All under the impression that I did 3 to Nathan – 2nd January 2000

Sunday 2nd I’m still longing to be in Wick and so’s Abby. Every time I hear anything to do with Scotland I feel like crying! I let Abby send a text message to Laura’s phone today seeing as they didn’t get to speak on New Year’s Eve. She said, “HI LAURA IT’S ABBY. DID U HAVE A GOOD TIME ON FRIDAY? SORRY I COULDN’T TALK 2 U OR KATE. DID U SEE ASHLEY? I REALLY REALLY WANNA B IN WICK. SPEAK SOON LUV A xxx”.

She got one back saying, “HI! WHEN R U NEXT UP? DUNCAN TRIED TO PHONE TESS BUT NO ANSWER! SEE U SOON LUV LAURA + KATE.” I don’t think Duncan did try to ring because my phone never said I’d missed a call. He can’t have tried very hard to get hold of me if he did.

Abby did send another message back saying, “HI LAURA + KATE IT’S ABBY AGAIN. DID U TALK 2 ASHLEY THEN? WOT DID HE SAY? I DON’T LIKE HIM NOW! WE R COMING UP IN THE SUMMER. TESS SAYS DUNCAN DIDN’T TRY TO PHONE HER. WOT U UP 2 THEN? BYE.” We had no reply.

I spoke to Emma this morning on the phone. She says Gavin’s party was good. I don’t know what went on with Nathan but Keira snogged his younger brother and Maz again and apparently it wasn’t a case of who Gethin snogged but more who he didn’t snog! I’m not allowed to say anything to Lizzie though.

Hayley also rang me. She seemed in a better mood than she was on Thursday! She was telling me about this Andy lad who she found at LA Bowl. She didn’t actually snog him but they’re going out tomorrow and she wants me to go too. This could be the beginning of yet more fallings out with her. I’ll end up going places with her to keep the peace until I can’t stand it any longer and then we’ll be back to square one where she thinks I’m ignoring her. I also would rather be in the company of Lizzie but Hayley’s not going to want her to come and I don’t want Lizzie thinking I’m leaving her out coz I’d much rather be out with her than Hayley.

Lizzie, Cat and Sarah are all under the impression that I did 3 [see Snogging Codeto Nathan rather than him managing all by himself, after what I said on Friday. I hope Lizzie or someone doesn’t say anything to anyone else before I can set them straight!

BYE!

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They were all pretty minging – 5th November 1999

Friday 5th I went to the Victoria Park bonfire this evening in Warrington but there was no bonfire, just a firework display and a few fairground rides. I was with Lizzie, Zoe, Freda, Poppy, Lucy and Rani and we met up with Brett and a few of his mates. Then all our lot went home early except me, Lizzie and Zoe so we just hung about with Brett etc.

They were all pretty minging. There was Rob who’s 16 with blonde hair who’s normal height and thin. Reevsey who’s 16 too, I think, and tall, quite fat with blonde hair. A little lad who I think was called Chris who’s apparently 17 and nice looking but too short. And then there was Brett.

Damon and Leon and a few others also turned up at one point but went later. Emma and Keira were there with Davis and his lot. Nathan was with them somewhere but I didn’t see him. I’m not too bothered. It could’ve been awkward and I looked a complete state!

We got sick of the so-called “bonfire” so we headed for McDonald’s in town. I got told that Reevsey liked me but then Zoe said she liked him. They ended up going with [snogging] each other and are now going out.

We met up with Emma and Keira again in the bus station and Emma ended up getting a lift home with Lizzie’s mum with us. As we were all walking to the Golden Gates where we were being picked up, Rob said to me and Emma sounded and looked like we were popular. I’m not sure what made him come out with that other than the fact we were talking about a lot of different people. I was quite flattered by that comment of his.

I like talking to Emma. She’s a good listener. For example, I was saying how I was worried about Hayley coming back, with the Aled stuff that’s been going on and all, and she made me feel so much better by telling me that nobody really takes Hayley seriously because most people know what she’s like.

She also said she’s in a similar situation with Nicola Banks. She says she can’t relax around her and has to watch what she says because Nicola, like Hayley, overreacts and can’t see how unreasonable she’s being. She told me that she wasn’t really enjoying college, partly because there are only a few people who she gets on well with. She says I’m one of them. That’s good!

I saw loads of Trotter in school today, just walking round. He’s had his hair cut. It’s still spiky but there are no blonde bits anymore. I was thinking just yesterday that he needed a haircut too!

Cat was doing a plan of who’d get together with who at the party next Friday in Biology. Lizzie and I helped her along with it. It went something like this:

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Someone told Gethin what’d been written. I don’t think he was very pleased. Notice Cat’s blocking off of the arrow between me and Freda. That’s her job for the night!

BYE!

I’ve hired Cat as my bodyguard – 1st-4th November 1999

Monday 1st I had to go back to college today after half term. I saw Trotter again for the first time in ages and he’s still as gorgeous as ever.

Most people know about Nathan and Aled now. Davis said Nathan said, “Hi”. Ed found out about Aled and was telling me to say it wasn’t true and stuff. Lizzie told him. We’ve agreed we’re even now after I told Aled about Brett and now she’s said that to Ed.

Aled was being nice to me again today. When Oscar was telling him I’d said that if I was going out with someone, I’d dump them before Xmas so I didn’t have to buy them a present, Aled then said, “Oh, I’ve always said that!” Hmmm, to be honest, I’m not so sure he has because Oscar couldn’t confirm it.

BYE!

P.S. I got this postcard from Freda this morning. It’s a bit late arriving because she got back last Wednesday!

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Tuesday 2nd Freda said she might have a party at her house on my birthday, using both my birthday and Poppy’s birthday as the excuse. Aled’s got ice hockey on Fridays so he was whinging and trying to get it changed to Saturday because he wants to come. It’s not even confirmed it’s happening because Freda hasn’t asked her parents.

To be honest, I feel a bit guilty about this because it’s hardly fair we use her house. I mean, she genuinely doesn’t seem to mind though. It’s just any excuse for a party with her.

I got another postcard this morning, this time from Hayley.

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I’m quite worried already about what Hayley’s reaction to the Aled situation’s going to be. I know I really shouldn’t be but it’s likely she’ll twist it in some way, especially if this party goes ahead and we get together again.

However much of a cow she’s been recently, I would kind of like to be able to talk to her bout all this. I think I could also possibly trust her to tell all the Nathan details too because I really want to tell someone.

I’m worried about Dad. He’s really hurt his back again. He was in loads of pain tonight and could hardly walk. I didn’t like seeing him like that so I had to go in another room. Mum’s taking him to the doctor tomorrow morning so hopefully he’ll do something for it.

BYE!

Thursday 4th Aled decided today that he might just skip hockey altogether so he can come to Freda’s party. I hope he does. It sounds like loads of people are going now. More than usual. I don’t know if they’re all staying though.

I’ve hired Cat as my bodyguard against Freda and Cat’s hired me to control her intake of alcohol! She doesn’t want a repeat of the Chris Kelly-Banks situation and Freda is pretending to be a lesbian again. She’s kept it going too long now. It was quite funny to start with but she’s just getting on my nerves now.

BYE!

“I can think of a way to warm them up” – 31st October 1999

Sunday 31st I remembered something else that Nathan said the other night. I was complaining that my hands were cold and he said, “I can think of a way to warm them up but I won’t say it!”

Lizzie told me that he used to be quiet too. It must have definitely been the alcohol. I’ve been dying to tell someone the details but I can’t find the right person who I can trust.

I had my hair cut by a couple of inches, layered and highlighted this afternoon at the hairdressers. I’m quite pleased with the way it’s turned out. It’ll be a complete state again by tomorrow though.

Lizzie, Cat, Karen, Oscar, Aled and I went to the cinema this evening, intending to see The Blair Witch Project but it was sold out all night. We went to see Mad Cows instead. It was on okay film but nowt happened between Aled and I which I’m a bit disappointed about. He noticed my hair was different though!

BYE!

P.S. On the way to and way back from the hairdressers, I saw one of the fit lads from kickboxing who spoke to us on Wednesday. He must live nearby because today I saw him on his bike and he walked away from the leisure centre on Wednesday.

Making his own amusement – 29th October 1999

Friday 29th I did go to Davis’s part last night and I did end up quite enjoying it. I went round to Emma’s first because she, Suzanna, Nicola Banks and I were getting a lift with Nicola’s ‘friend’ Steve. I didn’t really feel all that safe in a car with his driving. He was a bit mad but we made it to Davis’s. There were loads of people already there when we arrived, most of whom I didn’t know so I went and sat in a room with Dougie, Keira and Gethin.

After I’d had a couple of drinks, I wandered round the house a bit. I started talking to this girl called Mel who seemed alright. Last time I went to Davis’s, Nathan Holmes was there and he was there again last night. I had it in the back of my head to just go for it with him because he’s quite nice but he seemed a bit shy again and Mel kept telling me he was usually like that so I gave up on the idea.

I did start talking to Nathan when people started telling him he looked a bit like Aled Brownlee and he asked me who that was. I reassured him that he wasn’t such a bad person to look like. At this point I let it slip that I’d met [snogged] Aled on Saturday. Unfortunately, Gethin was in the room at the time so I might as well face it that everyone’ll know!

A bit later on, Nathan and Keira seemed to be getting on pretty well which, I have to say, made me quite jealous. I was glad when I walked into a room and saw Keira and this Sam lad meeting [snogging] each other. I went to where Nathan was and sat and talked to him for a while.

We ended up outside, leaning against the car, talking about Dougie and Suzanna (they’d been in a bedroom together for ages) until it got too cold so we went inside. Sam went home for a while but, even though he was coming back, Keira went back to flirting with Nathan so I went and watched TV.

Everyone seemed to be gradually pairing off and I was just beginning to think I’d be left on my own when Nathan came in. He sat down on the opposite end of the couch but reached across to offer me some of his Hooch. I took a swig and handed the bottle back. It was a slow exchange and he had his hand on mine. Then he reached across and held my hand before sliding over to my end of the seat.

We were about to meet [snog] each other but a load of people walked in so he suggested we had a look for a spare room. There was nobody in Davis’s sister’s room so we went in there. Before we did anything, Nathan and I agreed that it was just for one night, just for fun and it wasn’t going to go any further. I was fine with that because I still don’t have a clue if anything’ll happen with Aled so that way it was less complicated.

We were just lying there, snogging, when Nicola came in. She lay down between us and tried to sleep. She didn’t take the hint that we wanted her to go so we just ignored her and carried on kissing. Then Gavin and Davis came in. Davis lay on top of me and Gavin squeezed on the bed next to Nathan. This is when Nathan suggested we found somewhere else.

We went upstairs to Davis’s room and climbed onto his bed. Nathan started asking if I’d be pissed off with him in the morning but I said no and asked why. He told me he’d just had bad experiences in the past where girls had been annoyed with him. Then he’d just said it’d made him really paranoid. He kept asking me if I was okay and admitted that he wasn’t actually very experienced and that he’d never gone all the way with a girl.

At some point, Gavin walked in and sat down at a desk until we started meeting each other again then he left. Nathan had his hand on my bra which I didn’t really mind but I had to tell him to stop when he started undoing my trousers. He asked why I wouldn’t let him so I told him it was the wrong time of the month. He said that that was always the excuse and thought it was really because I didn’t like him. I swore to him I wasn’t making it up.

He shut up then and we kissed for a bit longer. He kept stopping and just looking at me sometimes and at one point he sat on me and said, “I bet you don’t mind having a lad straddling you!” I just sort of grinned. After that, he started kissing me faster and I got the impression he wanted to go a bit further than I did but nothing happened.

We got a bit bored after a bit so we went down to see what everyone else was doing. After curling up on the sofa for a while he wandered off for some toast. Keira and Davis were joking about doing a strip but they decided it was too cold so we went into Davis’s parent’s room where there was a gas fire. Nathan and Gavin came in later after talking about something (that made me a bit paranoid!) and getting Nathan’s sleeping bag off Nicola.

Nathan came and sat on the floor with me and held my hand. It got a bit uncomfortable on the floor so Gavin and Nathan went to find a room to sleep in. I followed so Gavin left us on our own again. Nathan stripped down to his boxers ready to sleep and crawled into his sleeping bag. I was shivering so he let me under it too. He’s a swimmer which probably helped him to get the nice body he has.

We just kissed a bit longer and his hand crept back up my top. I did start dozing off at one point when we were just lying there and he thought I was losing interest. Every time I started falling asleep, he kept waking me up by saying, “Tess, are you asleep?” or “Come back, Tess!” He kept humming too. Also, every so often, he kept asking me if I liked him and I told him that I wouldn’t be there if I didn’t, which was true.

I really did go tired at one point so I pretended I was asleep so I didn’t have to keep going with [snogging] him which was obviously keeping me awake. I was just lying there, pretending to be asleep and he suddenly came out with, “You’re gorgeous”. It was dark so I just smiled to myself without him realising I was still awake.

A while later, the bed started shaking and so was Nathan. I think I might have actually been asleep so I didn’t think anything of it when I first woke up, other than maybe he was cold. Then I realised what he was actually doing right next to me! I did actually have to try really hard not to laugh. He had hold of my hand still and moved it down towards his lower half. I didn’t move my hand away because he’d have known I wasn’t asleep so I rolled over a bit and rested my hand back on his stomach. Then stuff went all over my hand and sleeve. I wasn’t very impressed.

A few seconds later, Gavin, Nicola and Maz P (I think) walked in and switch the light on. Nathan, of course, had to try and cover himself up with his sleeping bag but Nicola tried to pull it off him. Luckily she was unsuccessful. We got rid of them and Nathan started mumbling about how that’d been too close. He got up and went in the bathroom and so did I to wash my hands and sleeve when he came out again.

We then snuggled back under his sleeping bag. I pretended to be asleep again when he started asking me if I liked him for about the 50th time because I couldn’t be bothered answering! It got a bit lighter outside so when I opened my eyes a bit, I could see him smiling to himself just before he whispered, “Have you got a problem with my knob?” [YES! FUCK OFF, NATHAN!] I ignored him and he said, “You don’t know how much I need a wank.” I think he was muttering it more to himself than me. He started making his own amusement again so I continued pretending to be sleeping.

He said something about having an “amazing headache” and got up and went out of the room. I didn’t see him again until I went out myself. I was watching Titanic in the living room with people and he was sat at a table on the other side of the glass doors watching it too. I turned round and we had mega long eye-contact and he smiled at me.

He left to go home before I did but I had to leave soon after him because I had a dentist appointment this morning. The only problem was that I couldn’t find my boots. I looked everywhere but I couldn’t see them. Everyone was searching and Davis eventually found them under the sofa or somewhere. I couldn’t stop thinking about Nathan [CREEEEEEEEEEEEEP!] and Aled all morning. I hope it doesn’t get too complicated.

It went fine at the dentist’s and she even said she wished her teeth were as strong as mine. I still hate going though.

I slept all afternoon until the phone calls started. Sarah rang just to chat, then Oscar rang. He was mostly going on about Lizzie but then said that Aled was thinking of asking me out. I’m not supposed to know so I’ve got to act shocked if he does! I don’t really want him to because people’ll take the piss. I know that shouldn’t matter but it does.

I spoke to Oscar again later and he added that Aled had said he liked me and wanted to know when my birthday was (he knows it’s soon) so he could wait until after it before he asks me out so he doesn’t have to buy me a present. I’d say he was a cheeky bastard but I’m not so sure I wouldn’t do the same!

Oscar also said that his parents are getting suspicious because of the amount of time he’s been on the phone to me for. They think Oscar and I’ll be going out soon. I think not! He’s too obsessed with Lizzie anyway.

Aled phoned too tonight. He wanted to know if I was going to town tomorrow night. I said no because no girls are going so it’s just Aled, Julian and Dev W, I think. I hope Aled doesn’t do too much with any girls. In fact, I hope he doesn’t do anything!

BYE!

P.S. Lizzie told me that she used to know Nathan because he used to swim with her team until he got better and moved to Warriors which is how he knows Davis, I think.

They’d probably find amusement in making me squirm! – 18th & 19th August 1999

Wednesday 18th I couldn’t stop crying last night because I was missing everyone so much in Wick. It’s horrible knowing it’s ages before I’ll see them all again. I just want Duncan to give my hand a comforting squeeze like he did when Melanie came over on Sunday night but I’m not going to get anything like that off him for a good few months.

I’m also worried that he won’t keep in touch. Abby was online tonight and Laura came on too but all they really chatted about was Ashley Ewart. We mailed Laura and told her to get Duncan to mail me but I’m not sure that he will and phoning’s too expensive and writing a letter takes time. We’ll see I suppose.

I went to see Hayley this afternoon. I told myself I wouldn’t go on and on about Scotland because she might have got jealous and gone all moody but I did… constantly. Surprisingly though, she didn’t seem to mind. I thought she might get on my nerves too because she was doing a bit before I went away but I actually found that I was quite glad to see her after all.

BYE!

Thursday 19th I went round to Hayley’s this afternoon to help her babysit her nieces. All we did was play Monopoly and we all lost to Hayley… badly! She bought Park Lane and Mayfair, put 3 houses on Park Lane and a hotel on Mayfair and we all landed on one of them on nearly every time round.

I also picked up my photographs while I was in the village. Some of them are from Belgium and some are from Wick. There are about 5 with Duncan on and he doesn’t look particularly nice on any of them.

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That doesn’t bother me because I know he looks a bit better in real life but I only showed Hayley a couple because she might not have been quite as jealous about me having a boyfriend if she’d seen what he looked like on some of the photos! Now I couldn’t have that, could I?!

Rhian phoned this evening. She said she’d not seen much of Duncan but she seemed to think I’d phoned him already because that’s what her mum told her. Great, so Auntie S knows. It’s going to be so embarrassing if she’s told my parents and then they ask me about it. I’ve actually got no idea how they’d react though. I suspect they’d probably find amusement in making me squirm!

I hope Duncan’s not getting too teased about it. He has my sympathy, having to live up there with half of Wick knowing about us. Most of them wouldn’t go out of their way not to embarrass him either!

I went to Keria’s tonight. Emma phoned me up and said she was already there and that Gethin Turner and Anthony Wiley were on their way and did I want to come. Nothing much interesting happened. We just sat there talking. By the sounds of it, nothing much interesting happened in their lives (unless they weren’t telling me some things) while I was away.

Oh, except that Maz P dumped Keira, he said because he was going on holiday but really he’s just gone off her. Gavin’s apparently madly in love with some girl called Ali but she fancies Maz. I think Nathan is still single. Oh yeah, but I’m not!

A Level results came out today. Only a week to go until I get my GCSE results. Ooh yey, can’t wait… NOT!!!

 

BYE!

Diving around our house, dangling at me – 1st August 1999

Sunday 1st I knew it! I’m probably hardly ever going to see Emma and Keira anymore now they’ve found love in Appleton. Emma just phoned me, you see, and I got all excited, thinking that maybe something interesting was happening later. No such luck. All she wanted was Keira’s phone number because she’s lost her address book and Gavin’s asked Emma to go and visit them later on.

It’s a shame Gavin’s mate Nathan Holmes wasn’t interested in me very much at Davis Nolan’s little party thing because I was curtained interested in him but then that’s just the way things always seem to work out for me!

I have suspicions about what’ll happen next now. I reckon that on Wednesday when I go up to Scotland for my holidays and Emma’s friend Suzanna comes back from hers in Germany, Emma’ll arrange to go and visit Gavin and she’ll take Suzanna along. Also at Gavin’s will be Nathan. Nathan will decide he likes Suzanna and vice versa so by the time I get home again it’ll be Emma + Gavin, Keira + Maz and Suzanna + Nathan. Everyone’ll then forget about me and I’ll be forced back into choosing whether to go out on those fun-filled nights to the Sports Club with Hayley or stay at home and watch TV.

Okay, I think that’s enough negativity for one day. Let’s change the subject…

My Grandma L has come to stay with us for a couple of days. She actually lives in Wick with my Auntie S and her family but she’s been staying with my Uncle R near Cambridge. She’s going to travel back to Wick with us on Wednesday. I’ve not seen her since Christmas so it’s nice to spend time with her.

My Grandma S who lives in Rochdale couldn’t lock her front door or something so we all, plus Mollie (our Scottie dog) went to visit her this evening and my dad sorted the door. The two Grandmas just sat and chatted and forgot things and laughed about forgetting things then forgot what they were laughing about! I love them both. They make me smile.

I’ve recently developed a fear of daddy longlegs. I’ve never been too keen on them but with the hot weather, they’re all growing to unnerving sizes and fluttering and diving around our house, dangling at me. Urgh!!

I was also dived at by a great big furry moth before. I don’t like them much either. I agree with people that they can be very beautiful but when trapped in a bathroom with one hurtling at me, I tend not to like them as much.

Loads of frogs appeared in the garden before. It has been extremely hot and dry for a few days so they probably welcomed the nice, wet, cool thunderstorms of earlier on. They were all leaping about and they varied from great big ones to the tiny froglets that only emerged a few weeks ago.

BYE!