He’s bloody well learning to snowboard – 5th February 2001

Monday 5th
8 weeks + 3 days to go!

I managed to avoid Robbie today. I did see him but didn’t look him in the eye cos I have no idea how annoyed he is with me.

After college, Jake’s dad turned up at our house. He just dropped off a book for me about Barcelona but he stayed for a drink with Mum, Dad and me in the kitchen, talking about his trip to Peru and stuff. I didn’t know he was going to call round. Maybe he feels guilty and is trying to make up for it or something!

Jake phoned at about 7:40pm. I thought he’d been shadowing an instructor all morning but it turns out he’d been snowboarding instead. He said the people who could snowboard had to teach the people who couldn’t, including him. I am extremely pissed off cos that’s dashed all my hopes of being able to ski OR snowboard with him now he can do both. It’s just not fair!

He promised me he wouldn’t do any boarding so we could both learn together because neither of us could do it. It’s just ruined it now. I love skiing and unless I want to be completely shown up by him then I can’t do that with him (and I can’t afford to go on my own and have no friends who can do it) and now he’s bloody well learning to snowboard too so he’s gonna have a head start in that too.

In fact, his exact words in an email I got on Fri 26th Jan were: “We’ll both learn to snowboard together!!! 😦 I’m not touching a board while I’m here cos the chance of killing myself increases by about 3 times!!!” I’m just so disappointed cos I really did want to do that, especially with him.

Sarah and I (plus a few others) were thinking of going and having boarding lessons at Sheffield and I didn’t tell Jake cos I thought he might get lessons himself to catch up with me. If I go now then he’s going to think I’m just doing it to copy him! 😦 I suppose I should still do it but I liked the thought of being able to do something cool that he couldn’t. Now I can’t.

I’ve been considering sending a 2nd mail to him tonight telling him all this and asking him why he hung up so quickly tonight on the phone without saying he loves me or anything but I don’t know if I should cos last time I told him how I was feeling, he got all funny with me. I think I’ll just leave it and hope he phones tomorrow night then I can tell him then instead.

Bye!

P.S. I just mailed Jake again! I tried to be nice! Hotmail seemed to be playing up a bit so I hope he can read them and send one back alright! 😦

Today’s emails →

05-02-01 Jake email05-02-01 Tess email 105-02-01 Tess email 2

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He took it all completely the wrong way – 25th January 2001

Thursday 25th
10 weeks to go!

I read Jake’s email almost as soon as I got up this morning cos I had an open day at Leeds Uni and so didn’t go to college. It really upset me to think that I upset him cos I really didn’t intend to do that! I just wanted to let him know how I felt last night, that’s all! It obviously backfired and he took it all completely the wrong way.

Leeds Uni isn’t bad at all but they want BCC for my grades and the accommodation’s not a patch on Hudderfield’s. It didn’t have the right feel about it either. Huddersfield did. I think cos it’s a bit smaller. It’s not a sandwich course either but a few students get to study either in Canada or do a year’s work placement. I’ll stick with Huddersfield for now, I think.

It took us ages to get home cos Dad spent an hour and a half looking for a McDonald’s then there were loads of traffic jams and then we stopped to visit Grandma S. She seemed okay! 🙂

When I did get in, some student from Central Lancashire phoned to ask if I had any questions about it. That would’ve been quite handy if I’d wanted to know anything. They must be doing it to everyone who’s applied cos I could hear other people in the background.

At about 7:45pm, I had the nice surprise of Jake phoning. Mum said he’d tried earlier but I wasn’t home. I was sooo pleased he phoned cos I’d been longing to speak to him all day to sort things out but I didn’t think I’d be able to. He said he found a phone where he’s skiing which he says is good for when I’m not in earlier for some reason. I said sorry for everything and he apologised too. It wasn’t a very long call but it was better than nothing and has made me feel a bit happier! 🙂

Bye!

Today’s emails →

25-01-01 Jake email25-01-01 Tess email

She’s wasting perfectly good chances with lads – 22nd January 2001

Monday 22nd
10 weeks + 3 days to go!

I saw 2 camels at lunchtime! It was very strange! Karen, Sarah, Lizzie, Freda and I were on our way to McDonald’s when we saw them on a patch of grass outside some offices! There was a big truck on the car park so perhaps their owners had stopped off to feed them or something. We drove past 4 times to check we weren’t seeing things!

My voice went almost completely today! I think it’s partly cos I was coughing and shouting at Sarah to get over Maz! He’s not got in contact with her for over 2 weeks but she reckons he will soon. I don’t! She’s wasting perfectly good chances with lads for someone she’s seen about 3 times!

Jake phoned quite early tonight and my voice was still funny but he said it sounds nice! We were on the phone for ages tonight but didn’t really say much! He kept telling me he’s missing me and he wants to come home but that really is difficult to believe.

I told him about College 1s being the latest fashion accessory and I told him that I want one (I was joking!) to keep me going! He didn’t like that idea! At one particularly depressing moment, we both went quiet and then I heard the words, “I love you” from him out of nowhere. It was sooo nice to hear! I really am missing him now! 😦

Bye!

Today’s emails →

22-01-01 Jake email22-01-01 Tess email

What if someone gets the wrong idea?! – 20th January 2001

Saturday 20th
10 weeks + 5 days to go!

I’ve spent most of today staring at either my Biology coursework or my Geography revision cos I just can’t do them! It’s not so much through not being able to concentrate, it’s more because I’ve gone a bit thick! I can’t get my head round any of it! 😦

I was very glad of the distraction when Jake phoned me this afternoon! We were on the phone for ages but didn’t seem to say all that much! I had more to tell him than he had to tell me. He seemed concerned about Sarah’s car crash and the fact that I’m getting sick of feeling single! I hope he doesn’t feel the same way. I really do need a cuddle and stuff and watching all my friend finding lads isn’t helping in the slightest.

I explained to him how I’d feel guilty doing anything with him in front of people now I’ve been reminded of what it feels like to be on your own. I think I worried him by saying that cos he probably thinks I’m going to keep well out of his way now. I wouldn’t be able to though! It’s when I keep seeing people like Lizzie and Declan kissing and cuddling and touching each other that I realise how much I miss Jake. I want him back!

This is actually worse than when I was single because then there was always the hope that something might happen with me and someone, and if it did, I could allow it. I can’t do that now, not that I want anyone else though. Plus there’s the fact that I didn’t really have the experience of being in a long term relationship before so I couldn’t miss something that I’d never had.

Jake told me that it’s his roommate’s 18th birthday tomorrow which means they’re probably all going to get very pissed! I really hope Jake doesn’t cos if he gets like he did on the last Friday before he left then he’ll probably go round hugging and kissing people! What if someone gets the wrong idea?! He’s be in no fit state to say no!

Bye

Today’s emails →

20-01-01 Jake email

20-01-01 Tess email

Sick of having to watch other people snogging! – 19th January 2001

Friday 19th
10 weeks + 6 days to go!

Sarah, Floyd and I had a bit of a scare today. Sarah decided she’d drive us to McDonald’s for lunch but just before the TSB, she crashed the car. Another car in front was turning left and Sarah just didn’t stop in time. We were all okay and the bloke in the other car was fine about it because his car wasn’t damaged at all. Sarah’s, however, was a bit of a mess. There are bits of her car all over the road now! She just got really upset cos she thought her mum was going to kill her. She didn’t! She was more concerned about Sarah.

Tonight, a large group of us did The Run [a pub crawl] again. It was good, as usual! We all got a bit pissed and Karen and this lad called Rory out of College 1 got together, and Sarah and Drew (another College 1) almost got together but then he was sick and she started to feel guilty cos of Maz. I reckon something will happen sometime soon!

I mainly hung round with Cat and Suzie Bryan cos we didn’t want to go in The Green Dragon so we stayed in The Mossland for a bit longer to eat chips and lemon chicken from the Chinese. The chicken tasted and smelled like it’d been cooked in disinfectant but we were pissed and hungry so we ate it anyway!

Paul Nutt was in The Mossland too. He used to stalk me but he just sat in the corner looking creepy tonight!

We made it to The Coach and Horses, even though Suzie, Cat and I took a detour through a few fields including the school one cos we were feeling very single and were sick of having to watch other people snogging!

Cat got told tonight that Mr L asked some College 1 girl (Donna Sharpe) to go round to his house. He asked Cat too but she said no. He might be fit but he’s a proper bastard!

We all went back to Declan’s house afterwards. He lives at 74 Hall Drive and his house is sooo nice!

Run - Tess & Cat stuck in chair

[Cat and I stuck in a chair at Declan’s]

Bye!

P.S. I like the new group of friends that we’ve mixed with!

Jake’s email →

19-01-01 Jake email

My reply →

19-01-01 Tess email

I feel a bit stupid for worrying so much – 18th January 2001

Thursday 18th
11 weeks to go!

I was just worrying to Mum about Jake when I was eating my breakfast this morning when the phone rang. It was 7:30am and it was Jake! 🙂 He said his alarm hadn’t gone off yesterday morning so he would’ve missed the bus if he’d have phoned me. He also explained that his email is not very long because the café shut an hour earlier than normal. It was very early in the morning there but he said nobody goes to bed early so it doesn’t matter if he phoned so early! 🙂

I’m sooo relieved he’s okay but I feel a bit stupid for worrying so much now! I’ve relaxed a lot more now cos I’d worked myself up into a right state! I’d have been happy to see he’d sent me a mail too if he hadn’t phoned this morning. 🙂

Bye!

Jake’s email →

18-01-01 Jake email

My reply →

18-01-01 Tess email

I keep trying to think positive – 17th January 2001

Wednesday 17th
11 weeks + 1 days to go!

I got told today that MiniTaylor is actually seeing Emma now. That’s a bit weird!

I’m really, really worried again. Jake hasn’t phoned tonight at all. There’s all sorts of things racing round my mind that could’ve happened to him. He said if he couldn’t phone he’d let me know why so I didn’t worry but he hasn’t left any messages or anything so I’m very worried now!

I just don’t know what I’m going to do if I never see him again. I love him sooo much and I just can’t imagine life without him or being with anyone else. The thought just makes me feel so sick and I’ve got a constant lump in my throat. I don’t know what to do with myself. I can’t concentrate on any work so I’ve no idea how I’m going to pass my Geography exam next week or get my Biology coursework in on Monday!

I keep trying to think positive cos he might well have got up late or not been able to get another phone card or that the phone might be being used. I’m trying to convince myself that I’ll have an email tomorrow morning but I don’t think I’ll be able to bring myself to look because if I haven’t got one I know I’ll be panicking even more.

I can’t stand this! It’s just not like him cos if he says he’s going to do something, he usually does.

This is awful! I hate not knowing! But then I don’t want to hear anything bad’s happened to him. Ohh, I can’t think straight! 😦

I’ve been trying to take comfort from the fact that I felt like this on Saturday and he did eventually phone me but this time he hasn’t phoned me at all so I’m very worried. I’m absolutely dreading checking my emails in college tomorrow morning just in case I haven’t got one from Jake.

I can’t think of any reasons why he can’t phone me OR email me unless something is really wrong. [Perhaps because I was being a massive anxious pain and he was in the pub?] He even said on his last email that he’d speak to me today.

I suppose I’d better try and get some sleep.

Bye!

P.S. Jake’s email this morning →

17-01-01 Jake email

My reply →

17-01-01 Tess email