It looks like I’m going to be getting through high school without ever getting a boyfriend – 12th & 13th February 1999

Friday 12th Okay, now I really am worried. I’ve left my Food Tech coursework unfinished in the Home Ec room and it’s half term now. It’s got to be handed in on the first day back. It’s my actual GCSE stuff and is worth 60% of my final mark in Food. Mum said she’ll take me to school tomorrow to see if there are any cleaners there to let me in. If they’re not there, we’ll try again on Monday. The other danger is that my teacher might have taken the box with my coursework in, thinking that it’s already finished.

If it’s not there, Mum said she’ll try and get in contact with Mrs K. If the worst comes to the worst and there’s no way I can get it back this holiday, Hayley said I can borrow her sheets to help me do the parts I haven’t done. The other major worry is that it’s gone missing completely. I don’t know what I’d do then.

Adam (ARC33) has got a girlfriend. I sent him a Valentine’s card yesterday too. I didn’t get any. [Yet…] Ewan got one but I dunno who from. Well, it looks like I’m going to be getting through high school without ever getting a boyfriend.

I was with Emma at last break and she stopped to talk to Ewan and Adrian Ford. All 3 of them ignored me completely and they were talking about someone Emma kept asking Ewan if he liked her (whoever it was) and Adrian said he liked her hair for the photo on Wednesday. It was possible Olivia coz I thought someone mentioned the name. So, is that summit else (involving Ewan this time) that I’ve not been included in? I hope not but Emma wouldn’t tell me what she was talking about afterwards.


Saturday 13th My sister just found this on the doorstep. →

It’s a good job Abby found it and not one of my parents or he’d [Paul Nutt] be one dead freak! I know it’s from him coz perfectdrug is his e-mail address thing. Weirdo!

Oh shit, that means he definitely knows where I live.

Oh my God, he must’ve been outside the front door while I was in the house. Urgh!!!

Why couldn’t it have been from Ewan or Ferny, hey?

I saw Riley Howarth today. He was running across a road near school. He’s still gorgeous. Speaking of gorgeous, my mum was telling me that Callum Webber (babe!) had to do his mock exams on his own coz he was ill when everyone else did them.

It’s exactly a year since I went skiing. I can’t believe it was that long ago. I’ve liked Ferny for that long. Actually longer.

Bolton won 2-1 today as well so Dad’s pleased.

Adam got his card. He sent me an e-mail saying thanks. I hope he wasn’t as freaked out as I was when I got mine!


Why can’t they just grow up? – 10th & 11th February 1999

Wednesday 10th We had the Year 11 photo done this morning. I think most people I know or want to remember where on it.

We also think that, later on in the year, they do ones with groups of friends or summit and Hayley said she heard Lindsey Bullman say, “Well, Hayley’s not being on it and Tessa’s definitely not.” Bitch! It’s so bloody annoying! I won’t go into that again or I’ll be writing for ages.

Nutter was stood grinning at me when I came out of Maths and, as usual, I pretended I hadn’t seen him but then Lizzie said, “Look Tess, it’s Paul” so that was embarrassing. Although, I forgot that when I got outside coz I walked past Ewan and he smiled at me for no reason. Daft I know! Nutter was also asking Hayley if he should send me a Valentine’s card. She told him not to coz I’d get embarrassed or summit.

That’s another thing that’s bothering me about not being particularly good friends with Emma anymore – the fact that she’s getting more friendly with people like Ewan. I’m worried she’ll say summit horrible about me to him. There’s so much that could go wrong with this situation.


Thursday 11th Rachael’s still dragging Freda into her pathetic little thing against me and Hayley. She apparently marched up to Freda at lunch and asked her if I’d been getting her to spy on them. Why can’t they just grow up?

Freda pushed me into Ewan at last break. It was so embarrassing. We’d just smiled at each other and Freda shoved me. I just managed to gain my balance before I fell into him. I daren’t look back as he was walking off. It’s a good job I didn’t actually touch him, I dunno what I’d have said!

As for the friendship photos, they’re actually coming up pretty soon. All the bitchy lot keep saying (loudly) things like, “So Rachael, have you got all seven names down?” If Hayley and I had been included, there’d be 9, you see.

Freda and Cat Elliot etc. asked if Hayley and I wanted to go on their photo so we are doing. So’s Emma actually but only coz that makes up the full group. At least they think about everyone and don’t leave people out unlike some people I can think of. […and that’s why I’m still friends with most of that lovely lot.]


Why can’t she just live a little? – 3rd-7th February 1999

Wednesday 3rd I told Emma about Nutter’s phone call last night and 1st thing this morning she went over to him and said, “Right, number 1 – Don’t phone Tess again coz her dad always answers and it’s embarrassing. And number 2 – She’s flattered but she doesn’t feel the same way.” Hopefully he’s got it into his head completely that I don’t like him now.

The field trip was boring but better than school. We just visited different areas of Warrington and compared them. I was in Ewan’s group but he didn’t speak to me at all.

After school I had a flute lesson so I was hanging about. Emma wanted to go to the shop to see Davis but she asked everyone except me. Afterwards, when everyone’d gone home, she was being pretty normal again.


Friday 5th I can’t believe it! Rachael Hollins actually spoke to me normally today and called me Tess. What’s going on?!

None of them have been quite as bad this week and Hayley agrees. We know they’re planning to all go on holiday together and that Georgia’s having a sleepover at some point but, other than that, they’ve be been okay. Although that could be to do with the fact that every day this week there’s been at least one of them missing. I don’t know.

Emma asked me today if I’d been getting Freda to spy on them in lessons. I didn’t know what she was on about and she wouldn’t tell me who’d said that. I wonder who did. Yes, Freda has been letting me know if someone said summit but that’s all and I didn’t actually ask her to.

Adrian Ford keeps smiling and saying “Hi Tess” to me and stuff. I’m suspicious coz he hasn’t done that before. Well, not since he thought I fancied Ewan anyway.

I’ve not seen Ewan much this week actually. I was talking to Ed in C Block after school and he came in and looked like he was coming over to say summit but he smiled and walked off. I’m not so sure if what Emma said on Tuesday is true.


Sunday 7th I’m so bored. I’m just not in the mood for doing homework and I’ve not got any friends who want to do anything. Hayley is so boring. She never wants to do anything fun. She wouldn’t even come to the Trafford Centre with me today. I think she likes staying in on her own. She’ll only ever go out if it’s to the Sports Club.

I was just saying that it’s be good to go to Mr Smith’s or anywhere like that sometime but she won’t have any of it. She worries more than I do. Even when she’s been asked to sleepovers and things in the past she hasn’t gone. Why can’t she just live a little?

I really am in need of a good time but I’m stuck for friends at the moment. I just want Emma to start ringing me again at weekends but I think there’s little chance of that happening. I don’t want to phone her either coz I don’t want to get accused of being “clingy” or anything again. Well, I hope she’s bored too.

That’s another annoying thing. Everyone else seems to have friends out of school except me. I’ve got nothing to look forward to either. There’s nothing good coming up at all. I know I’m not going to enjoy the holidays coz it’s just going to be like an extended weekend with nothing going on. Most other people probably have nothing to do either but I can’t help but feel that everyone else is out enjoying themselves whether they are or not. Emma said she wasn’t doing anything this weekend but I don’t actually know if I believe what she says anymore.


“Ewan likes you” – 2nd February 1999

Tuesday 2nd Well, it’s been, let’s say… an interesting day.

Out of my little group of sort-of-friends there were only 5 of us in school coz everyone else was on the Geography field trip today. There was me, Olivia, Lindsey Bullman, Rach and Jade Hanock. Rach was being really moody with me this morning but at lunch when I asked her a question she actually have me a full answer using more than one sentence. She looked at me when she said it and her tone of voice was actually quite friendly.

I didn’t really see much of her after that so I dunno if it was just a one off or if she forgot she was in a mood with me. It could’ve been to do with the fact I asked her to come and sit with me and Lizzie in Science when she was on her bill. It could’ve been that except she did storm off out of the classroom when the bell went.

Olivia was being really talkative as well and Lindsey and Jade weren’t too bad either. It was probably just coz there was a shortage of people to talk to. We’ll see I s’pose when it gets back to normal.

Cat told me today that Ken Dronfield (mate of Paul N’s) is planning on asking Lizzie to the prom. Poor girl! Mind you, I’d best watch myself with Paul coz, according to Abby, he’s told Jacqueline that he still really likes me.

Emma had quite a bit to tell me when she got back from the trip and we were in Swing Band. She said that Suzanna had told Az Hart about Emma offering people money to go with Freddie and, of course, it got back to him. She denied it and then he asked her to the prom. She said she’d think about it.

Just before Swing Band started, I was walking back from the canteen and Ewan smiled at me and said good afternoon or summit. I thought it was weird coz he’s ignored me and vice versa for ages now. Then when I got back in C Block, Abby was stood there with Evie and said, “Emma just disappeared round that corner with Ewan.”

I was just about to ask for more info when Emma came round the corner and said, “Ewan likes you”. I thought she was winding me up or she’d misheard someone else’s conversation. Then she told me that he’d just dragged her off round a corner and asked her if I still liked him. She said she didn’t know coz I hadn’t talked about him for ages.

He said summit like, “There are such things a phones, you know.” When she asked what he meant, he told her to get me to ring him tonight. She told him that I wouldn’t do it and said, “Why don’t you phone her?” He said, “Coz I’m shy” and she told him that so was I.

He then said (this is all according to Emma, remember), “Why do I always like shy girls?” I assume by that he also means Alice Croft. That is such bad timing (as usual) if he really does like me coz I’ve pretty much gone off him now. The reason he said it (if he did) could also be because he liked me liking him so he’d just trying to keep me interested. I’m not sure what to make of it actually.

I’ve got my Geography field trip tomorrow. Ewan’s included in that. I’m dreading it. I’ve not got any of the sheets we were meant to have coz I wasn’t in last lesson and Rachael’s probably still going to be moody and Lizzie’s probably not going to be in school so I’ll be stuck with the sad people like Karen Brent. Never mind, at least I get to miss Wednesday.


P.S. Paul (okay, I’ll call him Nutter again) just phoned me. Dad answered and said (normally) that it was for me so I thought it was Hayley or someone. It wasn’t. It was him. He started asking me about Monday and as soon as I could I handed him over to Abby but she eventually gave me the phone back.

I started nattering on about the Geography field trip to try and sound boring but then he said, “Are you doing anything on Saturday?” I panicked coz I knew what was coming next. He said he asked coz he was going to the cinema and wanted me to go. I sort of got rid of him as fast as I could by making up some excuse and I hung up. Only afterwards I realised I hadn’t actually said that I didn’t want to go. I hope he’s got the message and leaves me alone. He can’t be that dense, can he? Yeah, probably knowing my luck!

WOW! – 1st February 1999

Monday 1st WOW! I saw all the Man Utd players today. I went to The Cliff training ground with Freda, her mum and Bronwen Groves. It was so cool.

Just as we got there, they were all finishing training. I was actually convinced that they wouldn’t be there but they all were and there weren’t many people watching. I got most of their autographs and some of the fit youth players’ autographs too.

I can’t believe my camera battery ran out though! I got some photos and got really close to the players. Most stopped as they were going out of the car park in their big, flash Mercs, BMWs, 4x4s, Ferraris, Jags etc. and signed through open windows but some, including David Beckham, Ryan Giggs and Jaap Stam, came over to us. It was so good!

[Here I am in my Man Utd-filled room.]

The autographs I got were from:-

Peter Schmeichel
Jaap Stam
Ryan Giggs
David Beckham
Roy Keane
Denis Irwin
Dwight Yorke
David May
Andy Cole
Phil Mulryne
Michael Clegg
Wes Brown
Phil Neville
Alex Ferguson
Teddy Sheringham
Ronny Johnsen
Henning Berg
Ole Gunnar Solskjaer


[Crap photos of (clockwise from top left) Ryan Giggs, Roy Keane, Jaap Stam, Peter Schmeichel and David Beckham.]

And about 5 of the youth players. They’re all in a little, clear Paperchase book thingy. [I must still have it somewhere what with my hoarding habits. I’ll have to try and find it.] WOW! I still can’t quite believe it. Certain people in school are going to be so jealous!

Well, I was brought back down to Earth as soon as I came home by Abby telling me that Paul Nutt phoned while I wasn’t in and he said he was going to phone back later. Jacqueline had given him my number and she and Abby said he was going to ask me out or summit so I had to phone him to set him straight about me not liking him.

Well, I’m sure you can imagine my reaction. Basically, I didn’t want to. Not because I like him but because it’d have been embarrassing and, knowing me from past experiences (e.g. Ralph), I’d only have ended up panicking and hurting his feelings or summit.

So, I begged and pleaded with Jacqueline to do it and eventually she said she would. The wimp’s way out, I know, but hopefully it’s worked. Abby went round to Jac’s house today so they could plan what to say. They did phone and ended up telling him that I really liked someone else in school but I wouldn’t tell them who.

Oh yes, I’ve got school to look forward to tomorrow. NOT! Hayley’s on the field trip with Geography so I’m stuck with the bitchy lot. Oh well, I guess I’ll either have to go and talk to someone else or just put up with it.


I’m pissed off with them all – 31st January 1999

Sunday 31st Okay, an update on what’s been happening over the last few days with my friends.

Hayley wasn’t in school coz she was ill too. Emma was being pretty alright again. I think she was feeling a bit guilty about what she’d said but I’m not too sure. I still kept my distance as much as I could.

Hayley was back and my so-called friends went back to being what’s become normal with us. We’ve noticed that they’re worse with us when they’re all together and after lunch when they’ve just been in a big group. They were still not doing anything which would look obvious to anyone outside the group but it’s bloody obvious to me and Hayley.

So, we went to the Sports Club and made ourselves feel better by having a good moan about them all. Those girls from the other high school where there too we talked to them quite a bit.

Whilst Hayley and I were babysitting her nieces, Ed’s sister was having her 18th birthday party which both Alice Croft and Ewan were at. I hope nowt happened even though I don’t particularly like him anymore.

But the main thing last night that we were missing out on was Lindsey Bullman’s sleepover. Again, Hayley and I weren’t invited but everyone else (including that bitch Emma) was. I can’t say I’m too pleased about that, however I’m pissed off with them all.

Well, so far today I’ve been stuck at home. I’m not exactly having fun at the moment.


“How would you kiss Tess?!” – 26th January 1999

Tuesday 26th It’s nearly 2 weeks since this business with my friends started. I was just thinking last night that it was starting to get back to normal. Well, I thought too soon, didn’t I?

It’s Emma now. I knew this would happen that she wouldn’t want to be associated with the unpopular ones (me and Hayley) so she ignores me to get in with the bigger crowd. I’ve noticed it recently (but I didn’t think much of it) that she too has been being a bit off with me when we’re all together but fine on our own.

Then today at lunch, she went to dump her bag so I went with her coz there was nobody else about and usually she wants me to. Today though she said, “You’re like a little sheep, you, following me about.” I knew what she was getting at even though she said it jokingly. Then at last break, everyone (except me and Hayley) was jumping about and hugging each other until we went over and they went all still and quiet and talked about summit like homework.

So I, being irritated by it, confronted Emma in French and asked her if she had some sort of problem with me. She refused to say at first but then came out with, “I need my space.” So in Swing Band I asked her what she meant by it and she told me to stop being so clingy. The thing is, I haven’t been any more “clingy” than I usually have, it’s just because she wants to split off from me that she sees it that way. I’ve just been normal.

She actually admitted that she wanted to stay friends with the group and, when I asked her what was up with them, she said that they hadn’t actually said it but it was because I just don’t get on with them.

That’s the problem though and this is what I don’t understand because neither Hayley nor I have fallen out with any of them. For some reason they’ve just taken a dislike to us. Well, with Emma it’s purely for selfish reasons and she’d better not think I’ll forget this. I know plenty of things about her that she’d rather people didn’t know as well. I’m not going to turn really nasty though unless I’m forced to coz it wouldn’t really be doing me any favours.

Freda also mentioned that Lindsey Bullman [A known megabitch.] was having a sleepover this weekend and I’ve not heard anything about it. She also told me that the group of them who are going to The Corrs concert on Monday actually didn’t want Hayley to go and wanted Olivia to go instead. So they were going to find some way of making her drop out.

Then, after Freda told me this, they decided they were going to go to a club in Manchester after the concert and, when Hayley asked her parents, she wasn’t allowed to go so she sold her ticket to Emma. Hayley said today that none of them had mentioned a club after Emma bought the ticket and she thought that they only said they were going so she’d drop ou+t. I didn’t tell her what Freda said coz it’s probably linked and I don’t want to prove her right coz it’d upset her more. Plus Freda is a good little informant and I don’t want to drop her in it. [Yes, good old Freda.]

I’ve just been on the phone to Hayley now and we’ve decided that at least it’s not just one of us left out and we’ve agreed that it’s not our fault as to why this has happened. She said she feels like she has to try really hard to get included in conversations and she feels like she has to be extra nice to them all. I know what she means. Why us, hey?

[Ugh. I really feel for teenage me. I remember this episode and it was horrible being left out of things for no apparent reason by a whole group of girls that I thought were my friends, especially when Emma was involved.

I know a few girls that this sort of thing happened to over the years at school. It seems so cruel. Did boys ever do this to each other?

I was lucky that I had other good mates in Cat, Lizzie, Sarah, Hayley, Freda etc. but it was still awful going to school every day, not knowing what would be said or done to upset you next. It almost made Paul Nutt a welcome distraction!…]

Another thing that I’ve got to worry about is Paul Nutt. Three people have warned me now that he’s going to ask me out. First was Abby. She and Jacqueline Robson went to his house last night again and he said he might send me a Valentine’s card and he might ask me out. He also told them that he might get his lip pierced but I think he changed his mind when Jac asked, “How would you kiss Tess?!” Yuk!

Then Emma (stupid bitch) said to him, “Are you going to ask Tess out?” and he said he was.

Lastly, Hayley said that in Drama he’d said to her, “You’re Tessa’s friend, aren’t you?” Then he asked her what she thought I’d say if he asked me out. She said she sort of stuttered her way to a sort of no but he still said, “I will, I’ll do it.”

What am I gonna say to him? How can I say no nicely? Oh well, at least someone likes me!