there were so may nice lads about (one of which Abby tried to drag into the toilets!) and I was wishing I was single so I could try and pull at least one. I’ve not really had as much chance to do it as most people my age after being stuck with Jake for so long. I reckon maybe that’s why I’m not appreciating having a boyfriend as much now. Before Jake I’d been single for ages so I was so glad to finally get a proper boyfriend.

After Varsity we all went to Warehouse. There was a group of knobhead lads in there saying they were kickboxers to me and Abby cos she mentioned it to one of them. One kneed me in the leg so they so obviously were. I very nearly lamped him but some of my mates were watching so I thought better of it.

We got the bus back after Warehouse. Violet and Marc and his posse were on the bus too. We’d lost them early and they’d managed to pick up a semi-conscious girl called Gail. She really wasn’t well! Someone on the bus threw a Chinese rib thing and it hit Abby on the head. She was far from pleased and started kicking off at the lads at the back who were laughing at her. I really thought she was going to injure someone but she just got off the bus and cried in the end.

She was okay again a few minutes later when we were walking back to my room. Instead of going to bed though, we decided to ring Kevin and go and find some derelict buildings in the woods. He brought Ben along too and wore his daft Guinness hat. We found a building so I held the torch with Abby while Ben and Kevin squeezed through a gap in the fence. Once they were through, we switched off the torch and ran. We could hear them scrambling to find the gap and they eventually did and caught up with us.

When we got back in my block, Abby, Ben and I sat on the stairs until about 5am just chatting about stuff. I really think I fancy Ben but I’m not sure why! He was telling us how he’s seeing some girl called Jodie but has just been dumped by his girlfriend after a year and a half (cos of the distance – he comes from Suffolk) so he doesn’t want a proper relationship just yet. However, Jodie does. I said I was in the same situation with Kevin and Ben advised me to dump him.

Ben told me that, during Freshers’ Week, he, Kevin and Rick were picking which girls they thought were nicest off our course. Rick said Sally but the other two said me. 🙂 Ben said it was between me and Sally but she’s just not his type.

When I finally got into my room, my head was all messed up and confused over what to do about Kevin. In the end, I dumped him via text message. I know it’s cruel but when I tried to tell him to his face, he talked me out of it. I said something along the lines of, “I know this isn’t the best way to do this but I really don’t want another relationship so soon after Jake. It’s really weird. If there’d been a few more months between you both then it’d be fine but that’s not the way it’s worked out. Sorry.”

I feel so awful now.


Bastards, mingers or no-one at all – 31st October 2001

Wednesday 31st  I tried to dump Kevin tonight but failed. When I got back from the Arbar I mentioned to him that I wasn’t sure it was a good idea being together when we’re on the same course. I chickened out of doing it though when he started being all nice and he managed to talk me round saying how he doesn’t intend on us splitting up but if we did, he wouldn’t make it a problem. I had quite a lot to drink tonight anyway so I wasn’t exactly in the best frame of mind when it came to making decisions like that.

I think I decided to do it cos various lad stuff happened or was said and I kind of felt like I was missing chances with other people cos I’m with Kevin. If I hadn’t been going out with Jake for a year and a half before I got here then I’d probably love having a proper boyfriend but I was quite enjoying being single for a bit. The thing is though, I’m worried that if I do break up with Kevin then I won’t get another chance with a nice lad and I’ll just end up with bastards, mingers or no-one at all.

Ugh! I don’t know what to do. The other problem tonight was that while I was with Kevin, my flatmates etc. were off having fun and I felt a bit left out cos I think they’re kind of forgetting about me cos they assume I’m always out with Kevin and stuff. I’ll just have to see what happens, I suppose.

Anyway, I still had a good night. It was a Halloween thing on the Arbar so there were loads of people dressed up.

[Kevin, Lewis, Violet, Marc, Claire, someone I didn’t really know and I with one pair of horns between us as a Halloween costume.]

I had a bottle of red nail varnish in my bag so I went round attacking various lads with it. I got so many of them! A lot refused to let me paint their nails at first but I managed to persuade most of them in the end.

The lad stuff that happened/was said was as follows:

  • Archie said Kevin’s “one lucky son of a bitch” to have me.
  • Kevin said he knows!
  • Kevin said Ben and Rick were decided in Freshers’ Week which girls were nicest off our course and Ben picked me. That’s why he was asking if Abby looked like me cos he hoped she would do.
  • When I’d finished painting Gavin’s (a chef [so he says] from Boothroyd Block C) nails, I turned round and saw him pulling a sad face to his mate when I stopped talking to him and left. However that could just have been cos he was sat on his own pretty much. It looked promising though.
  • Some bloke said to put lipstick on his mate as well as nail varnish. I didn’t understand at first until he explained he meant “snog him”. I didn’t.

I bet I sound really big headed now. I’m just not used to this, that’s all. I never really got noticed before except by the odd lad who was usually a bit strange. Then when I was with Jake, everyone know so nobody tried anything. It’s weird!


She’s “unnaturally loyal” – 30th October 2001

Tuesday 30th  I was on my way to a lecture with Archie this morning and we saw Bronwen. It got us onto the subject of her and Jake. Archie told me that she’s got a boyfriend and she’s “unnaturally loyal” to him. Like a dog perhaps. (Ok, that’s mean, I know!) He also said she’s very good looking but she’s a bit weird and simple and sticks post-its to everything possible.

Kevin really pissed me off in Maths today. I’m generally pissed off in Maths anyway cos I hate it but this time it was directed at him. He kept trying to help me cos he thought I was stuck (which I was) but instead of helping, he was making me feel completely stupid by keeping saying it was easy and stuff. Everyone around me could hear too. I just sulked a bit and went all quiet and then turned down a lift, stupidly, up to Storthes in his dad’s car. Not that I really wanted to meet his dad either though. I’m not ready for meeting parents. Mind you, I probably never will be. I hate that sort of thing.

I still can’t decide about Kevin. I just don’t know if I like him that much. He seems to like me more. He called me “gorgeous” again though. 🙂

Jake is staying in Huddersfield. He said he doesn’t want to leave cos he likes it here but I’m not sure what’s happening with his course.

I just stayed in with Kevin this evening and he informed me that Ben wants to pull my sister when she comes up this weekend. I told Kevin she was thinking about coming so he must’ve mentioned it to Ben. Ben apparently asked if she looked anything like me (as in that would be a good thing! 🙂 ) but even though Kevin said not on the photo I showed him, Ben still wants a go. Kevin said she was still quite nice. I think I’d better warn her before she arrives!


“I”, “love” and “you” in that order – 29th October 2001

Monday 29th I found out that Archie Butterworth (a mate off my course) lives in the same flat as Bronwen today. He said that some lad’s round there all the time and described him exactly like Jake, even down to the pink shirts.

I went to the Arbar with Marc and a few of his mates this evening. Kevin was watching some Blackburn match but came over and sat with us afterwards. He seemed really moody but then maybe it was just cos he was completely sober due to a lack of money. Archie also joined us. He didn’t drink before he came to uni so he was really pissed after 4 pints which was quite funny.

Gingery Chris was setting the inside of bottles and his hand on fire which was a bit weird but pretty cool. I’ve got to try it sometime. Not setting my hand on fire though. I’ll have to get hold of a lighter first too.

Storecard came over and sat with us at one point too. He smiled at me but that was it. I saw the girl Jake snogged as well. She was dancing like a right freak in scruffy jeans and stuff on a virtually empty dancefloor. Jake wasn’t there but his fit senior resident flatmate, Rich, was. Mmm!

Jen was in the bar at the same time as us too. She’d come to visit her room here at Storthes cos she’s moving in soon. She’s in Myers Court, Flat 6. I’m quite looking forward to her coming actually cos I only really know lads off my course here and she’s a laugh. They’ve stopped running the trains from where she lives at home to Huddersfield and she heard we all liked it here so she’s decided to join us.

Kevin came back to my room for a bit but, as usual, nothing happened. He said “I love you when you’re like this” (I went all sleepy) to me which made me panic slightly. He probably didn’t think about it but the fact the sentence contained the words “I”, “love” and “you” in that order kind of scared me a bit!


Kevin smells funny – 27th & 28th October 2001

Saturday 27th Kevin ended up sleeping in my bed with me last night but nothing whatsoever happened. I suppose it is quite nice that he’s not pressuring me into doing stuff but it’s not half frustrating sometimes!

I didn’t get much sleep but only because the level of comfort was pretty low. The little sleep I did get was interrupted by Kevin moving or telling me I was snoring or nicking the duvet. I’ve decided not to let him stay again so I had to refuse when he asked if he could stay again tonight. I was tempted to let him but I didn’t want to give in just in case he mithers me in future cos he thinks I’ll let him if he does.

Kevin also told me more about his previous girlfriends. The 1 month one dumped him cos she got back with her old boyfriend and the 6 month one lived in Suffolk so they split up cos of the distance, I think.


Sunday 28th Not much happened today. I went to Sainsbury’s with Kevin, he said I’d look cute with shorter hair, he went all cuddly when we were in my room, and he called me “gorgeous” again.

This is going to sound really immature but Kevin smells funny. I think it’s his breath. It’s not bad, just funny. I think I’d like him better if he wore nice smelly stuff actually. If he does, it isn’t obvious.


The urge to slap her was so strong – 25th & 26th October 2001

Thursday 25th I was still really pissed this morning! I managed to get through lectures though and then get some sleep before getting ready to go to the Jason Donovan concert.

Violet booked the tickets a few days ago cos, while we were all slightly drunk, my flatmates and I decided we really wanted to go. A few extra people came too such as Layla’s mate Claire and Violet’s boyfriend.

The concert was surprisingly good and it was pretty packed. Jason only sang about 4 songs but then we got 2 Blues Brothers blokes. I thought they were better to be honest and Claire agreed!

[Here’s my terrible photo of the man himself.]

After the concert, we all made our way to Bar Non. Kevin was there and said he was going to surprise me but he’d told me earlier on just in case I missed him. I spoke to Jake in there too. He hugged me when he first saw me and claimed he’s bit after Bronwen anymore. He told me that he might have to leave Huddersfield because he won’t be able to do the full course here cos it’s not good enough or something. He’ll have to take a year out and go to Sheffield Hallam instead.

I later saw Jake snogging that girl again but then I was doing the same thing with Kevin so I didn’t really care.


Friday 26th Layla’s friend Michelle came out with us all tonight. This was fine until she got pissed and became one of the most annoying, loud, in-your-face stupid cows I’ve ever seen! Kevin kept having to restrain me cos the urge to slap her was so strong! I just avoided Michelle as much as possible and I stuck with Kevin all night. We went to Milton, Revolution and then Camel Club and they were all pretty crap actually.

[Here we are prior to wanting to slap Michelle. It’s Marc, Ronan, Claire, Kevin and me at the back and Layla and Michelle at the front.]

I rang Jake when I got in to ask him if Vinnie Jones dies in the film Snatch cos I know he’s seen it and thought he might settle the debate between me and Kevin. He did actually sound quite pleased to hear from me and we ended up having a really long conversation which was nice.

Kevin decided to confess to me about his “psycho” past as well tonight. He used the word “psycho” (which worried me a bit at first) but it turned out that he’d just been in a couple of fights and went a bit over the top. It doesn’t particularly please me to know that (I’m used to lads like Jake!) but I’m really not that bothered as long as he doesn’t turn on me or anyone I like.


“Don’t take samples now, we just pissed in the stream” – 24th October 2001

Wednesday 24th Our course had to go on another field trip today, only this time it wasn’t too bad. It was nice and sunny and we were in some woodland somewhere (Stonycliffe Woods, maybe?) taking water samples and stuff. We just had to work in small groups so I was with the Environmental Science with Geography people (my exact course) who are Jen, Jonathan and a woman called Gina.

Kevin was upstream with the Environmental Science lot which includes Vicky who very obviously fancies him! She’s a bit odd though so I don’t think her feelings are returned. She just laughs at everything he says and he wrote “Don’t take samples now, we just pissed in the stream” on a plastic duck which he was going to float down to us, and she thought it was hilarious and kept going on about it. Then she sat in the seat I’d been sat on (next to Kevin) on the coach on the way back. I don’t mind really. It’s pretty funny and I’m used to people being after my lad after going out with Jake for so long!

I went out with just Kevin tonight into town. He wouldn’t queue up for anywhere so we ended up in Warehouse which was a bit crap to begin with. It got better though, once I discovered they’d serve pints of diesel :)! I got pretty pissed actually.

Kevin’s flatmate Nico (I think that’s what he’s called) was there too. He gives the impression that he’s a bit sleazy and there’s something I don’t like about him but I’m not sure what. He hit some girl too. He’s a bit if a shortarse so I’m surprised no-one smacked him back. I’ve got into the habit of calling him The Tooth Fairy though cos he’s got a shark’s tooth round his neck with little white shells that also look like teeth.

After Warehouse we went to Camel Club. It looks a bit like an igloo in there and I found a toy plastic gun on the floor. I also saw Jill Baines from my college.

I pointed out the Vicky thing to Kevin and he couldn’t disagree with me so he obviously thinks she likes him too. I couldn’t help but tease him about it so when we saw her, I dragged him over to sit with her. Hee hee!!

Kevin came into my room for a bit when we got back and I managed to fall asleep until he turned the light off. I was snoring apparently but he said I looked cute when I was asleep! He wanted to stay but I wouldn’t let him cos I’ve got lectures first thing tomorrow.

He referred to himself as my boyfriend, said that “Brown Eyed Girl” song could be for me (cringe!!) and grabbed me and kissed me. I liked the last part! 🙂


Plucking their eyebrows at the kitchen table – 23rd October 2001

Tuesday 23rd I had a pretty short day at uni today so I just went back to Storthes and slept for ages until it was time to go round to Kevin’s to be cooked for.

It was a bit scary being in his flat cos I’ve never really seen anyone from it. Nobody really spoke to me though. The lads weren’t there and the girls were either cooking (actual veg and stuff!) or plucking their eyebrows at the kitchen table and getting ready to go out.

Kevin and I ate then he got his TV out of hiding (no licence) and we watched that before going up to the Arbar.

I spoke to Violet at one point tonight and she informed me that Marc feels like a twat after what went on last night. There wasn’t really much I could say to make him feel better though cos he was a twat.

The Arbar was boring so we went back to watch TV again and cuddled. He seemed to kiss me a bit more tonight and said I’ve got a nice smile and that I can go in his car when we go on the Wales field trip. Yey!


He never shuts up about his damn hernia – 22nd October 2001

Monday 22nd I went to Rock Night at the Arbar this evening with Marc, his mate Chris (one with gingery hair) and Kevin. Marc and Kevin was definitely a bad combination and I’m going to avoid mixing the 2 of them in future!

I was messing about doing the “which would you rather?” game and asking the lads at the table about girls in the room. It wasn’t like I singled Marc out cos I was asking them all the same thing and no-one took offence to it. Actually, I don’t even know if that’s what set him off cos he played along. Then a few minutes later he started telling me, or rather yelling and swearing at me, to “fucking get outside now”. Kevin had gone to the bar so maybe he’d picked his moment carefully cos the way he was speaking to me wasn’t particularly pleasant and if some girl had yelled at Kevin like that, I wouldn’t have been best pleased.

“Best pleased” would definitely not be the words to describe the way I was feeling towards Marc at that point. My level of aggressiveness rose extremely high and I had to grip the seat to stop myself leaping up and lamping him. I don’t know what Marc thinks I’m like but there is no way I was going to obey his commands and follow him outside. I basically reacted with “fuck off ” and a few more evil comments and he stormed off back to the flat. I was absolutely fuming!

When I got back to the flat with Kevin, I found this letter pushed under my door along with various text and voicemail messages on my phone apologising over and over and basically saying what’s in the letter lots of times.

He must’ve thought I was ignoring his calls but I just didn’t take my phone out with me.

Marc obviously feels really guilty and is regretting yelling at me like that so, seeing as I’ve calmed down myself now, I might just forgive him. He’ll be regretting it a lot more though if he ever pisses me off like that again!

Kevin looked really nice tonight actually and I’ve decided I really like him again. His hair was all spiky and he was looking a bit scruffy to fit in with the moshers but then I quite like that look. 🙂

He is a bit slow though. It took him ages before he kissed me. I discovered he’s really ticklish on his back and likes having his hair messed with. He called me “gorgeous” too. 🙂 He said he never knew what to say to me before last Friday when we got together. I also found out he’s had 2 girlfriends before. One for a month and the other for 6 months.

I’ve discovered another small problem with him and it’s that he never shuts up about his damn hernia and all the injuries/operations he’s had. It wouldn’t be so bad if I wasn’t so squeamish!