I’ll never pass my driving test – 6th August 2001

Monday 6th Dad got me and Abby insured on the car today so I was allowed to drive it round the quiet roads near the lighthouse. It’s so good!

We went to Auntie S’s again today and then into the town to get stuff to eat etc. I bought the OPM album Menace to Sobriety while I was there.

[God, I’d forgotten about this.]

When we got back I got really upset after having an argument with Abby. She was saying I’ll never pass my driving test and stuff but I got more upset than usual cos I was feeling a bit weak anyway cos of the funeral tomorrow. I’m really worrying about it and what it’s going to be like.

I got upset again later on because Abby and I had to write a card to put with our flowers for tomorrow. In the end, we just put something simple like, “Grandma, With all our love, Tessa and Abby xxx”.

As I drove back to the lighthouse tonight I had little birds flying along in front of the car all the way in the headlights. It was really weird but cute.

Bye!

I need hugs! – 1st to 4th August 2001

Wednesday 1st Urrggh!! I had a horrible afternoon. I went round to Jake because some family friend was there so he couldn’t leave. I only expected to stay for a bit but they ended up having a barbecue. The idea was fine until I realised I had to sit round a table with the entire family plus friend. I just felt sooo out of place and couldn’t wait for it to be over. They were all having conversations about things I didn’t know about and people I’d never heard of and when they asked me a question, they always picked a moment when I had a mouth full of burger or something. There was some very nice cake though.

This evening I went round to Henry Rockwell’s house for a small gathering. There was very little alcohol so Sarah and I went to Vicky Wine [Victoria Wine – an offie that doesn’t exist anymore] to get some supplies. Penny Jensen was working and told us Aled had just been in and informed her that Oscar’s in hospital cos he’s got leukaemia. That’s awful! I used to be really good mates with him. She said it’s a common form and can be cured so I really hope he’ll be okay.

Rocky’s was a bit boring cos Jake left early and his old nextdoor neighbour turned up. Isaac told me at one point that with Lizzie and Karen were making fools of themselves flirting with Sam and Nip at Denny’s, Emma had asked him if they were pregnant!

After Rocky’s we all went to Simon Bell’s (a complete knobhead from school who went off the rails then found God and who has now latched on to our group of friends) cos he promised us a barbecue. We didn’t get one so we went home.

Bye!

Thursday 2nd I woke up this morning to Mum sat on my bed. She hardly ever does that so I knew something was wrong. She told me that my Grandma L died at quarter to midnight yesterday. 😦

[I love this photo of her.]

I didn’t get upset straight away cos it wasn’t really a shock seeing as she’s been really ill and I was warned it’d happen. However, it didn’t take much to upset me. As soon as Mum mentioned funeral arrangements, it set me off crying. We were planning to go up to Wick next Tuesday but we’re going on Sunday now.

I will miss her.

I went to the Trafford Centre with Jake and bought some Roxy Quiksilver combat-style pants to cheer me up.

Bye!

Saturday 4th

Jake and I have been together a year and 6 months today!

Cat had a barbecue today. It was pretty good cos loads of people turned up. We just ate lots, talked, went on the internet and watched Shrek. I got pretty upset when I had to leave and say goodbye to Jake because we’re going to Scotland tomorrow. I just didn’t want to leave him and have to go to a funeral and he was being really nice which didn’t really help, it just upset me more!

Jake explained to Cat and Gethin about Grandma cos they saw me get upset. I got lots of hugs off him and he told me he loved me and said he’ll miss me. I’ll miss him too. I need hugs!

Bye!

No shirt on and all his muscles – 24th June 2001

Sunday 24th Michael, Sarah, Jake and I all went to Radio 1’s One Big Sunday at Heaton Park in Manchester today. It was really good!

Michael drove and we got there at about 11am. We thought it’d be busy by then but it wasn’t at all. In fact, we managed to get really close to the stage. It started at 1:30pm and more people began to crowd around us so it got a bit claustrophobic. We decided to move and when we turned round there were 1000s of people behind us. It was actually quite scary that we hadn’t noticed before. We managed to battle our way through the crowd and found a nice patch of grass to sit on. We were side-on to the stage but still quite close.

All the bands and stuff were really good. There was Sugababes, Outkast (one of which was wearing bright pink fluffy pants!), Emma Bunton, Muse, Mis-Teeq, Usher and Wyclef Jean. Wyclef was the best and after the show went off air, he carried on for a bit.

There were loads of Radio 1 DJs there too including Sara Cox, Jamie Theakston and Nemone.

We saw a few people we knew while we were there too. We saw Abby and Connor and then Robert Osbourne who used to be in my form at high school. He was looking pretty fit actually. He walked past us with no shirt on and all his muscles on the way to the portaloos and he said “Hi”. However, I must say that I much prefer Jake, even if he isn’t quite so toned! 🙂

It took us ages to find and get out of the car park afterwards due to all the people and when we finally did, there were LOADS of police down the road and they’d sectioned off an area of grass and trees with police tape. I want to know why!

When we got back to Sarah’s we were really hot so Jake and I played with some ice for a bit. He then said (because I was sunburnt) that he wished we were staying at Sarah’s another night so he could rub aftersun all over me! J

When I got home, I was informed that Grandma L is in hospital. She’d been going to Thurso with Auntie S when her eyes started rolling and she began thrashing about. Auntie S took her to the hospital there and they transferred her to Wick Hospital in an ambulance. They diagnosed her there with pneumonia which Mum warned me is very serious for old people and Grandma’s very ill. I’m really worried about her now. 😦

Bye!

She scared us all so much! – 23rd August 2000

Wednesday 23rd We did end up coming home today. I wasn’t sure that we would cos of Grandma but we just left at about 11am rather than 6am so we could see how things were going for her.

We didn’t get chance to say goodbye to Rhian, Tom or Minnie cos by the time we’d woken up, they were already at school. It was awful saying goodbye to Auntie S cos she put on a brave face up until she said goodbye to Dad and then burst into tears. She was very worried about Grandma and Mum and Dad felt really guilty about leaving then.

We called in at the hospital on the way home. I thought I’d be okay and I was until we had to leave. She was much better this morning but seeing her sitting in the chair, all wrapped up in a blanket, made her look really small and old.

I think she got a bit upset at us leaving too and I kissed her on the cheek and had to stand behind Mum and not look at Grandma cos I could feel my eyes filling up. I tried to control it but as soon as I left the room I was in floods of tears. I couldn’t help it. I know it’s awful but I couldn’t stop thinking what if that’s the last time I see her.

Seeing Wick disappear into the distance when going home is always bad enough but this time was far worse. I’m crying even now thinking about Grandma. She scared us all so much!

When we reached Perth today though, Auntie S rang and told us Grandma’s back at home. I’m so glad! They apparently gave her the choice of staying in hospital for longer or going home but getting proper home help which I think she’s refused to have before now. She chose the 2nd option, obviously.

I’m home now too now which means I can get back to doing my coursework (oh joy!) again.

Bye!

Jake cruise email 3

P.S. The e-mail at the top of the page is one I got from Jake today.

 

“Susan? Do you need any help?” – 22nd August 2000

Tuesday 22nd I woke up to a message from Jake this morning which said, “HELLO!!! : ) : ) : ) JUST GOT TO GIBRALTA! IT’S A BIG ROCK! THANKS FOR LEAVING THOSE VOICE MSGS! : ) NOW I CAN LISTEN TO YOUR VOICE WHENEVER I WANT! : ) SENT YOU SOME E-MAILS FOR YOU TO READ SO YOU CAN REPLY IF YOU WANT! : ) MISSING U LIKE CRAZY! CAN’T TEXT YOU AT SEA WHICH IS HORRIBLE! : ( NOT GONNA ASK WHO DUNCAN IS BUT HE BETTER NOT BE INTERESTED! : ) YOU’RE PROBABLY IN BED SO I’LL PHONE YOU LATER! LOVE YOU SOOOOOO MUCH! : ) xJx”.

The bit about the voice messages and Duncan were cos on Saturday when I was a bit pissed, I tried to ring him but got his answer service and then sent him a text meant for Sarah about Duncan! Ooops!!

Anyway, I was still pissed off with him cos of that e-mail so the reply I gave him was very short and said something sarcastic like, “Yeh, it really sounds like you’re missing me” or something! He then said, “I AM MISSING YOU – A LOT! : ( : ( : ( IT’S GOING FASTER THAN LAST TIME BUT NOT FAST ENOUGH! WHEN DID YOU REPLY TO MY MAIL? LOTS OF LOVE! xJx”.

I can’t remember what I said to that but it can’t have been very nice cos he said, “HEY, THIS ISN’T FAIR! YOU’RE MAKING ME FEEL REALLY GUILTY – BUT YOU WON’T MIND THAT! I’M MISSING YOU SOOO MUCH – DON’T KNOW HOW TO EXPRESS THAT ANY MORE! YOU’RE ALWAYS ON MY MIND AND I WANT YOU TO STAY THERE ALL THE TIME! DON’T WANT TO GET YOU OUT OF MY MIND! MOST OF THE CONVERSATIONS I HAVE WITH PEOPLE INVOLVE YOU! EVERYONE IS MISSING THEIR G’FRIENDS/B’FRIENDS AND WE’RE ALL MOANING COS WE CAN’T TEXT! : ( LOVE xJx”.

After I’d calmed down a bit, I texted him again just asking what he was doing. He said, “I WAS JUST LOOKING ROUND THE SHOPS! I’M SORRY IF I’VE WORRIED YOU BY WHAT I WROTE IN THE E-MAILS! JUST COS I TALK TO GIRLS DOESN’T MEAN I’M CHATTING THEM UP OR VICE VERSA! YOU KNOW FULL WELL I’M NOT GONNA DO ANYTHING! NOBODY IS TRYING TO PULL ANYONE ELSE AND WE ALL GET ON WELL! AND I AM THINKING OF YOU x”.

I hadn’t actually mentioned the e-mail once (although I think it was pretty obvious to him that I wasn’t pleased about something) so for him to know that was what I was annoyed about, he must have known it’d worry me or he wouldn’t have guessed. I told him that and he said, “NO BUT THE WAY YOU SAID “YEH SURE THEY ARE” IN YOUR LAST MSG WHEN REFERRING TO EVERYONE MISSING PEOPLE! YOU’RE RIGHT THOUGH – I SHOULDN’T HAVE SAID THAT IN THAT WAY! I DIDN’T MEAN TO TRY AND MAKE YOU JEALOUS – I WANTED TO MAIL YOU BUT I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO TALK ABOUT COS I HADN’T DONE MUCH! I’M SORRY! I’LL PHONE YOU AFTER LUNCH! LOVE xJx”.

He phoned at about 1:30pm I think and we talked for about an hour. I’m not entirely sure what about though! He reassured me that he’s not done anything he shouldn’t and that he’s actually bored most of the time cos he can never find the people he’s made friends with during the day. He told me there at 3 girls he talks too and they’re a couple of years older but live around us so they’re fairly normal and not posh rich people. He says he’s kept one of the voice messages I left so he can hear my voice when he can’t speak to me on the phone.

He rang me back again at about 5:30pm to speak before the shop moved cos it’s at sea again until Thursday. This time it was depressing cos we got on to the Canada subject. He said there’s no way he’d have gone there if he’d met me earlier. That’s sooo annoying!

Anyway, he said he loved me and then had to go cos his signal was going. He also said he wanted a postcard so I went and got him one as well as a present that cost me a whole £9.99 which is a pottery fairy in a jar. It just made me giggle cos it’s really cute so I bought it. He’ll probably laugh at me!

This evening was horrible. Grandma L got ill. We’d noticed that she’d been in her pyjamas all day and also that she’d been breathing differently but because she never complains, plus she’s been like that before, we never thought anything of it. That was until she got diarrhoea and started being sick and complaining of chest pains.

Auntie S, Mum and Dad were really worried and called out the doctor. He came and decided she’d be best in hospital and phoned and ambulance. Mum took Tom and Minnie out to walk the dog but Rhian, Abby and I stayed upstairs so we could hear what was happening cos nobody would tell us, probably to stop us worrying but that just made us worry even more.

Auntie S was rushing round getting some of Grandma’s things together and, even though she was really sick, I still heard Grandma say, “Susan? Do you need any help?” That nearly made me cry but I managed to control it.

But then, just as the paramedics were wheeling her out (which she didn’t put up a fight against like she would’ve done if she was feeling a bit better – I also heard Auntie S say Grandma actually seemed pleased to see the doctor which she’s never been pleased about before which was worrying), Tom and Minnie got back. Tom’s face set me off crying cos he was blinking back the tears and trying to smile when he was so obviously really upset.

Rhian, Abby and I then got out of the house and went to Laura’s for a bit. Kate was there so we got a chance to say goodbye before we go home to England.

When we got back, Dad and Auntie S were ringing round people telling them what had happened. Every time the phone rang, everyone got really worried again, thinking it was the hospital.

I don’t think I’ll be sleeping too well tonight.

Bye!