It’s all completely in her head – 22nd September 1999

Wednesday 22nd Freda and Cat gave me reasons as to why Twisted Girl’s not speaking to me but I’ve got to pretend I don’t know because I don’t want to drop them in it for telling me what she told them.

At break, I was sat on a bench with Freda and Twisted Girl walked past with Georgia Dean. She spotted Freda talking to me, glared and carried on walking. Freda said she could tell she was being slagged off by Hayley and continued to tell me what was going on.

She told me that Hayley said I keep putting her down in front of people. Has she got that confused that she’s mixing my actions up with hers?! According to her, I said she was going to fail her driving test. I didn’t say anything as straight up as that but we were joking with each other that it takes some people years to pass and she knew it was a joke. She also told Freda that I laugh a lot whenever Aled’s skitting someone. That I don’t deny but I don’t do it all the time and it’s not just me either.

To Cat, she said the same plus that I make snidey comments about her jewellery and clothes. Now that is a complete lie and she either knows it and that I can’t prove I didn’t say it, or it’s all completely in her head. As I keep saying….. twisted!!!

The next reason for her to go in a mood will be this weekend. There’s a cinema trip on Friday with me, Oscar, Cat and a few others and there’s one on Saturday with Sarah, Hayley and Rani. Freda was going on Saturday but she’s decided she’d rather come with us. Can you see where this is all going to lead? It’ll be my fault for manipulating Freda into coming with us or summit.

Another clue into whether I like Aled or not came when I found out he can’t come to the cinema with us. He’s got ice hockey I think. I was extremely disappointed. Also, when I saw him heading off into the distance with Julian Olsen after school, I was disappointed I missed him.

Abby saw Paul ‘Nutter’ Nutt on a bus after school today. She says he’s had his lip pierced, he’s making teeth or something as a job in an industrial park opposite Sainsbury’s, and he got a couple of Cs and then Fs and Us in his exams.

I was trying to be nice to Rani today coz I felt guilty about yesterday. Also, for safety purposes, I removed this page out of my notebook that Zoe wrote.



Destined for disappointment – 28th July 1999

Wednesday 28th Yesterday I went round to Emma’s. It didn’t seem to be a problem with Hayley coz I asked her but she didn’t want to come. The people who did go were me, Emma (obviously!), Maisie Jones, Keira Osborne, Patrick Campbell, Dougie, Ed, Davis, Brian Short, Stuart Hobbs and Gethin. All we really did was sit and talk and then Davis said we could all go round to his for the night if we wanted coz the rest of his family are away.

So, later on, I went back round to Emma’s and we got the bus to Warrington bus station and then one to Davis’s. Patrick didn’t go but Isaac McFarlane did instead. When we got to Davis’s, I was quite pleased to see 3 lads I didn’t know stood there. Well, one of them was Gavin Bilson who I have met once before but I didn’t know the others. They were Mark Parry (a.k.a. Maz P) and Nathan Holmes.

I kind of thought I could’ve been in with the chance with one of them seeing as Maisie is going out with Brian and Emma went with [snogged] Gavin but I was yet again destined for disappointment. You see, even though Keira still likes Dougie, she also seemed to have her eye on these two lads. Unfortunately, they (especially Maz P) seemed to quite like her too. I decided I much preferred Nathan anyway and he began to talk to me a bit and seemed really nice.

I sort of nearly fell over at one point when Keira and I were testing our sense of balance but he stopped me by putting his arms round my waist. He didn’t let go for quite a while either.

All 3 are 17 I think and Gavin had a driving lesson in the morning and Nathan left at about 1:30am with him coz his dad was away and his mum was at home on her own or summit. Keira got a hug off him as he left. I didn’t. What am I doing wrong, hey?

Keira ended up going with [snogging] Maz P and they went into the spare room and slept.

Sleep was something which I didn’t get any of. Neither did Dougie or Stuart. It was fun actually when we were the only ones awake. We just talked and threw things at Ed and Gethin and then we attempted to get cola bottle sweets in the bowl-style lamp shade. We got 3 in so Davis won’t be pleased when he finds them.

Dougie and I were doing a lot of giggling. I’m not sure what about but it was really funny!

Earlier on, when Gethin was awake he was really getting on my nerves. He was being really creepy and kept lying on the floor next to me and stuff. Ed was doing it later and head his arm round me and was playing with my hair and stuff and kept kissing me but I didn’t mind so much from him. Plus everyone expected summit to happen with me and Gethin for some reason but the idea of that makes me feel sick!

Dougie, Keira, Emma and I all left at about 10:00 am and got the bus back home. On the way, Emma said it would be good if she went out with Gavin and Keira went out with Maz P. Then she added on that it’d be good if me and Nathan got together. I wish! It won’t happen, believe me!

When I got home I slept from about 11:30 am to 6:30 pm and I’m still tired now.

I want armchairs and sofas like Davis’s. They’re so cool. They’re sort of reclining ones and so comfy.


P.S. I got told by Stuart that Paul Nutt’s Hotmail password used to be Tessa. Creep!

Little freak! – 29th June 1999

Tuesday 29th I had to go to orchestra rehearsals this afternoon coz Mr P made sure I knew about it. On my way there, Ewan Swann passed me on his bike. He said hi which surprised me a bit.

After orchestra I decided to sit on the tennis courts with Emma. Davis Nolan and his mate Drew from the US (he’s staying for 3 weeks), Kirsty (Davis’s younger but larger sister!), Patrick Campbell and Ed were there too. Drew seemed okay. He was pretty quiet and looked like a cross between Neil Kennedy and Brian Short which isn’t particularly good!

Davis was being pretty nice to me. We never used to get on until recently. I don’t talk to him much but we can control the insults! He’s alright really, I suppose. He started tickling me at one point and I couldn’t stop him coz he’s too strong! Thumping him has no effect except it causes pain in your fists!

I went to the Sports Club with Hayley this evening. Stuart Hobbs, Brian Short and Sam Allsop a.k.a The Brownies (they’re all Venture Scouts or summit and meet with a few others. They’re all a bit sad and girly so ‘Brownies’ is more appropriate!) were there too.

Stuart told me he’s been talking to Paul Nutt and apparently he still fancies me. He told me he’d gone off me for a month or so ‘til now. Before he was apparently insulting me, saying stuff like he doesn’t know why I won’t go out with him coz I can’t afford to be picky seeing as I don’t get a chance with other lads or summit. Little freak!

Stuart also told me that Ken Dronfield was more likely to be lying about that dodgy e-mail than Paul. That’s interesting actually. I wonder who is being truthful.

Stuart also told me that Gethin Turner and Henry Rockwell like me. I think, I hope, he’s making it up!

I read a mail from Adam before. He said he’s been thinking about what we said about him coming here and he might. Only he says he’ll probably come on his own because it might not be as much fun at the cinema with other people hanging around. I don’t want to be on my own with him. It could be awkward or he could be a creep. I’ll try and persuade him to bring a mate.

I’m having doubts about my prom dress for Thursday. I like it but it’s from New Look so someone else is bound to have it. My mum’s added flowers to it but it’s still not obviously different. Too late now though.


Quite young, ginger and a bit of a gimp – 7th May 1999

Friday 7th Well, I’ve just survived one of the worst school trips I’ve ever been on (the worst, by far, was Llanberis*)! To start with, it’s been nice and warm and sunny for that last few weeks….. until today. The one night out of the week when we go to Blackpool, it starts chucking it down non-stop!

I felt sick on the coach nearly all the way there and people were shouting and throwing things which didn’t help. When we finally arrived, Mr M went to the ticket office to get the tickets but came back and told us it was shut. He made us sit on the coach for about 15 mins before telling us he was only joking.

Because Hayley won’t go on any decent rides, I got the 3 best ones out of the way 1st to prevent her moaning about having to stand on her own all night. I went on the Playstation first with Lena and Rachael Hollins. It was horrible! It was far worse than last time but still good. [Horribly good?] Then I went on the Irn Bru Revolution. That was okay. Sat next to Jade Hancock.

Then the Big One. Sat with Jade again. Last time I went on it was dark and I was at the front. This time it was light so I could see everything and I was at the back so I could see how far we’d come up. I nearly had my neck snapped at the bottom of the big drop and all the way round it felt like someone was throwing gravel at my face coz the rain was so heavy and I was hitting it bloody fast.

When I got off I met back up with Hayley and she pointed out some bloke who looked like Curly Watts out of Corrie who’d been trying to chat her up. To avoid him she dragged me to the other end of the park. Here she forced me to go on the Wild Mouse ride which is shite and really embarrassing. Of course, half our year walked past, didn’t they?!


[Curly Watts via Wikipedia]

We just wandered round going on the odd ride all night and ended up gaining Sarah Llewellyn who went on the Wild Mouse with Hayley loads while I stood and watched (I’d run out of tickets), drenched and freezing.

The bloke who was operating it was quite young, ginger and a bit of a gimp – just the type to fancy me. And he did. That U2 song ‘The Sweetest Thing’ started playing and he was singing it at me and asking if I was okay. Hayley asked him if he fancied me when he asked why I wasn’t going on. He did and his mate said he (the ginge) wanted my phone number. The ginger one said he’d go on with me and whistled as we were walking off.

Nutter went too. I hate him now. I was talking to Ken Dronfield who’s into that sort of music (but I don’t think he’s as weird) and he was telling me that it was Nutter that sent me that e-mail a while back. He said he was telling me coz he wasn’t friends with him anymore. Nutter apparently stopped speaking to Ken 3 weeks ago for no reason.

Ken also told me that Nutter’s always lying through his teeth. So, either Ken’s lying now (which I doubt) or Nutter really is the complete freak I originally thought he was. I told Emma about it and she confronted Nutter but he still denied it. Little bastard! I now hate him more than David Elleray and Johnny Doherty and Miss P and Lindsey Bullman. That’s saying summit and all!

Anyway, me, Hayley and Sarah stayed with Ken and Oscar Price (he’s quite sweet actually or so he seemed) for a bit then left them to get food and a much needed hot chocolate.

On the coach on the way back, Didier Lomas was telling us that Nutter pulled. There were some girls asking him to go with [snog] them and he did. Hopefully he’ll forget about me for a while then.

Also on the coach, Emma was telling Georgia Dean that Ewan Swann said he wasn’t sure whether to go out with Safiyah L. Why couldn’t he ask me?

Karen Brent was feeling sick whilst sat behind me and Freda was desperate for the toilet.

Got back to Hayley’s, ate chips and gravy, changed clothes, went home, had a bath, went to bed.


[*The trip to Llanberis was pre-diary so I don’t have an entry for it. It was so bad that pupils and teachers of old from my school still occasionally recall the terrible memories today. Just a taste of what went on…

  • There was torrential rain from the first day so everyone’s stuff got soaked and never dried out.
  • We were forced to abseil in thunderstorms, re-wetting any item of clothing that got ideas above its station about drying out a bit in the fresh air.
  • I slipped and cut my shin very badly on a slate rock, causing my leg swell so much that I couldn’t walk. 
  • None of the teachers gave a toss about my injury because everyone except Cat Elliot and I had food poisoning.
  • The only reason Cat and I escaped food poisoning was because the grub was so awful that we survived for 3 days solely on packets of Digestive biscuits that our mums packed us off with.

Thank you, McVitie’s!]

Lindsey Bullshit – 12th & 13th April 1999

Monday 12th School wasn’t too bad actually. It sounds like Hayley and I did more than the rest of them in the hols. Mega Bitch (Lindsey) got a letter home from school at the start saying they were concerned about her coursework or summit. Well, I’m more concerned about that huge, gaping hole in the middle of her face. That could get dangerous if someone wasn’t looking where they were going!

Sorry, maybe that makes me as bad as her. I bloody well hope not!

I tried hard to keep a straight face but failed in P.E. when Johnny Doherty and Tunde were talking about the Grand National. They were saying that if they were entering a horse they’d call it “Lindsey Bullman”. Then Tunde said, “You mean Lindsey Bullshit!” I tried very hard not to snigger coz I had Rachael next to me.

Rachael was actually being really nice to me, chatting away about her hols.

I’ve just been watching Great Expectations on TV. Hayley things I’m sad but I love stuff like that, especially when the cast included Ioan Gruffudd. He’s so lovely! The worrying thing is though that my mum agrees!

[Via IMDB]


Tuesday 13th  I might be going bowling a week on Friday with Hayley, Bella, Chloe Gomez and Rochelle Jennings and anyone else who wants to come. Cameron Anderson might come too with some mates.

I was telling Bella in Art about Freda going out with this 22 year old who works at Gulliver’s World. They’re going to LA Bowl this Friday and we were going to go to have a look until she remembered she was already going somewhere. Then at lunch, Bella suggested that we should all go anyway another time. Even if it doesn’t happen, it’s pleasing to have someone ask me somewhere seeing as The Bitches are planning a trip to McCauley’s and Mr Smith’s in Warrington.

I had Swing Band after school and Paul N was hanging around playing a guitar coz he’s in some rock concert at school which Charlie Wilson was trying to get me to go to. I have to say, Paul’s got a nice tan!

Emma was asking him if he still likes me. He does.

Adam phoned tonight. I’d been talking to him on the net and he said he would. When he rang we just talked about school, GCSEs, A-Levels, holidays, letter writing, photographs and loads more boring stuff like that. There weren’t any awkward silences though. Even if it was boring conversational topics, I really enjoyed talking to him again.


Bitches! – 10th & 11th March 1999

Wednesday 10th Emma’s changed her story since last night. When I asked her last night why he wanted me to phone him, she said it was coz he liked me. Today after school when I asked her why he couldn’t just phone me, she told me it was coz I liked him and not the other way round.

He’s confused me too. This morning he completely ignored me when I saw him (but I’m not actually sure he saw me coz he was talking to someone) then at lunch he leapt out from under the stairs (he was getting his bag) and said, “Hiya Tess!” I said hi back but I dunno if he heard me coz I was walking away. I hope he did coz I don’t want him thinking I’m ignoring him.

I don’t think he does like me actually, it’s more like he just wants to keep me interested. He was wearing his glasses all day though!

Sadie told me he fancies Holly Lowe or someone this morning so it’s not looking good for me. Yes more disappointment. I’m stupid for getting my hopes up in the first place. I always do that. He’s not freaky enough to like me anyway!

Speaking of freaks, Nutter reckons he’s had the same e-mail. He asked Hayley what the mail address was and then told her he’d had one too. Yeah right!

They were all planning what they were wearing for the Steps concert on Saturday according to Hayley. If that’s true then Emma was lying through her teeth when she said she was wondering if Johnny Doherty (who’s going for a dare or summit) got our seats.


Thursday 11th He’s too shy to phone me but he’ll phone bleeding Holly Lowe (or whatever). Shy – huh, yeah right! He completely ignored me twice today as well. I knew this’d happen. I said didn’t I that I’d end up being disappointed. Bloody hell! Why can’t summit go nicely for a change?

I was so close to smacking Emma one in Science too. I was bloody pissed off with that lying little bitch! She said the “Johnny’s the one who’d probably got our seats” thing again today when I wondered out loud who’d got them. She didn’t even change the subject.

I know they’re bloody going coz Jade Hancock’s let slip twice to Sarah Llewellyn and Freda when they asked her (separately) what she was doing this weekend. She actually said, “I’m going to the Steps concert on Saturday night.” Bitches!

I can’t get over the fact that they’ve actually kept all this up. It’s so low! The thing that’s really pissed me off is the fact that they’re gonna get away with it too.


“If you’re not scared now, you should be” – 6th March 1999

Saturday 6th We got this scary e-mail this morning, well, it was actually sent at about 11:00 on Thursday but we only read it today. It kept saying, “F**K YOU bitch” in it and stuff like “if you’re not scared now, you should be” and “by the end of the month you’ll be scared shitless”.

It was sent from someone called or summit and the place where the name usually is said “red rum” (read it backwards). It really scared me. It said other stuff too which sounded like freaky song lyrics or something. Oh, I dunno, it’s just really freaked me out anyway.

It’s got to be linked with Paul Nutt though. It’s too coincidental that it’s from Hotmail (which is what he’s on) and the ‘unwanted1’ part could also link coz he’s always moaning to Jacqueline that no-one’ll give him a chance.

Although, I’m not entirely convinced it’s him and Jac and Abby keep telling me that it’s not his style. He could have got one of his mates or someone to do it for him or if he’s told them about me then they may have done it off their own back. Especially if Hayley (who keeps telling him I think he’s a freak) or Ralph (who’s been stirring things) have said something to him which has triggered it all off.

I don’t really know what’s going on but I do know that I don’t like it.

Anyway, I sent it to the people on AOL who try to sort out anything like that so I can see what they make of it. Mum also said that if it carries on then we can always get the police involved. I think Dad just wants to batter ‘em!

I did that competition thing today. It went quite well but we don’t find out until April if we get to go to London for the finals or not.

Emma said I didn’t miss much last night coz they were 20 minutes late and Ewan didn’t even go. He went to Adrian’s instead.


It looks like I’m going to be getting through high school without ever getting a boyfriend – 12th & 13th February 1999

Friday 12th Okay, now I really am worried. I’ve left my Food Tech coursework unfinished in the Home Ec room and it’s half term now. It’s got to be handed in on the first day back. It’s my actual GCSE stuff and is worth 60% of my final mark in Food. Mum said she’ll take me to school tomorrow to see if there are any cleaners there to let me in. If they’re not there, we’ll try again on Monday. The other danger is that my teacher might have taken the box with my coursework in, thinking that it’s already finished.

If it’s not there, Mum said she’ll try and get in contact with Mrs K. If the worst comes to the worst and there’s no way I can get it back this holiday, Hayley said I can borrow her sheets to help me do the parts I haven’t done. The other major worry is that it’s gone missing completely. I don’t know what I’d do then.

Adam (ARC33) has got a girlfriend. I sent him a Valentine’s card yesterday too. I didn’t get any. [Yet…] Ewan got one but I dunno who from. Well, it looks like I’m going to be getting through high school without ever getting a boyfriend.

I was with Emma at last break and she stopped to talk to Ewan and Adrian Ford. All 3 of them ignored me completely and they were talking about someone Emma kept asking Ewan if he liked her (whoever it was) and Adrian said he liked her hair for the photo on Wednesday. It was possible Olivia coz I thought someone mentioned the name. So, is that summit else (involving Ewan this time) that I’ve not been included in? I hope not but Emma wouldn’t tell me what she was talking about afterwards.


Saturday 13th My sister just found this on the doorstep. →

It’s a good job Abby found it and not one of my parents or he’d [Paul Nutt] be one dead freak! I know it’s from him coz perfectdrug is his e-mail address thing. Weirdo!

Oh shit, that means he definitely knows where I live.

Oh my God, he must’ve been outside the front door while I was in the house. Urgh!!!

Why couldn’t it have been from Ewan or Ferny, hey?

I saw Riley Howarth today. He was running across a road near school. He’s still gorgeous. Speaking of gorgeous, my mum was telling me that Callum Webber (babe!) had to do his mock exams on his own coz he was ill when everyone else did them.

It’s exactly a year since I went skiing. I can’t believe it was that long ago. I’ve liked Ferny for that long. Actually longer.

Bolton won 2-1 today as well so Dad’s pleased.

Adam got his card. He sent me an e-mail saying thanks. I hope he wasn’t as freaked out as I was when I got mine!


Why can’t they just grow up? – 10th & 11th February 1999

Wednesday 10th We had the Year 11 photo done this morning. I think most people I know or want to remember where on it.

We also think that, later on in the year, they do ones with groups of friends or summit and Hayley said she heard Lindsey Bullman say, “Well, Hayley’s not being on it and Tessa’s definitely not.” Bitch! It’s so bloody annoying! I won’t go into that again or I’ll be writing for ages.

Nutter was stood grinning at me when I came out of Maths and, as usual, I pretended I hadn’t seen him but then Lizzie said, “Look Tess, it’s Paul” so that was embarrassing. Although, I forgot that when I got outside coz I walked past Ewan and he smiled at me for no reason. Daft I know! Nutter was also asking Hayley if he should send me a Valentine’s card. She told him not to coz I’d get embarrassed or summit.

That’s another thing that’s bothering me about not being particularly good friends with Emma anymore – the fact that she’s getting more friendly with people like Ewan. I’m worried she’ll say summit horrible about me to him. There’s so much that could go wrong with this situation.


Thursday 11th Rachael’s still dragging Freda into her pathetic little thing against me and Hayley. She apparently marched up to Freda at lunch and asked her if I’d been getting her to spy on them. Why can’t they just grow up?

Freda pushed me into Ewan at last break. It was so embarrassing. We’d just smiled at each other and Freda shoved me. I just managed to gain my balance before I fell into him. I daren’t look back as he was walking off. It’s a good job I didn’t actually touch him, I dunno what I’d have said!

As for the friendship photos, they’re actually coming up pretty soon. All the bitchy lot keep saying (loudly) things like, “So Rachael, have you got all seven names down?” If Hayley and I had been included, there’d be 9, you see.

Freda and Cat Elliot etc. asked if Hayley and I wanted to go on their photo so we are doing. So’s Emma actually but only coz that makes up the full group. At least they think about everyone and don’t leave people out unlike some people I can think of. […and that’s why I’m still friends with most of that lovely lot.]


Why can’t she just live a little? – 3rd-7th February 1999

Wednesday 3rd I told Emma about Nutter’s phone call last night and 1st thing this morning she went over to him and said, “Right, number 1 – Don’t phone Tess again coz her dad always answers and it’s embarrassing. And number 2 – She’s flattered but she doesn’t feel the same way.” Hopefully he’s got it into his head completely that I don’t like him now.

The field trip was boring but better than school. We just visited different areas of Warrington and compared them. I was in Ewan’s group but he didn’t speak to me at all.

After school I had a flute lesson so I was hanging about. Emma wanted to go to the shop to see Davis but she asked everyone except me. Afterwards, when everyone’d gone home, she was being pretty normal again.


Friday 5th I can’t believe it! Rachael Hollins actually spoke to me normally today and called me Tess. What’s going on?!

None of them have been quite as bad this week and Hayley agrees. We know they’re planning to all go on holiday together and that Georgia’s having a sleepover at some point but, other than that, they’ve be been okay. Although that could be to do with the fact that every day this week there’s been at least one of them missing. I don’t know.

Emma asked me today if I’d been getting Freda to spy on them in lessons. I didn’t know what she was on about and she wouldn’t tell me who’d said that. I wonder who did. Yes, Freda has been letting me know if someone said summit but that’s all and I didn’t actually ask her to.

Adrian Ford keeps smiling and saying “Hi Tess” to me and stuff. I’m suspicious coz he hasn’t done that before. Well, not since he thought I fancied Ewan anyway.

I’ve not seen Ewan much this week actually. I was talking to Ed in C Block after school and he came in and looked like he was coming over to say summit but he smiled and walked off. I’m not so sure if what Emma said on Tuesday is true.


Sunday 7th I’m so bored. I’m just not in the mood for doing homework and I’ve not got any friends who want to do anything. Hayley is so boring. She never wants to do anything fun. She wouldn’t even come to the Trafford Centre with me today. I think she likes staying in on her own. She’ll only ever go out if it’s to the Sports Club.

I was just saying that it’s be good to go to Mr Smith’s or anywhere like that sometime but she won’t have any of it. She worries more than I do. Even when she’s been asked to sleepovers and things in the past she hasn’t gone. Why can’t she just live a little?

I really am in need of a good time but I’m stuck for friends at the moment. I just want Emma to start ringing me again at weekends but I think there’s little chance of that happening. I don’t want to phone her either coz I don’t want to get accused of being “clingy” or anything again. Well, I hope she’s bored too.

That’s another annoying thing. Everyone else seems to have friends out of school except me. I’ve got nothing to look forward to either. There’s nothing good coming up at all. I know I’m not going to enjoy the holidays coz it’s just going to be like an extended weekend with nothing going on. Most other people probably have nothing to do either but I can’t help but feel that everyone else is out enjoying themselves whether they are or not. Emma said she wasn’t doing anything this weekend but I don’t actually know if I believe what she says anymore.