I’m being totally selfish, aren’t I?! – 9th May 2000

Tuesday 9th Got a message from Jake last night. It said, “I’M IN BED TOO NOW! YEH EVERYTHING IS OK! I JUST HAVE TO KEEP CHECKING COS IT STILL FEELS LIKE A DREAM!! I CAN’T GO OUT WITH YOU ON FRI : ( LOVE xJx”.

The dream bit was nice but the last bit wasn’t! Finally he decided to tell me that he’s going elsewhere on Friday night. It seems that I’m pretty much the last one to know cos Sarah, Hayley, Gethin and probably a few others already knew. I’m not pleased!

He doesn’t tell me stuff and leaves it to me to find out myself which usually ends up in me looking stupid because they know more about what my boyfriend’s up to than I do! I mean, fair enough, he’s going to town cos it’s one of his mate’s birthdays but he still could’ve let me know a bit sooner. Also, I don’t see him making any effort to get me invited. He comes everywhere with my mates. In fact, I think they see more of him than I do now!

I’m being totally selfish, aren’t I?! Sorry!!

Actually, another thing that someone else told me about him. In Swing Band, Emma informed me that he’s getting a £60 flight to Austria or something in the summer. If she’s got it right that means even more time without him and he didn’t bother to let me know. I suppose he could’ve genuinely forgotten to mention stuff though.

He had his horrible pink curtain shirt on today. That’s not good!!

Bye!

CYMERA_20180124_193308.jpg

Said pink curtain shirt on an outing to the pub.

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It’s difficult controlling myself around him – 7th May 2000

Sunday 7th I got some nice messages off Jake last night. I sent him a message saying that Hayley had a lovebite and that it’s difficult controlling myself around him. He said, “TELL ME ABOUT IT! (NOT THE LOVE BITE! – THE CONTROLLING YOURSELF BIT!) I’VE GOT A THRESHOLD OF ABOUT 2 MINS BEFORE I WANT TO DIVE ON YOU! : ) LOVE YOU! xxxxx”.

I then said something about it being scary cos I never thought I’d get like this over someone and he said, “YOU KNOW WHAT! – BEFORE YOU I DIDN’T WANT A GIRLFRIEND – I JUST WANTED TO HAVE FUN AND BE SINGLE! NOT ANY MORE! I THOUGHT I KNEW WHAT LOVE WAS TOO! – I DIDN’T! xJx”.

Honestly, it’s sweet but some of the things he comes out with sometimes sound like they’ve come out of a soap opera script! Maybe they have!!

The last nice message came after I told him I did love him but I was falling asleep so I’d best say goodnight! He sent one then saying, “HAH LIGHTWEIGHT! YOU’RE LOSING YOUR NOCTERNALNESS! NIGHT NIGHT! WORDS CAN’T EXPRESS HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU!! LOTS n LOTS n LOTS OF LOVE JAKE xxx : ) xxx”.

I got a message this morning from Jake. It said, “OH MY GOD! I’VE JUST BEEN WATCHING THE NEWS AND A GIRL WAS BADLY HURT WHEN SHE FELL OFF ONE OF THE RIDES AT KNUTSFORD! APPARENTLY IT WASN’T SAFE! : ( xJx”. I hope she’s okay. That’s quite scary actually. He then sent another with the name of the ride. It turned out to be the one we chickened out of going on!

It was the Swing Band concert at Formby Hall in Atherton this evening. It went really well, I think. Everyone expects us to be some crappy little school band and they’re then shocked when they hear us play cos we’re so good!

Bolton Wanderers are through to the first division play offs. I’m quite pleased about that! I wish Dad would take us to see them again.

Bye!

Not sure what I think of that! – 29th & 30th April 2000

Saturday 29th The doctor said it’s a bladder infection. He’s put me on some antibiotics. I don’t think it’s anything too serious.

Fight Night at the George H. Carnell Sports Centre in Urmston was top!! Debbie F (who is a fellow kickboxer) drove me, Evie and Abby there. Our instructor, Dave, was a judge and our other instructor, Rob, won his fight. I want to go to another one!

Abby was a bit gutted cos the lad she fancies at the moment, Chris T, was following Rob round all night. We think he’s in love with him!!

Bye!

Sunday 30th I brought up the subject of Hugo Pratt phoning us on Friday and asked if he’d said anything to Jake. The text messages went on for a while, not really saying much, and then at exactly 2:00am, I received one saying, “OK!! WELL I’D BETTER SAY NIGHT NIGHT THEN! YOU KNOW I WOULD SLEEP WITH YOU! JUST WHEN THE RIGHT TIME COMES – NOT IN THE BACK OF A CAR!! LOVE YOU! xJx : )”.

Not sure what I think of that! It was so unexpected. I have to say I was quite pleased about it though!

I had nice messages (3 in a row) off Gethin tonight. They said, “HIYA, HOW’S LIFE? ENJOY THE OTHER NITE? ANYTHING YOU NEED OR WANT TO TELL ME? WHAT HAPPENED AFTER I LEFT? IT WAS TOP. HOW’S YOUR LOVER?…” and then, “…I NEVER REALLY GOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE OTHER NITE. THANX TESS. U MIGHT NOT THINK THAT YOU DID MUCH BUT I’VE JUST REALISED THAT YOU…” and then, “REALLY ARE A TOP MATE TESS, I MEAN IT. YOU ARE SOMEONE I KNOW I CAN TRUST… NO I’M NOT PISSED. THANX CHUCK! GETHIN xxx”.

That really cheered me up!

Bye!

Cuddly and huggable – 28th April 2000

Friday 28th I had some more nice messages in the night off Jake. He sent me one saying he can’t sleep when he’s with me so I told him that there are plenty of other things to do instead of sleeping! He then said, “WELL, IF YOU PUT IT LIKE THAT THEN YOU’RE RIGHT! BUT YOU’RE SO CUTE WHEN YOU’RE ASLEEP! : ) CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU! LOVE YOU LOTS N LOTS N LOTS TOO xxxxx : ) xxxxx”.

I told him that I couldn’t stop smiling after getting that message and then put something soppy like, “I can’t fit how much I love you into this message!” His reaction was, “NOW I CAN’T STOP SMILING! : ) THAT WAS REALLY SWEET!! YEH YOU DID SLEEP AT CLAIRE’S BUT ONLY FOR ABOUT 10 MINS! YOU’RE SO CUDDLY AND HUGGABLE : ) I’M SO LUCKY!!! LOVE YOU xxxxx”. I could’ve taken offence to being called cuddly and huggable but instead, it just made me cringe!

I then told him that I hadn’t bought Sarah a birthday present yet and I got, “YOU HAVEN’T GOT HER A PRESENT YET? OOOHH IF ONLY SHE KNOW! NIGHT NIGHT! SWEET DREAMS! LOVE YOU!!! xxxxx : ) xxxxx”.

With it being Sarah’s birthday today, her parents took me, Hayley, Floyd and Gethin out to the Chinese near school this evening. It was really nice actually, although I ate way too much! Afterwards, they dropped us off at The Dog with Jake. I think he was a bit pissed already because he’d be in The Plough with a few of his mates.

It was actually okay in The Dog with a big group of us. Jake let me paint his nails (he must have been drunk!) with nail varnish I found in my bag and he told me he loves me again but only cos I said I didn’t mind of he wanted Gethin!!

Sarah got what she wanted off Gethin for her birthday – plenty of snogs!

Floyd’s dad dropped us all in his village afterwards and we just stood outside the vets. Hugo Pratt phoned and I was talking to him for ages which pissed Jake off a bit! Hayley’d spoken to Hugo earlier and she told me that he said Jake had been going on to him about how much he wanted to sleep with me. I’m going to ignore that cos Hugo has the tendency to lie about stuff. He wants me to set him up with my sister and he told me I was nice to talk to as well!

Hayley and Sarah went back to Hayley’s to wait for the taxi and Jake and I went round the side of the vets to try and shelter from the rain. We just kissed for ages. He had dead cold hands and kept putting them on my back so I did the same to him! When I started shivering, we decided to go to Hayley’s. We’d been asked round to Emma’s and he was trying to persuade me to go but Sarah’s staying over at mine.

I got quite upset when I was at Hayley’s. I’d been going to the toilet loads all day and when I went at Hayley’s, there was loads of blood in it. When I went downstairs, I tried not to keep crying but Jake noticed there was something wrong and kept asking if I was okay. I told him I was fine and he just hugged me.

When I got home, I went to the toilet again and there was even more blood and it still hurt so I told Mum. She thinks I’ve got cystitis. I looked in the medical A-Z and I’ve got all the symptoms. Got to go to the doctor in the morning.

Bye!

I had to kiss him again to stop myself squealing! – 19th April 2000

Wednesday 19th I went to Chester College (or whatever it is) open day today with Sarah, Floyd and Cat. It’s quite nice but they don’t do physiotherapy. I just went to prevent me having another boring day at home. Sarah loved it and has decided already that that’s where she wants to go!

While I was there, I got a message from Jake. He said, “AAHH! MY EARS ARE RINGING! MARCO LOST THE COMP SO HE WOULDN’T DOWN HIS LAST AFTERSHOCK  – LIGHTWEIGHT! HOLIDAYS R SO BORING – I’VE DECIDED! APART FROM WHEN I’M WITH YOU x”.

When we’d looked round (which didn’t actually take long cos it wasn’t as big as we thought it’d be), Sarah’s dad took us to McDonald’s. When we were there, we saw a lad with his eyebrow pierced. He had the same sort of features as Jake and it looked quite good so the others told me to text him and see if he’d get it done! I got a message back saying he doesn’t want to look like J from 5ive!

I sent him one back saying I was considering getting my belly button pierced (I’m not but I just wanted to know what he thought cos I think that looks good too) and he sent me a reply saying, “GO ON – YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!! IT ONLY GETS INFECTED IF YOU DON’T CLEAN IT PROPERLY! IT’S A REAL TURN ON!! NOT THAT YOU DON’T ALREADY THOUGH! : ) LOVE YOU LOADS xxx”. It’s the infection part along with any pain that stops me doing it. Oh, and my mum’d probably kill me! I’m too soft!!

I missed kickboxing tonight cos ALL my mates were going round to Brian’s. I was meant to be getting my yellow belt and certificate tonight but I didn’t want to miss out on anything. The football (Man Utd v Real Madrid) was on too but that only pissed me off cos Utd lost 3-2 and are now out of the European Cup. Bugger!!

Jake and I just snuggled up in the corner of Brian’s bed. He was totally sober cos he was driving (I’d had a bit of vodka) but we were kissing loads and ended up doing what we did at Denny’s and staying outside clothes again due to a room full of people.

Eventually Brian had to chuck everyone out so Jake gave me, Sarah and Hayley a lift home. He took Sarah back to her village first and then nearly took me until I squeaked a bit and he took the hint and took Hayley!

I’m glad he did cos I got an extra half hour or so with him in The Green Dragon car park. We were kissing pretty much all the time but at one point he stopped mid-snog and mumbled something. I asked, “What?” and he said, “I love you.” That’s the first time he’s ever said it properly! My stomach was tying itself in the nice sort of knots and I had to kiss him again to stop myself squealing! The kissing part proved difficult when I was trying not to smile!

When I’d calmed down slightly, I thought I’d better say something back so I told him I loved him too. I dunno if I do really. I mean, I’ve never liked anyone this much before but I don’t want to be one of those people who just think they’re in love when they’re not really. Oh well, I’ll just assume I am for the time being!

A bit later, he went to try and do 2 but I managed to stop him by holding his hand. I don’t really know why I did.t just let him. I think it was because I’d sobered up a bit and realised that there were probably security cameras about and also that Dad could walk past going to the pub at any time! It’s comforting to know that Jake stopped when I wanted him to though.

The car was totally steamed up by the time I got out! I didn’t really want to leave because he didn’t either but it had got quite late.

When I got in bed, I received a message from Jake saying, “HI! HAH I’VE GOT MY PHONE WITH ME THIS TIME! DID YOU WAKE ANYONE? WAS IT WRONG OF ME TO MAKE A MOVE ON YOU? I JUST WANT US TO BE HAPPY! LOVE YOU! J xxxxx”.

I asked him then if he’d woken anyone up and then told him I didn’t mind him making a move and that it was the lack of time that was the problem because the more we’d have done, the more I’d have wanted to stay (or something along those lines). He replied, “NO! FOR ONCE I DIDN’T WAKE ANYONE UP! ARE YOU SURE? I DIDN’T WANT TO FORCE YOU INTO SOMETHING OR SEEM LIKE I DIDN’T CARE! I WANTED TO STAY WITH YOU! LOVE J x”.

I assured him that I wasn’t bothered and that I know he cares and that he wasn’t forcing me to do anything I didn’t want to. He sent me one back saying, “ALRIGHT THEN! : ) I JUST WASN’T SURE BECAUSE OF ALL THAT “AGREEMENT” MESS!! IT’S NOT FAIR! I WANT TO BE WITH YOU NOW! LOADS AND LOADS OF LOVE JAKE xxxxx”,

I sent him another asking what wasn’t fair and then told him that I wanted to be with him too seeing as I was in bed! He replied, “NO I MEANT IT’S NOT FAIR THAT WE HAD TO GO HOME! I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT WHATEVER HAPPENS IT’S BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! YOU IN BED IS WHERE I WANT TO BE! LOVE J x”.

I then sent him one last message (at about 2:15 am!) saying I was going to attempt at getting some sleep and he said, “SORRY YOU’RE RIGHT! I NEED SLEEP TOO BUT I DON’T THINK IT’S GOING TO HAPPEN BECAUSE I’M THINKING ABOUT YOU! NIGHT NIGHT! : ) LOVE YOU LOADS xxxxx”.

I like him soooo much!!!

Bye!

Living off Kit Kats and bananas – 18th April 2000

Tuesday 18th I’ve had a fairly boring day today. Hayley was bored too so we met up in her village for a while this afternoon and were bored together.

I went to see my Grandma S tonight. She’s living off Kit Kats and bananas at the moment. Mum’s really worried about her and now I’m really worried about Mum cos she’s not getting much sleep now.

Jake’s out in Warrington tonight. I could’ve gone but he didn’t really give me much notice and a loads of my sister’s mates were going too. I’ve had some nice messages off him though, such as when I offered to leave him alone so he could get drunk. He said, “NO! DON’T LEAVE ME ALONE! I HATE BEING WITHOUT YOU!! LOVE YOU LOADS xxxxx”. Then later I got, “HONESTLY I’M NOT DRUNK! OTHERWISE I WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO TEXT YOU!! I NEVER WANT ANYONE ELSE BUT YOU! : ) LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD! xxxxx”. Aaahh, sweet!

Bye!

Sleep never happened! – 16th & 17th April 2000

Sunday 16th to Monday 17th Last night was Denzel Chadwick’s (Denny’s) birthday party and it turned out to be quite good in the end.

Hayley bought a card before we went for me, her and Sarah to sign and she told me to ask Jake if he wanted us to put his name in it too. I sent him a message asking that and whether he thought I should wear my short black skirt or my blue one. He replied, “YEH PUT MY NAME IN IT PLEASE! AS AN EXPERT IN FEMALE FASHION, I’D FIRSTLY ASK… WHAT WILL YOU BE WEARING WITH IT? SECONDLY YOU WON’T BE WAITING FOR A TAXI…” and then, “SO THE DECISION IS A PURELY AESTHETIC ONE!! OH WHAT THE HELL!..… GO WITH THE LITTLE BLACK NUMBER! SEE YOU LATER! LOVE YOU LOADS : ) JAKE xxxxx”. That’s what I wanted to hear!

Denny lives in an old converted barn thing by the horse riding stables and it is so nice! When I arrived, everyone was saying how much they wanted to live there!

Jake arrived a bit later than me and looked drop dead gorgeous as always! I didn’t really see much of him at the start cos everyone was wandering round exploring the house but we got sat down together eventually. I kept wanted to get up and see what was going on elsewhere but he tried to make me stay by hanging on to my arm or something every time!

At one point, somebody told him I thought he was boring (which if I did say, I can’t remember and wouldn’t have meant it seriously anyway) and we had about 10 minutes of not talking to each other because he thought I’d said that and I was annoyed that he didn’t believe me that I wouldn’t have meant it but it didn’t take long for us to make up again!

The people who weren’t staying over all left by about 1:00 am and the rest of us claimed our places on the sofas or the floor ready to attempt going to sleep. Sleep never happened!

Jake and I shared the long sofa under his sleeping bag so we were fairly comfy. He had his arms round me all night even though he must have got uncomfortable. I gave him the option to move them but he kept saying he was okay. It was really nice and would’ve been better if the room hadn’t been full of other people.

We were kissing for pretty much most of the night and he did have his hand up my top at one point. I sat forward at one point to get some water and he had a go at undoing my bra but was unsuccessful so I did it for him. In the early hours of the morning, we got to 2/3 over pants but with no time for any effect cos Gethin started trying to drag the sleeping bag off us. Gethin sent Jake a message at about 5 am telling him to hurry up and shag me, basically. I saw it but pretended I didn’t and asked Jake what it said. As usual, he didn’t tell me!

As other people began to start moving around, I went tired and so did Jake. We just lay there and he cuddled me for ages and stroked my hair and kept kissing my face. He’s so sweet!

Eventually we had to get up too and Jake stood on the sofa, jumped off and twatted his head on the light on the ceiling! I think he was in pain but it was quite amusing for the rest of us! Then he couldn’t find his shirt and a shoe but did finally and got a lift home with Niall Cafferty. Sarah and I ordered a taxi but it was about an hour late so we just sat and talked about what had happened.

I’d had 3 matchmaking missions for the night:

  • Maeve Ackerley and Henry Rockwell
  • Lucy Jacobs and Brian Hobbs
  • Cat and Floyd

Cat eventually agreed to snog Floyd as long as he didn’t ask her out and he agreed and they got it together outside. Lucy and Brian left quite early but were apparently together for most of the night. Nothing happened with Henry and Maeve though.

Emma and I managed to get Hayley and some lad called Rich together by grabbing one each and throwing them into a corner.

Bridget Linehan and Chris Kelly-Banks were caught together in an upstairs room that was meant to be out of bounds and are now supposed to be going out with each other.

Nigel Groves asked Freda out, Emma snogged Niall and I think Lizzie snogged Gethin. Sarah will not be pleased about that last one.

James Douglas (a.k.a. Dougie) talks in his sleep. Just as everyone was settling down, we heard, “No!! Get away from me! No!!” The whole room was silent for a few seconds before everyone collapsed in fits of laughter when we realised he was asleep!

I managed to get some sleep when I got home and then when I woke up at about 4:00 pm, I got a message from Jake saying, “HI! SORRY IF I’VE WOKEN YOU! I’M STILL REALLY TIRED BUT I CAN’T SLEEP! I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU! I WANT TO WAKE UP LYING NEXT TO YOU! LOVE YOU SO MUCH! J xxx”. That was so nice to wake up to!

Hayley phoned me a while ago and told me that after Jake had been told I’d said he was boring, he’d grabbed hold of her and had asked really seriously if that’s what I thought. She told him I didn’t and that every time she speaks to me I go on about how fine he is but he just said to her, “Well I can be fine and boring, can’t I?!” I felt awful then so she sent him a message telling him that I didn’t think he’s boring and that I’m worried he thinks I think that.

Hayley phoned me again and said he’d sent her 2 back, the first one saying to tell me not to worry cos Gethin had told him and he’s hardly a reliable source of information and then he said he knows he’s more interesting when drunk! The 2nd one said, “BUT I REALLY ENJOYED LAST NIGHT/THIS MORNING – BUT I DON’T LIKE GETTING SO DRUNK I CAN’T REMEMBER ANYTHING! PLEASE TELL HER NOT TO WORRY – I LOVE HER SO MUCH : )”.

I thought that was really sweet how he admitted to someone else that he loves me! He’s not said it properly out of text messages though.

Bye!