I need hugs all the time – 10th January 2001

Wednesday 10th That’s it, my last day with Jake over. 😦

This is what I wrote in my card to him. →

Letter to Jake

I didn’t go to college this morning because I’m not going to see him for so long so he came round to my house. When he came in, we just didn’t say anything and hugged instead which made us both cry a bit. We were both really tired so we went and lay on my bed and actually wasted time by falling asleep. It was nice though!

He took me to McDonald’s for lunch before I went to my biology lesson. I needed to go because Mr C was going through something that I haven’t understood.

When I met up with him again, we got a few photos of us copied for him to take with him and then we went to his house for a while so he could sort some stuff out.

We ate our last Chinese together for tea and then went to watch Charlie’s Angels at the cinema at the Trafford Centre in an attempt to take our minds off him leaving. It was a good film and we discovered you can move the armrests to make a double seat. It’s a shame we never discovered that before! We had a few really good kisses too!

I hadn’t got upset until he drove us back and we sat in the car park on Hodge Drive. We talked a bit but were mainly in floods of tears. He was crying so hard I was worrying about him at one point!

He drove me home at about 1am and we sat on my drive for a bit. I just couldn’t bring myself to get out of the car and leave him! We just couldn’t stop crying but we eventually had one last kiss and one last hug before I counted to 3 in my head and got out of the car. We waved at each other as he drove off and I watched him until I couldn’t see him round the corner.

When I got in, Mum was in bed but still awake and she have me a hug and told me it’d be okay. I hope she’s right! I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to him. I just love him so much!

I can’t believe I’m not going to be able to see him or touch him now. I need hugs all the time but he won’t be here anymore. 😦

He’s left me Preston, his pink shirt, his Issey Miyaki aftershave, a card and a 10 page letter which made me cry even more because it’s so nice.

I’m really going to miss him.


[This is his card and 10 page letter to me…]

Jake's letter page 1

Jake's letter page 2

Jake's letter page 3

Jake's letter page 4

Jake's letter page 5

Jake's letter page 6

Jake's letter page 7

Jake's letter page 8

Jake's letter page 9

Jake's letter page 10


The shortarse cow! – 7th to 9th January 2001

Sunday 7th It was Jake’s dad’s birthday yesterday so Jake and I went to the Trafford Centre so he could get him a present!

He also bought Ronan Keating’s album cos he likes him (so do I) so he could record it onto minidisc and I could have the CD ‘til he comes home.

We also bought some keyrings that fit together but rather than a soppy heart or something, we got 2 bears on phones. They’re really nice. I think they’re those “Me to You” bears with the blue noses.

Me to You bear

[All that hoarding has come in (slightly) handy again.]


Monday 8th It was Presentation Evening at school tonight when they give out the A-Level and GCSE certificates so Jake was there. I had to go too cos Swing Band were playing. It was sooo boring (as always!) but the guest speaker (Mr Guest!) was worse than the usual ones they get in. His speech was complete crap and Emma and I were just sat in hysterics all the way through. I noticed a lot of people in the audience snigger and stuff too, included my dad who was totally taking the piss!

Everyone went to The Coach afterwards for a well needed drink and everyone out of Jake’s year who knows he’s going on Thursday started saying goodbye to him. It was awful! We both had a bit of a cry about it afterwards.


Tuesday 9th I’ve got one day left with Jake now before he leaves to go to Canada. It’s sooooo upsetting and we cried lots and lots when we saw each other.

That bitch of a teacher, Miss P, said that some deputy head will probably want a word with me and Emma about laughing last night! Hah, I think I’d have died of boredom otherwise! I bet she’s told him our names, the shortarse cow! (I REALLY don’t like her!)

When I saw Jake after college, we cried lots more cos we really don’t want to be split up. He told me it hurts a lot and he’s right!

Henry Rockwell told me other stuff that Hayley’s said about me. She said nastily, “We’ll all be seeing a lot more of Tessa now Jake is going!” and she overheard someone say that Jake wouldn’t touch Hayley with a barge pole but apparently she thinks I’ve manipulated him into thinking that! Twisted cow!


Everyone hates Hayley – 5th January 2001

Friday 5th A big group of us did The Run [a pub crawl] tonight and I discovered that everyone hates Hayley cos she’s been such a bitch to everyone.

The Run

[Left to right: Hayley, Cat, me, Jake, Floyd, Karen, Lizzie and Gethin.]

Sarah told me that when we went for a Chinese, Hayley had told her in the toilets that once Jake’s gone, I’ll try and muscle in on their friendship! Bitch! I don’t like her now either!

Jake got really, really pissed and was hugging everyone (he even managed to fall on the floor with Maisie!) and stuff. He started falling asleep in his Chinese when we got back to mine and I got photographic evidence!


[The photographic evidence.]

He stayed at mine and if he hadn’t have been so drunk I think something could’ve happened but he just fell asleep!


A pub not a youth centre – 4th January 2001

Thursday 4th We all had to go back to college today which wasn’t much fun.

When lessons were finally over, Hayley and I went to meet to meet up with Michael Amhurst. He’s got a car so he picked us up from outside the school and we went to The Coach and Horses.

We expected it to be awkward but it wasn’t too bad actually. He seems really nice (personality-wise) and was okay looking. He told us stuff about school and that he does rowing and which universities he’s applied for and stuff. It was quite weird seeing him after so long actually!


[Left to right: Isaac, Hayley, me and Michael after getting chucked out of the pub.]

We ended up getting chucked out of The Coach by this big gruff woman who works there cos we weren’t all drinking something and she yelled at us about it being a pub not a youth centre or something.

There was no-one else in there except the 3 of us and a few of our mates so Cat decided to be cheeky and asked her if she needed the space! Then Hayley pointed out that she’d just finished her drink and the gruff woman turned round and told her to get out so the rest of us went too, leaving a completely empty pub!

Jake came round to mine eventually this evening. We didn’t do much except talk. He told me I’m a really good kisser and that if he was 3 years older he’d marry me! 🙂 Cool! He then asked if we can pretend instead so I said we could cos that sounded really sweet!

That Dido song that’s on the radio all the time now is really going to remind me of Jake leaving because it always comes on when we’re together now!

Michael gave me a lift home after that which I thought was really nice of him cos I’d have had to walk otherwise.


Then Jake had a nosebleed – 2nd to 3rd January 2001

[Oh, God. I knew this was coming up soon and have been dreading it. It took me a while to to even read the diary entry in full, never mind type it up. Probably best you don’t read it really. Ok, bye!]

Tuesday 2nd to Wednesday 3rd This evening, Jake and I plus Sarah, Lizzie, Cat, Karen, Gethin, Floyd and Hayley all went for a Chinese meal at Cathay Dim Sum at the Trafford Centre. We got a big banquet and it was really good apart from Hayley who wouldn’t try anything until she realised that if she had her own dish she’d have to pay less (but ate ours anyway), the stingy cow!

After the food, we all went to The Dog. It was sort of Jake’s leaving do so we had to go there for it’s like tradition now!

Hayley and I had some messages off Michael Amhurst arranging to meet up while he’s staying around here.

After Jake dropped everyone at home, we headed back to the Trafford Centre because he booked a room at the Travel Inn there for us. We wouldn’t have been able to stay anywhere on New Year’s Eve so we did it now instead. We were in room number 3 on the bottom floor which is the 2nd window to the right of reception, I think.

We had the TV on for a bit and just cuddled on the bed but Jake switched it off so we could talk instead. I was pretty tired and kept almost dosing off. I wouldn’t have done cos I was a bit nervous about what might happen later though. Even so, Jake kept telling me that I wasn’t allowed to fall asleep so he obviously wanted something to happen.

We both got into our pyjamas and brushed our teeth and stuff before switching the lights off and getting into bed. We kissed and stuff for a bit and then he reached for his toilet bag. At that point, my stomach started tying itself in knots!

He asked if I wanted to give it a go. I could very easily have chickened out but I forced myself to say yes cos deep down I wanted to so I didn’t want to let nerves stop me! He told me that he was nervous too and that it didn’t matter if it was a total disaster! That made me feel quite a lot better actually!

We were just kissing to begin with. It was about 2am by this time but I just wasn’t tired anymore. It must have been the adrenaline or something! I was kind of wanting him to just hurry up so we could just do it and get it over with!

We did in the end. It was nowhere near as bad as I thought it’d be but it still wasn’t brilliant! It seemed to be over really quickly and he apologised. I didn’t really know why he’d said sorry so I asked him a few minutes later when we were just lying there. He took ages to think how he could say it and there were a lot of erms and ums before he said we just need a bit more practice.

We just lay there for ages and I might possibly have dosed off for a bit but there was a point when we were both awake and Jake asked if I wanted to give it another go. I ended up saying no because I’d been bleeding a tiny bit. I think that’s normal but me, being me, worried about it a bit anyway!

A bit later on, I woke up and felt a wet patch on my head. I had no idea what it was until I turned to Jake and saw him crying. I thought at first it was because I’d said no but then he explained it was because he doesn’t want to go to Canada.

We both fell asleep in the end and, when we woke up this morning, we stayed in bed for ages, just cuddling. We eventually had to get out of bed when the cleaners started going round the rooms. One knocked on our door but we had loads of time left before we had to go so she went away again.

Then Jake had a nosebleed. I think it was because he’d been blowing his nose a lot to try and clear it cos he’s got a cold but it was quite a bad one

When we got back to my house, we took Mollie for a walk and then collapsed on my bed. We just chatted and stuff.

This evening, we went round to Floyd’s for a bit and then later I got a message from Jake saying he’s sorry and that he feels stupid. I think he was referring to last night so I reassured him it wasn’t that bad and he seemed to cheer up a bit!


I had a hug off Dougie – 31st December 2000 to 1st January 2001

Sunday 31st to Monday 1st



Freda Fernandez had a New Year party at her house this year so most of my friends went there cos Freda’s parties are usually good! Everyone just got drunk and talked a lot and kissed a lot! Nothing majorly interesting happened but it was still good!

new year 01

[Here we are on the night.]

When Big Ben struck 12:00 and 2001 began, the first thing I did was kiss Jake and we wished each other happy new year. I had a hug off Dougie then which was a good follow up before everyone else started hugging me.

dougie new year 2001

[13 year old me would have swooned so much if she’d known she’d one day get a hug off Dougie.]

The party ended at about 2am and Jake stayed over at mine. I stayed in his bed for a while which was nice.

Jake and I didn’t do much during New Year’s Day. We got bored so went to the Trafford Centre for a bit but then came home and watched TV.

It was sooo nice having New Year with someone that I really love like this. It’s never happened before!