I’m doomed! – 11th June 2001

Monday 11th My driving instructor turned up half an hour early today but luckily I was ready unlike once before. It was quite good today I thought and my instructor said so too. He said I’m much more relaxed and the only things I need to think about doing is checking my mirrors before taking my foot off the accelerator and moving over to the left of the road before turning left at a junction or something. Nothing major anyway.

I did some bay parking at the test centre which was okay after a couple of attempts. He said I got it right the first time I did it which is very unusual. Then I was doing about complex junctions and I think he took me to some but I didn’t really notice cos I’ve been round Warrington loads before. My knee was extremely painful though and I had to get out of the car at one point to straighten my leg.

I can’t revise! I’m a bit worried about the last 4 exams I’ve got to do actually. The biology Health and Disease topic is hard and I don’t really understand it, the geography Managing Human Environments is extremely boring so I can’t take it in and then the 2 sports studies papers are both next week and I haven’t revised for any of it yet and there’s LOADS of it. 😦 I’m doomed!

I really can’t wait until my exams are over but I’ve got my next driving lesson the day after so I’d better not drink too much. Grrr!

Jake came round this evening but we had nothing to do so we decided to go to the cinema at the Trafford Centre. Due to the fact he won’t have a car, apparently his dad has said he’ll pay for taxis etc. so that’s how we got there and back.

We had a total headcase driving us there. He seemed to think he was an Italian Jim Carrey or something and wouldn’t stop talking complete bollocks all the way there. Jake said he’s had him before but perhaps due to alcohol he doesn’t remember the guy being quite so mental last time.

We ended up seeing Get Over It and it was better than we expected. We also tested out some Ben & Jerry’s ice creams which were all very nice. Mmm!


I shouldn’t have mentioned Canada – 9th June 2001

Saturday 9th Well, Jake certainly made sure I felt guilty about everything I said about Suzanna/Canada. I phoned him and apologised again but we got into a bit of an argument because he said I always make him feel as if things out of his control are his fault. So, obviously I defended myself and basically said I didn’t.

We ended up talking on MSN messenger on the internet and got onto the subject of his mum. He said I shouldn’t have mentioned Canada yesterday (I know!) and started saying how he didn’t tell me why he was so upset at the time cos he doesn’t feel like he can talk to me about it because I never ask him about it.

Well, that really insulted me and I made sure I pointed out the fact that he said last year (and so did Hugo) that he didn’t like talking about it. I was hardly going to bring it up and risk saying the wrong thing and upsetting him, especially if he didn’t like speaking about it.

I got cut off MSN mid-argument so I ended up phoning him again. He was crying and so was I and after hanging up on me once, I rang again and we sorted it out. He apologised for not telling me stuff and I apologised for what I said last night. We’re friends again now which is a good thing cos we’re both staying at Lizzie’s house tonight. I’ll report back on that tomorrow though.


I don’t want him to run off with someone who has got legs! – 8th June 2001

Friday 8th Jake phoned me this afternoon to tell me that he, his brother and his dad had been looking for cars this morning. They’ve found a sort of metallic yellow (yuck!) Fiat Punto at some place in Warrington and his brother was going back to test drive it at some point today. Jake says it’s a really nice one so hopefully they’ll get it.

However, when he got to my house later on, Jake was less pleased cos it’ll be really expensive to insure him and his bro on it so he might not be allowed to drive it because he’s going to be at uni in a few months’ time. He’s just going to have to wait and see. He wants his Beetle back most though. That’d be cool!

A few of us including Michael Amhurst did The Run pub crawl tonight. Cat told me something in The Woodman which I’d probably have been better off not hearing. Someone’s dog was sniffing round Jake when he was at the bar and Cat said, “He seems to attract dogs, doesn’t he?!” She meant that literally cos her dog also took quite a fancy to him but she realised it could’ve sounded a bit insulting towards me. I laughed and said, “Well, he did attract Zoe!” I named a few others that liked him as well and then Cat said, “Ooh and Suzanna” when I’d finished the list.

Suzanna is a friend of Emma’s and she’s well known for her slapperish tendencies but many lads so seem to think she’s nice looking. Cat obviously assumed I knew about the Suzanna thing but I didn’t so she told me.

Apparently when Suzanna came on The Run with us a while ago she wasn’t with her boyfriend and she started saying to Emma how nice she thought Jake was. Emma told her that she’d better not dare flirt with him cos she was obviously intending to. What really pisses me off is that I was sat next to him and it’s obvious we’re a couple. Who knows what she’d have tried if Emma and I hadn’t been there. Bitch!

I trust Jake not to do anything but I still don’t like the fact that everyone seems to fancy him. It never happens the other way round. Cat and Sarah said I should be flattered that so many people fancy him but it just worries me. I’m so scared that one day someone will like him and will eventually get him to like her back and he’ll gradually go off me and I’ll lose him.

The thing is that (even if he won’t admit it) he could have pretty much anyone and that makes me feel really insecure cos there’s probably so many people better than me.

He also said (when I asked him!) that if my legs fell off or something he wouldn’t like me quite as much. What if that happens now?! I don’t want him to run off with someone who has got legs!

Anyway, when I got back to mine with Jake he realised I was being quiet and I eventually told him about Suzanna. He couldn’t stop smiling. It’s probably just cos he’s flattered like anyone would be but I didn’t like it. I told him my worry that he might find someone he likes more than me and he said that I don’t have to worry because he loves me and doesn’t ever want anyone else. Good! 🙂

I still wasn’t feeling particularly happy though because I don’t like loads of people fancying him and no-one even looking twice at me. I mean, I don’t want him to look any different cos he’s really nice but people still obviously want to go for him even though they know he’s got a girlfriend. Grrr!! I don’t like the thought of people thinking about him like that cos he’s MINE!!

So, I told him some stuff like that to try and explain what was up with me and I could just see his head expanding. He didn’t mean it though and did seem to understand but I suppose he can’t help it.

I can just imagine people seeing us and thinking, “Urgh! How did dhe get him?!” I think that about people (mean, I know!) so I’m sure others think it too. Maybe they don’t, I don’t know. I’m probably just putting myself down too much but it doesn’t half lower my self-esteem hearing loads of people fancy him and he can’t say, “Well, such and such likes you so you can’t complain!” or anything. Oh well.

The subject of skiing got mentioned too and I commented how I could never afford to do anything like that. He was already pissed off about the Suzanna thing cos he said it upsets him to see me upset and then he just burst into tears. I didn’t mean to upset him but some really evil streak in me was quite pleased because I wasn’t particularly upset and he was and I thought I must have bothered him so he must care.

Then I realised why he was probably sooo upset. It’s a year ago today when his mum died. I did know because it’s hardly the sort of thing to forget cos it was awful at the time but I really should’ve watched what I said, especially about skiing because she wanted him to go. I feel so guilty now. He did calm down after a hug but I felt so bad.

He didn’t actually say that’s what was wrong until he got home and sent me a text message explaining that’s why he got so upset but said I shouldn’t feel bad about it. But I do.


William Hague looks like a foetus and I like yellow – 7th June 2001

Thursday 7th I went to the hairdresser today just for a haircut. I’m quite pleased with it actually. I had it layered again and it’s about shoulder length which is just about right. It doesn’t feel quite so much of a mess now!


[Post-haircut. Remember those?!]

I voted for the first time today. I had to go to the Scout hut in the middle of the village to do it and I met Jake getting off the bus on my way so he walked down with me and Mum.

I have never really followed politics and stuff before but I’ve been paying attention over the last few days (even though I haven’t understood it all) cos I wasn’t going to not vote after lots of women chained themselves to things etc. in the past.

I didn’t have a clue who to vote for until yesterday when I decided on the Liberal Democrats. That Charles Kennedy bloke just put things simply when he was speaking, saying how if we want the same, vote Labour, if we want worse, vote Conservative, and if we want better, vote Lib Dem. Plus they said stuff about abolishing uni fees and stuff.

I mean, I know they won’t get in so it probably won’t make much difference but there are a few other reasons I decided to vote for them. These are that Tony Blair’s a bit smarmy and I had a dream last night that his wife turned scally and came after me cos I lamped Johnny Doherty who she was friends with! William Hague looks like a foetus (Mr S’s words but true!), and I like yellow!

So, that’s who I voted for – Liberal Democrats.

Sarah said she would’ve voted for them too but discovered she’s not on the electoral role thing.

I had to vote for parish council too. I didn’t have a clue so I put Lib Dem again. Mum told me afterwards that she’s a governor at her primary school.

My sister’s bloody well gone out and bought the same white top as me. She knew I’d got it too. I’m so pissed off cos I really like that top and she’d kill me if it was the other way round.

She’s been horrible all day actually. She left a mess in the kitchen and tried to blame it on me when Mum got annoyed. She’s been stomping round since then. She’s been going out with Connor a year today and I think he’s still scared of her. I don’t blame him!

Jake told me he’s going to work in an architect’s office for a month over July and August for experience. It’s on Deansgate in Manchester but he can’t remember the name. Apparently they want to train him up. At least I’ll know what he’s up to while I’m in Germany and Scotland anyway. He’s promised not to run off with any secretaries or anything. I should hope not!

I was feeling a bit fed up before but I don’t really know why. Maybe it’s exam stress.

My right knee’s been pretty stiff and painful for about a week now. It feels like it did after skiing but I haven’t really done all that much. Hmm.


I found a whole new thing to worry about. Geography. – 6th June 2001

Wednesday 6th Now I’ve got those 3 biology exams over with I was pretty pleased but this morning I found a whole new thing to worry about. Geography.

I was sorting out my geography folder and suddenly realised exactly how much I’m going to have to revise. The trouble is that between the time I was taught it and now, I’ve forgotten everything and therefore will have to revise all of it properly. What doesn’t help is the fact that I didn’t understand any of it in the first place! I’ve only got until next Friday to learn and understand it all, plus a Health & Disease topic for biology, the exam I have also got next Friday. I am so buggered!

Had to go to the dentist today but instead of dreading it (even though my teeth are fine), I actually didn’t mind going because it meant a break from panic revision.

I saw Jake this evening. We didn’t do much really because it’s started raining and there aren’t any buses that go anywhere interesting cheaply and the football was on. England beat Greece 2-0. Yey! The Greek team had loads of really good names though compared to our lot!

Hah! My sister’s boyfriend got his car back (after crashing it) today but it’s come back with the wrong registration number on the front. A 6 has been replaced by an 8 so it’s got to go back in to be changed tomorrow before Connor gets arrested or something!


It wasn’t too bad in isolation – 5th June 2001

Tuesday 5th I was actually quite pleasantly surprised by the Ecology & Physiology resit biology papers today but the Continuity of Life paper (which I haven’t got any form of grade in and need to) was a bit of a disaster. I revised it pretty hard but nothing from my notes seemed to fit in as the answers to the questions. Bollocks! I really need a grade.

I had bloody Cat sat next to me moaning cos she thought she’s going to get a B. Stupid cow! There’s the rest of us who’ll be ecstatic if we get a D and she’s going to probably throw herself off college of she doesn’t get the top grade! Grrr!

I only had Physiology this morning which was an hour and half long so I had to sit in isolation with Rachael Hollins for 2 and a half hours to stop us talking to people who had it in the afternoon. You’d have thought the exam board would realise people do resits and not put 4 biology exams in one afternoon.

It wasn’t too bad in isolation. We just sat and talked and slagged off twisted bitch Hayley and ate. It was a bit boring after a while though but at least I wasn’t on my own.

Yey! Robbie Taylor passed his driving test today with only 4 minor faults. That means they’re getting a car on Sunday.

I went in the new college block after my exam. It’s really hot and white and smells new. It’s really ugly from the outside but quite nice inside.

I met Jake at about 4:30 outside college and we walked back to my house. We didn’t do all that much except watch TV and cuddle. Mmm! 🙂


Crap, crap, crap! – 4th June 2001

Monday 4th AAARRGGHHH!!!!! I’ve got one day (ONE DAY!!!) to go until 3 biology exams. No actually, it’s not even a day because they’re all tomorrow. Crap, crap, crap! I know nothing! I’ve been staring at my notes but none of the info is sticking in my brain. This is not good.

My problem is that I don’t panic about exams (until the day before when my brain is void of all biology) so I don’t revise until the last minute. Shit. I’m never going to pass.

I’ve worked out that from the 4 modules I’ve already done (2 of which I’m resitting tomorrow), I’ve got  marks which means I’ve already got an N (i.e. I’ve got no grade but almost an E → N = Near miss). So, to get an E I need 28 marks out of the 2 modules I’ve not done yet. However, I really need a D or more to get the 14 points I need to get into uni but for a D I need 88 marks. Not going to happen.

If I get an E in biology, I could really do with a B in geography but to get that I need 114 marks from the modules this summer. Ha ha!! No chance!

Oh God! I’m going to end up getting stuck working in Little Chef or something with Mr L. Nooooooo!!!

Abby had a maths tutoring thing near Birchwood at 5:15pm so Mum dropped me, Mollie and Jake off for a walk round Risley Moss (I’ve not been there since I did orienteering at GCSE for P.E.!). We saw rabbits which Mollie took great pleasure in chasing and a jay. It was really nice actually cos there was nobody there. We went into the big tower bird hide thing and Mollie came too. I didn’t even realise the area of land it looks over existed. There aren’t many places round Birchwood now that don’t have rabbit warren-style housing estates and business parks on them actually.


[I was back at Risley Moss for a work day in February this year…]

Risley Moss

Hate biology. Brain gone numb. – 2nd & 3rd June 2001

Saturday 2nd Jake and I went to see Captain Corelli’s Mandolin at the Trafford Centre cinema this evening. It was a good film, I just don’t like seeing people getting shot/hanged cos it’s pretty realistic and I like to think (even though it’s not true) that things like that don’t happen cos it upsets me.

The worry of who we’ll be sharing a flat thing with at uni came up today. Well, actually it was more me worrying about who Jake’ll be sharing with really. He’s decided he doesn’t want to share with all lads which obviously means girls will be involved. It wouldn’t be as bad if he wasn’t so damn good looking but he is and girls ALWAYS fancy him.

I’m just so scared that one day he’ll find someone who he prefers to me and she likes him too. I trust him but I don’t trust other girls not to try anything on. I don’t like the thought of other girls liking him. I mean, even some of my mates have openly admitted that they either fancy or fancied him at some point.

He doesn’t really have to worry about lads queuing up for me though cos I don’t exactly stand out as much as he does.

Ugh, it’s ages away yet. I’ll worry about it nearer the time!


Sunday 3rd Ugh. Revision overload. Hate biology. Brain gone numb. Never going to get a grade.

I went to the pub with Jake, Connor and Abby tonight for a game of pool. We went to The George in Denny’s village so Denny and Nigel Groves were in there too. I talked to Denny for a bit then nearly fell asleep due to brain numbness.

I asked for a pint of diesel but instead I got a little glass of bright pink stuff with a slice of lemon and ice. Couldn’t be bothered complaining so I drank it. God knows what it was though!


So miserable and short – 1st June 2001

Friday 1st A few of us did The Run tonight but it wasn’t very interesting really. It was still good though.

Emma’s trying to organise a camping trip in July for 2 weeks. Jake and I might possibly be able to go for the 2nd weekend when we get back from Barcelona but nothing’s definite yet.

Emma told me and Jake that we’re a good sort of couple to be around because we don’t make people around us feel uncomfortable. That’s good to hear cos I sometimes worry that people are wishing they were elsewhere when we’re together. I suppose we’re not constantly snogging and stuff in front of people though.

We’ve all decided we don’t like the people who run The Mossland. They’re very miserable and chuck us out as soon as last orders is done. My dad told me most people take the piss out of them due to them being so miserable and short! 🙂

I found out that Gethin and Nell are a couple! This is likely to confuse many people cos Nell’s a lesbian and Gethin’s gay and they’ve both been very open about these facts recently. It must be either for attention seeking purposes (not surprising as Gethin’s involved) or a wind up. Hmm.


My mum is so top! – 29th & 31st May 2001

Tuesday 29th Ooh! Sarah phoned me this afternoon saying Michael went round to hers this morning to say goodbye before he went home. While he was there he told her he was thinking of getting a last minute fight to Portugal for a week in the summer. He then said, “Will you come with me?” to her and she said yes! She seems quite excited but she is a bit worried that it could be a bit awkward. I told her that it might not be so bad by then though cos they should see quite a bit of each other after exams.

She said he was showing her pictures of the villa his family have in Portugal and she says it’s really nice. He showed her piccys of his house too which she seemed pretty impressed with due to its size!

Aah, I think they make a really nice couple. I hope it lasts. I’d quite like one of my friends to have a proper boyfriend actually. Not only would it stop her whinging about not having one but maybe they’d be more understanding and not make me feel so guilty for having Jake. I mean, ok, he is drop dead gorgeous but I don’t like people being jealous and making me feel like I don’t deserve him, whether I do or not.

Jake also rang me this afternoon and I ended up in floods of tears on the end of the phone to him cos of the sheer dread of having a driving lesson today. I really shouldn’t have got so worked up about it but it was a bit of a disaster last week.

However, my lesson didn’t turn out too badly. I didn’t stall quite as much and he only complained about little things like not looking in my mirrors in the correct order. I mainly had to do reversing. I don’t think it was too bad but he still didn’t give me much positive feedback. Aarrgghh! Scary! That’s come from my Sports Studies! I actually know something! Yay!

I saw Jake briefly before he went to Venture Scouts (aww, sweet!) and he kept telling me I’m “yummy”! 🙂 Mmm!


Thursday 31st (P. [period] on Wednesday)

I went to the Trafford Centre with my mum today in search of a dress for my leaving do for college. I found a skirt and top instead in Debenhams which match so it looks like a dress. They’re very nice. They’re just black but with sparkly bits on and the top’s very strappy and the skirt’s three quarter length. I’m pleased with them.

31-05-01 Tess & Cat

My mum is so top! I’ve been looking at a really nice vest top in the O’Neill shop in Manchester every time I’ve been in and I saw it today in Free Spirit. Mum saw me look at it, made me try it on and then bought it for me. Then when we were in Selfridges, I tried on some of the shorts in the Quiksilver section and she bought me them too. Then she spotted a really nice light pink three quarter length skirt on the next rack and made me try it on cos she liked it. I liked it too and she bought it for me! 🙂

I did feel a bit guilty cos she spent quite a lot of money on me but she says she doesn’t mind buying me clothes cos she buys Abby loads and my leaving do outfit wasn’t as expensive as we thought it’d be.

Well, I’m very pleased with all my new clothes. 🙂