I had a horrible, horrible feeling – 9th September 2002

Sunday 9th  On Monday, Jonas took me to Findhorn beach and then Roseisle beach. Ross came with us and was telling me about his uni course and stuff. He’s training to be a primary school teacher. The beaches were really nice. Ross said the singer in his band has been taking photos round there to put on their album cover.

I like the sea. It sort of scared me at the same time though. I’d hate to fall in because it’s so deep and powerful and you don’t know what’s underneath you. I’d like to live near the sea one day though. I like just watching it, especially when it’s stormy because it’s far more exciting then.

That evening, a small group of us went onto the sand dunes at Findhorn and had a bonfire. There was me and Jonas, Callum, Emma, Flan, Andrew and a couple of others. There’s one lad they call Will (but that’s not his name) and his face really makes me smile. He’s got big curly hair, wide eyes, round face and is always grinning. He said he’s just finished working in Nantwich for a year which is near where I live.

One lad kept disappearing to find wood. We didn’t see him for ages then he turned up with half a tree. Jonas tried to help him move it but walked backwards into a ditch and fell over! It was pretty dark.

On Tuesday, Jonas took me to Wick to see my family. I’ve been there every year of my life but never without Mum, Dad and Abby. The journey wasn’t bad except a bee flew in the car and landed on Jonas’s lap after bouncing off his face!

It was weird being in Wick with Jonas but very nice seeing everyone. Rhian was off school with a cold which was lucky because there was nobody else in. Tom and Minnie eventually came back from school and Auntie S came home from work. She looks really thin because of a thyroid thing but still seemed cheerful.

Jonas wanted to see Sinclair and Girnigoe Castle at Noss Head because he’d seen it on my photos. I showed him the lighthouse there which I stayed in last summer. We took my cousins with us so Jonas leapt round the ruins (scaring me!) and Minnie and I stood and watched rather than go down into the dark bits with Jonas and Rhian. Auntie S said Minnie must like him because she keeps talking about him!

On Wednesday, Jonas and I went up to John o’Groats. We stood at the harbour and watched some seals then looked round some old croft buildings. Jonas said he wants to do them up and sell them. They could be really nice.

[Harbour selfie]

We stayed at Auntie S’s for tea then said goodbye. I didn’t want to go. I would like to have stayed longer but it was better than not seeing them at all. On the way out of Wick, I went to the cemetery to see Grandma L. I managed to find her grave quite easily. I ended up getting all upset because I felt really sad, especially when I read what the headstone said. It was, “To live in hearts we leave behind, is not to die”. That’s a nice thing to say. We also stopped to see seals on the way back and at Tesco. Fun!

On Thursday and Friday, Jonas took me crab fishing at Findhorn. We caught some pretty big ones with just a string and bacon. I really enjoyed it! It’s a shame I can’t do it in Huddersfield.

Fiona (Jonas’s mate) had a sauna party at her house. It was a bit boring until Binny (Stephen) started talking to us. Everyone else kind of ignored me. Jonas said his mum and sister think I’m quiet so his mates probably do too.

Yesterday, Jonas and I had a lie in. I didn’t want a shower with him so we had a talk about me being self-conscious. I can’t help it! I had a horrible, horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach like I got when Jake dumped me. It was an awful sort of splitting-up dread and I went really hot and couldn’t breathe properly. We didn’t fall out or anything, it was just that I realised we’re quite different. I’m shy, he isn’t so I thought that might be a bad thing.

I got over the nasty feeling eventually. I’m very, very, very glad we didn’t split up because I love Jonas sooooo much! 🙂

It was Forres Theme Day or something so we went into town and had a look at all the old cars lining the streets and watched the pipe band with Ross and Murray (I think that’s what he’s called!) in it. We went to the pub with Jonas’s lot that evening. It was good because people spoke to me. Callum said I’m beautiful and Binny said I’m nice! Cool! Binny’s girlfriend’s from Preston and Flan’s girlfriend’s from The Wirral, both near me. That’s quite weird!

There was some creep in the chippy and taxi rank who was saying stuff about me. I don’t know what exactly but he was pointing me out to his mate. I should’ve lamped him!

When we got back to Kinloss, I looked at the sky and saw what I thought was light from the moon coming out from behind a cloud. When I got out of the taxi, I saw it was all over the sky and was greening and moving. I eventually realised what it was….. the aurora borealis! I’ve ALWAYS wanted to see the Northern Lights! I saw them with Jonas as well so I see that as a really nice thing. I’m glad he was there too so I had someone to get all excited at!

Today we travelled back to Gainsborough. The journey seemed to last for ages but we got back in the end. I decided to stay the night so he didn’t have to go all the way to Warrington too. We did stuff. I’m so glad I’m with him!


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