I don’t want him to want me to look like a doll! – 2nd March 2001

Friday 2nd
4 weeks + 6 days to go!

I think my friends and I may have finally managed to put Sarah off Maz. We told her the “Bluebell” story about him! The story goes that Maz took his first girlfriend up the arse and he trapped a nerve or something in his knob which caused it to go blue, therefore he gained the nickname Bluebell!! Ha ha!! Sarah’s pretty disgusted by the whole thing and we intend to keep reminding her of it every time she mentions him!

Jake phoned at about 4:30pm. He said the first aid course is really good and they’re learning how to do all sorts of stuff. He kept saying how he wants to come home though. I really want him to come home too. I miss him sooooooo much!! I was saying how I want some new pyjamas and he sort of laughed at me and told me that I was really cute! He told me he wants me to get some jeans like Jessie the Cowgirl! That worries me slightly! I don’t want him to want me to look like a doll!

I discovered that my right hand still tingled after I held my arm above my head in the shower. I hope it all gets back to normal soon. 😦 It’s not very nice.

I went to Manchester tonight for Freda’s birthday. It was really good and surprisingly cheap! There were 8 of us that went altogether:

Freda
Julian
Gethin (those 3 are gay)
Cat
Sarah
Lizzie
Karen
Me

We went on the train to Oxford Road, I think. The 3 gay ones were the only ones that knew where they were going so the rest of us just followed. Of course, that meant we were heading straight for Canal Street!

We went in 3 places around there but after the 3rd one where there was a bloke in drag playing constant Steps songs, the rest of us decided to find somewhere straight. I mean, we don’t have a problem with gay people, it’s just that it was kind of pointless for us to be there seeing as we wanted to pull blokes! Well, I didn’t of course cos I’ve got Jake 🙂 but I’m the matchmaker when we go out so I was needed with the girls!

We didn’t really know where we were going so we just wandered the streets of Manchester, collecting leaflets from people from clubs and stuff for free drinks and things. The first place we found was called Elemental because we picked up loads of these and decided we might as well use them →

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It was a bit dead in there though and had a look of college about it so we left after a free drink or two!

The next place we went to was Soft, I think, cos we got free entry and £1 drinks, just for being girls! It was a bit more lively in there so we stayed for a while. Sarah and Lizzie pulled a bloke each in there but that was it for the night. Nobody else had any success.

We then headed for Infinity but we discovered it cost £6 just to get in so we sacked that idea and wandered the streets for a bit longer. I was the most sober so I had Cat linking one arm and Sarah linking the other so they could stay on their feet but the problem was that they kept staggering in different directions so it was really hard controlling them both!

We went in Bar 38 for all of 2 minutes (it looked crap!) so we went back to Soft. It’d quietened down a bit thought so we went in search of food before meeting up with the other 3 to go home.

02-03-01 Manchester - Bar 38 drunkards

[The state in Bar 38.]

We found a chippy with some very fit man serving food so we went in! He told us off for messing with the light switch so we got a good look at him!

Freda’s parents picked up all up and then dropped us all off at home which was really nice of them. That meant I didn’t have to pay for a taxi so I don’t think I even spent £15 all night! 🙂

Bye!

My emails to Jake. He couldn’t send me one cos of his 1st aid thing →

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Trust me to have a thick week – 1st March 2001

Thursday 1st
5 weeks to go!

Well, I spent another 3 hours this afternoon failing 2 more Biology exams. 😦 Trust me to have a thick week when I’ve got exams! They were both really hard, I thought. The resit was again a bit harder and the problem is that I was only one mark from failing the first time round so I need to do much better. I’ll be extremely surprised if I have.

Jake phoned at about 7:05pm today cos he knew my exams went on quite late after college so I wouldn’t be home for 4:30pm. He told me that there’s a chance he might be coming home a week early because it’s not snowed much where he’s skiing and the weather’s beginning to warm up so what snow there is already could melt. He said that most other people would stay anyway and just not ski but he’d rather come home. 🙂 He told me that it would cost money to come home early but it’d probably be cheaper to come home than stay an extra week.

He’s started a first aid course tonight so he won’t be able to email me tonight or tomorrow night unfortunately.

I got a bit upset tonight cos I’ve begun to worry about this weird thing that made my arm and legs go numb. It’s just that I was trying to talk to Mum about it to get it off my chest but she just got annoyed with me and told me I was being daft worrying.

Bye!01-03-01 Jake email01-03-01 Tess email

Today’s emails →

Telling “lies” about him and college girls – 26th February 2001

Monday 26th
5 weeks + 3 days to go!

I had to go back to college again today. All the ski trip people were going on about skiing. Declan filled Cat and me in on the whole Mr L thing though!

Jacqueline and Kim had been talking in the toilets about Mr L getting off with college students. Mrs L was in one of the cubicles and even though Jac was telling Kim to shut up, Kim carried on talking. Mrs L came out, called them silly little whores and asked if they got off on gossip and stuff, before going and reporting them to the teachers.

Meanwhile, Jac and Kim had wandered back to their friends (which included my sister) so when Mr L found them, he yelled at them all. He was calling them all sorts of names and even threatened to get them expelled. He kept saying how they could ruin his life and career by telling “lies” about him and college girls.

Later on, he sent Declan to his room (he’d been part of the group he yelled at) but Declan sneaked back into the bar. Mr L caught him drinking tequila slammers and told him to go to Mr C’s (the headteacher) office with his parents on Monday morning. He couldn’t have been serious cos Mr L would’ve had to explain everything to Mr C, so Declan ignored the threat.

Kim was made to apologise to Mr L, even though they both knew full well how true everything Kim said is! Mr L was saying how hurt he was and was apparently nearly crying. Prick!

Even Mr P-K (his mate) has fallen out with him, saying he’s been digging his own grave. He must suspect there’s some truth in it at least. Miss P thinks it’s all a load of “bullshit”, as do most other people.

Mrs L yelled at Mr L. Ha ha ha!!!

This has the potential to get very interesting now everyone’s back in school!

Jake didn’t ring me at 4pm. I started to worry because after last night he promised he wouldn’t do it again. I hate the feeling I get when he doesn’t phone. It’s horrible! I had to revise for my Biology exams tomorrow but I couldn’t concentrate at all.

I worry myself into a total state and it’s so horrible. I couldn’t stop crying like last night. It’s partly worry but partly annoyance for making me feel like that. I also get kind of annoyed with myself for getting like I do but I can’t help it. I do try to think positive and calm down but there’s always that awful feeling of dread in my stomach. I just don’t know what I’d do if something did happen to him but then it’s the not knowing that makes me feel so bad.

Anyway, I decided I couldn’t just sit about worrying cos I’d get no revision done so I phoned the number for his hotel from my mobile cos I had loads of credit. I didn’t think it’d work but it did. I just asked the woman if she could put me through to room 207 and she did. It only rang twice though then went silent then cut off. I tried a second time and the same thing happened.

At about 5:15pm I tried for a 3rd time. This time (to my surprise!) it worked. It was his roommate Rob who answered the phone but I had to ask who it was cos I wasn’t sure! I asked if Jake was there and he called him over. I really wasn’t expecting him to be there cos he said he was skiing. I didn’t want him to think I’d been worrying cos by this time I felt stupid for doing so and getting all worked up. I lied and said I was just ringing on the off-chance he’d be there to tell him not to ring (if he hadn’t already) cos I wasn’t going to be home for another half hour!

He said he had only just got up. He asked if I’d phoned twice before and I said I had and he explained that they tried to answer it but it probably wasn’t working cos during a food fight last night, a drink got spilt on it or something.

By the time I’d put the phone down I felt really stupid for worrying cos him not getting up was one of the things I’d been trying to convince myself of. I was also annoyed with him for putting me through that for a 2nd night running. I mean, I know I can’t expect him to ring me every day but when he stresses he will and wants to then doesn’t, that’s when I worry cos it’s not like him to break his word!

Jake phoned me back at about 6:40pm. He apologised for not phoning when he said and told me he didn’t know no-one was going skiing today. He told me he’ll ring at about 4:45pm tomorrow and that if one day he doesn’t ring at 4:30ish (before he gets the bus), he’ll ring between 7 & 8pm from Lake Louise when he has lunch.

The thing is, now he’s not rung a few times when he said he will, maybe I won’t worry as much if that happens in the future. Hopefully I won’t have to find out though! I don’t like having to worry and I do try hard not to cos Mum and people keep saying I’m pathetic but if someone you care about is so far away, wouldn’t you worry too in the same situation?

Bye!

P.S. I’ve had a slight throbbing feeling in my legs again like I did a while ago and on my left foot some of my toes and the ball of my foot feel a bit numb.

Today’s emails →

26-02-01 Jake email26-02-01 Tess email

We tried to give him a profile on Manline – 25th February 2001

Sunday 25th
5 weeks + 4 days to go!

I went skiing today!!! 🙂

It was Cat’s sister’s birthday earlier on this week and she went to Tamworth indoor snow thing and let me got too! I really did need to ski! I can still do it pretty well too! 🙂

Cat and I were both sooo excited cos we love skiing and haven’t done it for about a year. When we arrived we were already in the mood cos everywhere was snowy all the way down the motorway. We went inside and could see the main slope. We just wanted to get on and ski but you have to be allocated cards so you can only go on at a certain time.

We were finally allowed to go get our boots and skis and go onto the slope. It took ages to get to the top cos we had to go up this really slow travellator thing. Neither of us wanted to go first once we got to the top, just in case we’d forgotten how to ski! I went first in the end and I hadn’t forgotten at all! 🙂

We were only allowed on for an hour cos that’s how much £20 gets you (rip-off!) and most of the time was spent getting back up to the top cos we’re pretty fast so it didn’t take long to get to the bottom. I think we went down about 8 times altogether, which isn’t really that much.

There were some big icy patches on the slope which even good people fell over on. Cat and I didn’t fall over once though cos we had the Pra Loup experience when we spent about a week skiing on ice!

We didn’t want to stop skiing but we had to cos you get charged an extra £5 for every extra 15 minutes you ski. We got some lunch there and then looked round the Ellis Brigham shop at the ski gear. It really is a sport for rich people! It’s so unfair! I could never afford all the things you need!

I went back to Cat’s for a bit and we signed Mr L up for a few crap newsletters on the internet. We tried to give him a profile on Manline which seemed to be a gay dating site but unfortunately we ran out of time cos her dad came in to drop me off at home!

Jake told me he’d phone at 7pm tonight but he didn’t. I was really worried cos he normally phones when he says he will and he’d been saying how much he wanted to speak to me for a long time today cos he wasn’t skiing. I hate the feeling I get when he doesn’t phone. It’s a horrible sense of dread and sort of helplessness cos I can’t do anything about it.

He eventually rang at about 8:40pm and said he’d phoned home first and couldn’t get rid of his brother which is why he was so late phoning. I wasn’t annoyed with him cos it wasn’t his fault and I was just sooo relived!

He passed Level 1 of his course which means I’m now going out with a ski instructor! That does sound good! 🙂 He kept saying how pleased he is and would like to teach Cat and me how to improve at skiing! I didn’t like that idea at first cos I thought I might feel stupid and he’d show off but the more I think about it, the more I like it! He could be quite useful really! 🙂

He told me he’ll phone at about 4pm and not to worry if it’s a bit later cos he’ll be finishing his breakfast!

Bye!

Today’s emails →

25-02-01 Jake email25-02-01 Tess email

Looking as weird as ever – 23rd February 2001

Friday 23rd
5 weeks + 6 days to go!

I was just in the middle of attempting to revise when Jake phoned at about 3:40pm today! It was such a nice surprise cos I really wasn’t expecting it to be him. He said he could phone because while he’s doing the assessment he’s got to get up really early for the bus and so has breakfast at Lake Louise instead and he had loads of time before he had to start skiing.

I went out to The Dog tonight with Sarah and Cat and Isaac. Gethin was meant to come too but he didn’t turn up so we texted him. We’d told him all about what was going on but he denied all knowledge of it and said he was at someone’s house. Isaac then told us that Gethin had told him he was at the Trafford Centre.

If Gethin’s going to lie then you’d think he’d tell everyone the same story, wouldn’t you?!

Even though not many people turned up, it was still quite a good night. We just seemed to be constantly laughing at silly little things. No, we weren’t bladdered!

We moved pubs cos a couple of times before, Cat’s had to get the last bus home to her village. My ex-stalker, Paul Nutt, was in the The Woodman looking as weird as ever! [The school rumour was that he “fucked a cat and burnt it“.] 

Gethin’s “girlfriend” (we all know he’s gay really and she’s just a cover-up!) was in there too so who knows where he was and who he was with!

Sarah just came back to mine for a bit but got a taxi home not long after so it ended up being quite an early night in the end.

Bye!

P.S. I texted Michael Amhurst at The Dog just to let him know that Sarah quite liked him. They’ve now got each other’s numbers and were texting each other all night 🙂 Could this be another successful match?!!

Today’s emails →

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It’s all VERY dodgy!! – 22nd February 2001

Thursday 22nd
6 weeks to go!

Jake’s half way through his Canada trip now. I really want him to come home though because I’m REALLY REALLY missing him!!! 😦

I really should have been revising for my Biology exams next week today but instead I went with Mum to pick the car up from Warrington where it was being serviced. We had to go on the bus and there were a load of scally lads that used to be in my year on it. They didn’t do or say anything to me but they were sat behind us and made me feel really uncomfortable!

Not surprisingly, the car wasn’t ready when we got there so Mum and I went for a look around Matalan for half an hour. We went back to the car place and they finally said it was ready! We then went for a look round Ikea but not for long cos it was really busy. Mum then made me go in this new bathroom place so she could see if they had any good ideas that we could use in our bathroom. That didn’t take very long cos it was smaller than we thought.

On the way home, we went to have a look round the show homes that have been built on the old mental hospital site. One of them was really nice but the others had all the rooms in weird places e.g. the master bedroom opposite the living room.

I did do a bit of revision when I got home and then Jake phoned at about 7:15pm. He couldn’t stay on for very long though cos he started his assessment today and only had half an hour for lunch.

My sister phoned up tonight from France in floods of tears because of Mr L, a history teacher. Mum said she wasn’t making much sense but basically Jacqueline Robson and Katya W (out of my sister’s year) had been talking in the toilets about Mr L having flings with college students and Mrs L overheard them and told all the teachers that they were trouble making.

Mr L then went off his head at all the college girls and said they can’t go skiing tomorrow, including Abby which is why she was so upset cos she wasn’t really involved. It’ll probably get sorted out though.

The thing is that it’s totally true about Mr L. He’s slept with a girl called Donna Sharpe in College 1 and has been trying to get my mate Cat to do the same but she won’t. She’s snogged him and I think their hands have wandered though! I found it a bit hard to believe at first but Cat’s not the type to lie, plus I’ve seen the emails he’s sent her and he’s phoned her too. Some of my other friends have heard a voicemail message he left on Donna’s phone too. It’s all VERY dodgy!!

Bye!

Today’s emails →

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I was hoping it’d be a bit of a dump – 17th February 2001

Saturday 17th
6 weeks + 5 days to go!

I had an extremely boring day today! Nothing happened at all. I just stayed at home and tried to revise for my Biology modules in the 1st week back. I couldn’t revise though! I can’t seem to concentrate anymore.

Jake phoned quite late tonight (at about 5:40pm) cos he didn’t go skiing today. His mate from over here, Ali Kershaw, has gone over to visit him for a week so he took the day off skiing so he could sort him out and get his hair cut and buy another phonecard and stuff!

Abby also phoned at about 7pm from wherever she’s skiing in France. She said it’s really nice cos they’ve all got little apartment things to stay in. I was hoping it’d be a bit of a dump really then I wouldn’t need to be as jealous! Oh well!

I really want/need to go skiing! It’s sooo good! Only Cat seems to understand how I feel cos she’s the only one of my friends that can ski properly. Uhh! I’ve got to go again one day, even if it is with Jake, even if I do risk him being a pain and showing off or something!

Bye!

Today’s emails →

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His mate Jonny says I look horny – 15th February 2001

Thursday 15th
7 weeks to go!

I was just about to check my email in college this morning when all the computers went off. It turned out there was a power cut in the village and we were told that we might get sent home cos it was a potential fire hazard. However, the fire alarms were working unfortunately so we had to go to lessons.

At break I tried to read my email again but the internet was down all over school! I eventually got onto Hotmail at lunch but then it cut off my email halfway down for some reason! I then had to wait until I got home before I could read it properly.

Jake had attached lots of photos he’d scanned in to the email of him and his friends. He does look different but I’m not sure why.

He phoned me tonight at about 4:40pm. He said nothing much has happened there except he’s really pleased with himself cos he taught some people to ski properly. He also told me that the girl who they thought broke her neck was on the front page of the local paper and that she’s still in hospital and it was her helmet that saved her.

He also told me not to worry about one of the girls on one of the photos cos it looks like she’s close to him but she wasn’t apparently and she’s a slag and sleeps with all the Canadian blokes and has got pneumonia. Jake said they all reckon it’s cos of all the “stuff” she’s swallowed! Surely she’d have to inhale, not swallow!

We got talking about diaries and he reckons it’s dead cute that I keep one and he wished he did! He also said that he wouldn’t want to read it cos he’d get jealous! He said he even got jealous when he found out I stuck a sweet packet in my diary that Dougie gave me when I was about 13! I’m quite flattered really!

I went to The Coach and Horses with a few people tonight cos not everyone can go out tomorrow night. I sent Michael Amhurst a text message to find out if he got the photo I sent him that I took when he was here. His reply said, “I’M FINE + U? NO PHOTO BUT I’VE NOT BEEN HOME! IT’LL BE WAITING! I’VE GOT THE OTHER PIC ON MY WALL + THE PERSON ON THE RIGHT HAS BEEN GETTING A LOT OF ATTENTION!”

The picture he meant was the one of me, Hayley and Isaac that we sent in a Xmas card to him. I couldn’t remember who was on the right so I asked him and he told me that it was me and that he meant that his mate Jonny says I look horny apparently!

Michael’s probably going to meet up with us sometime next week cos we’re all on school holidays.

Bye!

Today’s emails →

15-02-01 Jake email15-02-01 Tess email

It’s Valentine’s Day and I’m all alone – 14th February 2001

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It’s Valentine’s Day and I’m all alone 😦 Well, I might as well be anyway!

I had an open day at Sheffield Uni today so Mum came with me and we went on the train. It was okay but a bit boring as usual. That’s the last one I’m going to now. I’m not going to Hull cos you have to sort a tour out yourself and I’m not that bothered about seeing it anyway.

Some nice student lads took us round the department but I wasn’t really paying much attention cos I could see the dry ski slope out of the windows and I really want to go skiing!

Jake didn’t ring me tonight cos I wouldn’t have been back in time and he was shadowing a lesson anyway.

Bye!

Today’s emails →

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14-02-01 Tess email14-02-01 Jake email 2

God knows what it is! – 12th February 2001

Monday 12th
7 weeks + 3 days to go!

Not a lot happened in college today. We’ve been growing bacteria on agar plates in Biology and today we looked at the results. However, the bacteria growing should have been a harmless purple one but there was a clear slimy one growing instead! God knows what it is! If all our Biology class becomes ill then we know why! The plates must have got contaminated with another bacteria somehow. Yuk!

I took the film Jake sent me to the chemist today to get it developed. I can get it back tomorrow morning so I hope it doesn’t make me cry in college when I look at the photos!

I ended up crying on the phone to him again tonight but then so did he! I’d been joking about running off with Mr C the cute Maths teacher if Jake didn’t come back but he seemed to take me seriously, told me he didn’t like me anymore and that I annoy him. Not surprisingly, that upset me!

He said he was only joking too (and I think he was but it didn’t sound like that!) and then he ended up getting upset too cos he said he misses me and doesn’t like the thought of me with other men/lads and he’s really protective of me.

Well, I miss his too… lots! I just want a hug from him, right now!

Bye!

Today’s emails →

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