She scared us all so much! – 23rd August 2000

Wednesday 23rd We did end up coming home today. I wasn’t sure that we would cos of Grandma but we just left at about 11am rather than 6am so we could see how things were going for her.

We didn’t get chance to say goodbye to Rhian, Tom or Minnie cos by the time we’d woken up, they were already at school. It was awful saying goodbye to Auntie S cos she put on a brave face up until she said goodbye to Dad and then burst into tears. She was very worried about Grandma and Mum and Dad felt really guilty about leaving then.

We called in at the hospital on the way home. I thought I’d be okay and I was until we had to leave. She was much better this morning but seeing her sitting in the chair, all wrapped up in a blanket, made her look really small and old.

I think she got a bit upset at us leaving too and I kissed her on the cheek and had to stand behind Mum and not look at Grandma cos I could feel my eyes filling up. I tried to control it but as soon as I left the room I was in floods of tears. I couldn’t help it. I know it’s awful but I couldn’t stop thinking what if that’s the last time I see her.

Seeing Wick disappear into the distance when going home is always bad enough but this time was far worse. I’m crying even now thinking about Grandma. She scared us all so much!

When we reached Perth today though, Auntie S rang and told us Grandma’s back at home. I’m so glad! They apparently gave her the choice of staying in hospital for longer or going home but getting proper home help which I think she’s refused to have before now. She chose the 2nd option, obviously.

I’m home now too now which means I can get back to doing my coursework (oh joy!) again.

Bye!

Jake cruise email 3

P.S. The e-mail at the top of the page is one I got from Jake today.

 

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“Susan? Do you need any help?” – 22nd August 2000

Tuesday 22nd I woke up to a message from Jake this morning which said, “HELLO!!! : ) : ) : ) JUST GOT TO GIBRALTA! IT’S A BIG ROCK! THANKS FOR LEAVING THOSE VOICE MSGS! : ) NOW I CAN LISTEN TO YOUR VOICE WHENEVER I WANT! : ) SENT YOU SOME E-MAILS FOR YOU TO READ SO YOU CAN REPLY IF YOU WANT! : ) MISSING U LIKE CRAZY! CAN’T TEXT YOU AT SEA WHICH IS HORRIBLE! : ( NOT GONNA ASK WHO DUNCAN IS BUT HE BETTER NOT BE INTERESTED! : ) YOU’RE PROBABLY IN BED SO I’LL PHONE YOU LATER! LOVE YOU SOOOOOO MUCH! : ) xJx”.

The bit about the voice messages and Duncan were cos on Saturday when I was a bit pissed, I tried to ring him but got his answer service and then sent him a text meant for Sarah about Duncan! Ooops!!

Anyway, I was still pissed off with him cos of that e-mail so the reply I gave him was very short and said something sarcastic like, “Yeh, it really sounds like you’re missing me” or something! He then said, “I AM MISSING YOU – A LOT! : ( : ( : ( IT’S GOING FASTER THAN LAST TIME BUT NOT FAST ENOUGH! WHEN DID YOU REPLY TO MY MAIL? LOTS OF LOVE! xJx”.

I can’t remember what I said to that but it can’t have been very nice cos he said, “HEY, THIS ISN’T FAIR! YOU’RE MAKING ME FEEL REALLY GUILTY – BUT YOU WON’T MIND THAT! I’M MISSING YOU SOOO MUCH – DON’T KNOW HOW TO EXPRESS THAT ANY MORE! YOU’RE ALWAYS ON MY MIND AND I WANT YOU TO STAY THERE ALL THE TIME! DON’T WANT TO GET YOU OUT OF MY MIND! MOST OF THE CONVERSATIONS I HAVE WITH PEOPLE INVOLVE YOU! EVERYONE IS MISSING THEIR G’FRIENDS/B’FRIENDS AND WE’RE ALL MOANING COS WE CAN’T TEXT! : ( LOVE xJx”.

After I’d calmed down a bit, I texted him again just asking what he was doing. He said, “I WAS JUST LOOKING ROUND THE SHOPS! I’M SORRY IF I’VE WORRIED YOU BY WHAT I WROTE IN THE E-MAILS! JUST COS I TALK TO GIRLS DOESN’T MEAN I’M CHATTING THEM UP OR VICE VERSA! YOU KNOW FULL WELL I’M NOT GONNA DO ANYTHING! NOBODY IS TRYING TO PULL ANYONE ELSE AND WE ALL GET ON WELL! AND I AM THINKING OF YOU x”.

I hadn’t actually mentioned the e-mail once (although I think it was pretty obvious to him that I wasn’t pleased about something) so for him to know that was what I was annoyed about, he must have known it’d worry me or he wouldn’t have guessed. I told him that and he said, “NO BUT THE WAY YOU SAID “YEH SURE THEY ARE” IN YOUR LAST MSG WHEN REFERRING TO EVERYONE MISSING PEOPLE! YOU’RE RIGHT THOUGH – I SHOULDN’T HAVE SAID THAT IN THAT WAY! I DIDN’T MEAN TO TRY AND MAKE YOU JEALOUS – I WANTED TO MAIL YOU BUT I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO TALK ABOUT COS I HADN’T DONE MUCH! I’M SORRY! I’LL PHONE YOU AFTER LUNCH! LOVE xJx”.

He phoned at about 1:30pm I think and we talked for about an hour. I’m not entirely sure what about though! He reassured me that he’s not done anything he shouldn’t and that he’s actually bored most of the time cos he can never find the people he’s made friends with during the day. He told me there at 3 girls he talks too and they’re a couple of years older but live around us so they’re fairly normal and not posh rich people. He says he’s kept one of the voice messages I left so he can hear my voice when he can’t speak to me on the phone.

He rang me back again at about 5:30pm to speak before the shop moved cos it’s at sea again until Thursday. This time it was depressing cos we got on to the Canada subject. He said there’s no way he’d have gone there if he’d met me earlier. That’s sooo annoying!

Anyway, he said he loved me and then had to go cos his signal was going. He also said he wanted a postcard so I went and got him one as well as a present that cost me a whole £9.99 which is a pottery fairy in a jar. It just made me giggle cos it’s really cute so I bought it. He’ll probably laugh at me!

This evening was horrible. Grandma L got ill. We’d noticed that she’d been in her pyjamas all day and also that she’d been breathing differently but because she never complains, plus she’s been like that before, we never thought anything of it. That was until she got diarrhoea and started being sick and complaining of chest pains.

Auntie S, Mum and Dad were really worried and called out the doctor. He came and decided she’d be best in hospital and phoned and ambulance. Mum took Tom and Minnie out to walk the dog but Rhian, Abby and I stayed upstairs so we could hear what was happening cos nobody would tell us, probably to stop us worrying but that just made us worry even more.

Auntie S was rushing round getting some of Grandma’s things together and, even though she was really sick, I still heard Grandma say, “Susan? Do you need any help?” That nearly made me cry but I managed to control it.

But then, just as the paramedics were wheeling her out (which she didn’t put up a fight against like she would’ve done if she was feeling a bit better – I also heard Auntie S say Grandma actually seemed pleased to see the doctor which she’s never been pleased about before which was worrying), Tom and Minnie got back. Tom’s face set me off crying cos he was blinking back the tears and trying to smile when he was so obviously really upset.

Rhian, Abby and I then got out of the house and went to Laura’s for a bit. Kate was there so we got a chance to say goodbye before we go home to England.

When we got back, Dad and Auntie S were ringing round people telling them what had happened. Every time the phone rang, everyone got really worried again, thinking it was the hospital.

I don’t think I’ll be sleeping too well tonight.

Bye!