[Jesus. This entry is 8 and a bit pages of post-party analysis! I’ll see how I get on but there may have to be a ‘to be continued’…]

Sunday 11^th Okay, I’ll fill you in a bit more on last night’s party cos it was about 1:30am when I wrote that last entry and I wasn’t exactly sober.

When I first arrived with Hayley, we saw Matt Carrera (Zoe’s older brother) heading away from the house with Danny Barnes, Gary Willis and a few more of his mates so when we got inside there was hardly anyone there. More people did start slowly arriving and Zoe insisted that more people were coming.

As soon as Emma arrived, Hayley went very quiet. She hadn’t exactly looked like she was enjoying herself beforehand but this made her worse.

Ewan was meant to have arrived by 8:45 but he still wasn’t there by 9:00 so I was convinced he wasn’t coming but then at about 9:30 I went to get another drink and I saw him and Davis in the kitchen. They disappeared outside for a bit with Emma, after which she came running back in and told me they’d decided I was fit and Ewan stuck his head round the door and grinned at me.

At every possible opportunity, Hayley began slagging me off to Cat and people in front of Ewan and she was telling them how I was only pretending to be pissed. Believe me, I wasn’t pretending! It was obvious to me why she was doing this in front of him. It was cos she was so scared that I’d get together with him and she wouldn’t have a lad. A real friend wouldn’t do that. Anyway, the night looked like it went her way, miserable cow! I bet she’s pleased with herself.

Later on, I decided to go for a wander round the living room. I passed Davis and Gary and Davis patted the seat next to him and told me to sit down and talk with them so I did. Then Ewan came back, sat next to me and started up a conversation. Gary was asking us if we were staying on at 6^th Form (we both are) and what we are taking for A Level. Ewan’s doing 4 of them – Maths, Physics, Chemistry and Biology so he said he’d see me in Biology.

Then we started talking about jobs and he told me he’s quit at the garden centre because it paid badly but he was thinking of going back and he asked me if I was working anywhere. I said I was considering Ikea cos my dad said it’s meant to be good there and I had an application form. He asked what my dad did so I said he’s an architectural technician/builder. I’m not quite sure what happened after that but it probably wasn’t interesting.

Adrian Ford arrived a bit later and sometime after that we went for that walk. I wanted to go cos Ewan was but I didn’t want to just follow them so it was lucky that Emma dragged me along too. As we were getting towards the park, Ewan was worrying that he was carrying bottles and thought the police were going to drive by. They didn’t.

Somehow, I ended up admitting that I used to fancy Danny Barnes. I think Emma mentioned it so there was no point in denying it. I said, “Yeah, I used to fancy you” and Ewan turned round and said, “Me?” I told him I meant Danny but Emma told Ewan that I used to like him too. I can’t remember what I said to that. Probably nothing.

We reached the park and I sat on a swing. Ewan sat on the one next to me. We started talking about holidays and I told him how I was going to Belgium and then Scotland and he said he’d never been to Scotland so I told him it was a bit boring for most people cos it’s all mountains and stuff but I liked it up there cos of my relatives too. He said he’d probably like it cos he likes places like that.

He told me how he’d been to Ireland and was going to Wales soon for a while. I said how my family were going to go there for a week or so because of more family there but we decided not to. That’s when he said I could go to Wales with him if I liked. He said Adrian and Robert Osbourne and the Maine twins were going too and they’d be there for the eclipse. They’re going somewhere near Abersoch. I’m not sure if he really meant it when he kept saying, “Come!” but I wish he had!

The subject changed onto how many people Zoe fancies and then he asked me again what I was doing for A Level. We noticed Emma and Adrian going with [snogging] each other at the bottom of the slide and the subject got changed again.

After a while, I asked if he thought we should go back to Zoe’s. He said “no” and asked if I wanted to cos he’d walk back with me but I told him I didn’t really want to go back but I just thought that maybe we should. We did, well, Ewan, Danny and I did. We left the other 2 at the bottom of the slide.

On the way back, Danny was being very quiet (he was sober coz he was driving) so Ewan and I just talked to each other. He asked me again what I was taking for A Level and then asked me where I lived. I’d told him where earlier but he wanted to know whereabouts. I said, “Across the road from The Green Dragon, next door to the Methodist church. The house with the red van outside saying ‘D V Simpson Constructions’ on it.” He seemed to know where I meant.

When we got back to Zoe’s, Cat came up to me and said I’d better go and talk to Hayley and other people were telling me to go outside. I went out and saw Hayley in floods of tears. I couldn’t really have cared less coz I knew what she was playing at. I just thought I’d better look like I was concerned for everyone else’s benefit.

Hayley told me she’d been really worried when I went off and was asking me why I had to keep going off with Emma. I felt like telling her the truth, that she was being a miserable sod but Emma was having fun (come one, which one would you choose to talk to?!) but instead I said summit about not being sure why Hayley wasn’t speaking to me and how Emma was upset about Davis. She seemed to accept that answer and forgave me.

I went along with it even though I was still very pissed off with her coz it wasn’t worth the hassle of doing otherwise. All she was really trying to do was spoil my fun (coz I was having some and she wasn’t) by making me feel guilty. I pretended to feel guilty by repeatedly apologising but I wasn’t really bothered.

I was meant to be going and staying over at Hayley’s but I didn’t want to leave and she did so I said I’d walk her home with Cat but I was going back to Zoe’s. She didn’t seem to mind which surprised me.

When I arrived back at Zoe’s again, Emma was asleep on Ewan’s shoulder so I sat down and talked to him and Adrian for a bit. Ewan then disappeared so later I went upstairs with Ed and we found him on the Playstation in Matt’s room. I sat on the floor and watched.

Soon after that, Lizzie’s dad arrived and dropped me, Emma and Cat off at home. Ewan was still there when I left. I’m pretty disappointed that nothing happened coz I’ll probably not get another chance but I suppose at least I’ve talked to him now, even if it was a load of crap! I don’t think he really likes me much in a ‘fancy’ kind of way coz, even though he did keep talking to me a lot and kept smiling at me, there were a few times when I was in a room and he went out. Surely he wouldn’t have done that if he liked me. Never mind, hey?!

There were a few times when I still got a bit embarrassed though such as when Freda yelled across the room, “Tess, do you still like Ewan?” and he was stood there. In the kitchen I think both me and Ewan spilt drinks and someone (Emma, I think) said, “Oh, you see, you’re made for each other!” I don’t want to start liking him again coz I’ve been much happier when I haven’t liked anyone in particular but it looks like I’m heading that way!

Hayley’s just phoned me. I didn’t make any comment on how she was behaving towards me last night coz it’d be more trouble than it’s worth. Anyway, she said she was talking to Ewan and she asked him if he liked me and according to her (she’s not exactly a reliable source of information coz she either exaggerates or cuts bits out) he said summit like, “I don’t know, I’ve not talked to her yet. That can be my mission for the night.” Then apparently she told him to go and talk to me then coz there was a spare seat next to me or something. I’m not going to take much notice of any of that coz it was Hayley who told me.

I’ve just got back from the Sports Club now. I was with Hayley who keeps apologising for her behaviour last night but she told me that the party made her realise just how much she hated Emma.

I mentioned what Davis and Ewan said about me being fit an she started telling me not to believe a word of it because it was Emma who told me and she’s a liar. Hayley just can’t be please for me, can she?! Why does she have to be so jealous? I can’t agree with her about Emma at all and she knows it puts be in an awkward position when she slags her off like that. It’s as if she’s testing me to see how I’ll react.

When Hayley went to the toilet, Aled and Oscar came in and Oscar was telling me about how worried Hayley was when I went off last night and how she was going round asking everyone if they’d seen me. Worried? Bollocks! Was she heck worried! She was more likely to have been making out that she was the caring friend to gain sympathy and make me look bad. I honestly can’t believe she was genuinely worried about me. It was obvious I was coming back coz my bag was still there and I wasn’t the only one who went anyway.

I remembered before that Ewan was smoking. That’s not good! Although I also remember hearing him say that he wasn’t actually inhaling. I’ve decided I’m not going to get my hopes up about him coz, as usual, it’ll probably only end in me being disappointed again.

BYE!

[Well, I made it through the lot. That was long and boring. Sorry about that!]