Mum’s just told me I should stop “wallowing in self-pity” – 27th January 2001

Saturday 27th
9 weeks + 5 days to go!

Surprisingly, I haven’t really done much today! That was a sarcastic comment, just in case you hadn’t realised. What the hell did I do at the weekend before I met Jake?!

He didn’t really have much to say on the phone and neither did I so we started talking about our potential holiday to Barcelona with each other plus Cat and Sarah. I found out the flight would be £95 return if we book soon which sounds quite cheap.

I told Sarah and Cat, and Cat was fine about it but Sarah started going on about her parents going away and them not wanting the house to be empty. She’s been saying that every time I’ve mentioned Barcelona but still saying she wants to come.

I then started thinking that if she’d gone away with her parents then the house would’ve been empty anyway. The more I thought about it, the more it sounded like an excuse she could use, just in case she decided she didn’t want to come after all.

So, I sent Sarah a text, pretty much saying that and asking if I was along the right lines. She sent one back saying she can’t come cos she can’t afford it. I mean, fair enough, she might need to save up for uni and stuff but she could’ve told us sooner, before we started to look forward to it cos she must’ve known for a while she wasn’t going to come.

She probably didn’t want to say cos she thought I’d be pissed off or something. Okay, I am a bit but it’s more disappointment than anything else. She can tell Cat, I don’t see why I should have to. At least it wasn’t booked.

Jake and I did discuss on the phone today what we’d do if someone dropped out (cos Cat and Sarah aren’t going to go without someone else cos they’d be stuck with me and Jake!) cos we can’t find anyone else who’ll come cos everyone’s already booked stuff. He suggested just going to Barcelona for a few days and then going to Dublin or somewhere for a weekend after it.

I do like that idea but I did kind of want to go away with a group like in London cos it’s fun when there’s a few people. I also feel a bit funny about going on holiday with just my boyfriend (even though my mum said I am old enough to do that) cos it seems a bit dodgy to other people and they’ll just think we’re going away to have sex all the time. I don’t want people to think that about us.

My mum’s just told me I should stop “wallowing in self-pity” and take notice of other people’s problems too! I mentioned once, maybe twice, that I was disappointed about Barcelona so I hardly call that wallowing! As for noticing other people’s problems, erm… I could’ve sworn that’s all I’ve been doing for the last few weeks! I’ve been quite proud of the fact that I’ve not moaned at anyone myself actually!

Bye!

Today’s emails →

27-01-01 Jake email27-01-01 Tess email 127-01-01 Tess email 2

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Rory ended up cuffed to a fence – 26th January 2001

Friday 26th
9 weeks + 6 days to go!

College was boring today this morning so I didn’t mind having to go to John Moore’s Uni later on, even if it was during my free periods. My Sports Studies group all had to go and use the library there for research to help with our coursework but, cos Miss P’s a thick bitch and forgot to check beforehand if she could take us, she left it too late and wasn’t allowed so we had to make our own way there. Rachael Hollins and Tanya Potter were driving but all we had to go by were some crappy directions that Miss P wrote down so we ended up getting completely lost!

When we finally found it, nobody really knew what sort of stuff we needed to research cos there was no teacher with us. We just made use of the rip-off photocopiers (7p per sheet!) and went to find a chippy and then came home!

Jake phoned me at the normal time (about 4:30ish) today but, again, didn’t really have much to tell me! I think I prefer that cos if he was going on for ages about what a good time he’s having then I’d just get really jealous and worry he won’t want to come home. Hang on, I’m doing that already!

A load of us did The Run [a pub crawl] again tonight and, again, it was quite good! I stuck with Cat and Suzie mainly, like I did last week cos everyone else seemed to be pairing off.

Karen looked like such a whore! She was wearing her dog collar (as in one from a pet shop, not the church kind!) and brought her whip and handcuffs too! Rory ended up cuffed to a fence with Karen cracking her whip near him!

Run - Karen in control

Other stuff happened but I’ve mentioned it all in the 2nd email to Jake. [See the emails after my daily ‘Bye!’]

Sarah was following Gethin round like a little sheep again. That worries me cos I don’t want her fancying him again just because she’s FINALLY decided to give up on Maz. She needs to find a lad who lives around here and who isn’t gay!

Cat needs to find a lad that’s a bit similar to our age and who isn’t a teacher!

I know all that’s easier said than done though! Good relationships always seem like something that happens to other people when you’re single too! Before I met Jake, I thought I was never going to find anyone and even now I still can’t quite believe that I did! I tell that to people like Sarah and Cat [yet they shockingly didn’t punch my smug little face] but they still think there’s no way it’ll happen to them. I hope it does!

I still don’t feel all that lucky at the moment cos Jake’s away but everyone keeps saying I should just be glad I’ve got someone, even if he’s not in the same country. I am really but it’s still in the back of my mind that something bad could happen to him and I’ll never see him again. I know that’s really negative but I can’t help it!

I miss him sooooo much!!!

Bye!

Today’s emails →

26-01-01 Jake email26-01-01 Tess email pre-drink26-01-01 Tess email drunk

He took it all completely the wrong way – 25th January 2001

Thursday 25th
10 weeks to go!

I read Jake’s email almost as soon as I got up this morning cos I had an open day at Leeds Uni and so didn’t go to college. It really upset me to think that I upset him cos I really didn’t intend to do that! I just wanted to let him know how I felt last night, that’s all! It obviously backfired and he took it all completely the wrong way.

Leeds Uni isn’t bad at all but they want BCC for my grades and the accommodation’s not a patch on Hudderfield’s. It didn’t have the right feel about it either. Huddersfield did. I think cos it’s a bit smaller. It’s not a sandwich course either but a few students get to study either in Canada or do a year’s work placement. I’ll stick with Huddersfield for now, I think.

It took us ages to get home cos Dad spent an hour and a half looking for a McDonald’s then there were loads of traffic jams and then we stopped to visit Grandma S. She seemed okay! 🙂

When I did get in, some student from Central Lancashire phoned to ask if I had any questions about it. That would’ve been quite handy if I’d wanted to know anything. They must be doing it to everyone who’s applied cos I could hear other people in the background.

At about 7:45pm, I had the nice surprise of Jake phoning. Mum said he’d tried earlier but I wasn’t home. I was sooo pleased he phoned cos I’d been longing to speak to him all day to sort things out but I didn’t think I’d be able to. He said he found a phone where he’s skiing which he says is good for when I’m not in earlier for some reason. I said sorry for everything and he apologised too. It wasn’t a very long call but it was better than nothing and has made me feel a bit happier! 🙂

Bye!

Today’s emails →

25-01-01 Jake email25-01-01 Tess email

I shouldn’t be jealous of my own boyfriend – 24th January 2001

Wednesday 24th
10 weeks + 1 days to go!

I had a pretty boring day today so I spent most of my day either doing coursework in free lessons or on the internet looking at www.ifyouski.com cos Jake mentioned it in his email. It was a bit crap actually (Rob’s bit) and it took me ages to find!

I also looked up skiing in Sheffield cos I’ve decided I want to learn how to snowboard so I can do that if he wants to ski! Okay, I’m jealous that he’s going to be a really good skier and I won’t be! I know I shouldn’t be jealous of my own boyfriend and I can do things like kickboxing and read music but I love skiing!

I really want to go again one day but he’d be unbearable with telling me what to do and stuff so if I could snowboard then I could still go but he couldn’t tell me what to do cos he’s no expert! Mind you, knowing him he’ll do that as well!

Tess snowboarding

[Fast-forward a few years…]

When he phoned today, he told me that when he was eating his breakfast that Amazed song by Lonestar came on! [Vom.] It reminds him of me cos he says the words describe exactly how he feels about me! 🙂 It’s weird though cos the last 3 times I’ve been in McDonald’s it’s come on too!

Bye!

Today’s emails →

24-01-01 Jake email24-01-01 Tess email

 

She’s wasting perfectly good chances with lads – 22nd January 2001

Monday 22nd
10 weeks + 3 days to go!

I saw 2 camels at lunchtime! It was very strange! Karen, Sarah, Lizzie, Freda and I were on our way to McDonald’s when we saw them on a patch of grass outside some offices! There was a big truck on the car park so perhaps their owners had stopped off to feed them or something. We drove past 4 times to check we weren’t seeing things!

My voice went almost completely today! I think it’s partly cos I was coughing and shouting at Sarah to get over Maz! He’s not got in contact with her for over 2 weeks but she reckons he will soon. I don’t! She’s wasting perfectly good chances with lads for someone she’s seen about 3 times!

Jake phoned quite early tonight and my voice was still funny but he said it sounds nice! We were on the phone for ages tonight but didn’t really say much! He kept telling me he’s missing me and he wants to come home but that really is difficult to believe.

I told him about College 1s being the latest fashion accessory and I told him that I want one (I was joking!) to keep me going! He didn’t like that idea! At one particularly depressing moment, we both went quiet and then I heard the words, “I love you” from him out of nowhere. It was sooo nice to hear! I really am missing him now! 😦

Bye!

Today’s emails →

22-01-01 Jake email22-01-01 Tess email

He’s worried I’m going to run off with someone – 21st January 2001

Sunday 21st
10 weeks + 4 days to go!

This diary’s getting a bit full with all these emails now! I’d only lose them otherwise and I don’t mind getting lots anyway!

I’ve spent another day getting nowhere with my Geography revision and Biology coursework again! Oh well, I’ll just have to fail! No, I don’t really want to do that! 😦

I was just beginning to think Jake wasn’t going to ring tonight but then he did at about 5:20. 🙂 He didn’t have much to tell me again other than it’s not snowed there (it did here this morning though!) and that it’s only -2oC when it should be -30oC at this time of year. He said it starts to warm up in February so with any luck all the snow will melt and he’ll have to come home! No that’s mean, he’d only be miserable anyway!

He also told me that one of the girls there had her drink spiked and she collapsed and then stopped breathing in the police car. Scary! He says she’s in hospital but she’s okay now.

He was saying that he misses me and stuff and that he doesn’t like me saying that I feel single. I think he’s worried I’m going to run off with someone cos apparently one of the girls there has been going out with someone for 2 years but has started something else with one of the lads there.

He told me that he and his roommate were discussing what they’d do if me or Rob’s girlfriend ran off with someone else. Charming!

I think I’ve got the cold he had before he went and he said he wishes was here cos I sound really sweet with a cold!

Bye!

Today’s emails →

21-01-01 Jake email21-01-01 Tess email

What if someone gets the wrong idea?! – 20th January 2001

Saturday 20th
10 weeks + 5 days to go!

I’ve spent most of today staring at either my Biology coursework or my Geography revision cos I just can’t do them! It’s not so much through not being able to concentrate, it’s more because I’ve gone a bit thick! I can’t get my head round any of it! 😦

I was very glad of the distraction when Jake phoned me this afternoon! We were on the phone for ages but didn’t seem to say all that much! I had more to tell him than he had to tell me. He seemed concerned about Sarah’s car crash and the fact that I’m getting sick of feeling single! I hope he doesn’t feel the same way. I really do need a cuddle and stuff and watching all my friend finding lads isn’t helping in the slightest.

I explained to him how I’d feel guilty doing anything with him in front of people now I’ve been reminded of what it feels like to be on your own. I think I worried him by saying that cos he probably thinks I’m going to keep well out of his way now. I wouldn’t be able to though! It’s when I keep seeing people like Lizzie and Declan kissing and cuddling and touching each other that I realise how much I miss Jake. I want him back!

This is actually worse than when I was single because then there was always the hope that something might happen with me and someone, and if it did, I could allow it. I can’t do that now, not that I want anyone else though. Plus there’s the fact that I didn’t really have the experience of being in a long term relationship before so I couldn’t miss something that I’d never had.

Jake told me that it’s his roommate’s 18th birthday tomorrow which means they’re probably all going to get very pissed! I really hope Jake doesn’t cos if he gets like he did on the last Friday before he left then he’ll probably go round hugging and kissing people! What if someone gets the wrong idea?! He’s be in no fit state to say no!

Bye

Today’s emails →

20-01-01 Jake email

20-01-01 Tess email