Feeling our faces with their hands – 23rd July 2000

Monday 23rd Well, it’s the last full day today. Normally I’d be upset to be leaving but this year I’m not.

We all spent the day at Phantasialand theme park which was quite good. It wasn’t huge but it had some good rides, including a runaway mine train thing. When we were in the dark bit, Gethin and Denny scared me and Cat by repeating what a waiter had done to Lizzie in Cyprus, saying, “Oooh my lurve!” and feeling our faces with their hands. Scary!

There was one flight simulator type ride which was awful. It wasn’t frightening or anything, it just made everyone extremely travel sick!

The day started off really hot but then went cooler and started pouring with rain just as I chickened out of a ride and had to stand outside. It was a big “Mystery Castle” except it wasn’t a mystery at all cos there was a big tower on it which made it obvious they were going to drop you from a great height! I went in the queue but then changed my mind and the young guy working there showed me the way out. Before he went, he asked me how old I was and where I was from and then said, “You are a very nice girl”. Strange. Maybe he was practicing his English!

We had a barbecue at the hostel tonight but I felt extremely travel sick for the 2nd time today because the coach driver got lost and we ended up on a really windy road, so I didn’t eat anything.

The teachers also gave out certificates to everyone cos it was the last night. I got one for “Photographic Modelling” because of what happened at the 1st concert when the old woman was taking photos and I got the giggles. Mr P presented it to me and I hesitated in shaking his hand. Apparently everyone noticed but then most people know about what he said to me. Bastard!

We all got pissed AGAIN tonight and it resulted in Denny, Gethin and Daniel dressing up in my clothes and applying Cat’s make up. It was all a very disturbing experience for those of us who witnessed them posing around our room!

I went into Gethin’s room later and discovered Denny asleep so I decided to get revenge for him taking awful photos of me all holiday. I got Lizzie’s purple nail varnish and drew lovely patterns on his face with it and took a photo. Hee hee!

We knew he’d noticed only when he got up to go to the loo and screamed as he saw his face in the mirror. He did managed to get it off though….. eventually!


Dogs and spandex and cheese-eating elephants – 22nd July 2000

Sunday 22nd As soon as I went down for breakfast this morning, Mr P started saying stuff to his brother about me really deliberately loudly, like, “Ooh, watch out! Tessa is here!” Tosser! I was still incredibly angry with him after his comments last night so I had to go up to my room cos I didn’t want him to see me get upset again.

We had loads of time before setting off for the concert so that have me time to calm down and shoot a few evil glances in the direction of the most annoying teachers!

The concert was in a place called Bad Bertrich and it was way too hot. We were allowed to wear shorts instead of black trousers with our yellow t-shirts to keep us a bit cooler. It didn’t really help that much though cos we weren’t under any cover at all. We could feel ourselves cooking and our instruments melting as we played!

This evening, they took us on the coach to some town so we could eat pizza and drink in a variety of bars instead of just the one at the hostel. I hung round with Cat, Lizzie, Isaac and Denny. To start with, we went for a pizza and Denny nearly burned the place down by sticking a napkin in the candle flame then trying to blow it out but instead blew it onto Isaac’s lap! We managed to extinguish the flame before too much damage was caused!

After the pizza we let the drinking commence and had many interesting conversations with additions from Denny about dogs and spandex and cheese-eating elephants. Hmmm. We were all pissed but it was a nice, happy, giggly, singing sort of pissed.

Due to the alcohol, 3 songs have emerged which will forever remind us of this holiday. These are:

Help! I’m A Fish by the Little Trees

The theme tune from Maid Marian And Her Merry Men off CBBC

I Wanna Fuck A Dog In The Ass by Blink 182

When we got back to the hostel, we made use of the bar there. I had much fun sat on the table next to the teachers, drinking wine and composing and singing our own lyrics to the tune of the Maid Marian song. The song was written with Mr P in mind, by the way. Not that he got to hear it cos every time I began to sing, Cat and Gethin clapped their hands over my mouth. There’s also various other crap written on the bag, all of which makes no sense to me now but perhaps did at the time!

I’ll rewrite the song in here. It goes:
(*I’ll include the variations)

Why don’t you stick your head
Up Mr P-R’s/your brother’s arse
Why don’t you just admit
That you are really shit
*Why don’t you fuck your mum
With children’s bubble gum
Ohh music man
Ohh music man

*Why don’t you feed your mum
With lots of Pedigree Chum… etc.

Just to explain, the part about children’s bubble gum came about because of this:

When it had the gum in it, it looked a bit like a packet with a condom in it and in the song we were suggesting that MR P would have to use children’s size protection due to the small size of his penis. Get it?! Ok, I know it’s all a bit sick but we were pissed.

Also, on the back of the bag is Denny’s insult of the holiday. It goes you dodgy, dirty, fat, German, ming, mama, cheesy, dog fucker.

Anyway, later on this evening, Cat and Lizzie fell out for some reason. People also found it amusing when Lizzie was leaning on Daniel and he said, “I’m not a fucking pillow, you know!” So, because Lizzie and Cat were upset, Mrs P-Y and Miss M came to our room to see if they were ok but ended up talking to me about Mr P and Mr P-R. They were being really nice about it (must have been the alcohol!) and were saying how the men were out of line and that if it was any consolation, they’d been mean to Miss M too. That did make me feel a bit better actually!


There were nudists in some bushes – 23rd July 2000

Sunday 23rd Last night, Cat went off to sleep in Archie Quinn’s (a Year 9!) bed and Emma was in Alan Hanlon’s (another Year 9!) so when Francesca Canning was brought to our room in a very drunken state, it was Maeve Ackerley and I that had to clean up after her! She’d managed to be sick down the toilet but dribbled everywhere else! Surprisingly, she seemed okay this morning!


[Cat, pre-Year 9 bed.]

Today we went to visit the Vaals Maze in the morning. I hadn’t been able to sit on the coach next to Jake on the way there cos we’d got on it a bit late so when we eventually found our way out of the maze (in which we got wet cos there were fountain things in it!) he went all quiet cos I’d asked Cat if she’d let me sit next to Jake but she flatly refused to sit next to Charlie who he’d been sat with (and fair enough!).

He was sulking really badly and eating one of the Rocket ice lollies wearing his dad’s coat which is a bit big for him so he looked like a little kid! It was dead cute and made me laugh but he said it wasn’t funny that we couldn’t sit with each other.


Gethin noticed eventually and said he’d sit next to Cat and Charlie could sit where he had so we could sit together. Jake then cheered up pretty quickly.

This afternoon we went to the chocolate museum in Cologne. The smell was sooo nice! After that we were allowed to wander round Cologne but most of us ended up sitting on the steps of the museum cos we’re all knackered!

Maisie Jones and Keira Osborne then decided that Jake and I are a really sweet couple and don’t get on anyone’s nerves. That was nice to hear cos I worry about that sometimes.

Before we got back on the coach, we went on a boat ride on the Rhine. It was boring and there were nudists in some bushes along the banks of the river.


[Nudist spotting on the boat.]

On the coach back to Valkenburg, I had my fleece over me and Jake undid the zip on my pants but I stopped him doing anything cos there were way to many people around us.

This evening, Jake and I got my room to ourselves cos everyone else went to some Scottish pub called the Queen Victoria in Valkenburg. He persuaded me to get on my bed and we started off just kissing then some 3. We snogged more then nothing much happened cos Francesca came in (plus he’s not really got the hang of it yet!). He told me he loves me again before he had to leave. Ahh! 🙂