“How would you kiss Tess?!” – 26th January 1999

Tuesday 26th It’s nearly 2 weeks since this business with my friends started. I was just thinking last night that it was starting to get back to normal. Well, I thought too soon, didn’t I?

It’s Emma now. I knew this would happen that she wouldn’t want to be associated with the unpopular ones (me and Hayley) so she ignores me to get in with the bigger crowd. I’ve noticed it recently (but I didn’t think much of it) that she too has been being a bit off with me when we’re all together but fine on our own.

Then today at lunch, she went to dump her bag so I went with her coz there was nobody else about and usually she wants me to. Today though she said, “You’re like a little sheep, you, following me about.” I knew what she was getting at even though she said it jokingly. Then at last break, everyone (except me and Hayley) was jumping about and hugging each other until we went over and they went all still and quiet and talked about summit like homework.

So I, being irritated by it, confronted Emma in French and asked her if she had some sort of problem with me. She refused to say at first but then came out with, “I need my space.” So in Swing Band I asked her what she meant by it and she told me to stop being so clingy. The thing is, I haven’t been any more “clingy” than I usually have, it’s just because she wants to split off from me that she sees it that way. I’ve just been normal.

She actually admitted that she wanted to stay friends with the group and, when I asked her what was up with them, she said that they hadn’t actually said it but it was because I just don’t get on with them.

That’s the problem though and this is what I don’t understand because neither Hayley nor I have fallen out with any of them. For some reason they’ve just taken a dislike to us. Well, with Emma it’s purely for selfish reasons and she’d better not think I’ll forget this. I know plenty of things about her that she’d rather people didn’t know as well. I’m not going to turn really nasty though unless I’m forced to coz it wouldn’t really be doing me any favours.

Freda also mentioned that Lindsey Bullman [A known megabitch.] was having a sleepover this weekend and I’ve not heard anything about it. She also told me that the group of them who are going to The Corrs concert on Monday actually didn’t want Hayley to go and wanted Olivia to go instead. So they were going to find some way of making her drop out.

Then, after Freda told me this, they decided they were going to go to a club in Manchester after the concert and, when Hayley asked her parents, she wasn’t allowed to go so she sold her ticket to Emma. Hayley said today that none of them had mentioned a club after Emma bought the ticket and she thought that they only said they were going so she’d drop ou+t. I didn’t tell her what Freda said coz it’s probably linked and I don’t want to prove her right coz it’d upset her more. Plus Freda is a good little informant and I don’t want to drop her in it. [Yes, good old Freda.]

I’ve just been on the phone to Hayley now and we’ve decided that at least it’s not just one of us left out and we’ve agreed that it’s not our fault as to why this has happened. She said she feels like she has to try really hard to get included in conversations and she feels like she has to be extra nice to them all. I know what she means. Why us, hey?

[Ugh. I really feel for teenage me. I remember this episode and it was horrible being left out of things for no apparent reason by a whole group of girls that I thought were my friends, especially when Emma was involved.

I know a few girls that this sort of thing happened to over the years at school. It seems so cruel. Did boys ever do this to each other?

I was lucky that I had other good mates in Cat, Lizzie, Sarah, Hayley, Freda etc. but it was still awful going to school every day, not knowing what would be said or done to upset you next. It almost made Paul Nutt a welcome distraction!…]

Another thing that I’ve got to worry about is Paul Nutt. Three people have warned me now that he’s going to ask me out. First was Abby. She and Jacqueline Robson went to his house last night again and he said he might send me a Valentine’s card and he might ask me out. He also told them that he might get his lip pierced but I think he changed his mind when Jac asked, “How would you kiss Tess?!” Yuk!

Then Emma (stupid bitch) said to him, “Are you going to ask Tess out?” and he said he was.

Lastly, Hayley said that in Drama he’d said to her, “You’re Tessa’s friend, aren’t you?” Then he asked her what she thought I’d say if he asked me out. She said she sort of stuttered her way to a sort of no but he still said, “I will, I’ll do it.”

What am I gonna say to him? How can I say no nicely? Oh well, at least someone likes me!

BYE!

She’s pretty hard and doesn’t care what everyone else thinks – 15th & 23rd January 1999

Friday 15th P. [Period]

This business with who I thought were my friends seems to be getting worse. Freda told me something this morning which really upset me although I’m actually glad she told me. She said she’d been talking to Lena about her sleepover and she asked why she hadn’t just told me and Emma straight why we couldn’t go because of the numbers. Lena then told her the other reason as to why it was awkward which was that, even though she likes Emma, she doesn’t particularly like me and she really doesn’t like Hayley.

I don’t know why she doesn’t like me. I’ve never fallen out with her or done anything to her that I know of. The reason with Hayley is coz Hayley is always causing trouble but I don’t really. I just don’t understand.

I’m also worried about Jade Hancock now coz she’s pretty hard and doesn’t care what everyone else thinks if she yells at someone in public. Freda said she overheard summit like, “If Tess has told her, I’ll sort her out. I’ll have a right go at her.” If that’s what she said then she’ll mean if I told Hayley about the sleepover. And I have. It was so unfair coz if she’d have found out on Monday she’d have thought I wasn’t her mate either. I am though.

I just couldn’t face going to the Sports Club with her tonight coz she’d just moan on about all this as if everyone’s against her, totally forgetting it’s me they don’t like either. She’d just depress me even more.

It’s annoying to think that all my friends except Hayley are all together at a sleepover or out clubbing it whilst I’m stuck here writing this. Gee, what an exciting life I lead!

BYE!

Saturday 23rd The thing with my friends seems to have sorted itself out. Paul Nutt still likes me and Wednesday wasn’t too bad.

I went to Emma’s house tonight. I’ve now met her latest boyfriend, Gavin Bilson, who she’s going to dump tomorrow and GeordieChris was there too along with Suzanna, Az Hart, Ned Arncliffe, Fraser Cooper and Ed. It was really boring actually.

BYE!