All I Want For Christmas Is Ralph – 11th December 1997

Thursday 11th When I got to school this morning I gave Dougie his card. Lizzie was there and when he’d gone she told me he’d been telling her about the drink behind the temporary block. I dunno why he mentioned it coz the rest of us didn’t. Maybe it was a really memorable moment for him or summit, you know, his first swig of alcohol! The 1st thing he said to me when I got into Geography was, “You had any side effects from last night?”

Then Lizzie brought up the subject of sheep and I knew what she was about to say, “Remember those sheep in Bangor?” It’s just embarrassing coz in Year 8 we went on a week with school to Wales and there were these sheep around our building and we named one Dougie and then Freda called the other one Tess. Uh, she keeps bringing it up and I think Dougie was embarrassed too.

They were playing the video from last night in Mr P’s room at lunch and I told Dougie. He kept asking me if I was going. I did and I was on most of it coz all the people talking were stood by me. Then Swing Band came on playing ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ and Emma and I smiled at each other coz last night I had hold of the programme and I said to Emma, “I should write ‘All I Want For Christmas Is Ralph’ on it!” Then this lunch when it came on the video, Dougie caught us smiling and Emma told him why. He was sat there killing himself laughing and eventually said, “I’ll tell Ralph you said that!”

If I get a funny look from Ralph tomorrow, that’s probably why!


[Now I’ve got the Ralph version of ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ stuck in my head.

*sings exactly like Mariah* I don’t want a lot for Christmas…]


If I like him, I like him and if I don’t, I don’t – 10th December 1997

Wednesday 10th I gave Ralph his card. I didn’t want to in front of his mates but I had no other choice so as he was walking past I shoved it in his face.

I didn’t give Freddie his coz I didn’t see him so I’m gunna get Emma to give it him tomorrow in Geography.

I didn’t give Dougie his either. I just didn’t want to coz he wasn’t my favourite person his afternoon. I’m trying to stop myself from liking him but it doesn’t seem to be working.

We had a practice all afternoon for the Xmas Concert. I tried to avoid Dougie but I didn’t manage it very well. I’ve given up now and if I like him, I like him and if I don’t, I don’t.

I was a bit miserable this afternoon, basically coz it was boring but I told myself I would enjoy it tonight. Even though, I missed the soccer which Man U lost 1-0 but it doesn’t really matter coz they’re at the top of their group for UEFA and have got through.

December 1997 - Xmas Concert

I got there and most people in the concert were already there. I walked in the room and had to walk out again after I saw Emma to try and stop myself from laughing. She had her hair in 2 stupid looking bunches on top of her head with tinsel in them!

I wrapped tinsel round my flute and ponytail coz everyone else had. I wasn’t nervous coz it’s not like I’m on my own or owt. We went in and got on with it.

At the interval, we all went into the canteen to get food and stuff. There were loads of mince pies and cans of beer and lager. Emma asked Mrs C if she could have a can but she wasn’t allowed, surprise surprise!

Later in the interval, people were just starting to go back in the Drama Studio and Emma and Olivia went off somewhere and left me with Dougie and Robert Osbourne. Dougie’s family walked past and his littlest sis said something to him and grinned at me. I couldn’t hear what she said but Dougie looked a bit embarrassed.

A few minutes later, Emma and Olivia came back with a can of beer. We all went outside and Olivia went. The other 4 of us went round the back of the temporary block where it was dark and drank it. It was stupid really, 1 can between the 4 of us!

I told Dougie I had a card for him and I’ve got to give it to him tomorrow.


P.S. Dougie’s family’s new car is a green Ford Galaxy, reg. R*** G**.

I know it’s sad getting that but I noticed so I thought I might as well write it down.

I’ll just have to concentrate on Ralph! – 9th December 1997

Tuesday 9th Twice today someone has commented on me and Ralph. The first time was at lunch when Emma and I were going out of school and they (Ralph and mates) were going back in. As we passed them, Graham Baxter said, “There’s Ralph’s bird!” and pointed at me.

Then the 2nd time was when I gave him another Xmas card from Hayley to give to Will Fernley. Ralph was walking up the stairs and I gave him the card and said, “Give that to Ferny.” He was with Owen Kendal who said to Ralph, “Ooh, she’s giving you love letters”. I just yelled, “It’s from Hayley!” I nearly added “you wanker” or summit on the end but there were teachers about.

It was quite funny coz before Ferny came, they were holding it up to the light trying to see what Hayley had written (she nearly went out with him once but changed her mind at the last minute) and then when he came up they all crowded round him whilst he opened it.

I’ve done Ralph, Dougie and Freddie Xmas cards but I won’t see Freddie so someone else will have to give it to him. I don’t want to give one to Ralph coz his mates or my mates might take the piss. I just don’t wanna give one to Dougie but I’ve written it now!

Dougie was over at our bench at lunch accusing Emma (again) of telling people about him and Anna Collins. He then asked us if he had summit on his back. Paranoid bastard! Sorry, that’s tight.

I’ve got a bloody Xmas concert at school tomorrow night with the orchestra and I’m gunna miss the soccer. It’s Man Utd v Juventus and it’s on TV and I’m gunna have to take me Walkman in with me. I’m not missing a match like that just because of some shit concert!

It’s just boring now Dougie’s going out with this girl. It’s not worth bothering with him no. I’ll just have to concentrate on Ralph!


Dougie’s got a girlfriend – 8th December 1997

Monday 8th [MEGABOMBSHELL!!] It’s not fair! Dougie’s got a girlfriend.

She’s called Anna Collins and goes to this orchestra with him and people keep saying she’s really weird with the clothes she wears and stuff. Becky the Year 9 (who’s mates with her) said that Anna’s fancied Dougie for ages [Who hadn’t?] and he liked her and then on Friday night she asked Dougie to ask her out to see what she’d say. He did and she said yes. I’m sure he was one of the people who said she was weird!

I had to give him a Xmas card from Hayley today coz she was too scared to give it to him herself. So when he came up the stairs for registration, I gave it to him. He said thanks so I told him who it was from. He came over and stood really close next to me and told me to tell Mrs S that Theo Papadoukjkhvcfn (I can’t spell it!) would be late for form.

As he was talking, he sort of covered his face with the register he’d got for his form so no-one could see what he was saying to me. I got a funny look off Sarah. He was being really nice. I really wanted to ask him if it was true about Anna but I didn’t wanna sound interested so I didn’t bother. Maybe it won’t last long.

I had to give Ralph his card from Hayley too and he looked quite pleased when I first gave it to him until I told him it wasn’t from me. I s’pose Ralph’s still single but I don’t even know if he likes me anymore!

After school I had a flute lesson with Emma and we had to wait around for a bit so we decided to go to the shop. We passed Ralph getting his bike and he and Emma made a deal that they would give each other Xmas cards. We walked ahead and he set off. I could see him coming up behind us but when he started riding next to me, it scared Emma for some reason.

This is summit like the conversation until we went:-

Ralph: Hi.
Tess (me): Oh, hi.
Emma: AAARRGHH! Ralph don’t do that, you scared me!
Ralph: (To 1st Years) Move!
Tess: Kill ‘em! (I pushed his bike so he nearly hit one.) [Bit tight. 1st Years are people too!]
R: Careful!
(Emma and Ralph start talking about summit.)
E: I thought you’d be at Air Cadets.
R: No, I don’t go anymore.
E: Do the others?
R: It was only really me and Ferny. Oh, and Jade. I want a Christmas card off you too, Tess.
T: I’ll see.
E: She’s been trying to decide whether to give you one all day.
(I tried to make some excuse about not having all that many cards.)
R: D’you know what Hayley wrote in Freddie’s card?
T + E: No.
R: From Hayley!
(We got to the end of the road.)
R: I’m going now. (He said that to me.)
T: There was summit I had to tell you.
R: What?
T: I can’t remember. I’ll tell you tomorrow if I do.
R: Okay, bye.
T: Bye.

There wasn’t anything to tell him really. I dunno why I said that. [I know why I said that. I wanted to be near him for longer because I luuuuurved him – especially now Dougie was off the market.]

Oh yeah, I’ve just remembered summit else awful that’s happened. It was the draw for the 3rd round of the F.A. Cup at the weekend and out of all those bloody teams, Man Utd have ended up with Chelsea. I bet the Chelsea fans are shitting themselves but it’s a bad draw for United as well. Chelsea are only 2nd in the league, right behind Man U and if anyone’s going to beat ‘em, it’ll probably be Chelsea. Man U have the disadvantage of it being an away match too.


P.S. Geography and orchestra and stuff are going to be a bit more boring now that Dougie’s no longer single. Damn it!

I’ve never had a boyfriend – 7th December 1997

Sunday 7th Emma came round today. We didn’t really do anything. I was trying to guess who she fancies but I still don’t know and she was trying to guess who I fancy. I’ve not told her yet but she knows about Dougie anyway, it’s just Ralph I won’t admit to liking coz it’s just embarrassing!

Emma was also trying to guess what happened in Scotland. Nothing did and I don’t know where she’s got it from. Now she thinks I went with [snogged] Alex in Wick in the summer. I was enjoying winding her up and she’s drawn her own conclusions. I never told her one way or the other. She still doesn’t know for sure so I’m going to keep her hanging! I hope she doesn’t say owt to anyone!

It started off when she was saying, “What happened in Scotland?” I asked her why she thought something had and she told me that it was just little things I’d said like, “I hope the McLeans are home for Christmas.” I said that coz they moved to Shetland in the summer and I like one of their sons, Alex. I’ve never even really talked to him properly.

I then asked Emma what she thought had happened and she said it was probably summit to do with Alex. I admitted to that coz it’s not a lie coz I liked him and his brother told him.

She then started trying to guess what she thought could have happened and it was all things like, “Did he ask you out?” and “Is he your boyfriend?” and “Did you go with [snog] him?” I didn’t actually answer to any of them so she narrowed it down herself by watching my face when she said each one. I think I said “No” when the boyfriend bit came up so she counted that one out.

I then offered to read her my diary from that holiday and I had quite a bit of soppy stuff written about him which I giggled to myself at and completely missed out of reading to her. That must’ve given her the impression that something did happen and she kept saying to me, “Did you go with him? Did you go with him?” I just kept silent and giggled for these reasons:-

  1. I was really enjoying winding her up.
  2. It sounds sad that I’ve never been with anyone so I kind of wanted her to think I had.

But it’s not like I’ve lied about it because I never actually said, “Yes, I did  go with Alex McLean.” I just didn’t say anything.

I feel really guilty now. No, guilty’s not right, more worried. [Hence the long diary entry.] Worried that she’ll find out nothing actually happened in Scotland and everyone will think I’m stupid for making such a big fuss. Well, not everyone coz I’ve not said anything to anyone but Emma.

Really I just want to tell her that it was all a big wind up but then she’ll go back to thinking [knowing] that I’ve never had a boyfriend. I haven’t but I don’t want people to think that.

Oh well, I never actually said I had so I’ll try and forget about it.


[Anyone else remember embellishing upon or just downright lying about things happening with boys/girls when you were younger?

I’m pretty sure I wasn’t the only one doing this to appear to be keeping up with my friends…. although they were potentially fibbing about snogging too!]

It was absolutely mingin’! – 5th & 6th December 1997

Friday 5th I’ve had a pretty bad day.

I was baking in Food Tech and it was a complete disaster! The mixture was like bloody elastic! I dunno how I managed that. Then I didn’t have time to decorate it. I tried a bit of one when they were sort of cooked and it was absolutely mingin’!

I gave up in the end and helped Hayley. Then, just to make matters worse, Ralph and Freddie and mates all came to have a look so I had to shove them all in a tin before Ralph came to inspect them coz he’s a dead good cook and says he’s going to be a chef.

In P.S.E. we’d put bets on (me, Lizzie, Emma and Cat) on what Dougie would say if I asked him, “Are you and Emma friends again, then?” So I did and he sort of looked like he was gunna say no but he grunted summit instead. I also asked him if Freddie fancies Emma coz Ralph keeps saying he does and Dougie said, “I dunno, I’ll ask him.”

Dougie’s sleeping at Ed’s house tonight and they’re going Christmas shopping in Warrington. How boring!!! I still wanna go though!


[If sport bores your face off as much as it does mine nowadays, stop reading this now and go and find something more exciting to do. Quick!! Things are about to get football…]

Saturday 6th

December 1997 - Scarves

I’ve had a day of sitting in front of the TV watching Sky Sports today. I’ll tell you about the football first.



What a result!

Brillint innit?! Well, for Man Utd fans anyway. It was a great game, the sort that keeps you constantly on the edge of your seat. The first goal was from Andy Cole and was at a good time coz it really kept you watching. Unfortunately, a bad tackle from Nicky Butt and Phil Neville gave LFC a penalty which Robbie Fowler got in after sending Schmeichel the wrong way by stalling before booting it in the corner. L’pool had quite a lot of possession after that and it was getting worrying every time McManaman stormed up United’s end. [Where did I get this shite from?!] Then we got a free kick close to goal which Beckham sent over James and into the Liverpool goal. I relaxed slightly after that as it was quite far on in the game. Just to finish it, Cole got another after Sheringham headed it to him.

It was a great match but I promised Hayley I wouldn’t say anything to her coz she predicted Man U would win and everybody will take the piss out of the poor, humiliated Scousers. Including me! HA HA!!! [Soz, Scousers.]

Then after the soccer there was the rugby on. England v All Blacks. Nobody could quite believe it when England were up 23-9 at the end of the 1st half. NZ did catch up though and took the lead for a while in the 2nd 40 mins but England actually caught up again and the end result was 26-26. It was pretty good considering the strength of the All Blacks. It was a really great game and really nerve-wracking.

I tried to phone Emma this evening about my English homework but it was permanently engaged. I’m really panicking about it. I’ve got an essay on The Crucible to do and I’ve no idea where to start so she’d better be in tomorrow.


Fit but full of himself – 4th December 1997

Thursday 4th I was on my own in Geography again coz Lizzie and Poppy still aren’t in school. I got in the room before Dougie and Neil and I was already sat down when Dougie came in. He stood at my desk and I thought he was going to sit there for a minute!

He started talking to me and said, “Where’s Lizzie?” I told him she was probably ill and he said summit about him thinking she’d missed the bus. Somehow we got onto the subject of Emma and he said, “I don’t hate her, you know.” I said, “Well, she seems to think you do.” I explained why she thought that, you know, after ‘the look’ yesterday. Then he said, “I like her.” [NnnooOOOOooooo!!] I hope he doesn’t! Well, he can like her but not fancy her!

It was so good at skiing tonight. There wasn’t enough room on the minibus so me and Emma had to go int car with Mr S the P.E. teacher.

(I’ve decided I don’t really like Freddie anymore coz Emma said he said he doesn’t like me when she asked him. He asked us to go ice skating though!)

When we got there we went in a building and they split us up into skiers and total beginners. That put me with my mates and Ralph and Neil. [Total beginners.] We managed to get the boots on and went outside. I ended up stood next to Ralph. We were on the nursery slope (there was another bigger one) and with this fit but full of himself bloke called Simon.

When we put our skis on, Ralph kept asking if he could hold on to me. As if I would mind!

December 1997 - Skiing

Simon kept telling is how to walk and fall and stuff but we just wanted to get up there. We had to edge our way up sideways in a line and go down one by one. He made Emma go first. I didn’t fall over once. I was really pleased with myself. Oh, well, I did fall over when Ralph and Orson Platt pushed the line and we all went like dominoes!

Simon was making us do little jumps and stuff and it was really good. Eventually he let us go up on the rope thing that pulled you up.

On the way back, Rani joined us in the car and we were discussing the “Top Bloke” in our year coz Mr S asked. I said Ralph and he laughed. I was being serious, honest! I told Ralph when we got back and yelled, “Ralph, you’re the top lad in our year!” He just smiled. Ahh, sweet.


[I’d go as far as to say there was some actual flirting occurring between Ralph and I on that nursery slope. 

Runcorn: Romance capital of the north.]