I’m left with 16p in the whole world!! – 1st-3rd June 2000

Thursday 1st Jake and I went round to Gethin’s again tonight. This time we were both totally sober and had to leave under orders from our parents at 1:00 am. There were quite a few people there but we still got the sofa and the whole living room at one point to ourselves.

Hayley was in a better mood and she actually left us alone too!

All we really did was kiss.

We left it as late as possible before we went home. He kept saying he wanted my face there all the time and that he wants a photo of me screwing up my nose (like I do when he touches it or when I’m going to sneeze) to take to Canada cos it’s “dead cute”!


Friday 2nd to Saturday 3rd P. [period] + first Dianette pill at 6:00 pm on Saturday.

That’s the worst night out I’ve had in ages!!

Tonight, the usual 5 of us, plus Georgia (so Hayley wouldn’t feel like “a gooseberry”) went out to The Dog again. It was quite good while we were there cos the bar staff are beginning to recognise us and one lady called Val kept persuading us to make all our drinks doubles!

I had quite a good chat with Jake again. He said he does want to go to Canada for the skiing but then doesn’t want to go cos he doesn’t want to leave me. He said there’s no way he’ll forget about me while he’s there cos there’s no way he’ll ever forget about me. He said again that he wants a photo of me screwing my nose up and smiling to take with him!

He’s going away round Europe on 2nd July but he says he will see me in Holland while I’m on the Swing Band trip cos he’s got to drop Charlie Wilson off with us on 21st July.

Due to Georgia not normally coming out with us, the lads received some odd looks off her when we started painting their nails! Okay, maybe it’s not normal but Gethin explained to her that it’s become routine now! Jake actually removed his while we were in there (I had some remover pads) because he didn’t like the colour! He always leaves the little finger nail on his left hand painted though as “a reminder”! He actually didn’t take much persuading to let me paint them this time cos he said he wanted us both to have the same colour on! Maybe I should worry!!

Gethin’s invented a new drink (which has probably been done before!) which he named a Starshooter. It involved whisky, Taboo and Coke, I think. Unfortunately, Jake drank a bit too much on an empty stomach so got very pissed, very quickly.

It was when we left The Dog that the night began to go downhill. We ended up waiting for a taxi for over half an hour before someone told us it’d been and gone so we then had to call another. Jake was lolling all over the place so it was clear that I wasn’t going to get very far with him. In fact, I didn’t get a proper kiss out of his all night cos as soon as we got back to Gethin’s, he collapsed out on a bed and fell asleep.

I went down to get some food and by the time I went back upstairs to see Jake, he was capable of speech and movement. That was the point where I got extremely pissed off cos I had about an hour before I’d have to go home and I realised there was no hope of me even snogging him. Plus, I probably won’t see him all week and this was the last chance of getting a bed or sofa to ourselves that we’ll get for a good while. I just felt like crying, basically because of the disappointment, but I managed to control myself.

That was until my dad rang my mobile and yelled at me for not being home and also cos Abby wasn’t in too (which was hardly my fault!). I’d told them I wouldn’t get back until about 2:00 am and it was only 1:45 am when he phoned. I just burst into tears! I couldn’t help it! Everything had just built up through the evening and that set me off.

Gethin and Sarah were being dead nice but Jake was still virtually unconscious upstairs. Well, he might as well have been anyway! I did go up and he’d sort of sobered up and kept asking for a hug. At first I went all stubborn cos he’d annoyed me but then, as usual, I gave in cos I can’t resist him!

I got a taxi home eventually which cost me £8! Now, I’m left with 16p in the whole world!!

I got a bollocking from Mum cos Abby still wasn’t in to take it out on so I just went to bed.

I remember something I overheard Gethin and Jake saying at Gethin’s. Jake had been whinging that he was going to fail his exam cos he can’t concentrate on revision cos of me and other stuff (I assumed he meant his mum) so Gethin asked him what was more important, me or exams. He said, “Tessa!” 🙂

I couldn’t sleep at home cos nextdoor switched an outdoor light on which shone in my window and made birds sing and then they put loud music on and then it got light anyway!

I sent Jake a message cos he’d asked me to. I asked him what he’d asked my Magic 8 Ball keyring cos it’d given him the answer “looks good” in The Dog but he wouldn’t tell me what he’d asked. He sent one back saying he’ll tell me if it ever comes true. I tried to send another but it wouldn’t let me so I gave up and sent it this morning.

I woke up to 3 missed calls from Jake so I asked why he rang, said it’d been a bad night and pleaded him to tell me what he’d asked the keyring! I got 2 messages back saying, “I THINK I RANG YOU WHILE I WAS WRITING YOUR MSG! GLAD YOU’RE OK!! I KNOW THAT WAS AWFUL! IT REALLY UPSET ME SEEING YOU CRY! : ( …” and then, “I ASKED IT IF WE WOULD BE TOGETHER FOREVER + GET MARRIED!! : ) I KNOW I WRITE IT A LOT – BUT I REALLY REALLY LOVE YOU!! SORRY I WASN’T MUCH USE LSAT NIGHT! XJx”.

I didn’t think lads cared about asking 8-Balls stuff like that! It’s so sweet! I took me a while to answer him so I got another message asking if he’d frightened me by saying that. I told him that of course he hadn’t! I also apologised for the possibility that my parents will make me come home earlier in future but he said, “DON’T BE SORRY! IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT! WE’LL JUST HAVE TO LEAVE A BIT EARLIER FROM NOW ON! IT’S NOT GOING TO CHANGE HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU! LOTS OF HUGS n KISSES! : ) Jx”.

I took the first Dianette pill today (Saturday) for future reference.


I’ve just been moaning to Jake about my parents and he’s sent me a message saying, “ARE YOU SURE YOU DIDN’T SAY OR DO SOMETHING TO THEM?? JUST IGNORE THEM – SOMEBODY LOVES YOU! xJx”. As usual, it’s the end of his message that’s the best part! He said he can’t send me anymore messages tonight until he’s finished work cos the landlord’s been shouting at him for sending too many!”


I quite like Jez now – 16th February 1998

Monday 16th P. [Period.]

Skiing and tea and stuff were all at the same times again and nowt had really changed.


After the afternoon session, I came back and Jez and Graham Baxter kept asking me to ask Emma to go with Freddie. I did and she went all moody and embarrassed. They also said that Ferny wanted to go with her too but I heard them tell someone that they were just pissing about.

Then they started asking me if I fancied Ralph and if I was going to cop off with him at the disco. Er… no!

That got forgotten about though and all the attention went back to Emma and Freddie. They chucked a condom in our room so Rachael H chucked it back again. They wanted Emma to go and meet Freddie in their room but she wouldn’t so he marched into our room and and said to Emma, “You’re a stupid, fat, smelly cow.” Then said to his mate, “There, I’ve done it.” They must’ve told him to. They all ended up falling out with Emma after that.

I quite like Jez now. [Oh bloody hell, not another one. I’m losing track!] Georgia did already.

Tobogganing int evening – brilliant!


High aims and crap like that – 17th September 1997

Wednesday 17th I don’t think Emma’s speaking to me at the moment because of some stupid thing she thinks l said. [I probably had said it.]

In Geography, Lizzie and I were talking to Dougie and Neil quite a bit. We started on the subject of Lucy and how she fancies Dougie and we asked him what he’d been doing to her on Saturday. She’d been going on and on about him at lunch about when they were doing their D of E Awards.

Anyway, I said to Dougie, “Lucy still fancies you” then turned to Neil and said, “Emma fancies you too”. [There we go. I had said something.] They didn’t take it very seriously and Neil said (very sarcastically) […but he probably completely meant it.], “Oh good, she’s a babe!” Then Dougie joined in and told me to tell her that he liked her hair. (She was wearing it down and it looked a bit scarecrowish!)

So, Lizzie and I told her all this at break and she had a right go at us in Science. She was on at me more coz I was the one that told Neil she still fancied him. She then started talking bollocks. She said she was starting something where everyone has 3 lives. If you do something nasty to her, you lose a life.

So far she reckons I’ve lost all mine so she’s going to get revenge but, oh no, she can’t do it by herself so she says she’s going to get Freda to say something to someone! What a load of shit! Isn’t it?! [Ha! I was worried. Freda would do or say anything if it meant horribly humiliating one of her friends.]

We had a fire alarm practice today. [Always exciting. The fit boys had to leave their classrooms and stand on the all-weather pitch, all at the same time. Prime perving opportunity.] On the way back, Lizzie and I were walking with Davis. He’s such a big-headed wanker! He kept going on about how he had high aims and crap like that. He makes me wanna puke! He sucks up to the teachers so badly too, telling them what’s been happening. I mean, who gives a toss?! [Me, clearly.]

Emma ripped Cat’s coat today. HA HA HA! She’ll probably get knackered by Cat’s mum. She did when she drew on the back of Cat’s shirt once. It was so funny coz Emma goes into her ‘I’m-so-sorry’ mode and sucks up and begs to be forgiven. (SPEW!) She’s such a silly cow sometimes.

Jez was watching me again in basketball today. I ended up working with Shauna Adams and some prat of a teacher. Our ball got stuck in the basket and Jez came rushing over to get it out!

There was something else (that’s good) that happened this evening. 3-0!!! Man Utd won 3-0 in the Champions League against FC Kosica or something. Irwin scored the first, then Henning Berg, then our brilliant Andy Cole! YES!